Eternal Horizon
by Ultraviolet Phenomenon
Summary: Bella's dead, Edward, unable to end his own life has lost his sanity, and for 17 years Renesmee has grown up without her parents. The Cullen's have returned to Forks hoping to heal Edward but when young Adora arrives looking eerily like the dead Bella Cullen, they will all learn how strong true love really is. Canon/19 years post Breaking Dawn. The Unofficial 5th Book.
1. Extended Summary and Preface

**I consider this story to be pretty much the unofficial 5th installment of the Twilight Series, it takes place after Breaking Dawn, it is 100% canon, which means that it does NOT deviate from the storyline of the books, although in the first few chapters it doesn't seem like it, but trust me, it does. **

**Edward still loves Bella.**

**And so on, also for:**

**Alice and Jasper**

** Rosalie and Emmett**

**Carlisle and Esme**

**and Renesmee and Jacob.**

**I did not touch these pairings or alter them...trust me.**

**Vampires are fantastical creatures, and Bella's luck is just too bad for them to have just lived happily ever after, plus...there were a lot of things that Breaking Dawn did not answer...at all. Like what happened to poor Leah? How did Jake and Renesmee end up? What about Edward's belief in his soul, or rather lack there of, what happened to that? Is Rosalie going to be a *insert bad word that rhymes with witch* forever? Won't the Volturi come after them again? What happens to the humans decades later? How long did the Cullen's stay in Forks after Bella's change?**

** There were A LOT of unanswered questions, so I wrote Eternal Horizon to answer them.  
**

**It's written with 99.999999% no grammatical errors, because I'm sure some managed to somehow get past me, and in my opinion, it's written as closely to the original books as I possibly could, I studied how Stephanie wrote and tried to make the flow of Eternal Horizon similar.  
**

**Here is the extended summary that I originally went with but it didn't seem to garner enough interest to do this story justice:**

_**It has been 17 years since Isabella Swan's death, and young Adora has moved to Forks igniting gossip everywhere she turns. As Adora slowly unravels the clues that lead her down a path riddled with even more questions, she begins to realize that it seems to be more than coincidence, drawing her farther away from the life she knows, and into a world, she does not understand. The closer she gets to the truth, the more her own destiny becomes irrevocably entwined with the girl that haunts the small town. She wonders why everything that's happening revolves around the mysterious Edward Cullen, and why he seems to hold the key to the answers she's spent a lifetime searching for.**_

_**The summary makes it seem like it's deviates from the real series doesn't it? But it doesn't, so here's a small clip of the scene I used for the summary:  
**_

The memory made anger flush though me. "You _should _have been frightened." I spat bitterly. "But it seemed as if no matter what I said to you—no matter what I did—you were _utterly_ incapable of fearing me." I gritted my teeth in frustration—irritated by the fact that perhaps my hallucination may have been correct. Maybe there wasn't _anything_ that I could have ever done. "What a poor excuse for a vampire I was," I groaned, "unable to frighten one tiny, fragile human girl—the laughing stock of monsters everywhere, I'm sure." I sighed remembering Emmett's teasing—

"_Maybe you're not as scary as you think you are_," he had chuckled. "_I bet I could have frightened her better than _that."

"And, _maybe,_ I should have let him—seeing as how I had proved to be _utterly incapable_ of doing so." I muttered sourly. I imagined that somewhere Bella was frowning petulantly at me for saying that—it made a smile tug at the edge of my lips. She never had liked me insisting upon what I'd thought was best for her—even if I'd only been trying to protect her.

_**Please read and review, just take five seconds and tell me what you think, PLEASE?**_

_**And maybe once you read it, you can think of a better Summary that will get people's attention.**_

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**A/N: This is not an actual chapter with any plot to it, it's merely an introduction. I consider it to be important but I've noticed that many people tend to lose interest in the introduction and never actually get to the story. Please skip to the next chapter if that is the case, I would hate to lose readers because I felt an introduction was needed.  
**

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_The main characters herein depicted, and the rules of the world that they are bound in, are not of my creation. They do not belong to me. They belong to Stephanie Meyer. She created a universe for us all, where we might lose ourselves in the untamable desires and dreams of our own hearts. I am very grateful for all she has given us, for she has breathed a new hope into lives, shrouded by the attempts our society has made, to repress our imaginations, and limit our struggle to reach far and beyond the boundaries of our own fragile existence. I will claim no credit for the inspiration of a lifetime, I will however say, that it was my own fatally flawed dissatisfaction with the closing fragments of the world she created, that spawned the words, of which I have carefully pieced together here, in my own refusal to accept the fact that Edward and Bella's story was complete. After all, they are vampires, and vampires are immortal. And as long as they exist, so does their love. And if they cease to exist; does their love cease to exist too? Or is love eternal, undying…forever?_

_I present to you, my own vision of Stephanie Meyer's world, where faith knows no bounds and love never dies._

_I give you:_

**Eternal Horizon**

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"_Love is patient; love is kind  
and envies no one._

_It is not boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;  
it is not selfish, not quick to take offense._

_It is not easily angered,  
it keeps no record of wrongs._

_Love does not delight in evil,  
but rejoices with the truth._

_Love bears all things, believes all things,  
hopes all things, and endures all things._

_Love never ends._

_**Love never fails.**__  
__  
In a word, there are three things  
that last forever: faith, hope, and love;_

_But the greatest of them all is love."_

_Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8_

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**Preface**

Throughout time, the question of how we came into existence has been the root of our eternal quest for answers about our own humanity. Science and religion have constantly clashed violently, disputing the proof of truth and faith, and all the unexplainable aspects of how we were all created. Human and Vampire. Are we both merely an anomaly of evolution? Did an omnipotent being mold us in their image and scatter our souls amongst the earth like seeds to soil? Or was our conception something far more complex than even we, can understand? Will we ever understand?

"_Sometimes questions are more powerful than answers. _

_Where does it come from, this quest? This need to solve life's mysteries, when the simplest of questions can never be answered. Why are we here? What is the soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps we'd be better off not looking at all. Not doubting, not yearning. That's not human nature. Not the human heart. That is not why we are here. This quest. This need to solve life's mysteries. In the end, what does it matter when the human heart can only find meaning in the smallest of moments? _

_In the beginning there was discovery. A confusion of elements. The first snowfall of impossible change. Old lives undone, left behind. Strange faces, made familiar. New nightmares, to challenge sleep. New friends, to feel safe with. Only then comes control. The need to impose order unto chaos, through determination through study, through struggle. All in defiance of a thundering truth. To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose. _

_The Earth spins at a thousand miles an hour as we desperately try to keep from being thrown off. Like the first blush in winter that signals a great migration. Is there any warning of their arrival? A sign, a single event that set this chain into motion? Was it a whisper in God's ear? Survive. Adapt. Escape. And if we could mark our single moment in time, that first hint of a prophecy of approaching danger..., would we have done anything differently? Could it have been stopped? Or was the die long ago cast? And if we could go back, alter its course; stop it from happening... would we? _

_When all seems lost, the future unknowable, our very existence in peril, all we can do is run. We are, if anything, creatures of habit. Drawn to the safety and the comfort of the similar. But what happens when the familiar becomes unsafe? When the fear that we've been desperately trying to avoid, finds us where we live? The earth is large, large enough so you think you can hide from anything. From Fate, From God. If only you found a place far enough away. So you run. To the edge of the Earth, where all is safe again. Quiet and Warm. The Solace of salt air. The peace of danger left behind. The luxury of grief. And maybe, for a moment, you believe you have escaped. And fate can find you anywhere. Or is the truth that you do not have the strength or cunning to hide from destiny? That the world is not small, you are. Can you ever escape? You can run far; you can take your small precautions, but have you really gotten away? _

_You do not choose your destiny, it chooses you. And those that knew you before Fate took you by the hand cannot understand the depth of the changes inside. They cannot fathom how much you stand to lose in failure...that you are the instrument of flawless Design. And all of life may hang in the balance. When evolution selects its agents, it does so at a cost. It makes demands in exchange for singularity. And you may be asked to do something against your very nature. Suddenly, the change in your life that should have been wonderful, comes as a betrayal. It may seem cruel, but the goal is nothing short of self-preservation. Survival. This force, evolution, is not sentimental. Like the earth itself, it knows only the hard facts of life's struggle with death. All you can do is hope and trust that when you have served its needs faithfully, there may still remain some glimmer of the life you once knew. Some individuals, it is true, are more special. This is natural selection. It begins as a single individual born or hatched like every other member of their species. Anonymous. Seemingly ordinary. Except they're not. They carry inside them the genetic code that will take their species to the next evolutionary rung. Evolution is an imperfect, and often violent process. Morality loses its meaning. The question of good and evil, reduced to one simple choice: Survive? Or perish?_

_To survive in this world, we hold close to us those on whom we depend. We trust in them our hopes, our fears... But what happens when trust is lost? Where do we run, when things we believe in vanish before our eyes? We dream of hope. We dream of change. Of fire, of love, of death. And then it happens. The dream becomes real. And the answer to this quest, this need to solve life's mysteries finally shows itself. Like the glowing light of a new dawn. So much struggle for meaning, for purpose, and in the end, we find it only in each other. Our shared experience of the fantastic. And the mundane. The simple human need to find a kindred, to connect. And to know in our hearts, that we are not alone. _

_When we embrace what lies within, our potential has no limit. The future is filled with promise; the present rife with expectation. When we deny our instinct, and struggle against our deepest urges, uncertainty begins. Where does this path lead? When will the changes end? Is this transformation a gift or a curse? For those who fear what lies ahead, the most important question of all - can we ever really change what we are?_

_We all imagine ourselves the agents of our destiny, capable of determining our own fate. But have we truly any choice in when we rise, or when we fall, or does a force larger than ourselves bid us our direction. Is it evolution that takes us by the hand, does Science point our way, or is it God who intervenes keeping us safe._

_It is man__'__s ability to remember that sets us apart. We are the only species concerned with past. Our memories give us voice and bear witness to history, so that others might learn; so they might celebrate our triumphs and be warned of our failures. There are many ways to define our fragile existence; many ways to give it meaning. But it is our memories that shape its purpose and give it context. The private assortment of images: fears, loves, regrets__, __ for it__'__s the cruel irony of life that we are destined to hold the dark with the light, the good with the evil, success with disappointment__, __ this is what separates us, what makes us human. And in the end, we must fight to hold on to. It's destiny. For all his bluster, it is the sad province of Man that he cannot choose his triumph. He can only choose how he will stand when the call of destiny comes. Hoping that he'll have the courage to answer."_

**A compilation of monologues spoken by the Character Mohinder Suresh from the NBC series "Heroes"**

In the vastness of the universe, what is the purpose of the silent bonds that tie us all together? What is destiny? What is it to exist? To die? To live? Are vampires truly immortal, if they can perish? What truly separates our two kinds from being mortal and immortal? From godliness? From being human? From humanity itself?

What is the soul? Is it simply our fragile character, the one that separates us from everyone else, that makes is who we are? Or is it an unseen entity within us, captured inside the breakable prison of bones, and muscle and flesh? When we both die, when we cease to exist, do our souls cease to exist as well? Does it perish with the gift of immortality or did it really exist in the first place?

If we are so different, why do we both retain the ability to love? And why does that love, created and held above all other emotions, hold the power that it does? Is it simply stronger than even our own mortality? Or is it just an insignificant detail in our humanity, a particle of matter, that can neither be created nor destroyed, but instead merely exists in our bodies?

If you take that fragile step, into being, into immortality…does that love follow you into existence? Even as a Vampire? And when you are a vampire, since vampires are immortal, does your love exist within you, as long as you exist? Or when you finally cease to exist; does you love cease to exist too? Does it die with you? Or is love the only true immortal? Is it eternal, undying…forever?


	2. Spoons and Forks

**I understand how frustrating it can be, having to wait for a decent amount of dialogue to gain any interest, but bare with me here guys. Most of the stuff in the first chapter leads up to all the juicy tidbits that you're waiting for. There are a lot of things that needed to be explained first, so I hope you understand it all, and that you enjoy it. Please leave a review if you have time, it helps me improve greatly.**

_Chapter Note: I had Yiruma's - A River Flows In You in mind when I wrote the piano scene._

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**Spoons and Forks**

I glared out the window, as houses passed my vision, in blurs of white vinyl siding and rough red bricks. Their colors were dull, faded; any light that would have illuminated their dreary exteriors was hidden by the dark ominous clouds billowing overhead. That only darkened my mood further, not that Chicago had offered that much more in terms of sunlight, not that I had really cared for the warm rays on my skin before. It only seemed to bother me now because I no longer had the option to enjoy the sun or not, I didn't have an excuse to stay inside all the time for no apparent reason anymore.

I turned away from the window to let my eyes flicker to my mother, as she hummed softly to herself beside me, letting my eyes linger on her long blond hair that reached past her shoulders in graceful waves, slightly curling at the ends. Her skin was smooth and tan, her bright green eyes rimmed with thick dark lashes, her nose sloped smoothly to a soft point above her full pinks lips. I noticed the distinct differences between us in this light. I looked more like my dad, with my waist length chestnut hair and the same pale translucent skin that was tinged with blue in places where the blood pulsed beneath it.

My eye color was hard to describe. My eyes tended to change with my mood. My mom had put brown on my birth certificate, which boggled my mind, seeing as how they were usually a steel grayish blue, with flecks of gold. I'd caught a bit of soft, pastel green in the mirror once, maybe, they might have been a more muddied shade of olive; the color of a barely dying leaf would take on. That wasn't very flattering, but there it was. I could have settled with hazel, but I thought brown was pushing it.

I tended to think I looked ordinary in comparison to her. My 15-year-old younger brother Jared shared more physical traits with her than I did with my dad. He had the same honey blond hair, cropped short, the same emerald eyes, and bronze skin. They both tended to tan well. If it honestly came down to it, I wasn't sure I really resembled either of my parents. My father's hair looked almost black, his eyes brilliant blue, and all three members of my immediate family were tall and slender. I was short, compared to my mom's 5ft 9, and my dad's 6ft 2, frames. Jared looked as if he'd already passed me up as well when he'd come to visit over the summer, towering over my 5ft 4 elevation.

I blinked and turned back to the window. She'd insisted upon my company for what had been intended to be a short exploration around town. I rolled my eyes when I thought of it. Nothing with my mother, could ever be short, it always ended up being gradually extended well past its original duration. We were on our way back home from where she'd wanted to show me the Forks Community Hospital, where she would be working as the new Head Medical Administrator.

She had given up her prominent position at the Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago, as the Hospital Administrator, after her and my father decided to divorce, to take up her place, previous to our move to Forks, Washington, as the Dean of Medicine at the Spoon River College. Except for the past three years, all my memories of my life consisted of my time in Chicago. Jared had decided to stay with my dad there, and mom had drug me with her, to the tiny blip, on the map of Illinois, known as Spoons. It wasn't actually Spoons. Spoon River, Illinois, to be exact, like the college said, but most of the kids there, my age, referred to it as Spoons, for whatever reason. The irony was not lost on me. From Spoons to Forks. My mom's idea of a joke was living in places named after two types of silverware I supposed.

The joke wasn't really funny when I considered her reasons. Our move to Spoons had changed me in ways that I was oblivious to. Mom's intentions had been to separate herself from my father, she thought the distance would make the whole ordeal less painful somehow. I knew better. The divorce hadn't been messy, legally anyway. Emotionally however, it had almost destroyed my mother. My father had initiated the preliminary discussions on the subject of their separation. He'd tried to make it sound so innocent, like it was something that, in his mind, had obviously been inevitable. Again…I knew better. It was hard to not notice when one half of a relationship just stopped trying. That's exactly what had happened, like a switch had been flipped, he'd simply quit loving her. There hadn't been long drawn out clues, no subtle symptoms of his emotional apathy. He just stopped caring. I remembered the way their names looked beside each others on the divorce papers.

_Referring to the decree made in this case on the 20th day of December 2022 whereby it was decreed that the marriage solemnized on the 3rd day of November 2006 at St. James Cathedral located at 65 East Huron Street, Chicago, IL 60611 between Anthony Michael Thomas (the petitioner) and Andrea Lindsay Thomas (the respondent) be dissolved unless sufficient cause be shown to the court six weeks from the making thereof, why said decree should not be made absolute, and no such cause having been shown, it is hereby certified that the said decree was on the 22nd day of March 2023, made final and absolute and that the said marriage was thereby dissolved._

Signed:

**Anthony Michael Thomas**

(Petitioner)

And

**Andrea Lindsay Thomas**

(Respondent)

It looked like he had scribbled his signature as fast as he could, while she seemed to have taken her time, slowly prolonging the inevitable.

I wasn't angry about the move to Spoons, I understood moms need for some sense of peace from my father's presence at the hospital, she could have taken a position at another facility in Chicago, but it hadn't seemed far enough away. She'd once asked me if it had been cowardly, for her to tuck her tail between her legs and run. I went cold and looked away angrily and replied through clenched teeth that, _he _was the coward, _not _her. I was angry at _him_. He knew it too. I wouldn't let him forget it either. That's why the following summer, after our move from Chicago, I'd copied her decision to take up her maiden name. It was mostly to hurt _him_, but partly it was to help my mom cope, letting her know she wasn't alone. From that day on, I was no longer Isadora Kate Thomas, I was Isadora Kate Swan.

My mood didn't seem to lighten the way my mother had hoped when we'd moved to Spoons. Instead, according to my mom, it seemed to decline…rapidly. I didn't notice a difference when I was around her, or any of my '_friends_' for that matter. Because there had always been a strange pull for me, far away from where I was born, far away from wherever I was, something so tangible and yet…not quite real. It had always been there, in the back of my mind. Even in Chicago, I'd never really felt like it was where I belonged. It hadn't affected my ability to socialize though; I hadn't let my sense of discomfort keep me from making friends, and keeping up my grades in school. I only let my odd ponderings settle upon me when I was alone, when no one was there to see the burning questions in my eyes.

It was the same in Spoons. Worse, or so my mother said. She told me that she'd noticed, that I hadn't made the same effort to interact with the people I met, not the way I had before in Chicago. My teachers sent home notes, depicting my behavior as anti-social and depressed, worrying my mother into a frenzy. She'd confronted me once, making subtle insinuations that she thought I might be involved with some sort of illegal substance. I'd laughed, laughed until tears were rolling down my face, and I was folding over myself, holding my aching sides, as I let the hilarity of her assumptions wash over me. She ran through the possibilities of cocaine, marijuana and heroin, and the last one seemed to jerk me, making her suspicious, but I'd consoled her worry enough that she'd let it slide. She'd been quite irritated with how casually I had taken her concerns, but she never brought it up again.

No. My suddenly bizarre disposition, wasn't being induced by any manmade chemical or organic product, in fact, it only seemed to alter when I was alone, transforming into a magnified version of the familiar sense of displacement I'd always felt. I hadn't really paid those feelings any mind until two months before our move to Forks. That's when things started to stop making sense anymore, when strange events began happening, and unfamiliar emotions began to grip me. That's when the dreams began.

The first time, had been during one of those abnormally sweltering and sticky summer nights in June. June 13th to be exact. I'd woken around 3 a.m., doused in sweat, and burning, my eyes glassy as the image of a searing gaze blurred and finally faded. I tried to grasp the last wisps of memory that I could but I was only rewarded with another smoldering color that didn't make any sense, and then there had been fire, burning, searing, flickering untamed in that wild soul piercing stare.

Immediately my eyes had darted to my electric keyboard across the room. Music. Music was my first instinct. Music calmed me. Music was the only thing that helped me reason out my emotions anymore, if I was conflicted, and my thoughts became too muddled to understand, playing a piece that corresponded with my fragile emotions seemed to always ease the trembling in my body. So I had torn the covers away in a blinding movement, twisting my body until my heated skin touched the chilled wooden floor, and crossed quickly, and slid onto the slick black stool. I'd tried to pull those dreams back, urging the confusing images into coherent thoughts, as my fingers slid in feather light whispers across the cool, pale, lifeless keys, not caring if I woke my mother in the process. Tried was the key word. Instead of my emotions flowing into innovative rhythmic notes, a hauntingly familiar piece came out instead, softer, quieter, but it wasn't mine. Music couldn't save me this time, it only proved in troubling me more.

Since that night, sleep hadn't claimed me peacefully the way it normally had. Some nights were better than others, but I was always jarred violently awake, left shaken, too disturbed to fall back asleep. The same haunting gaze always lingering in my vision, before floating away in wisps of a vacant memory. After that night, everything began to change; my senses and emotions were altered so completely, it seemed nothing would ever be the same. The more troubling events were the simplistic actions of living and breathing, as if the eerily intense gaze had tainted my whole self, changing the way I existed, enveloping my soul.

Suddenly, when I would look out my window at the western sky, at the setting sun, as that last glimpse of light faded, before the day died, I felt as if I were supposed to be feeling some sad twinge of regret, like it was leaving me behind. Moreover, at strange moments, a sense of longing, so strong would grip me, rendering me to tears, breaking me inside, and I would slide to the floor, sobbing with some unknown loss, that I did not understand. At random moments, the smell of lilac and honey and warm sunlit air would perfume my senses, and unexpectedly make my chest ache. My awareness of the scents of satin and denim were heightened when I entered department stores to shop. Upon one of my trips to Chicago, to unwillingly visit my father at the hospital while he was working, I'd passed through the Emergency Room, and the scent of fresh blood had wafted through my nostrils and I'd tasted it on my tongue, like saline and copper, sending a burning through my throat. It hadn't bothered me; in fact, I had liked it, inhaling deeper to absorb the smell more fully. My negative aberration with seeing, smelling or tasting blood seemed to have evaporated. Why? Why didn't that _bother_ _me_ was a better question that I'd asked myself shortly afterwards. The answer? I didn't know.

I asked myself other questions when I was alone. Why could I barely sleep? Why didn't it exhaust me, as if my body suddenly didn't require the solace of Morpheus to function? Why were my dreams suddenly so achingly vivid? The flaming gaze seemed to focus more clearly every night, until within a month, I realized that the blaze reflecting in those eyes, wasn't really fire at all. The irises were the color of liquid fire, like amber, only more golden, metallic, crystallized…topaz. The flames were surrounding the piercing stare, reflecting only in the glistening onyx pupils.

The odd, irritating moments were those that made absolutely no sense. I began to feel so suddenly…anxious, when my mother was due to return home, and undoubtedly discuss how her summer biology lecture was going. I seemed to look forward to those moments, disinterested in the discussion itself, more intrigued by the feelings they seemed to trigger. She finally realized my odd behavior herself, when I suddenly began to crave eggs for breakfast, lunch and dinner, every day for almost three weeks straight. That invoked an even more amusing discussion, than our previous one, detailing my alleged illegal substance use. This time she'd thought I was pregnant. I didn't laugh this time. It was completely absurd, but the thought made me feel suddenly hollow inside. I assured her that it wasn't the case, and challenged her with the question as to when she had ever seen me even remotely interested in a boy. It served as a brick wall to her theories, and she'd laughed afterwards, apologizing for her doubt in my innocence. However, I didn't _feel_ innocent; I had the uncanny knowledge that intimacy wasn't an unknown venture to my mind. My body perhaps, still remained untouched in such a way, but mind seemed matured to the notion, more so than it should have been.

That night I'd dreamed of cold pale arms, wrapping my slim waist, long slender fingers, gently but firmly gripping my hips, and stone lips trailing down the column of my throat. The topaz gaze flashed towards the end and I woke abruptly, this time feeling warm, and oddly unfulfilled.

The next day, I stumbled upon a fallen Cardinal's nest, empty, save a few crimson feathers, and the dream from the night before flashed within my gaze, making me blush furiously. It was the same every time I saw feathers, of any size or color, I blushed bright pink, igniting curious eyes to flash towards me whenever someone noticed, which usually ended up being my mother.

Even more irritating, Jake, our two-year-old pure bred Dalmatian, seemed to notice my heavy moods even when I didn't; coming to rest his spotted head quietly on my knee, rolling is big brown eyes, rimmed with black fur, up to my face in a silent question, nudging his wet black nose against my hand until I raised it to stroke his fur soothingly. I'd come up with the name, it had just seemed to fit somehow. I'd already had the name on my lips the moment I set eyes on him at the shelter. Mom had agreed to let me get a pet, once again hoping to find something to stir me from my melancholy disposition. Jake had helped. Having a silent being to speak to, eased my solitary reflections slightly. He seemed to understand, almost too much sometimes. When I would look at him across the room, his tail would take off, wagging wildly, and I would raise my brows silently as if to say '_Well, are you going to come over here and let me pet you or not?' _He would then scramble up from his resting spot to rush to my side, rubbing his face against my legs, before climbing halfway onto my lap, allowing his long pale pink tongue to cover my face in warm, gooey, saliva. I would laugh and push him gently away, only to grimace when I realized a moment later what I was then covered in. He almost seemed amused by the faces I made. On one occasion I'd glared playfully at him, thinking _Oh, I'm going to get you now, _and he'd taken off, barking loudly, as if he'd heard me, daring me to chase him. Mom, seemed to accept that Jake was probably the only thing I'd truly bonded with since our move to Spoons, but that wasn't the outcome she'd hoped for.

By the end of July, she'd sat me down, her movements very slow and careful, clasping her palms together and pursing her lips as she stared blankly down at the dining room table. I waited patiently for her to speak, but after a few minutes of silence I realized that she was going to need a small push.

"Is everything okay Mom?" I said softly, ducking my face down, attempting to meet her eyes. She jumped a little and slid her eyes up to meet mine.

"Everything's fine." She said but she didn't sound like she meant it.

"Are you okay?" I murmured worriedly. She smiled gently.

"I'm fine." She looked down for a moment before eyeing my warily. "I've been meaning to talk to you about something." I waited and then she sucked in a long breath. "Are you happy here?" I blinked at her.

"Sure." I shrugged.

"Honestly?" She pressed.

"Spoons is fine." I sighed. She raised a brow, she knew the nickname for the town that the students used, but it always seemed to perplex her.

"I was randomly sending out my resume, and I've been offered another job." She whispered, staring straight at me.

"Where?"

"Washington."

"Washington _State_?" I asked, only showing my request for her to clarify, not letting my surprise bleed into my words. She nodded. I blinked back blankly.

"It's in a small town called Forks." The familiarity of the name made my stomach tighten, and my heart pound, before I registered the name fully. My lips twitched, so did hers. "I know." She smiled realizing my amusement was due to the irony of the name.

"Did you accept it?" I whispered. She watched my face carefully.

"Not yet, I wanted to see how you felt about it first." She said softly. "I'd hate to make you transfer schools in the middle of your high school years, and separate you from your friends." That made me raise a brow.

"I'm not _that _attached." I assured her.

"I've noticed." She shot back softly. Mom had known something was wrong when I'd started withdrawing from everyone after summer had set in, and obviously that had been when she'd decided that a change of scenery was needed, and had thus begun her job hunt. It was written all over her face. We were quiet for a long moment.

"When would we go?" I finally asked.

"Sometime mid-August." She whispered. My eyes flickered over her shoulder, through the entryway to the kitchen until they landed on the calendar hanging by a magnet from the refrigerator. Today was July 21st.

"Three weeks?" I murmured letting my eyes slide back slowly.

"Give or take a few days." She tilted her head from side to side. "They don't start school until late August, so you'd have plenty of time to settle in before beginning your junior year." I rocked my head back and forth slightly, thinking over her words before I let my gaze focus back on her.

"If that's what you want to do, then it's fine with me." I nodded. "I go wherever you do." She blinked at me, shocked for a moment before her lips slid into a wide grin.

"I'm glad you're okay with this." She couldn't keep how pleased she was by my answer out of her voice. Then she darted her eyes away. "If you were against the whole thing, I was going to offer to let you go back to Chicago to live with Jared and your fa-"

"No!" My voice was louder than I'd expected it to be and she looked startled. "No." I repeated softer. "I love Jared, I do." I assured her. "But I will _not_ live with _him._" She knew who I meant. I took a deep breath to calm myself and she nodded.

"It's settled then?" She asked. I nodded. "Forks, here we come." She smiled. Jake made a small whimper from the living room and we both laughed.

"Jake too?" I looked at her pleadingly suddenly.

"Jake too." She smiled. I grinned.

"Did you hear that?" I called, and moments later, he came bounding into the dining room, his silky black ears flopping wildly, his tail wagging excitedly, as he barked out his answer.

I blinked back out the window, as we turned on to K Street, finally nearing the house. We'd arrived earlier in the morning, Mom had everything moved up and arranged before we got there but I still had boxes and boxes of stuff to go through. She'd told me to leave it be, too excited to take me exploring with her, around the new town that we now called home. I saw the house from the end of the street. It was small, compared to our 4000 square ft. residence in Spoons, painted the same pale white as the rest of the homes on the street, two stories, two-bedrooms, with only one bathroom at the top of the stairs by the landing on the second floor. That didn't bother me. I'd always thought of bathrooms as a necessity of hygiene rather than a luxury of vanity. My mom luckily thought the same. My room was on the second floor as well, the double windows facing out westward the way my old room had, so that I could view the sunset, overlooking the small front yard, with two tall moss covered trees reaching up from the diminutive scrap of grass. On the east side of the house the grounds stretched into the vast surrounding forest, randomly it seemed, compared the other homes. There was a thin walk from the brick driveway that curved around a patch of dirt, leading up to seven small steps, where they concaved into the front porch. It wasn't really a porch, more of a tiny platform that _maybe _two people could occupy comfortably, three would be pushing it.

I remembered when we'd first arrived, the sight of it catching me off guard. I recognized it, not because I'd seen it before, but rather, for no apparent reason. I knew it, like it was just the same old house I'd always lived in. That had startled me, but I hadn't mentioned it to my mom. No reason to let her know that her daughter was only getting stranger with each passing day.

As we neared I saw my imperial, metallic blue, Chevy Cobalt, parked right in the drive where my mom had left it. She'd driven it up the weekend before, after she'd closed the paperwork for the house, which had been on the market for a long time, left vacant by its previous owners for a few years, or so she'd told me. The purpose of the trip had been to meet the outgoing hospital admin at the hospital, besides ensuring that all the utilities in the house would be in working order by the time I arrived. She'd flown home a few days later, and we'd driven back in her black Honda Civic. She was holding the keys to my car ransom, stating that she didn't want me driving until I knew my way around town better, seeing as how I'd only had my license for less than a year.

Really, she was afraid I was going to disappear and head back to Illinois. That was funny. Where was I going to go? Chicago? _Right_. There was no appeal there except for Jared. My dad had bought me the car as a going away present. I knew better. He was still trying to get in my good graces. _He_ should have known better. A new car wasn't going to change how I felt about him. I still wasn't going to forgive him. _He_ was the one who wanted the divorce; _he_ was the one who wasn't in love anymore. _He_ was the one who ruined our happy family. Mom hadn't helped the entire situation with her hysterics, and constant over-worrying. She loved me though, she meant well.

I grinned to myself as my mind was brought back to the car. Despite who it was from, it was nice to have my own vehicle, especially that one in particular. Evidently, in the few short weeks that I'd spent actually driving since I'd obtained my license, I'd developed a odd appreciation for speed. I think I'd actually scared Jared a few times when I'd gone to pick him up from my Dad's with the velocity of my driving in Mom's car. He'd obviously mentioned it to my dad. It was strange, I'd hated when my dad had gone fast with me in the car when I was younger, but I seemed to relish the freedom I felt, rushing past other vehicles on the road. I loved rendering trees and passing scenery into colorless blurs, with the windows all the way down, letting the wind swirl through the car, fanning my hair out around my face. It felt strangely familiar and comforting, as if the rush was a common part of me. Maybe that's why my dad had gotten me the turbocharged coupe. It was a bit expensive for my tastes, but as long as he was paying, I wasn't going to complain. He deserved to pay for what he'd put us all through.

"So what did you think?" My mom's questions pulled me from my thoughts as she pulled down the drive, stopping to press the garage opener clipped to her visor. I noticed Jake peering curiously out one of the front windows and waved, eliciting a muffled bark, making me laugh before turning back to my mom.

"It was nice." I shrugged. An image of the building flashed in my head. It was oddly familiar, the way everything else in this quaint little town seemed to be. I shrugged it off; maybe it all just reminded me of Spoons. "It's a lot smaller than the hospitals in Chicago; you'll get to really interact closer with the patients." I murmured. She smiled, this thought pleased her greatly. She loved what she did, but she so often reminded me, how much she missed her earlier career as a clinical nurse, during her Internship at the University of Illinois, with the College of Medicine in Chicago.

"I think so too." She smiled pulling in slowly. I unbuckled my seatbelt, and opened the door. Closing it to edge my way between the car and the wall. The garage wasn't as big as the one at the old house had been, but I'd sacrifice the shelter for my car, satisfied to have it period. We climbed the small wooden staircase that lead up from the garage into the living room. Jake greeted us warmly, tail wagging cheerfully. I rubbed his head playfully and followed my mom into the kitchen, Jake on my heels.

"I liked the place we went afterwards, with the cliffs." I murmured reaching for an apple from the bowl of fruit centered on the kitchen table, a flash of images reminding me of one of our other points of exploration from that morning.

"First Beach?" She asked turning to face me. The name affected me the same way Forks had when she'd first said it to me. I pushed it aside.

"Is that what it's called?" I mused out loud.

"It's actually part of LaPush." She explained as more images flashed. "I did my research." She grinned proudly.

"Yeah?" I smiled softly, ignoring the familiarity of the name. "What else did you find out?"

"There's an Indian reservation located close by there, it belongs to the Quileute Tribe. Did you know they believe they were created from wolves by a supernatural transformer? Oh! And they also-" She was still speaking but her voice was suddenly drowned out as my vision swam, filling with images of violently rushing water, swirling around me.

"Adora!" Her panicked voice brought me back to the surface where I stood, my body rigid, my hands empty. She bent to pick something up from the floor quickly, and I realized when she straightened that it was the apple I had been holding. I must have dropped it when the visions had startled me. "Are you all right?" She asked coming to press one of her wrists to my forehead.

"I'm fine mom." I sighed, leaning away as I pushed her arm back gently. "I just zoned out for a second, don't freak out." She eyed me skeptically for a moment.

"You looked like you were in a trance." She murmured before pressing her lips tightly together.

"I'm fine." I sighed rolling my eyes before reaching out to pluck the apple from her grasp, taking a large bite, chewing slowly as juice dribbled down my chin. I reached up to wipe it away with the back of my hand before swallowing. "_See_?" I asked pointedly as I raised it to show her where there was a large missing chuck. She still didn't look convinced. I sighed. "If only an apple a day kept Dr. Mom away." I teased turning away slowly. She glared playfully at me and I laughed softly. "I'm going to go start unpacking." I called disappearing around the corner, the sound of Jake's claws on the stairs where right behind me as usual.

Once we were both safely inside I closed the door quickly and leaned against it before sliding slowly to the floor, Jake sat by the bed, surrounded by unopened boxes, his ears perked up, tilting his head slightly to the side as he watched me. I shook my head at him. _I don't know what's wrong with me. _I thought softly, fearfully. I was lost, more than ever now. I didn't understand the strange images that had been voraciously flashing through my mind. I didn't understand the familiarity surrounding the entire town. Had I been here before? Was I going crazy?

Perhaps.

I pushed off the floor, tearing through boxes, finding my computer among the wreckage. I set it up quickly, atop my oak desk that had been moved up against the wall, opposite the foot of my bed. We had electricity and running water and I didn't think it'd been too much to hope for internet. It wasn't, I realized noticing that Mom had already set up the wireless router from her room. My mom wasn't fond of my transition being anything other than overly smooth. She supposed it was better for me to be frying my brain cells by staring at a computer monitor rather than left alone to my thoughts. It wasn't my thoughts she needed to worry about. It was the unsettling images that corrupted those thoughts with instantaneous clarity, and yet very vague irritating meaning.

At that moment I was half-tempted to take a drive down to the cliffs by La Push, where my mother and I had explored before heading to the house, and jump, and end this whole insane venture. But there were so many things I still need to explain. Like why did I have so many familiar memories suddenly that weren't even mine? Why did the LaPush cliffs invoke some of those strange memories? Why did this room? I looked around at the bare walls. Mom had them repainted with a deep, rich, crimson, hers had been done up in a soft beige with white trim. Even the living room, was now a dark hunter green, and the kitchen cabinetry had been replaced with oak wood, and glass cabinet doors. The original pea green linoleum had been torn up, and marble tiles had been laid down in its place, the walls saturated with the same green as the living room. She'd shown me the before and after photos when we'd arrived. The renovation was her way of trying to make it fit more to our previous living arrangements decorum. If she only knew how little I needed help feeling at home here.

I focused on the screen that popped up on the monitor, the Forks website. I read over its welcome greeting before scanning through the archives of photos. Why did the streets and buildings all seem so…familiar? Something had always been missing, that feeling of exclusion in everyday life had permeated my whole existence. Why was it now, when I was hundreds of miles away from where I'd spent all my life, that the sense of belonging seemed to envelope me…in frighteningly, comforting ways? How could my mother have known that the tiny town of Forks would only heighten those strange occurrences that had begun in Spoons, not that she knew what was going on with me, not that I even knew what was going on with me. Forks seemed to only give me more unanswered questions.

Like now. Everything felt strange here. I hated the cold usually, and for some strange reason, I didn't mind it so much here. It was colder! How did that make sense? If someone hated cold and they felt something colder, wouldn't they hate the colder object _more_? My body baffled me. The egg craving had finally let up, and I was thankful. Unfortunately that only resulted in revulsion at the thought of the slimy yellow yolks. I was totally egged-out.

I was still having a hard time sleeping. Well…staying asleep was more like it. I was not spared from the piercing gaze in my dreams that first night as I'd hoped. Instead, the fire blazing around it seemed to have intensified drastically, and there had appeared to be some sort of emotion marring that impossibly wide topaz stare. Was it…fear? The flames exploded, as heat washed through me, I was burning suddenly. I started upward, a scream frozen in my throat, Jake jerked awake at the foot of the bed, blinking, strangely at me. Heat was still swirling across my skin, before it slowly bled away.

I clenched my eyes shut, not prepared for the wave of cool air that suddenly wrapped my body. It wasn't necessarily unpleasant; it just had the same reaction you would get if you were to lick your skin and blow on it. I glared pointedly at the window, noticing finally, that it had been cracked slightly half an inch open. It puzzled me suddenly, if it had been open this whole time, then why had I been roasting instead of freezing? Even for August, Forks wasn't exactly warm. I'd done my research before climbing beneath the covers earlier. I let that thought slide. Maybe mom had opened it.

It freed up my mind to recall the blazing topaz gaze and how it had shifted to amber, before bleeding slowly into a brilliant shade of crimson. I shuddered. Creepy, _creepy_ eyes. My eyes were…weird, but nowhere near the Twilight Zone level that those had been at. Those eyes had scared me. The one's I'd seen the first night I'd dreamed of them, only seemed to have startled me then, they had been warm, almost inviting, albeit unexpected. And then there was that strange flicker of similar color in the back of my mind that I couldn't place, it wasn't the fire. That irked me a bit.

A few days later, something else had bothered me. My innate ability to experience déjà vu at the strangest moments seemed intensified somehow, now that I was in Forks. I had been pacing my room and a soft creak came from beneath my feet, I looked down and noticed the oddity of extra space on either side of that particular floorboard. Something was suddenly pulling me down, some blind force, like I knew that there was something beneath that board; like I'd touched it before. But before my fingers could reach the wood however my mom had called out for me. I debated ignoring her for a moment before I finally set aside my curiosity, at least that's what I'd assumed it had been, and went to see what she wanted.

I bounded down the stairs, finding her clicking away on her laptop. She looked up as she heard me, her reading glasses perched on the tip of her nose as she looked over them.

"Do you feel like running out for me?" She asked, sliding them slowly off her face.

"Sure." I shrugged, shoving my hands into my pockets.

"Do you remember how to get to the grocery store I pointed out to you the other day?" She asked reaching for her purse where it was beside her on the tan, sued, three-piece sectional.

"Forks Outfitters right?"

"Uh hu." She mumbled with her back still to me.

"Yeah." I nodded, sliding my hands out. I heard the jingle of keys, and suddenly there was something shiny flying through the air towards me. I caught it in both hands, realizing that it was the keys to my car.

"Grab a couple of gallons of milk for me please." She said softly before turning back to the screen.

"Anything else?" I called heading for the front door, reaching for my jacket from the brass hooks that had been hung beside it, it had my wallet stowed somewhere in one of the pockets. I still hadn't realized the usefulness of carrying a purse.

"Anything you think we need." She called as I dug through the pockets. "And whatever else you want." She added as I found my wallet, checking to see how much cash I still had in it.

"Okay." I nodded, slipping my arms through the sleeves, before pulling open the door and stepping outside.

"Don't speed!" She called as I was shutting the door. I opened it again, enough to fit my head through.

"I won't!" I called before pulling away and closing it again, turning to practically hop down the steps excitedly, before skipping across the lawn to the car. I was thrilled to finally be outside on my own, we'd only been in town for three days, but we hadn't gone anywhere since our first day of exploring. It was sort of making me stir crazy. The drive to the store didn't take as long as I had hoped it would have, it was only about three streets down, I probably could have walked there, but I was thankful for the chance to drive my car.

The parking lot was mostly vacant, save for a few scatter vehicles I noted as I made my way inside. The solitary cashier smiled warmly at me. He looked to be about my age, tall, stocky, with pale blond hair. I smiled back and grabbed a cart by the door before turning down one of the isles. I pulled a few bags of chips from the shelves, the hum of the equipment keeping the food fresh, the small squeak of the cart wheels against the tiles, and the soft music playing overhead was all I heard. I caught sight of a long wall, with fruit filling the center, pushing my way towards it as I looked around. It was so calm here, nothing seemed rushed the way it did in Chicago, but it still held some proof of modern civilization in a way that Spoons hadn't. I let that thought slide when a group of peaches caught my eyes. They were in season too I realized excitedly. I picked up the largest one I saw; it was plump, smooth, and soft to the touch. Raising it slowly beneath my nose, I inhaled the sweet fragrance perfuming off the skin and smiled. Peaches were my favorite, and these were perfect. I slid a few carefully into a plastic bag before placing them gently into the front of the cart, turning towards where I'd seen the sign for dairy products. I grabbed two gallons of 2% milk before stopping to think. There wasn't really anything else I wanted, and I had the milk. I took one last look around before heading back to the front of the store where the cashier seemed to be waiting patiently for my return.

"Hi." He grinned as I handed him the items one at time.

"Hello." I smiled back equally polite, noticing how his smile touched his blue eyes, before they slid to his nametag where is said 'Kevin' in small white block lettering.

"You're new in town." He commented softly, taking the second gallon of milk I offered him.

"Yeah." I nodded. "Just this week actually." I murmured reaching over the handle of the cart for one of the bags of chips.

"Your mom's the new hospital admin." I straightened quickly, bag in hand to blink stupidly at him. He chuckled softly. "Small town." He explained. "Word travels fast." I blushed furiously. "Kevin." He smiled offering me his hand.

"Kate." I replied shaking it. His brows furrowed.

"I was told your name started with an A." He replied quizzically. I rolled my eyes. _Mom._

"Kate is my middle name. My first name is Isadora." I explained. "But I can see my mom's already introducing me as Adora." I said through clenched teeth as he chuckled again, taking the bag of chips that I'd forgotten that I'd been holding. I blushed again, turning to grab the last remaining item in the cart to hide it.

"So what do you prefer?" I turned back, handing off the peaches reluctantly.

"Adora's fine." I sighed when he dropped them absentmindedly beside the other items. They were going to bruise I realized sadly. He punched a few buttons and $16.50 flashed across the register. I pulled out my wallet, rifling through the bills when an unexpected gasp of surprise pulled my attention upward. A middle aged man, whom I recognized through my mother's description as Mr. Newton, the man who owned the store, had stopped where he stood and was staring at me, completely pale, petrified, and frozen in wordless horror. I smiled at him, I don't know why I did, but it only seemed to frighten him more, so I fumbled with my wallet, pulling two bills out and and placing them on the counter quickly. "I'll see you around Kevin." I murmured hastily, ignoring whatever change was leftover, before pushing the cart forward, to scoop the bags up, rushing quickly from the store as Mr. Newton continued to gape after me, utterly terrorized. So much for a friendly introduction I mused, and I'd so been hoping to establish myself into the quiet little town, as inconspicuously as possible.

Mom ignored me when I brought it up the incident once I'd gotten home, once again asking for the keys to my car. She was trying to stick to her denial that her daughter wasn't going batty. I wasn't sure she was wrong. If this was a taste of what I could expect every time I went out in public, then I was immensely dreading school, which, reminded me, started in a week and a half; an unusually late start for around here, or so mom had said. I didn't really mind. It's not like I was in any rush.

Unfortunately, I was reminded of my impending public humiliation, when a visitor stopped by the following afternoon. Angela Cheney, she was a sweet woman, completely polite. I tried to remember her face still shining that pleasant, though slightly odd, smile she'd bestowed on me when she'd left. The alternative wasn't pleasant. I'm sure if she and Mr. Newton had been standing side by side, they could have passed for twins at the exact moment that they both first saw me, because her reaction had been roughly identical to the one I'd received in the store. As it turned out, she knew Mr. Newton and he'd asked her to return the change I'd left the day before. $23.50. A whole extra twenty that I'd laid down including the actual change.

After she'd regained her composure enough to explain the sealed envelope she'd handed me, her face fell into a warm smile, her eyes bright as the examined my face.

"He wanted me to apologize for startling you." She said softly.

"Would you like to come in?" I offered opening the door wider and her face bloomed suddenly. "My mom's upstairs, would like for me to get her?" I asked as she stepped inside. I took her coat and hung it up, closing the door softly.

"Yes, please." She smiled.

The purpose for the visit was to welcome us, informally to Forks, and introduce herself in the process, though, some of the curious glances she threw my way seemed a little strange, like there was something behind them other than inquisitive appraisal. My mom monopolized the conversation most of the time, allowing Mrs. Cheney to get a few questions in now and then about our move to Forks and what had brought us here. Particularly why she'd accepted such a small position at the Forks Community Hospital when she could have obviously taken a more prominent position somewhere else. My mom seemed to stiffen at that, and I hazily remembered her answering with a brief excuse although I knew, and I suspected Mrs. Cheney realized, it was a lie. Keeping up appearances I supposed. How was mom supposed to meet people if everyone thought she'd brought a deranged daughter with her? I remember grinning slightly at that thought, and I was almost sure I caught a flicker of amusement on Mrs. Cheney's face as well. There were a few more…unsettling moments, that caught my attention, but I didn't really feel like mulling over them. She'd mentioned school. I flinched. That pretty much summed it up.

The next day I finally set up my keyboard beside the desk that held my computer, attempting to once again arrange my thoughts through the keys. There were a few random melodies that I played around with, but one in particular seemed to be keeping me entertained, however hauntingly familiar it seemed. I hummed along with the notes and smiled. Maybe it was for the better, what else was I going to do with all of my scattered thoughts? Collect them in a jar? I frowned. No, I didn't think so.

No weird dreams that night, and thank God! I still hadn't slept for more than 4 hours on any given night. I wasn't sure what had woken me this time. The window was closed all the way. At least I thought it was. I checked it anyway, and sure enough, the seal was firmly pressed shut, just the way I'd left it. A chill ran down my spine as I touched the tips of my fingers to the glass. If that had been the most interesting part of my day, I would have been shocked. Of course, when was a cold chill the only unexpected thing in my life?

Mom and I headed over to the high school, to make sure everything for my registration was in order. I was surprised. It didn't look like a giant rectangle of glass windows and bricks like my last school had, it was actually kind of charming. It was also kind of familiar. That irritated me. Was nothing ever going to have that brand new feeling, the way a new car does, again? Was anything going to surprise me? Or was the fact that everything was familiar supposed to be surprising?

We were taken on a short tour of the grounds. One of the rooms caught my attention; it was obviously for science I discerned when I peered in through the small doorway window. A frown formed suddenly. There was that odd pull again. I shook it off. It was an ordinary classroom. What significance could it hold? Then there it was, the image of those strange unsettling eyes again, topaz. That thought suddenly struck me. When had I ever thought of eyes as topaz? Why didn't I just think orange or even gold? There was that flash of almost the same color, darker in some places. The image was so blurred. I gritted my teeth. _What is up with me?_ I wondered. I _was _losing it.

I'd had to catch up to my mother and the woman we'd been following. I'd forgotten her name moments after she'd introduced herself, but I was sure my mother would remind me later when I asked her. When we were walking out to the car, I caught a glimpse of something in the trees. I blinked and it was gone, but I could have sworn that it had been a person. I let it go. Dwelling on things that didn't make sense didn't sound very healthy.

By the time a full week had passed since I'd set foot into Forks, I had just accepted the fact that I may not ever understand the eerie new phenomenon's that were occurring, and so I began to keep a diary on my computer. It wasn't anything overly insightful, just my rants and raves over _everything_. It did help me sort through my memories better it seemed, like a reference guide, reminding me of important aspects which I had almost forgotten. I'd tried to keep up with a diary in Spoons, but my mind had been miles away there. Here, it seemed oddly focused now, like the pull, far away, that had once distracted me from the world altering around me, had sharpened itself into a fine point. Control, I had better control now. Or perhaps I no longer needed to look any farther than this tiny town for the answers I'd always searched for. Maybe I was finally where I was supposed to be.

I grinned when I read in my own words, how my first day in Forks had been. I'd typed in a few interesting instances from that day. I had touched briefly on the strange flashes of images, listing the names and places that invoked similar reactions. I tried to best describe the moment when the apple had rolled from my suddenly limp fingers, still unsure how the ocean connected with the Quileute Tribe mom had mentioned. Perhaps it was because the beach was so close to the reservation, then again, I couldn't really be sure. I grinned again, noticing how several of my sarcastic remarks ended with punctuation that made it seem as if I were overly thrilled. That was my explanation mark happy pinky talking there, not my actual excitement.

I scrolled down to reread my other entries. I'd also written about what had happened at the store the other day and then again with Mrs. Cheney. I was still bothered by the looks of shocked horror that had been on their faces. I'd checked the mirror shortly after she'd left, wondering if I'd somehow managed to not notice some disfigurement of my own face. But no, I looked the same as always. What had made them look at me that way? It made me feel sick to my stomach. Was there something about me that was somehow offensive to everyone here? _No, not everyone_. I reminded myself, the cashier at the store hadn't had an adverse reaction when he'd first seen me. He'd acted perfectly normal, the way I'd expected everyone to react. The way I'd hoped at least. It still unnerved me.

I sighed and turned away from the words, my eyes scanning around my room. It didn't look like the same room, as it had on the first day I'd seen it. I'd finally arranged it in a way that satisfied me. Not too different. I'd decided that I'd wanted the bed to stay where it was; it seemed to fit there somehow. It wasn't changed in a substantial way when _I'd _moved everything around.

Although now, the bed was covered with a thick down comforter with a red and white satin coverlet, that had been mom's doing, _again_. I realized that the rearrangement had been pointless, with my mother around to witness what she had assumed to be, the urge to deck out the small confines. She couldn't have been more far off, I was simply organizing space. _She_ was the one however, who acted like she was on an episode of HGTV's design challenge. I was almost sure she was enjoying herself with the whole interior decorating thing, it made me smile to see her so happy, but still…

My mind was brought back to my room. If I didn't know any better, I would have sworn that the Queen of Hearts from Wonderland lived there instead of me. My twin size bed frame had been replaced; smooth black wood now curved smoothly around the full sized box spring and mattress, which took up more space than the room was intended for. I didn't mind, it wasn't like I needed a yard to run around in like Jake did. The headboard was tall and thick, with four, large, white, padded squares filling most of the space, the design made it look like a window from the other side of the room I realized, before my eyes flickered back over the bed dressings. Soft white cotton and plush red satin pillows overflowed at the base of the headboard, looking like a window box of red and white roses in front of the design. The white crushed velvet pattern on the coverlet curled elegantly across the red satin, the edges dangling over the sides of the mattress only what seemed like six inches from the floor. The red on the bed matched the walls, and the book shelves matched the black wood of the bed frame.

I inhaled the scent of the fresh furniture and smiled, before rolling my chair over to the side of the bed, climbing slowly into the enveloping folds and rubbing my nose gently against the matching red satin sheets. Despite my first reaction to the room, it had grown on me; it was nice to have my own space of luxury. My tastes were simpler than my moms. Neither Jared nor I had been spoiled as children, we'd always appreciated everything that we were blessed enough to receive. Our parents were attentive, that was all that had mattered to us. Although their income always exceeded our way of living in Chicago, Mom and Dad had felt that it was better to have the knowledge that our family was financially secure rather than flash their income in ways that most people of the Chicago upper class had. They had taught their children the same appreciation for the simpler things in life, for that I was truly grateful.

I felt suddenly calm, a strange sense of peace, and then there was a melody in my head, floating gently, like butterfly wings in my psyche. I felt my eyes brighten; I felt my whole being soften in pleasure. I could hear music inside me, lulling me gently. Instinctively I reached out to touch my fingertips to invisible keys, and it started slowly at first…peaceful and calm, the way I had felt when that strange sense of comfort and belonging had settled upon me. I breathed a soft sigh as the sound carried me away, gently sweeping upward, like I was floating outside my own body. It was beautiful. The melody continued its rising spiral, feeling as if all my soul was filled with its delicious sounds. I was happy.

The image of that startling topaz gaze warmed me suddenly, it was smiling, coursing through me, enraptured by my mood, staring, silently awed as if it too realized the tenderness, rich and seductive, alive in me, breathing into me. I played for those eyes. My touch was soft, flawless, caressing the air and that heated gaze became curious, twinkling with amusement, watching as my soul danced to the symphony, they were delighted by my pleasure. Then there was a silent question, a flash of perplexity as if they were trying to understand what I was feeling. I smiled, but it wasn't my usual smile, it was the way you would smile secretively at a lover, beckoning them to follow, and the melody slowed, in silent yearning, to answer the questions drowning in those amber depths. I took them on my journey with me, from the beginning, telling them through my musical soul, what had pleased me. I showed them what had brought my heart immeasurable joy. They had.

They widened slightly, as if feeling awed, as if they were experiencing my flight into the gentle arms of understanding. I was smiling softly, as the melody whispered secrets unknown even to me, as finally that bright flash of color flared surrounding the gaze, only for a moment, but a moment was all it took to take my breath away. Brightening the eyes into a flash of some potent emotion, I hummed a harmony that I somehow knew by heart and added it effortlessly, and the notes suddenly took flight. They were joyous, ringing, crying out in exuberant ecstasy, and those eyes mirrored them. They were so impossibly warm, tender, yearning, reaching out to caress me in some divine fashion of adoration. They were singing to me now, causing a strange aching in every fiber of my being, taking me higher with every note. I could have floated away at the very moment and I would never have noticed. I would have followed that topaz gaze anywhere. I wanted to, as long as we were together.

In that instant, I felt the fragile bubble of glass surrounding us shatter, as the knowledge washed over us both. We couldn't be together. The music softened, lowering, bowing its head sadly, and the eyes were suddenly breaking my heart, filling with that same terrible longing from moments before, only now they were tainted by sorrow. We were drifting away from one another, slowly, painfully, whispering inconsolable, desolate good-byes as the melody hushed, crying now, sobbing its last notes to its broken, lifeless, devastating end.

I woke up suddenly, and screamed.


	3. The Mysterious Edward Cullen

_**Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read so far! Please review if you can and enjoy!**_

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**The Mysterious Edward Cullen**

I shut my door, nearly slamming it as I stormed into my room. My mom and I were still arguing over the night before, when she'd woken to the sound of a blood curdling scream piercing the air, coming from my room. I had been sobbing uncontrollably when she'd rushed to my side, taking me in her arms, trying to sooth me, murmuring that I'd just had a bad dream. That wasn't the case at all, it had been wonderful! I had never felt so whole in all my life, I had never felt so wanted, so cherished, the way I had when those eyes had been with me in my dream, holding me in a place where I finally belonged. I had been warm, I had been alive, and I had been loved in a way that I had never been before. I had been home.

It wasn't until the end, when the terror had seized me, and my whole being felt as if it were screaming, trying to hold on desperately to that perfectly sweet gaze, the eyes of an angel, being stolen, ripped cruelly away, that's when the dream had morphed into the nightmare that had woken us both. I hadn't even realized I'd fallen asleep at first, and when I finally did, the sobs renewed themselves into something much harsher because it had been so real, I had wanted it to be real. It had scared my mom to see me that way. I knew she was only worried about me, but she didn't understand, she couldn't, and that had suddenly made me feel so unbearably alone. I was alone. Those golden eyes had left me and taken part of me with them, they had taken what little sense of peace I'd gained and shredded it before my eyes with their departure.

I turned the lock on my door, and stomped to my computer. I was in a foul, sour mood. I clicked the mouse and the screen saver evaporated. The diary entry I'd begun that morning after she'd finally left me alone appeared. I sucked in an angry breath and gritted my teeth when I heard her footsteps outside my door.

"Adora?" She called softly. "Please talk to me." She pleaded.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore." I yelled, turning my face to the door to let the full impact of my words hit, before returning my eyes to my computer to continue my electronic griping over earlier that morning. I was angry. I probably should have been more confused, but at that very moment I was cursing some unseen power for letting me feel such peace only to take it away. I heard her leave and let out the breath I'd been holding, feeling suddenly guilty. We hadn't screamed at each other the way we had been doing all day, since before the divorce. She wanted to know what was wrong, and I couldn't tell her because _I_ didn't even know. I let my eyes flicker to my keyboard beside me. I had considered trying to recreate the song from my dreams, but somehow I knew I wouldn't be able to. Something told me it wasn't mine to play, and yet, it was mine, it had been written for me, as if someone had painted my soul with the notes in the air. I tried to compose myself. Mrs. Cheney would be arriving any minute, as she'd promised my mother and me on her previous visit, and this time she was bringing her family.

A half hour later, I was sitting beside my mother at the small kitchen table; we were both leaning slightly away from one another, compromising a silent truce for the sake of our company. Mrs. Cheney sat across from her, her husband Ben between them at one end of the table, their son Matt beside me at the other end and their daughter Izzy between him and their mother. Jake was under the table at my feet, with his head on his paws, listening silently to our conversation. My eyes flickered to Mr. Cheney, remembering how his face had paled slightly when I'd finally appeared at the bottom of the stairs to greet them all as they entered the front door, while my mother took their jackets. It had been drizzling lightly outside, and slight chill had flushed their faces, but his had inexplicably been drawn into ghostly whiteness at the sight of me. I wondered if he'd only come along for the show, suspecting that whatever she had told him about me, hadn't prepared him in the slightest way for actually seeing me. I felt like a zoo exhibit on display whenever I got that reaction, or like a scary movie someone watched anyway, knowing that it was going to scare the begeezus out of them.

It seemed to be only the adults that were frightened of me. Izzy and Matt had smiled at me warmly, the way their mother did after her initial shock had worn off, before they finally took note of their father's reaction. They didn't seem surprised; in fact, it was if they'd expected him to respond that way. Mr. Cheney caught me off guard too in a sense. He was so much shorter than his wife, who towered over him it seemed, and unlike her peach complexion, his was pale, with slightly slanting eyes cluing me to his obviously Asian genetics. Izzy and Matt were both a lot like their mother, in more ways than one. They had their mothers brown hair, and height, although Izzy was just a hair shorter than her father. They were polite, warm, and quiet; Matt more so than Izzy. She seemed to have a better ability to converse than he did, making me surprisingly excited. Not with the talking fact, more of what she talked about.

After the preliminary introductions- Mr. Cheney had been reluctant at first, we'd all settled around the table. Mrs. Cheney, who asked me to please call her Angela, commented kindly on the changes to the house that my mother had made. That propelled them both into a long discussion about the nearly run down state it seemed to have been in before. That's when Izzy randomly blurted out the words that had both startled and excited me.

"This is Chief Swan's old house." I'd frozen at that. Swan? As in having the same last name as we did? I must have said it out loud. Izzy laughed. "I know isn't it weird?" I was glad to see that she didn't seem to take any connection we had with the previous owner too seriously, not the way her parents had. They both stiffened slightly and exchanged a glance with some emotion I couldn't decipher. My mom blinked for a moment then seemed to realize something.

"I remember the woman I spoke to on the phone before I purchased it mentioned something about the last names being the same." She admitted. _Now _she was telling me?

"Why'd he move?" I asked furrowing my brows, suddenly very interested.

"Oh it was years ago." Mrs. Cheney waved off. "The house has been vacant for quite a while." I bit my lip.

"Why?" I whispered. Izzy was about to answer but her father cut her a sharp look and she pressed her lips together in chagrin.

"He got remarried." He explained, it was the first time he'd spoken since their arrival. "He has grandchildren now, and decided that a bigger house would be best." I nodded softly, it wasn't what I was really asking, and I had meant for them to explain why it had taken so long for someone to buy the house. I shrugged, meeting his eyes for a moment. We both looked away quickly after a strange tension flooded between us.

"He's due to retire in a couple of years." Mrs. Cheney smiled warmly. "I'm sure he'd be delighted to meet you if you'd like." My face must have shown my horror in that statement because she laughed. "Socially of course, I don't suspect you'll be getting into much trouble around here." My mother had laughed at that.

"No, of course not." She almost sounded nervous. I frowned, had our earlier argument made her doubt my incorruptibility.

"He's a sweet man." Mrs. Cheney continued. "Very simple." A sad smile suddenly touched her and then her eyes rose to meet mine. "He had a daughter, who lived here with him for a few years when Mr. Newton, Ben and I were both younger. She was one of my close friends." My brows rose. Was? "She looked a little like you." She offered. Looked?

"More than a little." Mr. Cheney mumbled under his breath, but not low enough for me to miss it. I looked at him sharply; he seemed bothered by that fact. That suddenly explained a _lot_. All the strange reactions the three of them had upon seeing me for the first time. Their horrified faces flashed in my mind. I wondered silently to myself, how much I must have resembled the girl to cause that kind of a response from each of them.

Mrs. Cheney looked away briefly, before she let her eyes pull back around to touch my face. Her look had almost been…nostalgic? "The eyes though." She pressed her lips together tightly for a moment. "Yours are lighter, Bella had brown eyes." My brows shot up.

"Bella?" I whispered my voice slightly strangled.

"Isabella Swan." The name passed her lips and I was blindsided by an image of my own reflection with brown eyes. My mom gasped. The similarities were getting better all the time it seemed.

"That's very fascinating!" She rushed turning wide eyes to me.

"Why?" It was Izzy who finally spoke again. I locked eyes with her, of course she didn't understand.

"Isadora…Swan." I raised my hand up slightly as if announcing to a teacher that I was present for class. It almost made me roll my eyes at how well that little piece of evidence went over across her face. I should have been getting used to that reaction.

"That's your name, _for real?_" Matt had finally spoken; shooting forward in the chair that he had been leaning back in. It didn't startle me as much as the question silenced me; my emotions, my thoughts. I didn't take it as an insult; I didn't really know how to take it. I just raised a brow at him silently. I'm sure it looked haughty, but I didn't care. My mom decided then to embarrass me.

"She likes to go by Kate, using her middle name, but she's always been my little Adora." She'd hugged my shoulder affectionately. Izzy grinned at me sympathetically, and that made me smile. At least someone felt my pain.

"What are you going to go by, at school next week?" Mrs. Cheney inquired politely, thankfully shifting the topic away from the girl I resembled. "In case I have you in class." That caught me.

"You teach?"

"Junior English." I chewed on that.

"Maybe we'll have class together." Izzy smirked with a wry look. I looked at Matt and he seemed to have caught my meaning.

"I'm a senior." He muttered.

"Sweet." I nodded. "One more year and you're free." He smiled at that. Mrs. Cheney looked amused. Mr. Cheney however, still looked uncomfortable from our previous exchange. "I _prefer_ Kate," I said finally answering her question. "But Adora will be easier to go by, since that's why my mom calls me." I sighed.

The conversation then extended between my mother and Mrs. Cheney, talking about the Faculty and Administration, the body count.

"The school's changed a lot since I went there." Mrs. Cheney chuckled. "They've added on to it, a whole new building." She grinned proudly. "They're expecting almost 500 students this year."

"Oh!" My mother sounded surprised and a bit excited. "Is that a lot?"

"It's the biggest growth in the student body we've had in years. It was just around 350 when I went, it's grown steadily. We hit a growth spurt this year it seems, seeing as how it's the only high school here in Forks." She murmured.

"Adora, you'll make a lot of friends this year." My mom's tone was hopeful.

"Shouldn't be too hard." I let a smile touch my face and my mother was content. I offered Izzy and Matt up to my room, to allow our parents some time to talk alone. Matt declined, respectfully, but Izzy was already pushing away from the table.

It was a bit devious, on my part, seeing as how my true motives were to squeeze a few more answers out of the girl, and from the way she'd seemed to bite her tongue through most of our conversation, I was assuming she had a lot of them. Not that she wasn't nice and all, but I was running circles in my head with questions, and she was obviously up for spilling the gossip. My room was dark when we entered; the only light illuminating our surroundings was the glare of my computer screen and the moonlight softly filtering in through the double set of windows. The darkness didn't seem to bother her as she strode purposefully across the room as I waited for Jake to follow me through before shutting the door, so I didn't bother with the lights, I wasn't sure I wanted her to see my face anyway. She might realize my plan.

"So, uh…how long have you lived in Forks?" I murmured offhandedly, eyeing her as I plucked at the dangling strings at the waist of my pants. She was bent down at one of my book shelves, her eyes scanning the titles, but she sent me a playful glare smiling suspiciously.

"All my life." She shrugged. "But I'm sure that's not what you really want to know." She turned back to the shelves but the smile was still there. Ah. She wasn't stupid, that was rude on my part. I watched Jake jump up on the bed, curling into a spotted pinwheel in the middle before my eyes slid back to hers.

"I'm curious…" I began but she didn't look at me.

"So am I." I stopped toying with the strings of my sweatpants.

"_About_?"

"Are you all related to the Swans?" I stared blankly at her. "The ones who lived here before I mean." I chewed on my bottom lip the way I did when I mulled over something.

"No." I blinked. "I don't think so."

"You sure?" She pressed finally looking at me pointedly.

"Yes." I nodded with finality. She watched me carefully for a moment.

"I was just making sure, because when my mom came home the other night, she seemed…" She let it trail off.

"Troubled?" I grinned, I couldn't help it.

"_Something_ like that." She tilted her head to the side as she straightened. "I think you look like Bella a _lot_ more than she and my dad made it sound." She crossed her arms and leaned against the shelf with a small smile.

"I think so too." I nodded. "His face…"

"It was practically ghostly when you walked in." Izzy's expression didn't change, she still looked slightly amused.

"You don't sound worried." I pointed out and she shook her head.

"I've seen them both that way before." She shrugged. I wasn't the only person who elicited that kind of reaction then?

"Before?" I blinked at her blankly.

"Once." She let an uneasy smile curve her lips. "A few weeks ago." She frowned now. I tried to decipher her look but it was almost pained.

"Why?" I almost hated to ask.

"Same premise really." She shrugged. "But where as you _look_ like Bella, they swear _he's_ the exact same person." That made my face change finally.

"_He_?" It was the ghost of a whisper.

"Edward Cullen." My stomach jerked as if I'd been punched, the wind being knocked out of me, my chest felt as if it had collapsed under some great pressure a dull ache where my heart was supposed to be and I was suddenly flooded with same paralyzing grief that had stricken me at the end of my dream. I gasped, flattening my palms to my abdomen and chest. "Are you ok?" She asked straightening slowly, her eyes wide. I nodded, whipping a hand across my forehead to brush the hair that had fallen in my eyes quickly away.

"Yeah." My voice trembled slightly as the feeling left as quickly as it came. "I don't know what that was." I furrowed my brows, walking awkwardly over to sit on the edge of my bed. Jake groaned when he felt the mattress dip from my weight, and I patted his side reassuringly. "Must have been a cramp." I lied. Her face looked doubtful; still, she let it slide.

"Ok." She nodded, settling herself back against the shelf. I frowned at myself. What had caused _that_?

"Who's Edward Cullen?" His name felt oddly memorable on my tongue. I searched my memory. "I think I've heard his name somewhere." No, I hadn't, I was sure, but it _sounded_ familiar.

"He went to school with my mom too." She wasn't smiling now.

"Oh." I frowned. "He's her age?"

"Should be." Her tone was offhanded. That made me freeze. _Should be?_ I said the unspoken question out loud in the same tone that I had thought it.

"_Should be_?" She smiled wickedly at me, realizing that I'd caught her meaning.

"Should be." She repeated before mumbling something I didn't quite catch. "He's in our grade." Her tone was offhanded, like she could have cared less as she went to the window, shivering slightly after a few seconds had passed. I thought on her answer. Obviously she was insinuating that there had been another Edward Cullen. _Well, they say everyone has a twin out in the world somewhere…_ I thought lightly.

"Family resemblance?" I offered with a shrug.

"That would explain _you_." She laughed but there wasn't really amusement in it as she turned to relax against the window pane, arms crossed again. "Him…not so much." She made a face.

"Dead ringer huh?" I half smiled.

"Well, one of those words definitely fits." She finally smiled but it was secretive. She looked at me squarely. "The Edward Cullen my parents knew supposedly died." She looked like she was searching my face. What was she expecting me to look like? I laughed at the absurdness of her intent when I realized it.

"You think we're both ghosts?" I touched a finger to my brow shaking my head trying to will myself into not sound like I was laughing at _her._

"No." Her eyes narrowed.

"I'm sorry." I apologized holding up my hands in defense. "But the way you said it…" I was still laughing to myself quietly.

"My parents were- are, a little freaked out." She explained painfully, there was the worry I was searching for. "The odds of two people showing up in the same year, looking just like both of them." My amusement faded quickly. It was suddenly all too aware of what she'd said and how she'd said it.

"Both of them?" I swallowed hard.

"Bella was Edwards's wife." _Oh_. I felt dazed suddenly. I must have made a noise because she was watching me, almost warily this time. "Are you sure you're ok? You're looking kind of…green." She grimaced when she said it. "Then again, it's kind of dark, so I can't really tell." I took a deep breath and leaned across my mattress, inciting Jake to begin wagging his tail wildly which in turn smacked me in the face. I cringed and fumbled around, searching for the string to the lamp on one of the bedside tables, clicking the bulb on quickly when I found it, flooding the room with light before turning back to her. She blinked at me, and we were both silent for a moment.

"Do you think I look like her?" I whispered. She made a face.

"I never met her; she died before I was born." My eyes flickered across her face. She looked like she was trying to remember something. They were both dead? I looked like a dead girl, and there was a boy running around who resembled her dead husband? I couldn't decide whether that information intrigued me or bothered me. "I've seen pictures of her before." She shrugged. "I can see the resemblance, long dark hair, pale skin, petite." She furrowed her brows. "I wouldn't notice any specifics." She murmured. "I bet my mom would." She offered. "But I wouldn't ask her." She warned. "Bella's kind of a touchy subject. She used to talk about her a lot when I was younger, but since Chief Swan moved, the topic's kind of been off limits. I'm not sure why." She mused. I stared at my bare feet for a moment. "She named me after her." That made my face whip up to meet hers, searching for any sign that she was kidding, but no, she definitely was not. "Izzy." She said her name pointedly as if to explain. "Isabella." I made a small 'o' with my lips.

"Your mom said they were close friends." I remembered it as I said it.

"Yeah." She nodded. "Even though Bella only came to Forks in the middle of her junior year, Mom says they got along great immediately." Something seemed to amuse her. "Then again, it's hard to not like my mom." I grinned at that. Mrs. Cheney was spectacularly nice I'd observed from our brief first encounter. She looked at me curiously for a moment. "You're going to be junior this year right?" She already knew that. We had talked about it downstairs. I had the strange feeling she was reminding me. I nodded. "That's kind of…I don't know, a little weird I guess. Bella moved here her junior year, you moved her your junior year." She balanced her observation visibly in the palms of her hands as if they were a scale and she was weighting the two.

"Edward Cullen moved here his junior year too?" I asked.

"No." She frowned. "Well…this year he did. _Before_…he'd been here for two years before Bella." I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at her.

"You talk like he's the same person." I observed.

"My mom and dad are convinced that he _is_." She said pointedly. I was silent for a minute.

"You said that he and Bella were married?" I brought us back around to the statement that had stunned me the most.

"Yeah." She nodded. "My grandpa was the minister at their wedding and my mom and dad were invited." She said softly. "Mom said she'd never seen two people so in love with each other." That took my breath away for a minute.

"Really?" I whispered.

"Yeah, mom used to tell me how they were inseparable once they started dating." She frowned suddenly. "Then his family moved away for a few months, and Bella acted like he'd died." I raised a brow.

"But they came back?" I asked in confusion.

"The whole thing was really weird." She shrugged looking down at her fingers. "They both acted like nothing had happened when he returned, like they picked up right where they left off." She looked at me. "He came back in the middle of their senior year. They were married a few weeks after graduation." I raised a brow.

"So young?" I made a face.

"My mom and dad got married a year later." She shrugged. "But nothing about _their _relationship was normal, so that's not a fair comparison. They never had a typical teenage infatuation, Mom says it was always like real love with them." She sighed. "Kids tend to marry young here in Forks." She grinned. "There are only two things to do after high school here, go off to college…or get married."

"I take it you're not planning on the second option." I laughed.

"Heck no!" She laughed. "As soon as my diploma's in my hand, I'm out of here." I smiled.

"You don't like Forks?" I asked teasingly.

"It's not that I don't like it…I just want to do more with my life than settle down here." I nodded. I understood what she meant, but if you're heart was here…

We were quiet, I caught the sound of quiet laughter from down stairs, and the mood had evidently lightened since our departure. "Did they stay in Forks after they were married?" I asked suddenly looking at her. She frowned.

"They were only married for like…two years." She said it carefully. That made me look at her with shocked confusion.

"They divorced?" I gasped. She frowned.

"No." She said it softly. "She died." She whispered.

"_Oh_." This time the understanding was in my voice. How sad? Only two years of wedded bliss? Maybe it was better than the way my parents had ended up, then again…maybe not. "How'd she die?" I asked it softly looking down, almost fearfully. Was her death something that would tie us even closer together?

"Car crash." That made me look up sharply. "Wow you look relieved right now." She giggled. I wasn't seeing the funny side to this.

"Well gee," I rolled my eyes. "With all this talk of dead people who look like me, who lived in this house before me, I wonder why?" I retorted.

"They weren't here in Forks." She shook her head suddenly. "It happened while they were on Vacation in Europe. Kind of a romantic tragedy" I was silent. "Mom was really…distraught when she heard; she hadn't seen her in a long time." I furrowed my brows and she caught the silent question. "They lived outside of town after they were married." She explained. Still… she and Mrs. Cheney had been close friends but she hadn't at least…visited? "They ran into them a few times in Port Angeles." I saw a flash of something silver but it wasn't clear, it didn't make sense. Again I was confused and she must have noticed. She seemed to think my confusion was something she could explain. "It's a slightly bigger city north of here. It's where we go to shop." That was nice to know, but I hadn't really been asking for the information. I brushed her explanation aside.

"So, did they have a funeral here in Forks?" I whispered softly, wondering why I was suddenly so curious.

"Yeah." She nodded. "Bella's death touched a lot of people, or so I'm told." She sounded exasperated. "The gossip spreads quickly in a town like this; and it carries over, even in our generation, you can't escape from hearing about the heartbreak her death caused." That made her frown, looking down at her feet for a very long moment. I stood slowly, reaching out to touch her arm and her eyes seemed to focus again. "It wasn't the funeral itself that really…" She trailed off this time. I chewed on my bottom lip, letting the words turn over. Bella had been the only one who'd died in the crash, I knew that much obviously, but the heartbreak? _Oh….romantic tragedy. _The realization hit me.

"And Edward?" My lips didn't feel like they were moving right when they said it.

"He blamed himself." She muttered sourly. "Her remains were too…distorted to hold an open casket." She cringed. "No one really ever says whether he was driving the car or not, I'm not sure they even know." She sighed and sifted her weight awkwardly. "But mom swears that if there is one thing that she will never forget in her entirely long life, no matter how far modern medicines are able to stretch us, it's the look on his face as he carried the casket at the funeral." I shuddered. "It was…dead, like losing her had killed him too. His expression, it was just so…" I touched her arm again to make her stop. She didn't need to explain anymore. I wasn't sure my legs would hold if she did. That made my eyes go wide, why was this story affecting me this way?

"You said he died too?" My vision swam for a minute. Why was I even pushing this? She didn't answer me and that made me look up at her. He mouth was pressed into a hard tight line. "Izzy?" I realized that was the first time I'd said her name. Her eyes rose slowly, and they were raw suddenly.

"I've heard people refer to similar deaths the same way before, but they were all old, and frail, their bodies unable to handle the stress of the loss of someone they loved so much." She shook her head as if shaking off a bad dream. I nodded and put the pieces together.

"He died of a broken heart?" I murmured understanding finally the full weight of the tragedy of it all. She gave a barely visible nod.

I nodded numbly. I didn't understand why _I_ was so upset by the news now. "I know this story well...almost too well." That made me look at her, she looked rather pale herself, almost remorseful. Bitter. "It's our own little romantic tragedy story here in Forks. Like a scary story you make up and tell kids to warn them about their choices, except…this one's real." Her smile was hollow when it slid in place. "Everybody knows the story, nobody talks about it really." I nodded numbly again. "I just thought you should know, in case you get anymore funny looks, so you'd know why." She explained. "I didn't mean to upset you I just…" I turned then and leaned to take up a seat beside her against the window, finally cutting off her words.

"Thank you." I looked at her earnestly. "I really do appreciate it." She smiled then.

"No problem." Her voice was still a hollow whisper.

"I hate to ask you to keep talking about this." I began and she looked at me. "But if I better understand the whole thing, maybe I'll be able to sympathize better with the people I startle." I murmured. She nodded understanding. "How old were they?"

"They were both 21." She tilted her head to the side. "Funny," But her voice held no humor to match the word, it was cold. "His funeral was an open casket, and the people who were there said he didn't look like he'd aged a day since high school."

"Some people don't seem to age." I shrugged. "My mom's always looked young for her age." I murmured. "My dad says she passed for a teenager even when she was getting close to thirty." She didn't say anything; we were both just sitting in silence for a few minutes.

"Why isn't your dad here?" I wasn't expecting that question.

"Divorce." I shrugged.

"Is that why you thought I meant divorce when I said they were only married for two years?" I knew who she meant. I nodded.

"Probably." I muttered. "When you're parents separate, your whole idea of happily ever after goes out the window." I shrugged.

"He's still wherever you moved here from?" She asked softly.

"No, my mom and I moved to- don't laugh when I tell you this." She gave me a funny look. "We moved to a place called Spoons after the divorce. My dad and my brother Jared stayed in Chicago." I offered the information. She laughed anyway.

"I know you warned me." She grinned still giggling. "But from Chicago to Spoons to Forks huh? Who made that decision?" She was grinning now. If I didn't take anything else good from Spoons, at least I knew I had a conversation lightener.

"My mom." I sighed. "I thought she was joking at first."

"I would have too." She laughed again. "It _is _pretty ironic_."_ She admitted.

"I know." I grinned.

"And as an English teacher's daughter, I have a pretty good grasp on irony." She smirked and I smiled.

"True." I laughed. There was suddenly silence again, but at least it wasn't as somber.

"So…you have a brother." She began. "How old is he?"

"He's 15."

"You miss him?" She rose away from the window rubbing her arms. I guessed that she was cold.

"Yeah, he's my buddy." I grinned. "I got lucky, we get along real well." She grinned.

"Matt and I get along…sometimes." I laughed at that.

"He's a senior." I mused out loud to myself. "And you'll be a junior like me." She nodded. "Is there anyone else in our grade with parents who might, look at me funny?" I slightly closed one eye as I made a face.

"Kyle and Garret Yorkie. They're twins. Their dad knew Bella." I nodded. "They'll be sophomores." I looked at her slowly.

"This must be a small town." I grinned. "Do you know everybody?"

"Pretty much." That made me grimace, everyone would know me. "I'm sure Mrs. Tanner has already heard the news." I didn't bother to ask, I knew Izzy too well already, to know that she would explain it to me. "She was good friends with Bella like my mom. I think her maiden name is Stanley or something like that." Her face brightened suddenly. "Oh I hope someone told Ms. Mallory." She looked mischievous. "She'll freak out!" She sounded happy about this.

"I take it she knew Bella too?" That was first time I'd said the name.

"Knew her, yes, but they weren't friends." Again I didn't bother. "She _hated_ Bella. Actually, I'm sure she just hates everyone." She finished with a laugh

"I take it you don't like Ms. Mallory?" I grinned up at her.

"I think she's a bi-" She immediately threw a hand over her mouth and giggled. "Sorry." She offered a muffled apology. "I've been trying to keep my dislike for her in check, per my mother's request." I waved it off.

"I don't care." I sighed. "So, why didn't she like Bella?" I asked.

"Did you just hear what I said?" She asked with an amused laugh I waved it off.

"No, I mean, was there something in particular she dislike about her, or does she just pretty much hate everyone equally?" I smiled.

"I'm pretty sure she just hates everyone equally, but there _was_ a reason she hated Bella more." I waited, sure that she would explain. "All the girls who weren't friends with Bella probably hated her, not because they really disliked _her. _They all, including Ms. Mallory, had a thing for Edward Cullen." It wasn't that bad this time, when I felt the knot in my stomach jerk and the ache in my chest from the pressure his name induced there.

"Why would that make them hate her?" I raised a curious brow.

"Um, because he was supposedly gorgeous, and no one could get his attention, even though they all tried." She said it as if I should have known. "And from the moment Bella walked in the school, she was all he looked at." So it had been love at first sight? Had it been the same for her, I wondered. That made the story all the more tragic. I sighed. It _was_ a modern day romantic tragedy.

"So, what made this whole crazy thing so interesting to you?" I eyed her. She looked bemused as if she didn't understood what I meant. "I'm just assuming, because you seem to know so much and you told me…"

"Like I said," She shrugged. "I thought you deserved to know. I figured getting odd looks all the time and not knowing why might start to get a little old after a while." She surmised. I nodded. If not old, then definitely irritating.

"Still…my…connection to Bella, the house…" I motioned around my room. "And my resemblance to her, and then the boy who everyone thinks _is _Edward Cullen…it seems to be more than gossip to you." I observed. She contemplated for a moment before she answered.

"Two people," She began. "Randomly showing up within a month of each other, that both look totally like a couple that died 17 years ago?" She said it as if I didn't understand the importance of the situation, then she floored me. "Too science fiction to resist." She grinned. I burst out laughing.

"Too science fiction?" I asked still laughing.

"I couldn't resist seeing for myself." She shrugged casually but she looked excited. "I'd always hoped that some strange phenomenon would come crashing into Forks and stir a little life in it, ya know?" She grinned impishly. I had to laugh some more.

"I can't really complain about it not being science fiction enough, considering all the warm welcomes I've received." I grinned and she laughed this time. "I almost feel sorry for the poor guy." I grinned smiling warmly.

"Who?" She asked perplexed.

"The ghost of Edward Cullen." I teased. "I bet he's just as confused by all of this as I was." She looked at me. "I'm sure he doesn't have the luxury of having people explain it to him." She thought about that.

"I don't know." She looked at me funny. "You probably didn't know about the coincidence when _you_ moved in, but the Cullen house has been empty for years." She said it softly and shuddered visibly. "They never sold it, they all just moved away." She looked like she'd just thought of something. "I don't remember hearing that the Cullen's had any biological children." She shrugged finally. "That's where he's living now, with his family…again" This time I was pretty sure she was teasing me. "So he probably knows the history."

"Has anyone seen his family?" I asked.

"Not yet, but if they don't end up looking like a bunch of strangers the way your mom does, then I'm sure the gossip will fly faster than it ever has before." She looked more disturbed by that thought than excited.

"I'm not sure what you mean." I furrowed my brows.

"I mean, if they all look the same too." She explained.

"I'm sure that there would be ways to explain the resemblance if they did." I tried my explanation but even I wasn't buying it.

"It was a big family." She said skeptically. I filed that information away. "I highly doubt anyone has the ability to pass on exact duplicate genetic traits of that many people."

"Highly unlikely, but possible." I offered.

"Yeah, but a whole family, that's identical?" I paused. She had me there.

"Wouldn't that fit into the realm of science fiction?" I teased.

"Yes it would." She nodded. I laughed.

"And if they don't?" She looked at me confused. "I mean if they don't look identical?" I rephrased.

"Then he could have inherited the house I guess." She shrugged.

"From Edward's parents?" She shook her head.

"They weren't really his parents. His parents died when he was a kid. The Cullen's adopted them all." There was that little hint of something again.

"Them _all_?"

"The Cullen's adopted five kids; he was the youngest one of them, like I said, big family." She looked perplexed. "I've heard people say it was an odd arrangement." That comment irritated me for some reason.

"It takes a compassionate person to adopt." I offered.

"I know." She gave me a sheepish smile. "I didn't mean it in a bad way, just kind of…"

"Bewildering?" I asked raising my brow with a smile.

"Yeah."

"This whole thing is kind of like that." I rolled my shoulders to release some tension. "The looks I've been getting."

"I know. I heard from mom, and then Mike came over and he was talking about how he'd seen you too." My brows shot up in a question. "Mr. Newton. You really did a number on him you know?" Oh I knew, all too well. "First to see Edward and then you." She was grinning finally. That name made that sick tightening in my gut happen again.

"This guy looks like him, or that's who he's claiming to be?" I furrowed my brows.

"He registered for school as Edward Cullen." There it was again. "Mom will have him in 3rd period." She sounded absolutely sure.

"And he really looks just like him?" My eyes were wide now.

"To a T." She pressed her thumb and forefinger together. I chewed on my bottom lip this time as I thought. Then something struck me. Wait! How did _she _know?

"You've seen him!" I hissed in a shocked accusation.

"Oh yeah I've seen him." She nodded with a swing of her head. "Up close and _personal._" She said the last word with a little swagger. "And let me tell you something, Mom told me that he was the most beautiful boy she'd ever seen," She paused to roll her eyes. "Other than my dad of course." I smirked. _Of course_. "But she wasn't exaggerating with that one." My face fell into careful lines. I didn't know what my face would show.

"What does he look like?" I murmured and my careful lines slipped with curiosity.

"He's tall, nearly a whole head taller than you I'd bet." I'm sure she would seeing as how she already had a few inches on me. "Skinny, really, really pale." She made it sound like a bad thing. "Kind of messy reddish brown hair." She murmured. "And his eyes are gorgeous." That made me look at her. "They are like, kind of gold, but I'd really say it's more of a metallic burnt orange." That made me swallow, and I felt a flush of perspiration. The eyes from my dreams were suddenly floating in front of my vision.

"Like topaz?" I barely got the words out and she was looking at me funny now.

"I'm not quite sure what topaz looks like, but I guess if that's how you'd see it." She shrugged.

"Did you talk to him?" I was more excited than I should have been. She frowned.

"Not really…technically." I raised a brow at her.

"Technically?" I smiled amused.

"He sort of grunted at me…does that count?" She asked sheepishly, blushing profusely. I couldn't help it, I laughed.

"Sure!" I giggled. "Why not?" She was suddenly laughing too. It was an odd thing; to watch the way she seemed so nervous about meeting the 'ghost' she'd been speaking of, for all the wrong reasons. Not like she was scared, but as if she was a giggling teen with a crush. "So…_why_ did he grunt at you?" I grinned eyeing her.

"I kind of…ran into him." He said sheepishly. My eyes went wide.

"How did _that _happen?" I said in bewilderment.

"I was heading over to school to see my mom," She rolled her eyes. "She wanted me to bring her some paperwork she'd left on the kitchen counter, lesson plans and stuff, and I turned the corner and ran smack into him." She made a funny face.

"What?"

"He must be solid muscle 'cause it was like hitting a wall, it almost knocked me on my butt." She frowned. "I would have too if he hadn't caught me." I raised a brow at her.

"He didn't say anything?" I asked curiously.

"Nope." She shook her head slowly. "I told him I was sorry and he just looked at me for a second, before he grunted and then moved me out of the way and disappeared."

"That's rude." I commented.

"Well I _did _run into him." Izzy offered.

"Yeah, but he didn't say 'hello' or 'no problem' or anything?" I asked skeptically. "That's a little odd don't you think?"

She shrugged. "He didn't look like he was in a very good mood to begin with, I'm sure having someone run into him because they weren't paying any attention to where they were going didn't help that any."

"Still…I thought everyone in small towns were supposed to be, you know…friendly." I grinned.

"Most people here are." She said softly. "Maybe he's been getting weird looks to and it bugs him more than it bugs you." She suggested. "After all, you did at least smile at Mike." She grinned. I laughed.

"And it scared him even more." I smiled. "Did he tell you that?"

"He told my mom _everything_, and she told me." She laughed. "Maybe we should make you a warning label." She giggled and I glared playfully at her.

"That says what? Careful: Do not look; May cause heart attacks?" I asked sarcastically and we both erupted into giggles then.

"That could work." She grinned.

"Oh boy…" I sighed ruefully shaking my head.

We heard our names suddenly from downstairs. "Do me a favor." She begged suddenly. "Don't tell my mom that I told you, I don't think she wanted to bother you with all this hocus pocus creepy crawly back from the dead stuff." She grinned. "I just figured you deserved a heads up." I grinned back.

"I won't." I nodded. "You have no idea, how much you've helped me out." She gave me one last smile before we headed downstairs.

As we did, I tried to wrap my head around every aspect of the new information I'd received. The whole thing seemed to be a bit farfetched to me. I didn't think the whole town was in on some huge prank to frighten the new girl, but I didn't think things were as spooky, as the way Izzy made it seem, either. Well, it still sounded a bit odd the way she'd made it sound, sounded a bit…familiar the way she'd said it. There were a plethora of thoughts racing through my head, but a few vital points seemed stand out above the rest.

So, the strange looks were explained, but there was no way to avoid them…super. I was still greatly disturbed by the connection I shared with Bella Swan, and it was more than obvious that the topaz gaze from my dreams, could only belong to the mysterious Edward Cullen. _Fantastic_. Where was Sherlock Holmes, when you needed an explanation for strange occurrences to be pulled out of thin air?

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**I thought I'd leave you with a scene from the next chapter. Enjoy!**

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I woke with a start, gasping for air, and it burned my throat. Drowning, I had been drowning in my sleep. Freezing water filling my lungs, as my hands clawed against the brutal current that was sucking me under. I continued to gasp, then blink, seeing my surroundings, knowing I was awake and safe in my bed, but behind my eyes, the memory of the dream continued to rage.

I was drowning still, sinking into the abyss of blackness, choking in gulps of icy water, my strength fading by the second, until I could no longer fight to break the barrier of the surface that the force of the raging storm had created. I felt a terrifying numbness begin to bleed from my chest, spreading slowly to my limbs, until all warmth was gone, the last drops of feeling dissolving from my fingertips. The weight of my lids sliding down over my vision was suddenly too heavy to bear, I could not fight it any longer, and I was going to die.

"Don't give up! Fight! You must fight!" A beautiful voice called out, coming from all around me suddenly, pulling me back into consciousness. There were flames in the water, flickering at my fingertips, warmth flooding my entire being. I kicked hard, pushing to the surface. "Don't give up on me!" The voice pleaded desperately, as the fire propelled me swiftly upward, surging toward the sky above the waves, transforming from flames into the reflection of a searing golden eyes. "I can't let you go." There was guilt in the beautiful, musical words, despair in the gaze I loved. The flames that fanned into the depths, slowly altered as the face that framed the burning topaz eyes came into focus, pale skin, the fire around it darkening into bronze hair. I felt icy finger around my arms shoving me upward. "Bella I love you. Bella, I'm sorry." He whispered in sadness, as I broke the surface with a sharp gasp.

That is where I had woken up. I shivered at the cool air against my bare heated arms then let out a quick breath. This was getting ridiculous. First, I was freezing, then burning, then chilled again. Were my dreams giving me hot flashes? The things I had heard about Edward Cullen and Bella Swan were starting to affect my subconscious. Again, ridiculous. I wiped at the beads of sweat that had formed on the clammy skin of my forehead and pushed the covers away, going to seat myself before my computer. I was not likely to sleep anyway, and it seemed to be an appropriate time to start searching for answers. I had finally figured out what I had been seeing in my dreams that I had not been quite able to grasp before, the other color, in the flames. It was hair, reddish brown, coppery hair. It made me wonder if Izzy's story had helped me to put everything into perspective.

Throughout the night, I spent the time feeding my unquenchable thirst for answers, researching all the public information about Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, and the rest of his family. I did not find much, and that irritated me further—it was almost as if they had never existed. No descriptions, or specific names, that could give me a better insight into the mystery that was Edward Cullen, or his siblings. At first, I couldn't find photos of anyone other than Bella's father, Charlie Swan, Chief of the Forks police department. The photos of Chief Swan all depicted him, in his uniform; none had been of him off duty it seemed. The articles attached to the images, were all connected with several cases, that chief swan had headed up. One was from an animal attack at Grisham Mill. I blinked curiously at the screen. I knew this feeling; it resembled déjà vu and yet, it was much more powerful and confusing. I had thought I was getting used to it. I had thought that I was prepared for the shock every time something caused me to react contrary to the way I should have. I was not prepared, and nothing could have prepared me for when I inexplicably stumbled upon an obituary—Bella Swan's obituary.

It matched Izzy's story, as to how she had died. I scrolled down, squinting at the screen as I read the small print. I was so close to the screen that when the words ended and an image filled the page, I jerked back so hard in surprise that the chair tilted onto its hind rollers. If had not reached out to grab hold of the desk, I would have nearly thrown the chair and myself backwards, toppling to the floor. I froze when I finally righted myself, and stared aghast at the image. There were no similarities, no likeness, the face was exact, all her features, her long flowing hair hanging past her shoulders, her heart shaped face, it was all a mirror image. It wasn't just her face that I was staring at; it was mine.

I touched my fingers to the screen, testing almost to see if it were real. Evidently, everyone in this town had long memories, they had not faded over time, and now I knew why they all saw me as Bella the instant they met me. I'd had it explained, but seeing the proof before me, made me understand their reactions all the more. Memories flashed behind my eyes, the memories of everyone's first sight of me, mixed with flashes of Bella's face, in motion, images of her in my place. There wasn't a difference. Seeing me was the same thing as seeing her.

I swallowed and let out a quick breath, hitting the print button before closing the page, revealing the others that I had opened behind it. I took a brief moment to collect myself, before scanning threw the other windows. Some netted me nothing more than mentions of the Cullen family or Bella, but there had been a few articles, discussing Dr. Carlisle Cullen, Edward's father. They were all about his practice as a physician at the Forks Community Hospital, and his miraculous life saving work there. There were no photos to help me put a face to the name, but I was too excited by my small find to let that take away from it.

My next focal point was Forks High School. I searched through the archived pages of the newspaper, which the school had published, and for the longest time, I found nothing. They were all inconsequential, random articles, fillers for when nothing of real importance was available to write about. However, one story in particular caught my attention, due to the fact that after seeing the standard topics that usually made it to print, this one was the type of news you might see as a main headline for a larger well-known publication. It was about a near fatal accident that had occurred at the high school on January 25th 2005, involving three students; Tyler Crowley, Edward Cullen and Bella Swan.

I saw it in my head—in an instant I was standing in her place and there was a sharp screeching noise from far away—the sound of screaming tires. I blinked across a sprawling parking lot, packed with vehicles and students, my eyes immediately locking on a face in the distance—the only face that mattered. I could see that nearly five car lengths away, his beautiful features were twisted—contorted in the deepest facet of horror—the golden gaze from my dreams burning into me—his gaze.

My vision shifted in a blur of movement, until I saw the source of his alarm. The driver of a blue van had taken a recklessly sharp turn into the school parking lot—which in turn had caused his tires to skid on a patch of pavement, where the ice had become almost invisible under the cover of fresh rain. The tires spun and screamed—finding no traction to stabilize their erratic movements—sending the vehicle veering dangerously from its intended direction. I saw instantly that the van would soon collide violently into the corner of the bed of my truck and realized suddenly what the fear in those golden eyes had to do with me—I was in the way and I was about to be crushed.

I stood there frozen—watching as my death came for me.

I felt the burn of arctic air as it whooshed from my lungs when something hard hit me, knocking me out of the way and onto the cold wet pavement beneath the bumper of a neighboring car instead.

It was like reliving a memory—a memory that was not mine.

I felt my head hit the frozen concrete, just as the sound of the edge of the van catching the back corner of the truck exploded—right where I had been standing an instant before. I was vaguely aware that something solid had me pinned to the ground—and the fact that the danger of the van was still approaching. The impact had merely altered its path of destruction, swinging the van around due to its momentum, until I was once again in line with its fatal trajectory.

An angrily muttered curse reached my ears, as a set of pale hands suddenly appeared, long slender fingers spread wide in front of me, braced for the impact. My heart pounded as my mind registered the ashen skin of Edward Cullen's muscular arms, where they were unexpectedly stretched out protectively before me. In an instant, I heard the harsh sound of moaning metal all around me as the van's frame rocked into his awaiting palms, pinning him between its hulking form and the car that had been parked beside the truck. I watched, almost impossibly as his hands seemed to melt into the blue exterior, forcing it to crumple inward, molding itself around his fingers—as if the metal shell were merely made of tinted aluminum foil.

When it was barely a foot from my face, the van shuddered, and skidded a few more inches before it finally paused, and tilted slightly away, teetering precariously on the two tires on the opposite side of us—the closest however, hovered inches above my legs. A scream lodged in my throat for an instant when the hands that kept the van's back tire from crushing my thighs disappeared. He shifted—twisting in a blur so that one hand reappeared suddenly, gripping beneath the edge of the van's frame—catching it before it could crush me, as his free arm reached out to gather me tightly against him, dragging me, along with my lifeless limbs, from beneath the van to safety. I could no longer see his hands, making me cringe when the sharp creak of the van's metal frame pierced the air, followed by a thundering crash as it finally settled onto the asphalt—no doubt right where my legs had just been. I heard a jagged tinkling of broken glass littering the pavement surrounding us and then finally, silence.

It didn't last long—distant screams of panic and concern filled the air but I tuned them out. I was distinctly aware of only one thing at that very moment—Edward Cullen. I was still curled against him, wrapped in his strong arms, and I could feel his cool breath against my cheek making me shiver slightly.

"Bella?" His lips brushed the edge of my ear—his voice was full of panic as he whispered frantically so that he was sure I heard him. "Are you all right?"

I tilted my head slightly until I could meet his eyes. The amber depths attested to the tremors of concern I had thought I had heard coursing through his words—they were wide, and filled with desperation. He almost looked like he was in pain.

"I'm fine." I assured him breathlessly—almost choking—finding it difficult to remember how my vocal chords were supposed to work. As soon as I said the words, his golden gaze softened—melting into liquid fire and relief flooded his pained expression—and was it possible? Had he seemed…mysteriously…comforted? More pleased than he should have been to find that I was unharmed?

The surface of the memory rippled then seemed to evaporate before it finally vanished completely. I stared blankly ahead, unable to regain control of my limbs as the last trace of remaining fear faded.

I felt the shock of this new revelation vibrating throughout my body—Edward Cullen had saved Bella's life.

Was that how it had all been? Had their story—the one that had ended in tragedy—nearly begun the same way?

And what did it have to do with me?

I was finally able to release the breath that I had been holding. The memory had seemed…as just that—a memory—not a figment of my overly exaggerated imagination. It had felt real, as if I had lived those terrifying and wondrously mysterious moments. I furrowed my brows as frustration billowed up through me. I had wanted answers, but the strangely exciting phenomenon had only served to leave me with more questions than ever before.

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_**I'll keep my fingers crossed for some reviews!**_


	4. Just My Luck

Just My Luck

I woke with a start, gasping for air, and it burned my throat. Drowning, I had been drowning in my sleep. Freezing water filling my lungs, as my hands clawed against the brutal current that was sucking me under. I continued to gasp, then blink, seeing my surroundings, knowing I was awake and safe in my bed, but behind my eyes, the memory of the dream continued to rage.

I was drowning still, sinking into the abyss of blackness, choking in gulps of icy water, my strength fading by the second, until I could no longer fight to break the barrier of the surface that the force of the raging storm had created. I felt a terrifying numbness begin to bleed from my chest, spreading slowly to my limbs, until all warmth was gone, the last drops of feeling dissolving from my fingertips. The weight of my lids sliding down over my vision was suddenly too heavy to bear, I could not fight it any longer, and I was going to die.

"Don't give up! Fight! You must fight!" A beautiful voice called out, coming from all around me suddenly, pulling me back into consciousness. There were flames in the water, flickering at my fingertips, warmth flooding my entire being. I kicked hard, pushing to the surface. "Don't give up on me!" The voice pleaded desperately, as the fire propelled me swiftly upward, surging toward the sky above the waves, transforming from flames into the reflection of a searing golden eyes. "I can't let you go." There was guilt in the beautiful, musical words, despair in the gaze I loved. The flames that fanned into the depths, slowly altered as the face that framed the burning topaz eyes came into focus, pale skin, the fire around it darkening into bronze hair. I felt icy finger around my arms shoving me upward. "Bella I love you. Bella, I'm sorry." He whispered in sadness, as I broke the surface with a sharp gasp.

That is where I had woken up. I shivered at the cool air against my bare heated arms then let out a quick breath. This was getting ridiculous. First, I was freezing, then burning, then chilled again. Were my dreams giving me hot flashes? The things I had heard about Edward Cullen and Bella Swan were starting to affect my subconscious. Again, ridiculous. I wiped at the beads of sweat that had formed on the clammy skin of my forehead and pushed the covers away, going to seat myself before my computer. I was not likely to sleep anyway, and it seemed to be an appropriate time to start searching for answers. I had finally figured out what I had been seeing in my dreams that I had not been quite able to grasp before, the other color, in the flames. It was hair, reddish brown, coppery hair. It made me wonder if Izzy's story had helped me to put everything into perspective.

Throughout the night, I spent the time feeding my unquenchable thirst for answers, researching all the public information about Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, and the rest of his family. I did not find much, and that irritated me further—it was almost as if they had never existed. No descriptions, or specific names, that could give me a better insight into the mystery that was Edward Cullen, or his siblings. At first, I couldn't find photos of anyone other than Bella's father, Charlie Swan, Chief of the Forks police department. The photos of Chief Swan all depicted him, in his uniform; none had been of him off duty it seemed. The articles attached to the images, were all connected with several cases, that chief swan had headed up. One was from an animal attack at Grisham Mill. I blinked curiously at the screen. I knew this feeling; it resembled déjà vu and yet, it was much more powerful and confusing. I had thought I was getting used to it. I had thought that I was prepared for the shock every time something caused me to react contrary to the way I should have. I was not prepared, and nothing could have prepared me for when I inexplicably stumbled upon an obituary—Bella Swan's obituary.

It matched Izzy's story, as to how she had died. I scrolled down, squinting at the screen as I read the small print. I was so close to the screen that when the words ended and an image filled the page, I jerked back so hard in surprise that the chair tilted onto its hind rollers. If had not reached out to grab hold of the desk, I would have nearly thrown the chair and myself backwards, toppling to the floor. I froze when I finally righted myself, and stared aghast at the image. There were no similarities, no likeness, the face was exact, all her features, her long flowing hair hanging past her shoulders, her heart shaped face, it was all a mirror image. It wasn't just her face that I was staring at; it was mine.

I touched my fingers to the screen, testing almost to see if it were real. Evidently, everyone in this town had long memories, they had not faded over time, and now I knew why they all saw me as Bella the instant they met me. I'd had it explained, but seeing the proof before me, made me understand their reactions all the more. Memories flashed behind my eyes, the memories of everyone's first sight of me, mixed with flashes of Bella's face, in motion, images of her in my place. There wasn't a difference. Seeing me was the same thing as seeing her.

I swallowed and let out a quick breath, hitting the print button before closing the page, revealing the others that I had opened behind it. I took a brief moment to collect myself, before scanning threw the other windows. Some netted me nothing more than mentions of the Cullen family or Bella, but there had been a few articles, discussing Dr. Carlisle Cullen, Edward's father. They were all about his practice as a physician at the Forks Community Hospital, and his miraculous life saving work there. There were no photos to help me put a face to the name, but I was too excited by my small find to let that take away from it.

My next focal point was Forks High School. I searched through the archived pages of the newspaper, which the school had published, and for the longest time, I found nothing. They were all inconsequential, random articles, fillers for when nothing of real importance was available to write about. However, one story in particular caught my attention, due to the fact that after seeing the standard topics that usually made it to print, this one was the type of news you might see as a main headline for a larger well-known publication. It was about a near fatal accident that had occurred at the high school on January 25th 2005, involving three students; Tyler Crowley, Edward Cullen and Bella Swan.

I saw it in my head—in an instant I was standing in her place and there was a sharp screeching noise from far away—the sound of screaming tires. I blinked across a sprawling parking lot, packed with vehicles and students, my eyes immediately locking on a face in the distance—the only face that mattered. I could see that nearly five car lengths away, his beautiful features were twisted—contorted in the deepest facet of horror—the golden gaze from my dreams burning into me—his gaze.

My vision shifted in a blur of movement, until I saw the source of his alarm. The driver of a blue van had taken a recklessly sharp turn into the school parking lot—which in turn had caused his tires to skid on a patch of pavement, where the ice had become almost invisible under the cover of fresh rain. The tires spun and screamed—finding no traction to stabilize their erratic movements—sending the vehicle veering dangerously from its intended direction. I saw instantly that the van would soon collide violently into the corner of the bed of my truck and realized suddenly what the fear in those golden eyes had to do with me—I was in the way and I was about to be crushed.

I stood there frozen—watching as my death came for me.

I felt the burn of arctic air as it whooshed from my lungs when something hard hit me, knocking me out of the way and onto the cold wet pavement beneath the bumper of a neighboring car instead.

It was like reliving a memory—a memory that was _not_ mine.

I felt my head hit the frozen concrete, just as the sound of the edge of the van catching the back corner of the truck exploded—right where I had been standing an instant before. I was vaguely aware that something solid had me pinned to the ground—and the fact that the danger of the van was still approaching. The impact had merely altered its path of destruction, swinging the van around due to its momentum, until I was once again in line with its fatal trajectory.

An angrily muttered curse reached my ears, as a set of pale hands suddenly appeared, long slender fingers spread wide in front of me, braced for the impact. My heart pounded as my mind registered the ashen skin of Edward Cullen's muscular arms, where they were unexpectedly stretched out protectively before me. In an instant, I heard the harsh sound of moaning metal all around me as the van's frame rocked into his awaiting palms, pinning him between its hulking form and the car that had been parked beside the truck. I watched, almost impossibly as his hands seemed to melt into the blue exterior, forcing it to crumple inward, molding itself around his fingers—as if the metal shell were merely made of tinted aluminum foil.

When it was barely a foot from my face, the van shuddered, and skidded a few more inches before it finally paused, and tilted slightly away, teetering precariously on the two tires on the opposite side of us—the closest however, hovered inches above my legs. A scream lodged in my throat for an instant when the hands that kept the van's back tire from crushing my thighs disappeared. He shifted—twisting in a blur so that one hand reappeared suddenly, gripping beneath the edge of the van's frame—catching it before it could crush me, as his free arm reached out to gather me tightly against him, dragging me, along with my lifeless limbs, from beneath the van to safety. I could no longer see his hands, making me cringe when the sharp creak of the van's metal frame pierced the air, followed by a thundering crash as it finally settled onto the asphalt—no doubt right where my legs had just been. I heard a jagged tinkling of broken glass littering the pavement surrounding us and then finally, silence.

It didn't last long—distant screams of panic and concern filled the air but I tuned them out. I was distinctly aware of only one thing at that very moment—Edward Cullen. I was still curled against him, wrapped in his strong arms, and I could feel his cool breath against my cheek making me shiver slightly.

"Bella?" His lips brushed the edge of my ear—his voice was full of panic as he whispered frantically so that he was sure I heard him. "Are you all right?"

I tilted my head slightly until I could meet his eyes. The amber depths attested to the tremors of concern I had thought I had heard coursing through his words—they were wide, and filled with desperation. He almost looked like he was in pain.

"I'm fine." I assured him breathlessly—almost choking—finding it difficult to remember how my vocal chords were supposed to work. As soon as I said the words, his golden gaze softened—melting into liquid fire and relief flooded his pained expression—and was it possible? Had he seemed…mysteriously…comforted? More pleased than he should have been to find that I was unharmed?

The surface of the memory rippled then seemed to evaporate before it finally vanished completely. I stared blankly ahead, unable to regain control of my limbs as the last trace of remaining fear faded.

I felt the shock of this new revelation vibrating throughout my body—Edward Cullen had saved Bella's life.

Was that how it had all been? Had their story—the one that had ended in tragedy—nearly begun the same way?

And what did it have to do with me?

I was finally able to release the breath that I had been holding. The memory had seemed…as just that—a memory—not a figment of my overly exaggerated imagination. It had felt real, as if I had lived those terrifying and wondrously mysterious moments. I furrowed my brows as frustration billowed up through me. I had wanted answers, but the strangely exciting phenomenon had only served to leave me with more questions than ever before.

Izzy's face was bright and excited when I opened the front door the next morning to find her patiently waiting for me.

"Did we…have plans today?" I asked awkwardly.

"Nope, just thought I'd see if you wanted to hang out—maybe show you around a little and introduce you to some of my friends." I took a step outside and closed the door.

"I don't know if there's anything left to show." I gave her an apologetic smile. "My mom practically gave me the grand tour the other day—she was like an overeager tourist," That made her laugh. "But I'm all for meeting new people." I paused suddenly. "They aren't going to look at me funny are they?" I asked apprehensively.

"Oh, no. No funny looks—Girl Scouts Honor." She held up three fingers making me scrutinize her carefully,

"Your mom was Girl Scout gung-ho too I take it?" I noted.

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but I'm sure your mom wasn't your brownie scout leader." I tried not to laugh and she saw my face. "Oh God! You too? Ugh, what is it with that? Do they _like _embarrassing us?"

I grinned. "It's part of some abnormal maternal instinct I think. They make us wear little vests with bazillions of random patches. _I _think it's a less drastic version of the whole pageant-mom-syndrome-thing." I sighed and she laughed.

"Okay, change subject," She ordered, still amused. "It's dredging unwanted memories of a scarred childhood." I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing. "Get what you need and we'll get out of dodge." I heard her smothering giggles as I disappeared inside.

The ride wasn't long but Izzy dove fast though, so it was hard to tell. When she finally parked the car we were in front of a blue, two story house with a grey roof, and a covered wooden porch. The yard was unfenced and bare —other than two tiny shrubs by the front steps—allowing me to see all the way back to where the forest line began.

"That was quick." I commented, mimicking her as she opened her door and stepped outside.

"That's the beauty of living in a small town," She smiled, "It never takes long to get anywhere." I nodded in agreement as we both shut our doors and headed up the driveway. I heard distant yelling on the other side of the house—loud shouts and thuds echoing. It grew louder as I followed Izzy around the side of the house past the two car garage, noticing when she sighed heavily. "They're probably playing basketball." She muttered drolly and I recognized the sound of a basketball hitting the pavement.

"Who?" She didn't answer me as we rounded the corner, revealing three boys, two of them with their backs to us as they jumped erratically around the one dribbling the ball—his black hair was sweaty and matted to his forehead, a look of stern concentration on his features.

"Connor!" She called and the one with the ball looked up. His green eyes found us and he suddenly stopped short, allowing a taller, lankier boy with brown hair to steal it.

"Hey!" Connor called angrily, as he watched him spin and shoot it into the basket. "I was distracted."

"You didn't call time out." He laughed teasingly before tossing the ball back to Connor.

"Sorry." Izzy grinned at Connor empathetically.

"It's cool." He shrugged before sending the taller boy a dirty look. "Dan's just a jerk, it's his nature." He threw the ball back to Dan forcefully making him grimace.

I'd been so caught up in Dan and Connor's horse play that I'd almost forgotten about the other boy until I heard his voice making me look in his direction "Hey Adora," I recognized Kevin from the other day at the grocery store. "You know Izzy?"

Dan finally seemed to notice us, as he and Connor both followed Kevin towards us.

"You know my mom likes to be Forks's own personal welcoming committee." Izzy said dubiously.

"Yeah, she does." Kevin grinned before he suddenly winced sharply—sending Dan an irritated look. I noticed the elbow that was prodding his ribs. "Cut it out." He hissed slapping his arm away.

"Who's she?" Dan pressed as if I weren't even there, making me raise a brow.

"You can introduce yourself you know? I'll show you." I teased. "Hi," I waved, my voice filled with mocking humor, "My name is Adora, my mom is the new Hospital Admin and—"

Connor suddenly interjected. "You just moved to Forks and you're living in Chief Swan's old house."

I blinked at him. _That_ was getting really annoying.

He laughed when he saw me send Izzy a telling look. "Small town," He explained with a shrug. "Dan knows who you are—he's just being a pain." He smiled apologetically.

"Let me guess, it's just your nature?" I smiled, slightly amused—my eyes flickering to Dan's face.

"Pretty much." He grinned reaching out to shake my hand. "Everybody knows everything about everyone here. I've never seen you at school before, so that pretty much narrows down the possibilities." He smirked.

"That's not true—I could just be a visiting relative." I challenged.

"Kevin already told us what you look like, you were all figured out before we ever met you." Connor laughed settling one arm lazily across Izzy's shoulders before also shaking my hand. "I'm Connor."

"Yeah," I grinned. "I pretty much figured that out when Izzy yelled 'Connor!', and then you were the one who froze like a deer in headlights." He suddenly looked embarrassed, making the others laugh. The laughter slowly died down and left an awkward silence floating between us, as I noticed Dan and Kevin watching me curiously. "What?" I asked with an uneasy smile.

"You don't look like a ghost." Kevin grinned.

So much for Izzy's promise.

I groaned, rolling my eyes. "Izzy."

She sighed, shrugging away Connors arm. "Hey, hey!" She waved her arms, getting their attention. "There will be no picking Adora apart. I promised her no one would bring it up." She explained. Understanding dawned on Kevin's face.

"Oh, hey," He began apologetically. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." He watched me carefully, as I felt the tense lines of my face soften.

"It's okay." I sighed softly, pushing a loose strand of hair out of my eyes. "I just don't like people looking at me like I'm a freak."

Kevin's mouth opened and closed quickly as his eyes widened, looking slightly appalled. "I don't think you're—" I cut off his apology.

"Kevin, I said its fine." I laughed, raising a hand to stop him. "Let's just pretend that I'm the new girl in town and that there is nothing weird about me whatsoever." I offered and he smiled slightly.

"I can do that." He grinned.

"Uh," Dan raised a hand suddenly, as one eyebrow rose curiously. "Am I supposed to know what you're talking about?"

I just stared blankly at him. I didn't want to have to explain it. Izzy and Kevin traded a knowing look, just before Connor's voice broke the silence.

"Oh!" Our eyes flew to his face, watching as he brought a hand up to smack his forehead lightly. "Ghost!" He said it as if that one word explained everything. "_She, _is the one who freaked your dad out?" He asked Kevin, laughing.

I grimaced. _Here it comes, _I thought in exasperation.

Dan opened his mouth to make a comment, realization lighting his face as well, but Izzy stopped them.

"Here's the run down," She offered looking at me apologetically, "Yes, she's new to Forks, and yes, she lives in Chief Swan's old house." Dan and Connor waited eagerly. "My mom and Kevin's dad freaked out when they first met her, because she looks a lot like Chief Swan's daughter Bella, the one who died, the one they went to school with." She explained. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to imagine what their faces held. I'm sure Kevin already knew all of this, and I almost wished that he didn't. "It's all just a coincidence though, her last name is Swan, but she's not related to Chief Swan and she's never met either him or his daughter." She sighed and I waited. "Does that explain everything to you?" There was silence.

I forced myself to open my eyes, and when I looked at them, I was unprepared for their expressions. Dan looked amused, Connor looked apologetic, but Kevin's face was blank.

"That's a really shitty way to begin the school year, you know?" Dan laughed and I glared playfully at him, surprising myself.

"You think?" I asked sarcastically.

"Kevin?" Izzy's voice made me look at him. He looked confused.

"My dad met you?" He asked reaching up to rub his forehead. I felt shock slide over my face.

"The other day when I came in to get groceries, you were at the register." I reminded him.

"You told me about it." Dan added. Kevin's face showed no sign that he remembered.

"Huh, I must have been out of it." He pursed his lips in concentration. "I don't remember."

"You recognized her when she got here." Connor reminded him. I felt my heart suddenly begin to pound in my chest, regretting my earlier thoughts. Kevin's face took on a pained expression, before a flood of awareness clicked on a light behind his eyes.

"Oh, yeah!" He laughed suddenly shaking his head. "Sorry, my mind just kind of blanked out for a second." I eyed him suspiciously, as something over his shoulder caught my eyes. In the distance, at the edge of the forest, hidden in the shadow of the branches, a figure stood staring out at us. I couldn't make out a face, only a flicker of hair billowing in the breeze.

I began to take a step forward when hands suddenly waved in front of my face, blocking my view. "Adora?" Izzy's fingers snapped in front of me. "Hey, are you all right?" I tried to lean around them, but when I did, the figure was gone. I blinked.

"I thought I saw something," I whispered, "at the tree line." They all turned in the direction I was looking.

"It was probably a deer." Connor shrugged. "There are lots of them around here."

I nodded absentmindedly. "Probably," My gaze lingering for a few seconds, before I pulled my eyes away. "A deer, yeah." I swallowed.

"You guys want to play a few games?" I shook off the unsettling feeling and turned to see Dan backing onto the patch of concrete, dribbling the ball methodically.

"I'm not very coordinated," I grimaced, "Athletically, at least." I apologized.

"We could fix that." Dan grinned shooting it into the basket.

"We're not staying." Izzy explained. "I think I'm going to take her to LaPush, I just came by to see if you all wanted to join."

"The beach?" Connor looked up excitedly. "Yeah, let me grab my swim trunks." He offered heading towards the back porch.

"It's going to be almost 70 all week, why not enjoy it?" Izzy grinned.

I felt my eyes widen. "I don't have a bathing suit."

"I'm not going to swim." Izzy explained. "We'll just throw a Frisbee around or something." Connor's face fell visibly before he disappeared inside.

"Are you two coming?" I turned to watch Kevin trying to dribble the ball around Dan. They both stopped to look at me.

"Why not?" Kevin smiled jumping to shoot the ball over Dan, banking it against the backboard before it went in.

Dan retrieved the ball, walking to set it by the porch steps. "We'll meet you all there." He acknowledged before he followed Connor's footsteps, opening the screen door to go inside.

"See you in a few." Izzy called, heading back around the house to her car.

I turned to follow her but paused, studying Kevin where was leaning against the goal post staring at his fingers—he was frowning, deep in thought. The memory of how I'd secretly hoped that he would forget ever meeting me, before it actually happened, was fresh in my mind, and filled me with a very unsettling feeling. Wishful thinking on my part had always served to be pointless, and for the first time, the phrase 'be careful what you wish for', made a whole hell of a lot of sense. It had scared me, wishing for something then having it happen. That kind of power was dangerous—and hopefully, it had only been a coincidence.

By the time my sneakers were sinking into the softened dirt and sand of First Beach, I'd let go of what had happened earlier. I was over thinking things, as usual. The sun was warm—it actually felt nice mixed with the cool breeze blowing gently, bringing with it the scent of the sea—salty, along with the musty smells of moss and pine trees.

Dan's voice broke me from my thoughts. I turned in the direction his voice had come from, just in time to flinch, clenching my fist as a reflex to brace myself, screwing my eyes shut as a Frisbee caught me square in the forehead. The force rocked me backwards a few inches, and an instant later I felt the sting. I let one eye pop open, as my fingers raised to press the point of impact, and winced. I was going to have a bruise.

"Owwww." I drew the word out with a laugh. As Kevin and Dan jogged over to where I stood.

"Are you all right?" Kevin asked worry tainting his voice.

"I tried to warn you." Dan grinned playfully.

"Other than a few damaged brain cells, I think I'm good." I continued to rub the spot methodically, hoping the ache would ease.

"Sorry." Dan said with an apologetic smile.

"S'okay." I shrugged, pitching myself forward to pluck the Frisbee from the sand where it had imbedded itself, but a sudden dizziness made me lose my balance, my hands sinking into the moist dirt as I caught myself.

"I must have hit you hard." Dan chuckled offering me his hand. I smiled ruefully as he helped me stand.

"100 bucks says you couldn't _that_ again." Kevin ribbed Dan. "The wind caught it, and it just went straight for you." His eyes turned to me where I was brushing the dirt and sand from my jeans.

"I would take that bet," I eyed him. "My luck has been unusually bad lately, but I don't really want to be hit in the head again." They both laughed. "Go long." I grinned mischievously, and they took off running. I waited until they were a good distance from me before pulling the Frisbee in then letting it fly with a flick of my wrist. They turned jogging backwards, watching as it soared over their heads, higher and higher. It was still rising, turning slightly towards the tree line, there was no way they would catch it—it was well past where they were. A gust of wind kicked up suddenly, sucking the Frisbee nearly above the treetops, before it arced sharply and disappeared deep into the forest.

"Damn." I muttered sourly. Kevin and Dan stood, with their mouths open, still staring where it had disappeared. "Sorry guys!" I called. I noticed Izzy and Connor out of the corner of my eyes—their eyes were also trained on the spot where the Frisbee had last been seen.

"That was a hell of a throw." Connor called to me. "It must have gone at least 200 feet in the air." The others looked back at me, their faces full of surprise.

"I told you my luck sucked." I reminded them. "I'll get it!" I called to them.

"No, we're closer." Kevin offered.

"I'm the one who threw it, I'll get it." I said with a stern voice before turning make my way up the soft slopes of dirt and sand, climbing over several pale tree trunks that had been beached, before I reached the trees at the edge of the forest. I pushed away limbs that hung low, their thick branches snagging my hair every now and then. I squinted up through the overhang of branches that stretched out, covering the forest floor in shadows, watching as the sky became less and less visible the father I walked.

I scanned the ground, searching for the Frisbee. It was bright yellow, it shouldn't have been very hard to find. I wound my way around large cedars and pines, checking the branches above me every now and then—in case it had gotten stuck.

The wind kicked up suddenly, causing me to shiver without the heat of the sun to warm the breeze, and a sudden tingling in my senses froze me in place.

Then I heard it.

The snap of several twigs. The rustle of leaves. I whirled trying to pinpoint the trajectory of the sound, but my pulse was thumping wildly in my ears, as sudden fear caused electricity to race down my spine.

_Snap._

I jumped, my eyes flickering around me as I tried to remain calm. Entwining branches and untamed shrubbery shadowed the forest around me, rendering my vision limited to a ten foot radius.

_Snap. Snap._

There was a thud that shook the ground, then a strange noise. I shifted slowly, turning my eyes, and through the limbs encasing me, I saw the dark glint of black eyes before the low rumble of a growl rooted me to the spot. There was nowhere for me to run, I realized as I allowed myself a few precious moments to scan my surroundings, I was unequivocally lost, with no familiar markings to guide me to safety. The shadows shifted as the great hulking thing took shape, all sleek black fur and sinewy muscle, talon like claws digging into the earth beneath it. It huffed out a great breath, a deep snarl of irritation, as it pushed its way through the wall of greenery and sticks, drawing ever nearer to where I was frozen in place. My heart was the loudest thing to me, pounding recklessly like beacon. In a sudden inane thought, born out of mental hysterics, I imagined that to the monster before me, it must have rang out like a dinner bell.

The wind shifted, parting the branches of the trees, just enough so that light filtered through revealing the enormous size of the bear in full finally. My eyes widened. I realized, in lack of any sign of hope, my death was only five feet, and minutes, perhaps seconds away. It groaned, pawing at the ground, snapping another twig in the process and my fingers twitched slightly.

At the sight of my movement, it stopped, watching me with its black eyes.

I waited, trembling slightly.

The bear coiled it's body, and pushed with its massive front paws, lifting its form, seeming to fall upwards, until it towered over me.

It huffed, flaring its wet black nostrils

Then it happened all at once.

A sudden voice, full of urgency, resounding from nowhere and everywhere at once shouted, _"RUN!"_ as the bears massive jaws opened, revealing its rows of elongated teeth and it roared furiously.

I turned on my heels, and ran blindly away from the raging thing at my back, yet where I would run to, I didn't know. I had barely put any distance between us before the loud thud sounding the bears pursuit reached my ears. I wanted to scream, I wanted to call for help, but I couldn't find the strength to sacrifice the air in my lungs, the precious air that propelled me forward. I could feel the prickling of my spine, raising the hair on the back of the neck, knowing that the bear was closing the distance fast. I felt a sob caught in my throat, as the thud of massive paws grew steadily louder behind me. My legs protested, my lungs burned, as I gulped the air desperately.

I wasn't going to make it.

I could almost feel the hot moist breath of my pursuer on my neck. My eyes welled in fear, I squeezed them shut, pushing harder as a tear slipped free.

My lids popped open when something caught my ankle, catapulting the top half of my body forward, sending me skidding into the moist dirt of the forest floor. Slightly disoriented, I scrambled to get up, but something held me in place. I twisted my body, my eyes flashing to where my left foot was snared in the entwining roots of a large Sitka Spruce, before rising slowly.

With its prey trapped, the bear stalked forward purposefully, a snarl of triumph splitting its muzzle, until it was upon me, raising one razor clawed paw in preparation.

With wide eyes, I waited for it to take my life.

Something changed on the bears face, it's head lifting slightly, it's black ears flickered as if it heard something that I could not. There was a long pregnant pause, as it sniffed, testing the air.

I waited.

Then before I could blink, something moved so fast, at blinding speed. It tackled the bear from the side, colliding into it, with a loud crack of bones, that shook the very ground beneath me, and all that I had glimpsed was a flash of something pale as it rolled them both deep into the awaiting arms of the darker parts of the forest. A scuffle could be heard out of my range of vision, the screams of the bear were matched only by the loud higher pitched growls, emanating from whatever had attacked it, and spared my life for a few brief moments. A sharp tearing sound had the adrenaline pumping back into my veins, reminding me that I should have been trying to escape. I attempted to jerk my leg free to no avail, as the war continued close by, desperation and urgency marred any attempt at formulating a logical thought.

A howl of extreme agony split the air, followed by a wave of thunderous crashes, as my heart beat the staccato rhythm of war drums.

I screamed when another set of hands appeared on either side of mine, darker in their complexion. My terrified gaze rose up to meet a set of warm brown eyes.

"It's okay." He murmured, his head turning briefly to where the bear had disappeared, when a set of sharp cracks, like the sound of trees being snapped in half was heard. His young face was so sincere when he turned to me again. "It'll be okay. Let's get you out of here." Reaching into his back pocket, with the flick of his wrist, a small blade appeared before he began cutting at the roots that held me in place. "Can you walk?" He asked as I felt the pressure against my ankle loosen.

"I—I don't know." I breathed. "I think so."

He reached for my wrists and stood, jerking me upwards with him.

"We have to go now." He commanded, as one hand hooked beneath the back of my knee, finally pulling my leg free. I nodded feebly, suddenly jerked forward as he began to run, towing my weight at his side, as I stumbled to keep up. I didn't think about it, as I attempted to find my footing, I just ran, mindlessly, propelled by fear, not allowing a sense of relief to rise prematurely. It wasn't until the sound of the struggle was lost in the distance and the varying degrees of distance between the trees lengthened so that the sun once again touched the ground, spreading out like a map to where the tree line ended that I half-collapsed against the boy dragging me towards safety. He shifted my weight, pulling me up tight against him, before one arm hooked beneath my limp limbs, lifting me up against his chest. I could smell the salt air as we neared the beach, and my lids suddenly heavy, too heavy to fight, as all consciousness slipped from my grasp.


	5. Charlie

**I want to thank the awesome people who have reviewed so far:** _littlelizruth, Ally, venus308 and phantomessangel _

**Your reviews mean the world to me.**

**I have to explain a few things about this chapter and this story in particular: **

_Back in 2008, I had a very bad breakup with my boyfriend, I was heartbroken, depressed, I wasn't exactly in the best mind frame. My family and friends began to worry about me, I hardly slept, I barely ate, I shrank down from 122 to almost 95 pounds in a month. I was devastated to say the least; it was quite possibly the darkest time in my life._

**I'd heard about Twilight over the years, mentioned by several people but I never really paid it any mind. I'd read Good Charlotte fan fiction at , and on their boards would be a thread, dedicated exclusively to Twilight, and the moderators and admins were always saying "Read my Twilight fan fiction." Same on the JC Chasez boards. Same on every board. And I'm sitting there thinking "What in the HELL are they all talking about!" I continued to ignore it all, but there it was, I couldn't escape it. There was mention of it everywhere, I slightly remember hearing the word 'Twilight' mentioned on the MTV VMA's but once again, I just shrugged it off. Then the chaos began, thousands of people were up in arms because Russell Brand cut off some of the cast members of...you guessed it: "Twilight"**

** Hmmm, where have I heard that word before?**

**Oh I remember! Everywhere! By the time August rolled around in 2008, I was inches away from just banging my head on my monitor, and pleading for God to turn this crazy world right-side-up again.**

**Two weeks later, I got my wish.**

**In one day, I happened to accidentally catch a glimpse of the trailer and I thought "Interesting...so this is what all the fuss is about." I'm a sucker for hopeless romances. That very same night, my best friend Megs and I decided to go hit the bars. I'd been reclusive for nearly 8 months, shutting myself off from everything. I was sitting on her big comfy bed, minding my own business, while she checked her e-mail, and her bookshelf caught my attention. Not just one, but all four, Twilight books were sitting there side by side. (Breaking Dawn had just been released a few days prior. I was VERY lucky.) My curiosity was piqued. I asked her about them and she suggested I begin reading the first one while she got ready to go.**

**So I fatefully opened to the first page. An hour later, she emerges, ready to go, and I suddenly realize that I'm on page 143. (I read abnormally fast.) I couldn't put it down. I took it to the bar with us! (With her permission of course.) How pathetic is that? I stowed it away in my purse. (Keep in mind, my purse is the size of Mary Poppins's luggage.) While she spent the night, drinking and having an absolute blast I'm sure, I sat at the bar and read the damn book! I read a book, at a bar. Tell me something's not wrong with me.**

**She let me borrow all four books and I read...all four books, in about 4 days. I even reread them all several times. Maybe it was because I read them all in consecutive order, back to back, that I enjoyed the entire series as if it were just one big book. I count myself blessed to have found the series just after Breaking Dawn was released.**

**I don't have the energy to rehash my heartbreak, but I can tell you that New Moon saved me. It was as if the tragedy of my breakup with my boyfriend was there on the pages, and I was Bella. I knew how she felt because I was there, in her shoes, feeling her pain. I don't know what kind of state I would be in now if I hadn't read those books when I did.**

**However…**

**Breaking Dawn did leave me feeling a little…unsatisfied. There was something missing from it. Since reading it, I have discovered that Stephanie Meyer's was only contracted for four books, and pressure had been put on her by the publishing house , to find a way to finally end the series. I think this was a HUGE mistake. They could have made millions of dollars if they'd let it play out the way it was meant to, but instead they forced her to cram everything into one last book. (Plus, we could have had way more Edward/Bella time)**

**It didn't have the same tone as Twilight, New Moon or Eclipse. (Don't get me wrong, it's possibly my second favorite book of the series behind New Moon.)**

**But there were serious holes to it:**

_Alice's premonition: Like most people I was thinking "HELL YEAH!" Finally a good old fashioned throw down!_

_But NO! Nothing. We got all worked up for nothing. We didn't even get to SEE Bella try to kick Jacob's ass, it just…skipped right over it. Then the rest of the book…200 pages of nothing. She trained herself on her ability and prepared Jacob and Renesmee to leave and then they didn't even need to do ANY of it._

_The powers were cool, how she protected everyone, but C'MON! Nothing?_

_"Hi we're the Volturi, we come to fight."_

_"Hi we're the good guys, we come to fight too."_

_"Hi we're the Volturi why don't we just talk a lot?"_

_"Hi we're the good guys, wanna watch us do nothing?"_

_ WHAT! We could have just had 200 pages of Edward and Bella minus the random kid, being all sappy and stuff but no…nothing until the last two pages of the book. Huh?_

_I wanted someone dead. Someone important. That's why I am guilty of writing nearly 200 pages of this story in a week after reading all the Twilight books. (Ask Megs, I made her reread the whole thing every time I added a new line. She watched me succumb to OED. Obsessive Edward Disorder. She watched me do all of this in one single week.) It was my own fatally flawed dissatisfaction with the closing fragments of their world, that spawned the words, of which I have carefully pieced together, in my own refusal to accept the fact that Edward and Bella's story was complete._

_I wasn't satisfied with the ending of their story because…well…after all…Bella's a vampire, and Edwards a vampire… and vampires are immortal…and immortals live forever…so if they live forever…then the story never ends right?_

**So, now you know, the middle of this story has been written for a while, two years almost. The first 4 chapters were not. I had to figure out where this was going, and how to explain it correctly. Of everything I've written so far, this chapter took the longest. Charlie is hard to write.**

**Please read and take that into consideration when you do. I truly appreciate any and every review. It's how I make it better for you. : )**

* * *

I heard a murmur of voices, muffled and vague, and could smell the scent of pine and salt in the air. There was something tugging at the edge of my consciousness, the feel of grass beneath my fingers, the sound of waves crashing against the shore, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't focus on the voices enough to make sense of the conversation.

"Most people would have been too scared to move." The voice sounded familiar, a young man's voice, too young to be Kevin, Connor or Dan. I tried to open my eyes but another smell caught my attention, a rusted copper scent and the spinning in my head began anew, the light through my closed lids making me nauseous.

"She's not most people, Luke." This voice, I didn't recognize. It was distinctly feminine, slightly more mature than the boy's, and there was a strange tone to the words, almost reverent, as if she took pride in that fact. I mulled over this information—feeling her hover slightly over me—I couldn't bring myself to feel irritated by the fact that these _strangers _already knew who I was. I tried to remember the name Luke from when my mother and I had toured Fork's but no memory surfaced from a meeting.

Luke's sudden boom of laughter interrupted my train of though. "You're right. Most people don't have such bad luck. I'm not sure she actually knows how to use her legs correctly." I wanted to frown at the remark but the muscles in my jaw were clenched as tight as they could in case my stomach decided to expel its contents. The young woman obviously didn't think his statement was as funny as he did I gathered from the resounding silence.

I heard my name being called from far off and someone close to me shifted their stance, sending a quick rush of air to wash over me, stirring the smell back up to waft into my nostrils. Realization hit me, and the light that made the thin membrane of skin over my eyes look red, began spinning rapidly like a kaleidoscope. The smell of salt and rust was blood. One thought of the crimson liquid and my stomach began to twist sickeningly. I was really going to vomit soon if I didn't get some fresh air.

"Just make sure her and her friends get home safe, okay?" There was an edge of tension to her voice. He must have nodded because he didn't respond out loud. "And help them find their Frisbee." There was amusement in her voice this time and I suddenly wondered if they'd both been watching me. "_Preferably_, without another run-in with _any _of the local wildlife," She added. "_You got me_?" The double meaning in her voice was obvious, even to me.

I recognized Izzy calling my name, I wanted to open my eyes, sit up, and call out to her, but that would more than likely mean that I would end up wearing what I'd eaten for breakfast.

"I'm not a ten-year-old," Luke replied tersely.

"_Luke_." Her voice softened, but her tone implied the use of caution.

There was a long pause as if he was waiting on something.

"Sure, sure. I got it," He acknowledged with a sigh, and his choice of words gave me that strangely familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach again. Then again…it could just be because of the whole feeling-like-I-was-going-to-be-sick thing.

I felt a quick gust of air beside me then there was a sudden silence, and I could clearly make out the sound of Dan's voice as he continued yelling my name, obnoxiously trying to be louder than Izzy. They were still a good distance away. I realized my returning ability to focus was due to the fact that, wherever the smell had been coming from, it was gone now. I let out a relieved groan when I no longer had to fight against bouts of queasiness, my muscles uncoiled, and my stomach finally settled. I was fairly confident that I could finally be introduced to the strangers discussing me without embarrassing myself.

"Oh good, you're alive." A soft chuckle made my eyes pop wide involuntarily, squinting against the shock of brightness. I propped myself up onto my elbows until my eyes adjusted enough to make out his face.

"Thanks to _you_," I murmured, eyeing him carefully. It was the boy from the woods, his childlike features, staring humorously down at me. As a cloud rolled across the sun I was able to wash my gaze fully over him. I noticed his tanned skin wasn't just tan but brown in fact, and his features hinted to his Native American heritage. He must have been one of the kids from the reservation I gathered as I met his eyes. His black hair touched the collar of his t-shirt and stuck out in odd directions around the oval shape of his face.

He grinned and offered me his hand. "I couldn't leave you there to be bear food could I?" I glared at him playfully as I reached to put my hand in his outstretched palm, getting to my feet, before slightly losing my balance. "Careful," He warned with a good natured chuckle as he reached out to steady me. "It would be pretty sad if all it takes is gravity to finish what that bear started."

I huffed and stepped away slowly. He was my height, and so lanky that his khaki shorts looked as if there were about ready to fall off his narrow hips. He couldn't have been older than fifteen I surmised.

Scanning my surroundings suspiciously, I noticed that we were alone. "Where's your friend?"

He frowned. "What friend?"

I blinked in confusion. "The girl you were talking to."

"I don't know who _you're_ talking about but there's nobody here but me and you." He shrugged flippantly. I furrowed my brows.

"But I heard her," I spluttered.

"I don't know what you heard, but it wasn't a girl. I was talking to _you_, trying to get you to wake up, but that's about it," He claimed dully. Ok, now I was getting slightly pissed off.

"_No_, you were both talking about—" I stopped speaking abruptly when I realized I'd honestly had no clue what they'd really been discussing.

He raised a dubious brow and crossed his arms. He was so young the posture seemed out of place. "_Yes_?" He goaded.

"I am not crazy." I snapped. "I know what I heard." _Didn't I?_

He raised his palms in defense. "I'm not saying you're crazy," He admitted. "But I'm pretty sure that the shock and the nerves are getting to you. After all, you were almost mauled by a bear just now," He reminded me.

_As if I could forget._

"They usually don't pass through this close to the reservation, you're lucky I heard you scream." He looked slightly smug as he said it.

Strange, I didn't remember screaming.

I blushed furiously but his previous words made my eyes narrow. "I thought you said most people don't have such _bad_ luck," I stated accusingly.

His eyes tightened slightly as they met mine head on, before the corners of his lips twitched slightly revealing a knowing smile.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He was mocking me now. _Jerk_.

"But it _is_ true," He amended. "Most people _don't _have as much bad luck as you do." He grinned widely. "First, there was that ridiculous excuse for a proper Frisbee toss," He teased. "Then you managed the rare feat of crossing paths with a bear in this neck of the woods." He was counting each action on his fingers now. "Somehow you got yourself all twisted up in those roots back there." He threw a thumb over his shoulder motioning towards the woods at his back. "And then you go and pass out on me when I try to rescue you." He had four fingers extended now. "So yeah, bad luck galore."

I was sure my whole face was red because I could feel the heat coming off my cheeks in waves. "Don't forget hearing imaginary voices." I added derisively. He had the audacity to laugh at the insinuation. I glared at him. "So what were you doing? _Stalking_ me?"

"I was in the area." He was being vague and I was fed up.

"Listen," I huffed, "Luke…whatever your name is, I'm not stupid, I'm not crazy, and just because you saved my life, that doesn't give you the right to treat me like I am. I know what I heard, and I don't understand why talking to that girl is something you feel like you need to lie to me about." He finally looked his age, like a kid being scolded should look. "So what, she left before I could meet her and get to know her as well as she obviously thinks she knows me, you couldn't just say that?" He actually seemed speechless, and slightly horrified. "I'm not your mom. I don't care if you talk to girls. If that's why you lied, because you think I'm going to go blabber to your parents, then you should know right now, I really don't care...at all." His face twisted into a look of confusion but then became vividly expressive as he finally understood my meaning.

"Um…yeah…it's not like that at all," He claimed. "Listen, it's a long story." He sighed nervously as a hand raked through his shaggy black hair. "Can we just drop it? You're friends are still looking for you." As if on cue, I heard my name, louder this time, coming from the forest that we'd both fled from not long before.

My stomach dropped. "Oh God!" My gasp of terror slid between my lips as I whirled to face the line of trees. "Izzy and the others are in there." I looked back at Luke with fear in my eyes. "The bear—"

"I'm pretty sure it's dead by now." He interrupted me. I stared open-mouthed at him for a few seconds as I remembered seeing the blur of something pale across my vision as the bear was knocked out of view.

"What was that thing that attacked the bear?" I asked breathily. "I only saw it for a split second."

"Don't know." He shrugged. "But it more than likely took that bear out."

"So it could still be out there, right? Hunting?" I felt the urgency in my voice nearly strangle me.

I didn't understand his nonchalant attitude. "Didn't you see how fast it moved?" He asked intently. "If it attacked humans, we wouldn't have gotten away." He made his point very clear.

I nodded, more to myself as I swallowed harshly. "Predators that fast are usually small. I don't understand what could move that quickly and still have the strength to take on a bear like that." My voice was barely a whisper. "It was too fast to be another bear." I was reasoning more to myself than to Luke.

"Adora!" Izzy's voice rang out suddenly making me turn to scan the shadows but I couldn't see anyone.

"Adora!" It was Kevin this time. Still nothing.

I looked back to Luke worriedly. "You said yourself that you didn't know what it was," I reminded him. "How can you be sure it won't attack people?"

"Quit freaking out." Luke sighed, rolling his eyes.

"That's easy for you to say," I cried furiously. "You don't have friends out there!" I pointed to the tree line.

He frowned resentfully. "I know Izzy and Connor," He said matter-of-factly.

That brought me up short. "Oh."

"They'll be fine…I promise." He winked at me suddenly before cupping his palms around his mouth like a megaphone. "Izzy! She's over here!" He called loudly.

"Luke! Is that you!" Connor's voice rang out sounding startled making me look behind me.

"Yes!" Luke called back with a laugh. I could suddenly hear the sound of rustling leaves and snapping twigs.

"Adora's with you! Is she okay!" Izzy yelled with worry lacing her voice.

"I'm fine!" I called before turning back to Luke. "We _will_ discuss your disappearing 'friend' later," I demanded sternly. He eyes darkened as his lips mashed into a tight line, just as the sound of branches being shoved out of the way alerted us that the others were almost to the clearing.

"There you are!" Izzy's exasperation rang out loudly. I turned meeting each of their worried expressions.

"Are you okay?" Connor asked.

"Did you find the Frisbee?" Dan inquired curiously which elicited a punch in the shoulder from Kevin. "I was kidding." He whined rubbing the spot.

"We've been looking for you for over an hour!" Izzy cried.

I blinked. Had it been that long?

"We thought you'd gotten yourself lost." Kevin stated. The sincere worry in his voice made me blush furiously.

"I kind of did." I admitted sheepishly.

"No," Luke corrected me. "She did much worse than that." He explained seriously. "She almost got herself turned into bear chow." He grimaced. There were a collection of gasps and I cringed.

"How close is almost?" Izzy asked eying me suspiciously. Luke opened his mouth to say something but a quick look of warning from me and his lips pressed tightly together.

"Luke saved me—if he hadn't found me then I'd probably be fur ball food right now." I was able to make my voice even, though the memory of the bears giant paws, claws bared, poised to strike made my stomach twist.

Their eyes widened considerably as they darted from me to Luke and then back to me again.

"But you're okay, right?" Izzy swallowed.

"Obviously," I stated dryly. "I'm standing here talking to you aren't I?" She still stared at me with wide eyes. I sighed. "I'm fine Izzy. I almost twisted my ankle when it got caught in a few roots while I was running, but other than that I managed to survive fairly unscathed." I smiled wryly. That seemed to finally satisfy her.

"Well," She began, "Now we know what took you so long." She teased.

"So…you didn't find the Frisbee?" Dan spoke up. I saw the mirth in his eyes and laughed.

"Sorry, with almost being eaten by a bear and all, it sort of dropped off the top of my list of priorities. Staying alive kind of comes first, you know?" I winked at him, letting the others know we were joking.

Luke's voice suddenly called from deep in the forest startling me. "I think I saw it over here." I whirled around quickly my eyes wide with disbelief when I realized Luke was indeed nowhere to be seen.

"What the—?" My words cut off when something bright yellow came flying into the clearing to land a few feet from me. It was the Frisbee. A few seconds later Luke came jogging into view. "I didn't even see you leave." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You just weren't paying attention." He grinned tapping my nose playfully as he jogged past me. My nose scrunched up at the contact as I glared balefully at him before I bent to snatch the Frisbee from the ground. "Seriously, if you're going to survive in Fork's you're going to have to work on paying closer attention to your surroundings." He winked at me. I fumed silently.

He probably thought he was being charming. As charming as a fifteen year old could be—I merely chalked it up to natural male cockiness. Something about his attitude irritated me. Oh, wait; maybe it was the cockiness I was referring to. It got under my skin, and not in a pleasant way. Maybe it was the way he made me feel like our ages were the opposite of what they really were— treating me as if I were merely a clumsy and childish stranger and him the responsible older one. I blushed furiously. Okay, so maybe I was the new kid in town, but this was my home now, and a random cocky boy shouldn't be able to make me feel like a complete idiot with one look.

"Adora?"

I blinked and focused on Kevin's face. Evidently they'd been talking to me and I'd missed it entirely.

"Huh?"

"We're going to head back over to the beach." Connor reiterated the gist of their conversation watching me.

"Oh." My eyebrows rose slightly, I turned to peer at Luke carefully and Izzy noticed my gaze.

"You're more than welcome to come with us," She offered to him with a warm smile. I pressed my mouth into a tight line to repress anything rude I might be tempted to say.

"Nah, that's okay," He chuckled eyeing me with amusement. "I've already promised that I'd go fishing with Seth and the Chief."

My head snapped up. I felt sharpness in my chest, a strange heightened awareness of the meaning to his words. A normal stranger would have assumed he meant the chief of the tribe but I knew better. It was the way he said it with warmth, as if talking about an uncle, not with reverence the way he would if it were a tribal elder.

"Chief? As in, Chief Swan?" I couldn't even try to hide the interest in my voice.

"Charlie?" He let out a surprised laugh. "Yeah, he lives here on the reservation now." I bit my bottom lip as I stared at him.

"Close by?" I probably sounded voracious.

"Uh, Adora, I don't think that's such a good idea."

I looked to Izzy with a raised eyebrow. "What?"

"Him seeing you, I mean…" Her eyes widened considerably trying to silently explain. It took me a second but the light finally clicked on.

"Hmm, maybe you're right," I mused.

"Do you know what they're talking about?" Luke whispered, trying to be cute as he leaned towards Connor.

"No clue." Connor shook his head.

We both ignored them.

"Then again, I'm bound to meet him sooner or later." I met Izzy's eyes straight on. "Might as well get it over with." I shrugged, turning away slightly.

"Hey, wait a sec," She stammered reaching out to stop me. "If you're so hell bent on making introductions, then at least call him first. _Warn him_." It was almost a growl and it surprised me. Her eyes suddenly softened. "He's a nice man, there's no need to give him a heart attack. I'll give you his number."

I nodded. "I can do that."

"Ugh! That's it!" The snarl of aggravation startled us.

We both turned to look at Luke.

He rolled his eyes in annoyance and looked at Connor, Kevin and Dan. "I'm sticking to Rez girls. Your pale face chicks are too bizarre to figure the hell out."

I stared at the folded slip of paper between my fingers that Izzy had given me after we'd arrived home. It had been two days and I still hadn't worked up the courage to call the numbers scratched out in black ink.

Izzy had berated me saying, "You wanted to talk to him, you practically pushed the subject until I gave in, and now you're chicken?"

I scowled at her. "It's complicated."

"How?" Her brows were furrowed.

"I don't know if I'm ready for some of the answers." I whispered with a strangled voice.

"Adora, I know this really has nothing to do with me, but honestly, you're my friend, and this whole thing has been bothering you ever since I told you about _her._" She lowered her voice slightly on the last part. "But you're not going to let it go until you get what you want out of all of this."

"First off, if you hadn't told me anything, I'd be much worse off than I am now, _trust me._" I met her eyes. "Secondly, when did _her name_ become taboo?" I raised a quizzical brow.

She looked almost ashamed. "Mom, kind of, asked me not to mention anything to you." She bit her lip and winced. "But I'd already told you everything."

"Oh…well…not much you can do about it now." I murmured apologetically.

Her eyes flickered to my alarm clock and sighed. "I've got to go." She frowned. "Promise me you'll call." She touched the back of my hand. "Even if nothing comes from it, you'll know you at least tried." She smiled sadly. "At least you won't still be wondering 'what if'."

I focused back on the moment at hand and took a breath. My heart was pounding in my ears as the firs ring sounded in my ears. I could feel the perspiration on my forehead suddenly.

There was another ring and I felt myself tremble slightly, the knot in my stomach tightening. I was half-tempted to hang up.

The third ring began but was abruptly cut off.

I was startled by the voice on the other end—A woman's voice. "Hello?"

"Er…Chief Swan?" I felt like an idiot and mentally smacked myself in the forehead.

There was a soft chuckle from the other end. "No, this is his wife Sue. May I ask who's calling?"

"My name is Adora—Adora Swan." I cringed, wondering how well that news would be received. "I need to speak with Chief Swan if he's available." There was a pause on the other end. "Please," I pleaded. "It's important." I heard the receiver shift slightly as she covered it.

"Charlie!" She called loudly enough for me to hear. "Telephone!"

There was a soft rustling sound before she spoke in hushed quick tones.

"She says her name is Adora Swan." There was another roll of static into the receiver, until a gruff voice answered the silence.

"Hello?"

"Chief Swan?" I asked out of courtesy. Using his former title, being a stranger to him, seemed to have caught him off guard or maybe it was the sound of my voice.

Did I sound like his daughter too?

"Er—yes, speaking." His voice jarred me slightly, as a strange wave of emotions swept me. I didn't understand them, I couldn't even decipher what they were, but the sudden feelings of the familiar, causing the ache in my chest and the burn in my eyes, caught me off guard.

"Chief Swan…" I paused composing myself. "My name is Adora Swan, I just moved here with my mom." I waited for his acknowledgement, waited to see if the gossip of my appearance had reached him yet.

"Oh, yeah, yes, Andrea's daughter." He stumbled with the recognition, but it was nothing out of the ordinary.

"My mother and I are living in your old house Chief Swan." I mentally kicked myself. What was I supposed to say to him? How was I supposed to approach this subject? "And, I uh, I had some questions about it, if you don't mind me asking them." Of course, that didn't assure me that he would answer them though.

"Uh, sure. Is there a problem with the place?" He sounded concerned.

"No, not at all. It's just that—" I took in a deep breath, it would be better to get the awkward part over with.

"Yes?"

"Listen," I sighed, "This is going to sound really strange to you, and I know after what I'm about to tell you, you may just hang up on me, but it's about your daughter, Bella." There was a long pause, so long that if it weren't for the sound of his sudden unsteady breathing, I would have thought that he _had _hung up on me. "Chief Swan?" Another pause.

He cleared his throat, pausing one last time. "What about her?" His voice had gone quiet.

I prayed silently suddenly, that I was doing the right thing, and not causing this man anymore grief than he had already been through.

"I know this won't make any sense." I began. "But everyone in this town—at least everyone I've met who knew your daughter, they all look at me like—like they've seen a ghost. Mr. and Mrs. Chaney, Mr. Newton, random strangers I pass on the street." I was getting flustered. "I don't know how to say this without sounding like a total nutcase, but my room…it's Bella's old room, and ever since we moved in, I've had these strange dreams about her." It wasn't a total lie, the flashes of images were like dreams, Bella was in them…she just wasn't necessarily the focal point. "I didn't believe everyone at first, when they told me." I took a breath. "Then I saw her picture, it was linked to one of the newspaper articles about her. The one about the accident at her school." I could almost feel him flinch through the phone. "And it's true, we're identical." I stopped there, and gave him a moment to process what I had told him. There was that long silence again. "I thought maybe we just looked similar at first, but every time I see a picture of her it's like I'm looking at myself." I waited. He was still breathing, that was a good sign. "I know it doesn't make any sense, and I'm sure you don't believe me seeing as how strange this must sound—"

"I've seen a lot of strange things in my life." His voice sounded careful. "I guess nothing should surprise me anymore, but somehow you managed to say the one thing that did." He sighed heavily. "I think, I need to see this for myself."

"I'm surprised you haven't heard about me already, most people have." I could hear the resentment in my voice.

"Well, you and your mom have only been here for about a week, I'm sure I would have heard the gossip sooner or later." He sounded exasperated. "In a small town like this, nothing stays a secret for long."

"Yeah, I kind of figured that out." I sighed.

"Don't take it personally, the people here are so bored, they have nothing else to do but gossip." I could hear the edge of a wry smile in his voice.

"If I had known ahead of time how people were going to react to seeing me, it might have been easier." I admitted.

He was silent for a moment. "You really look just like her?" The question seemed to nearly strangle him.

"I've seen it myself. If I hadn't come across her picture it probably wouldn't have bothered me, but it's not just her picture. It's her room, our names, the whole town. It's all déjà vu, everywhere I go here, I feel like I've been there before, but I know I haven't. I've never been farther west than Chicago." The laughter in my voice was slightly hysterical.

"And you think because you look like Bella, it might explain why?" He asked uncertainly.

"Maybe," I offered hopefully. "Maybe not," I sighed. "If I knew more about her, it might help a little."

"That's why you called me?" He pressed carefully.

"You're her father, there's no one else for me to talk to about her." I backtracked suddenly attempting to rephrase my words. "It wouldn't be right, I mean, to not contact you first." I waited and held my breath, listening carefully.

"This isn't exactly a conversation I'd like to have over the phone." He mumbled awkwardly. "Can we set up a meeting?"

"That would help immensely." I agreed.

"Should I meet with you and your mother to explain—"

"That's not such a great idea." I grimaced. "She hasn't really noticed what's going on, I really don't want to drag her into this." I pleaded.

"You should tell her." His voice sounded odd, almost defensive. "I'm sure there were things that Bella kept from me, other things besides the stuff I know about now." His voice was full of incredulity. "It's like she was trying to protect me from things she thought I wouldn't understand. I was her dad. It was my job to protect _her_." He sounded sad. "I always thought that if I'd known before, then none of that stuff would have ever happened." There was a long pause. "You shouldn't keep your mother in the dark."

I was stunned into silence.

His words made me feel slightly guilty. "I understand." I conceded. "And I will, but not until I figure a few things out."

He seemed slightly mollified. "If not your house, then would you be able to come by mine?" He asked, his voice sounding firmer.

"Of course, if that's not too soon—"

"Two O'clock?" My eyes flickered to the clock.

"An hour?" I was a little surprised by his rush.

"Yes." His tone said he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

I didn't know what else to say.

"Thank you."

It was two minutes till when I pulled into the driveway—my heart pounding, my pulse thrumming. The house was gray and rectangular, situated on a flat piece of land that like his former home had, backed up to the sprawl of the forest. I made my way to the set of tan double doors, tucking my hair nervously behind my ears before raising my fist to knock. Before it made contact though, the door swung inward.

Charlie Swan, stared with impossible calmness, his chest rising and falling rapidly, as his eyes swept my face. He was taking it better than the others had.

It was a delayed reaction, one that I should have expected when his fist suddenly raised to cover his mouth, and he choked out the words. "Impossible!" It was then that the horror, and wonder, and tenderness, too raw for me to continue to watch crept into his eyes, making me turn away. In that moment, I felt like a monster. What right did I have to bring this upon him?

"No," He called brokenly, "No Adora, please don't." I heard him take in a shaky breath, trying to regain his control. "Don't go, I'm sorry." Why was he the one apologizing? It was _my_ face that was visibly torturing him. "I just didn't think—I wasn't ready." I flinched even as his voice regained most of its composure.

"It's not your fault, you shouldn't be apologizing." I found the courage to face him again.

"Please." He opened the door slowly. His eyes still held a trace of pain, but more so, they begged me to comply. I stepped forward until I was fully surrounded by the small confines of the entry way enough for him to close the door. He kept stealing glances at me, as he motioned towards a small dining room that adjoined the kitchen. We stood awkwardly for a moment in silence, as we both tried to figure out what to say. He cleared his throat first. "Uh, can I get you anything?"

I smiled grateful for the delay. "A glass of water would be great."

"Sure. Just have a seat." I slid into one of the chairs, my hands folded nervously in my lap, as my eyes followed his movements. Once upon a time, Charlie Swan had been a handsome man, it was still visible beneath his aged exterior, his face tanned and crinkled, while most of his short auburn hair was peppered with grey. He still moved with ease and strength, evident by the muscles displayed beneath his grey t-shirt. The only thing that age had left untouched were his eyes. Overtime, I'd noticed how the eyes of most people dulled, became flat and blank, no longer open to life before them, but rather closed to sorrows of their past. Charlie Swan still held onto the vibrancy from his youth, but in turn, it betrayed what it had cost him to keep what life he still had left in those brown pools.

I looked away nervously when I realized that we were both staring, frowning down at the tips of my sneakers as they tapped absentmindedly against the floor. "I apologize again for…startling you. I tried to warn you, I guess I didn't do a very good job."

"I don't think there's anything you could have said that would have helped." I looked up, startled when he sat a glass of water clinking with ice before me. There was a wry smile on his lips as he popped open the tab of a can of beer before taking a seat across from me.

"Sorry." I felt warmth flood my cheeks.

"Don't be." He was serious suddenly. "It's hard," He sighed, "You look just like her, sound just like her, you even blush just like her." There was warmth to his voice then. "She's been gone for so long, I'd almost forgotten what she was like at your age." There was a strange tone in the way he said that. I peered at him curiously before taking a sip of the water.

I swallowed slowly. "What _was_ she like?"

"Bells was always very grown up for her age, responsible, smart. She was probably the most well behaved teenage daughter a single dad could ask for." He stared off as if seeing something invisible.

"Chief Swan—"

"Call me Charlie." He interjected.

"Charlie," I began, "I'm going to try to keep from asking you anything that would be painful for you to talk about, I know a lot already, but there were a few things I need to ask." He straightened slowly, as if preparing himself.

"I'll try to answer them the best I can." He paused for a moment. "You said that you were living in Bella's old room." I nodded. "Do you like it?"

"It's a beautiful house."

He stared curiously at me for a moment. "But?"

"The dreams I've been having ever since we moved here, have been a little unsettling. Some of them aren't even like dreams, they're like memories." I was suddenly frustrated with myself. "I'm not sure I can explain." I was reluctant to go into too much detail.

"I don't think you need to." He sighed and looked down for a long moment. "When you called me, and told me what you looked like…" He trailed off before his eyes rose to meet mine. "Let's just say Bells had a lot of…_strange_ things happen during her life here in Forks." I leaned forward slightly. Maybe he had the answers I needed, had Bella had the strange dreams too? "I called Angela and Mike after I got off the phone with you." He looked regretful. "I wish I could tell you something that made sense, but I can't. That house isn't haunted if that's what you're thinking, and I can't explain why you look just like her." All my theories and hopes disintegrated. I felt everything slipping away, I was desperate.

"What about Edward Cullen?" I blurted out suddenly. Charlie froze.

"What _about _Edward Cullen?" His face suddenly darkened; his tone filling with blackness.

"I've had dreams about him too." That didn't seem to help, his face seemed to darken more drastically. "Mrs. Chaney's daughter, Izzy, said that he and Bella were married." His fingers flexed around the can slightly I heard the pop of the aluminum as it compressed. "I thought that maybe that would explain—"

"Adora." His voice stopped me. It was strained with barely contained range. "Obviously Izzy didn't tell you everything. That _boy, _is the reason my daughter is dead." My eyes widened slowly before I nodded.

Okay, so I wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box when it came to catching on to subtle hints, but his voice said it loud and clear: The topic of Edward Cullen was a sore subject.

I stumbled over an apology. "I—I'm sorry, I didn't know—"

"I know you didn't." His voice had calmed by a few degrees. I waited patiently, he hadn't let me finish so I didn't get a chance to tell him the truth.

"What I _meant_ to say," I began in a stronger voice, "was that I didn't know it was a sore subject, but yes, Izzy did explain about Bella's death." His eyes narrowed slightly. "I promised to try to keep from asking anything that I thought would be painful," I explained. "Izzy said it was an accident, I had no idea that you blamed him." He stared for a long moment, deciphering my words.

I saw in his eyes suddenly, as clear as day, that he was reminding himself that I was a stranger.

I wasn't his daughter, and it was too late to keep her away from Edward Cullen.

I realized suddenly that I had it all wrong…

He blamed himself.

"That boy was trouble from the beginning," He muttered matter-of-factly. "Every time she ended up in the hospital, _he _was somehow involved." My eyes widened slightly at his implications. Izzy had painted a very different picture.

"Like the accident at Forks High School?" I asked carefully.

He leaned back in his chair slowly. "That was the first time." He shook his head slowly.

"But he saved her," I argued.

"_Not when it mattered_!" It burst from his lips angrily. "They barely even knew each other when it happened the first time." His voice was rising rapidly. "He should have saved her _every_ time! He was her Husband! He was supposed to protect her!" I felt myself lean away in shock, and the look on my face must have registered with him, because I watched the anger slowly drain away by degrees until we were left with awkward silence. There was only the dull thud of my heartbeat as it slowed, and the quick rise and fall of his chest.

"I'm sorry 'bout that." He was breathing harshly, his eyes averted from my gaze. "It's hard to remain calm with you sitting here." He lowered his eyes shamefully. "I know you're not her," He paused taking a deep breath. "But you remind me of her so much. She was stubborn too." There was a wry grin tugging at his lips as he looked up. "I keep getting this feeling, like if I could just make you understand, I'd do right by her in the end. Like if I save you from making the same mistake, it'd make up for all the ways I failed to save her." I didn't know what crime I would have to commit to match the guilt I saw in Charlie Swan's eyes with my own, but I was sure that I never wanted to find out. I didn't know what to say after that. What could I say? 'I'm sorry you're daughter died'? Of course not. Was I supposed to apologize for being stubborn too?

"I frightened you." I focused back on his face where his features were twisted into a painful apology.

"No." I shook my head softly, my ponytail brushing against my bare neck. Honesty was best. "I'm just not sure what you expect me to say."

"I don't expect you to say anything," He admitted. "I just hope you try to understand where I'm coming from." His eyes held a strange warmth to them as he said that, almost fatherly.

I smiled. "I do," I said with a curt nod. "Before the divorce—out of the four of us, my dad and I were the closest. I got along with my brother Jared pretty well, and my mom and I did things together, but my dad, I _trusted_ him." I felt a bitter edge lace the words. "He worried about me a lot growing up, he wanted to keep me from making the same mistakes he'd made, he tried to shelter me, but sooner or later I guess he realized that I had to make those mistakes to learn. There's only so much he could have done to protect me, I've always been pretty responsible for myself." I noted how Charlie's eyes suddenly brightened.

"Bella was the same way," He commented softly.

"Right," I nodded, "So, you have to realize that no matter what you said or did, things were going to happen the way they did. You couldn't have controlled her decisions. If she was as responsible as you say she was then all her life you must have trusted her judgment—"

"_Not_ when it came to _him_!" He growled.

"Why?"

"Because, he just—he wasn't good for her," He stammered as if it explained everything.

"Explain it to me." I demanded. "Obviously, because I look like her, you're forgetting that I don't know what you're talking about." I pointed out. He sat back, dumbfounded for a moment, before he scowled slightly.

"You already know an awful lot." There was a slight accusatory tone to his words.

I rolled my eyes. "Izzy has an over active imagination, and she was chomping at the bit to explain everything to me when I asked why everyone over the age of 40 keeps looking at me funny," I explained. "I think she was trying to scare me."

He was frowning, his brows deeply furrowed against his forehead. He seemed to be contemplating something very seriously.

"What is it?"

"I'm just wondering what exactly Izzy told you." His voice was slightly curious, but it masked whatever it was that he didn't want me to know.

There was something he was deliberately not telling me, probably waiting to see if Izzy had already revealed it unknowingly. I chewed on my lip as I debated my options. So far, he was the only link I had, and I couldn't risk losing the answers he could provide. "I told you, she explained why I seem to…er…surprise most of the people I meet." He watched me carefully so I continued. "Because I look like Bella."

"That's all she told you?" His face gave nothing away.

"For the most part." I shrugged.

He sat up slowly and leaned forward, his eyes intently boring into my own. "Then how did the topic of Edward Cullen come up?" He had me there; I'd forgotten that I'd even mentioned him.

I blushed furiously. "I had a dream about him." His eyes widened. "It was so strange." I remembered the sadness in the topaz gaze. "At first it was only his eyes, back before we moved to Forks. Of course I didn't know it was him then." He actually seemed to pale suddenly. "I always felt so…" I trailed off as I tried to think of the right words.

"Repulsed?" He spat bitterly.

"No." I corrected him gently. "Protected." That seemed to surprise him making the heat in my cheeks burn hotter. "Cherished almost." He looked as if he were in physical pain. "When I wake up, I always feel very…empty. It's unsettling. Like something's missing."

"He makes you happy?" His voice was strained. It was an odd question.

"I feel happy, when I'm dreaming I suppose." I nodded sheepishly.

"You told Izzy this?" He asked curiously.

"No."

He blinked as a muscle in his jaw ticked.

"She told me what he looked like and her description described the boy from my dreams." I admitted.

"How did she know what he looked like?" He looked confused. "He died before she was born."

"According to Izzy and all her superstitious nonsense he's back from the dead, as a zombie or ghost or whatever." I sighed, sagging back into my chair. Charlie did the exact opposite. It was as if lightning had struck him. Every hair stood on end, his body tensed in a split second, his hands were suddenly fists at his side.

"What do you mean?" Each word was said very carefully and very coldly.

"Izzy said her mom had a similar experience, a few weeks ago, she saw a boy who looked just like Edward Cullen," I watched him cautiously. "And Izzy literally ran into him at the high school a few days later." I continued carefully, watching for signs that he might snap. "Charlie?" I asked warily. "Are you okay?"

He didn't say anything for a long time, he only stared blankly ahead, his tension vibrating through the room and then his lips moved slowly but he spoke too low for me to make out the words.

"What was that?" I asked leaning forward.

He shook his head and muttered something beneath his breath, finally thawing out enough to look at me. "Nothing." His voice had taken on that darkened tone again.

"Charlie? Are you sure you're all right?" I asked worriedly. He finally sighed and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, digging the heels of his palms into his closed his eyes.

"Yeah," He answered quietly. "I'm okay." He nodded sitting up to finally look at me. His eyes scanned my face carefully, for several minutes, as if measuring me, memorizing my face.

After a long silence he got up and disappeared into the kitchen. I blinked at his empty chair, too confused to speak as I waited. A few minutes later he returned with a folder piece of paper, the design on the outside looked like something you'd see on those little refrigerator magnet notepads for making grocery lists. He looked tired suddenly, as if he'd aged in mere moments as he raised the half crumpled can of beer to his lips and chugged down several gulps before meeting my gaze head on.

"Adora, I want you to listen to me, very carefully," He whispered setting the paper aside before taking my hands in his much larger ones, his suddenly hollow gaze slamming into mine. "This changes things. I don't think I'm the one you need to be talking to."

"I don't understand." I whispered frantically.

"I know." He nodded releasing one of his hands so that he could press the slip of paper between mine. "Listen to me." He squeezed my fingers gently. "You need to go see Dr. Carlisle Cullen, he's Edward's father." My eyes widened. "Tell him I sent you and he'll understand. This is his address." He squeezed my hands together indicating the paper. "Those things that Bella kept from me, I'm sure Carlisle knows what they are, and they might help you." It seemed to hurt him to say the next words. "Bella, you have to do something for me." I felt my chest tighten, as tears suddenly blurred my vision. "Don't do anything else, go straight to Carlisle. You have to stay away from that boy until you've talked to Carlisle." I felt so confused; the tears were spilling down my cheeks. "He's dangerous Bella!" He grabbed my shoulders suddenly. "Do you understand me? He could hurt you!"

I was hyperventilating suddenly, unable to regulate my breathing. "But I'm not Bella." I whispered.

"He won't care." He said harshly shaking me and the severity of his words jerked me up short. "Please, for me, find Carlisle." He urged his voice softening when he saw my face.

I nodded numbly as he stood pulling me with him. I slid the paper into one of my back jean pockets, retrieving my car keys from the other one as I followed him lifelessly to the door.

I had barely taken a step outside when he suddenly pulled me to his chest, holding me close. "I never told her I loved her enough." Charlie croaked. "I should have." He whispered. "You take care of yourself, okay Kid?" He murmured pulling back to look down on me with a sad smile. "And if you ever figure all of this crazy stuff out, come see me, if you feel like you can talk to me."

I nodded and smiled gently up at him even though I could still feel the tightness around my eyes. "Thank you Charlie." I murmured rising up to press my lips to his cheek. His eyes softened as I turned away, heading straight to my car.

"Take care of yourself Bells." I heard him whisper as I walked away.

* * *

**So I know you all have a million questions.**

**Who saved her from the bear? Who was Luke talking to? Why did Charlie warn her about Edward but not Carlisle? Why are the Cullen's back in Fork's so soon? How did Bella die? Why does Adora look like Bella?**

**I promise the next few chapters will explain _everything_.**

**I hope you enjoyed it so far and you should know that I do the happy dance every time you review. **


	6. Family Reunion

**Guys, I am so terribly sorry that it has taken me so long to update. **

**I'm in the Army Reserves and I was recently informed that my unit will be deploying to Iraq. I fly out next week to start training, and preparing for something like this hasn't afforded me the time I've needed to write. **

**As an apology, this will be the longest chapter so far, and hopefully it will explain a lot, I'll be editing the next chapter as soon as I post this one.**

** I'm truly sorry for the wait.**

**

* * *

**

The swirl of thoughts swam behind my eyes as I drove. Something had frightened Charlie, I had seen it in his eyes as he had pulled me close, holding me as if he were afraid to let me go. I knew why he'd acted the way he had, and I couldn't begrudge him for calling me Bella, I could sort of understand. He had lost his only child, his baby girl, and as her father, seeing me had only ripped those old wounds open, bringing painful memories back to the surface. I felt awful. He didn't deserve that. He was a good man, a decent man. He was kind and protective. No one could ever doubt that he had loved his daughter, that Bella had been everything to him. Maybe he was trying to protect me, to make me understand. Maybe he saw some of his daughter in me.

I felt tears swim in my eyes. I blinked them back, wiping away the few that escaped with the back of my hand.

It was hard not to hear the fatherly affection in his voice as he tried to warn me…or the fear beneath it. I was so confused. The boy claiming to be Edward Cullen was…_dangerous_? It made no sense, neither did Charlie's reaction. I furrowed my brows as I remembered something odd. Things weren't adding up.

I could hear Charlie's voice in my mind…

"_He died before she was born."_

If Edward Cullen was dead, then why would I be in danger? The boy wouldn't know about Bella, he wouldn't make the connection and recognize me. He couldn't, he—

I felt a prickle of fear run like an electric current across my skin as I remembered my first conversation with Izzy.

"_The Edward Cullen my parents knew supposedly died."_

It had been strange, the way she had said it.

"_You talk like he's the same person." I observed._

"_My mom and dad are convinced that he _is_." She said pointedly._

The loud blaring of a horn pulled me from my thoughts bringing my focus back to the road. I had managed to veer into oncoming traffic. I jerked the wheel hard, hearing the protest of my tires, missing the other vehicle by a few feet. I slammed on my breaks, pulling over into the grassy shoulder of the road. My heart was pounding, and I could feel my face smoldering with embarrassment. I silently apologized to the other driver for my carelessness and reached to shift to park before shutting off the engine, trying to pull myself together.

I couldn't think straight, as an image of Edward Cullen swam into view, his beautiful sad eyes, his pale features twisted in pain.

Were they all trying to tell me that he wasn't dead after all? My face scrunched up in disregard. No, that couldn't be right. Izzy had said that he looked to same. I felt another rush of panic hit me.

"_His funeral was an open casket, and the people who were there said he didn't look like he'd aged a day since high school."_

I felt realization freeze me.

_He didn't look like he'd aged a day._

That was impossible. Even as I went over the explanations in my head, I knew that none of them fit, none of them explained _this._ I couldn't rationalize any of it.

The truth came crashing down one me suddenly. The boy Izzy and her parents had seen didn't merely resemble Edward Cullen…_he_ _was Edward Cullen._

He had to be.

I blinked rapidly as a few cars flew past me. I was beyond being practical. I didn't even want to speculate how it was possible. He was alive, and he was here in Forks. Charlie's warning rang out in my head.

"_You have to stay away from that boy…" _

"_He's dangerous Bella!" _

"_He could hurt you!" _

I swallowed harshly. If I looked like Bella, then why would he hurt me? I remembered what Izzy had told me.

"_Mom said she'd never seen two people so in love with each other."_

Bella was dead.

I wasn't Bella.

"_He won't care."_

I felt my head spinning. I slumped forward to press my cheek against the steering wheel, closing my eyes. I tried to remember him, recalling a dream from a few nights before.

_I was running._

_The trees were a blur of green beside me. Something was chasing me. I imagined it to be the bear from the woods, but I knew that wasn't what it was. I could feel the heat behind me, pressing against my back. It was becoming uncomfortably stifling, as the air felt too warm in my lungs. I could taste the smoke on my tongue. I looked over my shoulder, a wall of flames consumed everything behind me as is raced forward, devouring trees and fallen trunks in its path. I screamed. It was coming for me. My legs pushed harder, I could feel the burn in my thighs as I choked, trying to breathe through the smoldering heat._

_I pushed against the branches in my way. There was a break in the trees up ahead. I could see the light breaking through the entwining arms of leafs and twigs. The fire was gaining; I could feel the burn against my skin. I cried out as I broke into the clearing, but my relief was short. The entire edge of the clearing was in flames, I skidded to a halt to look behind me where the wall of fire had stalled at the edge of the forest. I blinked in confusion and turned back to the clearing. _

_I gasped. He was there, standing barely ten feet from me, watching me curiously._

_Edward Cullen._

_His perfect features wore an expression of shock before they fell into painful lines. His eyebrows knotted together as a pale hand suddenly fisted a handful of his t-shirt over his heart as if he were in severe pain._

"_Edward?" I could hear the panic in my own voice as my eyes darted to the flames quickly before coming back to meet his eyes._

_Slowly, step by careful step, he closed the distance between us, stopping when he was close enough that I could have reached out and touched him if I wanted to. I trembled slightly._

"_Bella." His voice quivered slightly as if he were about to begin sobbing. The hand at his side slowly came up, until two fingers could press gently against my cheek. I shivered, his touch was cool and smooth, his fingers like satin against my skin. "Forgive me, Bella."_

_My heart skipped a beat and then doubled its pace. "Edward…" I breathed his name._

"_Forgive me," He begged tenderly, his face tilting until it was an inch from mine, his cool breath washing over my face, chasing away the heat. His golden gaze filled my vision, taking my breath away. His palm twisted against my cheek, sliding to cup my neck, his thumb tracing my jaw making me shiver. He leaned closer, and I could feel my heat clinging to his coolness like a magnet, his lips a breath away from touching mine._

_It was so soft I wasn't sure I felt it at first, as his lips whispered, the slightest touch, and then I could feel the delicious pressure. His arm encircled my waist, pressing me flush against him, and he moaned into my mouth. He began to move, his lips teasing mine, alternating between my upper and lower lip. I could feel my head spinning, my world dissolving around me._

_I reached out to touch him, but he pulled away abruptly, leaving me breathing harshly as I stared at him bewildered. _

_His face pinched suddenly, reverting back to a look of agony. "I'm sorry." _

"_I don't understand." I took a step forward and he in turn took a step back._

"_It's all my fault," He whispered._

"_Edward—"I said trying once more but he mirrored my movement._

"_I could have saved you…" His words broke off as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly, his face contorting into a grimace of pain. He continued to step farther away. I felt my legs aching to move, my entire body aching to be closer to him but I couldn't make myself budge. Slowly his eyes opened to stare at me, a feral look in his eyes. "Please, forgive me."_

_The ground beneath us began to shift, tremors shaking us until a fissure appeared between us and the earth opened up. My eyes darted up to meet his and the torture on his beautiful face made my chest feel as if it would collapse. Steam hissed from the crevice, until flames erupted ten feet high, they licked and popped spreading like a barrier between us._

_Edward disappeared. "No!"I cried out, running forward, the heat stopping me instantly. The edges of the fire reached out to join the blazing wall encircling the clearing. I darted along the edge of the fractured soil, my eyes frantically scanning the other side of the flames for Edward. The fire calmed by slow degrees and I waited my heart hammering with terror._

_I saw him, staring straight ahead, his fearful eyes searching for me. _

"_Edward!" I whimpered hysterically. When he found my face, I watched his entire being sag in relief. A sad smile suddenly pulled tight across his lips as he began walking towards the flames. I felt sudden dread rip through me when he didn't stop a few yards from them. I watched him grow closer and closer, fear seizing me when the entire clearing went silent. _

"_I love you," He whispered. "Forever, Bella."_

"_No Edward, don't!" I screamed, but it was too late, he disappeared into the fiery depths and I fell to my knees._

I blinked back the moisture in my eyes, until I could peer out my window watching as a few more cars passed.

The Edward that Izzy had described to me and the Edward my subconscious had conjured up _did not_ match the one that Charlie Swan had warned me to stay away from. The facts in my head sounded better when they weren't said out loud.

I rubbed my eyes roughly, and wiped the transference of moisture on my jeans before starting the car again, and continuing on my way home.

No matter what Charlie had said, even if Edward's father was here in Fork's, and even if he did have more answers than Charlie could give me, I still wasn't sure if I was ready to hear them.

Still first thing was first—I needed to pick a few things up.

Izzy was waiting for me when I got home, sitting behind the steering wheel of her red Chevy Tahoe reading a magazine. I slammed my car door shut getting her attention, watching her jump up and scramble to get her seat belt unbuckled before hopping out to join me.

"Did you see Chief Swan? Your mom said you weren't here so I thought—" Her words stopped when she noticed the plastic grocery bag in my hand.

"I saw Charlie." I nodded once before pointedly eyeing one of the neighbors taking the trash out. She understood that I wasn't going to say anything else while we were outside. Her eyes darted once more to the bag, no doubt seeing the outline of its contents trough the thin wall of the plastic.

"What is that for?" Her eyes met mine again. I silently thanked the universe for a friend like Izzy, she caught on quick and she didn't play games.

"I need your help," was all I said before heading to the front door.

"How does it look?" I scrunched my nose as the remnants of the harsh chemical smell burned my nostrils and stung my eyes.

"Different," She laughed, "Very different."

I rolled my eyes and tried to lean at a far enough angle so that I could catch a glimpse of my hair in my dresser mirror. No such luck. Izzy grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked me back before I saw anything.

"No peeking," She chided playfully. I glared at her.

"Does it look weird?" I asked, suddenly nervous. I could feel her undoing the foils and twisted sections of hair.

"No, I think it fits you."

I snorted at that. "And _I _think my mom is going to have a cow."

"Hey, it was your idea," She reminded me.

I was silent then, blinking rapidly as I stared out the window that overlooked our tiny front yard. I hadn't intended for the change to be quite so drastic, but then a thought had occurred to me; if I had merely changed my hair color by a few shades, it wouldn't have made a difference, but by altering it completely, maybe I wouldn't frighten as many people.

I'd never dyed my hair before, I'd never had a reason to, but after meeting Charlie I'd started considering the perks.

Izzy's voice broke me from my thoughts. "Luke was asking about you."

I felt a scowl crawl across my face. "And?" I crossed my arms. Izzy laughed at my sudden mood swing.

"He said you should come back to LaPush, so he can teach you how to really throw a Frisbee," She giggled.

"He's annoying," I grumbled.

"He is _not_." She was still laughing, and I wasn't so sure that she wasn't laughing at me.

"Yes, he is. He's a cocky little brat." I continued to scowl.

"He's like that with everybody at first. After a while he gets bored and starts treating you normal. Like Connor and I. You'll get used to it," She offered with a smile.

I continued to look decidedly grumpy as I remembered Luke's evasiveness the other day in the woods. The only thing he'd done that hadn't irritated me, was save my life, and I couldn't hold onto the rest of my irritation for long after remembering that.

"Okay," Izzy's voice broke me from my thoughts. "You can go wash it out now."

I slid carefully off the stool, making sure the towel around my shoulders wasn't about to slip off, and made my way to the bathroom, before coming to a halt in the doorway. I stood blinking incredulously at the green towel covering the mirror.

"No peeking," Izzy called.

"You're kidding."

"Not at all," She retorted.

I rolled my eyes and turned on the faucet over the tub, testing the water before shoving my head beneath it, rinsing my hair until the water ran clear.

A few moments later I was once again sitting before Izzy as she separated sections of my hair to dry. I winced when she tugged hard, jerking my head slightly. "You're trying to make me regret this aren't you?" I muttered.

"No, you're just being a baby," She retorted. I huffed loudly and crossed my arms. "I don't know how much of a difference this is going to make, Adora."

"As long as there is a slight difference between me and Bella then I'll be happy." I chewed on my bottom lip. "You didn't see his face Izzy," I whispered. "When Charlie opened his door, I thought he was going to go into hysterics."

"Well, how did you think he would react?"

"I don't know." I shook my head.

She bopped me on the head with a brush. "Quit moving."

"Sorry."

"Did he tell you anything?" She murmured.

"Not really," I mumbled, frustrated. "He told me to go see Dr. Cullen." I shrugged.

I felt Izzy's movements stop suddenly. "Dr. Cullen?"

"Edward Cullen's father," I explained.

"I know who he is," She snapped softly. "He's here, in Forks?" There was something in her voice that worried me so I turned to meet her eyes. She tried to hide it, but not quickly enough.

"What is it, Izzy?"

"Nothing." She looked down and pretended to be suddenly interested in her fingers.

I rolled my eyes. "I saw it on your face," I told her. "So, tell me."

"Why did he tell you to go see Dr. Cullen?" She mashed her eyebrows together as she waited for my response.

"I told him what you told me, about the boy you ran into at the high school." Her eyes widened slightly. "He said it changed things, and that he wasn't the one I should be talking to."

"He thinks' that boy _is _Edward Cullen." She said it firmly, very much a statement and not a question.

"Yeah, that's what I assumed too." I nodded.

"If that boy _is _Edward Cullen, then why didn't he tell you to talk to him? Why did he tell you to see his dad instead?" She finally looked at me, blinking in confusion.

I quickly turned away, sitting straight and stiff as I stared blankly in front of me. I felt suddenly protective of him, afraid what she would think when I repeated Charlie's warning.

"He told me to stay away from him," I whispered. "He said that he was dangerous, and that he could hurt me." I looked down at my hands, my voice very small. "He told me that he wouldn't care that I'm not Bella Swan."

"Well, that's stupid." Her scathing tone caught me off guard. "Edward Cullen loved Bella, why would he want to hurt her?"

Her question made me go over Charlie's words in my head. "I don't think that's what Charlie meant," I murmured. "He said that he _could _hurt me. He never said that he _would._" I sighed. "He just wanted me to be careful, I think."

"So, you're really going to go see Dr. Cullen?" She sounded concerned as she continued to tug and jerk strands of hair in different directions.

"I don't see why not, what do I have to lose?" I shrugged. "I was scared before, afraid that whatever I found out would make everything worse, but I'm not sure my situation can get any worse than it already is," I laughed.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Izzy whispered hesitantly and I almost blurted out 'yes' but thought better of it.

"I do…" I began, "But I think this is something I need to do on my own Iz."

"I get that." She nodded in understanding. "But if you need me…"

"I'll definitely call you." I smiled. "Just, do me a favor." I looked up at her and she was watching me expectantly. "I know that by now, half of the town knows that I'm the new girl who looks like a dead girl, and I know only a few people—like your family, Kevin, Dan and Connor, and now Charlie, know it's more than just the way I look." She waited patiently. "But my mom, she wouldn't understand any of this. I've been doing my best to keep her from asking too many questions, but I think she's starting to notice the way people look at me. That's another reason I wanted to do this." I pointed to my hair. "She's been through a lot, with the divorce, and then I guess I didn't make things any easier on her. When the dreams started, I didn't understand them, I wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine most days, if you catch my drift." I frowned but Izzy just stared silently. "Just, please try to keep her from finding out anything while I'm gone. I don't like asking you to lie—"

"It's okay, I get it. You're just trying to protect her." She smiled gently. "Don't worry, I won't tell my mom anything that she might mention to yours."

I sighed in relief. "Thanks Iz, I'd like to keep the people involved in this craziness to a minimum." I cracked a small smile.

"I can do that." She grinned. "In return, you have to fill me in when you get back." She demanded with a wry smile.

"No matter what I find out, I'll call and let you know," I promised.

"And no matter what you find out, even if you're a freaky ghost or something, I'll still be your friend." She hugged me from behind and I squeezed her arm to my chest gently as we both burst into laughter.

My eyes squinted down at the address Charlie had scribbled across the tiny piece of paper. I'd taken the 101 over the bridge at the Calawah River, past the industrial roads.

_Arrive at 827 WA-101. _

That's all the description the map directions had afforded me. I blew out a harsh breath. Stupid technology, as advanced as it had become, it had a long, _long_ way to go. I knew where the address was _supposed_ to be, so I'd slowed my car to almost a crawl before I'd passed Whitcomb Dimmel Rd.

_827. 827. 827_. I repeated in my head, keeping my eyes peeled for any sign revealing that I'd reached my destination. If I saw Rainy Ranch Rd. that meant that I'd gone too far. I snorted. Some of these names seemed ridiculous.

A small indention in the tree line on the right side of the road caught my attention. I slowly braked as I neared it, my eyes scanning the unpaved entry way for a sign. There was none. Of course, nothing about this could be easy. I considered continuing down further to see if I just hadn't gone far enough, but no, this was the right address. I knew it. There was a sudden sense of anticipation that flooded my veins, as the silent pull began gently tugging on my subconscious. I rolled my eyes. The whole, subconsciously, knowing everything bit was starting to get on my nerves. Still, it hadn't been wrong so far. My hands tightened on the wheel as I took a deep breath and turned and there was a small bump as my car left the pavement, continuing over until tiny tremors jostled my body from my car's rickety decline from civilization. I caught the scent of pine through my open window, as the sun barely peeked through the sinewy arms of thickly branched timbers, shadowing my vision. The wide dirt trail seemed to go on forever, so much that I'd thought about turning around a few times before I'd gotten myself irreparably lost, but something was pulling me again, and then, after a few long moments, there it was.

The thickness of the trees began to dissipate, and tucked securely in shadows of several seemingly ancient cedar trees, was a small lawn, and just past it, a house. I felt my heart begin its recent usual pattern of pounding, as images flashed like silent projections behind my eyes, identical to the scene unfolding before me. Fragments of the faded white exterior remained in my mind as my eyes examined the structural design. Three stories layered the foundation, with a stylishly accommodating deck, enveloping the perimeter of the ground level. The dirt path took me all the way up to wide set of wooden steps that were centered upon the proportions of the house, inviting an open view of the dark, sturdy set of double doors. I twisted the key, turning off the engine with a flick of my wrist, and clamped my jaw shut violently, realizing that I'd been gaping mindlessly out my window.

My heart pounded in my chest as I stared silently down at my fingers in my lap, toying nervously with the keys. I wasn't sure I could do this. It was so rude. To blatantly just barge into someone's house and demand answers that they may not even have. I mulled over the thought of turning back around in my head, and shook it off immediately afterwards. I had to do this. I needed the answers. All of my research, every scrap of ascertainable knowledge, had led me here, to this very moment. This was either a dead end or a final destination. Either way, I had to find out. I tightened the strings of my too large hoodie until the sides curled against my face. I didn't want to startle anyone watching me approach the house, whoever might see me and recognize me as the dead girl I resembled, and if all my information was correct, then more than anyone else, the people who lived here definitely would. I didn't want that to happen before I'd even had the chance to knock, afraid that they would refuse to answer.

I gripped the railing as I made my way up the porch stairs, four slow steps after that and I was at the door. I searched slowly with my eyes, keeping my face down, I didn't see a doorbell but something told me that whoever lived here didn't need it. Finally I sighed. I was stalling. I grimaced at my cowardice, it was now or never. I knocked hard and listened carefully, leaning close. There was no sound. I waited for a few heartbeats and frowned, half disappointed and half relieved. Maybe no one was home. I was about to reach to knock again, just to reaffirm my conclusion, when the sound of the lock sliding out of place was heard and then one of the doors quickly swung inward making me jump back a step in surprise. I raised my eyes slowly to the person filling the doorway and froze.

I'd expected to find the form of Edward Cullen, as had been described to me, staring back ominously and handsome, but instead I was presented with, whom I could only assume, was his father, despite the fact that he seemed too young to afford the title. His skin wasn't withered and wrinkled, and his hair hadn't begun turning gray. He was impeccably beautiful. Perfect. He looked exactly the same as he did in the picture I'd found of him.

His eyes caught me first, they were so similar to the amber gaze from my dreams, but not as dark, he was tall with short blond hair, his face sculpted into the beautiful angles of a warm welcome smile, amazingly handsome. He seemed so achingly familiar, it caught me off guard for a moment, but not long enough for me to miss that his smile wasn't that way for long. The look of horror and shock was suddenly a thousand times worse than what I had seen on Mrs. Cheney or Mr. Newton's face combined. We both stared for a long moment until the discomfort finally wore away the edges of my alarm.

"Are you Mr. Cullen?" I meant it to sound calm but it came out as more of a squeak of surprise. I was avoiding his medical title so that he wouldn't assume I was there seeking remedial help.

He didn't speak, he only stared in jaw dropping horror, he was like petrified wood, I couldn't even see the rise and fall of his chest, I wasn't sure he was even breathing. I recovered slowly from noticing that small detail and took a deep breath myself as if to remind him to do the same. The cat was obviously out of the bag now.

I sighed, pushing back the hood of my sweatshirt, letting my new blond tresses come tumbling over my shoulders. He seemed even more taken aback, but stayed silent as he raked his horrified gaze over me.

"Do I have the wrong house?" I asked perplexed. "Is this 827?" My eyes slipped downward as I fumbled around for the slip of paper in the pocket of my hoodie, pulling it out to read the numbers I'd written down. "There wasn't a marker down the way, but maybe there was another turn off that I missed." I met his eyes again expecting that if I had the wrong house, he would at least look over the instructions on the slip of paper and point me in the right direction. His face was blank now, no emotion as instead his eyes flickered to the sky and then to the line of sunlight across the porch, before stepping back slightly. I looked up to the sky then to the line myself before meeting his gaze again. He had wiped his expression in an instant it seemed. I couldn't tell if he was still shocked or even angry with my presence as I considered the stiffness of his expression.

"There is no other house on this road." His voice was almost void of any emotion it was merely a statement. There was nothing but a tinge of something that I couldn't place. He wasn't angry, he wasn't anything.

"So you _are_ Mr. Cullen?" I asked my heart pounding. He considered me carefully before he finally nodded and I sighed in relief.

"Would you like to come in?" His face was suddenly polite, his voice pleasant but I knew, I don't know how, that it was a mask to hide whatever emotions he was keeping at bay.

"I uh, well, I didn't really, I don't mean to intrude, I just…" I was stuttering like an idiot. He didn't smile, he didn't really do anything, he remained frozen.

"Please come in." He stepped back slowly and motioned with his arm inward for me. I swallowed hard and then nodded stepping forward as he backed away carefully. When I was five feet inside the entryway, the sound of the door shutting startled me, causing me to turn quickly to face him out of habit, making me trip over the raised portion of the floor in front of me.

I felt something hard and cold wrap around my elbow, halting my descent to the floor before I was pulled upright carefully.

"Are you all right?" Carlisle asked softly as he turned me to face him, his eyes scanning my face. I could feel the coolness of his hands through my sweatshirt.

"Y-yes." I stammered as my heart hammered wildly in my chest.

"It's all right." He reassured me obviously noting my skittish behavior. "Please, come and sit down." He motioned towards the wide open space where a couch and several chairs sat before offering me his hand. I took it and shivered, the chill of his skin was like touching a marble statue in the dead of winter, but I didn't pull away. Instead, he did, after he was sure I had successfully taken the step without falling flat on my face.

I noticed several things at once. This was a very modern house for Forks, Washington, and didn't feel like your typical homey house arrangement. Also, he still hadn't asked who I was or why I was at his house. When I'd finally slid shakily onto the edge of one of the chairs, he slowly seated himself a few feet away and laid his hands into his lap, watching me curiously. I took a breath.

"You're home is beautiful." I murmured letting my eyes dart away from his face and then back.

"Thank you." He still didn't smile but watched me carefully. It made me uncomfortable. He obviously noticed the resemblance I had to the girl everyone spoke of, and I realized it was rude of me to not acknowledge this.

"I know this must be very strange." I began. "Obviously seeing me…" I trailed off. "I've been getting that reaction a lot lately." I fidgeted with my fingers and looked down. "I figured that whoever answered the door was going to be a little taken aback." He finally let his face show something, a slight twitch of his eyes, and even his lips at the corners. "I spoke to Charlie Swan earlier today." His face didn't change. "He told me to come see you specifically." I watched him but he was still looking at me with that blank emotionless stare. "I've heard all about the girl that I evidently look like." His face finally changed finally, his brows rose slightly and he leaned back slowly.

"Bella." I had barely seen his lips move. I nodded.

"Every time I run into someone who knew her, they look at me like I'm a ghost or something." I looked away again down at my fingers. "I had no idea what was going on at first, and then someone finally explained to me why I seemed to spook so many people. There are so many things about me that make our resemblance all the more eerie." I looked back at him, and he had let his face slip enough that his shock was starting to bleed through his expression.

"It's not merely a resemblance." He said it very softly and I wasn't sure if that was to keep from frightening me or because of whatever was going through his mind.

"Yeah, I keep hearing people swear that we're pretty much identical." I frowned.

"The eyes…" He let it trail off. "Bella's eyes were brown." He murmured softly. "And of course, Bella never dyed her hair." There was finally a quirk of a smile at the corner of his mouth.

"That explains a lot." I mused soundly. "My eyes have been changing slowly. I'll wake up and they'll be almost hazel, and by the time I go to bed they'll be blue again." I furrowed my brows. "They never used to do that before." I whispered.

"That bothers you?"

"Kind of." I shrugged. "My eyes were always kind of weird." I murmured. "Mom said that they were brown when I was born but as long as I can remember they've been a lot of different shade, and brown was never one of them." I grinned. That statement made his eyes tighten. "But that doesn't bother me as much as…other things."

"Such as?"

"Such as, when I found out that the house my mom bought was Bella's old house. That it's _her_ old room that I'm sleeping in." That did it; the shock was back flickering across his face briefly. I didn't speak for a long moment, letting this new information sink in for him. "We both have the same last name." I grimaced realizing I still hadn't introduced myself. "Our first names are pretty similar too. The coincidences are starting to kind of bother me, every time I find a new one." I took a breath. "Her name was Isabella Marie Swan, my name is Isadora Kate Swan." I let my head bob slowly on each side as I said each name. "I let most people call me Kate using my middle name, but so far everyone here has kind of taken to calling me Adora. Thanks to my mom." I let the slight irritation show in my voice. He was still watching me, but now he looked almost curious. "We're not related or anything." That made his face change again, his brows furrowing slightly. "My mom and I moved here from Spoons, Illinois about two and a half weeks ago, and before that we lived in Chicago." Something that I didn't understand passed across his face suddenly. "I'm surprised you haven't met her, I heard you work at the Forks Community Hospital too." This time he looked very surprised.

"You're Andrea Swan's daughter?" He said it with a hint of disbelief. I nodded. "I haven't had the pleasure of meeting your mother myself, but I've been informed that she'd filled the open Administrative position." He took a breath, the only breath I'd noticed him take. "I didn't know about you." I made a face and he must have caught it, seeing as how the words themselves sounded slightly irritated. "I apologize," He corrected himself. "I was referring to your resemblance to Bella." I relaxed a little. "I suppose no one thought of it as something to bring up to me, seeing as how you only just moved here, just as my family recently has. The gossip hasn't made its way around to me yet." There was a smile finally and it made it suddenly easier to breathe.

"Doesn't that bother you?" I blurted out suddenly.

"What?" He was back to his emotionless mask.

"That everyone in that ridiculous town turns into a bunch of superstitious nut jobs whenever someone mentions or meets you and I, or the rest of your family for that matter?" He didn't say anything; he only blinked patiently at me. "I mean, I understand the history." I explained. "I understand how impossible it must seem to people, to comprehend the fact that strange coincidences do happen, but people have done nothing but treat me like a ghost ever since I got here." I railed. "I hardly meet anyone anymore without them looking just like you did at the door when they first see me." I realized I was on a rampage with my words and that I'd raised my voice. "I'm sorry." I murmured my face instantly flooding with warmth, as I dropped my eyes to my lap.

"Don't be." He murmured and I slowly looked up noticing the sudden tightness in his eyes, despite his pleasant words. "I completely understand, although I'm sure I haven't had quite the same effect on everyone the way you seem to have." He said it calmly. "I take it you know exactly why you're…connections to Bella, effect people the way they do?" He mused softly. I nodded.

"It is a tad ironic." I made a bitter smile form this time he did too.

"Just a tad?" He raised one brow. I let a frustrated laugh sigh from between my lips before I felt the panic show in my eyes.

"It _scares_ me." I admitted and he frowned, letting the frown fill his entire face. "How much I seem to _be _Bella in every way that is possible." He was still frowning. "One of her friends, Angela Cheney, talked to me about it a little." I bit the inside of my cheek. "About what she can remember about her at least. How I move, and speak, and think like her. She said I even sound like her." I watched him lean forward slowly to put his hands on his knees, as if he were trying to examine my face closer.

"You do." He murmured. "You are just like her in almost every possible way." He said it carefully hoping I'd miss something in the statement. I didn't.

"What about me made you realize that I'm not her?" I asked perceptibly pointing out my silent observation.

"Your eyes." He stated the obvious but I wasn't convinced that it was what he was referring to.

"_And?_" I pressed, making him raise a brow silently, considering me for a moment.

"And…the fact that you didn't recognize _me_." I froze. All the stories I'd heard, the little hints to impossible details, resurfaced as this information spread through me, realizing at once that he was admitting to being the very same man from decades ago. Sitting before me, unchanged, still preserved in the age he had been then. He gave me a moment to process it all. Watching my face carefully, searching my reaction with an almost critical gaze as my expression changed, first from realization, to horror, to disbelief, and then very slowly as my heart calmed, I let the truth settle, accepting the fact, knowing that arguing with what was rational and what I knew to be true was pointless. I watched him warily as he seemed to debate how I'd taken his words, until he noted my finally calm composure. He smiled in conclusion, almost pleased as he settled back, all the way this time to relax into the cushions of the chair. "That's the way Bella would have reacted to that statement too." He murmured. I shook my head slowly, my brows furrowing, my perplexity showing.

"But I _did_ recognize you." I declared softly, making his smile faltered suddenly. "I feel like I know you from somewhere, you're face is so familiar, but I know I've never met you in my entire life." I was still shaking my head still in bewilderment. "And everything here is like that." I explained noticing that he didn't seem to be breathing again. "At first it was just odd little things that caught me off guard when they happened, the way something smelled that was so familiar. Or things that I was suddenly doing unconsciously, that I never did before, and then when we moved here…" I let the words trail off.

"Yes?" He sat up in a way that was faster than anytime he had moved in front of me before, encouraging me to continue.

"I don't know." I shook my head wildly. "It's like I've been here_ before. _Like I'm supposed to remember something, something that is just out of my reach, but like its right there in front of me, and I'm supposed to know what it is." I frowned suddenly. "I've experienced the strangest moments of déjà vu since I got here." He was petrified wood again. "Even when I was on my way here, it's like I didn't need the directions. Like I just _knew_ where to go." He was staring at me very intently suddenly.

"Like just now, when you saw me?" He asked it very carefully.

"Yes." He wasn't holding his breath anymore. I didn't miss the fact that he had been doing so for a period of time that was unusual for a normal person.

"Would you mind if I asked you to let me see if something else inspires those same feelings of déjà vu?" I stared at him blankly for a moment before I let my head nod slightly in agreement. "Thank you." He murmured appreciatively before tilting his head slightly away, towards the way we had come minutes before. "Would you mind joining us dear?" He said softly. I blinked and suddenly there was a woman standing carefully beside the chair where he sat, where there had been nothing before. I hadn't seen her enter, and when my eyes washed over her face, I sucked in a sudden breath between my teeth. Her long brown hair framed a small, heart-shaped face, her eyes matching his perfectly. My heart was thudding in my chest suddenly, as waves of some hazy memory flew before my eyes. I wasn't afraid; there was something about her that told me she was kind, which reassured me, letting my startled emotions fade gently. They were both watching me, almost compassionately, and I realized that she hadn't shared his earlier reaction to seeing me, but stared calmly down, with a soft smile. "This is Esme." He introduced placing a hand of the small of her back.

"You're wife." My voice was raw, strained when I finally spoke. It wasn't a question, it was something that I knew, although I wasn't sure how.

"Yes." He nodded slowly. I blinked.

"Why did I know that?" I murmured fearfully letting my eyes slide pleadingly to meet his.

"Common sense or perhaps it is more. I honestly don't know which." He was frowning, but her gaze was something close to reverence as her eyes slowly scanned my face, then they stopped, and she looked perplexed.

"Her eyes." She whispered and her voice was beautiful.

"I know." He murmured look up at her before slowly turning back to me with a sigh. "Unfortunately, I can't tell you why these things are happening to you." He murmured. "I have a few ideas." He admitted softly. "But where as they may make sense to me, they may not make sense to you, unless you know a few things first." I furrowed my brows.

"What things?" I asked and my voice was almost fraught with the weight of the questions that were now forming in my head. He frowned apologetically.

"I'm sorry." He shook his head. "But there are a few things I must do before I can help any of us better understand all of this." I sucked in a deep calming breath and then exhaled anxiously. He began to rise but her hand was suddenly on his shoulder squeezing it gently, her eyes falling softly upon him.

"I don't think you need to leave the room to call them." She smiled calmly. "There's no reason to cause her anymore unnecessary stress." He smiled up at her warmly and nodded, slipping a phone from his pocket, pushing a button, before putting it to his ear. After a short moment he spoke.

"Alice." That made me flinch and their eyes were on me in an instant. I could almost imagine the high tinkling voice that would be on the other end, I could see a pixie like woman dancing, bending and twisting in graceful movements. "Yes, she's sitting right here in front of me." That made my brows furrow in confusion. He was silent for a moment. "It's rather more complicated than that I'm afraid." He didn't let his face give anything away. "I think it would be best if you and Jasper came home immediately." I jerked my head this time as he paused for a second. "_Alone_." My eyes went to Esme's instead, but she only smiled down at me reassuringly. "Tell them nothing." He took a breath finally. "Neither of them can hear or see anything until we sort some of this out." He pressed resolutely. "Make sure they stay away for a while." After a long moment he shut the phone softly and placed it back in his pocket.

"Those names…" I let the words trail off.

"Did you recognize them?" He asked watching me carefully again.

"Not the way I do when someone says the name of someone I don't know, when it's the same name that makes me think of someone I _do_ know. It's like I know who those names belong to but…" I let the words linger again.

"You can't really place them?" He asked curiously. I nodded and they exchanged a glance quickly. "I know this has all confused you even more." He stated apologetically. "I hope I am able to give you the answers you are so desperately searching for, but all of this has set in motion a very unsettling turn of events for my family and me as well." He frowned. "I'm afraid your questions, are now also ours." Frustration flooded me. I felt the absurdity of it all hit me in a strange way, filling me with a tinge of resentment.

"I think there are a few things you _can_ answer for me." I once again set my mind racing, sorting through the significant details of our meeting so far in my head.

"You noticed then?" He asked curiously and I was confused again. "Bella had a way of picking up on things that most people wouldn't notice. I can see you are just as perceptive. I wasn't sure you would be, but I needed to test the waters to make sure." He acknowledged. "I'll let you rationalize your findings on your own." He said softly but I narrowed my eyes unduly upon hearing those words. "And I promise that I will help you understand whatever conclusion you reach." He straightened suddenly. "Feel free to ask all the questions you deem necessary out loud, if you don't mind." I eyed him carefully, but the gnawing curiosity was overpowering. "I should explain one thing clearly, first." He acknowledged. "The things that we discuss here shouldn't be repeated. Whatever you learn about my family, it is imperative that no one else finds out." I immediately thought of Izzy. "I want to help you—believe me, I do, but I have to protect my family."

"I understand." I said with a nod.

"I'll tell you everything I can," He murmured.

They were both watching me intently. "Why do I get the feeling that you knew I would be here beforehand, but that you didn't know it was going to be me in particular?" I settled my eyes upon his face searching for a change that I knew I wouldn't see.

"Because I did know, Alice told me." He said calmly, watching me carefully. Who Alice was and how she knew were the obvious questions, but I wasn't going to ask them.

"You looked surprised to see me at the door…" I trailed off when wry laughter escaped him suddenly. His face sobered when he saw me watching him.

"Surprised, isn't the word I'd use," He admitted before continuing. "Alice has a certain talent for knowing things—"

"She can see the future," I translated automatically. It was so easy, like filling in the blanks of a mad-libs page. It felt natural to suddenly know so many things that I shouldn't have known. Rather, it was the things I knew that disturbed me. The tiny facts about both Carlisle and Esme, that Alice, whoever she was, could see the future, and suddenly the knowledge that I'd been here before. I knew the layout of the house, the intricate details of the furnishings, I knew that a river was nearby without any hints to its existence.

"Yes." Carlisle and Esme traded a look. "Alice told us that someone would be arriving, she didn't know who however, which is odd. She called us just before you arrived," He murmured. "When I spoke to her just now she knew it was you, however just like us, she doesn't know how it's possible."

"I hope you understand that I don't know either." I met his eyes and he nodded then there was a short pause. I waited before continuing. "What were you going to say on the phone a minute ago, that would have made you need to leave the room?"

"I have certain theories about your situation, your looks, your mannerisms, even the moments of Déjà vu, but until I have more information, I feel uncomfortable in voicing those suspicions prematurely. When I have that information, I promise I will discuss it with you." He stared at me, watching carefully for something.

"That seems fair." I nodded.

Why does this _house_ not feel like it's really a house in the usual definition? Why is it so modern for being right outside a Podunk little town like Forks?" Esme frowned, and it bothered me for some strange reason that I may have just hurt her feelings. "I don't mean to be rude," I apologized. "But why does everything here look so expensive for a doctor who can't possibly make more than one hundred thousand a year?" Carlisle raised a brow slightly. "Why do you live so far out and away from everything and why aren't there any noticeable markers at the beginning of the driveway?" My hands were clenched into fists in my lap now from the stress.

"This home suites our tastes and lifestyle." He murmured calmly, lacing his fingers together in his lap, reminding me that it was the first time he had moved in a while. "My family and I have been through a great deal, and we value our privacy. This home has always served to keep anyone who wouldn't understand us from getting too close." He cocked his head to the side. "Obviously the people in Fork's would be suspicious of us due to our past, as you pointed out earlier." I forgot to breathe that time, as my mind raced.

That was the second time he had implied that he was indeed the same man pictured in the newspaper clipping I had found. I was actually impressed with myself; a normal person would have been in hysterics by now. Then again, I'd never been exactly normal and obviously, they weren't normal either. I began to put the pieces together in my head. The way they didn't breathe for long periods of time how they hardly ever blinked. I remembered how the space next to Carlisle had been empty, and then in an instant Esme had been standing beside him. How he had closed the front door when I arrived without making a sound.

"Why didn't you ask who I was and why I was here when I first asked about who _you_ were?" His mask broke slightly and he seemed finally caught off guard.

"Because I thought you were my daughter-in-law." He whispered sadly making my chest tighten. "I thought you were Bella." He murmured. I nodded in understanding.

"If I were Bella, it would have been more than sixteen years ago that I would have last seen you all," I murmured carefully and I watched their faces suddenly change, filling with worry. "So why haven't you all aged a day since then?" I felt the thud of my heart begin to pound in my chest.

He leaned back slowly as his gaze swept my face, trying to gauge my possible reaction to whatever he may say. My eyes darted between his and Esme's suddenly, while my conversation with Izzy regarding Edward Cullen's eyes played in my head. Their similarities were not coincidences. Their abnormal beauty, their quick reflexes as I remembered the article about the car wreck at Forks High School, the way they moved and reacted. "Do you usually notice everything so effortlessly?" He murmured softly, noticing where my eyes had strayed.

"No." I frowned. "For some reason I seem to already know what to look for." I admitted. He nodded.

"And what have you decided is the reason for all of these small abnormal details?" He asked and finally his face was falling back into those emotionless lines. I licked my lips as I debated how to answer that.

"That you both are not…what most people would consider to be normal." My brows raised in emphasis. "You both move so fast, and earlier when I tripped and you offered me your hand it was so cold," I shivered at the memory. "I noticed how you avoided the sunlight on the porch." I sounded almost breathless. "I've seen a photo of you, from seventeen years ago, and you haven't aged at all since then." He straightened carefully once more, locking his eyes on me.

"And what," He began. "Do you think we are?" My head swam and I suddenly felt as if I were high above the ground, balancing precariously on a thin wire of truth and doubt, unsure of what my fate held in store for me, in the instance that I lost my balance.

My eyes fell to my lap where my fingers were kneading my jeans, worrying my bottom lip between my teeth, and then, the word just fell out.

"Vampires."

It came out so casually, so strangely unsurprising, that it took me a moment to remember what I'd said, just after I said it. My eyes darted up to meet his face, but there was something new in my vision now, something that hadn't been there before. A young man with shaggy blond hair, a dumbfounded expression marring his beautiful face, and a young woman, with short spiky dark hair, sporting the hugest grin I had ever seen. They were both standing side by side behind the chair where Carlisle sat.

Her face was beaming, love shining in her eyes, and suddenly I knew her. How could I not? She was my best friend, and my sister all wrapped in one and I loved her too.

My mouth was moving before I could think. "Alice?"

If it were even possible, her grin got even bigger. I was frozen, disturbed by the sudden wave of emotion that flooded through me as I met her eyes.

"Bella!" She beamed, elated. "I knew you would remember me!"

"She doesn't really _remember, _any of us Alice." Carlisle interjected suddenly keeping his eyes trained on my expression. My mouth was gaping open as my eyes darted back and forth between the four of them.

"I know." She chirped. "But she will." She concluded confidently. My mind whirled, trying to make sense of my newly found sense of recognition.

They were all still waiting for my train of thought to slow, but it didn't show any signs of stopping. _What is happening to me? Why are these people so important to me? They aren't important to me, they were important to Bella, _I reminded myself._ Weren't they? What can't I remember? Why do I feel like I should? This is Bella's family, Bella's home, Bella's life. _And it was all converging with mine, overtaking everything I thought I knew.

"How is this possible?" Jasper whispered, his voice softened in amazement. That touched a nerve inside of me. Why was I so aware of who he was?

"I don't know." Carlisle answered quietly. "But who are we to question a miracle?" He mused. "You seem perplexed again." He offered me a chance to speak finally.

"Everything is suddenly just coming to me." I murmured almost dizzily. "As if, I'm not even having to think about the questions, like I just know the answers." I murmured feeling as if my mind was detaching itself from my body.

My mind was suddenly drawn back, to one of the moments when this had occurred, with stunning clarity. Had I really said that I thought they were vampires out loud? I focused suddenly on their faces again. Taking in each minuscule detail into consideration as my eyes grazed slowly over each of them, before finally comparing the traits all together. They each had nearly the same startling shade of amber in their gaze, their skin pale, almost translucent and flawless, beautiful, each in their own way. They all held a certain, strange, urethral quality about them, so painfully exquisite, you'd think that they'd been physically photo shopped or airbrushed into existence. At this very moment, they were all standing perfectly still, as if posing for a family portrait, only it seemed unnatural. But vampires? Running back over the questions that I'd practically shouted at Esme and Carlisle, it definitely seemed plausible. But was it true? And if it were true, why didn't I feel like I was in immense danger, if I was sitting there, completely defenseless, facing four vampires? My world seemed to be falling, slowly away from me.

"I don't understand any of this." I moaned placing my head in my hands. I realized that my words filled the silence that had existed while I'd been busy searching for answers in my own head. They were all watching me, with matching expressions of sympathy.

"I'm so sorry." Carlisle spoke softly. "Truly." In an instant he was suddenly standing, I hadn't even seen him move. It didn't seem to surprise me. The apology in his eyes, pity, overwhelmed me. Instead of calming my erratic thoughts however, it sent them into a frenzy of uncontrollable contemplations. My heart was suddenly pounding in my chest, heavy, almost painful as unexpected emotions suddenly surfaced, breaking through my complacent demeanor. Everything seemed to be pulling me in a million different directions, corrupting my reason, invading my calm. My skull felt like it was splitting in two as I tried to juggle the knowledge that seemed all too elusive. If he felt so damn sorry then why wasn't he being more helpful? I was the one on the brink of an unending meltdown and he was the one who was _sorry_? I was enraged by his pity.

"Uh oh." The small high pitched squeak came from Alice.

"Then why don't you give me some _answers_?" I exploded, and suddenly I was up, striding purposefully towards him, until I was blazing up at him, all the terror and incomparable confusion ripping through me. "Why aren't you explaining to me what I seem to be missing in all of this?" I cried out, my face was burning. "Tell me!" I shouted but he didn't flinch, or blink. "Tell me what is happening to _me_!" I yelled up into his face, pointing a finger into my chest.

Something numb was suddenly trying to wrap around my rage, and pull me away from it, but I gritted my teeth and fisted my hands at my sides. No! I wasn't going to let my anger just evaporate, I wanted answers, and this newly formed coil of fury made that outcome seem possible. I don't know why I knew what was causing my emotions to be suddenly conflicted inside themselves, but I did. Leaning my way around Carlisle I glared dangerously at Jasper. "Stop!" I screamed pointing a finger angrily in his direction. "Stop trying to calm me down!" I let the flames in my chest; lick their way up my throat, mustering all my strength to focus on my blinding warpath. "I deserve to be angry!" I shrieked into Jasper's wide eyes, where they were filled with almost horrified shock.

"Yes." Carlisle's calm voice brought me back slowly as his words registered. "You do deserve to be angry." The rage receded, a fraction of an inch. I stared up into his impossibly polite face, and the flames burst within me again, breaking free of Jasper's attempts to subdue them.

"I don't even know why I'm angry!" I shouted, but not with as much force as before. I was shaking now, my entire body trembling, heat flushing across my cheeks and down my throat. "All I know is that I'm scared!" I continued to rail up at him. "I'm scared!" I repeated, my voice braking slightly, as I felt the burn begin in my eyes. "I don't know what is happening to me." I cried out, my voice scratching my throat in the most uncomfortable way, like I was going to choke on the words. "I don't know anything anymore!" I coughed, as my vision blurred at the onslaught of unshed tears. "I don't know what to do!" My head swam. "Or who to be!" I had to suddenly reach out, jerking forward to put a hand against his stone chest, trying to steady myself; I didn't even have time to be shocked by the cold against my palm. The movement was the breaking point in the dam that held my tears at bay. They were streaming, in hot rivulets down my already burning cheeks.

"Please!" My voice was cracking finally; as his hands reached out to grip my upper arms in an iron clad, almost bruising hold, and my eyes darting pleadingly between his. "Please…" It sounded hoarse, suddenly weakened, as my body collapsed forward and he caught me, holding me protectively to his hard chest. I burrowed my face in the fabric of his shirt, as a hand came to rest gently against the back of my head, holding me there in his statuesque embrace. "Help me." It came out as a muffled sob, and then my weeping overtook my entire being. I was shivering, trying to grit my teeth as each immeasurable wave of anguish pounded against me. His arms were cold and stiff as he washed a cool palm up and down my rigid spine. I continued to sob against him, until the strength in my knees, weak from the effort it took to stay leaning in that position, gave way. Before I even dropped an inch, my feet were no longer touching the cushion of the carpet, as I was suddenly bound up in his arms, my face tucked securely within the curve of his neck. I didn't bother to question his actions as another sob rolled through me, his arms tightened reflexively. My breaths were coming in shallow pants against his skin, down the collar of his shirt, but it didn't seem to affect him one bit.

"It's all right." He cajoled in my ear, his breathe sending a chill down my body, as my skin raised in a million tiny bumps. "We'll figure this out." He murmured. The only sound in the impossible silence, were my weakened sobs, dying as his words reached me. "I promise." He whispered, and it finally calmed me as I nodded, until there was only the shallow throb of my heart. After a long moment I felt him turn his head away before it tilted back towards my ear. "Do you think you can stand?" He murmured softly. I slowly opened my eyes, peering over his shoulder, meeting a blank wall, where Alice and Jasper had been standing before, and nodded. He let me slide slowly, until my toes touched the floor and I was able to step away, putting some space between us. My cheeks were aflame again, the embarrassment of my outbursts washing over me, letting my eyes fall to the ground. "Don't apologize." The statement made my head jerk up to look at him, my eyes wide, but his small smile seemed to warm my mood suddenly. "There is no need."

"I'm not saying it excuses my behavior," I whispered. "Nothing really excuses bursting into hysterics." I murmured. "But all of this isn't easy to process."

"I told you, there is no need for you to apologize."

"You know I had to anyways." Our conversation suddenly felt familiar, and normal.

He grinned wryly and I smiled in response. "Yes, and you know I still had to try to stop you."

I nodded before I blinked suddenly, remembering that we were alone.

"Where did they go?" I whispered, afraid that I'd upset them.

"Emmet and Rosalie are here. The others went outside to explain the situation." I saw a flash of faces in my mind. "It's getting easier to remember?" He asked noticing the change in my expression.

"Yes." I nodded once. "But my older memories are so chaotic." I mumbled reaching up to rub my temple. "They are so conflicted with the ones from this life." He was frowning, but his eyes were wider suddenly, as if a revelation struck him.

"Is it possible?" He sucked in a sharp breath.

"What?" I realized what he meant a moment after I asked the question. "That's the only explanation I can figure." I murmured. "How else do you explain why everything that was part of her life is so familiar to me?" I mused out loud and he suddenly looked as if he'd witnessed some unseen horror, making him sink slowly back into the chair. The movement was unlike him, it was so…human. "Why else is everything so much clearer the more I'm here?" I saw a thousand fragments of memories suddenly. "The more I'm around the people she loved," I breathed. "The more I remember." He was staring off into oblivion, his eyes unfocused. "I know who I am, I know who I was." My heart was pounding. "Who I am again." I blinked and looked down upon him. "I _am_ Bella." That seemed to break through as he blinked up at me.

"Yes." He nodded firmly. "Yes, I think you are." He confirmed.

"Am I a reincarnation?" I whispered, barely trusting my own voice.

"I don't know." He shook his head slowly. "I honestly don't know."

"I still remember being Adora, I still have those memories." I explained and he finally looked at me. "I don't want to forget who I am now." I think I sounded frightened. "But I want to be who I was again." I swallowed hard. "I'm so confused." I moaned, stumbling back to my chair, covering my eyes with my hands. "There's still something that's missing." I whimpered. "I don't feel whole at all." I pressed my palms tighter against the sockets of my eyes. "I feel like I'm split in two, like my soul is fragmented into pieces and they're not fitting right." I was trembling. "I don't want to forget my family," I cried. "My friends, and the memories that are _mine_." I whispered. "But there's something, some part of Bella, that I need so desperately." I exhaled harshly as my fingers slid away to reveal the tear marks on my jeans. "A part that I can't live without, that I can't even contemplate existing without." I murmured, my face hidden beneath the curtain of my hair. "And I don't know what it is." I looked up, and I guess it should have startled me to see six pairs of eyes upon me, but it didn't.

Carlisle seemed calm. Esme was smiling sadly. Jasper looked like he was in anguish. Alice was still grinning idiotically. Emmet and Rosalie were the ghosts that Carlisle had been when he'd first opened the door. It made me laugh, and the sound seemed to startle them all, making Emmet and Rosalie jump slightly. I laughed harder. "I'm the one that just realized that I'm a reincarnation of a vampire, and that it's giving me multiple personality disorder." I snorted. "Why do you all look so upset?" I giggled. It started with Emmet first, and then Alice, and soon, the rest of them were either giggling too or grinning. Rosalie was the only one who still didn't look pleased, and it shocked me that for the first time, I was surprised. "I guess our truce didn't survive that long did it?" I muttered glumly, realizing that I was referring to myself as Bella for the first time. Her face changed into a look of insult and then surprise.

"It's not that." She sighed. "I loved Bella very much." She murmured. "I'm just worried about how he's going to handle this." Everyone else suddenly went rigid.

"He?" I murmured my mind flying. I knew the answer to my question, it was on the edge of those hazy memories, but it was blurry and out of focus.

"The missing part of Bella's soul, of _your_ soul." Carlisle whispered sadly and I furrowed my brows.

"Edward."

I felt the air suddenly suck hard in my mouth, filling my chest, as my body jerked. The reaction was a thousand times more violent than when I'd first heard his name, causing my spine to bow, and my fists to clench, as I braced my body and my mind. The memories descended upon me in a multitude of flashing images. Laughter and whispers in the dark, the scent of honey and lilac perfuming my senses. I saw a meadow and I felt the sun warming me, and there was something beautiful, blinding me, like a thousand diamonds sparkling. There was the sun as it died on the horizon and a soft brush of lips, cold arms around me, comforting me. There were screams, and blood, and fear, before it was all washed away in flames. Flames engulfing my body, searing my soul, a flash of color, the color from my dreams, it all was sucked down as my vision cleared, and the flames receded, dying slowly, leaving only an image of dark bronze hair blowing in the wind. Those wild untamed locks brushed against pale skin, and then there was a flash of a crooked grin that made my heart pound violently in my chest. I was dazzled, my whole existence shattering in that instant, and then I was left with only one thing. A topaz gaze; the one that had haunted me, and I knew who it was. It was Edward. My life, my world, my heart and my soul. My love.

A gasp finally took me away from my mind, and my eyes focused slowly on where I was, on my knees on the floor, tears streaming down my face, staring out into nothing. I saw their faces, all filled with horrified shock.

"What?" I gasped worriedly.

"You're eyes…" Jasper was the one who spoke.

"They're…" Carlisle's voice was a ghostly whisper.

"Brown." Alice chirped happily in a way that seemed inappropriate for the moment.

"Bella's eyes." Rosalie said softly. I blinked. I felt idiotic, like I was trying to see my own eyes, and blinked again, to make sure they were still there. I remembered where I was.

"Why am I on the floor?" I asked oddly.

"You fell." Esme murmured. "We were afraid to touch you." I frowned.

"You looked like you were possessed." Emmet chuckled uneasily. That made me smile ruefully.

"Well," I laughed. "I kind of am." They let theirs smiles bloom suddenly, their body's sagging in some sort of relief at the realization that I was okay.

"So are you Bella now?" Rosalie asked warily.

I thought about that. I felt like me. I remembered being me, but I still had the memories of who I was, as Adora, as if they were somehow managing to coexist together. There were still blank spots; fuzzy memories that eclipsed the definitive moments where I stopped _being_ Bella, and then where I suddenly _was_ Bella again, like they blended together, where it seemed the entire process of my existence suddenly ending and beginning again was distorted, narrowing my view into an eternal horizon, where the earth and the sky extended on for forever, existing perfectly together.

I knew I had died. I knew that for period of time, I had ceased to exist, but I couldn't remember how or why. All I remembered was being born, my life as Isadora Kate Swan, and then the last few months where I'd recovered bits of myself. Like I'd been suffering some strange form of Amnesia, from which I had finally woken up. The events leading up to my death were unknown to me, but I would ask those questions later. Right now I wanted to see Edward.

A sudden image burst within my mind, cutting off my train of thought, an image of Jasper glaring angrily at me. I had never seen this before. Was it possible that I had just witnessed what was _going_ to happen? So I was going to piss Jasper off…interesting. "Weird." I muttered shaking my head. The vision left me dazed, as I pushed up to stand shakily, wobbling for a moment before I straightened. I realized that I hadn't answered her question yet, making my focus come back to them.

"I think so." I nodded still shaking off the visualization of Jasper's angry stare. "I'm still Isadora." I furrowed my brows and chewed on my bottom lip. "But it's like I've woken up from a bout of amnesia, and I remember _who_ I was." I sighed. "Who I am." I corrected. My mind raced back to Edward. I missed him. It seemed like forever ago since I had touched him. I felt disconnected, and edgy, like a druggie needing a fix. That made me smile. He was exactly my brand of heroin too it seemed. "Where is Edward?" The words were breathless. They were all silent for a moment.

"He's still on his way back from Denali, hunting." Emmet said quietly. "That's where we all were." He motioned to Alice, Jasper and Rosalie. "We left a little earlier than he did, to give him some space." He explained. "Since school starts on Monday." He smiled carefully and I could tell that there was something that he wasn't telling me. I let it slide though as the realization of his words hit me.

"You're going back to school?" I sputtered wildly, my mind going over a timeline in my head. "But the people in town could still recognize you, Angela Webber is a teacher there now." I tried to reason with them. I couldn't remember the end of my life or the beginning of my new one. "How long have I been dead?" I queried worriedly.

"Almost seventeen years." Carlisle said softly. I blinked, floored for the moment, at the thought of all that time.

"Well I guess that kind of makes sense." I mused rolling my eyes at my previous question. "I would have to have died before I was born." I made a face. "That sounds funny."

"When is your birthday?" He asked carefully.

"The first one or the second one?" I asked furrowing my brows.

"Is there a difference?" I realized that there wasn't, I was born on September 13th in both instances. The comprehension that he had already known my second birthday hit me and my eyes widened suddenly.

"I _died_ on my _birthday_!" I exploded and they were all living marble suddenly. I tried not to think about that question, tried not to think of the memories that would explain the answer to me. "Nevermind!" I held up my hands quickly to keep them from replying. "I'm not ready to remember that just yet." I breathed harshly.

"You mean then, that you don't remember how you died?" Rosalie asked wildly. I shook my head.

"And right now, I don't want to." I demanded. "I need to see Edward first." My mind raced at the thought of those seventeen years that I'd spent as someone else. To me it didn't seem to have been that long since Edward had been in my life, although now, a second felt too long. I couldn't bear the thought of what it must have been like for Edward. A million questions were suddenly in my mind. I shoved them away. I couldn't let anything detract me from seeing him. Questions could always be answered later. I could wait for answers. I couldn't wait for Edward. They were watching me carefully again. "Well?" I pressed. Carlisle looked uncomfortable.

"Bella…" He said my name strangely. "Obviously there are still a few things you don't remember…" He let it trail off.

"Yes, I do realize this." I acknowledged. "But everything can be explained to me _after _I see Edward." I said firmly. "I know he was here in Fork's a few weeks ago alone, Angela's daughter Izzy ran into him. I don't understand why you're not together." They all exchanged glances. I raised a curious brow. "What?" I barked making them look at me again. "Do the things I still don't remember, have anything to do with why you all are acting this way?" I murmured, fear setting in suddenly.

"Yes." Carlisle nodded. "This is more complicated than you know." He murmured carefully. I was about to say something when the realization hit me that I could suddenly _feel_ his anguish, _feel_ Alice's excitement, and Jasper's concentration. I could _feel _the anxiety coursing through, Emmet, Rosalie and Esme. _I_ was feeling _their_ emotions. I was suddenly curious. I held my breath, and pushed in my head, thinking of calm, thinking of comfort. All of their faces changed slowly, settling with ease. Jasper's was the only one that suddenly warped into horror as he took a quick step backwards, too fast for my eyes to see.

"How are you doing that?" He hissed angrily. Yep, that had definitely been me seeing the future a moment ago. Everyone turned to Jasper, and as soon as they saw his face they twisted sharply back to me with wide eyes. "How are you able to control _my_ emotions?" He railed in horrified anger. I remembered earlier when he'd tried to calm me and I'd stopped him. I smirked, actually kind of proud of myself.

"The same way I kept you from controlling mine earlier." I mused. "Evidently my shield is still intact." Their eyes were still wide. "But now it's more of a two way mirror. Whatever is used on me, mental or physical, I can project back. I can mirror it." I considered my explanation and it made sense to me. "Like just now, I was able to recreate what you tried to do to me earlier, and use it on you." They all looked suddenly bewildered. "And a moment ago, before I got up off the carpet, I had a vision of you looking like you were angry with me, which happened just now." Alice's face finally changed into surprised. "But I don't think your abilities will work fully on me anymore." I murmured. "Not unless I want them to." Carlisle, always the scientists, looked utterly engrossed in everything I was saying.

"How do you know that?" He asked excitedly with a huge smile. Jasper and Rosalie looked disturbed.

"It's like with Jasper trying to control my emotions." I explained. "I didn't _want_ to be controlled." I stated. "I _wanted _to be angry. So I focused, and pushed him away." A realization that I hadn't even taken into account hit me as well. "And when I first got here, remember I said I noticed that you knew I would be here beforehand, but that you obviously hadn't known that it was going to be me in particular?" He nodded eagerly. "I assume Alice told you, that in _your _future, that someone would be coming up to the house?" I asked and he nodded. "But she couldn't tell you who it was going to be, right?" He nodded again. "That's because I didn't want to be seen." I explained. "I was afraid of startling anyone who saw my face, afraid that you wouldn't answer the door. That's why my hoodie was pulled so tight when you first opened it." I mused. "And because I kept debating on whether I should knock or forget the whole stupid idea and go home, the future wasn't set in stone because _I _hadn't made my mind up yet." They were all looking at me with wild eyes. "Pretty cool huh?" I grinned. "And I figured all of that out on my own." I laughed. "You all should be proud." I frowned when I noticed that Carlisle seemed to be the only one excited by this news and let out a resigned sighed. "I'm trying to wrap my head around it too you know?" I accused and their faces softened. "We'll work on making sense of it later." I promised. "I really, _really _need to see Edward." I whispered. There was that uncomfortable silence again. I let it linger until Alice finally spoke.

"Bella, do you remember when we took you to Phoenix, when James was after you?" I ran through the memories slowly, until I could clearly envision the time in my previous existence that she was referring to, and nodded. "Do you remember what I told you, about why it was worth everything for us to protect you?" I furrowed my brows. My memory was good, but it wasn't _that _good.

"Not specifically." I muttered. She cringed lightly.

"I asked you if you really thought any of us would want to look into Edward's eyes for the next hundred years if he were to lose you. Do you remember?" She whispered, and suddenly I did, and I nodded. She took a deep breath. "I never thought I would ever see the day when those words would bear any truth to their meaning." She looked away, but not before I caught the look of sheer torture that washed over her face. "But it did." She looked up, and if she could cry, there would have been tears in her eyes. "And it hasn't ended in seventeen years." My throat was suddenly tight. "Not for us, and especially not for him." My vision was suddenly blurred. "He wasn't…the same, after you died." Her voice was tight. I was suddenly unfocused, remembering things in my head, words and fragments of pieces that raised a thousand more questions. Alice didn't say anymore, she seemed to have lost the ability to speak, her lips quivering. Jasper stepped close and hugged her to him, murmuring something low in her ear and she nodded, before his eyes swung up to meet my face.

"We couldn't have known what price we would all have to pay, for our inability to save you." He murmured, and Alice finally turned away from me, to bury her face into his chest as his arms came around to hold her. "We will never be able to fathom his grief." He whispered. "We thought we could anticipate…" He let the words linger for a moment, furrowing his brows, as if he were trying to find a way to make sense of it himself. "After how he reacted the first time he thought you were dead." Rosalie stiffed slightly. "We thought he would react the same way." He whispered. "We thought he would try to end it all, the way he had the first time." My brows furrowed as I fought to hold the tears at bay, fighting the burning in my eyes. "We didn't understand." He shook his head. "That for him, everything had ended; it was all over for him." Alice shuddered in his arms and he tightened them around her, his eyes going to Emmet pleadingly.

"He just gave up. He quit trying to live. He just quit fighting." Emmet's eyes were tortured as well. "He _did_ die that day." He whispered. "Just not the way we thought he would." I could barely breathe, I was choking silently. "Even in terms of his death, Edward surprised us." That made my heart skip suddenly. But Edward was alive…wasn't he? He didn't say anymore, even Rosalie looked distraught, leaning into him silently.

"I don't understand." I whispered, and my voice didn't sound like mine.

"You above all people should know that Edward is so nauseatingly self-sacrificing." It was Rosalie who spoke this time. "He is utterly incapable of not taking the blame for everything that goes wrong in his world." I nodded numbly and that made my lips curl into a weakened, brittle version of blind affection. That sounded like Edward, he hated to believe that he couldn't control everything. "He…blamed himself." That made my eyes focus on her face; it was rigid, drawn into hard lines, on the verge of anger. "He decided that he didn't deserve to go…unpunished for his _failure_." I blinked. His failure? "He didn't feel he _deserved,_ the easy way out of his pain." The blinding numbness was back in my eyes. "He wanted to _suffer_." Her eyes were full of the pain that she felt; mirroring what she must have experienced watching him decide his own fate. "He figured the only true justice, would be living without anything to live for at all…without you." Her hands were fists at her side. "We tried to tell him, tried to make him understand that there hadn't been anything more he could have done." She closed her eyes. "But he was lost to us." She squeezed her eyes shut harder. "We couldn't penetrate his self-created void of damnation." She opened her eyes slowly to peer out at me. "He was his own judge, jury and executioner." She whispered softly. "He wasin his own private version of hell, and he refused to leave it." I was so hopelessly lost in the realization of her words, that I barely noticed how hard I suddenly gripped the edge of the chair beside me. "He's been living there, in that moment, trapped forever, chained to his guilt, for almost seventeen years." She shook her head slowly. "And I don't know if anything can bring him out of it." She finally stepped away from Emmet, coming around slowly, to stand barely a few feet from me. "I don't know if he's too far gone, but seeing you, knowing that by some miracle, some unknown, unimagined mercy, that can only be of God's own design, I glimpse a fragment of hope." She took a deep breath. "Hope that maybe, just maybe, I can finally have my brother back." I let my eyes wash over her face, and it was there, that hope she spoke of, nestled somewhere between her doubt and fear. "Watching Edward go through this, almost every day for seventeen years, I gained a lot of perspective on what really matters." Her eyes flickered to Emmet and they shared a silent smile of love. "That epiphany, has taught me to believe in the strength of true, unfailing, undying love." She looked back at me. "I have to believe, that you're the only thing that might save him now." I swallowed the knot in my throat. Her words sounded strange in her voice.

The bitter, pessimistic ice queen was gone, and in her place, was a woman, finally at peace with herself. I gathered strength as I looked up at her eyes, alight with desperate hope. Nothing would stop me, nothing could hold me, nothing would stand in the way of fulfilling, and deserving her faith in me. I would do whatever it would take to make this right. I was the only one who could.

Her face calmed, taking on a serious note of determination. "To do that, I don't think there is any other way, but for you to remember the things that happened, the things that destroyed him." She laughed suddenly, and it wasn't painful, it was beautiful, a light, nervous tinkling of airy notes. "It's not going to be easy." She smiled ruefully. "I wish we could just bring him here and let him see you. And I wish that it would just suddenly make everything right." She was sad again. "But that's not how life works. You can't just make seventeen years of grief and pain, evaporate. At least not the kind of torture Edward has put himself through." She was frowning bitterly again. "Edward's mind is already unstable as it is. To throw this at him and just expect him to accept that everything is all better is foolish. It could very well damage what sense of reality he still clings to." I nodded understanding. "If it's possible for insanity in vampires, we may very well soon find out, if we haven't already." I finally released the breath I'd been unconsciously holding.

"What did you have in mind?" I murmured. She watched me for a moment, considering my words, contemplating her plan of explanation.

"Considering you're recent discovery." She smiled. "With your new found talent at absorbing other abilities." A secretive smile suddenly bloomed. "Lucky for you, unequivocal bitchiness isn't one of mine anymore." That made me smile at her, and I heard a few of the others chuckle under their breath. "Maybe there's a way we can use that to our advantage." She smiled brightly.

"What are you thinking Rose?" Jasper asked suddenly. She turned slowly so that that she was facing us all.

"What ability would benefit Bella, in terms of communicating with Edward, if she were to absorb it?" I furrowed my brows and looked to the others; they all seemed as confused as I was.

"Edwards, because if she could speak to his mind…" Carlisle spoke for the first time in a while but trailed off as his eyes touched her face.

"That _would_ be helpful I'm sure, but I was thinking of something more detailed; an ability that would allow her to show him _everything_." I tilted my head to see understanding was over their faces. "So that he would be forced to _see_, without the shadow of a doubt, that it's really her, and not an apparition his mind has created out of his loneliness, to haunt him. Because let's face it." She shrugged flippantly. "That's what he'll think she is. Some hallucination sent to torment him further." I wasn't in on the game plan she had come up with, but I would go along with whatever she suggested, if it would allow me to be with Edward again.

"Alright." I shrugged and I felt their eyes suddenly on me. "What do I have to do?" She grinned wildly.

"All you have to do," She whispered. "Is remember."

There was a flurry of commotion as the others began to voice their opinion on the subject of Rosalie's suggestion, some supportive and others objectionable.

"Listen!" I said tersely, silencing them all. "It may not be the simplest task to undertake, but I'll do whatever I have to."

"I know you don't want to remember how you died just yet, but exposing you to something that will more than likely release those memories, is the only thing I can think of, that will allow you to get close enough to Edward, to reach him." Rosalie explained.

"She would have to be touching him." Carlisle interjected. "Do you really think Edward will let her get that close, before reading her mind, and realizing what she's trying to do?" He asked his face serious.

"If he couldn't read her mind before, I'm pretty sure he still won't be able to now." Rosalie retorted.

"Wouldn't it be better if he did?" I asked softly and their eyes were all on me again. "I mean, wouldn't he hear the truth in my head, and know that it's really me?" I whispered.

"No." Carlisle shook his head sadly. "Just hearing you think that won't convince him, he needs to see the entire process of your rebirth to truly grasp what has happened, to believe it." He sighed. "And merely thinking of those memories doesn't have quite the same…effect, as when you relive them in your mind." Rosalie, Alice and Carlisle suddenly smiled wistfully.

"Besides all that," Jasper waved away. "Won't Edward still see what's going on in _our_ heads and bolt, thinking that we're trying to trick him?" He asked and they were suddenly silent.

"We can just control what we're thinking." Alice shrugged.

"That will be funny." We all turned to Emmet who was grinning broadly. "If we're all trying to concentrate on something other than Bella, and all Edward hears is us repeating the word 'Apple' in our head over and over again. _No_, you're right, he won't think anything's up at _all,_ then." He grinned sarcastically. That made me giggle suddenly, at the thought of the look on Edwards face. Emmet chuckled softly in response.

"We could leave her here alone to confront him." Esme suggested. "So that none of our thoughts can be heard." Everyone looked deep in thought.

"Or I could just see if I can still expand my shield." I mused and they all turned to look at me suddenly. "If I can remember how to expand it around you all too, then he wouldn't be able to hear any of us." I said softly with a shrug.

"If you can do it," Jasper mused. "That just might work." I grinned proudly.

"Well, now that _that's_ decided." Rosalie murmured. "I suppose it's time for you to absorb another ability." My eyes flew to her.

"Who's?" My brows furrowed and there was that eerie silence again.

"I've avoided saying the name out loud, in case that alone will cause all of your memories to resurface." Rosalie explained. "But now I'm wondering if it would be better if you just remembered it all now, rather than later when you meet the person I'm referring to." She mused softly to herself almost.

"I think it would be best, if they both _remember _each other again, at the same time." Carlisle concluded. I was trying to keep my mind from straying too far in its attempts to dissect their comments, and understand who they were referring to, but it didn't really take that much effort. The memories still lost to me, were too blurry to really make any sense of, there was only a strange sense of knowledge, that there was indeed something or someone I was forgetting.

"How are we going to get either of them alone?" Rosalie pressed. "You know you can't ask for one without getting the other one too?"

"Then they'll both have to come." Carlisle shrugged helplessly.

"Should someone explain to the…other one, what is going on, before hand I mean?" Alice asked softly.

"That might help." Carlisle nodded. "Emmet can do the honors." Emmet nodded in acceptance. "Will that work?" He asked tilting his head back to look at her. She furrowed her brows for a moment, concentrating on something distant in her eyes, before she relaxed slowly and nodded.

"I still can't see her clearly when she's with him." She frowned. "Did you think that changed too?" She teased.

"No," Carlisle sighed in exasperation. "Why don't you try seeing Emmet instead, Alice." Carlisle suggested.

She focused again, but this time her face was impassive until it cleared again. "It sounds like he's going to freak out a little bit." She shrugged. "But it'll work out just fine." She looked down at him as her face changed suddenly. "He should probably wait outside while she…Oh!" She gasped as her face changed suddenly. They all looked at me for a moment and then back towards Alice. "She's been holding out on us, she's known about Bella for a while now evidently." She pursued her lips in interest before her Rosalie and Jasper exchanged a strange look.

"I'll call him." Emmet smiled. "Since we're friends and all." He chuckled before disappearing in an instant. Everyone was silent for a moment.

"Just for the record, I'm confused as hell." I muttered.

"It's okay, it's probably better that way." Rosalie murmured sympathetically.

"So…you're human again." Jasper grinned. "Still as accident prone as before?" I laughed, finally taking a seat again.

"Strangely enough, no." I smiled. "At least I wasn't up until a few weeks ago." I mumbled. "Maybe all those years as a vampire taught me a little bodily control and self preservation." I smiled. "But then again, I died, so perhaps not." I frowned. Their moods darkened slightly. "Hopefully I won't be accidentally giving myself paper cuts anymore." I grinned slyly at Jasper, and he suddenly looked slightly embarrassed.

"Luckily, I've gained a bit of self control myself." He smiled. I noticed that they'd all been standing this whole time. I knew it didn't bother them, but it slightly unnerved me.

"You guys can sit down, you know?" I smiled. "It makes me a little uneasy to have you all standing around." I grinned sheepishly. "Human habit." I shrugged. In an instant they had taken up spots around me; Esme beside Carlisle, Rosalie beside me, Jasper and Alice together on the couch beside her. My comment brought something else to my attention. "Speaking of human habits." I looked around at them all. "Why are you all going back to school so soon?" I asked furrowing my brows. "Won't people notice that you're still…well…you?" Alice smiled warmly.

"We've discovered how ridiculously unobservant, most people are." She grinned. "And in a small town like Forks," Alice continued. "There aren't really that many people who'll notice us, or who would make the connection, anyway." I frowned.

"I made the connection with Edward." I murmured.

"Yeah, well," Emmet called suddenly from another room. "You're special in the head remember?" I narrowed my eyes at the sound of his voice playfully.

"You're not worried about the danger that it puts the rest of us-" I caught myself. I wasn't a vampire anymore I reminded myself sadly. "I mean the rest of your kind in?" They all stared at me for a moment.

"No." Rosalie muttered. "We're careful. Believe _me_ we've got everything under control." She assured me. "People can speculate all they want, but no one ever thinks of trying to confirm their suspicions." She reasoned.

"And if something happens, god forbid it does, but if someone figures out what you all are, won't the other vampires be a little…irritated." I asked curiously.

"It'll all work out no matter what happens." Alice smiled. "We don't exactly have to fear the punishment of a tiny slip up every now and then, not anymore." She smiled and the others suddenly looked uncomfortable. "Besides." Alice added with a shrug "No one notices the oddity of it all. Like I said." She was being deliberately vague in her explanation.

"If no one notices," I began. "Then why did everyone seem to notice me so easily?" I pressed.

"You were human." Jasper explained. "You made friends and interacted with a lot of people. We pretty much avoided being noticed in the first place." He grinned. I eyed him skeptically.

"Angela Weber and Mike Newton noticed me right off the bat." I offered. "Angela's daughter has even heard of me, and knew the whole story about my time in Forks." That brought up another question. "Which by the way," I looked at them all pointedly. "I died in a car crash, while on vacation in Europe?" I asked unimpressed. "You couldn't think of something more…I don't know…glamorous?" I grinned.

"Death is never glamorous." Carlisle stated somberly. "Yours especially. Heroic perhaps, but not glamorous." He smiled sadly. "We were all mourning your loss, so our grief temporarily clouded our imaginations. My apologies." I frowned apologetically but he smiled reassuringly in response. "But I appreciate your effort to be lighthearted about the whole situation." That made me smile, until a new thought struck me.

"Wow!" I moaned dejectedly and they all looked at me worriedly. "This is going to be _so _much fun." I grumbled.

"Telling Edward?" Alice asked. I looked at her.

"That's not exactly what I was thinking of." I sighed.

"Then what was?" Alice asked.

"Being 17 again." They looked confused. "In my other life, I was a wife and a vampire, and _technically…_I was 19 when I died. I lived with Edward; I was finished with high school." I looked at them all suddenly. "It looks like my two years in high school are about to be repeated." Comprehension washed over them as their mouths formed into small 'oh's of surprise. They all looked bemused for the moment, but a thought made me smile. "There is one good thing that I can think of, that came from all of this." They all looked at me expectantly. "Alice you're gonna _love_ this…" I smiled and her eyes brightened. "It seems my second life has made me appreciate celebrating special events." I grinned and her whole face lit up. "So it looks like you'll be planning my wedding…again, if everything goes according to plan." They were all smiling, it made me happy, to think I may get a second chance at life, to do things over, the right way this time.

"Let's just hope everything goes a little…smoother, this time." Rosalie smiled. I nodded in absolute agreement.

Just then Emmet appeared looking frazzled; at least, as frazzled as a vampire could possibly look.

"How'd he take it?" Rosalie smirked.

"He's a little confused and upset, and he's pretty pissed at her for keeping it a secret, but other than that…" He shrugged. "He took it like a champ."

"Good." Carlisle nodded. "When will they be here?"

"Probably about ten minutes." Emmet replied. "They were already in town visiting family." They both looked at me before exchanging a glance.

"He didn't say anything to _him_, did he?" Jasper asked cryptically.

"Charlie already knows." Carlisle stated pointedly. "She went to see him and he sent here here."

"Oh, okay, well, then everything's good then." Emmet said softly. "He really wants to see Bella." He grinned crookedly, reminding me of the way Edward used to do. Everyone looked at me worriedly suddenly, as if waiting for something he'd said to click, but it didn't.

"Don't worry," I raised my hands defensively. "I'm still completely oblivious." I smiled ruefully and they all seemed to relax. "It seems that unless I hear a familiar name or meet that person, my memories of them are still safely locked away where I can't access them." I tapped my temple with two fingers and frowned. "I practically feel like a password encrypted computer, but I can't unlock myself. It's annoying." Emmet chuckled suddenly and I looked at him.

"Every time you say you can't remember something from now on, I'm going to ask you if you've forgotten the password." He grinned and I glared playfully at him.

"Typical, big brother." I muttered rolling my eyes, and he grinned warmly at me.

"That's right!" He beamed. "I do have another little sister again." That made me smile, and then frown as I thought of Jared.

"I have a little brother." I whispered. "His name is Jared; he lives in Chicago with my dad." They were all silent. I rubbed my eyes slowly trying to wash away the sudden realization. "I suppose he'll never be able to know what's happened to me." I sighed. "Not that he'd understand any of it anyway."

"You don't have to give up your new family." Esme said softly. "You're still human; you can still be a part of their lives." She offered.

"And when I want to finally become a vampire again?" I asked and she stared blankly back at me. Another thought struck me yet again. "And I swear to God, if Edward gives me a hard time about it this time, I'm going to throttle him." That made them all laugh.

"Considering how well the experience turned out last time," Emmet murmured with a knowing smile. "Other than the whole…dying part, I'm sure he won't be quite as opposed to the idea as he was last time." He chuckled. "Now that he knows how much fun it can be." I stared at him for a long moment and waves of memories suddenly flooded back to me. I felt my cheeks flush with scalding heat suddenly as I put two more missing pieces together.

"That explains the Déjà vu with the feathers!" I shouted suddenly and their eyes went wide.

"Feathers..?" Jasper asked with a curiously raised brow. I blushed again, my cheeks glowing scarlet.

"It's nothing." I tried to wave away their curious looks when Alice caught my attention. Her face was frozen; she'd jerked upright quickly to look at me.

"They'll be here soon." She whispered carefully. I raised a brow; did she happen to have any insight on how this was going to go? She must have somehow caught my silent question. "_Our_ future just changed again." My hands were suddenly trembling.

"And I just got comfy." Emmet whined jokingly, and suddenly they were all on their feet in a blur of motion.

"Bella." My head twisted quickly to Carlisle where he was standing beside me suddenly. "Whatever happens, if you need anything, we're going to be right outside." He offered but my face must have showed something, making him look at me with concern. "Unless, of course, you want us to stay." He murmured carefully and I nodded silently.

"You don't _all_ have to go." I offered softly but he was already nodding with understanding.

"I'll leave Esme, Alice and Rosalie here with you." He said softly. "Emmet, Jasper and I, will all wait outside." I nodded but there was no time to say anything, in a split second the three of them were at the door, opening it quickly before disappearing from sight. Fear began to creep its way across my skin.

"Was the person I'm going to meet…," I hesitated for a moment, "there when I died?" I asked carefully. "Is that why it might make me…remember?" I gulped the last word down.

"Yes." Rosalie nodded looking down on me and I felt a flush of fear creep up my throat. I nodded numbly losing focus.

"Will I like this person?" I asked worriedly.

"You're going to love them." She smiled warmly, one of the most genuine smiles she had ever bestowed upon me. "Just like the rest of us do." That made my brows furrow as I let my eyes drop.

"Are you sure I'll recognize them?" I whispered looking up, but her face was focused on something behind me.

"See for yourself." She murmured.

I was frozen, suspended in my existence, my fingers trembling as I stood, slowly, carefully, almost afraid to turn and see where she was looking, half drawn by that same strange pull that had haunted me for weeks. When I finally found the strength, to twist my body slowly around, my eyes focused and there she was.

I was expecting a wave of emotion to plummet me into a whirl of memories, but nothing came. I didn't recognize her. She couldn't have been older than me, then again…maybe she could, but somehow I knew that she would never look older than she was, locked in the body of fully developed young woman. She was my height, with long, softly curling bronze hair, framing an angel's face. Pale, porcelain features, her skin was beautiful, just like the rest of the Cullen's, but there was a flush of color on her cheeks, her lips were full and pink, parted in a silent expression of awe. She was human, at least, part of her was. It was only when my gaze touched her eyes that reality hit me. They were my eyes, brown, filled with unshed tears, making them look like liquid chocolate. Before I was able to even move an inch, a high beautiful, pain stricken voice rang out. Shattering my world.

"Momma?"

She was _mine_. I gasped, and then the memories came.

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**I hate leaving cliff-hangers but hopefully you shouldn't have to wait too long. Thank you guys again for your patience.**


	7. Love Endures All Things

**Hello Everyone,**

**First off, I am so very, very sorry that it has taken me nearly three years to update this story. As you can tell, I made it safe and alive, back in one piece from Iraq. (It was hot, I got shot at, my boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me while I was gone.) So yeah, a lot has changed. When I had my heart broken it really did some damage to me, and I was nearly unable to recover, I didn't start writing again until now, and we broke up in 2010. Writing a love story is hard when you're broken, but here I am, ready to believe again. **

**As I mentioned in an earlier chapter, I wasn't happy with how the book version on Breaking Dawn ended. _This_ Chapter was the one that I wrote originally, before the ones before it ever existed, I wrote this back in 2008. 5 years ago! I cannot express how happy I was that 5 years later the films brilliantly portrayed the battle that I had been hoping to see. **

**I hope people are still reading! Thank you as always for the reviews! I love them!**

**Here it is, my favorite chapter so far!**

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Behind my eyes, were a kaleidoscope of images, emotions, and a million sensations. _Pregnant_. I had been pregnant. I had been with child, I had carried _Edward's_ child. I felt a sharpness in my stomach. It was her, my little nudger. Images and sounds, of childish laughter and smiles, tiny hands on my cheeks. I'd watched her grow, watched her change for the brief years I'd had with her, as she'd transformed, maturing in her state. She was my daughter. _Renesmee_. I felt tears prick my eyes as I allowed that knowledge to hit me in a way that it never had before. I hadn't had the time to really understand what had happened then. One moment I had been pregnant as a human, and then I'd had a fully developed child in my vampire arms. I was a mother. I was a _mother_. The bask of warmth wrapping my body evaporated suddenly as the truth, in all its horrors, descended upon me, blackening my gaze.

Her birth had been in a pool of blood. I remembered Edward's haunted face as he'd watched me when I'd been willing to die for her, and I had. I had died, and been reborn, into my new life as a vampire, but that wasn't the death and rebirth that came to me now. I wasn't in the present time suddenly, droves of memories washed over me, and I remembered_ everything_.

Renesmee was missing.

We had tried to make her understand the danger in her hunting alone, without either Jacob, Edward or I. We had been so diligent in making her aware that if anything were to happen to her while she were on her own then Alice wouldn't be able to see it. We were wrong; Alice didn't need to know what had happened to know something wasn't right.

She had been working on new clothes for Renesmee. It was her new favorite pastime, seeing as how Nessie tended to outgrow her clothes on a weekly basis. Jacob had pack business to attend to that day, so Edward had gone hunting with Nessie, attempting to earn a ranking somewhere above Jacob in his little girls heart, as was his rightful place as her father. I laughed as I thought of it, coming back to where Alice was explaining the differences between fabrics as she danced and twirled around her design studio, motioning to different outfits.

She made a sour face at me when I pretended to yawn. "Bella, you could at least pretend to be interested in what your daughter will be wearing," She scolded in her bird like voice.

"Alice, fashion has never been interesting to me, and if I do live forever, I highly doubt that even thousands of years could change that fact. Sorry." I shrugged apologetically. "Besides, Nessie loves the times she spends with you, dressing up in pretty clothes, and having her hair done by Rose. It's something for you two to do together. Nessie and I, we have our own special things we bond over, like reading."

Alice rolled her eyes and tried to mutter the word 'boring' low enough that I wouldn't catch it, but I did. "See," I offered. "Your opinion of reading is my opinion of fashion…boring." Her jaw dropped suddenly and her eyes widened considerably making me snort, shaking my head as I turned to peer out the window beside me. "Oh, don't act so shocked Alice, you've known my aversion to all things fashion related for a few years now, so it shouldn't really surprise you…" I was laughing when a tearing sound made me turned to face her, and I froze abruptly when I saw her face. Her pupils were sudden pinpricks as her golden irises nearly drowned them out, the way they always did when she had a vision. However, this was no ordinary vision. I knew because only one other time had I seen the look of sheer terror and agony that was on Alice's face now, and that had been the day she had dropped the vase in the living room—when she had seen the Volturi Army arriving to destroy us all. Then, dropping the vase, she had done something very unlike Alice, and this time was no different, she was shaking and the dress that she had been holding was suddenly ripped in half.

In an instant I was across the room, gripping her arms. "Alice, what is it? What do you see?" She didn't respond. "Alice?" I could hear the panic begin to seep into my voice. "Alice, what's wrong?"

"What happened?" Jasper's worried voice came from behind me and I jumped. I would never get used to them just appearing out of thin air.

I turned to him, my voice starting to sound slightly hysterical. "I don't know. I thought she was making a face at what I'd said, I looked away and when I looked back she was like this." I motioned to her just as Carlisle, Esme, Emmet and Rosalie rushed into the room. I turned back to Alice. "_Alice_!" I shouted my voice rising slightly, but Alice continued to shake, locked within the cage of her vision.

"Jasper, has she ever taken this long before?" Esme asked frantically as we waited.

"Never like this." His voice was strained as he spoke. "Alice, darlin'," Jasper tried to cajole her sweetly, "You're scarin' me. Alice, are you all right?" His eyes frantically danced across her face, and as if someone had hit the unpause button on a movie; she suddenly pitched forward into Jasper's arms, breathing harshly as she began to sob tearlessly. "Alice what is it?" Jasper murmured tightening his arms around her.

"They're here," She sobbed. "They came back, for _her_, to use her to get to us." I had thought being a vampire had frozen me, but I truly felt the stillness seep deep into my core as she spoke. _They came back_? _Who had_?I couldn't make sense of the quick rush of her words. "It's too late to stop them, they've already taken her." Icy cold fear ran down my spine, remnants of a human body's reaction to terror, I could imagine the black fingers of dread beginning to spread inside me.

_It's too late to stop them, they've already taken her. _The words echoed in my head and I tried to will them to be untrue, to make it so they were never said. I knew the meaning in Alice's words. My brilliant daughter had been…kidnapped. I had somehow deluded myself into thinking that the things normal human parents feared, had no hold on mine and Edward's world. I was wrong.

I suddenly felt as if my chest were going to burst. How had they gotten past Edward? He would have heard them coming, he would have protected her, he—

My gaze fell upon Alice's shaking form as she slowly tilted her face away from Jasper's chest. I stared hard and long at her, begging silently for her next words not to be what I already knew they would be.

"He tried to stop them, but Alec and Jane, they—" She looked at me as she said this, locking her eyes with mine before she burst into tearless sobs again. If 'they' we're the Volturi, then I knew that when she said 'he' she meant Edward. I was gaping suddenly as my entire body locked into place, a strange numbing mixture of absolute rage and agony spreading through me.

Several voices shouted out in denial suddenly.

"Edward." His name was like a ghost on my lips.

I felt as if everything were slipping away, as the quickness of my mind processed her words. She didn't have to say the words, the unspoken horror in her eyes told me everything.

Edward, my soul mate, my love—my everything was lying somewhere in pieces, and my only child had been taken from me. A flash of memories came to mind, images of the pile of burning newborn army's bodies in the clearing, the pieces of Riley and Victoria strewn about the snow, all replaced with Edward's face. The blackness nearly engulfed me until Jasper's words broke through.

"Alice, what aren't you telling us?" Jasper spoke very quickly, pulling her from his chest even though I could tell it pained him to do so. Funny, I had thought at that point I was too far gone to notice anything. I felt numb, as I backed away from them all, edging towards the door. "They left him alive?" He asked seriously as he met her haunted gaze.

"Edward!" I was running in a blur of movement, screaming as I ran, but before I'd even made it to the stairs, Emmet had his arms around me, locking in place so that I couldn't move. It had been over a year since I'd even been able to beat him at arm wrestling; I no longer had my newborn strength to break free. "Let me go, Emmet!" I growled.

"You shouldn't see that Bella." He murmured gently. I tried to twist free.

"He's my husband, I have to help him!" I cried frantically. "Let GO of me!" I snarled. "We could have already been on our way to him. Let me go Emmett! They could still come back to kill him." One arm ripped free, swinging backwards, barely missing Emmett's ear, before he had my arms pinned once again. Carlisle, Jasper and Alice were suddenly before me, and Alice's voice, still unsteady halted my movements.

"They won't." Her voice was so unlike her, breathy and desperate. "He's too valuable to them. They only did what they did to keep him from warning us, they knew they'd never get past the boarder alive if we pursued them in time."

"Are you making excuses for them Alice!?" I screamed and my own voice startled me. I had never yelled at Alice.

"Bella!" She gasped as hurt washed across her face. "No! What they did was—it was awful." If I didn't know it was impossible for vampires to pale, I would have sworn Alice did just then. I wanted to apologize, but my next fear needed to be addressed first.

"And Renesmee?" I watched her carefully.

"We'll never catch them in time, I'm sorry." Her eyes were wide and sincere. "Maybe if their decision hadn't been made at the last second, I could have caught it in time. When Aro touched my hand in Volterra, he was able to see and understand how my visions work, he knows how to find holes in it." I swallowed out of habit and nodded, blinking back tears that weren't there.

"Will he survive?" Her face froze into her practiced mask and I knew the answer to question wasn't something I wanted to hear. Jasper was strategizing, looking between Emmet and I carefully.

"Can we trust you to stay here, or do we need to leave Emmet here to hold you?" Jasper's face told me that this was no time to be difficult. Honesty was best.

"Emmet needs to go with you, but you should probably have Esme and Rosalie hold me." At least I could be rational. Or maybe my honesty meant I was having a sudden fit of hysterics. Could vampires go into hysterics? I tried not to think, tried to shut my mind off. I locked eyes with Jasper, and could see that my reply had startled him. "I'm fine!" I growled. "Help Edward, please!" He nodded and we had an understanding. I let my eyes dart to Carlisle and Alice's faces. His was still seemingly calm, but the tightness in his eyes told me that he feared the worst. Alice's face was tormented with guilt. "This isn't your fault Alice, you couldn't have known," I whispered as Emmet slowly released me.

"I know," She murmured. "But he's my brother and having to watch them do that to him—" I put up a hand to halt her words.

"Will he…" I tried to ask the question on everyone's mind but I couldn't bring myself to voice it. "Just find him and bring him back to me." There must have been something in my voice. Their faces changed to looks of worry and Emmet's arms were suddenly raising back up to grip me. "GO!" I exploded shoving him away forcefully. If I were possible for me to cry, I would have burst into tears. "He's out there, all alone, he—" My voice broke and everyone but Esme dispersed.

"Bella—" I heard the fear in her voice as she came to hug me tightly. All I could do to keep it together was to close my eyes, hold onto her for dear eternity, and hope that my reason for everything would return to me.

I was staring out the window of Edward's old room, overlooking the river—I hadn't moved in nearly an hour—as I scanned the lines of trees for movement, my ears actually straining to detect a sound of hope that never came. I had become edgy when no word of relief had come within the first two minutes. Surly they would have reached him by then, so why hadn't they at least called? Was Edward alive? I shuddered. My mind began steering towards thoughts of Renesmee, and then into darker places and I was forced to reign it in. If I let the recent events sink in, I wasn't sure what would happen. If vampires could go into shock then I probably would, if I wasn't already.

Rosalie came bounding across the river first, when she noticed me in the window she stopped to meet my gaze for a few short seconds, the mask that I had yet to perfect covering up any emotion that had been written across her beautiful face before she darted into the house. I felt more than heard Esme pause in the doorway every few minutes, probably to make sure I hadn't gone mad and raced to Italy to declare war against the Volturi. I almost laughed, it was too late to start a war with the Volturi—they had already provoked one with me.

I heard Rosalie's voice downstairs as she spoke with Esme, purposefully keeping her words too low for me to make out.

"She hasn't said a word since you all left," Esme murmured loud enough for me to hear. I immediately tuned out whatever Rosalie's response was.

A few moments later, Emmett's arrival made me even more uneasy. Unlike Rosalie, he hid nothing. The severity of pain etched across his usually mischievous expression nearly made my knees buckle. It seemed that if the fear of loss was great enough, even immortality couldn't keep the human part of me at bay. I wanted to lean forward and press my fingertips to the glass when his face rose to watch me carefully; I wanted to plead with my eyes for reassurance. He turned away before he could give anything away and rushed inside.

I felt my core harden. If even Emmett, who had always found a way to make a joke out of the silver lining in every situation, was that distraught, then the worst had happened. I felt myself begin to close off and shut down, numbly turning away from the window I sank to the floor and the flood gates of agony opened.

I was suddenly on fire again, dying on that table as Jacob and Edward worked to save me, and then I was drowning, sinking beneath the waves of a life without Edward, and lastly I was curled into myself on the forest floor, waiting for death to take me after Edward left me. The worst moments of my life, all combined into one, multiplied by a force a thousand times so much stronger that it made me tremble, until I shut down completely.

It felt like hours had passed by the time I finally registered that someone was speaking to me. The blur of my vision began sharpen until the glare of a flashlight suddenly came into focus. Without shifting at all, my vision slowly focused farther past where the beam of light bobbed and weaved between each of my eyes to where Carlisle continued to examine me carefully. I blinked as his hand waved in front of me slowly, a frown creasing his features. I ignored him, shifting my gaze to the others in the room, touching on Esme, then Alice and Rosalie, and over to Emmett. It was at a sluggish human speed that I caught movement out of the corner of my eye.

Just outside the doorway, Jasper stood with his arms crossed, his eyes fixated on something on the other side moving too quickly for me to see. His gaze darted back and forth as if he were witnessing an invisible tennis match, and I couldn't make sense of the movement. My depression had somehow suppressed my heightened senses, and my eyes couldn't move fast enough at first, but it seemed to be slowly catching up as the blur seemed to be getting easier to follow. Jasper suddenly reached out into the empty air when he noticed me watching carefully, and his hands were suddenly gripping two shoulders, turning them so that the flash of bronze hair was barely noticed as a topaz gaze slammed into mine.

_Edward_.

It was like warmth flooded me suddenly, and my frozen heart would have jolted. I thawed out of my misery instantly when I swept the length of him, unable to detect a hair out of place. There was a long pause as it took a few moments for both of us to register and realize the condition of the other, before I noticed the strangest mix of expressions sweep his face. First shock, then relief, unconditional love bloomed into smile before his lips froze and something dark beat it back. He hesitated as obvious guilt crashed over him, making him actually take an ashamed step back. Was there an accusation on my face that I couldn't detect? I would have to remedy that reaction. I didn't even have time to think of moving.

A loud crack like thunder erupted as we crashed into each other; our hands a blur of movement as we swept across the others face and neck, reaffirming our reality. We spoke in broken, hurried sentences, finishing each other's words.

"Edward—" I was breathless.

"Bella—" The huskiness in his own voice nearly made me collapse all over again.

"I thought that you were—"

"I know," He murmured, gently tucking me against his chest. "When I arrived—"

"I couldn't bear the thought of losing you. I couldn't stop thinking about it." I gripped him tighter. "I…I just—" I was trembling again.

"Bella," He said pulling away to look at me. "You were catatonic." He said it as if the words explained the severity of his anxious expression. "You wouldn't move, or speak." I blinked blankly, not helping him calm down, as my eyes swept his perfect face. "I rushed back here as soon as Carlisle told me. I'm sorry I worried you so, Love but I couldn't bear to face you knowing I had failed to—" My fingers touched his silk lips halting his words.

"Edward." I took a shaky breath. "You're alive." The awe in my words and tremors in my voice made him grip me tighter. "That's all that matters right now." I lunged forward, my arms locking around his neck as my lips pressed into his, my fingers tangling in his windblown hair. I kissed him hard on the mouth, and felt him shudder against me, his palms cupping my face.

The way he held me suddenly didn't feel right; it was too careful and distant. I could smell the newness of the clothes he was wearing; cotton and denim, making me pull back suddenly to look at him searchingly.

"Bella?" he raised a brow slightly.

I jerked the sleeve of his shirt up, and pulled the collar of his shirt to the side, and gaped when my eyes finally saw them—fine hairline cracks in his skin, running the length of his collar bone, and at his elbows. I darted a few steps back and gasped, covering my mouth with both hands to keep from screaming. He followed my movement, taking my hands in his and pressing my palms to his chest.

"I'm fine." He murmured trying to reassure me, making me glare ridiculously at him.

"Edward, they—" The words choked me. "I can see it, where they tore you apart! They tore you apart!" I screamed jerking away.

He tried to console me, "I'm healing already, I'm—"

"Don't you dare tell me that you're fine!" I shouted hysterically making him flinch. I was breathing quick breaths that I didn't even need, unable to control my lungs as my chest heaved rapidly. He took a deep breath and grabbed me suddenly.

"Listen to me!" He demanded pleadingly. "I...am...going...to be alright." Each word was said very slowly. I blinked up into his topaz gaze, and then I fell apart, collapsing against his chest and sobbing tearlessly, almost screaming, gripping fistfulls of his shirt.

It was a few moments later, filled with him silently rocking me against him as I shook and moaned trying to verbally expel my grief, before I quieted.

"What took you so long to come back?" I whispered finally pulling back just enough to look up into his face. He heaved a deep breath and swallowed averting his gaze from mine to stare at the ceiling for a long moment. "Edward?" I blinked worriedly and pulled back farther, touching my fingers to the perfect plane of his cheek.

"I couldn't." His voice was suddenly restrained and he still wouldn't look at me.

"Couldn't?" I was perplexed. "Because of what they did to you?"

He finally dropped his face to meet mine, pressing his forehead to mine, closing his eyes, before sliding his cheek to rest against the top of my head, holding me tighter. "Because I couldn't face you." His voice was hollow.

I pulled away, suddenly needing to see his face, to understand. "I couldn't come home to you alone," My mind was still grasping for meaning and then he said it: "Not without her."

A sick feeling rolled in my gut, like a swift punch, and I slid to my knees holding my abdomen. Whatever walls my mind had thrown up to shut the truth out in an attempt to protect me, crumbled. My shock broke, and I screamed. _No! NO!_

Edward backed away from me. I ignored the others who suddenly went rigid. _Renesmee!_ I pitched forward, my face in my hands against the wooden floor as my hair fell in a long dark curtain around me. I kept screaming.

"My baby!" I shrieked. "My baby!" I sobbed into my hands, angered by the fact that I had no tears to cry with when I desperately needed something in my body to react. I weakly pushed up, my entire body shaking in ways it hadn't since I had been human as I continued to heave and cry out sporadically filled with hysteria.

"I'm sorry." Edwards voice silenced me abruptly as my eyes met his where he was sitting on the floor against the opposite wall from me, his fingers gripping his hair as if he would rip it out, his head hung in his palms. "Forgive me, Bella, please forgive me."

I crawled to him at vampire speed, my fingers replacing his gently as I cupped his face in my hands. "This is _not __your fault._" I shook him until he looked at me, and his face showed the agony of his guilt. "Edward," I cried and he blinked at me as the break in my voice when I said his name clawed at him, "Edward, they have our little girl." My voice was barely audible, a choked sobbing whisper. "They took her." I cried as the full weight settled upon me. My voice dropped lower and darker as I stared. "I'm going to kill all of them for this." His eyes grew wide. "All of them, Edward." I said it firmly, as his face suddenly morphed into something I had never seen before, some hardened resolve, sinister and vindictive. I'm sure mine was the same.

The Volturi had returned, and had taken my baby from me, intent on learning the secrets of a half life of immortality, determined that she would join them. They were still in the business of collecting abilities. I _remembered_ this. The month of agony, in search of hope, that she was still alive. When word had come that the Volturi indeed had her, the confirmation sent me into such a rage that it had been insurmountable. My wrath had blinded me, as I raced into the forest, tearing down trees and ripping them to shreds, crushing boulders with my fists, destroying everything in my path. It wasn't until Edward's arms were suddenly around me, holding me to him that I collapsed, tearless sobs wracking my body as we both sank to the ground.

"We'll find her." He had promised, whispering a low murmur in my ear. "We'll get her back, Love. I swear this to you." I shuddered and continued to sob, knowing that this time, no peaceful compromise would be made. I would kill them all, or die trying.

This was _war_.

Immediately after my breakdown, the rest of the Cullen's had scattered to the far corners of the earth, recruiting the legions of vampires that would be outraged by this treachery, to fight in our war against the Volturi. I knew that this time, no one would hesitate, no one would refuse, and this time, when they stood by our side, many would die.

While the others built up the forces we would need to even consider a victory possible, Edward, Jacob and I had gone to Italy to scout for her whereabouts.

Jacob. Every memory we'd shared came to me in a clear bright flutter of clips, it wasn't startling…it was pleasantly pouring into me, like filling up a cup. Jacob didn't have any secrets for me to uncover, he never had, and he was my best friend. He'd always been Jake. Jacob. _My _Jacob_._

My mind was abruptly pulled back. Jacob had been every bit destroyed by Renesmee's absence as the trees had been by my hands. Jacob was on a crusade, and nothing would stop him, just like nothing would stop Edward and I. Once we learned where the Volturi had been keeping her, deep in the catacombs of their stalwart fortress, it wasn't long before we received word that we had more than enough allies, willing to aid us in our warfare, whatever the cost. Edward and Jacob had left me alone earlier that morning, on their way to greet the others upon their arrival, filling them in on what we'd discovered and our plan of attack, and they would be returning within the hour, with the rest of our defenders in tow, and then, the battle would begin.

I sat quietly, staring out the window of the inn of which had been our shelter for the past week, mulling over thoughts in my head as I watched the sun slowly dying upon the horizon. When it sank into oblivion I steeled myself as the edge of fear washed over me. I felt as if my dead heart were frozen.

It was twilight.

The sky was red, foreshadowing the carnage to come. Plans had been made, the lines had been drawn, and blood would be spilt tonight.

Unexpectedly, a scent so strong, so familiar, I couldn't ignore it, was filling my senses and I stiffened when I heard a small voice, echo in the arising darkness of the night.

"_Momma…"_

I wasn't sure I had really heard it, until it was there again.

"_Momma, where are you?"_

I lurched to my feet and if my heart could, it would have been pounding.

"_Momma, I'm frightened."_

I threw myself through the window in an instant, and when I hit the ground I was already running before the shattered glass littered the sidewalk, in a blur of motion, as I sped through the city. Edward would find me gone when he returned but he would follow my scent and immediately know where I had gone. There was only one place I would go. They had bait that I could not resist.

"_Momma, I need you."_

I didn't think as I ran, propelling me faster, weaving around buildings and through the narrow streets. My rage and terror blinding me, as I barreled my way through the entryway of Volterra's crypt…where all of hell's evil existed. I never met resistance; I never saw any opposition as my senses carried me farther down, through decrepit corridors and decaying tunnels. I couldn't remember how long I'd been running, it seemed like forever, and forever was a long time for a Vampire. Renesmee's tiny, throbbing heartbeat was calling to me; leading me down the ancient stone passageway, until it was pounding in my ears, and I knew that she was there, on the other side of a set of high, elegantly arching, iron plated, ebony wood doors, barring me from her.

"_Momma…save me."_

I felt the fury rage within me, as I pounded into the wood and it groaned in resistance, but didn't cave, making my eyes widen. I narrowed my eyes angrily and heaved forward again, this time the wood bowed against the force behind my assault, and I heard a sharp crack break the air.

"_Momma!"_

The shriek of terror, more real than before, on the other side ripped through me, and I screamed, throwing myself against the barrier, and it gave way, splintering off its hinges, in a long moan of timber and iron, as I broke through. In a blur I saw the memories of the room I had entered, debris flying everywhere, as I came to an abrupt stop, halting my momentum a few steps past the entrance. They were all there. Waiting for me. They knew I would come. They knew the weakness, of the love only a mother knows, a mother's love for her child. I had been trapped, lured, and Renesmee had been the bait. I had been foolish. Careless. I thought that I could save her on my own. And I'd been wrong…dead wrong.

I registered my surroundings. The room was roughly the size of a small auditorium, a wide flat plane of stone made up the lower level, and 15 layers of wide stone steps, 5 feet deep each, reaching from wall to wall, arched upward, concaving into a small platform roughly 10 feet in diameter. It took me a split second to finally notice the deep pit in front of me, 20 feet from where I stood in the doorway, the width of a large round pool. Only it wasn't filled with water, it was filled with fire. Bright flames danced across the mouth of its opening, creeping heat through the air, crackling and burning, as the blaze begged at the edges for more than tinder and air to devour. This was the execution chamber. Where they tore vampire's limb from limb, and then discarded their remains into the trench of hell's fire.

I cataloged the presence and position of them all in my mind, but my only focus, was Renesmee. She was restrained in the arms of Jane and Alec, who were standing on one of the higher layers, her eyes wide and frightened, but they calmed when she saw me, before widening in fear.

"Momma!" She screamed and I ground my teeth and tightened my fists. I couldn't wrap my shield around her with her close proximity to Alec and Jane, it would render me vulnerable to their attacks.

"Hush now, darling." I tried to sound soothing and strong, but my fear bled through my words. "Everything's going to be all right."

Aro sat quietly, patiently, raising a curious brow, watching me with cool eyes from atop from what almost seemed like a throne, Renata standing to his left, with a hand gracefully curved atop his shoulder, Marcus and Caius to his right. A tall, gaunt, vampire that I didn't recognize, with shortly cropped brown hair and chiseled features, stared silently at me, leaning casually back against the stone wall behind Aro, his arms crossed, his eyes narrowed, as he studied my face. He couldn't have been less than 30 when he'd died. Crouched before them all, baring their teeth and snarling, were the rest of the guard. Demetri, Afton, Chelsea, Heidi, Santiago, Corin, and Felix in back, and ten unnamed vampires in front. They were the expendable assets, layered defensively, and staggered on each step. "I have to say…" Aro mused, bringing my attention back to him, showing shock on his face. "That was quite impressive Bella." I glared at him. "Even _I,_ have never penetrated one of our guardian doors before with such…ease." I ignored him; I didn't give a damn about his compliments. I moved in a blur of motion, around the pit of fire, so that I was standing at the base of the stairs, glaring up at them all.

"And I'm a bit disappointed." I ground out. "Insulted even." I strengthened my resolve, keeping the fear from my voice. "That you think this is all it takes to stop me? All it will take to keep me from shredding you limb from limb for your treacherous actions?" I narrowed my eyes at him, I was bluffing through my teeth, channeling Edwards elegant wording as I spoke.

"I think you overestimate your abilities, my dear." He frowned.

"We'll see." I spat. "Where is your vast entourage of witnesses?" I asked mockingly. "Was no one willing to stand idly by you, while you continue to commit to another set of atrocities in your lust for power?" His hands fisted slightly. _Good_. I wanted him angry. I wanted him careless. "Have your subjects abandoned you?" I glared angrily up at him.

"As you can see Bella, there are many who still serve me." He motioned to the guard as Caius and Marcus shot him an irritated glance each. _There we go._ I smiled to myself. _Piss off your allies Aro._

"These are all the pawns you could find to waste their lives for your cowardice?" I smirked crossing my arms. Aro's eyes tightened as they flickered to the side. My eyes flew to Renesmee where she was still protesting against Alec and Jane's hold on her, suddenly her eyes went blank and she froze, as if someone had hit the pause button on a remote aimed at her. _Alec_. I stiffened visibly before my eyes found Aro's again.

"_Let. Her. Go_." My voice wasn't mine anymore, it was something dark and hate filled, as each word was spat from between my lips like acid.

"Bella, our last meeting wasn't anything less than pleasant." He smiled blandly. I snorted.

"You have a warped idea of what you consider _pleasant_." I muttered darkly.

"Did we harm you in any way?" He asked in a polite question.

"If you'd had your way, you would have." I glared.

"Nonsense!" He gasped looking insulted. "My entire intent was to but…_investigate,_ your situation." I raised a dubious brow.

"_Investigate_?" I retorted. "You needed to scrape up every means of force to _investigate_?" I quoted the words with my fingers. He smiled politely again and it was starting to get on my nerves.

"Merely protocol." He murmured.

"Well, your protocol was _highly_ unnecessary if you'll remember." I reminded him.

"Better safe than sorry." He smiled. "And if I remember correctly, your eclectic assortment of comrades wasn't exactly…undersized, itself."

I grinned. "Better to be safe than sorry." I threw back at him.

"In any case," He waved a hand delicately in the air. "We had a very polite discussion." I snorted, throwing my head back in a bark of laughter. His eyes widened. "You disagree?" He murmured.

"Wholeheartedly." I spat.

"I do not understand why-" He began but I cut him off.

"Sure we had a polite discussion." I muttered lowly with a shrug. "While your guards were silently _attacking_ me." I eyed him pointedly.

"Again, merely a precaution." He smiled. "We had no idea your talents were so…advanced." He chose his words carefully. What he was really saying is that I'd knocked them all on their asses in surprise.

"I surprised a lot of people with that." I grinned.

"Yes, yes you did." He sighed. "Still, despite your defenses, we made no move to cause a conflict." He insisted.

"Really?" I asked showing my skeptical disagreement with my voice.

"Truly!" He exclaimed shockingly. "Both of our goals were peaceful were they not? There is no reason why this time should be any different."

"I beg to differ." I snarled leaning forward to take a step up, but Aro made a face as Jane and Alec moved in a blur of motion to position their open jaws at either side of Renesmee's frozen neck, a paper thin amount of space from her skin, their razor sharp teeth glistening, and reflecting glints of firelight. I froze. I had no idea what vampire venom would do to her. It could make her fully vampire, it could kill her for all I knew. I couldn't risk that.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Aro smiled, his face and voice still pleasant. My eyes came back to him where he watched me. We were both still for a long moment, until Aro raised a quizzical brow. "You've piqued my curiosity Bella."

"Whoop-ti-doo." I shrugged apathetically and his eyes narrowed but he ignored me.

"I wonder how strong, your…love, truly is." He tilted his head slightly, watching me carefully. I grinned wildly in a flash of teeth.

"Strong enough to help me kill _you _before I die." I murmured menacingly. I meant it too. He frowned this time.

"Perhaps." He flung carelessly. "But is it strong enough to keep you from killing your own daughter?" My whole posture sagged suddenly at his question, as shock and sheer terror welled up within me.

"What?" I asked numbly.

"Do you think, in your blind attachment to her, that you can honestly save her from yourself?" He was grinning suddenly and a strange feeling of foreboding inched its way along my skin. I glared at him suddenly.

"I would never hurt her." I ground out, my hands clenching tighter.

"Never?" He asked unconvinced.

"Never!" I screamed. He didn't flinch, he just continued to smile, that same unnervingly impassive smile at me.

"I'm not so sure about that." He grinned, before turning his head slowly to meet the gaze of the unnamed vampire behind him. "Zachary." He called softly, and slowly, as if struggling to make the effort to keep his pace slow and even, the vampire leaned forward and pushed away from the wall. It was graceful, as if invisible strings straightened him in a fluid motion, before he took three long, slow steps forward to Aro's side. "Have I ever introduced you to my maker Bella?" Aro smiled softly, his face swinging around to meet me again. I felt the shock fill my face before I frowned. My poker face was lousy tonight. I let my expression fall into blank lines.

"Can't say I've had the pleasure." I said impassively. "Not that it _would_ be anyway." I shrugged. "After all, how great can he be? He made _you_." I let the disgust bleed through my voice and Zachary's head snapped up suddenly, to meet mine incredulously, insulted, I assumed, by my disrespectful tone.

"The attitude is not very wise, dear one." He glowered bestowing the endearment upon me.

"Ooo," I moaned sarcastically. "I'm so scared." I grinned, realizing that I was channeling a little bit of Jacob's unabashed humor into my words. Aro watched me, with some small strange flicker of amusement touching his brows.

"Are you not afraid to die?" He asked curiously.

"I'm not afraid to die for her." I declared firmly.

"You would die for her?" His face was alight with surprise suddenly.

"I would." I nodded. _I will._

"And Edward?" I felt a jolt of pain stab through me as I thought of him, hitting me swiftly in my stomach tightening my chest. Edward. Other than Renesmee, he was the only thing I lived for. The cavalry would be here soon, but it would be too late. "Would you die for him as well?" I settled my gaze upon him, pulling myself up, gathering all my strength.

"In a nonexistent heartbeat." I vowed.

He considered me carefully, sucking in a slow; gathering breath, tasting the honesty of my words, and in that moment I heard the faintest sound, echoing from far above the chamber, down the tunnels, and stairways, through the destroyed entryway. Edward! Hope jolted me; I had to buy time, I had to stall…if I could.

"Why?" He asked quietly, and his voice was filled with some soft incomprehension.

"I love him." I whispered. "He's my every reason for dying…for living." My voice softened. "When you can live forever, what do you live for?" I asked. The whole tone of the room swiftly softened, as silence enveloped us. The only sound was the sharp hiss and pop of fire at my back, and Renesmee's thrumming heartbeat. They each slowly turned and looked at one another. Even Zachary seemed to have been moved by my words. The sound behind me echoed louder now, I prayed that in this silence none of the guard could hear it, prayed that their patience would hold, but I knew it wouldn't last long, and it didn't. They were all suddenly snarling, crouching further into an offensive position, leaping down a few steps. I realized that I'd moved, and that had been what had set them off, not the sounds from behind me.

"I live to survive." Aro chuckled suddenly, his face betraying nothing, whether or not he knew what his guards were up in arms about, or whether he had heard the commotion behind me, I couldn't tell. There was a long silence as he continued to watch me; the sound at my back grew closer. I had to protect them, as soon as the others realized the oncoming ambush, they would attack. I threw my shield wide, letting it touch from wall to wall, filling the space between the entrance and the bottom two steps. "Surviving is my only aspiration Bella." I was focused on him again. "And your daughter's talents have so many applications for ensuring that particular endeavor." He grinned as some of them edged forward.

"Why her?" I was pleading suddenly. "My ability would be of more use to you than hers." I offered reaching out a hand silently to explain, and they paused, waiting for Aro to speak. His eyes, widened suddenly.

"Would you take her place then?" He asked raising a fascinated brow.

"If it would spare her." I let my eyes flicker to my trembling child. "If you would let her go." I whispered, but my brows furrowed as I glared at him accusingly, bracing myself, standing at the ready. "But you're not going to do that are you?" I asked, rasing my own brow in question. He grinned.

"No, I'm not." He smiled.

"I didn't think so." So much for buying time.

I charged him at once, but I was only able to take a few long strides before something slammed hard against my chest, my body hitting an invisible barrier, throwing me backwards harshly, to land with a thud against the stone floor, my head hitting with a sharp crack and I was suddenly in the dark, an endless night that even my vampire eyes couldn't see through. Renesmee's scream, pierced the air, but it began to fade, until nothing was left but a soft, muffled moaned in the dark, low and eerie. It was in my head, swirling images around, disorienting my sense of self. I wasn't anywhere, I was lost. Trapped in my own mind. I was aware that I was on my side, being held, and knotted against myself, by my own limbs, which I had no control over anymore, struggling against the ground.

"Zachary has a very special talent Bella." It was Aro's voice ringing out in that darkness. "Interesting, is it not?" Sharp humming echoed suddenly in my ears. "You may be able to hide your mind from _me_…" There was laughter, grating through my mind, like nails on a chalk board, and I screamed, covering my ears as if they were burning. My scalp was on fire, a sharp throbbing in my head, as if my skull was splitting. I continued to scream. "But your body still responds to our most basic of needs." He whispered. I felt heat coursing through me, blazing wildly and there was no way to stop it. "You cannot fight what your body craves Bella, you cannot fight what you are, what it is, in your nature to do." Flames burst inside of me, an explosion of heat and pain. I couldn't see anything but the darkness, but I felt heat swirl across my skin, tiny needle points of pain searing me. "You cannot deny the blood that pulls you in." I smelled it then. The sweet intoxicating aroma. It was like acid in my throat, venom filling my mouth, as I choked, and the dark hunger rose within me, blinding my senses. I saw blood. I was in an ocean of blood. I wanted to drink it up, to swallow it, and feel it coursing down my throat. "The desire raging inside of you." I was scrambling up on my hands and knees, following blindly where that delicious smell led me. I felt stone beneath my palms, but I was waiting for warm, pliant skin to be within my grasp. Where was that luscious scent coming from? "No matter the victim, you cannot deny the hunger for human blood in your mouth." I felt my body jerk, and then freeze suddenly at those words, shoving the heat aside for a quick moment. No! Not Renesmee! My spine bowed as I fought to hold myself, curled against my body, tried not to move, tried not to follow where that scent was leading me. "This is Zachary's specialty." Aro's voice was mocking as he noticed my attempt to fight against myself. "He can summon the deepest, darkest raging thirst within a single person, or just call it to the surface in many." I squeezed my eyes shut, even though I could see nothing already, just in case my vision was to suddenly return. Because I didn't want to see anything, I didn't want to know where she was. "Useful is it not? He has the one ability even you cannot fight my dear Bella." The laughter was there again. "He can call your demons out from within you." I heard her heartbeat suddenly, like the flutter of a humming bird's wings, but it was so impossibly loud. "Every drop of her blood will sing for you, calling you to taste." I screamed wordlessly against the bonds of searing heat that wrapped my skin, like a cocoon of fire, while flames ate their way up my throat inside of me. "You want her, to taste her. La tua cantante." White light burst behind my eyes, and I screamed, a high piercing, blood curdling shriek of terror and pain, and the searing fire, slicing through my consciousness, was like no pain I'd ever felt before, blinding me, twisting me, into the monster I'd held at bay, as the thirst flared to life. "Kill her!" He screamed and my eyes flew wide, and I saw everything, my sight zeroing in on the pathetic child, a few steps before me, squirming helplessly in firm hands, blood dripping down her skin from an open wound at her wrist. She wasn't my daughter anymore, she was my prey. I swallowed hard, as heat scorched my tongue, irradiating my mouth and throat, the thirst was unquenchable, it would never cease until I tasted her blood and her blood alone. Even the venom flooding across my tongue could not put out the flames. I _did_ want her, and all I could focus on, was her blood, bright red against her alabaster skin, falling wastefully to pool on the stone steps. I crouched low, a snarl ripping from my burning throat, as Alec and Jane leaned away from their once again statuesque captive, preparing for my attack.

Someone suddenly shouted. "They're coming, they're here!" Aro was on his feet, his eyes blazing.

"We couldn't hear them!" Marcus's eyes were wide.

"They've impeded our senses!" Aro swore harshly as the sound of a stampede thudded suddenly from right outside the room, before breaking through, ringing loud and clear. I felt tiny pricks of light flare to life inside my head as one by one they passed into my shield. I ignored it all. Most of the Volturi guards suddenly rushed past me, down the steps, in a blur of motion, ignoring me where I was crumpled against the stairs, their own bursts of light appearing, leaving only Aro, Renata, Zachary, Chelsea, Jane, and Alec outside of my protection. I paid them no mind, I didn't care. All that mattered was the child and the blood, _her blood_. Alec and Jane's eyes flew wide when their mental attacks on the others behind me failed, and their grip on her arms lessened. Alec lost his focus, and the child suddenly came to life, ripping her bleeding arm away from his grasp, flecks of her blood hitting me on the face. I closed my eyes as I sucked in a sharp breath, inhaling the scent as my tongue licked upward, catching one of the droplets that had be speckled my upper lip.

"How is she still able to control her shield?" Aro screamed at Zachary. "It's protecting them!" He snarled.

Suddenly a torrent of thunderous cracks ripped through the air from behind me, and I saw body parts all of a sudden, landing in pieces around me, as snarls echoed, the sound of harsh grating scrapes, as limbs were ripped apart.

"Do something!" Aro railed wildly. Zachary focused. Delectable hunger swiftly flared through me, stronger this time, my shield fluttered softly, but remained in place, and my vision went red as the thirst filled me, once again targeting the small child. I could see nothing else. I grinned. Showing a flash of razor sharp teeth coated in venom, and lunged forward for the girl.

Something struck me hard, hitting me from the side, as a booming growl was heard, shoving me, thudding down the stone steps, until I landed at the bottom, sliding across the flat surface until I was able to catch myself, my fingers digging into the ground, coming to a halt mere inches from the mouth of the fiery pit. I whipped around quickly, crouching low on one knee and hissed, as my eyes met the razor jaws and amber eyes of a large wolf, standing where I had been moments before on the stairs, blocking my view of the child. _Jacob_! I hissed angrily in my head.

From the corner of my eye I caught glimpses of the war raging across from me, on the other side of the pit, distracting me. Several faces I didn't recognize along with Esme, were wrestling with Corin's thrashing body. Jasper and Emmet, back to back, taking long swipes at another pair of defenseless vampires who I recognized as Felix and Santiago. Rosalie's jaws were ripping through Heidi's throat. Several other unnamed vampires circled Demetri. Kate and Tanya had Caius down on the ground as Carmen and Eleazar ripped his arms and legs from his body, leaving only a screaming head and torso, before they tossed them into the fire. Stefan held Marcus in his arms as Vladimir ripped off his head in one fast swipe, rolling it across the ground and over the edge of the pit and into the flames. Some of the bubbles of light inside my shield burst from existence. The Volturi were easily outnumbered, five to one.

A high howl of agonizing pain brought me back around to where Jane was standing over the twitching body of the russet wolf, her eyes blazing wildly. _Jacob! _The thirst receded as I thought his name. Racing blindly forward, I launched myself at her, pinning her to the floor. My hands were clawing at her wildly, enraged, breaking off pieces of her like bits of clay, until her body was a distorted pile of flesh between my fingers.

"No!" Alec's cry of fury made my eyes swing back to where he held Renesmee. He suddenly looked impassive as Chelsea narrowed her eyes at him, attempting to rip away his attachment for the corpse in my arms, to keep him focused on holding the child. I flung the remains to the side carelessly, and took a step forward, as the smell of her blood hit me again, and the thirst flared to life, overtaking all of my senses. I stood blindly, slowly, taking a forward step, my eyes trained on her. There was no escape for her now.

Alec released Renesmee, handing her off to Chelsea, my eyes following her, and Renata clasped a hand firmly on her shoulder, keeping in contact with Aro the whole time. I was tackled suddenly, this time; the impact forced my body all the way to the far left wall, hitting it with a resounding crash, cracking the foundation, as dust burst around us. I turned, talon like fingers ripping their way across my arms, as I faced Alec with all the rage of hell in his eyes. Obviously Chelsea's power wasn't as strong as she thought it was, that, or Alec's love for Jane was stronger, which I couldn't fathom. I hissed loudly, enraged at his intervention, but my anger was rewarded when seconds later, over Alec's shoulder I caught Chelsea's vindictive smile as she shoved the child towards me, sending her flying through the air, attacking Jacob simultaneously, keeping him from repeating his previous rescue. Renesmee landed a few meters before me, knocked unconscious, and my eyes narrowed. Gathering my strength I pushed hard, flinging Alec's form at the perfect angle, arcing high into the air, and when it finally descended, his figure suddenly disappeared into the pool of fire.

A figure standing frozen across the open pit, stared at me with wide horrified eyes, and I felt my chest tighten painfully, causing me to suck in a breath. It was Edward, standing tall, with fire reflecting in his topaz gaze. I thought my heart might burst at the sight of him, as the thirst receded more than it had before, allowing me full control of myself for a moment. I clenched my entire body, warping my shield, focusing on the members of our party, so that it hugged them like a second skin.

"Go!" Someone shouted and my eyes caught sight of a throng of enemy vampires retreating back up the stone isles, as our entire army descended upon them, Carlisle in the lead, Alice and the rest of the Cullen's right behind him, as they swarmed up the steps to rush them, Chelsea, Renata and Aro .

"Bella watch out!" My eyes flew back to Edward where he was reaching out his hand to me from miles away it seemed suddenly, his voiced strained in pain, as a hand clasped abruptly around my throat, throwing me back to pin me up against the wall. Zachary's eyes filled my vision and I couldn't break his hold. His touch numbed me. Several others turned to aid me, but he flung the hand that wasn't wrapped around my neck wide, towards them, and they all crumpled to the ground, the thirst knocking them off their feet, not as strongly, as it had done to me. Shrieks and moans of pain filled the hall. "Bella!" Edward called, on his knees in agony, clutching his throat, still reaching for me across the flames.

"No one refuses my call!" Zachary snarled bringing my eyes back to his where they were filled with cold fury. "Do not defy me! I command you!" He screamed pulling my limp body forward before slamming it back into the rock wall with a force that jostled me. "Now feed on your wretched prey!" He screamed. I was on fire on the inside suddenly, a deep fissure of flames ripping through me. It was excruciating. The thirst seared my throat, scorching my mouth, a fresh flow of venom spilling across my tongue, as he released me, dropping me to my feet, and I was frozen in place. The frail body of the child twitched, as she finally regained consciousness, pushing up slowly, blinking with wide impossible eyes as she looked around, suddenly aware of her surroundings. Her tiny flickering heartbeat flared to life violently in panic. I caught the scent of her blood and it hit me like a swift punch to my gut. I was suddenly mad with hunger, crazed beyond all definition of insanity.

_Blood. Blood. Blood._

That's all there was, I was a zombie, a single tracked mind, I was a killer, a monster…and I was going to kill her. Renesmee looked upwards suddenly, her eyes going wide when she met mine, and then she screamed. It only excited me more and I was moving forward in a slow purposeful stride, sensing Zachary at my back, keeping close to keep the thirst boiling my veins. She scrambled up suddenly on to her hands and knees, backing away closer to the pit of fire, her eyes panicked. There was anticipation suddenly, in the thrill of the chase as I closed in on her. This was the killing dance, and she was the sacrifice. I moved in a blur of motion and reached her in an instant, my hand flying out to grab her beneath the chin, pinching my fingers around her jaw, bruising her skin, raising her up off her knees. The only way she could break my grasp would be to twist her body harshly and break her neck. I couldn't allow that, her blood would start to cool if she were to die. I lifted her higher, and her hands gripped my wrist, as the toes of her sneakers left the ground. She opened her mouth and another blood curdling scream erupted from her. I smiled, lifting her so that her gaze was level with mine, and in its reflection I saw my face filled in hunger, my amber eyes coated in a thick red shell. It did nothing to dispel me, as I slowly pulled her to me, closing my eyes, inhaling her scent. The open wound reeked with the smell of her luscious blood, sending me into a frenzy, as my eyes darted down to her wrist where it flailed against her struggles. My free hand snapped out to capture it in a crushing hold, slowly bringing it to my face. It was inches from me. I squeezed her porcelain skin, and blood seeped quicker from the wound. The thirst blazed on, venom pooled in my mouth, as I parted my lips before sliding them over my teeth, preparing for the strike.

"Bella! No!" Someone screamed, piercing the air. I froze instantly, and my mind was sucked into itself, my eyes unfocusing. That voice. I knew that voice. It was beautiful, like a dream, descending upon me. An angel's voice. "She's part of you!" My vision came back to the child's wide eyes. My eyes. "She's part of me too!" The angel cried. "I love you!"

_Edward! _Everything exploded inside of me, the thirst shrank back, curled away from me, in fear of the power that was cooling my raging desire suddenly, filling me with another. The thirst could not hold me, it could not tame me. It could control my body, but it could never control my heart. Only Edward held that power. She was my daughter. She was me. She was him. I couldn't destroy something that was part of him.

My hands spasmed and Renesmee fell to the ground, staring up with her mouth open wide in stunned horror. I suddenly regained control over part of myself, enough to yell "Run!" She scrambled away fearfully, and harsh hands suddenly jerked me around by my shoulders, until I was abruptly facing Zachary, his eyes wide in disbelief. I suddenly realized why, as my path before me was laid out in an instance of eternity.

He'd used all his strength, every ounce of his pull, wasted it mostly on me, and I'd beat it back, when no one else could, because my love was stronger than him. But the aching hunger was still there, waiting below the surface for me to lose what little control I had, and then it would spring back, and my thirst would never be satisfied until I'd killed _her_. That's when the heart wrenching knowledge hit me. As soon as he was killed, his hold on the other's thirst would lessen. They hadn't been hit with everything he could muster, but I had. It would end for them; his draw on their thirst would dissipate moments after his death, but not mine. He'd called to things inside of me that couldn't be taken back, he'd pulled the thirst so far from within me, that the magic of his spell couldn't be undone. It would never end for _me_; it would never go away, until Renesmee's blood was in my mouth.

"No!" He snarled shaking me, and I flung his arms from me with careless ease, the power in me too strong for him to hold me. "This can't be! It's impossible!" He screamed enraged, reaching out to take hold of fistfuls of my shirt.

"No." I smiled softly grabbing his wrists. My eyes darting to the fire a few feet behind him, then they slid slowly, meeting Edward's topaz gaze, letting it linger on his angel's face one last time, before I came back to lock my gaze with Zachary's. "It's love." I whispered.

In an instant I was shoving him forward, dragging his fated corpse with me, and with his body locked onto mine I plunged us both into the endless abyss of the inferno. As the flames burned my skin, curling my flesh from my body, I drifted away, until there was almost nothing, and the last sound I heard was my name on Edwards's lips. I was suspended in nonexistence, there wasn't dark, or light, there wasn't anything. I didn't exist anymore. My life was over. I was dead.

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**Sooooooo? What did ya think?**


	8. The Theory of Soulmates

Thank you so much for the great reviews! I know so many of you are like "Hurry up and get to Jacob and Edward already!" I promise that in this chapter you'll at least be partially satisfied but if you stick with it a little bit longer the next few chapters after this one will have _lots _of both of them in them. I'm sure for now you guys will be happy with finally seeing Nessie and Jake right?

I do have to warn you however, I wrote about 70% of this chapter a few years ago one night after not having slept for four days straight. Running on no sleep, keeping barely conscious by chugging can after can of Coke and munching on Ramen noodles and cereal and in a race against the clock because I had to report for duty in the morning at 6am (Again, with no sleep.) I think my sleep deprived brain is what caused my epiphany to occur that finally in my mind explained the entire relationship between Edward and Bella. This chapter is why I included the monologue in the beginning of the story. I warn you because (Again, no sleep.) I became very spiritual all of a sudden at 4 o'clock in the morning and there is a part of the story where Bella gets a little...preachy, shall I say? It's not supposed to parallel with any religion at all, it's more of a faith based idea. I, myself am by no means a religious person and I don't pretend to have all of the answers to the universe, but when this idea hit me, it made so much sense, no matter how annoyingly 'preachy' it sounded, I had to include it in the story because it ties the whole plot together.

I hope you enjoy and are becoming as frustrated reading it as I have been from writing, waiting for Edward to make his grand entrance, it seems to be taking him a while doesn't it? It will all be worth it, Girl Scout's honor! Hope you all enjoy! : ) - Kat

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I could suddenly hear my name being called softly; cold arms were around my shaking body, cooling the sensations of heat, as I came back to myself, back into the present time and day. A white blinding light was everywhere, until tiny shapes formed in my vision, and the room came back into focus.

"It's okay Bella." It was Alice holding me, her voice far away and distant. "You're okay, you're safe." She murmured softly.

I took a deep shuddering breath and blinked. "I think…I think I need a moment." I begged, leaning forward to put my head between my knees as I tried to wrap my thoughts around this new knowledge. Alice complied, releasing me but staying close enough for me to feel her coolness as my back. I shuddered as I remembered the reflection of my red eyes and the feeling of the flames as they consumed my body. I fought to get my erratic breathing under control. How many times would everyone watch me go into hysterics today, I wondered? I could have never imagined such as violent end to my existence but on the other hand, I couldn't find a trace of surprise in my feelings towards it either. My actions weren't in any way a shock to me. I reacted exactly how I expect that I would, given the circumstances. I coughed to hide a laugh at myself; no surprise really, in the end I was the perfect candidate to be the martyr.

I blinked and my eyes caught sight of my sneakers, where the laces were starting to come untied. I was on the floor again and I wondered how many times I would black out and wake up sprawled out on the ground— it almost annoyed me. I stilled when I felt more than heard someone crouching down front of me. A shadow moved closer as warmth became a haze along my arms, like invisible heat, making me look up slowly as a voice sounded out.

"Bella?"

I knew that voice. It was low and husky and undeniably warm. There was a face filling my world, warm brown eyes, and tan skin.

"Bella!?" I blinked and everything cleared.

It was Jacob.

I didn't think. I didn't hesitate, as soon as I recognized his furrowed browns, and worried gaze, I threw myself forward and up to meet him, wrapping myself around his neck as tears sprang to my eyes.

"Jake!" I cried, tightening my hold as sobs over took me. He hugged me to his chest. "Jake!" I moaned against his neck and wept profusely, chanting his name over and over again until I couldn't speak anymore. We held each other for a long moment, holding tight as if we were afraid to let go. His lips touched my temple gently.

"Bells…" He let my name linger and it sounded wonderful in his voice. "I never thought…" He coughed suddenly, and I heard the tears in his voice, making me pull back slowly to see him. His face was wet, his eyes pain stricken, but a brave wondrous grin curved his lips. "I don't understand…" He trailed off and I couldn't help letting a joyous laugh break from me.

"I don't even understand!" I wailed happily. My chest was heaving, and I was suddenly out of breath, making me slide away from him to land with an ungraceful thump to the floor, my hands covering my eyes as I rested my elbows on my knees. "It really happened, didn't it?" My words were muffled into my palms. "It doesn't seem real." I murmured, shuddering at the memory.

Jacob's large palms wrapped gently around my fingers pulling them from my face, pressing them flat against his broad chest and through the thin fabric of his shirt I could feel the heat of his skin and the rhythmic pounding of his heart. "This is real." He whispered, his gaze piercing me, as his eyes welled again. "You're alive." His voice was still filled with wonderment as he reached out to cup my face. "You're really alive." He swallowed hard as sudden pain overtook his face. "I watched you disappear into those flames…" He trailed off resting his hand on my shoulder when it began to tremble. "It took months for me to be able to talk about you without losing it, Bells. Years before it really hit me that you were gone— my best friend—gone…and now you're here." He was silent then.

I explored his face, it had become leaner— harder— all traces of youth had vanished, replaced by years of experiences, his eyes were all that still held that special glint to them that made him my Jacob. His hair was shaggier than I remembered, some of it falling over his eyes, and past his ears. Even his frame was different, his shoulder broader, the muscles in his arms straining against the sleeves of his shirt. Jacob was all grown up.

"I can't believe you're here. Seventeen years is a long time to go without you. I missed you, Bells." He confessed softly.

I moved slowly to hug him, resting my chin on his shoulder. "Me too Jake, I didn't know it, but I did. When I realized who I was, when my memories came back, I missed you too, so much." I rubbed his back slowly, trying to comfort him. It crossed my mind to use my newly acquired ability to soothe him but I thought better of it, it just didn't seem right to use that on Jacob. Our relationship had always been so simple— at least as simple as we let it. I always felt like we were just two people when I was with Jake, I never felt like a freak, or out of place, and he was never a werewolf, he was always just Jake.

I pulled away to smile warmly at him and a thought suddenly struck me.

"Nessie," I whispered, my eyes going wide. "She was here…I remember seeing her." I could barely contain the emotions that filled me as a glimpse of her face flashed in my mind. Jacob touched my knee gently to explain but before he could Alice spoke.

"She's outside with Rose—she's trying to calm her down." Her voice was strained making me turn to look at her but she didn't meet my eyes.

I was confused.

"Calm her down?" I looked around—noticing that other than the obviously missing parties, the rest of the entire Cullen family surrounded me, and their expressions were strange.

"Your new abilities…" Carlisle trailed off. I looked at him.

"What about them?" I whispered worriedly.

He looked at me for a long conflicted moment. "I don't even know how to explain it." He sighed obviously frustrated with himself. I looked to the others and they seemed almost reluctant to answer my silent question.

My gaze finally settled back on Jacob.

"Jake?"

Jake would always tell me the truth.

He debated silently; I could tell from his expression that he was deciding his words very carefully. He was so grown up, so much more in control than he once was, less impulsive.

"I was outside waiting." He began slowly. "Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmet were explaining to me that you were alive, I was trying to comprehend it all. It was a lot to take in, knowing that Ness had already seen you before—down at LaPush—and had kept it from me."

I furrowed my brows and many things suddenly made sense. "She's the one who saved me from the bear in the woods that day." I acknowledged recalling her voice as she spoke to Luke while I lay on the ground pretending to still be unconscious.

"Yeah." He nodded. "She's been following you for weeks." Another image of a figure appearing in the tree line earlier that day came to me. He actually chuckled for a second. "Now I understand why she's been so secretive lately, and disappearing all the time. We had a god awful fight over it, but I guess I understand why she didn't tell me, she didn't know for sure that you were…well…_you_, and she knew that if she told me that I'd want to see you for myself and I probably would have scared the crap out of you."

"Probably." I agreed.

"She wanted to tell me—hell, she even wanted to tell you, but Nessie has always had the foresight to know that things happen in their own time and that sometimes they can't be rushed." He sighed brushing his hair out of his eyes and I had a feeling that there was another point to him explaining this to me. "It's good that she didn't, you're human again, and after seeing how Edward handled your death," He cringed, "It's pretty clear that traumatic events can damage even a vampire's mental state," I blanched at that. "So who knows what would have happened to you if we'd confronted you with the truth instead of letting you work everything out on your own. You needed to…to…" He was searching for the right words.

"Adjust?"

"Yeah," He shrugged. "I guess that works. I think you've had more time than the rest of us really to let it sink in about who you are. So you've adjusted better. We haven't." He grimaced suddenly. "To us you've been dead for seventeen years, to you it probably feels like it was yesterday doesn't it?" He stared at me.

"Sort of," I sighed, "I mean, I still have seventeen years of memories as somebody else in my head but my sense of time is kind of…compressed I guess. I can't feel like I've been without you all for so long because I didn't know what I was missing before today." I frowned. "It's not really fair is it?" I stared back at him sadly.

"Losing you wasn't fair," He murmured softly touching my chin his eyes tender, "But you're here now, so you won't see me complaining." He grinned. That made me smile wide and I could feel my face brighten but it fell again when his did. Back to harder topics. "So you see Bells," He said carefully. "We never had closure; you were just gone, and we've been grieving ever since, we never got over it, never fully healed, and then bam!" He snapped his fingers. "You're back, human again and you have superpowers…_as a human._ The way Carlisle explained it, it's not something he's ever seen before and on top of that they 'manifest sporadically without a clear cut pattern of warning'." He explained making air quotes before he looked at Carlisle. "Is that how you said it Doc?"

"Close enough." Carlisle smiled amused.

"Anyway," His gaze swung back to me, "In normal terms, there's no way to tell when you'll suddenly have a new ability pop up out of nowhere, or what it will be, or _who_ it can affect because," He did air quotes again, "'Humans only show a vague inclination of what vampirism will cause to manifest'." It was amusing, how those words sounded very un-Jacob like coming from him. I watched him intently then, sure that he was trying to say something. "So basically, on top of most of us _still _being in shock that you're alive, we also have your freaky new talent show throwing us for a loop, not just because you _can_ do them, but because of _what _you can do and there's no way of knowing _when _you will do them."

I rubbed my forehead becoming frustrated. "This isn't helping me understand why Rose needs to calm Renesmee down." I pointed out.

He looked like he was bracing himself suddenly and I had the distinct feeling that I wasn't going to like this. "Like I said, me and the guys were outside when we heard a loud noise come from inside the house so we rushed in to see what was wrong." He looked reluctant to continue, but he did anyways. "Carlisle assumed that your theory about your powers had been correct, and that once a power is used on you then you can reflect it back—like mimic it, but evidently, you don't have to have it used on you first." He took a deep breath. "You were on the floor shivering, unconscious, your eyes were rolled back in your head. I thought you were having a seizure." His voice was flat, and an expression very unlike Jake appeared. He was masking whatever he was feeling very carefully. "I guess that's what happens when you remember." He said slowly. "Nessie was kneeling beside you, about to touch you but before she could it just happened." He stopped abruptly and I realized that my heart was pounding.

"What…just happened?" I was afraid to know.

He took my hands and gathered them in his much larger ones very carefully. "Bells," He said my name with extreme care, "the hardest part about losing you…was not understanding _why_." That word held a world of weight to it as he looked earnestly into my eyes, his brown ones were swimming with so much emotion I quit breathing. "Because even though _you _knew why you had to jump into that fire, _we _didn't, we—" He cut off trying to swallow. "We didn't have any way of knowing that you didn't have a choice, we never _understood _what you went through…to save us all—to save her, or that it was even_ why _you threw yourself into that pit."

I pulled back slightly shaking my head as I looked at the others. "But you _felt_ it—the thirst," I reminded them but they stared sorrowfully down at me from their different positions around the room. "I saw it nearly paralyze you all."

Jake was shaking his head. "They did, but they didn't know why or how it was happening." He explained.

"But surely Edward would have told you." I reasoned.

Jake was shaking his head again. "I'm sure they've explained to you what he was like after you…fell." Clearly unable to say 'died' out loud. "Obviously not enough." He threw them a hard look before meeting my gaze again. "Bells, whether or not he knew what had happened we can only guess. If he did, he was too out of his mind with grief to talk about it…_ever_." His face darkened suddenly. "Though, I'm sure he did. He had to have used his ability during the fight and figured it out." The muscles in his jaw flexed as he spoke. "I'm sure after knowing that you did it to save _her_," He nodded towards the front yard. "It explains why he wanted nothing to do with her after that…knowing what we know now, what he knew then."

I pulled my hands away instantly as his words sank in. I shook my head and blinked rapidly in confusion. There was something in those last words that clawed at the back of my brain, willing me to put the pieces together.

_Knowing what we know now._

It clicked suddenly and I asked my question very carefully. "If you didn't know why I did it then, then how do you know _now_?"

The reluctance and regret on his face made my stomach tighten. "It wasn't like the way Nessie does it," He tried to explain, "And it sort of was, only we didn't have to be touching you to see it." My eyes widened.

"No!" I gasped and jerked my hands free of his. I shook my head fearfully praying that he didn't mean what I think he meant.

He whispered reaching for me. "It's like we were there again, only this time…we were _you_."

I choked in horror, shoving myself away from him, hugging my knees to my chest.

"Tell me you didn't see it _all_! Everything I saw!" I pleaded and his eyes were suddenly grave.

"I never knew Bells…" He trailed of as his hand fell away, his face dropping down. "I had no idea…" He looked up at me with tortured eyes. "None of us ever understood what it cost you to save us all." I dropped my face into my knees.

"I wish you had never seen that." I whispered. "Those were my last moments of life, and I was a monster!" I cursed. His hands were on my upper arms in an instant jerking me to face him.

"No! _No!_" He growled, shaking me with each word. "You were an Angel." He murmured. I shoved him away.

"I almost killed her Jake!" I screamed covering my eyes again, and again, he pulled my face up to meet his.

"But you didn't Bells…you didn't." His eyes probed mine, flicking back and forth. "I'm so sorry we couldn't save you." He whispered remorsefully. I reached up and gently pried his hands off my arms, before scooting farther away until my back was up against the side of the couch, leaning on it for support. He looked stricken.

"Just…give me a second." I put up a hand to halt him, and for a few moments I took long deep breaths and exhaled slowly. I closed my eyes and let the knowledge wash over me. I was finally whole. I had thought with that, I would feel at peace, but this new realization tainted it. I mulled over the information, putting piece by piece together until they all made better sense to me. I briefly let my mind touch on those moments of insanity. Edward had watched me die. How could Edward ever blame himself? How could he, when I had made the choice myself? Those were the darkest moments I'd ever known, those months without Edward in my life a close second. Those moments in time were what he'd made himself relive everyday for the past seventeen years? I let my eyes flutter up, none of them had moved from where they had been before, they were patiently watching me.

"Edward has been living that nightmare every night since it happened?" I whispered, and my voice was strained from the emotion. The vampires all blinked behind their perfect masks, Jacob was the only one who looked pain stricken. "You need to tell him to come home." I murmured. "Right now." My tone brooked no refusal and they all nodded silently. "We don't have time for anymore plans, I can't let him suffer like that a moment longer, knowing it's all my fault." They tried to stop me but I hushed them. "I was the one who ran right into their trap." I whispered.

"Why did you?" It was Jake's voice full of pleading that made me look at him. "If you had just waited, we would have been there too Bells. We could have stopped it all from happening." He pleaded. "If you had just waited for us."

"I couldn't." I choked. "She sounded so frightened. I couldn't take it anymore."

"How did you not realize that it was a trap?" He asked ridiculously.

"I did." I whispered and I watched the horror unfold across each of their faces. "I knew exactly what it was, but I had to go to her. They didn't just want her like I thought they did Jake." I said hoarsely. "They wanted _me._" He gasped and I looked away unable to take the pain in his face. "They wanted me most of all, because then who could stand against them?" I croaked tears welling in my eyes. "They would have killed her to get to me—I couldn't let that happen when it was my stupid gift that they were after, and she was running out of time. I knew what I was doing. What happened to me was no one's fault but my own." I whispered as tears streamed hotly down my cheeks. "I was dead the second I broke down that door."

The room was enveloped in silence. No one spoke as my words echoed throughout the room.

A long moment later someone cleared their throat making me look up. Emmet raised his hand slowly. "Can I say something?" I eyed him a moment before nodding. "I know it doesn't mean anything to you," He began. "But _I _can't even break through a Guardian Door that easy." He grinned. "I was pretty damn impressed." I couldn't help smiling. Leave it to Emmet to lighten a mood.

That made me think of something. "And since you brought it up, why couldn't I just bust through that thing? I mean, I've pulverized boulders easier than that."

This time Carlisle spoke. "Very few objects can withstand our strength, so naturally the Volturi began experimenting with different elements back in the 14th century to create a substance that could—albeit unsuccessfully for the first four hundred years, but eventually it became obvious what the answer was."

I waited.

"Diamonds." He answered simply. "They found a way to fuse them into certain metals, what you thought was wood was actually black diamonds, which it why the hinges gave way instead of the actual door itself."

I blinked and my cheeks flushed as I made a mental note to see about having a bed for Edward and I fashioned in such a way.

"So like I said," Emmett reiterated. "Impressed."

I shrugged. "Don't mess with mom." I winked at him with a soft smile. "You'll understand." They were all smiling suddenly. I looked at Jacob expectantly.

"You need help up?" He asked with a grin.

"Yeah…my legs kind of feel like spaghetti." I smiled ruefully. He chuckled and stood, stretching out his arms and I reached up to take his hands, letting him pull me upright, but he didn't let me go, instead he stepped closer, enveloping me in a bear hug, rocking me slowly from side to side.

"I missed you, Bells." He murmured against my hair. I nodded and he stepped away.

"Can I actually see my daughter now?" I grinned sheepishly; they smiled but yet again another thought struck me. "Is she…is she afraid of me?" I asked fearfully.

"No." Jacob shook his head. "You're her mother. Always have been, always will be." He murmured and I nodded.

"Was Edward…there for her…after it happened at least?" I asked suddenly and they all frowned.

"No." Carlisle shook his head. "Not really." He hesitated then. "He said only what was necessary to make decisions…about the funerals." That made a question suddenly creep into my mind.

"Angela's daughter Izzy told me…about them." I looked at him carefully from beneath my lashes. "I understand mine was for the sake of my human friends and family-"

"It was for us too." Jake whispered. I saw the sadness fill his face.

"Jake, I didn't mean-"

"I know." He cut me off. "But it wasn't just for show Bells, you were dead, it was the human way to honor your memory, it was the only thing Edward could handle." He watched me carefully. "And he didn't exactly handle it either." He took a breath. "If there had actually been anything left of your body to bury, I don't think he would have let us put it in the ground." I blinked at him.

"What I was trying to ask…" I began after a long moment of silence. "Was why did Edward fake his own death? What was the point? I mean, obviously, he didn't actually die." I whispered.

"He did in a way." Carlisle said softly.

"I told you…" Emmet shrugged. "He did die when he lost you." I furrowed my brows.

"But why the funeral?" I whispered. They all shifted uncomfortably, it wasn't a necessary movement, it was habitual, but they seemed to do it this time to avoid meeting my eyes. "I need to know." I murmured softly.

"Nessie can show you…" Jacob trailed off. "It's not an easy thing to explain." I stared at him for a moment before nodding in acceptance. "He wasn't…really all there" He sighed. I was silent for a beat before looking back at Carlisle.

"So…he wasn't there for her…at all? For seventeen years?" I asked appalled.

"Not at first…other than that…discussion, and the two funerals, he stayed locked up in the bedroom he shared with you, not even coming out to hunt, that is…until he left. From what we know…he spoke to no one, contacted no one for the first fifteen years after your death. We didn't see him again until barely two years ago." Carlisle whispered looking down suddenly. "Nessie lost both of her parents the night you died, and although Edward did return, he was never able to be a father to her again." My eyes widened and I furrowed my brows but Jacob attempted to explain.

"He couldn't be around Nessie." Jacob murmured. "He couldn't look at her for the longest time, every time he did, all he saw was you. She reminded him so much of you. He couldn't bare it. I think it was too painful for him, so he left again." I nodded, my chest constricting painfully. "When we saw him again, it finally seemed to get easier for him, but…he couldn't let himself be happy, every time he started to smile, just before it really turned into a smile, he would stop himself. She just reminded him of how he failed to save you." I lowered my eyes slowly.

"I would have been the same way." I whispered. "But abandoning Nessie-"

"Momma?" The voice startled me, making my head jerked upward and then, there she was. Staring at me with impossibly wide eyes, my eyes. An image of her eyes, wide and terrified, flashed in my head, with the reflection of a monster with glowing reds eyes, staring back. A sudden sense of self disgust rose within me. I turned away slowly.

"How can you even look at me?" Tears were suddenly in my throat. "How can you call me that after what I did to you?" There was a soft warm hand on my shoulder.

"You rescued me." Her whisper was so close. "You came for me, you protected me." She murmured. "I've been waiting seventeen years to tell you I love you." There were tears in her voice suddenly. "I love you mom." I felt her emotions pass into me, flashes of her memories of the love she had for me, and I whirled to face her, reaching out to hold her to me.

"My baby!" I cried. "My little girl!" She was sobbing suddenly too, against me, her heart thrumming against my chest. "I love you Nessie!" I pulled back to meet her eyes, full of tears, just as mine were. "I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you." I cried my voice almost nonexistent as I spoke. She blinked and more tears fell. "And you saved me!" I gasped pulling back to look at her as I remembered the bear in the woods.

"Of course I did." She smiled so sweetly at me. "You're my mom."

"I've missed so much of your life." I murmured as I scanned her face committing it to memory, realizing that every moment was precious. I couldn't comprehend her beauty, her flawless pale skin, her gorgeous bronze hair that fell in waves down her back, the clear bright depth of her beautiful brown eyes. She had grown into the most amazing woman. "Will you show me everything?"

Someone cleared their throat and that made us both look at Carlisle.

"Nessie…" He began but paused, his eyes flickering between us.

"What's wrong grandpa?" She whispered. It was odd hearing someone refer to Carlisle that way.

"Your mother…would like to see what happened…" He trailed off and looked at me and I understood what he was going to ask her. "When Edward made the decision about his funeral, his decision to leave us." She blinked and turned slowly to me. "I know that you were both just reunited, but she needs to understand what he has become." She nodded staring at me still. "And I…cannot convey through words the depth of the despair we saw in him that night." She sucked in a shuddering breath.

"You'd think it'd be easy to remember that you weren't there." She sighed. "But I can't imagine a memory that you weren't part of still." She closed her eyes. "It's like you still existed…in spirit." She smiled sadly, looking at me. "Obviously you weren't, it was just Dad's memory of you that haunted us all, and it haunted him the most." She frowned before offering me her palm. "I perfected my ability as I got older, learned how to focus on specific memories and show them exactly as they happened, but they're in my perspective, I can only show you what I saw and heard." She furrowed her brows. "He's not the same person you remember, that night, there was nothing left of him, and we all saw it…I'll show you if you really want to see." She whispered. I nodded and let my fingers touch hers lightly, and then there were suddenly images swimming over my eyes.

_I tremble against Jacob, clinging to him as he carries me—touching his cheek as he walks—telling him silently that I'm afraid and confused. I haven't seen Daddy ever since we had returned home and that had been weeks ago. I had wanted to go see him but Aunt Alice and Aunt Rosalie said that he wanted to be alone. I didn't understand. I missed him._

_"Everything's going to be okay, Ness." Jacob assures me. "Your dad just wants to talk to everyone."_

_It was very strange to me that Jacob didn't say his name anymore. I ask him why— silently—but he only shakes his head and presses his lips tightly together._

_As we enter the dining room I notice Aunt Alice leaning against the far wall by the window. She looks upset, standing very still with her arms crossed over her chest keeping her eyes on the floor. Grandpa Carlisle and Grandma Esme are closest to her, seated on the side of the dining room table. Esme smiles up at us as we enter but there's something not right about it, it's tight. She peers over to the head of the table to the left of us, and my eyes follow hers._

_Daddy!_

I saw him then and in the midst of the memory I gasped.

Edward was at the head of the table, separated two chairs on each side from the others, his eyes were cold and hard; pitch black, lifeless, as he stared straight ahead as if seeing nothing. His palms were flat atop the table, his body rigid, unmoving. He looked older, not physically, but his tense posture portrayed a sense of ancient awareness, his gaze filled with some strange knowledge perfected from decades of existence.

If he were human, I knew that there would be darker circles beneath his sleepless eyes, not the usual bluish tinge, but a trait common only in someone haunted and plagued by nightmares instead of peaceful dreams. Instead they looked bruised, almost hollowed out as if he hadn't hunted in weeks. His face would have been gaunt, unshaven, his eyes glassy—If he were human. But physical indications of his emotions weren't possible, the only indication of his mood other than the unfocused and distant look in his eyes, were things that even vampire beauty couldn't control. His blue button down shirt was wrinkled, the collar bent at an odd angle, the crease of the fold no longer crisp and defined, and his normally wild untamed bronze locks, were disheveled in an odd way, giving evidence to the fact that he'd taken no care with his appearance. He didn't care. But he was immortal, locked forever at the unalterable age of 17. He was still perfect and beautiful, his skin, like creamy porcelain, but he looked dead, there was no sense of animation in his features.

_I want to go to him—to throw myself into his arms. I try to wriggle free of Jacob's embrace but he won't let me. I turn touching his face making my wishes known but he shakes his head, his eyes very serious making me blink at him. I look back at the table. Uncle Jasper sits opposite of Daddy, Aunt Rosalie and Uncle Emmet beside him, with their backs to us. Everyone is silent as they all finally turned to look at Jacob and I where we stand in the doorway—everyone but Daddy. He never moves._

_Jacob slowly walks to take a seat beside Uncle Emmet—I protest as he turns me in his lap. I want to go sit closer to Daddy but Jacob ignores me. I don't understand. Jacob _never _ignores what I want. _

_ "Edward?" Grandma Esme breaks the silence, her voice soft, tentative, as if she's afraid to capture his attention. He doesn't blink; he merely turns his head in her direction. "You wanted to speak with us all about something?" She whispers. He continues to look at her, before nodding. His movements are robotic, as if they're just reactions to his environment and not conscious choices._

_"I've made a decision." He says it blankly and there is something very _wrong _with his voice. There's a long space of silence, no one moves to speak. "I realize that it is absolutely pointless to try to end my own existence." I can feel Jacob release a breath—I know that if they could breathe then the others would have too. Mommy once told me that Daddy had gone to The Volturi before I had been born, asking them to end his existence because he had thought that Mommy had died. I blink fighting back tears thinking of her. Mommy. After she had disappeared into the fire, Daddy had tried to follow her. Grandpa Carlisle, Aunt Alice and the others has been keeping a careful eye out for any sign that he would still attempt his version of suicide. When I heard them try to explain, I had understood. Daddy loved Mommy, more than anything—more than me—and he didn't want to live without her. I had understood but I had still wanted to go to see him. I still love _him_. _

_"There is no one left who will agree to assist me anyway." He slowly turns to look at Jacob, very careful to not let his eyes drop to mine. "And yes, I am well aware that even you will not resurrect our agreement from when Bella was still human." I am confused. Jacob had agreed to kill Daddy? "You all would impede upon any attempt I make on my own anyhow." He murmurs quietly._

_"Edward…" It's Grandpa Carlisle speaking his name. He slowly turns to face him with the same expression, void of emotion. "We do not wish for you to be unhappy…" Daddy raises a dubious brow. "But your daughter…" Grandpa Carlisle motions to me but Daddy does not look—he flinches._

_"Jacob is perfectly capable of protecting and caring for her." Daddy says curtly. Hurt washes through me. Jacob growls low in his throat, I can feel it rumbling in his chest at my back but Daddy doesn't look at him. _

_I don't understand. What is he saying? I touch Jacob's arm but it only tenses as he hears my question. _

"_Daddy?" My voice is very small and pained. Even being the size of an eight-year-old after two years of life, my voice doesn't match my size. Daddy doesn't even acknowledge that I've spoken and I can feel Jacob tighten his arms around me. "Daddy?!" I'm trying to lean forward but Jacob is holding me back. _

_Let go, Jacob! I tell him pressing against him trying to get free. I want Daddy!_

_Finally his eyes slide to meet mine and I freeze—it's as if an explosion of grief goes off behind his eyes, before he quickly looks away._

_"I am in no condition to take care of her anymore." He whispers and his voice is tight a muscle flexing in his jaw._

_"You can't take away both of her parents in one blow…that's cruel." Jacob growls suddenly, hugging me to his chest. When Daddy meets his eyes this time there is black hate burning in the onyx depths, so black…it scares me._

_"No." His voice is a mask of ice again. "Cruelty…is finding the soul mate you've spent a century searching for, a love that surpasses all that you have ever known, only to have that love ripped away from you, to watch your love burn alive right before your eyes, knowing that there is no afterlife waiting for either of you, that you will never…ever…see their face again. _**That**_, Jacob Black, is what cruelty really is. You know nothing of true cruelty until you have witnessed that." There is nothing but blinding pain in his voice. No one says anything for a long time, as Daddy continues to stare at Jacob. Slowly, his face falls into blank lines again as he faces directly forward once more._

_"Is that what you brought us here for…to tell us that?" I hear Grandma Esme ask but I don't look at her. _

_"No." But it's not Daddy that answers, it's Aunt Alice. "He wants' to have another funeral," She whispers. The others don't look as if they have the ability to speak._

_"Another funeral?" Esme whispers whirling to face him. "Honestly Edward, even humans do not perform more than one funeral per-"_

_"Not for Bella!" He says sharply, as if Mommy's name is the most painful word he has ever spoken. "For me." There are several audible gasps._

_"For you?" Several people speak at once._

_"Yes." He nods stiffly. "From this day on, Edward Cullen is dead, he no longer exists. I may not be able to die, but to the rest of the world I shall be dead." There is no sound after that, except for the pounding of mine and Jacob's hearts and their fast breathes. "So that Bella's human family and friends will allow themselves to feel as if I have received the punishment I rightfully deserve but cannot be given." His eyes are hard._

_"Edward-" Carlisle tries to speak but Daddy cuts him off._

_"You all _**will**_ help me do this!" He says harshly, a fist slamming in the table and I hear a slight crack. "And afterwards I will leave here, and I am never coming back." No one argues. I know there is nothing that will change his mind, they know it too. The only person who could, no longer exists._

_I still can't give up at tears spring into my eyes and I'm fighting Jacob._

_"Daddy—" I cry out suddenly, but my words are stopped when his face snaps around to meet mine, igniting the same burning pain in his eyes as before, but this time he holds it._

_"Everything that was once mine is now yours." His words are cold and emotionless. "That is all I can give you anymore." With that, he looks away, pushing from the table suddenly, standing to leave._

_I can't take it anymore—I jerk quickly before Jacob can stop me, rushing to wrap my arms around his legs, burying my face in his stomach. I'm sobbing against his shirt. "Daddy, no!" I sob. "Please don't go Daddy! Please!" I'm shaking. "Daddy please don't leave!" I'm screaming into the fabric. "I'm sorry, I'll be really good, I promise!" I plead but he doesn't move. "Daddy, I don't want you to go, please don't go, please!" _

_"Take her." Daddy's voice is cold._

_Warm arms are suddenly pulling me away making me kick and scream, sobbing. "No! I want Daddy!" He's still standing, staring straight ahead as Jacob pulls me up against his chest—his jaw stiff, his fists clenched at his side._

_"You will make the announcement tomorrow; give whatever explanation that you feel is necessary." He mutters darkly over my cries. "My only other demand is that at my viewing…the mourners be allowed to see my corpse." Several gasps are heard but no one speaks. _

_No one tries to stop him as he turns away to leave. He pauses in the door tilting his face slightly over one shoulder. "Let them look upon the face of the monster who truly took Bella's life and soul." And then he's gone._

_I scream._

The present world came back into view and I felt myself trembling, realizing that several cold fingers were brushing my arm. I blinked and the fingers disappeared making me realize that they had been seeing what Renesmee was showing me as well. I went over everything I had seen in my head, blinking at the questions.

"But he did come back." I commented still shaking. "Izzy said she saw him a few weeks ago, and that he'd signed up for school here again." I admitted, perplexed.

"He didn't stay long, only a few hours, he couldn't handle it." Jacob murmured. I blinked, my head was spinning.

"You said you finally saw him again two years ago. Where did he go before then?" I whispered looking at the others.

"We don't know." Jasper said softly. "Like we said we didn't see him for fifteen years." I gasped.

"After he'd been gone a year, we finally tried to find him." Emmet shook his head. "But we knew that if he didn't want to be found, then he wouldn't." I jerked my head slightly.

"But Alice-"

"At first he changed his mind so many times; I couldn't follow where he was headed." Alice shook her head sadly. "When he finally stopped, I couldn't tell where he was, it was dark, and he never once moved except to hunt, to keep the thirst from consuming him. For fifteen years he committed to staying in the dark where he would never have to see himself." I furrowed my brows. "He finally made a mistake." She admitted. "Something he remembered about his life with you pushed him to the brink; he was almost to the point of exposing himself to humans, letting them know what he was in hopes that they would try to destroy him, mimicking his plan from the last time when he went to the Volturi." She sighed and I shivered my mind touching on my second most painful memory of all time, those six months without Edward. "He took too long between the time that he made the decision, and when he actually tried to commit to it." She whispered. "I think he wanted us to stop him, to keep him from easing his own suffering as he saw it." She frowned. "I think…deep in his heart…he didn't want to hurt us." My chest was aching again.

"When we found him, he was curled up into a ball in one corner of a basement, of an abandoned house in northern Canada." Jasper sighed. "We had to carry him out of there, he wouldn't move on his own, but he didn't fight us either."

"He refused to return to Forks though." Emmet frowned. "So we took him to Denali. He didn't say a word the whole way there; he just stared blankly out the window."

"Even after we arrived." Carlisle added. "He still spoke to no one; instead he staggered out into one of the snow banks and collapsed to his knees, and didn't move for days. We weren't going to force him to do anything he didn't want to do, we'd just gotten him back, and he needed time." I nodded numbly.

"But he did come back." I pressed.

"Not until recently." Carlisle whispered. I was so confused. Hadn't he implied that Edward at some point had been the father to Renesmee that she deserved? So hadn't he returned to Forks sooner to see her?

"But you said that he…at first…with Renesmee-"

"Grandpa Carlisle and Jacob are right." Renesmee halted my words this time. "I went to see him in Denali, after they found him, because he wasn't going to come to Fork's to see me." She looked away. "Even though he was finally able to be around me…physically, he was never my father, in the sense that he was when you were alive." She took a deep breath. "I think…through what I've learned about his character, that in his own way of justifying everything…he blamed himself for my existence, and in turn it made it his fault that you had died to keep from killing me, to save something that _he _had inflicted upon you." I felt my legs quake suddenly, and I slid slowly to the ground. They all watched me with sympathetic eyes knowing better than to touch me.

"But you're his _daughter_." I blinked back the tears that were in my eyes. "He loves you." I looked up at her tear-filled eyes and she kneeled to level her gaze with mine. She was shaking her head sadly.

"He loves part of me, the part of you that is in me, but he hates seeing part of himself when he looks at me, he hates that part of me. I don't need to read minds to know that." Her words were so reasonable, so calm, compared to the meaning behind what she was saying. "Because he loathes himself so much." I closed my eyes.

"How could he?" I whispered, opening my eyes slowly to look upon her angelic face. "How could he hate something so beautiful?" I murmured reaching out touch her cheek. "How can someone be capable of so much love and so much hate all at once?" I whimpered.

"He's not." She whispered. "That's why he's turned into what he is now. No one was created to be able to feel those two emotions…to handle them both burning so strongly inside of them. That weight broke him, mentally, emotionally, spiritually; it broke him right down the middle, inside." She touched her chest. "You were the only thing holding him together, and when you were gone…he died…in every way that a being can, while still existing." I closed my eyes, silently shaking before I finally found the strength to open them again and look at the others.

"How is there any hope in salvaging his sanity?" I moaned weakly. "How can you honestly believe that I can fix _that _kind of damage?" They were all staring at me with horrified eyes. Rosalie was the only one who spoke.

"Because we _have to_." She said it firmly. "Because losing you is what did this to him, and the only way to reverse it, is obviously having you back in his life." She whispered. I felt myself pull an accusation that wasn't really intended from her words. Covering my face with my hands I leaned back, shaking.

"This is all my fault." I whispered. "I should have found another way; I should have thought it through." Renesmee grabbed my hands roughly, it was the first time I had ever seen her angry.

"No!" She sounded like Jacob had earlier. "We all saw through your own memories that there was no other way!" She railed. "You couldn't have thought through the thirst that had been brought out in you, no one should be able to, the fact that you were able to resist at all, is a miracle!" She wouldn't let me go. "I'm grateful that your love for Dad is what saved my life, I wish that I could be as self sacrificing as the two of you…but I'm not!" Her hold was starting to hurt and I must have accidentally shown her through my thoughts as memories from where she touched me because she suddenly released me. "I wish that I alone had been enough, but I wasn't." She continued softer. "I understand that, I understand the bond you two had, I understand that it alone was the only thing that could have broken Zachary's hold on you, if only for those few moments. I was just something that happened unexpectedly to complicate your lives- let me finish!" She saw that I was about to interrupt her. "I'm sorry, I truly am. I understand that you _do_ love me, that Dad does too, but I also understand that it's nothing compared to the way you love each other. I'm not bitter about it. I have two years of memories of having the most loving parents a person could dream of, and those are the memories I have clung to for seventeen years." She was suddenly quiet. "I don't regret my life, no matter how much I wish I could." She whispered.

"There has never been a moment that I have regretted having you." I whispered, leaning forward to touch her cheek again. "And there never will be." I sighed. "Edward is lying to himself, fooling himself into thinking and feeling that he does, but it's not real." I whispered. "I know his guilt, I know his unwavering loyalty to that guilt, but it's not real." I shook my head. "It's all based on a belief that he has convinced himself to believe in all of his life, a false, stupid, idiotic belief." I rolled my eyes. "The sooner he realizes that, the sooner we can be a family again." She blinked at me. "But it doesn't change the fact that all of this is my fault darling, and I have to fix it." I murmured.

"Mom?" She asked softly, her voice trembling. "You don't have anything to be sorry for." She whispered. "But if you really feel like you have to do something, to take the unnecessary guilt off your shoulders…" She looked at me from beneath her long lashes. "Make dad come home, please…" I nodded and pulled her to me to hug her once more.

"I will, I promise." I murmured. "I'll make everything right." We finally pulled apart, and I smiled reverently, noticing how much she'd blossomed into a young woman. I studied her curiously.

"What?" She smiled finally.

"Nothing." I shook my head. "It's just that…" I trailed off. The question seemed absurd for some reason.

"What is it?" She pressed softly.

"How old are you now?" I asked peculiarly. She grinned.

"_Technically_…" She laughed. "I'm 19. But Grandpa Charlie thinks I could pass for 16." I smiled and then her words hit me, making my eyes fly wide open.

"Oh God!" I gasped, feeling all the blood drain from my face.

"What!?" Everyone said it at once jumping close to me to see what was wrong.

"Charlie and Renee." I whispered. "And Phil." They looked like they understood what I was getting at, but I was sure they didn't.

"I'll explain it to them." Renesmee assured me worriedly. I blinked.

"They're still alive?" I whispered my voice tight.

"Of course they are!" Renesmee was suddenly laughing. "You haven't been dead for 50 years Mom." She was laughing at me. Great, now I'd become Renee. Silly old Mommy.

"I _know _that!" I muttered irritable. "I'm just saying…they're really old now, aren't they?" I eyed her warily.

"They're in their late 50's." She shrugged. "They don't _look_ that old." That suddenly caught me.

"You met Renee and Phil?" My eyes were wide.

"Of course." She said it like it was obvious.

"How'd that go?" I raised a brow.

"Charlie just explained to them that you and Dad adopted me before you had died, and that you'd been unsure about telling them." She smiled. "Renee didn't buy it though." My brows shot up in surprise. "So we figured with the Volturi gone, there wasn't any harm in finally telling Renee and Charlie the truth." I shrugged. "They took surprisingly better than we thought they would…considering."

I furrowed my brows not understanding. "Considering?"

"That you had died." She said gently.

"You didn't tell them how I— " I began, panicked.

"No, we just told them that you had died trying to protect us." She assured me.

I chewed on that for a moment. "What about Phil?"

"We kept our original cover story for his benefit." She explained.

"But you were growing so quickly." I whispered.

"Yeah…well…we kind of had to space out the visits. I was four." She grinned. "I looked like I was 11 when I first met them, so we just told them I was 8 when you adopted me, and then I didn't see them again until I was 6 because by then I'd started to age much slower and I could pass for a big, mature looking 13 year old." I raised a brow. "Renee came to visit on her own though."

"So when did you stop growing?" I whispered.

"When I was about 9." I furrowed my brows. "Evidently not all half vampire, half human being, age at the same rate." She grinned. "I kept _maturing _as a woman until I was 15, but I stopped aging when I was 9. Nahuel was a bit surprised." She grinned wider, and Jacob grunted, I fought a smile. "He obviously didn't pay attention to the way his sisters developed themselves, females have more things physically to accomplish before they're full grown, so we age slower." I smiled, because she was certainly a fully developed young woman. "We figured we'd wait until around this time before inviting Renee and Phil for another visit." I frowned suddenly. "What?"

"This is going to be difficult." I sighed.

"Like I said…I'll explain it to them." Renesmee assured me once more.

"That's not what I mean." I sighed, finally standing to lean my hip against the couch. "I have a whole other family. My mom, her name is Andrea, and I have a brother named Jared, and my _dad_…" I moaned trailing off. "What am I going to do? How am I going to juggle two families."

"You can tell them if you want Bella." Esme replied.

"They won't understand." I shook my head. "How can Charlie Renee and Phil accept that one, I'm suddenly alive, and two, that they now have to share me equally with another set of parents, that they are both my biological families." I sighed.

"I think explaining all of this to Dad is going to be the most difficult thing to accomplish by far." Renesmee frowned. "You can figure out the rest as it comes." I thought about that, as images of Edward began to surface again making my heart race. I took a deep breath preparing my next words.

"All we're missing now is one masochistic lion." I grinned, they all looked at me funny and I laughed. "Private joke between Edward and I." They laughed too, but it was that nervous laughter. "So…is someone going to call him? Or Alice…" I looked at her. "Do you know when he'll be back?" She concentrated for a moment, furrowing her brows.

"Not till the weekend." She frowned when she finally focused. "It'd hard to tell, he's so fuzzy." The others looked confused.

"Call him." I shrugged helplessly.

"I'll do it." Carlisle said softly.

I was suddenly imagining in my head, how that would go.

It played out in my head like an alternate reality making me cringe

Oh yes…_that _would have totallyworked. I rolled my eyes at myself.

I made a mental note to remind myself not to let my imagination run away with itself.I thought ruefully about calling Edward '_emo'_ in my imagination? The dual personalities really _were _going to my head. I giggled and everyone looked at me funny.

"I'm amusing myself." I waved them off. "Ignore me." Carlisle hesitated for a moment and then in an instant he was gone. I frowned. "I miss being able to do that." I sighed.

"Two more years…" Emmet patted my back suddenly.

"Thanks Em…how did I survive seventeen miserable years without your sparkling optimism?" I glared playfully at him and the others looked at me funny.

"The sarcasm is new." Jasper murmured, staring at me in awe.

"Perks of humanity." I sighed. "Must be from my _other _life." I grinned.

"Definitely your other life." Jacob teased.

"Watch it Wolf Boy." I glared playfully and then my eyes brightened. "That's kind of funny. _Wolf Boy…" _I trailed off with a smile. They were all watching me, looking slightly worried.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Alice asked and I sighed, my bubbly mood dissipated.

"No." I shook my head reaching up to rub my temples. "I think my head's having a hard time adjusting to everything." I frowned. "And I'm worried about Edward." I looked up at them all. "It's like I know he's in pain, like I feel empty and incomplete without him. I don't think I'll be ok until he is." They were silent, waiting patiently for me to explain. "Edward and I…are soul mates." They looked slightly uncomfortable, maybe overcome by my declaration.

"You believe that?" Emmet looked surprised more than doubtful.

"I believe in soul mates." I nodded affirmatively.

"And you think that's what you and Edward are?" Rosalie queried.

"I _know_ we are, otherwise _this…_" I motioned to myself. "Wouldn't be possible." Jacob hugged Renesmee to his side, sliding an arm around her waist and I was surprised how much it _didn't _bother me. I smiled warmly at the two of them as they watched me with sympathetic gazes.

"It would make sense…" Esme mused. "But the theory of soul mates has never been proven to be an actual possibility." I frowned. Carlisle's scientific nature was rubbing off on her.

"Soul mates are a theory based on faith." I acknowledged her skepticism. "I _believe_ in that theory. I choose to, I have to, that blind faith in the improvable is the only thing that makes sense of all of this." I explained.

"How so?" She mused.

"Edward once told me…He said 'For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours…all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet.'." Their mouths were all slightly ajar, I suppose they felt the weight of the meaning those words carried. "It's the same for me. In this new life, and in the one before, no one was ever able to capture my attention, or my heart, no one but Edward. Everything happens for a reason…" I let my gaze slide back to Jacob and he seemed…dismayed, by my statement. I paused.

"We were close Bells…" He let that statement linger in the air like something being hung out to dry.

"Yes, we were." I nodded. "But I chose Edward because he was really the _only_ choice." I sighed. "As if I ever really had a choice to begin with…" He still looked slightly wounded. "Jake, if you hadn't been there…" My plummet into raging waters flashed in my eyes. "I would be dead right now." I whispered. "When Edward left me, you were the only thing holding me together, the only thing that saved me from despair." I smiled sadly. "I'll never be able to tell you how much you really saved me." I whispered.

"You returned the favor." He grinned, and his eyes flashed with meaning.

"Not in quite the same way." I made a face.

"Still…I'd call us pretty much even." He smiled softly. I shook my head.

"Not even close." I sighed. "Edward later told me how you fought for my life the night I was changed. He told me, that if it hadn't been for you, pumping away at my chest to keep my heart beating, I may never have made it." He looked slightly detached and oddly pale as he seemed to be remembering that night. "You saved my life more than once Jake." I reminded him.

"I had too, we were connected." He whispered.

"Yes and that connection seems to have brought you a lot of happiness." I eyed Renesmee pointedly and he flashed me a proud grin, pulling her tighter to him.

"Yes it did." He looked at her suddenly, eyes alight with emotion, and her gaze mirrored his. "I understand now, why I never held a candle to your connection with Edward." He smiled softly looking at me. "When I look at Nessie, she's all I can see." I smiled.

"Like I said, there's a reason for everything." I murmured. "There's a _reason_ why Edward is a vampire." Everyone looked at me carefully. "If he'd only experienced a human existence, we would have never found each other." That thought made me feel cold. "In his immortality, there's a _reason_ why he never found anyone before. Like he said, I wasn't alive yet." I shrugged. "But when I did exist, the circumstances that brought me to Forks almost seemed fated. They still do. There's a _reason _why I'm standing here right now." I motioned around me. "When I met Edward for the first time, it was like we were supposed to notice each other." I smiled warmly remembering the first day I'd seen him enter the school cafeteria. "He's told me on several occasions how frustrating it was, especially that first day that he couldn't read my mind. If he had been able to, then I wouldn't have been anything spectacularly interesting to him, he would have just brushed my presences aside, the way he did everyone else. I wouldn't have been anything to him." I frowned, at the thought of that plane of reality. "He captured my interest too. His reaction, the frustration over me being a mental mute, the way he stared at me during those brief moments." I snickered. "I'm sure for the only time in his existence since he met me…that was when he actually pondered if there was something wrong with _him._" I grinned. "I empathize completely now, knowing what it's like to feel like your suddenly a slightly cracked egg, because you don't feel normal, like something's odd about yourself." I grinned. "I get to be all the slightly cracked eggs now." I eyed Alice and Jasper, wiggling my fingers in their direction teasingly, letting my amusement bleed into them.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" Jasper narrowed his eyes playfully.

"Immensely." I smiled. "Although, I don't think my version of it has the same potency." I thought on that. "Since it's only a mirror image, and not the real thing." I realized still the implication of its vast usefulness. "I don't think I can make it last as long as you can, or control it as well." His brows shot up. "Still…your ability's kind of nifty." I chirped. He grinned then looked serious.

"Don't abuse it." He warned me softly. My smile fell.

"I understand the superpower code." I sighed and they all looked miffed at my meaning. "With great power, comes great responsibility." I quoted the superhero mantra. They understood suddenly.

"Exactly." Jasper nodded in agreement.

"Anyway…" I picked up where I left off. "There were too many things about the two of us that drew us together. We were _made_ to capture each other's attention. The mystery surrounding him…" I chewed on that. "If he hadn't been a vampire, _I _may not have noticed _him. _He was too beautiful for words; he made me curious, always curious. His reaction to me intrigued me." I grinned ruefully remembering his reaction to me in Biology. "I couldn't understand why he hated me so much, he didn't even _know _me!" I exclaimed with a wild bewildered smile. The others looked confused; the idea that Edward had ever hated me must have boggled them. "He _did _hate me though." They looked slightly appalled. "He thought I was the devil's dark humorous way of trying to torture him." I laughed. "Because I'm _so_ scary looking, right? Rawr!" I made a mock sound of a growl. The others looked slightly amused. "It was because of my scent, because to him, the smell of my blood was stronger than anything he'd ever experienced. It hit him like nothing ever had before, and after almost a century of existence as an immortal, that's saying a lot." A thought struck me and I frowned angrily. "I missed his hundredth vampire birthday didn't I?" I muttered begrudgingly looking at the five Cullen's.

"You didn't miss much." Alice said drolly. "We don't really celebrate anymore. He doesn't like to be reminded that he survived another year when you didn't." I frowned.

"I'm not surprised. He's so stubborn." I sighed. "When he puts his mind to something, even being miserable, he doesn't do it halfway, he commits to it, and he never deviates from its pattern." I had to smile. _No one could ever accuse him of inconstancy or inconsistency._ I thought. They all suddenly went rigid, and my eyes widened as I realized why. "Did you all _hear _that?" I asked.

"Did you think the words inconstancy and inconsistency?" Jacob asked his voice tight. I nodded. "Then yeah, definitely heard that." I blinked. Uh-oh.

"But you didn't hear me rambling off in my head earlier?" I asked remembering their confused expressions. They all shook their head. "Hmmm, I'm going to have to be careful, this may start to get annoying if I can't turn it off and on."

"Yeah, but how did you _do_ that?" Jacob looked a little freaked out.

"The same way _I_ can do _this_." Renesmee finally spoke, poking Jacob's cheek gingerly, and he suddenly blushed. She let her hand drop after a moment and looked at me. "Maybe you can just do it from far away." She shrugged.

"But they were words not images Nessie." Jacob reminded her.

"Or maybe you already have dad's ability, but you can flip it." She shrugged again. I thought about that.

"But I haven't been anywhere near him since my abilities surfaced." I shook my head.

"If we're running with the soul mate theory…maybe you don't have to be near him." Esme mused out loud. "If soul mates are matching pieces, if you reflect each other, maybe you can already do the opposite of what he can." She explained. The dozens of times I had thought things, and people had turned to me, asking if I had spoken, hit me.

"Why can't I turn it off and on?" I asked softly. "I don't even know when I'm doing it." I whispered.

"We'll work out all the mechanics of it later." Rosalie waved off impatiently. "My old irritation with someone being more…special than I am, is starting to resurface, so let's move on." She glowered. I furrowed my brows confused.

"More special?" I asked.

"I can't do anything special, and you can do _everything._" She explained. My eyes widened in shock, and laughter broke from me.

"_You_ can't do anything _special_?" I laughed, she looked insulted. "Rose, you're absolutely gorgeous…" Her eyes suddenly softened. "If goddess like beauty isn't special, I don't know what is." I continued to laugh softly. Emmet grinned proudly and put his arm around her.

"I couldn't have said it better myself." He smiled. "How lucky am I that she wants to be with me?" He looked love struck suddenly, not a very Emmet-like expression. Rosalie's eyes turned to him slowly, and a wide look of adoration filled her face.

"I love you." She whispered kissing his cheek tenderly.

"And I love you." He smiled pressing his lips to her forehead. The warmth radiating out of them was suddenly suffocating. I choked and everyone turned worried eyes to me as I put a hand to my throat and swallowed as the heat dissipated.

"I felt that." I smiled nervously. "It was a little overwhelming." I murmured.

"_See_…" Jasper eyed me pointedly. I frowned.

"Don't you mean, _feel_?" I grinned, this time he narrowed his eyes.

"Ha ha." He said mockingly. I only smiled.

"Where was I?" I brought us back to my story.

"Your scent." Esme reminded me.

"Oh yeah!" I nodded. "There were so many things about Edward that _made _me take notice of him. I always had the strange ability to attract abnormal things, and I was always unusually aware of them, and curious about them. Since the first day I saw him, he's been all I've ever thought of ever since." I looked down. "Except in this life before I remembered everything." I whispered. "But his reactions, the way he made me feel when he was around me…it's like he acted the perfect way he needed to, to capture me so completely, that I couldn't let the need to unravel the mystery of him go. I was almost obsessed with the addiction to pry his secrets from him." I made a face. "He was drawn to me too; he tried to explain how he'd rationalized it all to himself once." I tried to remember his words. "Something about a mischievous sprite, hell bent on forcing me into his path, to make noticing me inescapable." They all looked strangely shocked or confused. "He has an odd way of thinking things through; his mind really is slightly abnormal. At least his thought process is." I laughed. "He told me how he thought I'd been created just for him, how my blood was made, too strong for him to keep away from me, to make him want me more than anything he'd ever wanted before." I felt blood rush to my face. "My mind was closed to him, driving him absolutely insane, the only person he couldn't read, and it made him want to figure me out, to make him want to know me." I laughed remembering his million questions. "He grilled me for days, trying to get me to tell him all the things he couldn't just pluck from my mind. It almost felt like he was interrogating my existence." My eyes flickered to Rosalie. "I was insecure, unaware of how others viewed me, and to him it made me beautiful." I sighed feeling warmth flood me, my stomach quivering slightly. "I never could understand why someone as breathtaking as Edward, wanted someone as plain as me." I smiled ruefully. "We were both a challenge to each other, both of us trying to overcome our own doubts; we had to literally fight rational instincts to be together." I shook my head. "He tried to fight with himself; he tried to convince me to stay away from him, but I couldn't. He tried to tell me that it was for my own good, better for me if I didn't know him the way we both wanted me to." Esme smiled wistfully. "Typical Edward?" I asked with a smile.

"Always so noble." She nodded.

"Like I said… nauseatingly self-sacrificing." Rosalie smirked crossing her arms, Emmet nudged her gently. She smiled slyly.

"No, she's right; he is, although I'd say irritatingly self-sacrificing." I ground out rolling my eyes. "He always doubted his restraint, he was so afraid that he'd hurt me. Then he was always fighting the inevitable fact that one day I was going to be just like him. He refused to accept it. He tried to keep it from happening, as if he thought he could will the truth away. He thought he could will away our desire for each other, but neither of us could stay away from the other. Oh, but he tried, he tried really hard to stay away from me." I looked up and Alice smirked.

"Oh believe me…I know." She laughed. "He tried, but he couldn't." She grinned. "I tried to tell him…that for once something I saw was actually set in stone." She smiled ruefully. "He didn't like that very much."

"I know." I muttered with a dark scowl, crossing my arms childishly in a pout. "He was so against it, because of some ridiculous notion that I would be damned for eternity." I rolled my eyes. "He thought if he turned me, then like him, I would lose my so-" My eyes flew wide as I gasped, and realization hit me harder than Zachary's pull on my thirst ever could. I was suddenly suspended in the light of some strange unsettling, overwhelming consciousness; it felt too real to be anything other than the absolute infinite truth. Memories flew though me, every specific detail heightened as my entire existence flashed across my mind, the pieces of it all, flying together, like broken glass, unshattering itself. They were all suddenly stiff because of my reaction.

"Mom?" Renesmee asked worriedly. "What's wrong?" I slid to the floor in one smooth motion, sinking to my knees as my hands covered my face. How had I missed the little clues? All the intricate details that explained it all before, but I'd been too blind to notice. It was all some masterful conspiracy, since the beginning of Edward's existence, everything had been destined to happen the way it had.

"Bella!" My name was shouted from a million directions. I shook my head.

"I should have seen…" I mumbled against my palms. "I should have realized…"

"Realized what darling?" It was Esme, she was right beside me. I pulled my hands away and my eyes met seven pairs of anxious gazes.

"All this time, I thought it was just our love, our souls that made our bond so strong. But it's so much more." I whispered, my eyes found Esme, sliding then to Alice and Jasper, then to Rosalie and Emmet. "There's a _reason _why I died." I whispered, Esme leaned away at my words and the others looked horrified. "Edward thinks he's damned, that he's lost his soul because of what he is." I blinked at my own wisdom, and their faces changed to shock. I looked down at my fingers. "He doesn't believe there is anything waiting for him, on the other side of his life, he's convinced that he's banished from Heaven for all eternity." Their faces looked more than horrified, as if they were just now considering that fact for themselves. "That's always been his greatest suffering, far beyond the idea of losing me." I looked at my hands, where they rested on my thighs, noticing suddenly that they were wet with my tears. "Losing me only made that torture greater, because he believes that the day his life ends, that we won't be together again." I looked up at them with more tears in my eyes. "I vowed long ago, after he admitted this revelation of his, to me, that I refused to even contemplate how a belief that idiotic was possible." I shook my head.

"Bella…" Esme said softly but I stopped her.

"I know, it's rude, to refer to him as anything other than intelligent, but it was the stupidest thing I'd ever heard. He lost several intelligent points in my book every time he brought it up." I frowned as more tears fell. "I realized when he looked at me, after telling me his theory, with eyes so tortured and pained, that I wouldn't want to exist in any plane of reality, mythology, or spirituality where fate would be so infinitely cruel as to take Edward's soul because he was saved from not being physically animated by the beating of his heart." They all slowly sank into random seats around me. "I didn't want to have ever existed if it were true." I didn't know if they could feel weak in the knees, if that was why they suddenly slid bonelessly into their various sitting positions, because I had never felt that sensation as an immortal myself, except when Edward had been touching me, kissing me, or looking at me. "I vowed to myself." I continued. "That if there was a God, and he truly knew Edwards heart, knew what guilt and remorse, and unyielding affection he was capable of, and was still able to damn him for all eternity, if he knew how much I loved Edward, and was able to see him through my eyes, and was still able to turn his back on Edward's soul, then I was turning my back on God, and in my mind he didn't deserve to exist either." I fisted my hands in my lap. "If Edward truly had lost his soul because of that, then God didn't really exist for that matter and therefore Edward's soul had never really existed to begin with and neither had mine." I was suddenly angry remembering how I'd felt before my current revelation. "If Edward was damned, then so was I. That's just the way it was. I would be whatever he was. Alive, dead, undead, soulful, soulless, good, evil, vampire, human, they were all the same thing as what I was, whatever Edward was. We were a package deal, a combo, as far as I was concerned. You didn't get one without the other. End of story." I stared at them all intently. "None of that, matters now, none of it is true." The all still looked stricken.

"I don't understand…" Jasper whispered.

"None of it matters…?" Alice trailed off. "What do you mean none of its true?" Their voices were soft, almost choked whispers.

"I don't have to worry about turning my back on the idea of Heaven anymore, it's all real. It has to be…" I let it trail off.

"What are you saying?" Esme gasped more in anticipated shock than horrified realization.

"You don't see the proof?" I asked wildly.

"Proof?" She sounded distant, her eyes unfocused.

"That soul mates are _real._" I whispered shaking my head as I smiled softly to myself. "_I_ even told Edward…on our honeymoon. I said 'Don't be afraid. We belong together.' And it's true, we were meant for each other." I murmured looking across their faces slowly. "We can't exist without each other." I realized the truth of my own words all over again. "We're _supposed _to be together." I whispered. "I died…so that Edward would understand that, so that he would _see, _that even death can't keep us apart." A heavy weight of awareness descended upon me suddenly. "I was a vampire and I died." Some of their eyes twitched slightly at the reminded. "If I had lost my soul the night Renesmee was born, then I wouldn't be here, with all my memories of both lives intact, if I weren't indeed the same person in both lives. I died, and yet here I am. How would this be possible, if I really had no soul when I died, as Edward believed?" I whispered and their eyes slowly rose in some ghastly form of fearful hope. "I died so that I could restore Edward's faith in the existence of his own soul." I looked at them all again. "He thinks we lose our souls when we become immortal. In God's great mercy, I think he brought me to him, to show him that that's simply not true." I slid my gaze back up to meet theirs. "Because my soul couldn't bear to be parted from Edwards."

"Carlisle was right…" Rosalie let her blank statement vanish in the air.

"Yes!" Understanding hit me so suddenly; it was like a battering ram inside of me. "Our love still needed to prove to Edward, his humanity, and that he wasn't damned!" I jumped up suddenly and they all actually looked surprised by my actions. "That's how I'm going to save him. I've got to show him that this is true, that's why I'm here." I said excitedly. "With Renesmee's ability I can show him that it's true!" My eyes flew to her suddenly before I whirled to face the others. "It's all meant to be. Edward and I were _supposed_ to meet; Jacob was _supposed _to reveal his secret, we were _supposed_ to fall in love despite the odds against us!" I looked a Jacob where he was holding Renesmee unusually tight against him, his eyes wide. "Jake and I were _supposed_ to become close, so that he would keep me safe when Edward couldn't, so that he could keep me alive." His eyes softened at the reminder. "I mean, what takes the place of a vampire better than a werewolf when it comes to brute strength?" I grinned and he let a smile touch his lips. "Edward was _supposed_ to get me pregnant, despite the impossibility of it all. We were _supposed_ to have a daughter with _her_ particular talent." I motioned to Renesmee before turning to settle my eyes onto Esme and Rosalie. "And Rosalie and Esme were _supposed_ to have the compassion to keep them from taking her away before she had a chance to exist." Their faces melted into the softest expressions of love suddenly. "Jake was _supposed_ to save my life the night she was born, to make sure she survived too. He was _supposed_ to imprint on her, to keep her safe when Edward and I couldn't." I blinked suddenly. "I was _supposed_ to become a vampire too." They all looked slightly worried. "Don't you see? As a vampire, according to Edward, I no longer had a soul, so when I died…" I trailed of looking down chewing on my bottom lips slowly before my serious eyes rose to slam into theirs intently. "I was _supposed_ to _die_." I said with conviction. "To die, and be reborn. It proves that I had a soul even as a vampire doesn't it?" I asked looking at them all pointedly and they nodded numbly. "And I was born with my new ability to absorb abilities, so that I could absorb _hers…_" I motioned to Renesmee. "Jacob kept her safe so that she would survive to see me again, and Edward's capacity for guilt kept him from destroying himself, from following into death after me. So that this would all be possible." I was breathing harshly. "So that I could show him…that this was all supposed to happen the way it did, it was all predestined…fated…it was destiny…it was all meant to be!" They looked slightly startled. "It all makes sense now, it feels so right, so perfect, that there can be no other explanation." I whispered. They were all silent for a good ten minutes, absorbing all of my words fully. Finally, and I should have expected, a warm voice broke the silence.

"You think _God,_ did all of this on purpose?" Jacob sounded skeptical and slightly hesitant.

"You have a better explanation?" I retorted mockingly.

"No." He smirked amused. "I'm just saying it's all a little farfetched isn't it?" He smiled and I frowned. "They could just be random coincidences." He shrugged. I blinked at him.

"You're okay with that?" I asked skeptically. "You're fine with believing that this all, is just the way life is, nothing special?" I asked wildly.

"Sure." He shrugged.

"After all you've seen Jake, after all we've been through, how can you believe that? You're just resigned to the fact, that one day, you and my daughter will die, and that that will be it?" His face changed suddenly. "You don't wish for more, than just one life time with her?" I whispered and he looked suddenly tormented at that thought. "How can you be content believing this is all there is?" I asked softly. He shook his head slowly.

"I'm not." He was laughing nervously now. "But even if all you're saying is true, as least the way I'd put it, wouldn't sound like a sermon from a religious nut job." He grinned teasingly. I narrowed my eyes.

"Jake," I sighed. "Just because I'm passionate about what I believe, and it includes a theory about God, doesn't make me religiously obsessive." His face went blank. "Have a little faith, why don't you?" I winked teasingly.

"In what?" He barked with laughter. "Your theory, or your sanity?" I glared dangerously at him.

"I hope he hits you with a lightning bolt for making fun of me, and your fur is permanently fluffed out three feet for a whole month." I threatened. He laughed harder. Renesmee looked appalled. My own words made me giggle. "Actually, that'd be pretty funny." I smirked.

"Yeah it would." Emmet laughed and I grinned.

"Who'll be afraid of the big bad wolf, then?" I snickered, eyeing Jacob again. "I'll start referring to you as poodle boy." The rest of the room suddenly howled with laughter as my words broke the sober mood. I was laughing so hard that I doubled over, as tears sprang forth, blurring my vision, laughter shaking my frame. I wiped beneath my eyes with the back of my hand as I straightened, giggling, but Carlisle's rigid frame from across the room froze me in place. The others noticed the direction of my gaze and turned to see what I was looking at.

"Did you hear it all?" Esme was suddenly at his side, and he hugged her close, nodding stiffly.

"Yes." His voice was tight. "Explanations crossed my mind, when she first showed up, ideas of this possibility, but I never imagined…" He trailed off, his voice was almost reverent. "I heard most of it while I was on the phone, he couldn't make out the words or the voices though. He thought it was just the rest of the family. I actually rushed my conversation with Edward so that I could return." He whispered and my heart constricted painfully. Was Edward on his way? I didn't have time to ask.

"It's a lot of information to process." Jacob said suddenly. "It's seems so complicated, almost too elaborate…" He trailed off and I looked at him sharply, but not angrily.

"Tell me that one thing I said doesn't make sense." I asked seriously. "Tell me what more proof you need to convince you that it's true." I whispered. He was silent. The others looked contemplative, their faces formed into expressions of careful study.

"I think you may be right." Jasper whispered suddenly looking up.

"Not may be," Alice interjected. "She _is_ right."

"We have souls?" Rosalie asked with a high breathless whisper. "We aren't…damned?" She finished and the others looked at her slowly. I nodded, a sudden grin blooming, anticipated excitement coursing my veins.

"Maybe, Edward wasn't the only one, who needed to be convinced." I looked at them all, and they looked at me, nodding slowly. "I mean, it's a rational human concept to struggle with the idea of your own mortality, your fear of not existing, to struggle with doubt in faith. Is it not?" I whispered with wide eyes and they all seemed so focused on me suddenly. "Look at the comparisons you can make though…I mean, think about it, and think about the basic assumptions about creationism, about the creator himself." They looked perplexed by my turn in direction, Carlisle looked intrigued. "God doesn't have a heartbeat, he doesn't breathe, and he doesn't sleep…like vampires, he is an entity that simply exists. You're senses are all heightened, speed, reflexes, vision, hearing, sense of smell, and you're nearly indestructible aren't you?" They all blinked at me, even Carlisle seemed stunned. "I'm not saying vampires are Gods." I waved off what I thought they had assumed I meant. "Maybe vampirism is like the step above humanity, a step closer to being more godlike, more perfectly formed in his image than before, but still human in every other way." Their brows furrowed. "You can still love; you're still capable of compassion and rage, vanity and greed, every human emotion, you still have free will, the choice to make this life what you wish to." I explained. "You all chose to retain your humanity, you made the choice, that even though you could have given in to your darker nature, just like humans can, that you didn't want to. You didn't want to be monsters." I whispered. "He gave you all the thirst, to test you, to let you decide to give in to temptation or learn to resist it. He gave you that choice." I said firmly. "He had faith in you all, to make the right choice, in your fear to distance yourselves from him, even if you doubted him." They were all nodding wordlessly. "And after showing such faith in him, how could he not reward that faith?" I asked sympathetically when I noticed that they all looked like they wanted to cry. "I'm not a messenger from God, because he's giving me the message too. Even if you aren't religious, you can't dispute the truth of it all." I looked back to Jacob, he was trembling. "And those others…the ones who chose to detach themselves from their faith in him, the ones who abused God's gift, and mocked his faith in them…they're just lost." I noticed suddenly that each couple hugged themselves together tightly, and they _looked,_ like they were all actually trembling. "I was once told that God loves his creations too much to banish them from him forever, he simply lets them pull away, waiting for the day when they will come back to him." I was almost sure that they were all crying now, wordless sobs as they turned to hug each other. "You're some of the most compassionate people I know, how could he turn any of you away, how could you not have souls?" I asked. Carlisle looked up slowly from Esme's shaking frame to stare at me with a determined, grateful expression.

"Thank you Bella." He whispered. "Thank you so much, for everything…" He choked suddenly and returned his attention to Esme. I took in the four pairs around me. From where Carlisle stood holding Esme in his tight embrace, to Jacob where he was holding Renesmee on his lap, cradled against his chest, rocking her slowly. Jasper leaned his forehead against Alice's, cradling her face in his hands, his honey colored hair framing her cheeks, and beside them Emmet rested a comforting arm across Rosalie's shoulder as she snuggled deeper into the curve of his body, her face hidden in the dip of his neck and shoulder. I chewed on my bottom lip carefully.

"I missed not being able to cry when I was a vampire, it's so inconvenient, don't you think?" I mused out loud and muffled laughter whispered from around me.

"I'm glad I seemed to have gotten the best of both worlds." Renesmee looked at me, smiling softly, resting her head against Jacob's chin. Her eyes suddenly went wide with excitement. "Mom!" She cried happily and the others finally pulled apart to look at her. "Jacob and I are getting married! Now you'll get to see it!" She squealed excitedly. Jacob cringed as if waiting for my reaction, I think he expected me to still disapprove of their relationship, but my expression said otherwise. I was shocked.

"I'm surprised you waited so long." I whispered softly. A grin suddenly broke both of their faces.

"Nessie wanted to wait until she was around the same age as you were when you married Edward." He explained smiling.

"I wanted to wear your dress." She said sheepishly, that made a fearful thought strike me.

"My ring!" I shouted and they _all _jumped. "The ring Edward gave me when he proposed; I was wearing it when I dove into the flames!" My voice was tight in terror. Renesmee slowly slid from Jacob's arms to come to stand before me.

"I retrieved it, after they put the flames out." She whispered offering me an upward palm. "I don't know if you want to see…" She trailed off. I nodded wordlessly meeting her eyes and slowly my palm rose until it touched hers, and visions swam behind my eyes.

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So guys, thoughts, comments, complaints?


	9. Nostalgia

**UPDATE: I am currently rewriting this chapter. I had a previous version that was longer and included scenes that are not in this version, but I thought it had tragically been deleted or misplaced on another hard drive. Luckily not only was it not only NOT deleted but it wasn't even lost either, it had somehow been saved under the incorrect title and in the wrong folder. Yes, I'm an idiot. After recovering it, I have decided that I cannot leave this chapter the way it is. I am merging the two...which will make this chapter very, _very _long, but it will also add more clarity to many questions some of you may have. I will not be updating the next chapter until I have corrected this version...yeah, I know...I suck. Please bear with me, I will make it up to you soon, promise!**

First of all, thank you for the lovely reviews, they mean the world to me!

Second, when you get a chance please check out **EmmaJH's Twilight Remashed ** www{dot}fanfiction{dot}net/s/9070490/1/Twilight-Remashed It is hysterical!

I hope you all enjoy this chapter coming up because it will be the last easy chapter that I will post, from here on out, the hard part starts...you know what I mean.

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I saw the flames again, seeing them through her eyes, and then on one side of the pool of fire, I saw Edward on his knees, trying to scream, his eyes wide in silent terror, clutching desperately at his neck, as he reached out wordlessly. I was vaguely aware of the itching burn in my own throat, as my eyes slid to where he was facing, across the inferno to when I stood, Zachary's back facing my vision, his hands on my upper arms.

"No!" He snarled shaking my lax form roughly, and I saw myself as I flexed my arms, flinging his hands away from me effortlessly, a cool smile on my lips. "This can't be! It's impossible!" He screamed enraged, reaching out to take hold of fistfuls of my shirt, jerking me to him.

"No." I smiled softly grabbing his wrists slowly, shaking my head, my bright red eyes full of some strange compassion. I saw my gaze flicker over his shoulder to the fire a few feet behind him, and then they slid slowly upward, over the blaze, my eyes catching Edward's across the pit of flames, letting it linger for a brief moment, filling with love and sorrow, before they slid slowly back to lock on Zachary's face. "It's love." I whispered. Then I shoved him backwards, catching him off balance as I gripped his wrists to my chest, before wrapping my body against his, my arms encompassing his waist, so that he couldn't break my hold. I pulled him with me as I rushed ahead, towards the flames, and then I dove forward, down, disappearing into the inferno, letting it engulf us both. I felt Renesmee's fear wash over me, feeling what she felt as she watched this, horrified.

The thirst receded slowly and I suddenly noticed, Emmet, Jasper, Carlisle and Esme holding Edward's struggling form, dragging him away from the flames. His eyes were crazed in desperation and fury, grief and pain.

"Bella!" He screamed it so loud I thought my ears would shatter. "Bella!" He shrieked breaking away for a moment, racing his way back to the flames, but the others reached him before he'd even made it half way across. "No! Let me go!" He screamed. "She's burning alive! She's burning!" He clawed at the ground, pulling up chunks of stone. "No! Let _go_!" He managed to shove Emmet away for a brief moment but he was holding him back down in a split second. "No! Bella! No!" He thrashed against them, shaking his head wildly. "I can save her! Let me go!" He kicked his legs wildly. "I have to get her out!" He went wild, lashing out at them, trying to break their hold, swinging blind punches until Jasper and Carlisle grabbed his arms to pull them behind his back. "No! Let me go!" He screamed as Emmet hugged his arms around him. "_Let me go_!" He cried as Esme pushed with her palms against his chest. "No!" They held him for a long moment as he continued to scream, pleadingly, desperately, brokenly. "Please! I have to save her!" He fought them still, even when the moment passed when it was obviously too late, he still tried to break free.

"Edward!" Carlisle shouted close to him. "Edward!" His voice softened when Edward's eyes flickered to him briefly. "There's nothing you can do for her." Carlisle whispered leaning close to him, and Edward's struggles lessened, as all the terrible agony of this fact filled his eyes. "She's gone." His eyes suddenly blackened, they were dead, soulless, and his body went limp beneath their hands, staring straight ahead, seeing nothing.

"No…" The strained broken whisper echoed across the room. Dozens of eyes were on him, sorrow filled expressions echoed across their faces. The room was dead silent, the only evidence of life, was the sound of the life devouring flames, crackling mockingly, seemingly licking their lips as they rejoiced in their latest meal. I felt tears on my own face, as Renesmee dropped to her knees, everyone's gaze but Edward's slid to her crumpled form. He was still staring blankly detached into the dancing fire. Renesmee was in Rosalie's arms in an instant as she lifted her, cradling her head atop a hard, blood soaked shoulder. She sobbed, her arms going around her neck.

"Momma!" She cried, tears spilling down her cheeks to mix with the blood. "Momma!" She screamed, sobbing. Then Jacob was there, taking her into his arms, holding her tightly against him, sinking slowly to the ground with her in his arms, tears flowing freely over his own grief stricken expression.

"Should we put the flames out?" There was a voice suddenly and Renesmee's head lifted to watch as a woman with long strawberry blond hair reached out to touch Carlisle's shoulder, tearing his attention away from Edward. Tanya. Carlisle nodded wordlessly, never taking his hands from Edward's arm, and dozens of forms blurred across my vision, returning, what seemed like moments later, with large barrels of water, before dumping them in a synchronized motion atop the flames. The fire sizzled and died down slowly, but never vanished completely. They repeated the process several times until the flames gurgled, steam hissing upward from the deep mouth of the opening. As the air slowly cleared, Renesmee slid slowly from Jacob's embrace, taking his hand, pulling her with him, as she crossed to stare down into the darkness, it seemed almost bottomless. I realized suddenly that the darkness was clearing and I studied Renesmee's far away reflection in the shallow pool of water nearly 50 feet down. She furrowed her brows noticing four blackened steel circles protruding oddly out from the still surface. She looked at Jacob, squeezing his hand softly, letting the visual question pass into him.

"I don't know." He whispered, his voice still tight, shaking his head. She looked up slowly, her brows furrowing as she noticed four hooks that hung from retracting chains from the ceiling.

"Bring them down." Eleazar said firmly from the other side of the edge. There were quick movements, and suddenly the grating sound of metal was heard, as the chains descended downward until the hooks slid over the metal loops and locked into them. "Pull it up." I stared blindly as slowly the tall circled spikes rose higher from the water. There was nothing else at first, and then I saw, large wet lumps of blackened ash, rising slowly, and beneath them suddenly, there was a large circled screen filling the entire expanse of the hole, water dripping like rain from it. It was like a flat strainer, as black gobs dripped through it, to fall with loud splashing plunks, back into the water. There was nothing left but those wet mounds of charred remains. Everyone dropped their heads, Edward moaned from far away in a long painfully aching cry of despair. "Put it back, he doesn't need to see this." Eleazar whispered softly. Something caught my eye, reflecting from one of the smaller piles, as it began to lower slowly again.

"Wait!" Renesmee cried, and the motion jerked to a sudden halt, this time Edward's eyes actually focused on her as she ripped her hand from Jacob's, scrambling forward to take a step cautiously off the edge and onto the screen.

"Nessie!" Jacob cried reaching for her.

"She's fine." Eleazar assured him quickly and he let her go. With slow steady steps, she made her way over to the pile with the gleaming fragment, kneeling slowly, feeling squishy wetness soak the knees of her jeans. With careful fingers, she reached forward, grimacing at the feel of the dark, warm, mushy, paste against her fingers. She curled her fingers around the metal, feeling something solid in her palm as she pulled it away, wiping the black muck from it slowly, as if she were petting a frightened animal, afraid it would flee at her touch. When she'd cleaned it enough to make out what it was, I realized it was my ring. She held it up as tears welled in her eyes, sliding her gaze to meet Edward's. There was frozen horror on his face, before it twisted into the deepest, darkest, facet of agonizing grief I had ever witnessed. Then he screamed, the sound ripped from his chest it seemed, filling the room with a resounding bellow of suffering and pain.

The image disappeared suddenly and I realized I was shaking. I shook off the memory, my eyes focusing on Renesmee again, she watched me with tears in her own eyes before throwing herself at me again, sobbing against my neck. I held her to me.

"Mom." She sobbed brokenly; the others were watching us with pain filled eyes. They knew what she had shown me. I nodded into her hair.

"I know darling." I murmured, rubbing her back, stroking her hair gently. "I know." I whispered before pulling her away to meet her eyes. "But I'm here now, and I'm never going to leave you again." I murmured, she nodded reaching up to swipe at the tears. Something light and cool touched my fingers making me look down to examine them, startled when I found that my ring had been restored to its rightful place. I could feel the warmth that washed through me as I inspected it carefully, smiling softly, I didn't even need to look up. "Thanks Alice." I murmured reaching out blindly with my right hand and hers was immediately there holding it, with a gentle squeeze. I sighed as my eyes slowly slid to the others. "I'm assuming none of the Volturi survived?" I asked raising a brow.

Carlisle stepped forward with his hands clasped behind his back.

"Aro was the only one left still…partially alive." He grimaced. "The others had all been dealt with. We let Edward decide upon whatever justice he wanted for him." He took a deep breath. "It's better that you don't see that." He said meeting my eyes. "Edward wasn't himself; I've never seen him so cruel." My eyes widened. "Not that Aro didn't deserve his fate, a thousand times over…" He trailed off and I nodded looking to Renesmee with a smile.

"No one takes my baby away from me and gets away with it." I grinned and she laughed through her tears before going back to Jacob's arms. I sighed. "I take it, that with the Volturi destroyed, that's why you don't have to be as careful with your ah…notability, as much as you did before? That's why you decided to come back and go to school?" I whispered.

"We debated long and hard over the decision." Carlisle nodded. "We thought being back where Edward spent his life with you, would heal him." I thought on that.

"Impeccable timing." I grinned. "Just another coincidence Jake?" I asked eyeing him teasingly. He narrowed his eyes playfully.

"Drop it already." He muttered. "I believe you." I met his eyes for a long moment, realizing he meant it before I slid my gaze back to Carlisle.

"Did you speak to Edward?" I whispered, my heart pounding suddenly.

"Yes." He said it blankly.

"What is it?" My voice was suddenly tight in fear as he spoke.

"He's on his way." He murmured. I swallowed hard and nodded. "You should probably start practicing with your shield, he'll be here soon." He whispered. "He was already on his way when I called him; he's not even in Alaska anymore." My eyes flew wide, but it wasn't me that erupted suddenly.

"That's impossible, I didn't see him!" Alice shouted alarmed.

"Seth Clearwater is with him, it may have disrupted your vision slightly." Carlisle explained and she suddenly looked taken aback before looking to Jacob.

"You knew he was going to meet him?" She asked calmly. Jacob furrowed his brows.

"I knew he was going to see him, I didn't know they would be traveling together." He seemed perplexed. I furrowed my brows.

"I hope through your connection as his Alpha he can't read your mind and know that I'm here." I muttered darkly crossing my arms. "Otherwise Edward will know too." I added. He shook his head quickly.

"I cut off my thoughts like Carlisle told me to." He grinned. "Perks of being an Alpha." I looked back to Carlisle slowly.

"How am I going to know if I can project my shield still?" I asked. "No one here has mental abilities, they're all physical." I whispered. "And I can't block Nessie's."

"You can block Jasper's ability now, we'll practice with his." His eyes moved to Jasper's and he slowly stood crossing to room to the farthest wall away from everyone. "Do you remember how?" He asked raising a challenging brow.

"Oh, I remember everything." I reminded him with playful irritation. "Let's give it a try." I shrugged looking at Jasper.

"I'm going to try an emotion, any preferences?" He asked.

"Something good, make them all abnormally happy or something." I shrugged. "I don't want to have to save everyone from acute depression." I smirked and he laughed.

"Ok." Jasper nodded. "Edward told me how Kate had you do this last time, everyone raise your hand when you feel normal." They all nodded, waiting patiently and suddenly the room filled with warmth, I pushed it back and everything cooled again. Everyone's faces took on a dreamlike quality, blissful, content. I pushed outward and there was a slight resistance, but I managed to expand my shield like I had as a vampire, it touched Jacob and Renesmee first and their hands went up. Rosalie and Emmet were next, then Alice, Esme and finally Carlisle. It was simple, it made me suspicious.

"That was almost too easy." I sighed when Jasper let the emotions recede so that I could call my shield back to me.

"That's not a bad thing Bella." Jasper smiled.

"I know." I nodded still frowning as I sank into the cushions of the couch, I was tired of ending up on the floor.

"What's wrong?" Jacob's voice whispered. I looked at him slowly letting my fear fill my eyes.

"Is this even going to work?" I whispered. "Or am I just going to torture him more?" I felt my eyes suddenly well with tears. Jacob came to kneel in front of me slowly, resting his hands on my knees.

"Bells, it's going to be all right." He murmured looking wholly sincere. "He'll understand-"

"I don't want him to understand!" I said sharply. "I want him to believe." I whispered. They were all silent and suddenly when a loud noise erupted from the pocket of my hoodie. My heart thudded to a halt and my eyes went wide as I slipped my phone out slowly to read the caller ID.

_Mom calling…_

I sucked in a breath before meeting the curious gazes of the others. "You all are going to have to find a way to go along with the lie I'm about to tell because I don't have time to make up a more believable or convenient story." I murmured and they nodded without hesitation as I flipped the phone open putting it to my ear.

"Hey mom." I tried to sound chipper but it came out in a guilty whisper.

"Where are you? I thought you were going to hang out with Izzy?" She murmured quickly. "I called Mrs. Chaney and she said you weren't with Izzy." She was mad.

"I ran into a friend from Spoons." I looked at Alice and she tried to hide an amused smile. "You remember Alice Cullen?" I knew she wouldn't remember any of my friends from Spoons because I didn't have any friends in Spoons so it was a safe lie. "Her family moved to Forks too, she invited me over to meet the rest of her family, so that I know more people when school starts." I said it all quickly.

"Cullen?" Her voice was soft. "Is she Dr. Cullen's daughter?" She asked quickly.

"Yeah." I breathed. "I met him this afternoon." I murmured. Carlisle raised a brow and I shook my head in response.

"I've heard a lot of strange things about that family." She warned.

"Mom, it's nothing, just a bunch of superstitious crap." I sighed. "They're really nice people, they just have a lot in common with another family that used to live here, and everyone in town is spooked. I told you it's just nonsense." I assured her. She was silent for a moment.

"Alice, has brothers and sisters doesn't she?" She pressed. I smiled. Technically…Rosalie was her only sister, but being married to Edward in a previous life made me family too. I wasn't going to tell my mom that though, that wouldn't go over too well.

"Yeah, they're all adopted, three brothers and a sister." Alice raised two fingers slyly and I rolled my eyes. _I know. _I thought out to her and she grinned wider.

"Will they be going to school with you too?" She asked, she almost sounded shocked.

"Yeah, they're all enrolled. They moved here a few weeks before we did." I explained. She was quiet again.

"Is Dr. Cullen there right now?" She asked suddenly. I sucked in a breath, looking at Carlisle questioningly and he nodded.

"Yes, would you like to speak to him?" I asked calmly.

"If he doesn't mind." Carlisle was already beside me with an outstretched hand.

"Here he is." I said before handing him the phone.

"Dr. Swan." He smiled politely the way he had when I'd first arrived. I glowered when I realized I couldn't hear her response. I didn't have sensitive vampire ears. "We're more than happy to have her." He smiled. "No, it's no trouble at all, in fact I believe Alice was hoping she could stay the night with us, she's very excited to finally see a familiar face." He looked between the two of us smiling secretively. I smirked, that solved the whole having to go home issue. "If that's all right with you, of course." He nodded. "I look forward to finally meeting you in person at the hospital." He grinned. "You too. Would you like to speak with Adora again?" I frowned remembering the name I would have to use at school to keep up with pretenses. At least Carlisle could keep track of my dual identity, because I sure as hell couldn't. "Have a pleasant evening then. Good-bye." He shut the phone before handing it back to me.

"Are you sure the medical field is the right place for you?" I eyed him playfully as I slid the phone back into my pocket. "Because I'm pretty sure you'd make a great actor." I teased, he smiled warmly.

"And I could say the same about you." He murmured. "Spoons?" He raised a brow and I sighed rolling my eyes.

"Spoon River, Illinois." I explained. "Kids my age just called it Spoons." He raised a brow. "The irony, I know." I muttered. "Forks. Spoons." There were sudden muffled giggles from around me. "My dad lives in Chicago with Jared, it's where I was born, but I lived in Spoons for the past three years before we moved here." I shrugged.

"Irony again." Carlisle mused with a curious expression. I furrowed my brows, confused. "Edward was born in Chicago." My eyes widened and I turned my gaze slowly to Jacob. He stopped me before I could say anything.

"I said I believed you!" He exclaimed holding up his hands defensively. "All this stuff is too weird for me not to." He huffed. I smiled before looking back to Carlisle.

"What am I supposed to say to him?" I frowned. "It's not like I can greet him at the door and say 'Hey Husband, long time, no see.'" I grumbled.

"No." He shook his head.

"No." Emmet grinned. "But I'd laugh if you did." I laughed nervously.

"You're just going to have to play it by ear." Alice said softly. "He's not as far away as I thought he was." She was suddenly looking at something distant. "He's still kind of hard to see, with Seth being near him and all, but they're running now, the visions are jumping around too fast for me to pinpoint exactly where, but it's close, so whatever you're going to do, you'd better decide quickly." She looked at me finally and I looked back at Jacob.

"You're going have to separate Seth from him without Edward realizing something is up." He grinned. "What?"

"I don't have to use my Alpha connection for everything." He slid a phone from his pocket, raising it to show me before pressing a button and putting it to his ear. We waited a long moment. "Seth." He said it sharply. "No, I can probably communicate my thoughts with you just fine from where you are, but I felt like being lazy, and I didn't want to distract you and make you run into a tree or something." He frowned and darted worried eyes to me. "You said you were going to see Edward, Alice told me you were both on your way back." His eyes narrowed angrily suddenly. "Tell him his daughter wants to see him, is that so hard to believe?" He spat harshly before his face softened and she shook his head. "No, I'm not mad at you Seth. No, she's fine." He said assuredly before he looked angry again. "Well he can speculate all he wants; he should have come home sooner." There was a pause and I realized that I'd been holding my breath. "Tell him Nessie will be here when he gets home, there's some pack business you and I need to discuss with the others back at LaPush, I'd like for you to meet me there." His tone brooked no refusal. "How long will you be?" His eyes widened. "Okay, bye." He closed the phone.

"What?" I sounded desperate. I _was _desperate.

"They're moving really fast, like; they'll be here in less than an hour fast." I shot up quickly, my hands suddenly trembling.

"Hold on," Alice stopped me as I looked at her. Her eyes were unfocused as she searched the future. "Seth may be rushing to get back but Edward seems to be taking his sweet time." She rolled her eyes before blinking to look at me. "He's being a masochistic idiot." She fumed. "He just _has_ to torture himself a little more." She shook her head. "Bella, I swear to God if you pull a heroic stunt like that again I'm going to find a voodoo witch doctor to summon you back just so I can scream at you." She stated sternly with her hands on her hips.

I raised my hands defensively. "No more, swear." I squeaked in mock fear.

"Good." She spat playfully.

Jake chuckled before he turned to Renesmee and kissed her softly. "I'm going back home babe, I need to explain to the rest of the pack what's going on." I furrowed my brows.

"Can your car make it there in time?" I whispered. He looked at me funny.

"I didn't bring my car."

_Oh. Right. _I kept forgetting he was a werewolf.

He chuckled softly. "You might want to be careful with the whole, thinking your thoughts so loud that everyone can hear them, thing." I nodded numbly.

He was staring at me oddly then. "What?"

"It's just strange," He shrugged with a puckish grin, "You're a blond now."

"I dyed it." I explained.

"I know, I can still smell the…newness of it." He was grinning way too much and I knew him way too well.

I glared at him. "You're just itching for the opportunity to make a blond joke aren't you?"

"Maybe." He chuckled. "It looks good on you, though I liked you better as a brunette." He became serious suddenly. "I wonder what _he_ will think of it…" He trailed off. I blinked at that. What _would _he think about it?

"I don't know." I whispered.

"I wouldn't worry about it too much, it's not like you can't dye it back." I nodded numbly as he stood to hug me and I hugged him back. He kissed my forehead. "Bye Bells, I'll be back later." I nodded again.

"Bye Jake." I whispered as he pulled away and turned back to Renesmee.

"Bye sweetheart." She smiled kissing him quickly. "Be safe, I love you." Her eyes were bright suddenly.

"I love you too." He grinned kissing her once more before striding across the floor and disappearing. I turned back to her.

"You'd think it'd bother me." I mumbled and she furrowed her brows. "You and Jake, but you're both so happy, it makes _me _happy." She smiled.

"He has that affect on people." She smiled wistfully. "You couldn't ask for a better Best Friend." She smiled, someone cleared their throat and we both looked at Alice. Renesmee laughed lightly, airily. "Best _guy_ friend." She corrected and Alice smile.

"That's more like it." She grinned. I smiled but the knowledge that Edward was so close filled me with fear and anticipation.

"Do you all think my hair color will confuse him?" I think I caught them off guard with my question. They each looked at me blankly.

"Dad loves you—I don't think your hair color is really going to matter when he sees you." Renesmee offered. I nodded dully.

"Why _did _you color your hair?" Alice quirked a brow at me.

"I just figured if I changed my appearance, then the shock wouldn't be as bad when people saw me. You know—if I didn't look so much like…me." I sighed. I began to reiterate my first meeting with Mike Newton, then later with Angela and Ben but then decided that showing them would explain it better. I let the memories play in my head, concentrating on it, like I had done with my shield in my vampire life, allowing them to see what I saw.

Emmet was amused. "Their faces were priceless—you might even be scarier than Edward." I glowered at him as my chest tightened from just hearing Edwards name.

"You all really made an impression on Forks—you've managed to turn us into some romantic tragedy—some spooky story that the kids tell around camp fires." I looked at them cautiously. "If Izzy hadn't explained it then I'd still be in the dark."

"Izzy? That's Angela's daughter?" Alice asked looking contemplative.

"Yeah, evidently Angela named her after me." That made them all look at me with surprise.

"Well, that was…sweet of her." Esme commented.

"Yeah, Izzy is my age, so she'll probably have classes with me, and Angela teaches Junior English—which Edward will be taking during third period?" I quirked a brow at them in question.

"How do you know that?" Emmet asked.

"Izzy told me." I shrugged. "Is that really a good idea, sending him back to school?" I asked worriedly. "Especially with Angela as his teacher?"

"We thought it would be best for him to have a routine to stick to," Carlisle explained.

"Somewhere we can keep a close watch on him." Rosalie added. "We thought it would be therapeutic for him to ease back into the life he shared with you, where he had once been so happy."

"You don't think that it's going to be a little bit rough on him?" I winced.

"He said that he could handle it," Jasper said before scowling. "Judging by the intense feelings of guilt and regret and pain I felt rolling off of him when he said it, I think it's some sick way for him to torture himself and that's the only reason he agreed to it." He muttered sourly.

"I swear that kids a masochist." Emmet commented.

"He is not!" Renesmee growled.

"Actually," I corrected her, "he kind of is." My eyes met Alice's as I remembered our honeymoon. I'd told her about his reaction to seeing the bruises at one point. She frowned.

"But you're here now!" Rosalie chimed in. "We've got almost a week until school starts, and hopefully by then he'll be better after knowing that you're alive…again." Her lips twitched in amusement when she added that last part.

"Maybe," Jasper sighed, "but I don't think you can reverse 17 years of grieving in a week."

"It's not just grieving, Edward is…broken." Carlisle said the words carefully. "When you meet him, you'll understand. He's not the same Bella."

"I've figured that out by now." I assured him.

"I just don't want any of us to get our hopes up too high." He said gently. "He may be too far gone to reverse the damage."

A thought struck me. "He's not…violent is he?" I asked and immediately blushed.

"Why would you ask that?" Esme asked in surprise.

"It's something that Charlie said to me," I began, "He said, 'He's dangerous Bella...He could hurt you.'." They all looked at me with slightly angered expressions. "He called me Bella." I went over my conversation with Charlie in my head, letting them see it too before closing my eyes as a tear slipped free. When I opened them again I knew I looked pained. "You never told him how I really died." It was an accusation. "He blames Edward for my death." I whispered.

"I tried to explain it to him, weeks later, after Dad's funeral." Renesmee said wringing her hands anxiously. "So did Jake, but Charlie didn't want to hear it." She said sadly.

"Figures." I mumbled.

"He knew you were here." I looked at Carlisle for an explaination.

"We all moved back a few weeks ago—Edward was here very briefly with us to sign up for school before he returned to Denali—we had Nessie warn him that we would be returning. I didn't start back at the hospital until this week, but I suppose when you told him about Edward being here, he assumed we were here as well." He said it so logically.

"Well, that misunderstanding will be one of the first things that I fix." I stated firmly. "God, what a mess I've made." I groaned covering my face. Panic suddenly hit me making me halt whoever was about to speak. "Help me get my mind off of what's about to happen." I murmured. "Did I miss any big adventures while I was off playing the newborn human?" I grinned looking at them all. They blinked at me.

"Uh…not really." Emmet said sounding regretful.

"Why?" I asked exasperated. "Did danger decide to take sick leave while I was away?" I grinned half-heartedly, trying to keep things light.

"Pretty much." Emmet smirked. "But now that you're back…" He grinned excitedly.

"Oh no!" I put up my hands to stop him. "We are _not_, going to hope for anything remotely close, to half the situations I got us all in." I assured him. His eyes widened innocently.

"That's not what I meant." He defended. "I'm just saying…bad stuff just tends to happen when you're around." He grinned. Rosalie elbowed him sharply and he winced. "What!?" He exclaimed loudly. "I didn't mean it in a bad way." He pouted.

"Bad stuff happens when you're around?" Rosalie mimicked him. "There's no other way to mean _that_." She glared at him and he looked at me pleadingly.

"It's true." I shrugged and Rosalie looked at me shockingly. "I'm a danger magnet." Alice furrowed her brows. "I said I wasn't as accident prone." I grinned. "I didn't say bad things don't tend to happen when I'm around." She frowned.

"No dying this time." She glared at me, but it wasn't playful. I swallowed hard and nodded. "I can't watch Edward go through this again." She whispered. "None of us can." I let out my breath slowly.

"I don't want him to have to go through this again." I whispered softly.

"Like I said," Alice said softly, this time with a smile. "No dying this time."

"What Alice is trying to say," Jasper grinned coming to put his arm around me. "Very inarticulately," He squeezed me gently. "Is that we all missed you too." I looked between the two of them quickly and then around to the others, my eyes stopping on Renesmee, and they all seemed to be in agreement. I frowned looking down at my fingers.

"It doesn't seem fair…yet again." I sighed. "To me, it was only yesterday that I last saw you all. I keep getting off easy." I held back a sad smile. "I told Edward the same thing, after he gave me the whole 'I've waited 90 years to find you' speech. He said something to the degree of 'Yes, you got off _so _easy, you only invite death with every second you spend with me.'" I sighed shaking my head. "He was right; he is a sick masochistic lion." I rolled my eyes. "He constantly fights to stay miserable." I frowned. I stiffened suddenly when Jasper leaned in unusually close to me, his nose touching my temple. My eyes widened as they flew to the others, they looked shocked too.

"What are you _doing_?" Alice said loudly and he pulled away slowly so that I could turn my head to meet his eyes.

"You smell the same." He frowned releasing me. I raised a brow. "It's stronger than most humans, and your scents all over your car, Edward's going to smell it before he even gets 50 feet from here." He observed. I gasped.

"What am I supposed to do? The house has my scent in it too. Will he still come inside if he smells it?" I whispered fearfully.

"Probably not." Rosalie frowned.

"Should I go outside alone then?" I whispered.

"No." Carlisle spoke and I whirled to face him. "We're all going to have to meet him." I blinked.

"What are we going to do?" Rosalie scoffed. "Hold him down while she tries to reason with him?"

"We may very well have to." He said softly. My mouth was gaping wide open.

"No!" I shouted suddenly and they all looked at me, surprised. "I'm not going to force him to listen to me!" I railed. "From the way you all made it sound, this could break him if it's done wrong." My voice was tight.

"What else can we do?" Jasper asked helplessly. I rubbed my forehead harshly.

"Just let me think." I whispered motioning for them to give me a moment. I flew through every scenario in my head before my eyes snapped to Alice. "Can't you tell me what we're going to do?" She shook her head sadly.

"You haven't decided yet." She sighed. "I can see what will happen if you don't make up your mind quicker…" She said it warningly and it sort of irritated me.

"And what's that?" I spat sardonically. Her eyes widened slightly. "I'm sorry." I sighed.

"He's going to bolt the second he smells you near the house." She ignored my apology. Was she angry? "He'll smell you once he gets close and he'll keep coming, but the second he realizes where your scent leads him, he'll run." I blinked. I was going to have to stay hidden, even if he could smell me, and the others were going to have to try to keep him there in place. I saw his face suddenly, bright and pale in the moonlight, his face contorted into lines of pain as I stared at him. Then he fell to his knees. I blinked away the image and my eyes met Alice's. She grinned. "Glad you finally made up your mind." She smiled.

"You saw that too?" I asked softly.

"Yep." She chirped, once again, sounding too happy for the situation. "Time to go." She clapped her hands together loudly and I jumped.

"What are we doing?" Emmet asked raising his brows. "Please explain for those of us who can't see the future." He grinned.

"We'll cut him off in the woods, before he reaches the house." I answered. "I'll shield your thoughts but it's probably going to make him suspicious, so you're going to have to say something to make him listen." Emmet's eyes narrowed.

"And where will you be?"

"I'll stay hidden, until I think you've convinced him to hear the explanation for the show." I shrugged. "So…who's carrying me?" I whispered looking around.

"I will." Emmet said stepping forward. I nodded and looked around.

"Should we go now, or should we-" I gasped. My words halted as my vision abruptly evaporated again. I could see Edward suddenly. There were trees, flying by his running form, sharp determination on his face, and then he slowed as the forest cleared, until he came to an abrupt halt, his eyes staring out into the clearing, across a paved road, at a house. I gasped suddenly when I recognized it. He was glaring angrily at the black Honda Civic in the driveway, clenching his hands tightly, the muscles in his alabaster cheeks flexing, before his eyes flickered to the second story window. He was moving suddenly, a blur of motion, and then he was on the roof, right outside the window, peering in carefully, tilting his head from side to side, as his gaze swept the bedroom, making sure that no one occupied the small bed in the corner. I hoped Jake wasn't in my room, hoped that he was asleep in my mom's room instead. Edward paused for a brief moment, before sliding the window aside slowly. He froze suddenly, inhaling, and his eyes flew wide, before he sucked in another long breath, his eyes closing, and his face impassive and calm. He stayed that way for a long moment before his lids fluttered slightly, and pain filtered through his gaze. Sorrowful longing.

"Why?" He whimpered painfully as his dark brows knit together sharply, touching the window pane with the tips of his fingers with a soft, light touch. He dropped his face quickly and shuddered, breathing harshly before looking up, his gaze tortured. "Why does it feel like you're still here?" His voice cracked, and he sobbed, choked on the air, tearlessly. "I can still smell you in this room." He squeezed his eyes shut and turned his face away, over his shoulder. "You're everywhere…" He choked again, another sob, another shudder. "If I…" He looked back into the room, back towards the bed. "If I could dream…at all." His words broke again. "It would be…about you." His body shook with the effort to contain his grief. "And I'm not ashamed of it." He whispered, blinking back invisible tears. "I'd give anything…to be able to dream of you now." He sucked in one long breath, shuddering again, before sliding the window shut and backing away, turning on the roof towards the street, before glancing back one last time, to stare longingly at the window. I blinked and the room suddenly focused back into view. I shook my head dizzily and looked at Alice, noticing that the others all shared matching expression of shock.

"Was that a vision?" I asked carefully but she shook her head.

"I'm not sure…I don't think so." She whispered. "I think that just happened, it was too clear to be a vision."

"He went to my house?" My brows furrowed. The others nodded and my eyes went wide. "You saw it to?" I asked in disbelief.

"I think…" Carlisle began. "That whenever you can't control what you're thinking, or seeing, that it sort of leaks out." He murmured. I pressed my lips tightly together.

"When this is all over with, my main priority is going to be to keep _that_ from happening again." I said through clenched teeth.

"So, did she just read _his _mind?" Esme asked with wide eyes.

"That's what it looked like." Alice nodded. "But she was sort of…there."

"How did I read his mind from so far away?" I asked softly.

"Soul mates?" Esme offered.

"It makes sense." I nodded accepting her answer.

"He's probably on his way here now." Jasper whispered. I looked at Emmet.

"Shall we?" He grinned holding out his arms, I leaned slightly away.

"Can't you carry me once we're outside?" I grimaced.

"Do you really want to waste anymore time?" He stared blankly at me.

"No." He nodded and reached down to scoop me up.

"Where are we going?" Renesmee asked as everyone stood.

"Past the river." I said softly. I saw a flash of Edward running through the mountains. "He's going around the city; we can intercept him somewhere between here and our cottage." I saw the flash of trees again before our cottage came into view. "He's obviously feeling nostalgic tonight." I sighed. Emmet bounced me softly and I looked up at him, locking my fingers around his neck.

"You tell me when to stop." He whispered and I nodded.

"Don't enjoy yourself too much." Rosalie smiled playfully, and I blushed.

"He's my _brother._" I eyed her. Emmet chuckled.

"And here we go." He murmured, then we were flying it seemed, in an instant we were through the already opened door, going around the house in a blur, across the expanse of the back lawn. Gravity disappeared as we soared over the river, rocking me into his chest when we touched ground again. Then we were moving swiftly, through the forest, the trees melding into a blur, the cold air stinging my exposed skin, as the rush of wind whipped my hair around my face wildly. It reminded me vaguely of being on a motorcycle. Edward's pained expression flashed across my eyes and I gasped.

"Emmet stop!" I whispered quickly and he did, his arms around me keeping me from flying out of his grasp from the force. He let me go and I slid to the ground, my eyes darting around nervously. Everything was black, moonlight barely filtered through the entwined branches. The others were beside me. I took a step back and inhaled deeply, pushing my shield outward like I had before, feeling the small flare of lights in my head as my shield enveloped them.

_I hope she remembers to put her shield up._ I heard Carlisle think and I nodded. His eyes widened realizing that I'd heard him.

They were all silent.

_How will we get him to come to this exact spot? _It was Alice's voice in my head. I looked at her and focused.

_The same way I can do this. _I thought gently. Her eyes brightened.

_You can use two abilities at the same time? _She asked wordlessly.

_I guess I can, I mean, I'm doing it aren't I?_ I said pointedly.

_True._ She agreed.

An image of Edward staring at the doorway of our cottage flashed in my mind making me cringe, a look of agony swept his face.

I shrugged and the others eyed me curiously but I shook my head, there was no time to explain. A flash of Edward's running form was in my head, closer than before, and it staggered me for a moment. I shook it off as I stepped farther back, searching the nearby trees for a trunk large enough to hide me. I saw one. It could easily have hidden someone twice Emmet's size.

_Is this okay? _I pushed the thought out as I slid behind it, pressing my back flush against its base.

_I can still smell you, but I can't see you from the clearing. _It was Jasper this time. I thought on his words, remembering Edward's reaction when he'd opened my window, wondering if my scent was still as strong to him as it had been before. I fumbled with the sleeves of my hoodie, tugging them at the wrists before pulling it over my head, feeling the slight chill in the air against my skin, making me shiver slightly.

_What are you doing? _It was Emmet.

_My scent might help. _I shrugged tossing the hoodie onto the ground by my feet.

_Are you sure it won't make him want to kill you? _Rosalie thought softly. I blinked. I hadn't thought of that.

_I don't think so. _I pressed my lips together. I wasn't entirely sure suddenly. Would he? He'd seemed to take my scent as more of an agonizing reminder of his loss, rather than a trigger to the dark untamable thirst that plagued him. Or that's how it had seemed earlier when I'd watched him scale the walls of my house and peer into my room. _Was_ my blood still as potent as it had been before? Sure, it was more notable to Jasper, or so he'd said, but to Edward, would it bring out the monster in him? The monster he'd tried to warn me about in my previous life, before we'd lost our hearts to each other, or did his control survive my death as well? It had been nineteen years since he'd had to fight the desire to taste my blood, would we be starting from scratch, rebuilding his resolve all over again? Or would it be like it had been that first time in _our _meadow? Mind over matter? He'd said that being confronted with the very real possibility of my death had cured him in a sense, that it had erased the draw my blood held. Would it be like that? Effortless? I said effortless, but I knew better. Even when it seemed so, nothing about resisting the thirst was effortless.

I was a very rare, unusual, exception to that rule. My time as an immortal had not consisted of very many moments spent exuding that same effort the way the others did. I got off easy. I had control in ways that most of them didn't. I remembered suddenly when I'd lunged at Jacob and cringed. Okay, so maybe there had been a few hiccups in that control, but mostly, I'd been spared the agonizing years of blood lust as a newborn vampire. Would it be that way this time? Would I retain that same control? If not, was that the price I would have to pay for this second chance at forever with Edward? If so, I would gladly pay it. I shuddered at the thought of the transformation. _That_, was not something I was looking forward to repeating, but I would. Edward made that terrible reminder bearable.

It was odd, how I'd already decided the rest of my eternity. I'd only been myself for less than a day, and I was already sure of the decisions I would make over the next few years. That made me strangely proud of my new self, of the person I'd been as Adora. I had taken the past few weeks better than most people would have, handled it in a way that had shocked me at first, but now I understood. My life in Chicago had differed greatly from the one before, although I'd retained the same morals, my parents had made sure that I'd been instilled with the confidence and poise that hadn't existed before. My resentment towards public exposure had lessened to the point where I was now comfortable in settings outside of nature. I was however, still a tad clumsy, sometimes, Jared had always ribbed me for being a klutz, but part of that clumsiness was more bad luck than anything. I wasn't in danger of tripping over every dip and bump on a floor, but I had several scars that proved how unconcerned I seemed to be sometimes with my own safety. Not that I lacked a sense of self preservation, but more so the fact that I didn't fear the obstacles that confronted me, as if I knew whatever danger I faced paled in comparison to the trails I had faced before. Although, I hadn't known of those trails until today.

Memories flashed in my head. James in the mirror room as his teeth sank into the delicate flesh of my hand, crumbling broken onto the ground as Edward said the words that nearly destroyed me, falling fast into churning black water, racing across the courtyard to save Edward from himself, my first meeting with the Volturi. I blinked. It had all happened so fast it seemed now. I remembered, being pressed against the rocks as Victoria advanced on us, and the fear afterwards that came with the knowledge that Jacob had been hurt, flying forward my mind raced to the image of Jacob's bruising grip on my arms after the wedding, the only time I had truly been afraid of him. I blinked, my pregnancy hadn't exactly been a piece of cake, neither had the birth or my transformation. The last two points of danger had both involved the Volturi, that day in the clearing and the night of my death. I had survived it all, only to go down in flames voluntarily, the odds. I sighed, but I was here now, and the Volturi no longer darkened my future, and everything seemed suddenly possible.

Could I have my cake and eat it too? Could I share my life with both of my families? Could I share Edward with them, and tell them the truth if they would understand? Were all my dreams now possible? With my newfound perception I was sure it was. My self-awareness had developed more fully; having the strange underlying wisdom of another lifetime had given me a maturity that stretched beyond my years. Years, that seemed so long now. I frowned as I reminded myself that I wouldn't be able to take up my previous residence in the cottage as Edward's wife as I had before. I would have to stay with my mom, until I could finish high school _again, _and our wedding could be repeated…_again. _I frowned bitterly, the memory of our honeymoon hitting me. It was a happy memory, but that intimacy, of which I had so enthusiastically enjoyed, would have to be delayed. Unfortunately, I realized that a whole lifetime had not smoldered my desire for Edward. If anything, it burned more intensely now that I knew the tantalizing ecstasy that was found only in his embrace. I wasn't going to make this easy for him, I realized, he would have to fight against my hormones more than ever now.

I smiled softly to myself. Despite the depressing realization of how much restraint it would require to keep from practically trying to pin him down and seduce him into getting what I wanted, I knew that there were other aspects of our relationship that I would not have to be denied. I could still kiss him, I could still hold him, I could still love him, and Edward would stay with me in my room, the way he had before, his cold arms around me as I slept. I remembered that first night, waking to find him watching me from the old rocking chair, remembered my jubilation that came with the knowledge that he had stayed with me. Those moments were worth everything. Every careful step we would have to take would be a small price to pay when I knew what happiness I would find at the end of that journey. I would have Edward…forever. _That_ was all that mattered.

"Bella?" I blinked and looked up, as Carlisle's words pulled me from my thoughts. "Was it another vision?" He murmured softly touching my shoulder.

I sighed shaking my head. "No." He looked perplexed. "I was just going over everything in my head." I whispered before blinking up at him. "I'm afraid."

He smiled down at me in the dark. "You've cheated death and you are afraid?"

"I'm afraid of hurting him." I breathed.

His eyes were suddenly serious. "Whatever damage must be done to fix him is a necessity, besides, think of how much it will heal him to have you back in his life." He smiled.

"Will it?" I stared up at him.

"I know it will." He smiled and I nodded.

"Okay." I nodded as he turned away, joining the others again.

_Ready? _I waited until there were a chorus of '_Yes's_' in my head before closing my eyes and holding my breath. I saw him running again, and I knew he was closer now.

_Edward! _I screamed it in my head pushing out through the trees.

Less than a hundred yards away, I felt him pause and turn in our direction.

* * *

**Yay, Edward returns! Are you all excited?**


	10. Edward

So...holy...freaking...crap. This took for-ev-er to write. I knew it would be difficult, but dang...I didn't think it would have ever been _that _hard. This chapter was...emotionally draining to say the least. When I write Edward I have to cross reference every single scrap of information at my disposal (Including re-reading Midnight Sun 40 times, Thanks Stephanie.).

******A/N: **I was going to wait to publish it to be honest, because I really _really _wanted to rewrite Renesmee's flashback from Nostalgia **in the correct tense ****first but then I finished this and I just _couldn't _wait. I figure when I finally update it, it won't do any harm. It won't contain any plot altering information, it more or less just goes into further detail about the battle. I have it written, but going through and putting it in the correct tense like I corrected her previous flashback is a lot of work and it alters a few things, so I'm trying to re-work it.**

Anyway...here it is, where everything starts to get a little bit darker...okay, okay, a lot darker. Just be careful when reading it, getting inside Edward's head might just catch you off guard the way it did with me.

I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

The sound of my mental scream of Edward's name echoed in my head—feeling him pause startled me. It was not like how I had seen him outside of my house earlier. That had been a vision of an unalterable future which is why it had been so clear—why I had only seen him—not felt him. This was different. It was a strange feeling, like being transported into another body.

He had been running towards the house to the east of us and then I had called out his name. I was inside his head when his name rang out clearly almost as if I had been standing beside him. His muscles had clenched in reflex—freezing him instantly as fear lurched through him. He knew I was dead, logic told him that the voice he'd heard—_Her _voice he thought—couldn't be mine, but the instant that he'd heard it, the fear that I might be in danger had gripped him and terror had swept through him. I felt it in my chest, my heart stuttered and gave a harsh lurch, as his would have done if it could beat—_But no, She's gone_. Pain washed through me—burning, stinging pain. _She's gone_. _It's not real. _Edward reminded himself perplexing me as he though it and even after seventeen years it still almost brought him to his knees. I could feel the overwhelming, nearly crushing agony sap almost all of my strength from me. My shield fluttered making me grit my teeth and fight it.

He stared straight ahead, trying to find the will to move on—trying to fight the instantaneous desire to follow the sound of that voice. It went against everything to ignore it—to not go to her. His body had involuntarily shifted towards the sound, his eyes scanning the void of the forest as his fists clenched at his sides. His body cried out, aching for some invisible feeling. He imagined the brush of fingers on his hand pulling him in the opposite direction of his destination—but he was fighting it. In all the years that he had spent suffering the loss of all that had mattered to him, the empty gaping hole in his existence hadn't felt as real it had today—like a tangible vast emptiness that was starting to swallow him.

The workings of his mind were unfathomable—unlike anything I had ever known during my two short human lives—even compared to the way I had thought things when I'd been a vampire myself. He carried everything inside of him—memories were like tangible pages of a book that he could turn to and recall with perfect clarity. In that lay the root of his character. He couldn't forget anything—even if he wanted to. Every single fault he had—in his opinion at least—every single mistake he'd ever made, every failure, every disappointment—they haunted him everywhere he went—and in seeing my death as his ultimate failure, his self-hatred and his grief were like voluntary chains, locking him in a cycle of perpetual darkness that he forced himself to endure. It was how he punished himself, but it was a sick twisted addiction—an addiction that he fed because it was the only way he knew how to function. He didn't know how to live without the pain anymore because it was all that made him feel alive.

In that single moment when he had heard my voice call out his name in the darkness, years of memories had flooded him, but I was unable to isolate them or understand their importance other than the image of my face, ever present in everything he thought, sometimes clear and bright and other times translucent like the image of him had been for me during the months of my absence. Only his more recent memories were thought of long enough for me to know them too.

He had left this tiny town to escape the unbearable reminders of all that he loved, but that had hardly mattered. It didn't change the truth. Even alone in the dark—hundreds of miles from the epicenter of his life's greatest tragedy—staring unseeing for years at the same decaying bricks of an abandoned basement, the memory of watching me dive into those flames played over again and again behind his eyes—suspended only during brief interludes when he would indulge himself with a happy memory to counterbalance the harrowing anguish.

It was all about control, and before today he had maintained some semblance of control over his punishment—before today he had been prepared—allowed a choice, to choose what memory he wanted to torture himself with—old memories. The endless cycle of his punishment had been uninterrupted—until today. Even when they had found him, and Jasper and Emmet had carried his cobweb covered body from its tomb, he had continued to replay the images in his head. The entire ride to Denali, he didn't speak or move. When they had arrived, they hadn't forced him from the car, he had sat there for hours until a memory of her face came to him, her hair blanketed by a halo of falling snow and only then did he move, exiting the car to shuffle aimlessly out into the arms of an awaiting snow bank where he then collapsed. He didn't move for days, didn't speak when they came to check on him. Even when Renesmee was beside him—no longer the child he knew—the searing pain of losing _Her _still numbed him the way it always had. He hadn't dwelled upon any other loss—the loss of years as a parent or the loss of his siblings—moments with friends and family that he would never get back. He never answered her when she attempted to convince him to come inside—she had finally given up. Even when Jacob Black had arrived—jerking him up by his collar, the weathered fabric tearing at the seams—to scream at him for not speaking to his daughter, even then, all that it had accomplished had been to allow him to stare into the furious brown gaze and remind him of another pair of brown eyes that haunted him. His gift for seeing into the minds of others is what had broken him out of his paralysis. Jacob Black's thoughts had always managed to prove enlightening at the most appropriate moments—and that moment had been no different.

_You can't stay locked inside that head of yours forever, Bloodsucker. Eventually you're going to have to say something to your daughter. She needs you to tell her about Bella—about her mother—things that only you can tell her. We can only tell her so much about her—only what we remember. You had more time with her than any of us. _

In that thought, laid a new opportunity—the opportunity to torture himself further with _their _memories of _Her_—and so he had. He had straightened then—rising to his full height—nodding once, before slowly disengaging himself from the boys grasp, turning to trudge slowly towards the house.

The words didn't come immediately—he had waited for the best moment to speak—never directly to her, murmuring recollections of his time in the small town. The words had been erratic at first—small phrases like 'brown eyes' and 'warm'—slowly building into full sentences. _She _used to talk in her sleep. _She _liked to read novels, while laying in the sun on a blanket in her yard. The smell of blood once made _Her_ nearly pass out during Biology. I wanted to kill _Her _the first time I smelled _Her_. That revelation had silenced the whole house, even their thoughts. Each comment caused memories of their own to bubble to the surface, and he had basked in the painful flood of their memories of _Her_.

Slowly he had allowed himself permission to speak of other things. Weeks of stiff conversations as the others described their activities during his absence. He didn't pretend to be even remotely interested but as was his curse, he still remembered what they had said. They had abandoned the house in Forks months after he had left, although retaining their ownership of it. He liked that because the idea of someone else living there, where he had spent his time with _Her _was upsetting. For the first five years they had all taken up residency in Seattle, to avoid suspicion, while still allowing Jacob to be close to Renesmee. When her growth had finally slowed to the rate of a normal human they had let her choose where to stay, and of course she had chosen to be wherever Jacob was. On her seventh birthday they had gifted them both with a home of their own, close to the reservation, allowing them to stay close to their respective families, but far enough away to avoid the suspicion of anyone outside of Charlie or The Packs.

After some time had passed, long enough for them to be assured that the two of them would be safe—long enough for Rosalie to relinquish her protection over the child she had nearly raised as her own—they chose to go their separate ways. Carlisle and Esme had spent time in London. Emmet and Rosalie had taken an extended honeymoon in various places. Jasper and Alice had split their time between Paris—where Jasper had allowed Alice to indulge her hobby of fashion—and visiting their friends around the globe. All of them always gathered a few times a year to spend time with Renesmee and Jacob—who by all accounts had become as much part of their family as any of them.

For nine and a half years they had lived their lives separately, until two years ago when Alice had her vision of Edward revealing himself to a small group of humans, alerting her to his whereabouts. She had called the others and they had once again gathered together—staging an intervention of sorts—deciding that their family had been separated long enough before finding him and bringing him to Denali.

It had taken nearly a year for him to be able to interact somewhat sociably with the others but the day he had caught himself starting to smile at the sound of Renesmee playing the piano his progress had taken a downward spiral, propelling himself back into his grief and he had left. They found him easily this time, a few months later—Carlisle had reasoned with him to return, using his knowledge of his penchant for guilt, he played the card that would convince him—pointing out to him that his absence caused more pain to his family and try as he might, he couldn't pretend that some part of him didn't still love them deeply and he couldn't bear to hurt anyone else that he cared for.

In the months that had followed his second return to Denali, several of the wolves came to visit—one of them being Seth Clearwater who he had always been fond of—accompanying Jacob and Renesmee several times. Even Sam Uley arrived, looking older since attempting to cease his phasing so that he could grow old with Emily, whom had given him three children. The children and Emily never accompanied him during his visits—they were afraid that being near so many of the Cullen's would trigger the Wolf gene—although it primarily skipped a generation—they wanted to avoid that for as long as possible, if not all together. The months passed, settling into a routine of days and nights, sometimes with the others offering their thoughts on ways for him to reintegrate himself back into the world. He had scorned the thought at first—their attempts at seemingly trying to force him to move on enraging him—until once again, Jacob Black's uncanny ability to unintentionally find a solution to a dilemma had brought a new possibility to light.

"Oh, come on," He had scoffed, laughing when Carlisle had once again brought up the discussion of Edward's future. "What is he going to do—go back to high school…in Forks?"

The room became silent then. Slowly Carlisle's expression turned to one of intrigue.

"That's an interesting idea." He murmured softly. "And if we returned with you Edward—"

"But Carlisle," Tanya who had been silently listening to the conversation interjected. "It's only been sixteen years—if the humans who knew you then are still there, then they will surely recognize you all and notice that you have not aged."

Her interruption had irritated Edward. After seeing her thoughts over the past year—her unrequited hope that he would somehow finally develop feelings for her and move on from his pain—he knew that her reasons for objecting were purely selfish.

Carlisle calmly responded to her objections. "The thought of returning had occurred to me—even before Jacob brought it up—although it was only with Esme and myself in mind, and I believe that it would be possible to return to our life there without anyone from Forks ever truly discovering the truth behind our agelessness. There is little danger for our kind at the risk of discovery as it once was hundreds of years ago. Human beings have evolved—they no longer fear the strangeness of our kind, they instead tend to reach their own conclusions when presented with the unexplainable and it is usually far from the truth. With the Vol—" He stopped himself then, Edward watched him sneak a hesitant glance in his direction but he did not react visibly—although he flinched internally knowing what he had been about to say. "Those in power of our kind now are much more reasonable in their laws of maintaining our secrecy—they see no harm in humans being aware of our existence as long as it does not pose a threat our kind, and seeing as how our families have managed to co-exist with humans discreetly for a better part of a century, I'm sure that there would be no objections to the notion."

He then turned to look at Edward.

"I honestly think it would be good for you Edward." He sighed. "To be where you were your happiest." The weight of that statement pressed upon him as images flew through his mind—the house in Forks, Forks High School, the biology classroom, the parking lot, Port Angeles, _Her _house, _their _meadow, _their _cottage. The thought of returning there both frightened and excited him, and he realized why—because it was _home_.

Carlisle's voice brought him back. "I know it will be difficult at first, but I assure you, you will adjust better there, because it is familiar to you."

"Perhaps." Edward's response was vacant. He mulled over the idea as the others began to converse excitedly over the prospect of returning to the home they had so loved.

In the end, he had agreed—although somewhat hesitantly—and the others began making preparations for their return. He had conceded to attending the small school once again, his only request being that the others allow him to ease into things at his own pace. A few weeks prior he had declined their invitation to join them when they returned to register for their classes, choosing instead to complete the task on his own.

Driving down the familiar roads of the small town caused a pang of longing to fill him as memories washed over him. He glanced at the passenger seat as a ghost of a memory of _Her _smiling and giggling beside him played out in his head. He looked back at the road more intensely, clenching his jaw as the pain bloomed fresh in his chest.

Even when he'd arrived at the school, fear had rooted him to the spot. He found slight humor in that. Here he was—Edward Cullen—One Hundred and Twenty-Nine years old and he was frightened of a building. He exited the car as his gaze surveyed the mostly vacant parking lot and an echo of screeching tires suddenly rang in his mind making him whip his head to look across the expanse of concrete towards the exact spot where her decrepit truck had been parked. He remembered that day so clearly—one of the days that had changed everything for me. He recalled his own words—the words he'd screamed out silently in his head—as Alice's vision played out foreshadowing the possibility of the untimely death of, the girl who he couldn't bear to stay away from.

_Not her!_

He steeled himself, preparing for the memories to drown him, but they never did—they never came flooding through his mind, they merely rippled like a stone skipping across the surface of a lake.

Her horrified gaze, his arms around her, her head hitting the pavement, the van crunching to a grinding halt, her wide brown eyes staring up at him as he remembered. His thoughts suddenly merged into mine and then—

"_Ow."_

_Her amused grimace as she gripped her head at the fact that I had been correct in my assessment of her condition from where she had hit her head on the icy pavement._

I realized that my lips had pulled at one corner slightly as the image evaporated—I pressed them tightly together staving off the involuntary smile. I shouldn't smile at that memory. That day—that awful day—and that very same life-altering night had been the beginning of everything—the beginning of the end of everything—the beginning and the end of me. That had been the day that I realized that I had somehow fallen irrecoverably in love with the small, frail, human girl whose silent mind drove my curiosity wild and whose blood I desired more than any.

I blinked and my train of thought somehow altered of its own accord. Catching a glimpse of the Forks High School sign reminded me of my purpose for being there. I finally let the car door shut and made my way across the parking lot, and up the concrete staircase, glancing back for one last long moment to that now empty space before continuing inside. I found the main office easily, the school hadn't changed much and I had memorized its halls.

There were only a few members of the staff present as I stepped inside, one of them—a middle aged woman with slick black hair twisted into a loose bun at the nape of her neck—looked up at me with wide brown eyes as I approached her desk.

_Oh, my…_

Her mental voice slid through my mind. I sighed in resignation.

"Can I help you?" Her high voice asked politely.

"I'm here to register for school." My voice was flat as I stared down at her.

_Of course he is, silly me. What else would he be here for? _My lips twitched in amusement.

"Ah, of course…uh," Her fingers scrambled across the keys of her computer. "What's your name?" She asked staring up at me with a soft smile.

"Edward Cullen," I responded coolly and I suddenly heard her heart thud twice before its speed picked up.

_Oh, he's the other one._

"Oh, yes! Your brothers and your sisters were in here earlier this morning with your parents." She commented. "They said that you would be coming." I continued to stare at her blankly as her heart thumped unevenly in her chest. I had already read all of this from her mind. She awkwardly turned aside, reaching into one of her drawers for a folder. "You're a junior?" She tried to peer up at me surreptitiously from beneath her lashes as she flipped through the pages it contained. I nodded once. "They've already registered you for your classes." She told me handing me a copy of the schedule that had already been prepared and printed out for me. "They said that you may want to make some changes."

I scanned the page quickly and my eyes narrowed when I noticed that I had Biology during 4th period. _Alice. _I cursed in my head.

"I do." I muttered darkly before handing the sheet back to her. "Ms…?"

"Ms. Page."

"Ms. Page, I would like to omit Biology from my schedule."

"O-okay," She stuttered taking the sheet back. "If you haven't already taken it, I can replace it with Chemistry." She offered. I nodded curtly before I watched her turn back to her computer, typing quickly, clicking with her mouse every few seconds. "Oh, that's perfect!" She exclaimed before smiling brightly up at me, obviously pleased with herself. "There are only two slots for Chemistry left open but they're during 4th period as well." She said still smiling.

I stiffened even further. Of course they were.

"I suppose that will have to do." I responded stiffly.

Without a word she clicked a few more times before the printer behind her clicked on, beeping and clicking as it began to print. She rolled in her chair over to retrieve the pages it spit out before rolling back to her desk, reaching for a pen to write quickly across one of the sheets. She shuffled everything into order before reaching over to staple them together.

"Here's your schedule and a map of the school grounds, I've marked the location of your classes for you." She smiled kindly up at me as she handed me the stack of papers. "Beneath that you'll find a list of required supplies for the school year and a few of the syllabuses that some of your teachers have already sent out." She smiled wildly, lacing her fingers together atop her desk. "Did you want me to give you a tour of the school before—" I heard her mental offer before she spoke it and in my mind there was a flash of the Biology classroom and Cafeteria. I felt fear freeze me and I knew I had to avoid being near them as long as I possibly could—where it all had started.

"That won't be necessary." I stopped her and her face fell unable to sense the turmoil rising in me. "I'm sure I can find my way around." I forced a smile attempting to keep the strain out of my voice, hearing her heart repeat its earlier erratic pounding. "You've been very helpful, thank you."

She smiled brilliantly back at me. "Well, you're very welcome. I hope you have a great year."

"_Doubtful_." I muttered too low for her to hear. "You too, Ms. Page." I said almost too loudly and nodded before tuning on my heel, making my escape as quickly as I could.

I wasn't paying attention as I strained to walk at a humans sluggish pace, my eyes on the ground to avoid the onslaught of memories and the temptation to wallow in them. I had to get out of Forks as fast as I could. I couldn't stay here.

Something soft and warm hit me—making me freeze as I turned the corner at the bottom to the stairs—my arms flying out to catch whatever it had been before it could hit the ground.

When I looked up wide brown eyes were staring into mine in surprise. It was a girl with long brown hair pulled into ponytail.

_Well, _hello_ there handsome. _She smirked but then her eyes widened in recognition as I continued to glare at her wordlessly. _Oh my God…Edward Cullen? Here in Forks? So it's true._

My eyes widened, not enough for her to notice before narrowing them again, wishing that I could delve into her thoughts and find out how she knew who I was but she wasn't thinking of that. She immediately flushed under my stare.

"Um…sorry." She muttered sheepishly blinking up at me as she regained her footing.

I made a noise in my throat and let her go, brushing past her without a word. I could hear the silence of her shock resounding in my head, seeing the image of me stalking away from her as she stared after me. As soon as she looked back towards the entrance of the school I sped away at vampire speed. I was back in the car that Carlisle had bought for me in an instant, gripping the steering wheel as panic bloomed in my chest. I suddenly wasn't sure if I could do this. I didn't need the air but my lungs expanded and fell rapidly, as if purging the air in them repeatedly would somehow cease the sharp current of pain slicing through me. I leaned forward to press my forehead to the leather of the steering wheel, squeezing my eye shut tightly. I needed _Her. _I needed her to help me do this.

"_You'll be fine, Edward." _A soft voice beside me whispered making me jerk back, my gaze flying to the passenger seat. Translucent warm brown eyes slammed into mine. "_You can do this._" She encouraged with a soft smile. I blinked at her where she sat with her hands folded calmly in her lap, a small smile on her pink lips, wearing the same blue blouse she'd worn in Port Angeles. She hadn't appeared to me since the day that Emmet and Jasper had found me in that basement and carried me away.

"I can't." I whimpered shaking my head weakly. "Not without you."

Her eyes filled with sympathy. "_Yes, you can_." She assured me gently.

I took a shaky breath. "How?"

She shrugged her slim shoulders lightly. "_I know you. You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for."_

"Not without you." I choked shuddering as my eyes shifting to the dashboard.

"_I'm with you._" Her voice whispered hauntingly all around me making me eyes fly up but she was gone.

I collapsed back against the seat sagging in relief as I stared out the windshield. She still haunted me and that thought somehow comforted me. She was still with me. She had first appeared to me years ago, moments before I had been about to attack a small group of campers. I closed my eyes and let it replay in my head.

_I could smell them, their scent was a violent assault upon me, and venom flowed across my tongue. I was weak though, having held myself shut inside the confines of an abandoned house on the outskirts of Fort St. Johns, a town in British Columbia, Canada, for the past two years without hunting. The desire to feed on the wildlife had all but abandoned by me then, seeming just as pointless as my miserable existence had become. The numbness of my broken, pathetic half-life had played itself out. I had become so desensitized by my own torture that I no longer had the will to keep going even to prolong my well-deserved suffering. I had crawled my way out, inch by agonizing inch, I had drug my body through the snow, hoping to stumble across another dwelling containing an incendiary device of any fashion, so ready for it all to end that I was willing to set myself to flames and let them devour me and reduce my desiccated corpse to ash. I had resigned myself to this fate._

_When their scent found me, the thirst had seized me, wrenching my gut into itself, my throat convulsing desperately. It was ravaging me, drive me wild with blood lust, and I began to claw as quickly as I could in my weakened state towards the smell. Only twice before had my inner self been distorted so hideously, stripping me of my humanity and reducing me to the savagely grotesque form of something so evil that there weren't words that could encapsulate the vileness of it. Once, when I had been within mere seconds of killing the only woman in the world who had ever mattered to me—and again, when I had forced the monster who had designed her death to watch, as I slowly shredded his body piece by piece, and torched them before his very eyes until there was nothing left but mangled chunks of stone body parts left to burn. Only this time however, it wasn't uncontrollable fury and excruciating sorrow driving me and there wasn't any overpowering guilt to stop me. _

_As I trudged through the chunks of ice and snow, pinpointing their location, growing closer and closer to reaching them, another scent hit me—the smell of smoke and burning wood. In the midst of my madness my conscious somehow gripped me and an epiphany somehow emerged, forcing me to consider altering my previous resolution of suicide and instead devise a way to somehow force them to end my existence for me—hopefully before I was able to tear their throats out—in case my control was too weak to force myself to crawl into the flames myself. _

_I was so close then when I reached a clearing blanked in snow—in the distance I could hear their laughter, I was close enough now to pick out their mental voices in my head and it propelled me faster, I was on my hands and knees then, struggling to double my efforts, suddenly crawling at a human's brisk walking pace. Venom dripped from the corner of my lip as it continued to fill my mouth and my fingers dug mercilessly down into the ground across the vast expanse of snow. I could see the pillar of smoke in the air then and my body began to lurch forward when I heard it—_

"_Edward, stop."_

_I froze in place, all of my muscles locking down instantly. In my delirium the thirst continued to rage, as her voice echoed in the air. I was still for a few moments, until the wind blew knocking me in the face with the scent again. I started forward once more._

_There was a warning in her voice. "No, Edward, don't."_

_I hadn't been convinced that I had truly heard it the first time, but this time I was sure. It was Her voice—pleading in the silence around me._

_I swallowed hard, my gaze erratically searching the clearing as my chest heaved rapidly. Part of me—the human part of me or what was left of it—the part that loved her so severely, wanted to obey her every word, and the other part of me—the savage monster starving to be sated—was struggling to overcome me, howling in lust for the taste of blood. My nostrils flared, gritting my teeth against the strain that almost tore me in two as my body rocked forward._

"_Edward, don't do this." Her voice rang out desperately. "Please, don't." She begged—almost whimpered it, and the thought of causing her pain crippled me for an instant making me lock my fingers like hooks into the ground, anchoring me there as I stared unseeing into the shards of twinkling snow beneath me, bowing my head. "This isn't you, this isn't who you are."_

_I grunted in pain as my throat seared with heat—I couldn't speak through it—my guts wrenched awfully, twisting and knotting in hunger so painful that if it were possible I thought I might vomit._

"_You're not a killer, Edward. You're better than this. Please Edward, please, you have to stop."_

_I choked on the air that filled my lungs, trying to swallow past the venom._

"_I…can't." I growled low and dark through my teeth as if my jaw had been wired shut, thrashing my head violently._

"_Yes, you can. You must, Edward." She urged desperately before crying out. "You cannot lose your soul now!"_

_Those words made the thin wire of my self-control snap. "I don't…have…a soul…to lose. I…am…damned."My voice hissed to the ground as I rose up, I coiled to spring, about to leave every shred of my humanity behind me and then I heard it—_

"_But I fell in love with you."_

_Her voice was different then, so soft and tender and yet so broken—and impossibly solid—more real than ever before._

_The entire world was silenced as my eyes flew up desperately and my dead heart lurched wrenching me into excruciating pain._

_She was there—standing in front of me in the middle of the clearing, blocking my path—looking ethereal and pale, and unbearably beautiful in her wedding gown, surrounded by the blanket of whiteness. It seemed to make her look like her dress was made of snow, billowing out around her to blend with the vast untouched facets of ice. I was filled with shocked horror as I stared up at her gaping wordlessly into her warm brown eyes filled with unshed tears._

_It staggered me, knocking me backwards so that I sank to my knees, my hands falling limply to the snow. I stared at her like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time, too terrified to move or blink. She didn't move either, her fingers entwined together before her, gracefully anxious, her wedding band glinted in the moonlight. _

_My sorrow crushed me then._

"_Bella…" I choked out a whisper of her name—I hadn't uttered it in over fifteen years—but now it fell from my lips like a last dying breath._

"_Edward." Her lips trembled as she spoke my name and the tears in her eyes broke free, dripping to her flushed cheeks to trail like liquid diamonds, pooling at her chin._

_Shame filled me as I saw the heartbreak in her gaze. What had I become?_

"_Bella!" I sobbed it as I pitched forward and threw myself at her feet fisting my hands around the lightness of the fabric. "I'm so…sorry." I shook violently as I sobbed tearlessly into the snow before her. "Forgive me, Bella, please forgive me!" I moaned._

"_Shh…" Her voice soothed and I it felt then, like the softness of a warm breeze as her fingers gently touched the top of my head. I rose up and her beautiful face was inches from mine, kneeling down close to me, staring at me with nothing but love shining in her warm gaze the tears had vanished. "I'm here, Edward." She murmured and the sound of my name on her lips made me convulse as pleasure rippled through me._

"_I couldn't save you." I sobbed as her hands rose to cradle my face, my entire body shaking uncontrollably. "I miss you…so much." I cried. "I'm nothing—nothing without you."_

"_I'm still with you, Edward." She whispered leaning closer as one hand slid up, her fingers trailing through the hair at my temple making me suddenly go still. "I'm still here." Her voice softly whispered as she pulled me towards her, the softness of her lips brushing mine. "Don't give up on us." She murmured and my lids slowly closed as she pressed her mouth to me, the gentle pressure made me ache, as her lips fluttered over mine. "I love you." She whispered into her kiss. "Forever."_

"_Forever." I breathed._

"_Don't give up, Edward."Her voice was so soft it was almost silence against my skin. My brows knotted painfully as I concentrated on the softness of her._

"_I won't. I promise."I nodded painfully—I would do anything for her._

"_As long as you exist…so do I." Her voice whispered hauntingly, echoing from all around me then, and suddenly—without warning, the feeling of her fingers and lips evaporated before I fell forward, landing face first into the snow. I lifted my head and blinked, shaking the snow out of my eyes, jerking upright to scan the clearing. She was gone._

"_Bella!" I shouted, scouring the tree line for her shape. "Bella!" I screamed it so loud I felt the shrill effort in my throat making me realize that the thirst had evaporated. I whirled in circles, suddenly finding my limbs full of the strength that they had previously lacked. I blinked staring out at the emptiness and immediately cut off my air as my sanity fully returned to me, racing quickly away from the sound of the voices in the distance until I found another scent to sate my thirst._

_It wasn't real, and still…it had been. I had felt her—her hands on my face, in my hair, her lips on mine, her breath billowing across my skin. I blinked at the thought and it knocked the breath from my body in a great whoosh of air. I stared down slowly at my hands before me—they were smudged with dirt and blood now from my kills and shards of ice clung to my cold skin—these hands had brought me close to erasing everything that I was—everything that I'd ever been. Once, a long time ago, I had thought myself someone finally worthy of love—worthy of Her. How could I destroy her faith in me now? Even if she was gone…how could I let her down? A killer was not deserving of the happiness that I had once found in her arms. Was that why she had been taken from me? Did the cruel fates know that I would fail to remain strong enough to keep from tainting myself further by murdering innocents? Had they seen this and ripped her away? Were the sins of my future the reason for her losing her life? I had strived so long to prove myself worthy, in hopes of redeeming my soul so that one day I could be with her again…wherever she was. I had not yet ended my existence myself in fear that it would seal my fate to be damned for all eternity, but wasn't a life without her damnation in itself? Still I had strived to maintain some semblance of worth._

_I grimaced. No doubt Alice had seen my plan by now, and she would have told Carlisle. I winced as I thought my father's name. For over eighty years, I had followed his example of goodness of repentance, and what had it gotten me?_

_Bella._

That thought brought me back to where I was. I shuddered and covered my face with my hands as I thought her name. It had been my weakness that had taken her life from her and nothing else. I should have had the strength to stay away from her. I should have left her alone and let her have a long, happy, human life without me. I had never been _that_ strong. I had been strong enough to not kill her, to not murder her monstrously in cold blood that first day. I had endured and resisted the call of her blood over a thousand times—the most desirable scent in the whole wide world—but stay away from her? Impossible! Even during the months after I had finally found the courage to leave her it had been a failure from the start. I swallowed back the lump in my throat as I remembered my attempt at good-bye, my eyes flying once again to that empty spot in the parking lot as it replayed in my head.

_I steeled myself for the moment when she would appear—her eyes found me instantly and a flash of relief washed over her face for the briefest instance, but it disappeared the moment that she met my eyes. She was always so perceptive._

_I walked with her towards her truck wordlessly, feeling the heat of her skin beside me, all the while fighting the overwhelming urge to look at her. I could sense a storm building in her as we walked in silence, every step more painful than the next. I did not need to hear her thoughts to know that she was preparing to confront me finally—to plead for an end to my emotional detachment. She would never get that chance, because that was exactly what was coming—an end. She would try, but there was nothing she would be able to do—there were no words that would move me, it was already done—she just didn't know it yet. I could not allow her to voice those demands, to force me to give her hope where none existed. I couldn't bear to lie to her any more than I had to, but this—this I had to do._

_I turned to face her as we neared her truck, speaking before she had even stopped walking. "Do you mind if I come over today?" I held my voice in check as I spoke—disguising the pain it caused me to say those simple words._

_**Say no!**__ My heart screamed and I immediately silenced it._

_She blinked at me for a moment. Had she heard my dead heart's silent plea? I held my breath._

_"Of course not."_

_**Of course not**__. My thoughts were bitter.__** The sooner the better**__ I reminded myself painfully. _

_I slid her driver's side door open for her. "Now?" I tried to keep the urgency from my voice, and failed. _

_"Sure," She didn't sound sure when she said it, as she climbed inside. "I was just going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."_

_I saw the thick envelope beside her, which barely contained its contents. No doubt, filled with what was sure to be duplicate prints of the photos she had taken—photos that contained me. _

_**Those will have to go too.**__ I thought painfully as I reached across her to take it quickly before she could notice my pause—being so close made pain sear through me._

_"I'll do it, and I'll still beat you there." My teasing smile was a ghost of what it once was. She saw it. She saw everything._

_"Okay," She agreed, but didn't smile back in return. I closed her truck door, and turned away—going straight to my car, never looking back. I could not bear to watch her drive away—to watch the temporary distance between us grow farther and farther apart. It only served to remind me that all too soon, the heart-wrenching feeling of her absence would be real, and this time…it would last forever._

_I beat her home, just as I had said I would, but there was nothing in me left to feel any ounce of triumph in that thought, there was only blinding pain. I forced myself to leave my car—forced myself to climb through her bedroom window one last time. I was numb as I made my way through her room, confiscating all of our memories. The plane tickets from her desk and her lullaby—placed in the CD player by her bed where I had known it would be. I caught sight of the photo album at the foot of her bed and hesitated. _

_**All of it**__, I reminded myself. _

_I rifled through the pages, unable to smile when I saw her face in some of the photos. I peeled the photo she had taken of me the night of her birthday from the sleeve—not pausing long enough to allow myself to feel anything—before turning the page. My breath stopped. Again. I had seen my face in these particular photographs moments earlier when I'd taken them from her envelope to Renee before resealing it and dropping it into the post office mailbox, but it still shot excruciating agony into my dead heart._

_I was already a corpse, I though bitterly, but framed in that single image my expression held no life at all it—true death. It was a vision of the rest of my existence without her._

_**Forever.**_

_I swallowed hard and reminded myself that it would be better this way—safer for her._

_I held everything in one hand and turned to leave when my gaze caught the floor beside her bed—remembering the lose floorboard I'd heard her step on a thousand time. I hesitated._

_**No! Everything has to be destroyed! **_

_I was so torn, ripped in two. Part of me willing myself to take it all away, the rest of me pleading to leave part of myself there, close to where she slept and dreamed—where she had first whispered my name._

_As before, the selfishness that had first put her in this danger, won out. I lifted the board quickly and placed everything neatly inside—burying it all and the shattered remains of my heart along with them before closing it gingerly._

_**She'll never find it**__. I tried to justify my action, seeing how there was no way to justify all the pain I had put her through already._

_I heard the sound of her truck in the distance and rushed downstairs to the kitchen, scribbling a note to Charlie in a perfect replica of her handwriting, before dashing back upstairs to her window. I paused as I slipped through it, turning to wash my eyes over her room one last time. The pain roared through me. I shut the window and went to sit in my car. Waiting, with my head in my hands._

_It was only a few seconds later when her truck appeared around the corner, causing me to straighten and wait numbly as she parked. As she opened her door so did I—preparing myself for what I was about to do._

_Her eyes met mine as she stepped out with her book bag over one shoulder. I took it from her and immediately shoved it back into her seat—her eyes clouded with confusion and I went cold._

_"Come for a walk with me," I said flatly, taking her warm hand in mine, ignoring the way she hesitated as I lead her along the east side of the yard, where it disappeared into the forest. The heat of her palm against mine was a burning reminder of the pain that was soon to follow._

_I let my hand drop from hers, nearly tore it away, to escape the pain as I turned to face her. She didn't notice. _

_**Cold**__, I reminded myself._

_My eyes flickered to the house, where it was still in view from the few steps we had taken beyond the line of the forest, and felt the weight of my sorrow engulf me. I leaned against a tree behind me for support—masking my despair from her—and stared straight into the eyes I loved._

_"Okay, let's talk," She commanded._

_**This is it. This is the end.**_

_I was reminded of my earlier promise to myself. _

_**Be cold. Detached. Make her believe you**__._

_I took a deep breath._

_I said the words quickly. "Bella, we're leaving."_

_I waited._

_She took a breath and I watched her reasoning something behind her eyes. "Why now? Another year–" _

_I had to stop her. _

_"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."_

_The lie was bitter on my tongue as I stared back coldly._

_I saw it on her face when she finally understood my meaning. _

_"When you say '__we'__—"_

_"I mean," I explained unemotionally, "my family…and myself." Each word separate and distinct._

_I watched her shake her head, each movement like shards of glass etching their way into my chest. I remained hard and unflinching._

_"Okay," She finally said. "I'll come with you."_

_The shards cut deeper._

_"You can't, Bella. Where we're going…" I tried to find the words to halt her protests. "It's not the right place for you."_

_"Where you are is the right place for me." The words sliced through me._

_**You don't even know what you're saying.**_

_"I'm no good for you, Bella." _

_**I'm the worst thing for you.**_

_"Don't be ridiculous." She said with a hysterical edge to her voice and my chest felt as if it were about to burst from the pain."You're the very best part of my life."_

_**How can you say that!?**_

_"My world is not for you," I tried again gravely._

_"What happened with Jasper—" The reminder made me flinch internally—where she couldn't see my anguish. "That was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" She argued knowing full well what this was all about, but I had to convince her that there was more to this than that solitary instance._

_"You're right," I agreed but there was nothing in my voice except the coldness. "It was exactly what was to be expected."_

_"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay–" She tried a different avenue and my chest constricted, cracking my heart._

_"As long as that was best for you," I reminded her and I wondered how I had ever told her such a lie. I had never been and would never be what was best for her._

_"__No__! This is about my soul, isn't it?" The words exploded from her lips and I almost let my perfect mask slip into shock. How could she know everything in my heart so completely? "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care!" She declared and I had to look away, staring down unable to look at her. "You can have my soul. I don't want it without you–it's yours already!" I felt like I was on the edge of death. I was crumbling inside, feeling everything start to slip away—my resolve, the cold detachment that was necessary to do this—her words nearly tore away everything. My body ached to cry, I twisted my mouth against the onslaught of nonexistent tears._

_The sickening image of Alice's vision burst into view—it stared back at me as bitter reminder of what the future would hold for Bella if I remained in her life—Bella lying pale and broken, her brown eyes lifeless frozen in horror, blood marring the pale perfection of her skin where a chunk of her throat had been torn out and another image—Bella cold and still, but her eyes were no longer brown, they were a vivid crimson, and blood dripped from her lips as she smiled flashing her teeth. _

_**No! **_

_I gathered my resolve back to me, held tight to the pain, and braced myself. I couldn't let her chip away at my façade anymore lest she uncover my shattered heart that would have beat only for her if it could. I couldn't continue to condemn her to either of those futures. I loved her too much. I was determined to save her life and her soul. It was time. I had to make her let go. I had to make her believe…_

_I slowly slid my eyes up, piercing her with a hard stare, preparing myself for my next words._

_"Bella…I don't want you to come with me." _

_The lie tore through me but I watched my words slowly register on her face, blooming into stunned horror. She was silent for a long moment but I forced myself to stare into the eyes of my first and only love as they filtered with pain and then confusion. _

_"You… don't… want me?" Her tiny voice was hollow._

_I had never hated anything more than I hated myself in that moment._

_"No." My self-hatred blackened my voice._

_She stared hard at me then—long and hard—searching for something, her eyes intent upon my face. After what seemed like an eternity, her posture slowly changed._

_"Well, that changes things." Her whole body sagged dejectedly, as she said the words in an eerily calm fashion. _

_It rocked me to my core making me look away as I realized that she actually believed me. Pain unlike any I had ever known ripped through me as a fissure cracked open inside of me, swallowing me._

_I fought to make my voice sound casual as I barreled through the rest of my lie. "Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change." It didn't matter what I sounded like anymore. Bella believed that I didn't want her. Grief washed through me. "Because I'm… __tired __of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." In that moment, I didn't feel human, I didn't feel anything—I felt hollow. My lie had succeeded…It was over. I looked back at her then letting the emptiness fill my eyes. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."_

_"Don't." Her quiet pleas only ruptured me further. "Don't do this." But I already had and her words did nothing to quell the numbness seeping through my body. I would say whatever I had to now. It was over._

_"You're not good for me, Bella." My face pulled into blank lines as I said it, I couldn't muster any emotion to the surface._

_She opened her mouth to speak, but immediately closed it again, and I stared back at her with incomprehension. How could she believe me? _

_"If…that's what you want." Her soft acceptance strangled me, choking off any words I would have spoken. _

_I could only nod once numbly. _

_What I wanted…was __**her**__, but more importantly her happiness and her safety—and that meant a life without me in it. Still, I wanted to delay it. I wanted more time with her. After this there would be nothing. I would never look into her eyes again, but she would be safe—she would be safe, wouldn't she? She wouldn't do anything…to hurt herself…would she?_

_"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," I began slowly as I was reminded of the thousands of other possibilities that could occur in my absence, even without me Bella's life was so fragile…even if it was not at my hands, Bella's death would destroy me. I couldn't leave without being assured that she would keep herself safe._

_"Anything," Her soft voice rang out, faintly stronger._

_The thought of her dying—of her not existing—broke the dam of my emotions. The only thing that would enable me to go on would be the knowledge that somewhere in this wretched world, she lived. She had to live…or I wouldn't. I couldn't bear it. I had to know that she would take care with her life._

_"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I demanded staring intently into her gaze, willing her to obey. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" I could hear the intense tone of my words._

_She barely nodded. _

_I lied smoothly now, forcing myself to harden once again. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you." __**I need you to be safe.**__ "Take care of yourself—for him." __**For me.**_

_Her voice was so fragile when she spoke. "I will." _

_I searched her face for any sign that she wouldn't comply. There wasn't any._

_The tension that I hadn't realized had been tightening my body released me as I pulled myself back into my numbness once again. "And I'll make you a promise in return," I vowed to her and for the first time, the words I spoke were not a lie. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."_

_My world ended as I said it. I didn't want to have ever existed._

_"Don't worry." I attempted to assure her, because she deserved to be comforted in some small way. "You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."_

_"And your memories?" Her voice was strangled and her words very nearly strangled me._

_My memories? "Well" The memory of her would haunt me—always—but she could never be allowed to know that. "I won't forget. But __my __kind…we're very easily distracted." I smiled bitterly through my lie knowing full well that she would be all I would ever think of for the rest of my wretched existence. Until the very end, and here it was—the beginning of the end—without her._

_I took one careful step away from her and the separation was physically painful. "That's everything, I suppose." My voice sounded hysterical to me, but I was sure she couldn't hear it. "We won't bother you again."_

_"Alice isn't coming back," Her statement caught me off guard. I hadn't realized that I had this revelation to break to her as well._

_"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye." Just saying the word itself made staggering pain lance through me._

_"Alice is gone?" The pain filled shock in her voice shamed me. _

_The realization that I was taking much more from her than I had imagined hit me, and it was entirely my fault—no one else was to blame for this, I couldn't let it rest upon Alice as well. "She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." I explained, watching confusion flit across her brow as if she was having trouble understanding as it flickered between pain and panic._

_I couldn't watch her go through this anymore. I had hurt her enough. Here it was…the end—it was coming like a blackness to swallow me whole._

_The words were a death sentence in my own voice."Goodbye, Bella," _

_"Wait!" Her desperate voice rang out as she stumbled towards me, wrenching me to pieces as she reached out to me. I had to stop her—I thought I had prepared myself better for this, but in that instant I knew that if she began crying out for me now I would die, if she held me with those warm fragile arms I would shatter in them, and if she begged me to stay…I would._

_And I couldn't let that happen. _

_I clasped her wrists before she could reach me and forced them away from me, pressing them to her sides._

_I let her scent swirl around me one last time, committing it to memory, cursing the sweet burn in my throat that reminded me why I had to leave. As long as I burned like this…she was safe, as long as I burned…she was alive. I allowed myself once last moment to savor, feeling the warmth of her skin as I pressed my lips to it one last time._

_**I love you, Bella.**_

_"Take care of yourself," I whispered._

_The last moment._

_Then it was gone and I ran—ran away from all that would ever matter, all that would ever give me mean for anything and towards the rest of forever without her, letting the heart-wrenching pain engulf me then as every step severed me from the only thing that I needed…her._

When I opened my eyes the searing pain of the memory was still burning through me.

I had been such a fool…to ever think that I could live without her. _This_…was not living, and _that_…that hadn't been living either. To think of all the months I had wasted—months that could have been spent by her side—time that I had lost.

In a sudden fury, I revved the ignition of the car and jerked it into gear, speeding away from the school and soon—away from Forks. I needed to escape the nightmares of my past, convinced that was all that the tiny town held for me. I didn't want to go back to Denali and I didn't want to go back to join the others at the house in Fork. I raced past the trees blindly as chaos filled me, panic and crushing anguish. I needed her but I had nowhere to go—nowhere safe that held her in it. Was there any memory of her not tainted by pain, not corrupted by the tragedy of my weakness—my selfishness? Was there anywhere that was sacred—anywhere at all that held _only Her_?

Then it came to me…in blinding clarity.

Our meadow.

* * *

So...did you catch all of that? Seriously, I was writing it and maybe I read Midnight Sun just one too many times but I suddenly slipped into Edward's head and that's what came of it, and believe me...there's more, a lot more.

He's a pain in the butt to write. Do you know how hard it is being so...depressed all the time just to get into his mind frame?

Anyway...more to come soon, just cross your fingers that I finish that flashback because that's what's holding me up. It's like this nagging unfinished feeling and I have to keep stopping what I'm doing to work on it.

Note: The New Moon flashback was written years ago, I've been searching for a perfect place for it to fit into the story because New Moon from Edward's perspective is so intriguing.

And the fact that Edward thinks a bazillion things in the same amount of time it takes for anyone else to just blink, hence, why he's a pain to write. It's like an episode of Dragon Ball Z where one punch takes five episodes to happen. (Sorry, nerd reference.)

So, complaints, comments, compliments, criticism? The four C's. I welcome them all. I CANNOT WAIT to see what you think. Please, please, PLEASE leave a review, I swear they make me write better and faster.

Love the support so far. You guys rock!

-Kat

**A/N: **So, one of my amazing readers pointed something very important out to me and I felt it needed to be clarified.

Yes, when Bella called out to Edward, he was in the woods, in the present, and she could see what he was thinking, and what he was remembering. Those things Bella thought in the beginning, before that point of view change, were what she thought of when she saw in his head as he remembered his life...but then when he recalled the day of the accident, the separation between the two of them had evaporated, she was no longer thinking side comments as herself as he remembered, she was remembering things as if she were him.

It was the same as the way she described remembering her life as Bella versus Adora because the memories were chaotic, making distinguishing between the two impossible. So there is no awareness of still being inside her own body at that point.

Edward remembers this time back in Forks weeks prior most vividly because hearing her call his names in the woods reminded him mostly of the times when she had come to him as a 'hallucination'. He's remembering seeing her in his car, and how seeing her in his car had reminded him of the first time he had ever seen her as a 'hallucination'. We then saw what other dark memories that he let himself dwell upon, like when he left her during New Moon. The chapter ends with him remembering when he had thought of his meadow, and then decided to go there.

I had to end it there because it was a perfect pausing point and a 40 page chapter seemed a little ridiculous.

The next chapter will pick up with him remembering the meadow and then a the events leading up to hearing her call out his name in the woods...transitioning back into the present day moment where they are still in the woods. I had to do this because I don't do Point of View changes, it's just not my writing style, and this enabled me to get into his head without actually being him.**  
**

I hope that makes sense.


	11. The Meadow

First of all, before I begin this, I have a LOT of people to thank and I've been wanting to do this for a while. This is going to be a very long thank you, so if you don't want to read it, then feel free to skip ahead to the chapter.

As it stands now over at Twilighted I have:

_76 Reviews_

_103 Favorites_

_13,747 Views_

At :

_55 Reviews_

_28 Favorites_

_38 Alerts_

_4,280 Views_

Of course, I do take into consideration that those view counts are due to the viewing of separate chapters combined.

To me, those numbers are significant, and miraculous, even if they're not to others.

To my Betas: My original Beta Tiffanyanne3 and my current Beta Content1 over at Twilighted. They have both helped me immensely. Without them, this thing may have never seen the light of day. Thank you to you both. Content1, thank you for picking this story back up and helping me dust it off.

To all of my dear readers: Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. Seeing that people are actually taking the time to even give this story a chance to be read is a phenomenon that I am truly in awe of. Seeing my 'read count' grow exponentially has astounded me, so thank you. I would like to give a special shout out to those who liked my story enough to give it a chance by adding it to your favorites or alerts:

(They're in alphabetical order.)

Twilighted Favorites:

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And lastly and MOST importantly…to my AMAZING reviewers: I cannot describe with any words created by man how utterly thankful I am to read your words. Your responses to this story have touched me in so many ways that there is no way to repay you. So, I would like to instead list you all here as a thank you for your support because reviews are literally the most rewarding part of this experience and I would like to tell some of you what your words have meant to me:

(They're in alphabetical order too—because I'm weird and slightly OCD about random things)

At Twilighted:

(I've responded to 99% percent of them on the reviews page, but still, I think you all deserve to know that I don't forget them…ever.)

Alice1206: Thank you for giving my story a second chance after my hiatus, it made my day to know that you still loved it.

amber_v

amygrace2

amylily123: Your review cracked me up. Thank you. ;)

Bellababe76

b3llaluna318

bennyjo

Brindalyn

bugs in amber

carbuncle

CarliCullen1995: Thank you, for being the first person to tell me that my story moved you to tears and the first person to threaten me if I didn't update…and then again _"UPDATE ASAP (or I will find out where you live and kick your ass...just kidding...maybe...)!"_ I loved that!

chrisbell

Clareita

Costa: Your reviews are the best reviews…ever. You review every…single…chapter, and you always help me find ways to make it better, you pay attention and you tell me what you think—what you find and every time I get a review from you it's like Christmas morning, waking up and finding a present waiting for me. You help me avoid holes in my story—your reactions make me estatic, it's like I said before "_Usually when my friends read my stories I'm sitting next to them watching their faces or reading over their shoulders to see where they're at and I drive them crazy asking them what they're thinking! Like I wish I had Edward's mind reading ability. So it's so awesome being able to read what you thought at certain parts!" _That is still true. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! So very much!

figi29: You once wrote, _"I normally wait until the story is all the way completed before I read them (I've been burned in the past. I'll read a story and then it just stops with no updates and leaves the story unfinished and it totally aggravates me.), but I just had to read this one so far." _I have to apologize to you because I _did _do that. I had written the first few chapters and then I just…stopped. Life got in the way, boyfriends (Just one actually—an idiot who broke my heart.), I got deployed to Iraq—not that those excuse what I did, but it was so hard to write a love story when I was broken. I owe you and everyone I let down back then a huge debt of gratitude and an even larger apology. Thank you for the wonderful things you said about my story and I swear not to let you down again.

Disneyvampire: Your reviews were always so special to me, they made me smile…a lot, and they made me want to update so much more. "_I always look for an update in my email. though I know you can't possibly update EVERY day. I wish..."_ And I always look for your reviews. ;)

Emily

eZmaee

Fantasywriter13: I LOVED your review, just absolutely adored it!

Goldseadragon: You know you rock, right?

gr8fulmom: Thank you for reviewing every chapter in the beginning—even though it was confusing.

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His Gem

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Kristy hess: When you said, _"I have been reading stories from this site for a while but this is the only story that has really moved me to comment." _THAT meant a LOT to me. Seriously. And tell your husband thanks for his service from me. J

ks82

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Milinpink: Thank you, for not giving up on me.

MsTaurus14: Your words motivated me so much, and your compliments touched me deeply.

Phantomessangel: You stuck by me and I'll never be able to thank you enough.

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This Girl loves to Talk

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Virginia May: You were my first review ever, and it will always hold a special place in my heart.

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Yuri: _"OMG, I had to read the story from the beginning, I couldn't remember a single thing, but it reminded me why I placed it in my favorites. I loved it first time I read it and I love it again, especially having in mind the fact that you will be continuing with it. Loooove it, keep the chapters coming. I am truly sorry for all that happened to you, but reading your note in the beginning kinda gave a sense that you are a strong woman and that you will not only survive but will prosper." _This was the first review to ever make me cry, it honestly moved me in ways I can't explain and your continued support means the world to me.

And to whoever it was that reviewed anonymously…thank you!

At :

(I can't respond to the reviews as easily as I can over at Twilighted, but I do read them and love them, and I want you all to know that.)

2wildandcrazyIndies: Thank you so much for giving my story a shameless plug, I truly appreciated that, and for the great reviews!

Ally

AP

Bennyjo4: You stuck by me even after my stupid hiatus and reviewed on both sites. I don't deserve you. Lol

dlajmc

Dmommy215

gadberry1

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Goldseadragon: Thank you! For your reviews on both sites! Your suggestion helped so much! I really appreciated it a lot, it makes me a better writer.

Honeybeekiller

Karley: "_I know I should be nice and just wait patiently for the next update, but it's been months and I'm beside myself with worry! Literally, I'm ripping my hair out in frustration. I love your writing so much and am really passionate about this story. Please update!"_ I'm sorry I kept you waiting. L Thank you for worrying and more importantly for reviewing.

Littlelizruth: You were my first review over at so you already know you rock—like I owe you chocolate chip cookies and a gold star—kind of rock. Aaaaand…you stuck with it, even after I left you hanging for so long, you still kept reading and were the first to welcome me back. Thank you so much for that, and for every single review, they were the motivation I needed. I can't thank you enough, because when some others gave up on me—even though I deserved it—you and a few others didn't.

Lwolf

messyBee: LOL. I love your reviews. Reviews that crack me up are awesome.

Milinpink: Thank you for still reading and reviewing! You're reviews are spectacular!

Phantomessangel: You took the time to review here and at Twilighted so thank you so much!

Pain-In-The-Dance: _"This is an amazing story and I can't believe that I forgot it. I had to reread the whole thing but really this is an amazing story. I hope you update quickly. I love that the story is almost like a continuation of the original stories, but with more drama and excitement." _Even after two years, you didn't give up on this story, thank you, and for your wonderful reviews.

Reinbeau: Thank you for your many reviews! They're fantabulous!

ScienceofDeduction22

Spockdatabones: First of all, I love your name. lol. Thank you for reviewing on both sites. And I don't _mean _to be evil and leave you hanging, blame work…I don't get off until 11 most nights and I get back up at 9 to do it all over again so writing in between that is hard, because I have to do this stupid thing called 'sleep'. In fact, it's 5:04 in the a.m. as I type this. I wish I were a vampire and I didn't have to sleep, because then I'd never stop writing. Thank you!

seachel

tsuenami

Venus308: You reviewed on both sites, which was freaking awesome! And you thought it deserved more reviews…well, so do I…but I'm biased. Lol. Thank you so much!

XxVamping - Bella- WalkuskixX: Sorry I don't respond as much to reviews at , I'll try to do better from now on. Thank you for them though. ; )

So again, to every single one of you…thank you, and please, even if it's just to say 'Hi, I liked it.' Please drop me a line or a review. I looooove reading them. They're like food for my writing soul. I look forward to continuing this journey with you.

Now, onto what you're really reading this for…the story.

In preparation for this chapter (And the following three of four chapters.) you need a certain song—I promise it is the most perfect soundtrack to this scene—I had it on repeat while I wrote it. It's haunting and beautiful. It's called 'Can't take my eyes off you' by Cary Brothers. Here are the lyrics:

_"I've come to tell you all the truth_

_Though you always had the proof of it_

_My arms will grow_

_Chest expanding_

**_Of all the boys you could have landed_**

**_Why'd it have to be me?_**

_You...can't take my eyes off of you_

_You...can't take my eyes off of you_

_Wisdom tells me to turn away_

_Broken once, it's all the same_

_My arms will grow_

_Chest expanding_

**_Of all the boys you could have landed_**

**_Why'd it have to be me?_**

_You...can't take my eyes off of you_

_You...can't take my eyes off of you"_

I'm sort of begging here, but please, _please, _listen to it first, or put it on repeat and play it as you read, at a soft volume or loud, but it will haunt you. I love it. I just want you to be in the moment with me—with Edward. It sums Edward up so perfectly 'Of all the boys you could have landed, why'd it have to be me?'

Now, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that this chapter is very short compared to my previous chapters. Why? Well, because as I was writing it, five pages turned into ten, ten turned into twenty, twenty turned into forty…you get the picture. This chapter got wildly out of control. So I decided to break it apart into smaller pieces. Which brings us to the good news. Since I'm breaking the chapter (80% completed by the way) up into smaller pieces, that means that I will be posting the chapters quicker. Probably one every other day or so, at least as long as I'm getting a response to them. I'm not going to keep posting a new one every day if they're not garnering any traffic. I know, I know, I'm stingy. I crave reviews like chocolate. But you get the point.

So here it is, the first part.

I'll admit that this chapter and the next three or four that follow it all contain _a_ _lot _of quotes from the books—in fact, I'd say 60% of them are comprised of bits and pieces of the books—and if you're as in love with them as I am, you will remember them and understand their purpose. By the way…I hope you've read Midnight Sun. ; ) They're what made me fall in love with Edward and Bella's love story. You know, the important things—the ones that were wrongfully left out of the movies, which is why I theorized that the movies didn't hold the same magic. Damn you, Melissa Rosenberg! Okay—not really, but you get my point. So, I give Stephanie Meyer the credit for this chapter—not me, I'm just repeating the story we all already know and love. I hope you like it.

This chapter is dedicated to:

Costa: For the best reviews EVER!

Goldseadragon: For the best suggestion.

Spockdatabones: For the best compliment.

And to Alice1206, Bennyjo4, Littlelizruth, Milinpink, Pain-In-The-Dance and Yuri: For never giving up on me. Love you guys!

* * *

I ached to be human as the nearly dying sun over the horizon began its descent. The desire to feel my heart beating furiously like a war drum inside of me gripped me fiercely. Instead there was a dull hint of pressure—the imagined sensation of staccato beats thumping erratically in my stone chest—the ghost of my humanity lingering in my body somehow. Even after a century, I still felt the hollow ache of it.

I was waiting for her. I knew somehow that she would come to me here.

The warmth of the sun was fading, bright orange as it began to descend upon the horizon, but it was the perfect moment as the sky began its transformation—the soft blue blending into the warm orange glow, vibrant pinks and violets—mirroring the summer wildflowers that surrounded me as I sat staring unblinkingly as the world continued to turn. I felt the warm beams of light reflecting through the atmosphere on my stone skin as they filtered through the tops of the trees, the line of their shadow steadily approaching me.

_"It's almost twilight."_

The warmth of the sun was incomparable to the sound of her voice as it ran along my skin, like the hum of electricity. I could feel her there beside me staring up into the horizon of the mountains beyond the trees, mirroring me. I slowly turned, my eyes falling upon the beauty of her basked in the glow of the setting sun. Her hair shined with its warmth, reflecting in the soft curls that fell to frame her face. Her eyes were closed, her face serene as she turned her face up to the sky. Even the translucence of her pale skin, leaning back, bracing herself on her delicate palms behind her as the dying sun shone through her to the flowers beneath didn't diminish her beauty to me.

Her soft pink lips parted. "_What was it you told me once_?" She murmured with a soft smile. "_About twilight_?" She opened one eye to peer mischievously at me for a small moment before closing it again.

I furrowed my brows, not understanding why she wanted me to say it. "I don't remember." I frowned, leaning back to rest on my elbows so that I could watch her.

"_You remember everything_." She mumbled wryly a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

My hallucination was teasing me now?

I sighed and yielded to her. Even in death, I could deny her nothing. "It's the safest time of day for us. The easiest time, but also the saddest—in a way—the end of another day, the return of the night." I whispered and watched as her eyes fluttered open and she slowly turned to watch me, blinking curiously at me. Her brown eyes were clear and bright, despite their transparency. It was the end of another day and the beginning of another night—without her.

After a long pause she twisted and stretched out upon the soft bed of grass and flowers, laying on her side to stare at me, propping up her head on one elbow and sighed in frustration. _"Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?"_

I blinked at her then. Of all the conversations that my mind could have conjured for us to have, why this one?

"_I miss this_." She shrugged as if to answer my silent question. "_I miss 'us', just being 'us'—talking about everything and nothing."_ Her smile slowly fell then. "_There's no harm in remembering what happiness felt like, Edward. You've been remembering all of the bad stuff for so long…I just…I just miss being happy."_ I blinked at her as she stared right through me. "_I miss how it was—like when we first met._"

"Okay," I nodded, "What do you want to remember?"

She chewed on her bottom lip as she rolled her gaze upwards in contemplation. I wanted to feel the way my heartbeat should have sprang to life and spiked at the sight of her doing that, the way it would have, had I been human and my heart could still beat. She was still thinking, a small 'v' forming between her brows as she concentrated. It was maddening and thrilling all the same, that even when I imagined her I still didn't know what she was thinking or what she would say next. It was just like it was in the beginning.

"How easily frustrated I am." I sighed recalling my words from our first time in our meadow and her lips slowly pulled into a delighted grin as her eyes fell back to meet mine—their brown depths were shining.

"_See_," She implored me happily, "_You _do_ remember everything_."

I frowned at that. "I wish I didn't."

Her grin faded abruptly then. "_Why?_" Her voice was sad.

"There are some things that I wish I could forget." I whispered as my grief gripped me fiercely.

"_Then why don't you forget _me_ then_?" Her words were serious.

"I never want to forget you."

"_Then don't think about those things, just remember me_." She murmured softly.

"I always remember you." I told her.

"_Like our first day here in our meadow_?" Her brows rose in reminder.

"Yes." I nodded.

"_I miss you being like you were that day._" She admitted timidly. "_You were so…happy_." She looked down bashfully. "_I was happy—really happy—too_." She slid her eyes back to meet mine shyly. "_I thought you were so beautiful in the sun…I still do."_

I felt my whole body soften. "So, you've told me." I reminded her in amusement—recalling the dozens of times when she had said those words—as I raised my hand to tilt my wrist into one of the streams of dying light as it reflected the sun in thousands of tiny ruby tinged sparkles, they glittered off of my marble skin fracturing the glow of the sun upon her and through her dancing over the flowers beneath her. I watched as her eyes were held in fascination. She reached out to trace the outline of my wrist in the air in wonderment, never touching me. I missed the way she used to look at me like that. Her eyes turned back to scan my face then, her hand falling back to her side and she erupted into a sudden fit of giggles.

I quirked a brow at her in interest. "What's funny?"

"_Well, it's a little silly isn't it?_" She smiled secretively at me from beneath her lashes.

"What is?"

"_You spent all of that time in the beginning, expended so much energy trying to convince me of how much of a monster you were…and it turns out that you sparkle._" The giggles resumed. "_Not exactly up to par with the scary vampire spiel."_

I rolled my eyes and collapsed to the ground with a soft thud. My hallucination was a perfect replica so I would be, too. "Bella, you are utterly absurd." I mumbled in exasperation—repeating the rude comment that I'd made about her during one of our earliest conversations as I stared up at the darkening sky. I felt where my mind began to flow then—back to the beginning—to the dozens of times when I had tried to warn her away from me. The sound of her laughter evaporated.

"_Edward, don't._" She warned me sadly.

"I should have tried harder." I swallowed bitterly.

"_There was nothing you could have done—nothing that you could have said_." She murmured stubbornly from beside me. "_None of it would have changed a thing. I still would have fallen in love with you_."

I turned to look at her sharply then. "And look where loving me got you. You're dead, Bella—you're dead because of _me_." I spat bitterly. My words came out harsher than I had intended, but the harshness wasn't directed towards her, it was directed towards myself. "I should have never returned to Forks—I should have stayed away from you from the moment I met you, but my pride wouldn't let me." The horror stricken expression on her face sent a sharp searing pain slicing through me, but it was short lived as her face darkened angrily.

_"Maybe you should have stayed away or maybe you should have just killed me when you wanted to—but you didn't!" _She muttered darkly. "_So if you feel that way, then when you came back you should have just spared your stupid pride and just let that stupid van squish me!" _She ground out angrily and the image of her suddenly evaporated, rippling like the surface of water.

I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut as guilt washed through me making me pound the back of my head into the soft grass with several soft thuds, berating myself. _Good job, Cullen, you've somehow managed to piss off even the hallucination of your dead wife_.

"Bella, come back," I pleaded with a sigh, sitting up fluidly to scan the meadow fearfully. "I'm sorry." I whispered. And I was_ sorry_—not for the words themselves—because they were the truth, but because I had somehow hurt her. Silence echoed loudly in the emptiness. I waited, but she didn't reappear. I pulled myself upwards to my feet, turning slowly to scan the edge of the meadow, panic starting to build in me as my eyes searched desperately for her.

She wanted me to remember our past…so I did.

"I tried to tell you," I whispered to the emptiness. "How many times did I say it?" I sighed out loud shaking my head—as if she were somewhere, somehow listening—remembering my words—

_"It's better if we're not friends." _I had told her. _"Trust me." _

Her eyes had tightened, her teeth clenched together—both of us remembering when I had implored her to trust me once before, begging her to let go of her need to know how I had been able to save her from that ridiculous van in the parking lot, promising to explain it to her—but I had gone back on that promise.

_"It's too bad you didn't figure that out earlier," _She had said angrily._ "You could have saved yourself all this regret."_

Her words had shocked me.

_"Regret? Regret for what?" _I'd demanded.

And then had come her words, uttering a very similar statement, just as my hallucination had moments ago, with the same exact amount of ire—

_"For not just letting that stupid van squish me!" _She had snapped before.

Back then, her words had frozen me in stunning anger, where as this time they had only filled me with guilt for my inability—once again—to keep from hurting her.

"Regret!" I scoffed with a frown. "You thought in the beginning that I had regretted saving your life." I sighed softly. "I remember wondering how could you have been thinking that then, especially when saving your life had been the one acceptable thing I'd done since I'd met you—the one thing that I'd not been ashamed of. The one and only thing that had made me glad in that moment that I existed at all." I'd been fighting to keep her alive since the first moment I'd caught her scent.

I had furiously marveled over how she could have thought that of me—how she could have dared question my one good deed in all of that mess.

_"You think I regret saving your life?"_ I'd asked.

_"I know you do," _she'd retorted.

Her estimation of my intentions had left me seething._ "You don't know anything."_

"It's better if we're not friends." I repeated out loud to the emptiness. "I told you that." I reminded her. "I've never regretted saving you that day, Bella—I never will—but even then, I knew that I needed to make you understand, somehow, that I wasn't good thing for you—that I was the absolute worst thing for you." I had tried to be honest with her—repeatedly—despite the pain it had caused me in doing so.

"_I said_ _it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be_." I had corrected her—I _had_ wanted to be her friend…in the beginning at least, but by then—the night before in fact—I had drowned so far in love with her that my statement was almost some form of a lie. In truth, I had wanted far more from her than that—more than I had ever dreamed would be within the realm of possibility—more than I had any right to dare to hope for. I'd tried to warn her—hoping that she would have understood my meaning, because _I_ had been unable to leave _her_, and a small part of me had hoped that maybe _she_ would have been smart enough to leave _me_—before it was too late. How could I have known that by then, it was already far too late?

"_It would be more…_prudent_for you not to be my friend_." But staring into the melted chocolate depths of her eyes in that moment, I had lost my hold on _light_. "_But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella._" The words had burned with too much passion—too much truth—I hated them, because looking back on it all, I hadn't tried hard at all, not as hard as I could have— not as hard as I should have.

Her breathing had stopped, and in the second it took for it to restart, it had worried me. I'd thought that I had frightened her.

"Knowing what I know now, I realize that my words had thrilled you then, in a way that they shouldn't have." I felt sorrow pulse through me. "I had paved my own way into your heart unintentionally. I was a _monster_." I hissed darkly.

I had renewed my intentions for speaking to her in the first place then—asking her again if she would go to Seattle with me—before she could distract me again.

Moments before she had asked me, "_Why won't you leave me alone?_"

And, _believe me_, I had wanted to say. _I've tried_.

_Oh, and also, I'm wretchedly in love with you._

"And I was_ wretchedly in love with you_." I grimaced as I remembered having that thought, cursing myself for it. "But still, I should have left you alone, and believe me…I did _try_." I implored the silence, unsure whether I was trying to convince my hallucination or myself. Oh, I _had_ _tried_ all right, I just hadn't tried hard enough, I was sure of it.

Her words and my train of thought had reminded me of my purpose then—why I _couldn't _leave her alone—selfishly wanting to know then if her rejection of her many human suitors had applied to me as well.

But then she had nodded and my whole world had opened up because she had said _yes_.

She had said yes to _me_.

Immediately my conscience had sliced through me—wondering what her acceptance of my offer would cost her.

I knew now what it would cost her—what it _had _cost her…

_Everything_.

"_You really should stay away from me_," I had warned her. Wondering if she had heard me? Wondering then if she would escape the future that I had been threatening her with and if there was anything that I could do to save her from _me_?

"But I couldn't save you from me, not when I couldn't even save you from yourself." I sighed and searched the meadow again. _I'm tired of trying to stay away from you. _I winced remembering those foolish words—complete and utter weakness. _Tired_ of trying to stay away from her? I didn't get 'tired', I thought darkly. No, what I had been describing—what the truth was—is that my attempt at staying away from her had been utterly pathetic—unforgivable, in fact. I hadn't really tried at all when I looked back on it. "I should have tried harder." I whispered to the nothingness.

"_Well…_" I had said hesitantly in response to her surprise in finding me sitting alone that very same day in the cafeteria, waiting for her. "_I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly_."

"To this day I have absolutely no idea what made me say that," I admitted out loud, but a pang of shame washed through me as I remembered it. Thoroughly, indeed. I had pretty much campaigned for my deserving of hell by my inability—and blatant refusal—to stay away from her. "My words didn't faze you one bit though, so I had tried again."

"_I told you_," I had reminded her. "_I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So I'm giving up_."

If I had only known then that I was forfeiting her life in doing so.

"_Giving up_?"

"_Yes—giving up trying to be good_." And, apparently, I had given up trying to be casual as well, but it was a lie even then, I had never been _good. _"_I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may_."

And they had _fallen_—like the blade of an ax of an executioner—I had gambled with her life, and I had…_lost_.

I hated myself as I remembered that moment and my selfishness. Though I had tried once again—more insistent this time—to get through to her when she had asked me—

"_So, in plain English, are we friends now_?"

I had pondered that for a second. "_Friends…_" I had repeated it, testing it. I hadn't liked the sound of that. It hadn't seemed like enough to describe what I had felt for her then—nothing had ever seemed like enough.

"_Or not_," she had mumbled, looking embarrassed.

"_Well, we can try, I suppose. But I'm warning you now that I'm not a good friend for you._"

It was true.

I hadn't been a good friend for her—I hadn't been a good _anything _for her…_ever_.

I remembered how I had waited for her response, torn in two—wishing she would finally hear and understand, all the while thinking I might die if she did.

I wish I had died then and I wish she would have actually listened to me.

Her heart had beaten faster then, I had always been so infinitely aware of that sound. I missed it now, after nearly two decades without it.

"_You say that a lot_." She had commented.

Because it had been true.

"_Yes, because you're not listening to me_," I had said, thinking then that it had been too intense. Now I was convinced that I hadn't been intense enough. "_I'm still waiting for you to believe it. If you're smart, you'll avoid me_."

I groaned to myself. "But you wouldn't listen—I tried to explain it to you, as best I could. Remember, Bella?" I whispered to my absent hallucination of her, recalling the rest of that memory—

"_I'm trying to figure out what you are_." She'd admitted looking at me curiously.

I'd held the smile on my face, locking my features that way, all while panic had twisted through my body. Despite my fear I'd managed to pluck up enough courage to coerce her into sharing a few of her theories about me, quiet sure that they couldn't have been worse than the truth—no matter what she'd come up with—nothing was worse than that…and she'd been quite sure that I would laugh at them. Though, I hadn't been able to imagine her coming up with anything that I would have found even remotely humorous at the time.

Thankfully, I'd been wrong about my reaction. Her theories _had_ proved to be amusing—along with being utterly ridiculous—and well off the mark from the truth.

I _had_ laughed—because she had thought I was a _superhero—_and that had upset her.

"_I'll figure it out eventually_," she'd threatened. My laughter had evaporated as her words sobered me, so sure that when she did know the truth, that she would run.

"_I wish you wouldn't try_," My voice had been pained as I'd said it, almost pleading.

"_Because…?_" Her brown eyes had clouded with confusion.

Because I hadn't been able to bear the thought of losing her—of having her look at me the way I thought at the time that she would have—with horror.

I knew better than to have expected that now.

I had sighed and met her gaze knowing full well that I owed her honesty. Still, I'd tried to smile, to make my words sound less threatening than I should have. "_What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy_?"

Her eyes had widened by a fraction, her lips falling slightly apart. "_Oh_," she had said, and then, after another second, "_I see_."

I thought that she had finally heard me—had finally understood my warning.

"_Do you?_" I had asked, working to conceal my agony.

"_You're dangerous?_" She had guessed. Her breathing hitched, and her heart had raced.

I hadn't been able to answer her—I'd been afraid that it was going to be my last moment with her, wondering if she would run then.

I'd wondered then, if I would be allowed to tell her that I loved her before she left—afterwards concerned that that would have frightened her more.

Her reactions back then made more sense to me now.

"_But not bad_," she'd whispered, certainty had been clear in her voice as she'd shaken her head in denial, no fear in her warm eyes. "_No, I don't believe that you're bad._"

Agony—so acute and crippling—swept through me now, unlike then.

I had never deserved her faith in me.

Not then, and certainly not now.

"_You're wrong_," I had breathed painfully.

Of course I was bad. Hadn't I rejoiced then, that she had thought better of me than I deserved? If I _were_ a good person, I would have stayed away from her.

I had stretched my hand across the table, reaching for the lid to her lemonade bottle as an excuse. She hadn't flinched away from my suddenly closer hand. She really hadn't been afraid of me. _Not yet_, I had thought in vain.

She never had feared me as she should have, because I hadn't tried hard enough to make her.

"I should have tried harder." I repeated those words like a mantra. The story of my life with her—I should have always tried harder.

I hung my head in shame, clenching my eyes shut as the rest of the memory continued behind my eyes—

I'd spun the lid like a top, watching it instead of her. I hated that I'd missed a moment of her beautiful face back then. My thoughts had been in a snarl.

_Run, Bella, run. _I'd thought, but I hadn't been able to make myself say the words out loud.

"I should have done the right thing. I should have said them. I should have _made you_ run from me." I whispered intensely peering up at the vibrant sky.

She'd jumped to her feet then, and before I'd heard her say, "_We're going to be late_," I had worried that she'd somehow heard my silent warning, making me fight to hide the panic in my eyes.

"_I'm not going to class today._" I'd told her.

"_Why not?_"

_Because I don't want to kill you_, I'd thought bitterly.

They were blood typing in Biology that day.

"_It's healthy to ditch class now and then_." I'd half-lied, giving her a tight smile, and forcing myself to avoid thinking of _her_ blood typing.

"_Well, I'm going,_" she'd said. That hadn't surprised me. She was responsible—she always did the right thing…even until the very end.

She had always been my opposite, now as well as then.

"_I'll see you later then_," I'd said, trying for casual again, as I'd stared down at the whirling lid, all the while wanting to say, _And, by the way, I adore you…in frightening, dangerous ways._

She had hesitated, and I'd hoped for one selfish moment that she would have stayed with me after all.

But then the bell had rung and she had hurried away.

I'd waited until she was gone, and then I'd put the lid in my pocket—a souvenir of that most consequential conversation—and had walked through the rain to my car.

* * *

All I'm going to say is that I'd better have some damn good reviews waiting for me after these chapters are posted. You have no idea how hard it was to chop up not only all of Midnight Sun, but the rest of the books as well, and piece them back together in the way that Edward would have thought them, sorting through every single line for similarities to support his thought process all while adding my own version of Edwards internal dialogue. Not to mention putting all of those clips from the books into past tense as he remembers them. *sigh* It felt like it took forever, seeing as how I had to practically re-read every single book twenty times. Again, he's a pain in the butt—or should I say fingers?—to write. Love you guys, hope you enjoyed it. ; )


	12. Giving Up Trying

Oh, just ignore me, here's the next chapter anyway. This one is nice and lengthy and I'm calculating that I probably have about two more left, maybe three, until we're out of Edward's head again and onto his reunion with Bella.

I'm warning you, his disposition doesn't get any brighter.

Enjoy!

* * *

"Yes, I remember everything." I admitted softly, lowering my eyes to the flowers that trembled in the warm air. "Everything I ever said to you—every moment that I was with you—I remember it _all_." Slowly I reached in my pocket to reveal that very same bottle cap, faded and worn over the decades from wear, turning it like a coin in between my fingers. I had kept it because it was a reminder of what had once been—a symbol of those early months of our blossoming young love—a talisman then to comfort me in my loneliness in the event that I was condemned to never be worthy of her love…which had been always.

"Which is why I should have tried harder to stay away from you in the beginning—to avoid you all together," I hissed through my teeth. "Because I just couldn't seem to force myself to do the right thing when I was with you—whatever it would take to make you see the truth and make you stay away from me. When I was with you, my resolve never stood a chance—it crumbled every time I looked into your eyes—so the right thing to do would have been to have never returned to Forks in the first place." My voice sounded strangled at the thought of it. "But it was too late by then, because I hadn't been strong enough to stay away." I sighed remembering when I'd run from the small town, after the first time I'd smelled her scent, fleeing to Denali.

"The sky above me had been clear, brilliant with stars, glowing blue in some places, and yellow in others. The stars had created majestic, swirling shapes against the black universe—an awesome sight. Exquisitely beautiful." I described it out loud, garnering some secret pleasure at the thought that perhaps somewhere…I was sharing this with her. "Or rather, it should have been exquisite. Would have been, if I'd been able to really see it." I smiled wryly to myself. "It wasn't getting any better then. Six days had passed, six days I'd hidden there in the empty Denali wilderness, but I had been no closer to freedom than I had been since the first moment that I'd caught your scent." I imagined the sky from back then, saw it over the twilight of the sky here.

"When I had stared up at the jeweled sky, it had been as if there were an obstruction between my eyes and their beauty. The obstruction had been a face, just an unremarkable human face to me at the time, but I hadn't quite been able to banish it from my mind." I remembered the image of that face and sighed. I left the part about Tanya out of my recollection—sure that even my hallucination of Bella wouldn't like the reminder of the one female vampire who had shown a preference towards me once upon a time. "At first I hadn't been decided upon where I would go next because I hadn't been able to think of one place on the entire planet that had held any interest for me. There had been nothing that I had wanted to see or do. Because, no matter where I'd gone, I would not have been going to anywhere—I would have only been running _from _something—and I hated that—because when had I become such a coward?" My mouth twisted angrily.

"My pride had gotten the better of me." I frowned. "I'd tried to embrace the vision of myself as someone who faced things head on. It had been pleasant to think of myself that way again because I'd never doubted my courage, my ability to face difficulty, at least not before that horrible hour in a high school biology class six days prior." I grimaced at the reminder. "I could see it then, I could see myself leaving. Being strong enough to go back to the one place where I had wanted to be." I closed my eyes in agony. "But it was weakness, not strength that had compelled me home." I whispered opening my eyes to gaze sadly back up at the sky. "When I'd finally made up my mind, I had been suddenly anxious to be on my way, but instead of going immediately I had gazed back up at the stars for one more moment, trying to see past the face in my head."

"Between me and the brilliant lights in the sky, a pair of bewildered chocolate-brown eyes had stared back at me, seeming to ask what this decision would mean for you. Of course, I couldn't have been sure if that had really been the information your curious eyes had sought. Even in my imagination, I couldn't hear your thoughts, just like now." I frowned at that. "Your eyes had continued to question me, and an unobstructed view of the stars had continued to elude me." I sighed just as I had then. "With a heavy sigh, I gave up then, and got to my feet." I shook my head angrily.

"I gave up." I repeated it pitifully. "I hadn't been strong enough even in the beginning to stay away from you, and once I returned it became even more difficult to leave you again—impossible really—even after I had saved you from that van." I sighed. "Even when I knew that it could be dangerous for you and for me if I were to stay. That night, after Alice had seen that I would someday love you, I had resigned myself to ignoring you—all in an attempt to save you from a future that I refused to condemn you to by being in your life."

"Did I love you? I did not think so then. Not yet. Alice's glimpses of that future had stuck with me, though, and I could see how easy it would be to fall into loving you. Could see that it would be exactly like falling—effortless." The memory bewildered me, even now. "Not letting myself love you was the opposite of falling—it was pulling myself up a cliff-face, hand over hand, the task as grueling as if I had no more than mortal strength, but still, I had tried—all the while battling how much I wanted to be _with you_, and to know you." I sighed remembering my torture.

"More than a month had passed since that day, and every day it had gotten harder. That had made no sense to me—I kept waiting to get over it, to have it get easier." I furrowed my brows recalling my frustration. "That must have been what Alice had meant when she'd predicted that I would not be able to stay away from you. She had seen the escalation of the pain. But I could handle pain." I said firmly. "I would not destroy you future. If I was destined to love you, then wasn't avoiding you the very least I could do? Avoiding you was about the limit of what I could bear, though." I grimaced. "I could pretend to ignore you, and never look your way. I could pretend that you were of no interest to me. But that was the extent, just pretense and not reality." It made me feel twisted inside remembering how it had felt trying to keep myself from her.

"I still hung on every breath you took, every word you said." I sighed. "I lumped my torments into four categories." I admitted bitterly. "The first two were familiar. Your scent and your silence. Or, rather—to take the responsibility on myself where it belongs—my thirst and my curiosity." I corrected. "The thirst had been the most primal of my torments. It was my habit then to simply not breathe at all in Biology. Of course, there were always the exceptions—when I'd had to answer a question or something of the sort, and I would need my breath to speak. Each time I'd tasted the air around you, it had been the same as the first day—fire and need and brutal violence desperate to break free. It had been hard to cling even slightly to reason or restraint in those moments. And, just like that first day, the monster in me would roar, so close to the surface." I shuddered remembering it.

"The curiosity had been the most constant of my torments. The question was never out of my mind, _What is she thinking now?_ When I heard you quietly sigh. When you twisted a lock of hair absently around your finger. When you threw your books down with more force than usual. When you rushed to class late. When you tapped your foot impatiently against the floor. Each movement caught in my peripheral vision had been a maddening mystery. When you spoke to the other human students, I analyzed your every word and tone. Were you speaking your thoughts, or what you thought you should say?" The question was reigniting that old curiosity in me. "It had often sounded to me like you were trying to say what your audience had expected, and this had reminded me of my family and our daily life of illusion—we were better at it than you were. Unless I had been wrong about that, just imagining things. But why would you have had to play a role? You were one of them—a human teenager."

I gritted my teeth as I thought of my next words. "Mike Newton had been the most surprising of my torments then. Who would have ever dreamed that such a generic, boring mortal could have been so infuriating? To be fair, I should have felt some gratitude to the annoying boy; more than the others, because he'd kept you talking." I smiled bitterly at that. "I learned so much about you through those conversations—I had still been compiling my list of your character traits—but, contrarily, Mike's assistance with that project only aggravated me more." I muttered sourly. "I didn't want Mike to be the one that unlocked your secrets. I had wanted to do that."

"It helped that he never noticed your small revelations, your little slips. He knew nothing about you. He'd created a Bella in his head that didn't exist—a girl just as generic as he was. He hadn't observed the unselfishness and bravery that set you apart from other humans, he didn't hear the abnormal maturity of your spoken thoughts. He didn't perceive that when you spoke of your mother, that you sounded like a parent speaking of a child rather than the other way around—loving, indulgent, slightly amused, and fiercely protective." I smiled warmly at that. "He didn't hear the patience in your voice when you feigned interest in his rambling stories, and didn't guess at the kindness behind that patience. Through your conversations with Mike, I was able to add the most important quality to my list, the most revealing of them all, as simple as it was rare." I sighed. "You were good."

"All the other things added up to that whole—kind and self-effacing and unselfish and loving and brave—you were good through and through. Those helpful discoveries did not warm me to the boy, however. The possessive way he viewed you—as if you were an acquisition to be made—provoked me almost as much as his crude fantasies about you. He was becoming more confident of you, too, as the time passed, for you seemed to prefer him over those he considered his rivals—Tyler Crowley, Eric Yorkie, and even, sporadically, myself. He would routinely sit on your side of our table before class began, chattering at you, encouraged by your smiles. Just polite smiles, I told myself." I smiled, but it was a tight smile.

"All the same, I had frequently amused myself by imagining backhanding him across the room and into the far wall… It probably wouldn't have injured him fatally…" I assured her, wherever she was. "Mike didn't often think of me as a rival. After the accident, he'd worried that you and I would bond from the shared experience, but obviously the opposite had resulted. Back then, he had still been bothered that I'd singled you out over your peers for attention. But then I had ignored you just as thoroughly as the others, and he had grown complacent. I wondered what you were thinking then? Did you welcome his attention?"

I shook my head reaching up to wash my palm over the marble skin of my face in frustration. "The last of my torments, the most painful: your indifference. As I ignored you, you ignored me. You never tried to speak to me again. For all I knew then, you never thought about me at all." That memory made my chest ache. "This might have driven me mad—or even broken my resolution to change the future—except that you sometimes stared at me like you had before. I didn't see it for myself, as I could not allow myself to look at you, but Alice always warned us when you were about to stare; the others were still wary of your problematic knowledge." I grimaced remembering the fight I'd had with my family the night I'd saved her—the worst fight we'd ever had.

"It eased some of the pain that you gazed at me from across a distance, every now and then. Of course, you could have just been wondering what kind of a freak I was." I muttered wryly. "I paid attention to how often you looked my direction. It pleased me, though it should not have, that the frequency did not decline as the time passed. I didn't know what it meant, but it made me feel better. I wasn't in a very good mood then—tenser than I let any of my family see. Only Jasper had been aware of how tightly wound I was, feeling the stress emanate out of me with his unique ability to both sense and influence the moods of others. He didn't understand the reasons behind the moods, though, and—since I was constantly in a foul mood those days—he had disregarded it."

"Then the day came when I had spoken to you again. That day had been a hard one. Harder than the day before, as was the pattern. Mike Newton, the odious boy whom I could not allow myself to rival, was going to ask you on a date." My teeth clenched. Even now, jealousy pulsed through me. "I remember when he had sat down on our table that day—comfortable with long familiarity—that I had imagined the sound it would have made if his body had hit the opposite wall with enough force to break most of his bones." I frowned. "It had been a childish thought, brought on by my envy and rage." I admitted apologetically. "An unexpected, intense fury made my hands clench into fists as he had asked you, and then in that moment when you hesitated to answer him, I had seen the future more clearly than Alice ever had."

That memory still came to me in stunning clarity. "I had realized that you might say yes to Mike's unspoken question then, and you might not, but either way, someday soon, you would say yes to someone. You were lovely and intriguing, and human males were not oblivious to that fact. Whether you would settle for someone in that lackluster crowd, or wait until you were free from Forks, the day would come that you would say yes." I sighed. "In the end you would say 'yes' to me, but I hadn't known that then." I frowned though part of me wanted to rejoice in that fact. I beat it back. "No, then I saw your life as I had before—college, career…love, marriage. I saw you on your father's arm again, dressed in gauzy white, your face flushed with happiness as you moved to the sound of Wagner's march." My voice was strangled, even now, the thought of her with another tortured me.

"The pain had been more than anything I'd ever felt before. A human would have had to have been on the point of death to feel such pain—a human would not have lived through it. And not just pain, but outright rage. The fury had ached for some kind of physical outlet. Though that insignificant, undeserving boy might not have been the one that you would say yes to, I had still yearned to crush his skull in my hand, to let him stand as a representative for whoever it would be." Fury ripped through me. It would be me, and could I go back and crush myself for what I would someday do to her, I would have. "I hadn't understood that emotion—it had been such a tangle of pain and rage and desire and despair. I had never felt it before—I couldn't put a name to it then." I sighed and tried to calm myself.

"Finally, you rejected him and his hopes had plummeted. I would have enjoyed that under other circumstances, but I had been so lost in the aftershock of the pain—and the remorse for what the pain and rage had done to me. Alice had been right. I hadn't ever been strong enough and that moment had been my undoing." I sighed. "In that moment, Alice probably had been watching the future spin and twist, becoming mangled again, and would that please her?" I frowned. "When Mike had glanced at me after your rejection of him, suspicious for the first time in many weeks, I had realized that I had betrayed my interest—my head had been inclined in your direction. The wild envy in his thoughts—envy for whoever you had preferred to him—had suddenly put a name to my unnamed emotion. I had been jealous, realizing it only just then." I frowned in chagrin.

"Through all the remorse and anger, I had felt relief at your words. Suddenly, I began considering _my_ rivals then." I almost laughed as I recalled my plotting. "I had been quite fickle back then." I admitted. "And slightly unstable, I remember Mike's rude words. It had offended me that he had used a tone like that with you. I'd had to bite back a growl." I suppressed a chuckle. "As I continued listening to your conversation with the idiotic boy, the curiosity had not been as vicious as it would have been before—now that I had been fully intending to find out the answers to everything. I would know the wheres and whys of those new revelations soon enough." I said it almost proudly, but I should not be proud of that awful moment of weakness of mine. "Mike had been so demoralized by your rejection that I had almost felt pity for him. Almost." I smiled slyly. "But then he had dropped his eyes from you, cutting off my view of your face in his thoughts." That made me frown in irritation.

"I wasn't going to tolerate that. So I had turned to read your face myself, for the first time in more than a month. It had been a sharp relief to allow myself that, like a gasp of air to long-submerged human lungs. Your eyes had been closed, and your hands pressed against the sides of your face. Your shoulders curved inward defensively. You'd shaken your head ever so slightly, as if you'd been trying to push some thought from your mind. It had been frustrating. Fascinating." I felt the awe in my own voice. She had always brought wonderment out in me, my admiration and curiosity. "When your eyes finally, slowly opened, you had looked at me immediately, perhaps sensing my gaze. You had stared up into my eyes with the same bewildered expression that had haunted me for so long. I hadn't felt the remorse or the guilt or the rage in that second. I knew that they would come again, and come soon, but for that one moment I rode a strange, jittery high. As if I had triumphed, rather than lost." I said it bitterly, knowing all too well that that moment had been no triumph at all, but instead an unforgivable failure on my part.

"You hadn't looked away, though I had stared with inappropriate intensity, trying vainly to read your thoughts through your liquid brown eyes. They had been full of questions, rather than answers." That memory made the tension in my body soften. "I had seen the reflection of my own eyes, seen that they were black with thirst. It had been nearly two weeks since my last hunting trip; that had not been the safest day for my will to crumble. But the blackness did not seem to frighten you. You still didn't look away, and a soft, devastatingly appealing pink began to color your skin. I wondered what you were thinking then." I sighed.

"I almost asked the question aloud, but at that moment Mr. Banner had called my name. I picked the correct answer out of his head while I glanced briefly in his direction. Ah, but I had needed air to speak, so I had been forced to suck in a quick breath." I held my breath for a quick moment as I remembered it. "Thirst had scorched down my throat—tightening my muscles and filling my mouth with venom—and I had closed my eyes, trying to concentrate through the desire for your blood that raged inside me." I glared blackly then into the shadows of the surrounding forest, my jaw locked tight in anger.

"The monster in me was stronger than before, then. The monster was rejoicing. He had embraced this dual future that gave him an even, fifty-fifty chance at what he craved so viciously. The third, shaky future I'd tried to construct through willpower alone had crumbled—destroyed by common jealously, of all things—and he was so much closer to his goal." All consuming guilt pierced me as I remembered it. "The remorse and the guilt burned with the thirst, and, if I'd had the ability to produce tears, they would have filled my eyes then. For what had I done?" I hung my head in shame. "Knowing the battle was already lost, there seemed to be no reason to resist what I wanted; so I had turned to stare at you again." I frowned. "You had hidden in your hair, but I could see through a parting in the tresses that your cheek was deep crimson then. The monster in me liked that." I whispered remorsefully.

"You did not meet my gaze again, but instead twisted a strand of her dark hair nervously between your fingers. Your delicate fingers, your fragile wrist—they were so breakable, looking for all the world like just my breath could snap them." I shook my head. "But, no, no, _no_. I could not do that. You were too breakable, too good, too precious to deserve that fate. I couldn't allow my life to collide with yours, to destroy it. But I couldn't stay away from you either. Alice was right about that." I pressed my lips together tightly, my eyes falling back to the delicate wild flowers.

"The monster inside me hissed with frustration as I wavered, leaning first one way, then the other. My brief hour with you had passed all too quickly, as I vacillated between the rock and the hard place. When the bell had finally rung, you started collecting your things without looking at me. That disappointed me, but I could hardly have expected otherwise. The way I had treated you since the accident had been inexcusable." I sighed dejectedly.

"So I had said your name, to capture your attention, unable to stop myself because my willpower already lay in shreds at your feet." I sighed before turning my head finally, scanning the meadow for her again, wondering what it would take to make her reappear.

I grimaced as I imagined her reaction to hearing all of that. "I know you weren't particularly fond of how I went about things in the beginning, Bella." I sighed. "But in my mind, staying away from you had been the right thing to do, if only I could have kept it up." I frowned. "You have to understand, I was trying to save you from this Bella—from this awful fate that I condemned you to in the end—I didn't want this for you." I shook my head bitterly as my free hand balled into a fist at my side. "I loved you _too much_."

I waited, staring up into the impending twilight but there was nothing—not a word—not a sound from the emptiness. "It was all too clear then that I couldn't stay away from you, it had become an impossible feat to be without you, but still I had tried to warn you in some small way, even after my will power had succumbed to you." I sighed in disgust remembering the question I'd asked her as I had driven her home after she had fainted that day during blood typing—

"_Do you think that _I_could be scary?_" I'd asked her, trying to smile a little.

She'd thought it through before answering me in a serious voice. "_Hmm…I think you _could_be, if you wanted to._"

I was serious then, too. "_Are you frightened of me now?_"

She'd answered at once, not thinking that one through. "_No_."

I'd smiled more easily, stupidly elated by her sincerity. Though I hadn't thought that she had been entirely telling the truth, but nor had she been truly lying. I had realized then that she hadn't been frightened enough to want to leave, at least.

The memory made anger flush though me. "You _should _have been frightened." I spat bitterly. "But it seemed as if no matter what I said to you—no matter what I did—you were _utterly_ incapable of fearing me." I gritted my teeth in frustration—irritated by the fact that perhaps my hallucination may have been correct. Maybe there wasn't _anything_ that I could have ever done. "What a poor excuse for a vampire I was," I groaned, "unable to frighten one tiny, fragile human girl—the laughing stock of monsters everywhere, I'm sure." I sighed remembering Emmett's teasing—

"_Maybe you're not as scary as you think you are_," he had chuckled. "_I bet I could have frightened her better than _that."

"And, _maybe,_ I should have let him—seeing as how I had proved to be _utterly incapable_ of doing so." I muttered sourly. I imagined that somewhere Bella was frowning petulantly at me for saying that—it made a smile tug at the edge of my lips. She never had liked me insisting upon what I'd thought was best for her—even if I'd only been trying to protect her.

As I had stared at her that day, I had begun to feel almost agonized at the thought of saying even a temporary goodbye. She had just been so soft and vulnerable. It had seemed foolhardy to let her out of my sight, where anything could have happened to her. And yet, the worst things that could have happened to her—the worst thing that _did _happen to her—had resulted from being with me. I'd had no idea then—no comprehension at all—that even the worst things that I'd imagined in that moment hadn't even come close to being even remotely as horrific or as tragic as what _would _somedaycome to pass.

"_Will you do something for me this weekend?_" I'd asked her seriously.

She'd nodded, her eyes wide and bewildered by my intensity.

_Keep it light, _I'd reminded myself.

"_Don't be offended, but you seem to be one of those people who just attract accidents like a magnet. So…try not to fall into the ocean or get run over or anything, all right?_" I'd smiled ruefully at her, hoping that she couldn't see the sadness in my eyes. How much I'd wished that she wasn't so much better off away from me, no matter what might have happen to her there. How much I wished now that it hadn't ended up being true,

_Run, Bella, run,_ I had screamed at her silently, _I love you too much, for your good or mine._

She had been offended by my teasing anyway.

She'd glared at me. "_I'll see what I can do,_" she'd snapped, jumping out into the rain and slamming the door as hard as she could behind her.

Just like an angry kitten that believes it's a tiger.

Despite myself, I chuckled at the memory—_only_ _Bella,_ had possessed the power to break me from my sadness over the years since I'd lost her, even if only for a few precious moments. They were rare—those exquisite moments of happiness that broke through my darkness—and very fleeting. This one lasted longer than most, but then only a few short moments later my amusement was swept away—replaced once again by the remorse of my existence. No matter what would have happened to her had we never met—had she not been so unfortunate as to have inspired this first and only tragic love of mine—it would never have been as horrific as what _had_ happened to her. Still, the thought of those things shot terror and nearly unendurable anguish through me—those _things_ happening to _her_ without me in her life to protect her—it made me shudder. I'd told Emmett about my fear of those things once.

We'd been hunting together—he'd made a joke in an attempt to lighten my mood…and had failed.

_So serious all the time, _he'd sighed in his head, _what's bugging you now?_

"_Thinking about her. Well, worrying, really."_ I'd admitted.

"_What's there to worry about? _You_ are _here_."_ He'd laughed loudly in his big booming voice.

I'd ignored his joke again, but answered his question. "_Have you ever thought about how fragile they all are? How many bad things there are, that can happen to a mortal?"_

"_Not really. I guess I see what you mean, though. I wasn't much match for a bear that first time around, was I?"_ He'd grinned but I hadn't found it even remotely funny. In fact, it had only panicked me further.

"_Bears,_" I'd muttered miserably, adding a new fear to the pile then—although now, that pile had grown exponentially. I'd had time over the past decades to imagine them all, every possibly horrific scenario. "_That would be just her luck, wouldn't it? Stray bear in town. Of course it would head straight for Bella._"

That had made Emmett chuckle. "_You sound like a crazy person, do you know that?_"

"_Just imagine for one minute that Rosalie was human, Emmett. And she could run into a bear…or get hit by a car…or lightening…or fall down stairs…or get sick—get a disease!_" The words had burst from me stormily. It had been a relief to let them out—they'd been festering inside throughout that entire weekend. "_Fires and earthquakes and tornados! Ugh! When's the last time you watched the news? Have you seen the kinds of things that happen to them? Burglaries and homicides…_" My teeth had clenched together, and I had been abruptly so infuriated by the idea of another human hurting her that I hadn't been able to breathe.

There were so many other things that I hadn't mentioned then—electrocution and explosions, and poison. Human bodies were also so fragile—so easily breakable—all it would take to crush them was the right amount of pressure, the right weight of an object and the speed of its momentum—like that van—and then there were the infinite number of illnesses—heart attacks and cancer, brain aneurysms and strokes. They're existence was tied to a thousand delicately balanced chemical processes, all so easily disrupted. The rhythmic expansion of their lungs, the flow of oxygen, was life or death to them.

The fluttering cadence of Bella's fragile heart could have been stopped by so many stupid accidents or illnesses or…by me.

I hadn't know that in that moment—discussing my fears with Emmett that day—that I had named the very thing that would in the end—even though she had no longer been a fragile human but a vampire like myself—take Bella from me …as a direct result from being with me.

_Fire_.

"_Whoa, whoa! Hold up, there, kid." _Emmett had tried to calm me._ "She lives in Forks, remember? So she gets rained on._" He'd shrugged.

"_I think she has some serious bad luck, Emmett, I really do. Look at the evidence. Of all the places in the world she could go, she ends up in a town where vampires make up a significant portion of the population_."

"_Yeah, but we're vegetarians. So isn't that good luck, not bad?_"

"_With the way she smells? Definitely bad. And then, more bad luck, the way she smells to me._" I'd glowered at my hands, hating them then, though not nearly as much as I hated them now.

"_Except that you have more self-control than just about anyone but Carlisle. Good luck again_."

"_The van?_" I'd reminded him.

"_That was just an accident._"

"_You should have seen it coming for her, Em, again and again. I swear, it was like she had some kind of magnetic pull_."

"_But you were there. That was good luck._"

"_Was it? Isn't this the worst luck any human could ever possibly have—to have a vampire fall in love with them?_"

Yes, that had been the worst luck that any human could have ever had—especially true in Bella's case because she'd had the worst luck of anyone I'd ever known—of any creature that had ever existed in the universe—to have a vampire fall in love with her, and not just any vampire, but me in particular. I clenched my eyes shut in misery remembering the night I'd followed her to Port Angeles—another affirmation of her appalling bad luck—when a group of _human_ monsters had cornered her on an empty street.

The fury that had gripped me had been so fierce—for how dare they target her—the girl that I so desperately loved.

I had decided then that I would see how he—the group's vile leader—enjoyed the hunt when he was the prey. I would see what he thought of my style of hunting.

In another compartment of my head, I had already been sorting through the range of tortures I'd born witness to in my vigilante days, searching for the most painful of them. He would suffer for this. He would writhe in agony. The others would merely die for their part, but the monster named Lonnie would beg for death long before I would give him that gift.

Bella had jumped through the open door when I had arrived, without hesitating, pulling the door shut behind her.

And then she had looked up at me with the most trustful expression that I had ever seen on a human face, and all my violent plans had crumbled.

It had taken much, much less than a second then for me to see that I could not leave her in the car in order to deal with the four men in the street.

What would I have told her, not to watch? Ha! When did she ever do what I asked? When did she ever do the safe thing?

I had wondered those things then, but they were just as true now.

Even afterwards—even when she was no longer a fragile human—she'd hardly ever done what I had asked—had even more rarely ever done the safe thing.

Like a magnet, she drew all things dangerous toward herself—_including me_.

I had realized then that I couldn't let her out of my sight.

Instead I had accelerated, taking her away from her pursuers so quickly that they had gaped after my car with uncomprehending expressions.

I couldn't even hit him with my car I had realized disappointedly, because I had been sure that it would have frightened her.

But I had wanted his death so savagely that the need for it had rung in my ears and had clouded my sight and had been a flavor on my tongue. My muscles had been coiled with the urgency, the craving, the necessity of it. I had wanted to kill him—wanted to peel him slowly apart, piece by piece, skin from muscle, muscle from bone…

Except that the girl—the only girl in the world—had been clinging to her seat with both hands, staring at me, her eyes still wide and utterly trusting.

I'd known in that moment that my vengeance would have to wait.

"_Are you okay?_" she had asked me a few moments later.

_She_ had wanted to know if _I_ was okay.

I had thought about her question for a fraction of a second. Not long enough for her to notice the hesitation. Was I okay?

"_No_," I had realized—I was absolutely _not _okay—and my tone had seethed with rage.

I'd taken her back to the same unused drive where I'd spent that afternoon engaged in the poorest surveillance ever kept. It was black then under the trees.

She'd told me years later that she had seen a car like mine that day and that it had been what had caused her to not pay attention to where she had been going—infuriated as she was by the reminder of _me_. I had always seemed to be the cause for her need to be rescued, although unintentionally.

I had been so furious in that moment—glaring violently out the windshield—that my body had frozen in place there, utterly motionless. My icelocked hands had ached to crush her attacker, to grind him into pieces so mangled that his body could never be identified….

But that would have entailed leaving her there alone, unprotected in the dark night, and I just couldn't do that.

"_Bella?_" I had asked through my teeth.

"_Yes?_" she'd responded huskily before clearing her throat.

"_Are you all right?_" That had really been the most important thing, the first priority.

Retribution had been secondary. I had known that, but my body had been so filled with rage that it had been hard to think.

"_Yes._" Her voice had still been thick—with fear, no doubt.

And so I could not leave her, I had decided.

Even if she hadn't been at constant risk for some infuriating reason—some joke the universe had been playing on me—even if I could have been sure that she would have been perfectly safe in my absence, I could not leave her then, alone in the dark.

I had thought then of how she must have been so frightened.

Yet I had been in no condition to comfort her—even if I had known exactly how that could have been accomplished, which I hadn't. I had been sure that she had to have felt the brutality radiating out of me, sure that that much had been obvious—convinced that I would have frightened her even more if I could not calm the lust for slaughter that had been boiling inside me.

I had needed to think about something else.

"_Distract me, please_," I had pleaded.

"_I'm sorry, what?"_

I had barely had enough control to try to explain what I had needed.

"_Just prattle about something unimportant until I calm down,_" I had instructed her, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger, my jaw still locked.

Only the fact that she needed me had held me inside the car.

"_Um…_" She'd hesitated. "_I'm going to run over Tyler Crowley tomorrow before school?_" She had said it like it was a question. My mouth had twitched.

Yes—that had been what I'd needed. Of course Bella would have come up with something unexpected. Like it had been before, the threat of violence coming through her lips had been hilarious to me—so comical it was jarring. If I had not been burning with the urge to kill in that moment, I would have laughed.

And if the past seventeen years of my existence hadn't been a deep, black void of despair without her then I might have laughed now, too.

"_Why?_"

"_He's telling everyone that he's taking me to prom,_" she'd said, her voice filled with her tiger-kitten outrage. "_Either he's insane or he's still trying to make up for almost killing me last…well you remember it_," she'd inserted dryly, "_and he thinks prom is somehow the correct way to do this. So I figure if I endanger his life, then we're even, and he can't keep trying to make amends. I don't need enemies and maybe Lauren would back off if he left me alone. I might have to total his Sentra, though,_" she'd gone on, thoughtful then. "_If he doesn't have a ride he can't take anyone to prom…_"

It had been encouraging then to see that she had sometimes gotten things wrong. I had known that Tyler's persistence had had nothing to do with the accident. She hadn't seemed to understand the appeal she'd held for the human boys at the high school. I had wondered then if she didn't see the appeal she'd garnered from me, either.

But, ah, it had been working. The baffling processes of her mind had always been engrossing. I had begun to gain control of myself, to see something beyond vengeance and torture…

"_I heard about that_," I'd told her. She had stopped talking, and I had needed her to continue.

"_You did?_" she'd asked incredulously. And then her voice had been angrier than before. "_If he's paralyzed from the neck down, he can't go to the prom either_."

I had wished that there had been some way I could have asked her to continue with the threats of death and bodily harm without sounding insane. She couldn't have picked a better way to calm me. And her words—just sarcasm in her case, hyperbole—had been a reminder I had dearly needed in that moment.

I had sighed, and opened my eyes.

"_Better?_" she'd asked timidly.

"_Not really._"

No, I had been calmer, but not better. Because I'd just realized that I could not kill the monster named Lonnie, and I still wanted that more than almost anything else in the world. Almost.

The only thing in that moment that I had wanted more than to commit a highly justifiable murder, had been that girl. And, though I had been sure that I couldn't ever have her, just the dream of having her had made it impossible for me to go on a killing spree that night—no matter how defensible such a thing might be.

Because Bella deserved better than a killer.

I'd spent seven decades before that moment trying to be something other than that—anything other than a killer. I was certain that those years of effort could never make me worthy of that girl sitting beside me. And yet, I had felt that if I had returned to that life—the life of a killer—for even one night, I would have surely put her out of my reach forever. I had been trying to be good enough for her. It had been an impossible goal. I would keep trying.

I was _still_ trying.

Even though she was gone—even though I'd lost her—I was still trying to deserve her.

I was still trying to keep from putting her out of my reach forever.

I was still trying.

That was why she had appeared to me that first night—the night I'd been so determined to end my existence once and for all—and in turn had stopped me from returning to that life.

I was still trying because _I _couldn't bear the thought of damning myself for all eternity by ending my own life or by once again becoming a killer.

I was still trying because _I _couldn't bear the thought of never being with her again—wherever she was.

I didn't know if it were even possible—convinced that no matter how _good _I tried to be that it would never be enough—but I would keep trying anyway, fight my way through the moments like the one that night when I'd wanted to give in.

"_What's wrong?_" she had whispered when I had leaned my head back against the seat, staring at the ceiling of the car, my face rigid.

Her breath had filled my nose, and I had been reminded why I could not deserve her then. After all of that, even with as much as I loved her…she had still made my mouth water.

I had given her as much honesty as I could. I had owed her that.

"_Sometimes I have a problem with my temper, Bella_." I had stared out into the black night, wishing both that she would hear the horror inherent in my words and also that she would not. Mostly that she would not.

_Run, Bella, run, _I had screamed silently.

_Stay, Bella, stay, _I had begged.

"But _it wouldn't be helpful for me to turn around and hunt down those…_" Just thinking about it had almost pulled me from the car. I'd taken a deep breath, letting her scent scorch down my throat. "_At least, that's what I'm trying to convince myself_."

"_Oh_."

She had said nothing else and I had wondered how much she had heard in my words. I glanced at her furtively, but her face had been unreadable. Blank with shock, perhaps. Well, she hadn't been screaming. Not then, at least.

No, she hadn't been screaming then, of course, I knew why _now_.

It was quiet for a moment. I had warred with myself, trying to be what I should have been.

What I could never be.

"_Jessica and Angela will be worried_," she'd said quietly. Her voice was very calm, and I hadn't been able to fathom how that could be. I had wondered if she was in shock—that maybe that nights events hadn't sunk in for her yet. "_I was supposed to meet them_."

Did she want to be away from me? Or was she just worried about her friends' worry?

I had wondered those things.

I didn't answer her, but I started the car then and took her back. Every inch closer I'd gotten to the town, the harder it had been to hold on to my purpose, because I had just been so close to him…

If it were impossible—if I could never have nor deserve that girl—then where was the sense in letting the man go unpunished? Surely I could allow myself that much…

For one tiny moment I had slipped—for one tiny moment I had wanted to give in.

In the subsequent years since losing her, my mind had often trailed back to that night—one of the many nights that had changed everything—wishing that I could go back and do all of the depraved things that I had wanted to do to him then—to peel him slowly apart, piece by piece, skin from muscle, muscle from bone—to torture that…_monster_.

And to torture every monster thereafter that had ever threatened to take her from me.

James.

Laurent.

Victoria.

Zachary.

Aro.

I'd wanted to go back and torture each of them.

James's death had been quicker than he'd deserved—I'd been too concerned with Bella's life to waste any time when destroying him.

The wolves had taken care of Laurent, robbing me of that pleasure.

Victoria's death had also been much quicker than she'd deserved, because once again, Bella's safety had been in the forefront of my mind.

Bella had ended Zachary, sacrificing herself in the process.

With Aro, however, I had gotten my wish, because Bella was gone, and then there had been nothing else that I had wanted more—nothing else that had mattered more—than to make him suffer.

I had often yearned repeatedly for another chance to torture him all over again, I still did.

Then, however—just as it always had, even since losing her—my resolve had returned.

No. I wasn't giving up. Not yet, I'd decided then. I'd wanted her too much to surrender so easily.

So I had tried to be _good—_to somehow deserve her.

I had fought to keep her safe from myself for so long, that being confronted with the very real possibility that something—other than myself—was hazardous to her, had made me erect excuse after excuse for staying. I'd thought of several excuses later that night when we had been alone in Port Angeles, but as usual Bella had already been several steps ahead of me—intuitive as she was—knowing that there had been a very embarrassing reason for why I had been able to find her and save her. Like before, I had become a stalker. An obsessed stalker. An obsessed vampire stalker.

She had never reacted to me in the ways that I thought that she ought to have, of course—she'd already ferreted out my secrets, although I'd been unaware at the time.

"_How did you know where…?_" Bella's unfinished question had interrupted me when I'd pulled up to the restaurant, and I had realized that I had made yet another gaffe. I'd been too distracted to remember to ask her where she was supposed to be meeting her friends.

But, instead of finishing the inquiry and pressing the point, Bella had just shaken her head and half-smiled.

I rolled my eyes thinking of it. "I suppose you garnered some secret pleasure from that, didn't you?" I sighed, my cool breath mingling with the warm, evening summer air, "Your own little private joke in your head." I frowned at that. "I had puzzled over your strange acceptance of my even stranger knowledge, wondering what that smile had meant." I shook my head in disbelief. "But you'd known that entire time about my little secret—that I could read minds—you'd pretty much figured out by then that I was a _monster_, hadn't you?" I pressed my lips into a tight line. "Your calmness—your insanely blind trust with being near me—perhaps that's why I seemed to have been unable to leave you that night, because with you already knowing the truth you had turned the tables on me as your savior, and made me the one who had felt safer in your presence—safe from my violent desires to commit murder." My lips twitched, half amused and half furious. Violent desires indeed, some scary vampire I had turned out to be.

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So, this is the part where you leave me all of the lovely reviews right? ;)


	13. Hope Shines Here

**A/N:** It feels silly to think that I need to justify myself or my writing, but seeing as how I truly want everyone to understand the necessity for how I've gone about this, I'm going to explain.

Edward is an emotional masochist.

Bella is the epitome of Murphy's Law.

That should explain everything but I guess it just doesn't.

If anyone and I mean _anyone _thinks that Edward is just going to go 'poof' and be all better, then they are fooling themselves. He wasn't even 'slightly 'okay' the first time around, and by okay I mean, not a self-loathing, 'I'm a monster and I have no soul'/ 'everything is my fault' believing, emotionally masochistic, male vampire.

I want YOU the reader to understand just how broken Edward is too.

I know most of you are like "Dude, he's standing in a field by himself having a conversation with his imagination's version of his dead wife, and even if he wasn't doing that then I'm pretty sure that we get the point."

This point in the story is very crucial—because it is the whole point to everything it will tie into the rest of the story later.

One of my readers told me: "_His hallucinations of Bella trying to keep him from harm mirror Bella's hallucinations in New Moon. To me it underlines the two halves of a whole soul theme._"

That's why this is important, what with Edward's depressing perspective on everything but I think that reflecting on these specific moments will help highlight the reason for the difficulty in healing him later. After all, if I don't accurately explain how broken he is, then people are going to get irritated when he sees Bella and doesn't immeadeatly go *poof* all better.

All of this helps to remind those who may have somehow not noticed that Edward is the most pessimistic and masochistic character ever, along with the most self-deprecating. That is something that needs to be...well, not erased but definitely toned down. Bella has her work cut out for her.

The ONLY reason I think that it's necessary for me to go into such detail about his day in the meadow with his hallucination of Bella is because it is VERY important that present day Bella is fully seeing just how much self-loathing he has, and has always had. Her death just kind of brought it out in full force.

I know, I know. *sigh* I warned you guys that it would be a few chapters before the reunion, but it's sooooo close, it's next! The reunion isn't even the climax of the story, there's a larger plot in the making. It is VERY important that these chapters inside Edward's head convey's how broken he is. Remembering his past with Bella is the only time when he 'stable' mentally. I know you guys may not like it, but in the end once we FINALLY get to the reunion, you will be like "Okay, I get why he's thinking this right now." when he does the things that he's going to do or says the things that he's going to say. How Bella reacted when she didn't believe that it was really him at the end of New Moon is a cakewalk compared to Edward's reaction.

These chapters are hard for me to write, truly they are. They're painful and depressing but I promise that the delayed gratification is completely worth it. I know to some it is maddening to wade through Edward's incessant depressive memories and thoughts but hearing them is an integral part of the story. Having a fresh reminder of their love story, and his feelings about it helps explain things that will happen in later chapters so much better.

It is important that right now Bella is seeing these thoughts through Edward and finally seeing for herself what he has been through during the time that she has been dead. Bella can understand better than anyone too, because as we all know, she saw similar hallucinations during her 'zombie phase' in New Moon.

Perhaps once I've finished the story, I will go back and edit these chapters and cut them down to Bella thinking 'I saw everything Edward was thinking, every single moment he remembered, and I finally understood just how broken he'd become.' And then *boom* we'll jump from her calling out to him in the woods to their reunion, but as of right now, for me to remain in the correct mind frame for the reunion, this is very VERY necessary_._

I know that him rehashing everything is making people impatient but the wait just fuels the anticipation and will really contrast with the _reunion__. I think the reason that I describe so much with Edward is because he's very self aware, and his thought process is so intricate and due to the depression he is very in tune with how it's affecting him._

Port Angeles in Midnight Sun was a huge part of why Edward's mindset suddenly made so much more sense. It was pivotal. That's why this part is so important. I know it's not fun to watch, it's fun to write...but really, really hard to write which is odd, because I write faster when everything is original. Basically chopping up Midnight Sun and having Edward react to his memories was very difficult to write because he's basically reverted back to his self-loathing from the beginning of Midnight Sun but it's 1000 times magnified and more intense because it's mingled with grief. He didn't know what he was missing then...but now he does.

He does have to live with himself, but just as Emmett told him "Eternity is a long time to wallow in guilt." That really is what Bella has to make him see, it's HUGE, I cannot express enough how monumental that line is.

So here it is, THE LAST chapter before the reunion, bear with me, it gets rocky.

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The dying light of the sun was billowing off of the clouds that rolled in; indicating the impending night, it threw colors into the sky, turning them a vivid, bloody orange, filling me with despair. I sighed. I was running out of light. "Only you could be more important than what I wanted, Bella," I murmured, and that thought made me sad for some unfathomable reason. "Even in the midst of my desire to hunt each of your assailants down back then, my need to keep you safe still overrode everything. So I had attempted to be on my best behavior." I glared at the darkening colors of the sky in frustration. "Even we scary vampires have manners you know?" I glowered. "But as always, you made it impossible to do so."

I had opened my door to get out.

"_What are you doing?_" she had asked, sounding startled.

_Not letting you out of my sight. Not allowing myself to be alone tonight. In that order_, I had answered in my head.

"_I'm taking you to dinner,_" I had said out loud.

_Well this should be interesting, _I remember thinking wryly.

And there I was, practically on a date with her. Only it hadn't counted, because I hadn't been giving her a chance to say no.

She'd already had her door half open before I'd walked around the car—it wasn't usually so frustrating to have to move at an inconspicuous speed—instead of waiting for me to get it for her. Was that because she hadn't been used to being treated like a lady, or because she hadn't thought of me as a gentleman?

"Sometimes, you drove me absolutely insane, Bella," I muttered sourly. "I'd tried to be a gentleman then, but I suppose I'm not a gentleman, not really—if I were, then I would have stayed away from you. I still tried though," I mumbled. "But, every step I took to do the right thing by you, to keep you safe, never seemed to go as planned." I sighed blinking as my eyes once again scanned the tree line where the sun was still making its slow descent—my hope that she would again appear to me diminishing in turn. "That's all that ever really mattered to me, you know? To keep you safe," I murmured softly. "I should have stayed away from you. That was the right thing."

My eyes flickered to movement in the tree line, and I knew that had I been human, my heart would have begun to race, thrilled so by the idea of the reappearance of my hallucination of her. A moment later I felt my sudden hope shatter when I realized that it had only been an animal moving in the forest. My disappointment made me bitter—made me continue my rant with renewed zeal.

"It was a hard thing to do with the way you appealed to me though. How fiercely I wanted, not only your blood, but you!" I hissed indignantly. "And I shouldn't have wanted you Bella, not in that way." My voice was full of denial. "Besides my mother's love when I had been human, there had been no other love that had made me wish to stay. It was entirely new to me. I had had no parallels to draw, no comparisons to make. The love I had felt for you had come purely, but then the waters had been muddied by desire." I felt my intense agony rip through me. "Lust," I spat the word, "The deadly sin that would be my undoing." I shook my head in disgust at myself. "My deplorable attraction towards you." I sighed.

"Attraction. It was a problematic thing to contemplate. So many sides to it, so many different meanings and levels. Not the same thing as love, but tied up in it inextricably." I repeated the thoughts I had had in regards to my attraction towards her in the beginning, remembering when I had first considered her, bemused by the wide range of havoc and upheaval that, despite her ordinary, unthreatening appearance, she had been wreaking upon my life.

I remember that upon first glance I had thought that she had been actually rather pretty…in an unusual way. Better than being beautiful, her face had been interesting. Not quite symmetrical—her narrow chin out of balance with her wide cheekbones—extreme in the coloring due to her blush—the light and dark contrast of her skin and her hair, and then there had been her eyes, brimming over with silent secrets.

Later—when I had still been in denial about the fact I was falling hopelessly in love with her—I had retracted my previous assessment of her. Wondering how I had really once thought her average-looking, not understanding why I had not found her beautiful immediately. It had seemed like an obvious thing then—with her dark hair tangled and wild around her pale face, wearing a threadbare t-shirt full of holes with tatty sweatpants, her features relaxed in unconsciousness, her full lips slightly parted—she had taken my breath away. Or would have, I had thought wryly, if I had been breathing, but I hadn't been, trying to keep her scent from overpowering my senses.

"Attraction had been an impossible dilemma at the time, because I was already too attracted to you in the worst way," I admitted softly.

Even after decades without it, I could still remember the scent of her sweet blood, and the memory of it still made my throat tighten and tingle. Not as powerful as before, not an aching burn as it had been in the beginning, when I had imagined her fine, thin, see-through skin and the hot, wet, pulsing blood beneath its surface—because I had been conditioned to shy away from any urges—my thirst most importantly—that could have caused her harm.

Immediately my body went still when I thought of all the times in the beginning when I had allowed my mind to twist with fantasies that had had absolutely nothing to do with her blood. Me with my arms wrapped around her fragile body, pulling her tightly against my chest. And then, cupping my hand under her chin, brushing the heavy curtain of her hair back from her blushing face, tracing the shape of her full lips with my fingertips, leaning my face closer to hers, where I could feel the heat of her breath on my mouth, and then moving closer still, my lips to her lips, cold stone to warm, yielding silk…

_And then she dies. _

I shook my head, smiling wryly at myself when I remembered that particular time when I'd thought that. Though, it wasn't funny, not really. Back then, kissing her _could_ have killed her, but still I had wanted to kiss her…so _badly_. And memories of her, like that night in Port Angeles, when she had been wearing the soft blue blouse, the fabric clinging to her skin in such an appealing way, cut low enough to reveal the mesmerizing way her collar bones curled away from the hollow beneath her throat—overwhelmed me. The way the blue had flowed like water along the subtle shape of her body, her slender figure with all of her delicate curves and soft lines, watching the blood spreading under her skin, noticing not how that made my throat flame then, but rather how it brightened her fair face, how it set off the cream of her skin, cream and roses against the deep blue of her shirt—memories like that had made it impossible for me to _not _want her. I shuddered as desire rippled through me then, closing my eyes and clenching my teeth against the waves that washed over my body, holding still until I could regain control over myself. I was sure that when I opened my eyes again that they were blazing.

"So I couldn't afford to make mistakes with you." My voice was thick with the desire that that memory had evoked. I tried to shake it off, clearing my throat. "And it would have been a monumental mistake to dwell on the strange hungers that thoughts of your lips…your skin…your body…were shaking loose inside of me. Hungers that had evaded me for a hundred years." I murmured. "I couldn't keep myself from wanting you, Bella." I sighed miserably. "Even though it only encouraged me to yearn for you to want me in return—and to search for ways to make it so." I remember wishing foolishly to have the same effect on Bella that I had seemed to have on the other human females who had responded so…_enthusiastically_ towards me, wondering then if it were even possible.

"Once, I had tried to compare your physical responses to me, like the school secretary and Jessica Stanley, but the comparison had been inconclusive." The same markers—changes in heart rate and breathing patterns—could just have easily meant fear or shock or anxiety as they did interest. "But no, I had realized then that I shouldn't have wanted you to be attracted to me that way. Because I was not a human man, and that wouldn't have been fair to you." I frowned.

"And, yet, with every fiber of my being, I had ached to be a normal man, so that I could have held you in my arms without risking your life." I moaned solemnly, wishing that I could have been free back then to spin my own fantasies, fantasies that wouldn't have ended with her blood on my hands, her blood glowing in my eyes. My pursuit of her had been indefensible. What kind of relationship could I have offered her, I had thought, when I couldn't even risk touching her? I had hung my head in my hands then, just as I almost did now, because I still ached to be human, to have been human then, for her.

"I had never felt more human before that night," I whispered. "Because I had never dreamed that you would ever feel that way towards me in return Bella, but I had wanted you to." I sighed trying to keep the swell of happiness from breaking free of my sadness. "Even though it was _wrong_," I muttered.

Somehow, that night in Port Angeles, she had sent her friends away, truly wanting to be alone with me—even then, after witnessing my homicidal rage.

"I remember how the hostess of the restaurant had responded blatantly to me in front of you. It had seemed to be my night to turn heads. Or had I only been noticing it more then, because I had wished so much that you would have seen me that way?" I frowned. "We are always attractive to our prey. I'd never thought so much about it before then. Usually—unless, as it had been with people like Shelly Cope and Jessica Stanley, there had always been constant repetition to dull the horror—the fear had always kicked in fairly quickly after the initial attraction." My mouth twisted in frustration.

"Human eyes were clouded—they saw nothing clearly. The hostess had been dismissive of your presence and I had wondered how that small-minded woman could have found my physical lures—snares for prey—so attractive, and yet had been unable to see the soft perfection of you beside me?" That memory still irritated me. "I had been slightly annoyed by her resentful attitude towards you, so had I smiled widely at her, baring my teeth. Letting her see me clearly. But oddly, she still hadn't been frightened of me. I had thought that perhaps Emmett had been right, perhaps I was losing my edge." I frowned remembering when I had thought that.

"And then you had said those words…" I trailed off my voice having an almost dream-like quality to it as slowly the memory changed, filling me with a silent overpowering awe.

"_You really shouldn't do that to people_," Bella had interrupted my thoughts then in a disapproving tone. "_It's hardly fair._"

I had stared at her critical expression not understanding what she had meant—after all, I hadn't frightened the hostess, despite my intentions.

"_Do what?_"

"_Dazzle them like that—she's probably hyperventilating in the kitchen right now_."

Bella had very nearly been right. The hostess had been only semi-coherent at that moment, describing her incorrect assessment of me to her friend on the wait staff.

"_Oh, come on_," Bella had chided me when I hadn't answered immediately. "_You have to know the effect you have on people_."

"_I dazzle people?_" That had been an interesting way of phrasing it. Accurate enough for that night. I had wondered why the difference…

"_You haven't noticed?_" she had asked, still critical. "_Do you think everybody gets their way so easily?_"

"_Do I dazzle you?_" I had voiced my curiosity impulsively, and then the words had been out, and it had been too late to recall them.

But before I had had time to too deeply regret speaking the words aloud she had answered, "_Frequently._" And her cheeks had taken on a faint pink glow.

I had dazzled her.

And my silent heart had swelled with a hope more intense than I could ever remember having felt before that moment.

I shook off the feeling of wonderment, not allowing myself to remember how it felt to hope. "Later, in a sudden moment of perception, hearing the way my voice sounded in the inconsequential human head of the waitress, I had realized why I'd seemed to be attracting so much admiration that night—unmarred by the usual fear. It had been because of you, Bella." I sighed sadly. "Trying so hard to be safe for you, to be less frightening, to be human, I truly had lost my edge. The other humans saw only beauty then, with my innate horror so carefully under control."

It had been sort of humorous, when I had finally understood the reason back then.

It wasn't funny to me now.

"I'd once thought of your temper like a kitten that believed it was a tiger but you had flipped that around on me, and turned me into a harmless boy instead of the violent monster I truly was. Everything dangerous became backwards around you." I shook my head remembering the absurdity of it. "That night also explains why perhaps there would have never been anything that I could have ever said or done to save you—to convince you that I wasn't good for you—short of leaving you, and of course, I had been incapable at the time of doing that too." I frowned darkly when for a split second my mind flashed back to the day when I had finally found the strength to leave her…

I shook it off. I would get to that part later—mentally torture myself for it for the billionth time, but now—now I was back to Bella…and to the strange, unfathomable workings of her mind.

I began turning the bottle cap over and again in my palm, using it as an anchor to hold me in place, to keep me focused. "I had been sure that you were going into shock as I sat there watching you—waiting for it after what you had been through that night." I shook my head in frustration. "But then you told me that you'd 'always been good at repressing unpleasant things'." I quit turning to bottle cap for a moment as a thought struck me. "Strange, I've never really recalled that moment again before now." I replayed it in my head curiously. "And to think, it had practically been a warning in itself to me—that your life always had been and always would be so…hazardous." My head tilted thoughtfully and it made me smile knowingly. "Perhaps we were both terrible at warning the other of the truth, though to be fair, I tried much harder than you did to get my point across." I almost chuckled.

"I had a bad habit of underestimating you back then, Bella. I think if sometimes I could have known what you were thinking then I may not have used such poor judgment when trying to keep you safe all of the time." I shook my head in amusement. "And at least then I wouldn't have been so shocked by some of the things that you'd said to me in the beginning."

"_Really_," she'd objected as she sat across the table from me. "_I'm not going into shock_."

"_You should be—a normal person would be. You don't even look shaken_." I had stared at her, disapproving, wondering why she couldn't be normal and then wondering if I really wanted her to be that way.

"_I feel very safe with you_," she'd said, her eyes, filling with trust. Trust I hadn't deserved.

"Your instincts had been all wrong—backwards. That must have been the problem. You hadn't recognized danger the way a human being should have been able to. You always had the opposite reaction. Instead of running, you always lingered, drawn to what should have frightened you. How could I have protected you from myself when neither of us had wanted that?" I asked my voice full of incredulity.

I sighed. "I'd thought that perhaps we had been about to have a simple conversation that night, but again, everything was backwards with you, nothing went the way it was supposed to when you were around," I murmured dryly. "And, you'd always been very observant, so I guess it shouldn't have surprised me when you brought to my attention that you'd noticed the change in my eye color. Back then, it had left me reeling, caught me off guard and had filled me with a deep sense of dread, wondering how close you'd come to figuring out the truth about me." I grimaced as I remembered the memory of my fear. "Of course, your behavior that night makes perfect sense to me now. There you were, entirely nonchalant, talking with me as if you weren't discussing the aspects of a monster with the monster himself." I glared at nothing in particular. "I'd thought that surely you wouldn't have been speaking so calmly that night if you'd been about to scream, if you had really known the truth all along." I frowned at my mistake. "But you _had_ known, which is why you then refused to tell me your theories until later in the car, unwilling to speak your guesses around others, and although I couldn't have been sure of how much you really knew, I had been sure then that it was going to be very bad."

I rolled my eyes in aggravation as I remembered the conversation. "Then you'd qualified your theories under certain conditions, and I had known then, that your questions would probably be enough to tell me where your thoughts wereheading. But how would I answer them I'd wondered? With responsible lies? Or would I drive youaway with truth? Or would I say nothing, unable to decide? Back then, I hadn't been sure as to what to do, mostly because I didn't know what you were thinking." I growled in frustration. "And then you did it…admitted to knowing about my…ability—my mind reading." I huffed indignantly. "It could have been worse I suppose." I shrugged helplessly. "You were quick—no one else had ever guessed that about me. Except for Carlisle, and it had been rather obvious then, in the beginning, when I'd answered all his thoughts as if he'd spoken them to me. He'd understood before I had." I contemplated that for a moment. "That revelation of yours hadn't been so bad. While it had been clear that you knew that there was something wrong with me, it wasn't as serious as I'd thought that it could have been. Mind-reading is, after all, not a facet of the vampire cannon." I smirked at that.

"I went along with your hypothesis—played along with your little game, not understanding your enthusiasm because how could you have really thought that the truth would be a good thing? After all, if my secrets were pleasant, why would I have been keeping them from you?" I sighed. "I'd wanted to tell you. I'd wanted to deserve the trust I could still see on your face then."

"_You can trust me, you know_," she'd whispered, and she'd reached one hand forward as if to touch my hands where they'd rested on top of the empty table before me. I had pulled them back—hating the thought of her reaction then to my frigid stone skin—and she had dropped hers. I'd known then that I could trust her with protecting my secrets—she'd been entirely trustworthy, good to the core. But I couldn't trust her not to be horrified by me.

She should have been horrified. The truth was horror.

"_I don't know if I have a choice anymore_," I'd murmured and remembered that I'd once teased her by calling her 'exceptionally unobservant.' and had offended her—if I'd been judging her expression correctly. Well, I knew that I could right that one injustice then, at least. "_I was wrong—you're much more observant than I gave you credit for._" And, though she might not have realized it then, I'd given her plenty of credit already. She had missed nothing.

"_I thought you were always right_," she'd said, smiling as she teased me.

"_I used to be._"

"I used to know what I was doing. I used to always be sure of my course. And then everything had become chaos and tumult once you'd entered my life." I murmured in frustration. "The strange magnetic pull of Murphy's Law that surrounded you seemed to have infected my life as well." I let a tight smile slip out as I remembered what I'd said next.

"_I was wrong about you on one other thing as well,_" I'd gone on, setting the record straight on another point. "_You're not a magnet for accidents—that's not a broad enough classification. You are a magnet for trouble. If there is anything dangerous within a ten mile radius, it will invariably find you._"

The truth of those words twisted through my chest. "Why you? I wanted to know then. What had you done to deserve any of that?" I pleaded to the emptiness of the meadow. "What did you ever do to deserve what I put you through?" I sighed. "I tried to tell you, our entire conversation that night had been filled with every single warning that I could think of."

Her face had turned serious again. "And _you put yourself into that category?_"

Honesty had been more important in regards to that question than any other.

"_Unequivocally._"

Her eyes had narrowed slightly—not suspicious then, but oddly concerned. Then she'd reached her hand across the table again, slowly and deliberately. So, I had pulled my hands an inch away from her, but she had ignored that, determined to touch me. I'd held my breath—not because of her scent then, but because of the sudden, overwhelming tension. Fear. I'd been sure that my skin would disgust her. The she would have run away then.

"But you didn't run." That fact still amazed and bewildered me.

She'd brushed her fingertips lightly across the back of my hand. The heat of her gentle, willing touch had been like nothing I'd ever felt before. It had almost been pure pleasure. Would have been, except for my fear. I'd watched her face as she'd felt the cold stone of my skin, still unable to breathe.

A half-smile had turned up the corners of her lips.

"_Thank you_," she'd said, meeting my stare with an intense gaze of her own. "_That's twice now_." Her soft fingers had lingered on my hand as if they'd found it pleasant to be there.

I'd answered her as casually as I'd been able to. "_Let's not try for three, agreed?_"

She grimaced at that, but had nodded.

I'd pulled my hands out from under hers then. As exquisite as her touch had felt, I wasn't going to wait for the magic of her tolerance to pass, to turn to revulsion. I'd hid my hands under the table.

I'd read her eyes then—though her mind was silent, I perceived both trust and wonder there and I had realized in that moment that I'd wanted to answer her questions. Not because I had owed it to her. Not because I'd wanted her to trust me.

I'd wanted her to know me.

"Then the words had spilled out too quickly for me to edit them as I admitted to following you to Port Angeles. I'd known the danger of the truth, the risk I'd been taking. At any moment, your unnatural calm could have shatter into hysterics. Contrarily, knowing that only had me talking faster." I sighed wearily.

"_I've never tried to keep a specific person alive before and it's much more troublesome than I would have believed. But that's probably just because it's you. Ordinary people seem to make it through the day without so many catastrophes."_

"I'd just admitted to stalking you and you were smiling." I rolled my eyes, shaking my head in disbelief.

"_Did you ever think that maybe my number was up that first time, with the van, and that you've been interfering with fate?_" she'd asked.

"_That wasn't the first time_," I'd replied. My barriers were down then, the truth spilling free recklessly. "_Your number was up the first time I met you."_

I shuddered as the very first moment I'd smelled her crashed over me. "The memory of that moment is branded into my memory, as permanently embedded in my mind as the fiery torture of my transformation. It's something that the monster I am will never…ever…forget." My voice was tight as the thirst ignited into flames, scorching my throat just from the memory. "You walked into the flow of the heated air that had been blowing towards me from the vent and your scent had hit me like wrecking ball, like a battering ram." It hit me all over again making me choke on invisible tears.

"There is no image violent enough to encapsulate the force of what happened to me in that moment." I whispered hoarsely as it cracked from the wave of anguish that flooded me. "In that instant, I had been nothing close to the human I'd once been—no trace of the shreds of humanity I'd managed to cloak myself in had remained." My voice was barely a whisper, strangled so viciously in agony. "I was a predator. You were my prey. There had been nothing else in the whole world but that truth." I convulsed violently and collapsed to my knees, bracing myself with one hand as the other covered my face, my fingers like claws wanting to rip it away.

"There'd been no room full of witnesses to me then—they'd already become collateral damage in my head. The mystery of your thoughts had been forgotten as well. Your thoughts had meant nothing then, for you would not go on thinking them much longer." I clenched my eyes shut as my fingers raked over my face as if I could scrape the image out of my eyes. "I was a vampire, and you had the sweetest blood I'd smelled in eighty years." My voice was mangled by the vileness of the words as I sucked in a shaky breath between my teeth.

The force of my pain left me gasping for air that I did not need to breathe, and I was afraid to uncover my eyes, afraid that I would see her standing before me again and that finally she would run screaming in horror as I always believed that she someday would. I wasn't a coward. I slid my hand away and blinked up at the unobstructed view of the kaleidoscope of colors blending seamlessly into the sky.

I swallowed harshly and pushed the memory of that moment as far away as I could muster—forcing it back into the darkest corner of my mind and the thirst receded with it. It was all true, and I hated it. From the beginning I had been positioned over her life like the blade of a guillotine. It was as if she had been marked for death by some cruel, unjust fate, and—since I'd proved an unwilling tool in the beginning—that same fate had continued to try to execute her then, until finally it had succeeded.

"I'd admitted to wanting to kill you, Bella," I shuddered, "Waiting for the screams—yet there you sat, calmly watching me, as I wondered how you could care about the rest of anything with that glaring truth on the table." I worked hard to make my voice calm and even again. "My thirst then only reminded me that the pain meant that you were alive. As long as I burned, you were safe. You were too vulnerable for this world. You needed a protector. And, through some twisted mismanagement of destiny, I had been the closest thing available." I shook my head and slowly climbed to my feet again. Experiencing the inability to maintain the mental strength to remain standing was always an unsettling feeling, one that only my feelings for Bella ever caused.

"Later on that evening, when we were finally returning to Forks I knew that I would be unable to delay the inevitable—that sooner or later you would know the truth about what I am, all the while two sides of myself were warring with that knowledge. The selfish part of me wanted you to know, to know me, and the part of me that loved you feared your horror that would accompany that truth, feared losing you as well as placing you in more danger with that truth than I ever had before." I sighed sadly. "We were still discussing how my abilities worked, and why I theorized that I couldn't hear your thoughts."

"_My mind doesn't work right?_" she'd asked, her voice rising with chagrin. "_I'm a_ _freak?"_

"_I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that you're the freak._" I'd laughed at that.

"You'd always understood all the small things, and yet the big ones you got backwards. Always the wrong instincts." I sighed. "You were sitting in a car with a vampire who had just admitted to wanting to kill you, but my driving, just a bit of speed, had had you shouting in fear." I rolled my eyes. "You made no sense at all that night, even when I'd finally pressed for you to reveal what you knew about me."

She'd bit her lip again, and her expression had become upset, almost pained.

"_I won't laugh_," I'd promised, wishing that it had only been embarrassment that had made her unwilling to talk.

"_I'm more afraid that you'll be angry with me_," she'd whispered.

I'd forced my voice to stay even then. "_Is it that bad?_"

"_Pretty much, yeah._"

"You were afraid that I would be angry." I scoffed. "Angry, Bella, really?" I asked the emptiness. "Terrified, was more like it." I frowned. "You began to explain that you'd heard something when you'd been at the beach, I hadn't expected that. The local gossip about my family and I had never strayed into anything too bizarre—or too precise, and then you'd mentioned Jacob." My jaw clenched.

"_I ran into an old family friend—Jacob Black,_" she'd gone on. "_His dad and Charlie have been friends since I was a baby._"

Jacob Black—the name had not been familiar to me then, yet that had been the first moment that I'd ever heard his name, the boy who would become an integral part of my world, the boy who for months would try to lure her heart from me. I'd lost time with her. I wanted to hate him for that, but how could I when I had been the one who had made his prominence in her life necessary?

"_His dad is one of the Quileute elders,_" she'd finally said.

Jacob Black. Ephraim Black. A descendant, no doubt.

"I knew that it was as bad as it could get then. You knew the truth. What had had my mind reeling then was that…if you'd learned the truth Saturday…then you'd known it all evening long, although I hadn't known that before. So the only mystery left had been why were you still there with me then." My body went rigid. "Then you said it…_vampires_," I hissed the word between my teeth. "Somehow, it had been even worse than knowing that you knew, hearing you speak the word aloud." I grimaced. "You didn't see my reaction then, the way it made me flinch, you were already on to explaining how the source of my exposure had occurred."

"_So I got Jacob alone and I tricked it out of him." _Her head had dropped even lower as she'd admitted this, and her expression had looked…guilty.

I'd looked away from her and laughed out loud wondering what she could have possibly done to deserve censure of any kind.

"_Tricked him how?"_ I'd asked.

"_I tried to flirt—it worked better than I thought it would_," she'd explained, and her voice turned incredulous at the memory of that success.

I could just imagine it then—considering the attraction she seemed to garner from all things male, totally unconscious on her part—how overwhelming she would be when she _tried_ to be attractive. I had suddenly been full of pity for the unsuspecting boy she'd unleashed such a potent force on.

"_I'd like to have seen that_," I'd said, and then I'd laughed again with black humor. I'd wished that I could have heard the boy's reaction then, witnessed the devastation for myself. "_And you accused me of dazzling people—poor Jacob Black_."

"Poor Jacob Black, indeed." I muttered sourly. No. I did not feel any pity for Jacob Black in this moment. Remembering Bella's next words sent a jolt of longing and agony through me.

"_I decided it didn't matter._"

"Shock had frozen my thoughts for a half-second, and then it all fit together. Why you'd sent her friends away that night rather than escape with them. Why you'd gotten into my car with me again instead of running, screaming for the police." I gritted my teeth, mimicking my reaction then. "Your reactions were always so _wrong_!" I growled angrily.

"_It didn't matter?_" I'd said through my teeth, anger filling me.

"How was I supposed to protect someone so…so…so determined to be unprotected?" I stammered in frustration.

"_No,_" she'd said in a low voice that had been inexplicably tender. "_It doesn't matter to me what you are_."

"You were impossible!" I hissed throwing my hands up.

"_You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not human?_"

"_No._"

"I'd started to wonder then if you were entirely stable." I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. "I supposed that I could have arranged for you to receive the best care available—Carlisle would have had the connections to find you the most skilled doctors, the most talented therapists. I'd thought that perhaps something could have been done to fix whatever it was that was wrong with you, whatever it was that had made you content to sit beside a vampire with your heart beating calmly and steadily. I would watch over the facility, naturally, and visit as often as I was allowed." I sighed in exasperation fighting an amused smile. Bella would probably not find this information amusing at all.

"It didn't really matter to you. You didn't care. You knew I was inhuman, a monster, and it didn't really matter to you. Honestly, Bella, what was _wrong _with you?" I growled. "I brought up my thirst. I knew you had to be forced to understand. At some point, you would have to realize what you were doing. You had to be made to see that that _did_ matter—more than any other consideration. Considerations like the fact that I loved you. Even when you'd admitted to being told that we weren't dangerous I had to make you see…"

"_Don't let that make you complacent, though,_" I'd said quickly. "_They're right to keep their distance from us. We are still dangerous._"

"But no, you didn't understand and how could I make you see?" I murmured painfully.

"_Sometimes we make mistakes. Me, for example, allowing myself to be alone with you._" There had been no denying that my body still yearned toward her for the wrong reason. My mouth had been swimming with venom.

"_This is a mistake?_" she'd asked, and there had been heartbreak in her voice. The sound of it had disarmed me.

"I tried to tell you but still, you'd wanted to be with me—despite everything." I closed my eyes in pain.

"_A very dangerous one_," I'd answered her truthfully, wishing then that the truth could have really somehow ceased to matter.

When she'd spoken finally, her voice had been distorted by anguish.

I'd examined her carefully.

She'd been in pain and I'd wondered how I could have allowed that.

She should not have hurt. I couldn't let her be hurt.

"You were so casual then, as we spoke, and I'd been astonished that you'd really been able to accept so much in stride. In fact, I think I'd been closer to shock than you'd seemed to be," I admitted begrudgingly. "I'd wondered then, if I loved you enough yet to be able to bear leaving you. I wish I had," I whispered mournfully. "And then you said it…" I winced.

"_I didn't like it_," she'd said shyly, the skin over her cheekbones warming. "_Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too._"

"Well, there had been my reward for hoping." I muttered, angry with myself. "I'd been bewildered, elated, horrified—mostly horrified—to realize that all my wildest imaginings had been not so far off the mark. That was why it hadn't mattered to you that I was a monster. It had been exactly the same reason that the rules had no longer mattered to me. Why right and wrong had no longer been compelling influences. Why all my priorities had shifted one rung down to make room for you at the very top. You cared for me, too," I whispered miserably. "I knew it could be nothing in comparison to how I loved you—sure that such an overpowering, all-consuming, crushing love would probably break you fragile body. But you felt strongly enough. Enough to subdue the instinctive fear. Enough to want to be with me. Enough for you to risk your life to sit there with me. To do so gladly." I smiled sadly. "Enough to cause you pain if I did the right thing and left you. Was there anything I could have done then that would not have hurt you? Anything at all? Would that stop me from staying then? From making it worse?" I murmured anxiously. "The way I felt in that moment, feeling your warmth against my skin…" I sucked in a harsh breath. "No. Nothing would stop me." I shook my head angrily. "I should have stayed away. I should never have come back to Forks. I caused you nothing but pain," I whispered sorrowfully and I felt the twinge of what oncoming tears had once felt like. "You had to understand! I had to make you!" I growled angrily the tension nearly making my body vibrate with rage.

"_It's wrong. It's not safe. I'm dangerous, Bella—please, grasp that."_ I'd told her.

I balled my hands into fists. "But you were so damn _stubborn_." I growled angrily at the vacant, darkening meadow. "You just wouldn't listen—even when you finally knew the truth about me!" I railed, my voice nearly strangled in outrage as I hissed through my teeth.

"_No_." Her lips had pouted out petulantly.

"_I'm serious._" I had been battling with myself so strongly—half desperate for her to accept, half desperate to keep the warnings from escaping—that the words came through my teeth as a growl.

"_So am I_," she'd insisted stubbornly. "_I told you, it doesn't matter what you are. It's too late._"

"You'd said that it was too late." My voiced was strained against the urge to do what my body was incapable of—to cry. "In that moment the world became bleakly black and white for one endless second as I watched the shadows crawl across the sunny lawn toward your sleeping form in my memory." I wanted to look away but I couldn't stop my thoughts. "Inevitable, unstoppable. They stole the color from your skin, and plunged you into darkness." I shuddered. "Alice's vision swirled in my head then, your blood red eyes staring back at me impassively. Expressionless—and I'd been sure that there had been no way that you could not hate me for that future. Hate me for stealing everything from you. Stealing your life and your soul. It could not be too late." I choked out the words.

"_Never say that,_" I'd hissed.

She'd stared out her window then, and her teeth had bit into her lip again. Her hands had been balled into tight fists in her lap. Her breathing had hitched and then broken.

"_What are you thinking?_" I had to know then.

She'd shaken her head without looking at me and I'd seen something glisten, like a crystal, on her cheek.

Agony. "_Are you crying?_"

"I made you cry. I hurt you that much by saying that," I whispered my voice a ghost of what it once was. "But it _was_ too late…because even after all of that…you still _wanted_ me." I hissed the words through my teeth trying to will myself to calm down. I felt panic ripping through me at the thought of it. "You always took me by surprise. You figured me out so easily, and understood things about me that it took me meeting _you_ to grasp. You saw this light in me that I had never seen before. You didn't care if I was a monster…you just loved me anyway." I sighed and cursed the sky. The memories of those moments hit me like a wrecking ball, spilling into me and I wished my frozen body would for once let my emotions spill out of my eyes. I ached to be human. To cry for my lost love.

"Even if there was nothing that I could have ever done to save you, you know I had to try, Bella," I murmured. "Even if I had known that I would always be strong enough to keep from killing you when you were human, knowing the horrors that you would have to endure regardless is reason enough for why I should have stayed away from you." I felt cold suddenly, numbness sweeping through me as the truth settled upon me. "After all, like I told you—you only had to risk your life every second you spent with me. You only had to turn your back on nature, on humanity…you only had to give up your soul." I whispered as the waves of my grief began to return. I'd somehow managed to shed my guilt the entire time that I'd been having a one sided conversation with the emptiness, and now it was crawling back inside of me.

"Countless dangers," I muttered, "How many creatures attempted to hurt you during our brief years together?" I asked painfully. "Do you know? Because I've lost count, Bella." I sighed. "First me, then those men in Port Angeles, James—even Jasper—Laurent and Victoria, Riley and the entire newborn army." I felt the reminders strangle me. "Even the wolves at one point and then the Volturi." I growled the last part. "It was never just you that attracted danger—it was _us_—you being with me. After all, you survived seventeen years before you met me without an incident—a fatal one anyway." I frowned and my own words haunted me. "Of all the girls in all of the world, in all of time and age, it just had to be _you_ who had the misfortune of having _me_—of all creatures—fall in love with you. You, who seemed to be fated for tragedy—you, who ignored and never feared what you should have run from."

I closed my eyes and remembered the first moment that I had ever seen her face through my own eyes, staring curiously at me from across that cafeteria, meeting my gaze head on.

_Edward Cullen._

I had been a reflex reaction. I had turned to the sound of my name being called, though it hadn't been called, just thought.

My eyes had locked for a small portion of a second with a pair of wide, chocolate-brown human eyes set in a pale, heart-shaped face.

…and I had looked away, bored.

_Bored_—I scoffed at the thought as I remembered it—but how could I have known that in that moment I had just looked into the eyes of the girl who would come to mean everything to me? My love. My future wife. My soul mate.

"Why did it have to be me, Bella? You were supposed to live and die like a normal human. That's how it was supposed to happen. How it should have happened. How it would have happened if I hadn't existed—and I _shouldn't have exist_—I've told you this before, but with my selfishness—my insufferable weakness I couldn't let you go, even when I'd tried to." My attention was once again drawn back to the bottle cap that I was still mindlessly turning over in my palm. "Even if I combined every moment of my inability to stay away from you—my inability to save your life—and counted them all together as my greatest failure…that day—the day that I left you and the subsequent months that followed—will forever be a close second to being the greatest regret of my entire existence." I admitted it out loud for the first time ever.

I had thought that eventually my guilt over that horrible decision would have subsided, but it hadn't. I wasn't sure that it ever would. During our months apart—after _that _tragic September night—I had taken the bottle cap with me, selfishly allowing myself to carry some small part of her with me whereas _I_ had taken all proof of my existence from her. It had been a cruel double standard but I had thought that it would have been better for her that way. How wrong I had been.

I sighed and blinked up at the sky where the last sliver of the sun was fading. "After that, in my arrogance I thought that I could have willed you to live the way I wanted you to. Only _you_ could be more important than what I wanted…what I needed. What I wanted and needed—what I still want and need—is to be with you. Still, I knew back then that I would never be strong enough to leave you again. I thought that I would never forgive myself for leaving you _that September_." I spat the words like they were acid on my tongue. "Not if I lived a hundred thousand years—but it's the opposite now—I'll _never_ forgive myself for _staying_." I trembled as I said it. "I made myself believe that I had too many excuses to stay and I thought '_Thank heaven for that!_'" I scoffed. "It seems you _couldn't_ be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us. So, I didn't want my presence to take anything away from you, if I could help it. I wanted you to be _human_. I wanted your life to continue as it would have if I'd died in nineteen-eighteen like I should have. I thought that you needed me—I thanked heaven for that," I said in disgust.

"What a fool I was," I whispered. "You thought I was worth it, but I'm not worth it, I was never worth it, Bella." I heaved a deep breath and shuddered. "I suppose it didn't matter in the end," I muttered bitterly. "I wasn't strong enough." I choked. "You wanted to be a monster like me, and I caved to my need for you far more easily than I should have. I was selfish—careless!" I wanted to beg her for forgiveness. "How can I ever tell you how sorry I am?" I pleaded. "Sorry for all the stupid mistakes I made. Sorry for my never-ending selfishness. Sorry that a monster like me fell in love with you. Sorry that it was always going to be me that would end your life in one way or another." I raised my gaze to where the sun was close to fully disappearing beyond the horizon. "I took your soul, Bella. I damned you to be like me. I'm so sorry for that, more than anything else." My whole body shook as I remembered my words, having to focus to keep from crushing to cap in my fist.

'_I don't seem to be strong enough to stay away from you, so I suppose that you'll get your way…whether it kills you or not.'_.

I sank to the ground as my knees gave way. "And it did kill you." I moaned. "It didn't matter if you were human or not…I _was _fighting fate trying to keep you alive." My voice was bleak. "But it was all for nothing." I sucked in a harrowing breath. "Because it was true all along…" Just then, the sun disappeared fully over the horizon and there was nothing but twilight.

She was there then, I didn't have to see her standing before me—I could feel her. My gaze rose slowly until I was staring into her warm brown eyes once more—filled with pain, and compassion and longing.

"Your number was up from the moment that I laid eyes on you." It was a ghost of a whisper as I admitted the horrifying truth out loud. "Why—out of all the boys you could have made fall in love with you—why did it have to be me, Bella?" I pleaded. "Why did you have to fall in love with me?" I whispered in agony.

She stared at me for a long moment, her eyes searching my face, a flicker of sadness crossing her expression.

"_Would you take it all back if you could?_" She asked in a soft mournful voice. _"Would you undo it all—stop us from ever meeting—if you could escape the pain it has caused you? Would you trade it? Is that what you want, Edward? To have never known me?"_ She paused and blinked at me with an unfathomable expression in her eyes. "_Do you think that your life might have been easier if you hadn't ever loved me?"_

I gaped at her wordlessly—she was throwing my own words back at me. I remembered when I had asked her once, "_Do you ever think that your life might be easier if you weren't in love with me?_"

"_And what did I tell you?_" She whispered staring down at me. I couldn't speak—in that moment I couldn't even recall the words. "_I said, 'Maybe. It wouldn't be much of life, though.'_" She shrugged simply. "_It wouldn't have been much of a life, Edward." _She murmured, her lips curving into a sad smile.

How could she remember…when I couldn't?

"_I'm the part of you that remembers why everything we shared was worth it—why we would never give up what we have for anything. I'm the part of you that remembers what our love was like_." She whispered. "_Unlike any love that ever existed,_" She murmured smiling softly as she knelt to the ground and my gaze followed her, unable to take my eyes off of her. "_No one has ever loved anyone as much as you loved me—as much as I loved you,"_ She breathed, her eyes shining with undying love for me. "_That's why it had to be you, Edward_." Her words stole my breath, tightening my chest and it made me want to weep. "_It was always you_."

I stared into her eyes and yearned for sleep once again. Not for oblivion, as I had in the hour before she had existed in my world—not to escape boredom—but because I again wanted to _dream_. Not the same as before, to fulfill my desire to imagine a world where she would love me in return. I had lived that dream already, and that dream had distorted into a horrible nightmare when she'd been taken from me. I wanted desperately to cling to this—if I could dream, if this is what dreaming was—to live in a world where she and I could be together once more.

This moment, and the previous moments like it—when she was here before me like a ghost, a reflection of my memory of her—they were as close as I would ever come to getting my hearts now only desire—to dream…_of her_.

"_This isn't a dream, Edward_," She murmured sadly, watching me, knowing where my thoughts had gone.

"A dream will never be able to take the place of you." I mused aloud to myself. "But _this_…_this_ is close enough to dreaming of you." I stared at her as longing welled in me. "I wish I could stay this way forever—if this is all I can ever have of what's left of you from now on." This had been the most amount of time that I had ever been able to talk with my hallucination of her like this—it had almost been as if she were alive again. My eyes flickered to the growing darkness—the fading twilight.

"_Yes, I suppose it's time for me to go_," She sighed dejectedly.

Panic jolted through me. "Not yet!" I pleaded.

"_No, not just yet_." She assured me. "_But very soon." _She warned and I nodded in understanding, clinging to any time I had left, wanting to delay her absence as long as possible, because when it came, it would engulf me._ "You can't stay like this forever, Edward,"_ She murmured. "_You have to let me go."_

"I can't." I cried shakily.

"_You must_." Her voice was urgent and soft at the same time. "_This can't last. You know that_." She dipped her face to make sure she caught my gaze but it was unnecessary, I hadn't taken my eyes off of her since she'd reappeared. "_It's time, Edward_." There was something in her voice that frightened me, the cold chill of realization slid over me.

"You're not coming back." The words broke, choking me—my mouth was suddenly unbearably dry.

She shook her head sadly. "_No_," She whispered. "_I'm not. This is the last time_." I was frozen, unable to move. "_Good-bye, Edward_." She whispered and suddenly, grief and pain unlike I had ever known before seized me.

"Wait!" I pleaded, crying out desperately, reaching for her but my fingers passed right through her as she continued to stare impassively, never reacting—making me recoil in horror. "No! Please don't leave me, Bella!" I begged. "Please, don't go!" I shouted it shrilly, my voice shattering. "Please, _please_…" I sobbed hysterically. "You have to come back!" My chest was heaving, as my fingers reached to grip fistfuls of my hair in desperate panic. "I can't…I can't do this…no, I can't lose you…please don't go…no, no, please…" I felt the ghost of tears in my eyes, felt them spilling down my face though they weren't really there. "Don't, _please_ don't! _Please_!" I tried to scream it as loud as I could but the harrowing agony piercing me strangled it. "Please…don't go…" My voice broke.

Her eyes softened then finally and my hands lowered limply, my entire body slumping in defeat. "_I told you, I'm always with you. I'm always here_." Her voice was so soft, a sharp contrast to mine as her right hand reached forward slowly, one finger pointing to the space of my chest over my dead heart, never touching me. "_As long as you don't give up…_" A small smile played on her lips, her eyes full of mirth—it didn't make sense to me as she flattened her palm to hold it above the hollow ache that was blooming in my chest, I couldn't feel anything but I knew it was there. "_Hope shines here_," She murmured gently, her eyes glowing as they stared into mine. She pulled her hand away then, resting her palms on her thighs. "_Maybe you can't understand this now, probably because you're incapable of seeing it in yourself, but it's there_." The sincerity in her voice made my mind whirl as I tried to understand her meaning. "_When you feel like giving up, look to the sky_," She whispered turning her face up to the sky above us, and my eyes rose to follow hers, to the brilliant canvas of colors more beautiful than I had ever seen it before. "_I'm in the twilight_." Her voice echoed around me and I blinked, staring up for a long moment trying to picture her face and when my gaze fell back to the space before me, I'd known before I even looked that she would be gone…and she was.

It was like losing her all over again.

Again and again and again.

Every facet and point of pain was multiplied.

The floodgates of agony exploded around me ripping the tidal wave of grief free, shredding me from the inside out as every single time I'd lost her swallowed me.

Images of finding her lying bent and broken at an odd angle—her screams in the dark.

"_My hand is burning!"_

"_The fire! Someone stop the fire!"_

"_Edward!"_

"_He bit her."_

The fear of not knowing if I could stop morphed into the blackness coming to swallow me as I ran away from all that would ever matter, all that would ever give me mean for anything and towards the rest of forever without her, letting the heart-wrenching pain engulf me now as it did then.

Meaningless. All of it was meaningless. My very existence was meaningless. The whole world was meaningless.

"_She's dead, Edward."_

"_Bella...threw herself off a cliff two days ago._"

It was like time had ended.

Like the universe had stopped.

"_He's at the funeral."_

Love.

Life.

Meaning.

Over.

Every single word condemned me.

"_I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here."_

"_Get your hands off of her."_

"_You miserable excuse for a human being."_

Every syllable was damning.

"_It's a monster. Just like its father. I always knew he would kill her."_

"_It's killing her, right? She's dying?"_

"_Of course, die for the monster spawn. It was so Bella."_

"_You should have left Bella with me."_

I was a succubus, I'd destroyed the very person I loved.

"_I didn't realize they had a special name for what you are."_

"_Why do you always have to love the wrong things, Bella?"_

The wrong things…a monster.

There was the horrific sound of Bella's heart faltering—the last thick, wet _ga-lump—_echoing sickly in my head, and then the sluggish thump of the muscle, artificially pumping inside her body and the numbing the truth that I may have been too late.

_I killed her._

_Bella, I love you. Bella, I'm sorry._

Her golden eyes locking on mine across the pool of fire, the last time I would ever look into them, and then the last image I would ever have of her as she plummeted into the flames, disappearing forever taking my heart with her.

"_There's nothing you can do for her."_

"_She's gone."_

All hope evaporated, dragging me under, away from the light, the onslaught of horrific despair devouring all I had left.

She'd died to save something that I had inflicted upon her with my weakness.

I had killed her.

I screamed then—screamed in rage and despair, hopeless shuddering sobs of agony—screamed for her over and over again. She was gone, my dream of her was dead and she wasn't _ever_…coming…back. Having her appear to me had only proved to torture me further, and losing her again…I felt like dying all over again. I had nothing left. I screamed for hours, well past when the twilight had faded until an endless blackness enveloped the sky, demolishing trees in my fury, breaking them in half, splintering them to pieces, screaming as I delved deeper into the darkened forest, pulverizing boulders to dust, tossing them violently leaving pathways of destruction in my wake as I went. I screamed until I was numb, until I couldn't bear to scream anymore, until all I could do was collapse to the ground and shake, holding my head in my hands as I curled into myself. I stayed that way moaning for hours—days must have passed as I lay there. The sun rose and set numerous times, the beams of light sporadically breaking through the entwining branches.

The only thing that had sucked me out of my paralyzed state had been the constant buzzing vibration of my pocket. Slowly I forced myself to sit up, pulling the annoying device out to register the name on the screen. It was Alice. I was half tempted to shatter it against a nearby tree. With a sigh I clicked a button and brought it to my ear, saying nothing.

"Are you done wallowing?" Alice's voice was chiding.

"What do you want Alice?" I glowered narrowing my eyes.

"I saw you go to Forks but when you didn't come back to the house or to Denali we got worried." Her words startled me. She'd seen me in the meadow, that's what she'd meant about wallowing.

"You saw?" Had she seen Bella there too?

"I'm not judging you Edward, if talking to yourself and flattening an entire forest helps, then by all means go right ahead, but you could at least check in first." Disappointment flooded through me, she had only seen me, alone. "Esme's been in a panic for days, she thinks you took off again." I expected guilt to course through me, but it didn't. "And why aren't you staying in Forks yet?" I was surprised for the space of a second but then sighed.

"I don't want to be here, Alice," I stated flatly and then something clicked into place. "What do you mean 'yet'?" I asked pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Oh, you're coming back." She sounded sure of that. "I just don't understand why you're leaving in the first place." I could practically hear her rolling her eyes.

"You wouldn't understand," I grumbled as I pushed up to stand, wiping away the dirt and twigs that clung to me.

"Try me." She challenged skeptically.

I was about to snap at her when the realization that my hands were empty sent a wave of fear trough me. The bottle cap. I'd lost it.

I heard Alice sigh on the other end. "You dropped it at the edge of the clearing, right at the tree line."

"Thanks," I muttered stiffly.

"Don't sound so grateful." Alice bit back sarcastically. I didn't know what to say, being thankful was hard enough, apologizing felt impossible. She sighed again. "I'll see you in Denali," She muttered and then the phone beeped indicating that the call had ended. With that I followed the trail of devastation precisely to the spot Alice had described; retrieving the bottle cap and placing it securely back into my pocket before pausing to search the meadow one last time.

She was gone forever. Even our meadow had been ruined for me.

I'd fled back to Denali then, though it hadn't been the sanctuary I'd hoped that it would be. It had been chaotic and noisy. Annoying seemed the appropriate word for it. Alice made repetitive attempts to remind me that my return to Forks was inevitable; Jasper was constantly trying to lighten my mood with his ability, though it proved to be unsuccessful. Emmett relentlessly tried to convince me to return, however Rosalie seemed oddly more understanding than the others. Her thoughts remained merely sympathetic, never voicing her opinions of what she thought I should do out loud. She figured that the others were irritating me enough. For that I was grateful.

It had been a little over two weeks since I'd come back from Forks, when Alice had seen something prompting her and the others to return a day earlier than they had planned. I didn't want to go back home but I didn't want to be here alone without my family either. It seemed that during my absence, Tanya's determination to pursue me had been renewed. She'd been trying since my return to persuade me to stay, cornering me whenever I was alone.

I could hear her coming as I stared at the tops of the crisp mountains capped in ice and snow. _Bella. _Thinking her name brought back the ache in my chest.

"Are you going to just stay out here forever?" Tanya teased suddenly beside me staring out over the vast wilderness. It was a possibility, I thought wryly.

"No." I responded curtly. Her mind swirled with thoughts and fantasies. I sighed.

"You're more than welcome to stay as long as you'd like Edward." She offered sweetly. Her tone seemed to provoke my irritable mood further.

"I know that." I tensed my jaw in agitation.

"I want you to stay," She whispered with conviction.

"I know that too," I sighed. She wasn't ever going to give up…and I wasn't ever going to desire what she was offering. Now seemed a good of time as any to cement that fact for her. "But I didn't come back for you, Tanya."

I felt her stiffen beside me.

I shook my head. "I wish you would give up this crusade you have to win me over, it's not going to happen…ever." I didn't look at her, keeping my eyes focused on the horizon, my gaze flickering to the sky, yearning for twilight. "I thought that I had made that clear to you, but evidently I did not. I love another Tanya…I love Bella," It burned to say her name. "I always will."

"But she's gone, Edward, eventually you have to move on." Her tone was sour and angry. It made me angry. Her words enraged me.

"_No_…_I don't_." I growled through my teeth, turning to pin her with a hard look. Her eyes widened in shock and I saw the reflection of my feral expression in them. I pitched my body forward falling from my perch on the edge of the roof to the snow below, sending it up around me like powder.

"Where are you going?" Tanya called from behind me, her voice panicked.

"I'm going home." I shouted, sprinting across the expanse of snow, and damn me if Alice wasn't right as usual.

I was going back.

The ground flew beneath me until I reached the shoreline, I didn't hesitate as I dove into the frozen waters of the gulf, the hours of swimming in their blackness was soothing. It cut off my sense of smell, drowned out any voices that I would have encountered had I taken a route over land. It was a straight shot to the beach bordering the strip of land between it and Lake Ozette. I stomped through the shallow waters onto the shore, wringing out my clothes as I went, grumbling as picked away the debris of sea particles that clung to my skin and clothes, shaking the water from my hair with a jerk of my neck.

An odd sound caught my attention making me scan the trees and then I heard it.

_Edward?_

A large wolf stepped out to the far right of the tree line. With shock I recognized the sand colored fur rippling over the muscles.

"Seth?" The surprise in my voice was clear, surprise because I was actually happy to see him. He dropped the fish that he had been holding in his mouth immediately, checking the beach to make sure that it was safe before stepping further.

"_Hey_!" He trotted eagerly towards me, his tail swishing excitedly as his mental voice filled my mind. "_I was just coming up to see you. I heard you guys were all coming back, I was going to travel with you, figured the trip would be fun to stretch my legs._" There was a smile in his voice as he neared me and I noticed a small sack hanging from his neck. "_Wish I'd known that you were leaving so early, I would have gone up there sooner._" There was disappointment in his voice. "_I guess it's a good thing I didn't_." He eyed my wet clothes. "_Swimming in freezing water isn't that appealing_." His eyes rolled to meet mine going wide. "_Did you swim the whole way_?"

"Pretty much," I answered, my lips twitching in amusement.

"_Dang._" He commented as he turned to walk beside me as we left the beach, venturing into the tree line. "_Sorry I didn't make it up in time_." He said once we were safely covered by the trees.

"Don't be." I answered him, "I needed to be alone for a while anyway."

"_Oh, I didn't mean to just tag along…_"

"No, you're fine, Seth." I sighed, upset by the thought that I may have hurt his feelings. "I suppose I've been alone for far too long already." I frowned.

"_I miss her too_." Seth said suddenly, as he whimpered.

Sadness filled me then. "Thank you, Seth."

My phone was suddenly vibrating in my pocket, we both stopped then as I pulled it out, thankful suddenly for Alice's foresight when she'd handed out the waterproof coverings that she'd bought for everyone. Seeing Carlisle's name, I almost didn't want to answer it. My family, I thought of them, probably the only people who would be able to stand being around me for the next millennium. I sighed.

"Carlisle," I answered.

"Edward," He greeted but his voice sounded off.

"Is everything all right?"

"Yes, everything is fine." He didn't sound right, his voice was tight. "But something has happened." He amended quickly.

"Something?" I raised a brow.

"It's not something that should be discussed over the phone." He explained.

"Alice and Jasper?" My voice came out in a rush of panic.

"No, they're all fine. Rosalie and Emmet are here as well." He assured me making my furrow my brows.

"I don't understand."

He sighed softly. "It's hard to explain." I could hear the frustration in his voice and it was making me frustrated. "Alice told me that it was…difficult for you, when you were here a few weeks ago," I squeezed my eyes shut attempting to stave off the memory, "And I know we agreed to let you do things at your own pace, Edward, but I think it's best if you returned home immediately." That statement made me open my eyes to narrow them.

"Carlisle, what _is _going on?"

"We need to talk about Bella." He whispered and pain ripped through me.

"What about _her_?" There was anger in my voice then, a hard edge. Seth whimpered uneasily beside me.

"Where are you?" Carlisle's voice was startled.

"I'm in Washington," I answered automatically. "I headed back hours ago."

"Is there someone with you?"

"Seth Clearwater," I responded casually, "We're just west of Lake Ozette."

"You swam the whole way?" What was with everyone's surprise with me swimming?

"It was faster, less chance of being seen by humans." I said dryly.

"Of course," He acknowledged calmly but said nothing else.

It surprised me that he hadn't commented on the fact that Seth was with me.

"Carlisle, you seem distracted." I observed.

"My apologies, I was listening to what the others were saying." He murmured. I listened harder but all I could make out was the dull hum of voices over the phone, none of them clear enough to make out, he must have been outside.

"Carlisle, tell me what is going on." I demanded.

"Have you hunted recently?" He asked, catching me off guard. I blinked in confusion as I tried to remember.

"Not since before I was last in Forks." I answered him curiously. "Why?"

"I need to go, but Edward I know how hard it's been for you controlling your emotions lately, being back here will surely push your limits and I'd prefer for you to be in better control when you arrive. Hunt, please do this for me." Carlisle had never spoken to me like this before, it startled me.

"I will." It was all that I could say.

"Thank you." He released a long breath. "I'll see you soon." Then he hung up.

I pulled the phone away to stare at it as if it would somehow lessen my confusion.

"_That was weird_." Seth commented.

"Yes, it was." I nodded in agreement before sliding it back into my pocket as we continued weaving through the trees.

"_What do you think that was all about?_"

"I have no idea, honestly." I murmured as we made our way around the edge of Lake Ozette.

"_You do look sort of thirsty_." Seth commented as he eyed me carefully.

"I suppose I do need to hunt." I nodded ruefully. Seth was silent for a long moment making a smile tug at my lips as I saw where his thoughts were going.

"_First one to catch something wins!_" He shouted, taking off in a burst of speed. I chuckled and sped after him.

We were racing blindly through the trees; I could hear his enthusiasm in his thoughts as he weaved around boulders and leapt over fallen branches. I let him win the first round—allowing him to reach the elk I'd spotted first, as I snagged another that was close by. We continued this way until I'd caught my fourth, before speeding off for another round. I was a few lengths ahead of him when a soft bark drew my attention from my thoughts—or lack thereof—it was safer that way, focusing on nothing at all as I lost myself in the chase. Seth was slowing his stride.

"_My phone," _He explained motioning with a dip of his head to the sack around his neck. I nodded and stopped abruptly allowing him ample space ahead of me to slow, waiting as he disappeared through a thick patch of bushes. I ambled slowly forward, sliding my hands into the pocket of my jacket, staring at the ground as I walked.

Moments later Seth reappeared, this time in human form, a phone cradled against his neck as he hopped awkwardly on one foot trying to balance as he attempted to finish sliding his sneakers on. _Jake, _He mouthed in explanation. There must have been a silent inquiry on my face. I raised a brow in question but he only shrugged before straightening, holding the phone to his ear with one hand. I started to ponder why his Alpha wasn't using their strange pack mind to communicate before deciding that I didn't particularly care enough to be interested.

"Jake!" Seth greeted excitedly a grin blooming across his face. I looked away, as images flashed at the sound of that name. I could see angry brown eyes staring into mine, a menacing stance, hands fisted. I almost scoffed as I remembered the boy's attempts at staking his claim on what he had thought was _his_.

I saw where my train of thought was headed and immediately braced myself for the ache that was to follow. The memory of his eyes slowly morphed into _hers_—I clenched my jaw and strained to press my own tightly shut, holding the image, clutching at it with my mind, refusing to spare myself this modicum of torture. The depth of those chocolate orbs drowned me—they held such expression, curiosity and clarity. Their warmth burned me to my core, seared my being more than the curse of my wretched thirst ever could. Warm. I almost moaned at the memory.

"_What's your favorite color today?" I asked somberly from besides her— wishing that I didn't have to keep my eyes on the road and away from her face for the sake of alleviating her fears about my driving habits._

"_Probably Brown," She shrugged flippantly. _

I tried in vain to recall details in her movement, subtleties in her voice that I had been unaware I would later suffer for having not committed them to memory. I wished desperately that I had paid more attention to how her perfect lips formed the words as she spoke, how each strand of hair fell to frame her heart shaped face. How could I have known then, that in the end, the price I would pay for loving the fragile girl beside me would be an eternity of agony?

"_Brown?" I scoffed with a dubious grin._

"_Sure," She shrugged again, this time she spoke timidly as I watched her face. "Brown is warm." She explained, "I miss brown". Her sudden animation fascinated me as her face took on a passionate expression. "Everything that's supposed to be brown—tree trunks, rocks, dirt—" _

Seth's voice interrupted my memory.

"Sure Jake, but—" Seth began to protest. There was a long pause and then, "yeah, I'm on my way." He sighed reluctantly. "Bye." He frowned clicking the phone off before looking at me. "Sorry, but I've got to get back—pack business." He explained.

I gave him a curt nod of understanding, not sure if I _could _speak, struck numb from the memory.

"I know you wanted to take your time on the way and we're only an hour out from town, but I understand if you don't want to head straight there with me." He acknowledged.

I stared at him for a long moment.

He was waiting for my response.

"I don't." It was too softly spoken for him to detect the pain lacing it.

"I figured." He shrugged.

I stared at him as he watched my face, before once again removing the sneakers and placing them into the bag. I waited until he had removed most of his clothing, shoving them inside along with the sneakers before straitening to meet my gaze.

"We're all glad that you're coming back Edward." He said it so sincerely that I almost responded, almost. "Well, I guess I'll see you around eventually." He waved before disappearing again. Seconds later he darted out in wolf form, already running. I watched him go.

I stayed staring numbly at that spot,

Now that I was alone, my mind clicked backwards, slowly.

_Seth_.

_Wolves_.

_Jacob Black_.

_Brown angry eyes_.

_Her_ eyes.

I imagined a precious ache in my chest as it swelled, at least _this _I remembered with perfect clarity.

"—_is all covered up with squashy green stuff here." She pouted, a crease forming between her brows, brightening her eyes, the brown hues like molten chocolate as she blinked up at me from beneath her lashes. I took pause as I studied them, surprised to find that her depiction rang true._

"_You're right," I stated very decidedly, "Brown is warm."_

I would never see their warmth again.

I wasn't ready to face the others, not yet, but I knew where I wanted to go then.

I didn't focus on the time; the sky above me was darkening as I ran, feeling the fear and anxiety that filled me the closer I came to my destination. Then the forest began to clear, and there it was.

I froze in place at the edge of where the trees ended, staring across a paved road, at the house. The sight of it made my chest tighten, but it was short lived when the sight of a car I didn't recognize in the driveway caught my eye making my hands press involuntarily into fists at my side as fury swept me, clenching my jaw tightly. Charlie must have sold it finally, I knew that he had moved down to the reservation but that thought still made me angry, the idea of someone else living there, sleeping where she had slept, where I had lain beside her countless nights listening to her soft breaths, murmuring through her dreams.

I swept my gaze upwards until it landed on the sight of the second story window. Her window. Once, the doorway to my only sanctuary. I couldn't stop myself. In an instant I was scaling the walls to the roof beside her room, right outside the window, peering in carefully. It was her room, but it was drastically different at the same time, I didn't like it. It wasn't Bella. Its faded colors had been replaced by contrasting red and whites against ebony wood, the bed was larger, more modern looking, and it was empty. I listened intently for evidence of its occupants, two sets of soft breathing came from Charlie's old room, but other than that there was no sign that anyone was awake. I clung to the eve above the window, dangling precariously by one hand, and before I lost my nerve, slid the glass upwards fighting it's resistance from decades of disuse.

I almost lost my grip as the open window caused a funnel of air to sweep out past me, freezing me in place as the scent slammed into me with so much force that my muscles locked down to keep the shock from hammering me to the ground. It was her! My throat burst into flames, and pain seared through me. It was fresh, it was glorious. I sucked in a long breath, savoring the taste of it on my tongue, as my eyes closed. I drowned in it, letting it settle over me like a blanket of warmth, almost as soothing as it was painful. I never thought that I would ever feel that way again. It wasn't the onslaught of torture like it had been that very first day in Biology, its floral scent wafted heavenly through me, drugging me, as a rode the high of the feeling, making me ache until I felt myself almost begin to tremble. I missed her so much. There weren't words for the longing that filled me as my eyes opened sluggishly. How could her scent still be so strong after so long? Was I imagining it all? Was my memory of her so sadistic?

"Why?" I murmured barely able to speak as my face twisted against the grief engulfing me. I reached forward to press my fingers to the edge of the window reverently. I tore my eyes away, as if afraid that she could see it and shuddered, breathing harshly before raising my gaze once more. "Why does it feel like you're still here?" My voice cracked, and then a sob that had been lodged in my throat broke free, choking me as I tried to breathe in the scent again, it was smothering me. "I can still smell you in this room." I squeezed my eyes shut and turned my face away, over my shoulder searching for clean air to breathe so that I could speak. "You're everywhere…" I choked again as the pain of not having the smell of her in my lungs clawed at me desperately. My mind flew with memories. What I would give to relive them once more—those early months of falling in love with her more and more with each moment I was with her. I sobbed recalling one, shuddering as the memory rippled through me. "If I…" I turned my face back into the dark room, my eyes finding the bed imagining that it looked like hers. "If I could dream…at all." My words broke again. "It would be…about you." I was trembling as I spoke, overwhelmed by the sudden violent need to be with her. "And I'm not ashamed of it." I whispered, blinking back invisible tears. "I'd give anything…to be able to dream of you now." I sucked in one long breath, shuddering again as her scent filled me.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I slid the window shut and backed away, turning on the roof towards the street, glancing back one last time, to stare longingly at the window before I leapt to the ground and ran.

I wasn't conscious of my direction until I was already speeding over the river, and the small cottage suddenly appeared before me, nestled where it had always been. I swallowed hard; the scent of her was still on my tongue. I hadn't released my breath since I'd run from her old house. My eyes scanned the lines of the cottage, noticing that the door was slightly ajar. A growl rumbled in my chest as I darted inside prepared to rip apart anyone who was there but every room was empty. Someone had been there though, barely hours before, it was a familiar scent but it had been masked by something stronger, a strange chemical smell that burned my nose. All the furniture had been covered with sheets; dust marring their once crisp whiteness, only one seemed out of place. The one covering the left nightstand of our old bedroom, the side where Bella had used to lay, reading books to me as she'd cradled my head in her lap, her fingers absentmindedly twisting through my hair. Upon further inspection, I realized why. It had been moved, the dust had creased from where it had been lifted. I shook off the memory and ripped the sheet away, my breath catching in my throat. The box containing Bella's engagement ring—my mother's ring—was sitting open, and it was…empty.

Rage filled me. Blackness consumed me. I let out a roar of fury as I turned on my heel and shot like a bullet from the cottage, speeding through the darkness as everything crashed down upon me. My world was once again chaos—unendurable agony. Nothing made sense anymore. Everything that was happening crippled me with confusion—Carlisle's cryptic phone call, the fresh scent of Bella in my lungs, the image of that empty box lying open, making me feel just as empty inside—with the horrific punctuation of her absence I was truly dead.

The pain was blinding, I was racing towards the end. I had nothing left to be taken from me. I couldn't do this anymore—pretend that I could function through another meaningless decade without her. Not another day, not another hour or even another minute. I would beg Carlisle to undo what he had done, to take this life from me just as he had given it. I wanted to be with her, nothing else mattered, not anymore. Since I couldn't…I wanted death.

My desperation spurred me onward faster—I rocketed through the trees at blinding speeds, nearly shaking with so much intensity.

_Edward!_

I skidded to a sudden halt. The scream tore through me, fear wrenching me in place, paralyzing terror. My entire existence without her flashed before my eyes.

That voice—her voice—the sound of her scream—it rooted me to the spot—it was as real as it ever was. I had really heard it. A flood of memories flashed in short clips of images and sounds. The way she'd screamed my name that night in the ballet studio, screamed for me. Her voice breaking through the abyss as the clock tower tolled, screaming my name. The way she'd locked eyes with me across the pit of flames and her voice had called out as she dropped her shield just long enough to scream '_Edward, I love you. Edward, I'm sorry_.' before plunging into the inferno.

Only when her life had been in danger, had she ever screamed for me like that. How could it be? She was dead. I knew this. Still, she was screaming for me now, I'd heard it. But no, she's gone, I reminded myself. Pain washed through me—burning, stinging pain. She's gone. It's not after nearly seventeen years that truth still almost brought me to my knees. I stared straight ahead trying to find the will to move on—trying to fight the instantaneous desire to follow the sound of her voice. It went against everything to ignore it—to not go to her. My body had involuntarily shifted towards the sound, my eyes scanning the void of the forest as my fists clenched at my sides. My body cried out, aching for some invisible feeling. I imagined the brush of fingers on my hand pulling me in the opposite direction of my destination—but I was fighting it. In all the years that I had spent suffering the loss of all that had mattered to me, the empty gaping hole in my existence hadn't felt as real it had today—like a tangible vast emptiness that was starting to swallow me.

"I can't do this anymore," I whispered, my voice sounding as hollow as I felt, "Not without you."

_Edward!_

The scream rang out again and my head snapped in its direction. It was different this time, more intense, more purposeful.

_I'm here, Edward, I'm here!_

Her voice ringing out for me again in the darkness shoved me over the edge and my will crumbled as it always did with her.

I sighed in defeat, and gave in.

After all, what was one last torture?

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

I have to give a HUGE shout out to _**Costa**_ she inspired the 'Hope shines here' line which I absolutely loved and just HAD to use.

Please, please, PLEASE review and tell me your thoughts. Best review get's a preview of the reunion chapter before I post it in a few days.


	14. Mirrors

**A/N: I can't believe I first published this story three years ago this month, and it's taken this long to get to their reunion.**

**I began writing this in September of 2008, right after I read all of the Twilight novels for the first time, a month after Breaking Dawn had been published. I remember that I wrote non-stop for two weeks, the story of that is in my profile I believe. I've had the reunion written since those first two weeks, but life has a strange way of tearing you away from things, and I suppose everything happens for a reason. If I hadn't been constantly distracted then the small epiphanies that occured along the way to build this into what it has become wouldn't have happened.**

**One of the very last chapters to this story is where it all started, I suppose it's the main epiphany, and I'll let you know when we get there, so until then...**

**Here it is, the reuinion.**

**I believe, due to the title 'Mirrors,' I should tell you that Justin Timberlake's song "Mirror" has been in my head, because it describes Bella and Edward so well, but...**

**Placebo's "Running Up That Hill" is definitely the track for this chapter.**

**Also...'Hope Shines Here' has over 200+ reads and 1 review? What's up with that? Hey, you lurkers, yeah you...why aren't you reviewing?**

**Me: *Glares at Edward***

**Edward: *Looks shocked* What?**

**Me: Oh, don't 'what' me. You know 'what'.**

**Edward: Actually, I don't.**

**Me: You're a pain in the ass to write…_that's_ 'what'. *Mumbles* Stupid, depressing vampire. No wonder no one is reviewing now.**

**Edward: Um…sorry?**

**Me: *Glares***

**Edward: Oh, come on! I said I was sorry.**

**Me: You don't look sorry. Jerk.**

**Edward: *scowling***

**Me: Don't look at me like that.**

**Edward: Then get to the part where I see Bella again.**

**Me: I am! Don't get your undead panties in a wad, okay? Besides, you over think _everything, _so it's _your _fault that it took me so long to write, not _mine_.**

**Edward: *grumbles* Touché. *Turns to the person reading this* Hey, you! Review so she'll quit picking on me. Pleeeeease?**

* * *

**Mirrors**

My connection to Edward was something untouchable—like my shield, it hummed around me invisibly. But the aftershock of the moment when I had lived through him was like an avalanche of knowledge…and pain, descending upon me with the crushing weight of its illumination. I was not the same person I had been before that moment, as my thoughts were once again my own. Something ripped me back into myself, and I felt like I was breaking the surface after being submerged in water for a long period of time. I gasped for air, my lungs expanding, but there was no relief in that cool gulp of oxygen as it permeated my lungs—I needed more. Something strange had happened to me, something that was beyond comprehension, a strange truth settling through me. I felt it deep within the muscles of my body, flowing through my veins—it prickled along my scalp and along my skin. I was…aware.

I needed Edward.

It had only been a few immeasurable moments since his emotions and memories had flowed through me but I felt exhausted from the flood of his memories, from the years of unending pain compressed into one violent stream of consciousness. Now here we were—two halves of a whole—barely out of reach. I felt suddenly sick and hollow, aching from the absence of his presence—for the first time feeling the full weight of nearly seventeen years apart. I sucked in a harsh breath as my mind reeled, my thoughts spiraling out of control. I had never truly understood anything until that moment. I dimly recalled the words of the others who stood just out of my line of sight behind me—the people I loved more than words could ever explain—but their words were shadows of the truth, vague inclinations of what they had seen and heard, but their words hadn't prepared me for _this, _nothing they could have said would have, because there were no words for this horror.

In the instant that my mind had jumped into his, I had involuntarily locked down my shield, cutting them all off from the memories that had flowed through me, but my weak human body couldn't handle the strain, my knees buckled, and I collapsed against the tree, falling to the forest floor as I braced as hard as I could to hold my shield intact. My body may have failed but my shield could not, it was the one thing that I had to retain control over.

"Bella!" It was Alice's voice whispering very low, she was at my side, reaching out for me. I moaned, my head falling limply backwards to thud against the base of the tree as I peered up at her with beneath hooded lids. "What happened?"

I rolled my eyes to hers, pressing my lips tightly together. I wasn't even sure that I could speak out loud even if I had wanted to. I had to focus harder than ever before to make her hear me. "_Don't speak out loud. I don't want him to hear us." _Even my inner voice sounded out of breath. "_I'm okay—I'll be okay at least. I'll explain later._" I pleaded with my eyes for her to trust me. She didn't move at first, but then she gave a quick nod before once again disappearing from view.

The memory of Edward's hallucination haunted me as I recalled my own delusional version of him—the one that my mind had created during those months without him, after he had left me. He and I were one and the same—even our insanity mirrored each other's. As that memory shimmered above my vision I realized in terror that those months without him had merely been the prelude—just the beginning of what I would have suffered had I lost Edward in the way that he had lost me, because Edward's pain had manifested that loss to its fullest.

We were mirror images, reflecting the path of our lives within each other. Had things been reversed, his pain would have been mine…exactly. I wished in that moment that I had the power to take his place, to take his pain into myself and spare him from what he had suffered.

I tried to think past the aftershock of pain that was still shaking me and focus. I had called out to him, and he had paused, but he wasn't moving. With horror, I realized that due to what had occurred during his last hallucination of me, he was fighting against the urge to follow my voice—doubt and pain clouding the truth. Panic seared me, and I gathered all the strength and pushed on shaky legs to stand again.

He had to come. I had to make him see. I had to fix what I had done to us.

I clenched my jaw and screamed his name again—panic and blinding need—fear and my all-consuming love for him in my voice.

I felt his head turn in our direction. I could almost feel his agony-filled golden eyes piercing me. He had to know, some part of him, deep down, he had to believe.

A sob lodged in my throat.

_I'm here, Edward, I'm here!_

I felt it when my voice broke—the balance of the tipping point in his restraint, as his body twisted at the sound, and he was suddenly flying towards us. I felt the others instantly go still, as they listened to the sound of something that I was unable to detect. My heart thudded once, loudly in my chest and then seemed to stop all together. It was the realization suddenly that he was there, barely fifty feet from me after seventeen years, which propelled my heartbeat into rapid flight again. I was dizzy from the rush, feeling my shield flex slightly as I almost lost control. My fingers dug into the bark of the tree, I steeled myself, sucking in a quick breath, and listened. There was nothing at first, and then I heard it, the softest murmur.

"Edward." It was Carlisle's voice. I shifted my shield so that I could see what he was seeing, and I nearly gasped when his vision blurred into focus over my eyes.

Edward stood frozen a small distance away from the rest of them, a feral gleam in his wide golden gaze, face frenzied and full of anguish, the soft purplish bruises beneath his eyes more pronounced than before.

"No…" His lips fluttered but his voice was barely loud enough even for their ears to hear.

"Edward, what—"

His words were cut off when Edward's voice whispered desperately, "She was here—I heard her." There was a hysterical edge to his words as his gaze swept the seven of them, he didn't even react when his eyes locked on Renesmee before sliding them back to meet Carlisle's. I felt my heart pick up its pace in my chest. "She came back," he murmured. "Didn't you hear her? I have to find her…one last time…before…" His words trailed of as something made him stiffen before he swallowed. "She said she wasn't coming back—she said good-bye." I knew that without having witnessed Edward's memories themselves, they didn't understand his meaning. They knew that I had called out to him, but they had only heard me scream his name so to them his words made no sense. "But she came back, she did, I heard her!" His eyes became unfocused then, darting frantically into the trees surrounding us, and then over his shoulder.

"Edward, who are you talking about?" Carlisle murmured.

Edward turned, his eyes slamming into Carlisle's. "Bella."

Carlisle exchanged worried glances with the others for a brief second before his eyes slid back to take in Edward's harrowing expression of panic.

"_I'll explain later_," I dropped my shield long enough to think to them all. "_Just keep him talking, don't give him time to think."_

"Edward, we need you to listen—" Carlisle began but Edward's voice lashed out.

"You don't understand! She needs me," Edward croaked. "She screamed for me, like she did before." The hysterical edge to his voice was rising higher. "She needs me. I have to find her. I need to say good-bye—I didn't get to say good-bye." His voice cracked. "I have to find her and tell her that I love her. I have to find her."

Carlisle raised his hands carefully. "Edward, calm down."

I saw through Carlisle's eyes as Edwards's fingers reached up to grip his hair in tight fists as he began pacing before them, staring at the ground. "I _heard_ her!" he shrieked suddenly, making the others jump as he shifted his weight. "She screamed my name! She was here—she was in my head. I heard her in my _head_!" He was shaking his head from side to side as he paced. "She said she was here. She said—"

Suddenly, he stilled and a peculiar look crosses his face as his gaze rose slowly to meet Carlisle's. "Why are all of you _here_?"

"We can explain," Carlisle began carefully taking a step forward but he froze when Edward took a mirroring step backwards.

"Why can't I hear what you're thinking?" There was fear in his tone.

"Edward…" I could hear the warning in Carlisle's voice.

Edward's eyes flew wide and his mouth fell open in horror. "You're not real either," he whispered and confusion filled me. "But, I don't remember dying."

He wasn't making any sense even to me anymore.

"Oh Edward, calm down, you're not dead." I could hear the tale-tell tone of Alice rolling her eyes as she flitted to his side and reached out to smack him lightly in the back of his head. I was so shocked that my mouth fell open with an almost audible pop. "See, you felt that, you're very much alive," she muttered, her hands going to her tiny hips as she fixed him a hard stare.

His nostrils suddenly flared and then his eyes narrowed at her as his hands fell to his sides into fists and a growl rumbled from two separate places at once. One was Edward and the other was Jasper.

"_You_ took it." The accusation in his tone was frightening.

"Took what?" She took a step backwards.

"The ring, Alice!" He growled menacingly as he began taking a step towards her, but Jasper was suddenly between them shielding Alice with his body. Edward froze and leaned around him to meet her gaze. "Bella's ring." He glared blackly at her."It's gone." His voice was haunted then and I knew that things were getting out of control. "It's gone. It's all gone," He whispered as his entire body went still, his eyes becoming unfocused. "She's gone."

"No, Edward—" She began but I knew I had to stop her.

"_Alice, Jazz, back away from him, now." _I thought to them urgently. "_He's unstable right now, arguing is only going to make it worse, just give him some space, please."_

They complied slowly, Jasper moving with her, only allowing her to step out from behind him once they were a safe distance away.

"I did take it, Edward, but it's not what you think," Alice said her voice very soft. "It needed to be polished," she lied smoothly, "I was going to have the cottage ready for you when you returned, but I didn't know that you would be back so soon." God, I loved her. She was brilliant.

Edward blinked at her for a long moment before his eyes slid back to Carlisle's and what I saw in them shocked me…he was giving up.

"It doesn't matter anymore," he whispered.

_Doesn't matter?_ My eyes went wide. _Oh, no you don't Edward Cullen. You are not giving up on me yet._

"_Carlisle…" _I thought to him in warning.

"Edward, I know that this all must be very confusing to you, but would you please give us the chance to explain?" he murmured carefully but Edward began shaking his head.

"There's no point in explaining, Carlisle," he whispered.

"It's about Bella."

Edward stilled, his body turning to frozen marble instantly and my heart began thumping again in my chest.

"What about, _Bella_?" His voice was cold; all traces of the emotion he'd displayed had vanished, but it made my chest tighten with every word all the same. His voice was still like cool silk on heated skin rubbing its way up inside of me. "When you said that I needed to come home…" He trailed off unfocused for a moment but then he inhaled sharply, his chest heaving before his eyes narrowed. "What is this all about, Carlisle? There's something you're keeping from me." Edward's tone was apprehensive—it was not the way he normally spoke, it hurt to hear it, it was almost physically painful to absorb the words as he spoke them. "Something's different…" he murmured. "I can sense it, in _all_ of you, something's changed." There was an underlying current of suspicion to his voice. Edward was never this distrustful, never this bitter. What had I done to him? _Oh, God forgive me_. I almost felt him flinch. Had he heard me? If he did, he didn't seem to recognize my mental whisper.

Carlisle spoke, sounding very diplomatic. "I told you when we spoke on the phone that something has happened."

"Yes…but you we're quite vague in your explanation. Do you mind telling me what it is, that I seem to be missing in all of this?" Edward asked politely shifting then, straightening, but it was a ruse—the manners, the suddenly well controlled words—they were the lie. He was going numb. "Since obviously, I can't read your mind." He almost sounded surprised, almost. "Why is that?" He tilted his head in question.

"Edward…" Esme began carefully and Edward's eyes slid to hers. "Whatever Carlisle told you—whatever he didn't tell you rather, there was a reason," she whispered.

"And what, pray tell, can that be?" He was so…_cold_, detached. It made me feel lifeless.

"Ask whatever else you wish, but we cannot tell you that." Esme sighed. "We can't even begin to assume how you might react; it's not our place to explain, we need you to just listen—"

"This…vagueness is becoming quite irritating." He ground out suddenly making me swallow hard. Esme, he'd used that tone with, Esme. This was bad. This was very, very bad.

"Please, don't be angry with us." Esme's voice whispered, she sounded sad.

"I should be," he muttered. "The prodigal son returns and his family welcome's him with secrets? Why would that _possibly_ anger me?" There was sarcasm there. He was being deliberately impolite, and that wasn't like him at all. Was any part of the man I loved left inside of him, or was it gone forever? I closed my eyes.

"Edward…" Emmet interjected. "Just let us explain-"

"Then explain quickly please…my patience is wearing quite thin at this very moment," he said through clenched teeth.

"When we came back, to Forks, we had no idea this was going to happen, please believe us." Rosalie began. "If we had known sooner, this all could have been avoided-"

"You had no idea that _what _was going to happen?" he spat.

"Just listen—" Carlisle began.

"I _am _listening!" Edward snarled loudly. "But none of you are _saying_ _anything_! You're speaking in riddles, being evasive and careful!" I was shaking suddenly, my whole body vibrating with fear, as a slight throbbing began inside my head. "You're keeping _something _from me, and I want to know what it is!" I clenched my jaw trying to hold onto the line of control in myself, in all of them. Why wasn't Jasper helping me out? "I don't like whatever game it is that you're trying to play Carlisle."

"This…is not a game." There was a hard edge to Carlisle's voice now. "This is a matter of life and death." There was silence for a long moment.

"Vampires do not dwell on matters of life and death, we are not alive and we are not dead as we should be." There was venom in Edward's words, poisonous blackness.

"But humans are." Alice finally spoke, in her natural trilling voice, but it shook, betraying her emotions. "Tell me that no human has ever made you fear matters of life and death and I'll put you in front of a mirror and show you a liar." There was that silence again.

"Is _that_ what this is?" His voice did sound surprised this time. "This whole ploy to lure me back to Forks under the pretense of attending school here again, was simply to remind me of _her_?" There was definite anger in his voice now.

"No—" Alice tried to respond but he cut her words away.

"No?" He sounded haughty now. "Am I imagining then, that you didn't meet me here, simply to welcome me home, but to force me to stay?" He spat harshly. "That you have finally decided to ignore my wishes to be left alone?" He was growing angrier with every word, and there was a sudden throbbing behind my eyes and beneath my scalp. "Well it took you long enough, I wondered when you would all turn on me and—"

"Stop it!" Esme cut harshly, her voice breaking. "You know that's not true," she whispered. "Why would you say things like that?" Her voice sounded hurt, and the throbbing continued, fiercer this time.

"How can you ask me that?" he asked, his voice shaking, so void of everything except silent disbelief that it astounded me. "If you all aren't involved in some master conspiracy to torture me, then what…is…_this_?" He hissed the last words distinctly as his arm jutted out to point one long lean finger in Renesmee's direction.

"You're her father, and she wanted to be here to see you," Rosalie railed angrily. "Besides, I thought you were past this stupidity," she spat.

"I'll go if you want me to Dad," Renesmee whispered dejectedly and for a moment I stilled, my heart lurching in my chest. I felt him flinch again; the air seemed to snap around his tension like gravity.

"That is…not necessary, Renesmee." He was forcing the words, he feigned politeness as least for her, but still…the discomfort in his voice was there. I felt a tear rolling down my cheek as the throbbing in my head started to ache. "Please…stay." He strained with the effort.

"Will you calm down and listen to us now?" Jasper asked.

"What exactly…am I going to be listening _to_?" Edward said it with such soft aggravation, that I realized that Jasper was trying his best to calm him, and it wasn't working.

"We know you're confused." Carlisle began. "We know things are happening that you don't understand, we're just trying to help you, to explain—"

"You haven't experienced what I did tonight!" Edward hissed.

"We know," Carlisle stated calmly.

"How can you?" Edward asked wildly.

"That's why I told you that you needed to come home," Carlisle reasoned. "The things that are happening—"

"You don't _know_ what has happened to me tonight!" Edward accused coldly. "You don't know what I've been through—"

"We do!" Alice interjected.

"No." Edward's voice was icy and blank. "You have no idea, you couldn't have even predicted what demons I would be faced with, only moments ago it seems," he ground out.

"If you don't believe that we understand, then tell us!" She hissed angrily. He paused for a moment, and I blinked, trying to beat back the growing ripples of pain that were swirling in my head.

"It's like I'm…losing…myself…my grasp on reality." He moaned breathlessly. "I'm seeing things that shouldn't be there." He breathed. "I'm hearing voices that are haunting me, calling to me." My head was pounding. "Not even voices, just one. I hear my name, and it's _her _voice!" His voice was so thick with raw pain, I thought I would choke, I could almost taste it. His name was muffled in my head, far away, and I groaned inwardly and rolled my head limply to the side, as my mind fell over and the pounding in my head fully broke through, cold air suddenly washing over my face, blinding pain dulling my senses as I tried to hold on. "I even smelled _her_ scent, I can smell it _right now, _and it burns through my body like the first time I was close to _her_!" he screamed. My eyes flew wide.

"We know…" Carlisle tried to comfort him. "We understand—"

"No!" Edward lashed out, cutting the air into silence, only his voice ringing in the dark. "You cannot even begin to comprehend my torture!" He almost whimpered the words harshly, before his voice was blazing wildly. "And something tells me, that you all _knew_ something like this would happen to me, when you asked me to come home!" He continued to rail and suddenly I felt the thin wire of my tension break, as my whole being fell into his again. I'd been trying too hard I realized, to control his emotions and my own unconsciously, I hadn't taken into account how strong _his_ would be, how in tune I was to _him_. My face felt numb, my limbs were heavy, and my head was immersed in irritating pressure. The sticky web of my own body was clearing, and the sound was being sucked back into my ears as if I'd just surfaced from the depths of dark water. It was sharp and desperate; quick repetitive beats in my head, beneath my skin, pulsing down my throat. It was my heart, screaming in my chest. Edward's heart couldn't beat, but mine could, and it was beating, as if it were his suddenly, and I suddenly heard through his ears, saw through his eyes, felt the deep cataclysmic fissure of his hollow shell filling with the only thing he had left. _Rage_.

My eyes flew open so quickly, I hadn't realized that I'd squeezed them shut. When the world focused, I couldn't see the desolate forest spread out darkly before me, I saw Edward's thoughts, his memories, through his eyes I saw the tainted meaningless existence he lived alone before they'd found him again, always in the dark, forever shunning the light.

A scream built in my own throat just as it did in his, but a pale face flashed sharply like silver and glass glinting in the sun and caught his attention and he was frozen in horror. _Bella_. Images flew at warped speed through our minds. So much blood, wide red eyes, an ashen face, tears, a last kiss held within a final gaze, flickering flames, the stone walls, dead. Tears welled in my eyes as he remembered. _Dead. Gone. Forever_. There were no words as it finally rose out of him, anger that was uncontrollable, and grief too overwhelming to handle as he fisted his hands into his wild bronze hair, before twisting sharply around, swinging blindly into a tree, too upset by things neither of us understood, things that made no sense in our world. The tall cedar crashed with the sharp sound of cracking wood against the forest floor as he covered his face to scream, scream until it hurt, until he could feel as if things in his throat were bursting, until I thought I would explode too.

He calmed, slowly by degrees, and I had to remind myself to breathe evenly. Even as I tried to listen, through his ears and my own, I squeezed my eyes tightly against the tears and turned my face to the side to breathe as I gasped silently, raw stinging chunks of air sliding down my throat. "You knew." He whispered turning back to look at the others.

"We didn't know how to warn you, how to explain it best," Carlisle whispered.

There it was again, that tense silence. "You should have just left me alone," Edward whispered.

"Why would we honestly do _that?_" Rosalie spat. "Let you wallow in your self-pity and grief?" She snorted. "_Right_."

"It's so easy to understand," he murmured sucking in a slow shuddering breath and I felt part of us calm and almost die all over again when he turned his head to the side and met her eyes. I was blinking back tears, as one slid from the corner of my eye and down to my lips, just as his would have done if he'd been able to. "The best part of me is missing, my reason for everything," he said softly. "It's not only that I can't face the world without her." He closed his eyes. "It's that I don't even want to try anymore." He exhaled slowly. "I should have just died." I almost choked.

"No one is asking you to face anything, no one is asking you to live or die." Alice assured him. "We're only asking you to listen. You need to listen." There was silence finally and I relaxed slightly, closing my eyes.

Then I heard it.

Jasper said the words that broke everything wide open. "You know, Bella wouldn't want you to be like this."

I felt something harsh jerk inside of Edward. Something full of disbelief and rage boiled up within him with the fact that he was using that point as leverage. Edward's eyes snapped to him. This was bad, very, _very _bad. A snarl of rage ripped the air suddenly and Edward collided into Jasper, like the sound of two large boulders crashing together cracked the air. Slamming him backwards so harshly that the actual rock he shoved him into fractured and crumbled from the pressure of their bodies hitting hit. Jasper's eyes were wide, his mouth frozen into a silent 'o', the other's watching in unspoken horror as Edward's face darkened before reaching out to grab Jasper by the collar, taking him by surprise, dragging him over so that he could transfer his weight into one of the farthest tress from where I stood. He slammed him so hard that weaker branches gave way and tumbled down around them, but carefully enough so that the tree still stood. Edward lifted him, until Jasper was on his toes, his hands grasping Edward's wrists for support.

"How dare you say that to me?" Edward screamed into his face. "How dare any of you try to presume you know what it is that I need to hear or know or do." He kept his eyes on Jasper who was still shocked to silence. "How dare any of you presume to know what it is that I feel—what I should feel!" he shouted. "How dare any of you try to pretend that you ever loved her even remotely as much as I did!" I could feel Jasper take that as window of opportunity, cluing me in that he'd mean to rile Edward in that way. The others, obviously already knew that, hence the reason they hadn't stopped him. Well, hell, evidently my control was in shambles.

"Did?" Jasper raised a brow challengingly and I felt Edward's rage climb, pulling Jasper forward before slamming him back again, the loud snap of a dozen more tiny branches was heard as they broke lose to litter the forest floor around them.

"Do!" Edward corrected snarling. "Always will!" he screamed again. "What do you all want from me?" He pleaded with eyes that would be fighting the onslaught of tears if they were able. "The only thing I lived for in this wretched existence is gone!" He growled. "So why do you all feel the need to attack me for grieving because of it?" I could barely see through the film a tears filling my eyes, unbroken, holding on the brim of my lids, as he ground out the words. "Why can't you just let me suffer? Why can't I be allowed to accept my punishment? What's so wrong about not wanting to exist without her, but being too selfish to just let her go?" His arms lowered slightly but he still held on, pleading with him, his voice fading with every word he spoke, along with his grip on Jasper. "Why can't you all see…if I died…there would be nothing for me then…my selfishness is my punishment…if I exist…at least I have my memories…that's all I have left of her," he whispered, the remains of his anger bleeding away as our connection burst and broke away. I was trembling suddenly from the aftermath of knowing the full weight of his grief. I heard them both shift slowly. A flash of Edward's face buried against Jasper's chest as he held him—sobbing tearless cries—burst in a white vision as the last remains of our connection faded like a dream and I was once again seeing fleeting images through Carlisle's eyes.

_Oh Edward…Forgive me. _I begged and the second I did I squeezed my eyes tighter, knowing that he'd heard me. His head must have snapped up as he turned to face the others.

"Who _is_ that?" Edward snarled loudly. He was angry now. Just as someone was about to answer, the wind shifted, ruffling my hair slightly carrying my scent with it and I felt the air freeze just then. "What…is…_this_?" he hissed, and my heart pounded in my chest, loudly enough that it thrummed through the air like a drum.

Renesmee's heart beat would disguise my own, but just barely, if it had been anybody else, it might have worked. Maybe. But Edward knew my heart, dead and silent or wild and alive—he knew my blood—and my body. Yet…he was still denying the truth even as his own acknowledgement presented it to him in a gift wrapped box. I knew what he was experiencing now, my own awareness was heightened. The thirst was ravaging his throat, burning his nostrils, and the sound of my pulse was almost tangible on his tongue. Venom pooled in his mouth. I could feel when he took a step forward—just as I watched—toward the sound of my erratic heart, because the air suddenly shifted with tension and everyone suddenly moved.

"Don't," Emmett warned. They were all blocking his path to me. Renesmee had taken a step back, closer to the tree that I had suctioned myself to, and Edward's eyes narrowed, noticing what she had done.

"And you wondered why I assumed masterful deception?" Edward's voice was callous and black again. "What is this, if not an ambush on my free will, to force whatever pain upon me, that whatever you're hiding will inflict?" He sounded so pained and betrayed suddenly.

"You don't understand," Carlisle whispered softly.

"What?" The sound of his sharp voice jerked me and I opened my eyes mirroring the pain in his voice. "What is it that I don't understand?" He breathed so helplessly. "Tell me _Father_." Edward spat the word harshly.

"I'm trying to tell you…" Carlisle strained.

"So, tell me!" Edward railed. "Because you know what I think?" I blinked and saw a flash of Edward as he tilted his head to the side in calm contemplation. "I think it's _you_ who doesn't understand." He snarled. "That I don't want to see anything that reminds me of _her_." He hissed violently. "That I don't want to talk to anyone who wants to try and _fix me." _He railed "_You_, don't understand." He breathed harshly. "Part of me _can't_ live with only a ghost of her." He whispered. "And part of me doesn't _want_ to be healed—part of me doesn't _want_ this pain to end." I barely heard him then, and I braced myself for the oncoming words, but nothing could fully prepare me. "I…just…want…to _die_," he said through clenched teeth and as I blinked back my tears I saw the drowning, burning defeated look in his topaz gaze, and that was the end of my restraint, I couldn't watch him suffer anymore, if I did, I _would_ die. I blinked and I was once again seeing solely through my own vision.

"Please, don't…say that," I whispered brokenly, but my voice had the same effect as the crack of a loud whip would have. I drew in a deep breath, blocking out the world, focusing only on Edward's thoughts. I heard nothing…there was nothing in him, barely a flicker of life. No other thought was left in him after that confession.

I felt my body, tense against the trunk of the tree before I stepped away and silence enveloped the enclosure. I pulled myself farther away and turned—I could feel his attention slide to the movement he heard coming from where I was. My heart sped and my eyes welled with tears as I turned, pivoting slowly around, stepping slowly from behind my stalwart cover, until one by one, each of the Cullen's became visible, their faces looking at me with mixtures of horror and sorrow and shock. I took step, by slow aching, step forward, as the others stepped away from my path, parting the world between us and then…there he was, standing perfectly in a beam of moonlight.

His pale perfect skin was translucent, light glinting off his untamed bronze hair, his dark bloodless lips, parted so perfectly. My eyes locked with his and there was nothing else as my heart skipped a beat. His topaz gaze was wide, focused solely on me…the world bleeding away, seeing only me, and in turn all I could see was him—flashes of images of his face, staring at me from the alter, as he waited for me at the end of the stretch of space that seemed too far away. He His face wasn't the shocked horror that had been etched across countless human expressions when he finally saw me—it was torture, agony, the deepest facet of pain and grief that ever existed.

I finally found my voice again, but it sounded a bit hysterical. "Wouldn't that be some irony?" My smirk of amusement was in place across my lips, my brows furrowed in my attempt to withstand the pressure filling my chest. "You think I'm dead when of course…" I rolled my eyes trying to fill them with mirth, trying to act calm when my insides were turning into a quivering jumbled mess. "I'm really not." His face didn't change—he was still a perfect statue as I continued slowly forward. "Then you do something drastic and then, when I wake up, the only reason I had to not give in and die, the only thing that saved me in the first place from dying…would be dead?" I crinkled my nose in a look of abhorrence. "Doesn't that sound familiar to you?" I murmured teasingly. "I think we've been through this before." I smiled. Still nothing. It was as if he were frozen in place. I felt the others follow me with their eyes as I passed them but I didn't look away as I took a few more shaky steps. "It makes me want to smack Bill Shakespeare upside the head for giving people dumb ideas." I tried a halfhearted smile, but it was weak. "Typical Romeo and Juliet, what a joke." I shook my head then my face softened before I stilled and a small smile bloomed. "I guess I shouldn't have made you watch it so many times." I frowned taking another step forward. "Considering your tendency to steer towards the dramatics," I breathed and when I was close enough to almost touch him, staring up into his eyes, my vision from earlier came true. He collapsed to his knees before me.

I stared down at him, and it was as if I _knew _what to do. I took one step closer, and reached out, slowly, with all the courage, and all the longing desire and adoration I had for him, he went rigid just before I touched his face with trembling fingertips. When I felt the coolness of his skin, his entire being sagged beneath my touch, as if relieved—as if whatever life was left in him evaporated, but he still stared up at me with those impossibly wide, impossibly beautiful golden eyes, accentuated by the light of the moon.

"I'm so glad…" I whispered. "…that right now I can say my favorite gemstone…is topaz," I murmured. "Because if it were onyx, it would mean that I wouldn't be able to see…how beautiful, you're eyes still are to me." I whispered, and he made a small noise deep in his chest, a soft moan of agony. "You're not even smiling and you're dazzling me." He hadn't moved at all, he was still beneath my touch, as my eyes flickered between his gaze and his parted lips.

My fingers trailed down, across the smooth expanse of his alabaster cheek, tracing the curve of his jaw, until they brushed gently against his stone lips. "Seventeen years…" I whispered. "And a whole lifetime later, and I'm still in danger…of falling even more completely and undeniably in love with you than ever." His lips trembled slightly, his cool breath against my fingertips. I drew my eyes away from his lips, back to his eyes, they were so soft now, raw, and it made my heart ache terribly. "Edward…" Tears suddenly welled in my eyes, blurring my vision, as my voice cracked, choking off as I said his name. I blinked refusing to miss a moment of his face, and the tears spilled free, as I traced my fingers back across his cheek, higher, letting them smooth against the silken strands of bronze at his temple.

"I'm so sorry…" I sobbed suddenly. "I'm so very sorry…I never meant…I didn't know what else to do." I choked on the words as they became caught in my throat. His brows furrowed in confusion, but the fixated expression of desperation never left his eyes. "Even if I had been able to kill Zachary," I whispered. "The thirst was too strong for me to overcome, I would have killed her." I heard someone behind me suck in a sharp breath but I ignored it. Edward didn't seem to have heard it. "Our daughter, I would have _killed _her." I said it stronger, trying to make him understand. "I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I had." I whispered. "I wouldn't have been able to forgive you if you'd let me." His face changed, very slowly, finally registering what I was speaking of it seemed.

"Edward…" I choked with tears in my voice as the quaking in my knees suddenly caused them to collapse. Before I had barely moved, cold hands moved at blinding speed, and long pale fingers gripped my waist, lowering me gently. As if I were floating, he slowly lowered me to my knees, until I was staring up instead of down, into his drowning gaze, which followed me along every inch of my descent. "I'm so sorry," My voice cracked again. "I'm so sorry I left you." I whispered reaching out with both of my hands to cup his face. "Forgive me," I begged, sobbing, shaking, closing my eyes, bowing my head as my arms slowly went limp, sliding down the cool expanse of his exposed neck, over his stone shoulders until they rested with my fingers wrapped gently around the crease of his elbows. He was still holding my waist, he hadn't moved since he'd set me on the ground, I could feel a slight trembling in his arms. I tried to remember, could vampires tremble, was that even possible?

I stilled suddenly when I felt him slowly lean forward, waiting, hung on the edge of anticipation, keeping my eyes closed. Then I felt it, a rush of his icy breath washed over the skin of my neck, sending shivers down my body, causing me to let out a shuddering breath. He paused, and after a long moment, there was the softest brush of his cool skin at the pulse of my neck, almost the flutter of a moth's wing, sweeping down slowly across my collar bone and back up over my shoulder, trailing up my neck again, tracing my jaw, and then down again. This time as he came to pause once again at the pulse of my neck, I felt him draw in a slow breathe, and his hands tightened convulsing onto my hips into an almost painful grip. Then, as if he were mustering all the control he was capable of, he tilted his head ever so slightly, and his lips pressed against my pulse, kissing the skin over the flow of blood beneath the surface. I parted my lips and sucked in a slow breath, as my eyes fluttered open slowly, seeing where his bronze head was bent down, his shoulders hunched forward, as if he were trying to maintain some distance between our bodies while still pressing as closely as he could handle.

"Is it…" I began carefully so as not to startled him. He loosened his hold on my hips suddenly, as if realizing how tight he'd been holding me, pulling back slowly until he could meet my eyes again, and his face was barely inches from mine. "Is it hard for you…to be around me again?" I whispered looking down. One hand rose to cup one finger beneath my chin, pulling my face back to his. His gaze was searching, his eyes flickering between mine rapidly, darting down to my lips and all across my face, before they met mine again. He didn't answer my question making me frown softly. "Edward?" I whispered, but he continued to gaze softly into my eyes, I couldn't make out his expression as clearly as before with his head tilted slightly down away from the light of the moon. His brows furrowed softly for a moment, before his thumb came up to trace over the edge of my lips slowly. Then, when his silence was starting to make me slightly afraid, he spoke.

"I begged…" he whispered, his cool breath washing against my mouth, "To dream of you." He face took on that expression of torment once again. "I didn't think it was possible," he breathed. "I've almost forgotten how real dreams can be." I was about to protest his words, when he began to lean forward slowly, his body vibrating with the tension it took to maintain his seemingly infinite restraint, pausing a paper thin space from me, and then, after a long agonizing moment, he kissed me. And oh God, it was the same, the exact same as the first time he'd pressed his lips to mine the day we'd visited the meadow. Electricity zinged through my body, jolting me suddenly, and I felt my hands spasm against his arms. Suddenly I threw my body against his, my fingers entwining themselves in his hair, pressing his kiss harder into mine. He froze, but instead of pulling away, he deepened the kiss, as if he were trying to erase the knotted and tortured emotions from his being, like he was sucking at my lips, siphoning the antidote to a fatal poison from within me.

I wasn't being careful, and neither was he. He kissed me thoroughly, until there was nothing left in either of us but a profound, devastating sense of completeness, but he didn't pull away. Like me, he just needed to feel the pressure of our bodies, needed to mold himself against me as tightly as he could. The warmth of my body from my racing blood, made him feel even cooler, the cold seeping through our clothes. This was everything—it was all I ever wanted to know. This was the way I knew it would always be, he was mine, and I was his, nothing had changed. The way he touched me, held me, the way his mouth moved against my own, heady and delicious and desperate, all of it was precisely and utterly the same. It was the most glorious kiss in the world.

After a long moment, I leaned away slowly, letting my fingers untangle from his hair, coming to rest on either side of his neck, as both of our breaths came in shallow harsh pants. He didn't need the air but his lungs instinctively grasped for it anyway. "Dreams don't feel that incredible," I murmured softly. "No dream I've ever had could replicate this," I whispered.

"You said you weren't coming back." He seemed perplexed making me sigh, before leaning forward to duck my face into the dip of his neck, as I slid my arms beneath his to hold his chest to mine.

"I'm not a dream," I whispered. "I'm alive, Edward." He seemed to go suddenly rigid, his whole body suddenly screaming his denial. I sighed, rolling my eyes to myself. I knew this couldn't be that easy. I let my shield tighten suddenly, so that I still couldn't hear anything from the others, I didn't care, and I wasn't going to bother finding out. I continued to hold him forcefully, feeling his head turn as if studying me where I was curled against him before his arms came to envelope me tightly. I sighed contentedly, snuggling closer against him, closing my eyes, as I pressed my lips to his stiff neck. After a long moment, I took another deep breath and opened my eyes. "You don't believe me," I sighed sadly. He pulled away slowly then, making me straighten to meet his eyes again.

"I don't care what you are," he whispered. "I'll settle for a dream," he murmured softly his brows knitting together painfully. I groaned, leaning away, letting my head fall back in exasperation to blink up at the trees, and his fingers fanned out across my back as he held me.

"I actually thought this was going to be easy for a second," I muttered to no one shaking my head. "I'm still a stupid lamb," I sighed—he seemed to freeze at that. I looked forward again before reaching behind my back to try to pull his fingers away, but he tightened his hold as his face took on a form of fearful panic like I had never seen before. "Trust me," I whispered looking into his eyes. He still seemed unsure, but this time he let me remove his hands slowly, twisting his palms to entwine his fingers in mine, supporting my weight as I pushed up to stand. Slowly, with effort, he stood with me, his hands squeezing mine anxiously. I smiled up at him warmly, reassuring him gently, slipping one hand slowly from his—he was reluctant at first, his fingers moving with mine. "I won't let go," I promised squeezing his other hand gently, answering his unspoken fear. His eyes flickered to my eyes, sucking in a soft breath when he saw my ring before his eyes rose back to slam into wine. We were silent for a long moment before I finally forced myself to turn away, so that I could face the others.

I met Carlisle's eyes first, noting how they all were still standing where they had been before, never moving an inch, but their faces had fallen into their perfectly blank masks. "We should probably do this back at the house." I frowned, speaking out loud for Edward's sake before I shivered suddenly. "It's getting cold." Carlisle didn't move at first but then I saw the barest nod, and I smiled, turning back to face Edward. He hadn't taken his eyes off of me since I'd turned away—he was still staring at me, still in a state of refusal to accept that I was real obviously. "Will you carry me?" I whispered. He stared at me for a long moment, considering my words and then suddenly, I was cradled in his arms, the movement so quick it almost made me dizzy. I took a moment to steady myself before I spoke. "I can climb on your back if it would be easier," I murmured touching his cheek. His face darkened suddenly, not in anger, but in distrust.

"I'm not taking my eyes off of you," he said firmly and I grinned slightly.

"I'm not going to disappear," I smiled. "You're kind of stuck with me." His face softened slightly but I knew I wasn't winning.

"I'm not taking my eyes off of you," he repeated, blankly this time. I rolled my eyes.

"And here I thought you would be the one person who _wouldn't _treat me like a ghost," I sighed, he frowned then.

"I've upset you," He panicked, furrowing his brows painfully.

"No." I shook my head and touched his cheek gently. "I'm just frustrated," I sighed leaning up to touch my lips to his for a brief moment. "I really wish you would believe me." I frowned softly. He contemplated me for a moment, his gaze unsure.

"I'm still not taking my eyes off of you," he whispered and I swallowed suddenly, his words making me think of something.

"Please don't say that," I pleaded fearfully my eyes going wide. "I just got you back. I don't want to be turned into a pancake when you hit a tree because you weren't paying attention to where you're going." I almost saw amusement as his lips twitched slightly. "Besides…" I smiled letting my fingers touch his lips and he kissed the tips softly. "I'm in your arms—won't that be enough until we at least get to the clearing?" I asked. His eyes tightened for a moment, and then he pressed me closer to him.

"If it will put you more at ease," he murmured. I nodded and finally he let his eyes slide up to look at the others. "Shall we?" he asked softly but I didn't let my eyes leave his face. Someone must have answered him, because he turned the full impact of those topaz eyes on me again. I blinked.

"Oh!" I gasped tearing my gaze away and his hands tightened. "My hoodie is still behind the tree." I tried to shift in his arms but his hold stiffened again.

"I've got it." Emmet called appearing suddenly with the garment dangling from one finger tip. I smiled.

"Thanks, Em." He winked and then the others turned and took off ahead of us. I blinked when their departure left no evidence of their presence other than the rustle of a few leafs. Slowly I slid my face back to Edward's where his eyes were still all for me.

"Hold on tightly to me," he whispered, leaning to press his lips once more to mine. "I can't bear to have you any farther away from me than necessary." I blinked once and nodded, sliding my arms up to wrap them around his neck, burrowing my face into the space between his skin and mine. He held me, in almost a sitting position, pressing me against him, one arm beneath the bend of my knees, the other in a straight line up my spine, his cool palm sliding carefully beneath the curtain of my hair to cup against the heat of my neck. "Don't forget to close your eyes," he reminded me with a soft chuckle pressing his lips to my ear, and I smiled.

"I'm not even going to peek," I whispered against his neck.

We were moving suddenly, but this time I didn't pay any attention to the chill of the wind against my skin, I was only aware of the way his arms never let my body move from where he held me, he never let me slip an inch. When we crossed over the river, I tightened my arms instinctively, and I heard another soft chuckle in my ear. The impact of his landing was barely noticed, as he tightened his hold to brace me. His movements were more fluid and graceful than Emmett's had been. I noticed when he was moving with blinding speed again. At least, I thought he was—I wasn't paying any attention. It seemed to have been only a few seconds, from when we had begun moving until we finally slowed. I felt the wind slowly disappear, making me look up gradually, and he let me. I blinked. We were a few yards from the front porch.

"I can walk the rest of the way," I offered but he ignored me, continuing up the stairs, crossing to the front door where Carlisle held it open for us. The others were already there, waiting just inside the entrance. "You can put me down now," I whispered looking up at him, and true to his word, his eyes were locked back on me. Now that we were both basked in light, I'm sure his gaze was memorizing me, because I was doing the same, noting how his amber eyes seemed lighter than they had been in the woods, with only the jarring light of the moon upon them. Carlisle shut the door but neither of us looked up when we heard it. Edward seemed to debate something silently for a moment, his eyes darting between mine quickly. "I'm not going to disappear," I reminded him with a smile, and he finally let me slide to my feet gently, with practiced effort at slowness, turning me to cause our bodies to skim closely against each other's—the friction made things low in my body tighten. I blushed furiously and his gaze lit up suddenly, his fingers rising to caress my cheeks delicately.

"I've missed that so much," He sighed shakily. "You have no idea." He was shaking his head as if the weight of the emotions pained him greatly, before his fingers reached down for mine. It took all my strength to tear my eyes away from his but I finally did, meeting the wary gazes of the others.

"Are you all okay?" I laughed raising one brow. No one spoke, they continued to stare unblinking at Edward, as if unsure what to do. Renesmee was staring at us both with longing and I felt a twinge of pain in my chest. I reached out my hand to her and she took a step forward.

I wasn't sure what happened next. There was a loud snarl and Edward's arms were suddenly around me, shielding me from her. "_Don't_…_touch_…_her_." He hissed and I raised my eyes to see the threatening glare he was bestowing on her.

"Edward!" I shouted appallingly. "She's our daughter!" I pleaded reaching up to pull his face back to mine. When he met my eyes which were full of pain, his face softened abruptly, furrowing his brows. "She's _our _daughter," I whispered. My eyes darted between his quickly, staring up into his face fearfully. "She's _your _daughter." I let my thumbs brush the smooth expanse of his cheeks slowly. "You told me, just before I died, you said 'She's part of you, she's part of me too' remember?" He stared down at me, his golden eyes tortured as my words ignited the memories. "That hasn't changed," I whispered, "She's still part of us." I looked down slowly. "And I would gladly give my life for hers again." I felt his arms tighten, as he leaned to rest his cheek against my forehead gently. "I love her," I whispered, "You love her too." I pulled away to look at him, searching his eyes, and it was there, the spark of hope I needed, the truth was there just beyond those amber rings. He _did _love her, but that love was buried beneath years of pain and suffering.

I slowly stepped away, actually surprised that he let me, and turned back to face the others. Renesmee was tucked against Rosalie's side, tears streaming down her face. This was breaking her heart. I furrowed my brows painfully and shot Edward and angry glare. His face took on a punished expression of pain, but I had to ignore it, he wasn't the only person I loved who was suffering. This time, I stepped forward, pulling fully away from Edward's desperate hands and he made a noise that almost sounded like a whimper. I met his eyes where they were wide and full of fear before taking a breath and turning away, walking to take Renesmee in my arms, she sobbed suddenly against my chest, shaking my body.

"I promised that I'd make everything right," I murmured rubbing her back soothingly. "And I will," I assured her. I felt her nod numbly as she tightened her hold on me and renewed her crying. "I love you," I whispered.

"I love you Momma," She sobbed making tears prick my own eyes.

"My little nudger." I smiled pressing my lips to her hair. "My Nessie." I grinned. "And damn Jacob for that nickname, because it really grew on me." I laughed and she pulled away to meet my eyes, laughing too, amidst the tears.

"It grew on everybody." She smiled softly but her slid to something over my shoulder and her face slid into horror. "_Mom_." Her voice was panicked suddenly and when I whirled suddenly to face Edward, his expression was a mimic of the way he'd looked the first time he seen me in our Biology class, hate and horror…his eyes black with rage and underlying terror.

"Edward…what's wrong?" I whispered. He shook his head and began backing away, his mouth gaping open, his eyes frenzied. I stepped forward and he in turn took another step back. "Edward?" I paused, the strain of hurt in my voice.

"Am I being punished?" His voice was so soft and broken I barely heard him.

"Punished?" I whispered worriedly. "How?"

"Are you punishing me for not saving you?" He backed up suddenly to press himself against the door. "Why now?" He moaned, and it was a hollow sound that I had never heard before. "I can't watch you die again," he choked shaking his head quickly. "I can't lose you again." He screwed his eyes shut tightly. "Please don't…do this," he begged.

"Edward…" I whispered taking a step forward, reaching out to him and he tried to press tighter against the door.

I was only a few feet from him when his eyes flew open, and I held out my hand to him. "Take my hand, I'm not going anywhere," I whispered tenderly. "I won't let go again, I promise." He didn't move at first, his wide fear filled eyes, searching my face desperately.

Finally, after a long moment, he edged slowly forward, his pale fingers reaching out to touch mine and when they did, his whole being sagged in relief, before he pulled me against him, his body trembling again, fully shaking in fear almost. I pressed my face into his chest, breathing in the scent of him mixed with the smell of the ocean, before I slid my face up to his, touching my fingers to the dark circle beneath one eye. "I'm right here," I murmured, rising up on the tips of my toes to press my lips to his. "I'm right here," I repeated softer against his lips. He kissed me then, more fully than before, his arms tight around my waist, holding me like he was afraid to let me go. I was crushed against his chest as his lips worked hungrily against mine—his fingers fanned my back, holding me close. The pressure was making me suddenly dizzy so I pushed gently away to meet his eyes. We were both breathing harshly, and his eyes had bled back to rings of gold as he stared at me wordlessly. I grinned softly, trying to mimic the crooked grin he'd bestowed on me countless times. "Try to remember, I'm human again, I actually need to breathe." I smirked and his eyes tightened slightly in skepticism but one corner of his mouth twitched in amusement. I smiled and stepped away making sure to catch his hand in mine when I did, squeezing it gently in reassurance, before turning back to the others.

I blinked, they had moved farther away, giving us some space as they waited anxiously for us at the edge of the living room. "We're coming," I called tugging Edward's hand gently, pulling him with me as I made my way to the living room. It seemed appropriate I mused, to perform my explanations to Edward where my memories had brought me back to myself. They all moved blindingly fast to take up positions around the room, as I brought Edward and myself to stand before them all, I turned to face Edward.

"I believe you owe the others an apology," I whispered. He blinked back at me, not moving. "For accusing them of betrayal…when they were only trying to bring us together," I explained softly. He finally turned to scan their faces slowly, each of them, first to Carlisle then to Esme as if he were seeing them for the first time, then to Rosalie and Emmet briefly, before his gaze touched on Jasper and finally Alice. He'd skipped over Renesmee. That made me slightly angry. I tugged on his hand making him turn back to me. "Quit blaming her for something I did," I whispered touching his face. "Quit blaming yourself," I sighed and his eyes softened.

"None of it matters," he said it blankly. That made my brows furrow.

"None of it _matters_?" I whispered in confusion and he slowly reached out to cup my cheek with a cool palm, his thumb stroking my heated skin, raw worship in his eyes.

"It's like you're real again," he sighed and his words spun my head into a new dimension of aggravated frustration. I turned desperate eyes to Carlisle.

"He still doesn't believe me?" I frowned, but Carlisle didn't answer he was watching Edward's face. I sighed. "I wish it had been as easy as we both hoped it would be Rose." My eyes found her face.

She was smiling regretfully. "Me too."

I swung back to meet Edward's gaze. "Do you even want to believe that I'm alive?" It sounded like an accusation. It _was_ an accusation. I'd almost forgotten how obstinate he could be.

"I don't care what you are, as long as you're here." I squared my shoulders and glared irritably up at him.

"And if this is a dream…when you wake up, I'll be gone." His eyes seemed to flash with understanding at that. "You would rather believe that, than believe that I'm here…forever." His brows furrowed.

"I hope I don't wake up," he murmured softly, tracing my lips with a cold finger. "I'd be happy if I were dead right now, hell is bearable with you by my side," he whispered.

"Did I kill somebody in my past life that I don't remember?" I railed leaning away, my eyes going around the room before coming back to his. "Is there a reason why I'd be in hell right now?" I snapped glowering at him. His eyes tightened slightly.

"You gave up your soul to be with me," he said softly, with subtle remorse. "You didn't do anything to deserve it," he murmured. "I did it to you." I shrugged his hand away from my face loosening my hold on the hand that was still entwined in mine, but I didn't let go. I'd promised that I wouldn't.

"Stop it!" I yelled. I was angry now. "Enough of this soulless crap." His face betrayed his pain, the knowledge that he'd upset me must have bothered him more than I'd imagined it would.

"I've upset you." He repeated the words he had earlier in the woods with the same soft tone.

"Yeah, this time you have." I nodded angrily and he frowned reaching out to touch his fingers beneath my jaw.

"Forgive me," he murmured softly, the apology filling his face, and my anger melted away.

I sighed. "You really would rather be in hell than here with me?"

"No," his voice broke and in turn so did my heart. "That's not what I meant."

I sighed in exasperation. "Why don't you believe me?"

He didn't answer—his eyes were searching my face, trailing across my body as he examined me. Slowly he reached out to pinch a strand of my hair between his fingers.

"I dyed it," I mumbled in irritation. "I ran into Angela and Mike—you remember them don't you?" I dipped to catch his gaze and his eyes flickered to mine before he nodded once. "They saw me and freaked out because I looked so much like me—well, exactly like me, but I didn't know it at the time. I didn't know who I was then," I tried to explain. "So, after I went to see Charlie I decided that I didn't want anyone else treating me like I was a freak—"

A low growl from Edward halted my words.

"Edward, calm down," I said it carefully. "It's okay—seeing me just startles people." I shrugged. The tension in his body loosened and I send a quick worried look to the others. "Anyway…to make a long story short—"

"Too late," I heard Emmet mutter it under his breath but I ignored him.

"I dyed my hair." I shrugged. "If you don't like it, I'll dye it back." I offered looking up at him. His gaze was still washing over my face.

"I like whatever makes you happy," he murmured gently.

"You believing that I'm alive would make me _really _happy right now," I grumbled staring up at him. He didn't answer me—he just continued to examine the strand of blond hair between his fingers.

I was about to open my mouth when Edward suddenly tensed.

"What is it?" I whisper worriedly.

"What is _he _doing here?" he said through clenched teeth.

I was confused, looking to others trying to decipher his meaning.

"Ness? Bells?" I could hear Jacob's voice suddenly calling to us from outside, his voice getting closer. "Hellooooooo? Anybody home?"

"In here Jake!" I called out but before I could move to greet him Edward's arms were around me, and he has pulled us to the farthest corner of the room, putting himself between Jake and I as I heard footsteps enter the living room.

"What the—Edward, what are you doing?" I shrieked.

"He can't have you, you're _mine_." Edward's voice was frantic almost as if he were talking to himself.

"Bells?" I heard Jacob's confused voice as I shoved at Edward's back trying to push until I could see around him.

A snarl ripped from Edward's chest. "Stay away from her!"

"Jake, you may want to stay back," I warned him carefully still trying to see around Edward.

"What in the hell did you do to him Bells—drive him right off the vampire insanity cliff?" His voice wasn't amused, he's serious.

Another growl erupted from Edward's chest.

"Edward, if you hurt Jake…" I latched onto his wrists, as if my meager human hands could hold him. My eyes flickered to the others, at least the ones that I could see, Jasper, Emmet and Rosalie. "Uh, a little help here?" I raised my brows at them and they suddenly moved to stand between Jacob and Edward.

"Stay away from her, she's _mine_," Edward snarled again.

"Is he serious right now?" Jacob's voice was full of disbelief.

"Ugh!" I grunted letting go of one wrist to shove him hard with one palm in between his shoulder blades. "Edward, cut it out!" I muttered angrily.

"No, you picked me." The hysterical edge was back in Edward's voice. "You picked me, Bella, not him." He glanced briefly at me.

"Yes, yes I did," I nodded as I spoke trying to sound reassuring but it sort of came off as me being a smartass unintentionally, "There isn't anyone to pick—I'm in love with _you_. I married you for crying out loud, Edward!"

"Dude." Jacob's voice made Edward look at him, distracting him enough so that I was able to lean around him to see Renesmee at his side staring at us both with wide eyes through the barricade of bodies between us and them. "I'm in love with your _daughter_, I have no interest in your uh…_wife_—er, not anymore—at least other than…you know…her being my best friend and all." I grimaced giving Renesmee an apologetic frown

There was a long moment of silence as I felt a blush creep into my cheeks, embarrassment flooding through me.

"Well, this is awkward," I muttered.

* * *

HUGE THANK YOU to my superb Beta, Content1! She puts up with my forgotten commas and misplaced capitalizations like a freaking champ!

Review, review, review and maybe I'll have more cute Edward/Bella moments coming soon.

Also, anything that you all are excited to see, let me know. I have a few tricks up my sleeve still. ;)


	15. Stitch By Stitch

A/N: Things are about to get...interesting, to say the least, and I have another chapter to post as well that everyone should enjoy.

I sort of had a few songs in my head when writing this. One was Javier Colon's "Stitch By Stitch" hence the name of the chapter. The other one was...*cringes*...a song by Lindsay Lohan. I know, I know...Lindsay Lohan of all people? But the song is actually fitting and not half-bad. Obviously it's not that bad if I'm listening to it, ha ha. Just kidding, about the 'obviously' part. It's called "Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father)"

It's actually really sweet and just imagine Renesmee singing this to Edward.

Enjoy, peeps!

* * *

**Stitch By Stitch**

This was completely ridiculous—absurd really—having to explain to my vampire husband that my werewolf best friend was, in fact, in love with my half-human, half-vampire, now older than me, daughter, and not me—his back-from-the-dead wife. It was mind-boggling, and utterly embarrassing. It probably had something to do with the fact that during my short two years spent as a vampire and mother, Edward, Jacob and I had never discussed with Renesmee our convoluted situation from before she had been born. After all, she'd been alive barely two years then and her relationship with Jacob hadn't evolved into anything further than friendship, so we hadn't seen a reason for it.

When I had been explaining my theory about soul mates to the others earlier, I had sort of skipped over the small detail that my best friend and I had once upon a time shared a little more than friendly familiarity. I was regretting that now…until I saw her face.

She was staring wordlessly at me, her lips pulled into a small smirk, one eyebrow raised in amusement as I peeked out from behind Edward. He had both arms spread out behind him, in some odd attempt to protect me from Jacob. Renesmee's hand was in Jacob's and the other clutched his forearm protectively as he edged his body out in front of hers, his eyes dark and menacing as he glared at Edward from across the room.

A rumbling growl built in Edward's throat, sending the vibrations through his arms to tingle my skin where my hands were locked around his wrists.

Renesmee's eyes slid to his face for a moment before they locked back on mine and her brow rose higher as if she were telling me something. I focused hard on her, listening and then I heard it.

"_This really shouldn't be hilarious to me…but it sort of is." _There was laughter in her mental voice. "_You should see how red your face is right now, Mom._"

My whole body jolted with surprise and then my eyes slid to Jacob's hard face. He was still glaring blackly at Edward.

"_Jacob told you, didn't he?_" My eyes narrowed at Jacob before my gaze flicked to hers again. She nodded and I sighed, rolling my eyes. "_Figures, he never could refuse you anything._" I grimaced then as I stared at her face. "_So…it doesn't…bother you?_"

Her face took on a peculiar expression. "_Why should it_?" she asked, furrowing her brows in confusion. "_After all, you did say that everything between you all happened for a reason. Both of us probably wouldn't even exist right now if Jake's feelings for you hadn't pushed him to save your life on multiple occasions before I was ever even born_."

I was stunned.

Well, crap, look at this rational well-rounded daughter of mine, taking the most bizarre situation and making perfect sense of it.

She grinned then. "_I am _your_ daughter after all_," she snickered.

Again, shock, and then it dawned on me. Oh, I must have thought that out loud.

She grinned wider and my eyes widened more in return, realizing that she'd heard that too.

"_Gah! How do I turn this stupid thing off_?" I railed inside my head at her.

My attention was suddenly diverted when several chuckles and choking coughs filtered throughout the room, making me notice several things at once—the rest of the Cullen's were staring at me with slight grins, Emmett's body was silently shaking, a fist covering his mouth to hide his laughter. Jacob was smirking down at Renesmee with pride. And Edward was no longer focused on Jacob, instead his body had stiffened and turned towards me—his golden gaze wider than I had ever seen, almost bugging out from his lavender lids— his beautiful features marred with absolute shock as he stared down at me with his mouth hanging open.

"Er—yeah, so…I've got a little explaining to do," I mumbled awkwardly.

His brows rose higher, and his chest began heaving as he suddenly started sputtering out sounds that I think were supposed to be words, but I couldn't make sense of them as his eyes flew frantically around the room. I reached for his wrists again, pulling his body to face mine.

"Edward, look at me, please," I begged him.

He hesitated, his eyes still darting around the room erratically before he finally slowly shifted his gaze to mine and I took his face—the most beautiful face in the entire world—between my hands as I stared up into his wide golden eyes that were full of fear, and concentrated hard on pushing a sense of calmness through my fingertips, a sense of peace.

"I need you to calm down, this is _very_ important." I gave him a meaningful look. "Do you understand?" He mashed his lips into a hard line and then nodded once. "Edward, I don't know how this is possible, but I _am _alive," I murmured. "And I know that this is going to probably confuse you—maybe even startle you—but I have to show you what happened." His brows furrowed and I swallowed hard, my heart suddenly beginning to pound in my chest. "Can you be very still, and not let go of me, no matter what? Can you do this for me?" I pleaded, and after a short pause he nodded, setting his shoulders with a determined look on his face before he went still, as only he could. I glanced at the others seeing that their faces were braced for what was coming and then I looked back to Edward.

"Okay," I whispered and took a deep breath before I focused very hard on my memories, feeling a strange ebb of electricity tingle in my palms where my skin touched his. "I was born in Chicago, almost seventeen years ago, my parents in this life named me Isadora Kate Swan." I recalled images of my parents and my brother Jared, and Edward gasped his eyes flying wide as his whole body jerked, but he didn't let go. Instead, his eyes closed a moment later, and his face tightened in concentration as I touched on my new life in Chicago briefly. "I'd never felt like I belonged, never felt like I fit in—like I wasn't where I was supposed to be, out of place and out of time, and then a little over two years ago, pieces of my past started coming to me," I whispered. I tried to focus on remembering the strange emotions I'd felt my whole life, and then the beginning of the ghostly dreams I'd had of golden eyes, only realizing in that moment that they had been _his_ eyes. "When my mother and I moved to Forks everything started falling into place." I watched his face as he witnessed the same flashes of memories as I had, flying through everything I'd experienced until recently: the flashbacks, my talks with Izzy, the faces of Angela, Ben and Mike, the bear attack when Renesmee had saved me, and then my conversation with Charlie. "The closer I got to you, the more I remembered, and then it all came back to me—who I was—who I am." I corrected. "And what you are to me—my husband, my only love, my other half—my reason for life itself." I replayed my earlier conversations with Carlisle and then with the others, Jake and Renesmee, the confusing discovery of my new powers and then my reemergence as myself when all of my memories had returned. "I'm not sure why I have these abilities or why I'm able to mimic the abilities of others or how I'm even able to use them when I'm still human, but they're how I was able to call out to you in the woods earlier." I replayed the previous moments in the forest for him. "How I was able to shield the others thoughts from you—how I was able to see what you saw, and feel what you felt."

I leaned away, dropping my hands to his shoulders as I watched his face, waiting apprehensively for a response…and then it came. The smooth lids of his eyes slid carefully open, his topaz gaze locking immediately on me and maybe it was a trick of the light but his eyes suddenly seemed to blaze with wonder, almost impossibly lighter than before. "It's how I'm able to show you these things now," I whispered staring up at him. "Edward, if I had known what you were going through this whole time—if I had known who I was sooner, _please_, believe me, I would have come searching for you and I would have found you—I would have come to you before now and told you that I was alive," I whispered. "I'm not a dream—or a hallucination. You're not dead and neither am I." I stared intensely up into his eyes—the eyes that I loved more than any other—and my whole being melted. "I love you. I'm not myself without you—I can't exist or not exist…without _you_. Don't you see that?" I murmured.

The whole room was silent as we all waited. At first, he didn't move—didn't even blink—he was impossibly still, staring down at me, his eyes never shifting in the slightest. He just stared at me without even a flicker of emotion, a complete and utter carving of perfect marble beneath my hands. And then something changed in his eyes, they melted, his whole face softening, as his cool hands rose to cup my heated cheeks, leaning forward as he peered closely at me, his gaze taking on a strange new intensity as his eyes flickered between mine. My heart thudded in my chest and for a second I lost my train of thought unable to think of anything beyond the image of his eyes.

"Bella," he breathed, the sweet scent of him washing over my face making my head spin dizzily.

I blinked stupidly up at him. "Um…yes, that's my name." At least I thought it was. Someone snickered but I ignored it.

"You're alive," he whispered in awe.

"Yes, yes I am," I responded dumbly.

He blinked and my heart stuttered. "You're really…_here_…" His voice broke then.

That snapped me out of my stupor as I inhaled sharply, jerking my face out of his hands. "Of course I'm really here. That's what I've been _trying_ to explain to you—"

He was suddenly gathering me in his arms, crushing me to his chest, his arms locking around me as he buried his face into the curve of my neck. I could feel the trembling in his body as he held me and my arms instinctively wrapped around him, my fingers sliding through the silky strands of his bronze hair as he lifted me off of my feet. He was rocking us silently, back and forth, breathing harshly against my neck making me shiver. All I could do was squeeze my eyes shut and hold onto him as tightly as I could, feeling the cool line of his body pressed against mine, committing the sensation to memory. A wave of emotion hit me suddenly, making me gasp.

Edward was here. He was in my arms. We were together.

I felt tears well behind my closed lids, leaking out to spill hotly down my cheeks, my arms tightening as I attempted to press myself closer to him. He didn't let me go, his arms tightening in response instead, holding me for a long time. Minutes passed as we stayed that way, the tips of my shoes brushing his pants where they dangled inches above the floor.

I felt the brush of his lips, whispering something too low for me to hear but I could feel the vibrations against my skin, until I finally heard him murmur, "You're alive." He sucked in a shuddering breath against my hair. "Bella," He moaned my name softly. "Bella, I feel you, you're alive. You're really here."

My eyes fluttered open, blinking rapidly to clear away the moisture in my eyes. "Edward?" I whispered carefully, my voice hesitant. He gingerly set me to my feet, pulling away slowly, keeping his eyes downcast for one long moment as he let me go—leaving only his fingertips lightly touching mine and then his gaze rose to meet mine full of raw longing.

He seemed startled for a moment as his hand reached out, his touch feather lights as he swept them beneath my eyes, marveling at the moisture as he wiped it away. "Yes?" His voice shook slightly, sounding as if he were on the edge of some unhinged emotion, letting his hand fall back to his side, fighting for control, and I thought of the perfect way to ease whatever it was that overwhelmed him.

I let a cool smile touch my lips as I pulled away to cross my arms smugly. "Now aren't you glad you didn't give up and pull a Romeo on me?" I couldn't help it—I grinned. His lips pulled into a crooked grin in response, the one I loved more than any other, his eyes lighting up and my heart sang as his musical laughter rang out joyously, filling the very air with its buoyant jubilation as he reached out to scoop me up in his arms again. Crushing me tightly to his chest, he spun us both in circles, pressing his lips to mine, his laughter rumbling through his chest and up his throat against my lips, as my arms wrapped snugly around his marble neck.

He finally stopped, tearing his lips away to look at me curiously as he set me to my feet. "What a silly thing to ask me." He grinned pressing another kiss to my lips quickly. "You already know the answer." His laughter rang out beautifully again.

"It was a rhetorical question," I snorted rolling my eyes before pressing my palms to his icy cheeks, pulling his face to mine again. His arms tightened, securing me to him as he kissed me filling me with fevered happiness like I had never known. When he finally pulled away to press his lips to my nose, my cheeks, each eyelid and my forehead, I sighed contentedly collapsing against his chest as he buried his face into my hair.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered his lips at my temple. "I love you so much. I've been without you for so long…" he murmured.

"I know," I whispered. "I'm sorry, Edward. I'm so sorry."

He leaned back to stare down at me with an unfathomable look. "Don't. Please don't." His brows furrowed sharply. "You're here, you're really here." His voice was filled with wonder again. "You have nothing to apologize for." His face took on a pained expression then. "I, on the other hand…"

Someone cleared their throat but Edward was already turning towards the sound.

"Did you see…everything?" It was Carlisle's voice, carefully devoid of emotion I turned to see his face but it was a careful mask of control.

"For the most part, yes, I did." I felt the vibrations of Edward's voice as he tucked me against his chest. "And I am truly sorry for my behavior for the past seventeen years, it was unforgiveable." I felt his body tense making me look up to see his face. His eyes weren't on Carlisle they were focused on something behind me. "Nessie," His voice shook when he said her name. "Forgive me," he whispered, anguish penetrating his words and I shifted in his arms so that I could turn to see her face. Her expression was void of all emotion until her eyes finally slid to mine. There was a silent question burning in the chocolate depths.

"I promised," I whispered gently, and her face broke into a full grin. I pulled away from Edward, and he was suddenly thrown a step back when her body slammed against his. A wave of relief settled upon his features as he closed his eyes and sagged against her, his arms holding her to him.

"Please, forgive me," Edward sighed, one hand cradling her head, his fingers tangling in the mess of bronze curls. "You were the most painful reminder of your mother and I pushed you away because of it," he murmured tightening the arm around her back as he pressed a pale cheek to the top of her head. "I wasn't there for you as I should have been, and I've lost precious moments with you that I can never get back. I was a fool. I don't deserve your forgiveness." She slowly pulled away to stare up at him.

"It doesn't matter." She shook her head, her curls shaking around her face. "Mom's favorite phrase of yours." She grinned then and I watched as Edward's eyes brightened considerably before he turned his penetrating gaze upon me. I knew he was realizing the connotations those words held. It had been the night he had confirmed my suspicions about his…oh, I could call it abnormality, but that really hadn't really covered it at all, it was more of the fact that he was different, so different that it hadn't escaped my notice. The night he confirmed my belief that he was, in fact, a vampire, and of all the things I could have said to shock him, the simple statement 'It doesn't matter' seemed to do the best job of all.

"Yes, I suppose it is." His lips twitched slightly. "Although…" He looked at me peculiarly with a small smile of amusement painting his lips. "I was seriously questioning her sense of self-preservation…and her sanity, when she said that to me." My eyes narrowed playfully at him as his words reminded me of something and I concentrated solely on him.

"_We're going to have a long talk later about you how you considered having me committed, Mr_. _Cullen," _I thought eying him pointedly.

"_I look forward to it, Mrs. Cullen._" He responded, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

"There she was, calm and collected, discussing the fact, that the boy driving the car that she was sitting in, was a vampire." He smiled his dangerously sensual crooked grin as his eyes caressed my face. "I thought my silent heart would burst when I realized that she wasn't afraid of me—that she wanted to be with me." His voice seemed to melt into me. He looked down into her shining face. "Did I ever tell you that your mother has a very strange logic that even surpasses my understanding?" He looked so…happy that it made my chest swell. "Even if her thoughts weren't the only ones unknown to me, I doubt I would understand her any better than I do now." His eyes met mine again with a small quirk to his lips. "She never does what I expect her to do—she never sees things the way a normal human should." He smiled facing her again. "She's remarkable, is she not?"

"I think you're both pretty amazing," Renesmee said softly. "I have the best parents in the whole wide world." His face looked painful suddenly, filled with an emotion I didn't quite understand. "Most children know that they are loved unconditionally," she explained touching his face. "But they don't always see the way their parents love each other, not the way I have. Since I was born, I've known what true love is, and that's the best thing you could have given me." He pulled her to him suddenly burying his face in her hair—hiding it from me I suspected. "That knowledge is something that even the years of your absence couldn't erase," she murmured against his chest. "It had been so engrained in me during the two years I had with you both, that I understood why you left when she died, I understood the pain," she whispered. "I've never faulted you for loving her so much Daddy, how could I?" He pulled away then, and for a moment, I thought there were tears in his eyes, but it was just the unfocused glassiness that made them shine.

"It makes my heart sing to hear you call me that," he whispered taking her face in his hands. "After a few decades of immortality, I had accepted the fact that I would never have a family of my own—even as I watched the happiness of ours swell with each new member." His eyes flickered to the others surrounding us. "I came to terms with the thought that—considering my age, when I was frozen in time—I would never have be able to occupy the role that Carlisle has filled for me." His eyes flickered to Carlisle's quickly. "Even as I watched the others in their sacred joy—Carlisle's happiness with Esme's arrival, Rosalie and Emmet, Jasper and Alice—I had begun to believe that I would never know that kind of contentment." He closed his eyes for one pain-filled moment. "That I would never know love in that context, that no woman would ever make me more complete than I already was." He met my eyes slowly. "Then there she was, like an angle, igniting my world, fulfilling me in ways that I hadn't thought possible." I felt the subtle hint of tears threatening to spill into my eyes. "The thought of eternity became meaningless without her," he murmured. "Then she was my wife, she was mine, and I didn't think that there was anything else I could possibly desire beyond her companionship. I was wrong," he sighed. "A thought occurred to me, a few weeks before the wedding—I brought this up to her the night before she was to meet me at the altar." My brows furrowed as I recalled that conversation. "It was your grandfather in fact, who introduced the thought to me." He smiled turning to bestow his amusement upon her. "When Bella and I arrived to break the news of our engagement," he explained.

I was starting to think that the overstimulation caused by the plethora of memories had made me dense. I knew there was a point to his story—but I wasn't grasping it at all.

"He thought that I had gotten Bella pregnant." This thought seemed to amuse him. "I didn't give it much thought at first, but in the following weeks, his accusation gnawed bitterly away at my insides until a sudden realization seared through me like a knife twisting in my heart." He frowned, taking a deep breath as he put his chin to his chest, closing his eyes. "I suddenly found myself wishing that his initial assumption was even remotely possible— but I knew it was not," he sighed looking down at her from beneath his beautiful lashes. "I would never sire children of my own, I would never know the joy of watching my wife—" He looked at me then. "The love of my existence, bear my children. I would never watch her belly swell with child, my child, I would never be able to give her the one thing she rightly deserved…the chance to be a mother." He frowned looking away and there was a tint of sadness in his voice. "Of all the reservations I held regarding stealing her humanity, this one plagued me deeper than most."

I felt raw horror sweep my expression suddenly. These were things Edward had never shared with me, things that I had never imagined him to think on—yet here he was, laying himself out bare before me.

"During our honeymoon, after days of endless agony, as I watched her suffer through bouts of sickness and fatigue, she told me that she thought she was pregnant. The guilt I felt for my revelation was quickly destroyed, replaced with a new, more torturous sense of shame." He closed his eyes again as if trying to block out his thoughts. "For all my silent regret, and unbearably absurd longing for what would never be, I got exactly what I had wished for…and it was hurting her." His brows furrowed. "I wondered how I could have been so careless. How had I not thought through my choices with better judgment? How had I not thought to take more precautions?" He finally opened his eyes, but there was pain filling them—pain so deep and unfathomable that it made my throat close slightly and my chest constrict. "I realized, silently to myself, that deep down, I had wanted that risk to establish itself, I had wanted the unattainable to be possible. I had been selfish—and Bella was going to pay for it with her life," he whispered, in a soft broken voice that made my hands tremble.

"My first thought was to immediately undo what I had done—as quickly as possible, but she wasn't having any of it, and you know how stubborn your mother can be." Finally, the corners of his lips twitched with the smile that threatened to show. I felt my pulse quicken. "I didn't understand at first, I couldn't comprehend her attachment. On the outside, the pregnancy seemed to be progressing at an alarmingly unstable, unhealthy rate, and her pain was almost too much for me to bear." He grimaced. "Knowing that it was because of me, because of my own thoughtlessness, that she was going to die—and that for some unfathomable reason, she was going to willingly bare it all—I wanted to be punished for what I had done. I wanted some retribution exacted upon me for daring to believe that I had any right to such happiness. In addition, as you know, at that time, Jacob's words were the most perfect form of cruel judgment that I would be able to find," he sighed his eyes flickering to Jacob who stood watching him carefully. "He was right. His words reflected the truth that I believed, but that I had yet to hear spoken. I was a monster—the vilest and blackest of murderous fiends. To take the person whom I loved more than life—even existence itself—and put them through the things that I was putting Bella through, it was…unforgivable." He paused for a moment, his breaths coming in soft quick gusts, as he fought to compose himself.

"I was sure that this newest sin of mine would seal my fate—damn me to an eternity in the fires of hell, if I hadn't been certain that was where I was already headed. Nevertheless, how could I deny her what she wanted, when I watched the way her eyes glowed with love as she smoothed her palms affectionately over the bruised and ever expanding flesh of her belly? How could my resolve not crumble every time I heard her coo warmly to something invisible beneath her skin?" His eyes were raw suddenly, his expression, fully ripped of its composed mask, flooded in agony. "I loved her too much, to do what—at the time—I thought I should have done to save her life. I couldn't bring myself to hurt her anymore than I already had, I couldn't do that to her," he whispered his voice desolate and fraught with regret. "And as her condition worsened with each passing day, I cursed the God who would bestow upon me my truest joy, only to allow me to destroy it. Moreover, not only to destroy it, but also to watch helplessly, as the only person who mattered to me, slipped slowly, closer to death, all the while knowing that it was all my fault." He shuddered shutting his eyes tightly. "I never thought it was possible to feel so much guilt. It nearly consumed me," he whispered harshly, but when he finally opened his eyes, the pain was gone and his gaze was suddenly bright and warm upon her face as a thumb stroked her cheek tenderly.

"Then I heard your voice, ring out softly through my abyss of self-loathing, from your mother's womb, and my whole world was changed," he breathed. "All my dreams were alive and real in that shining moment, filling me with so much joy that I thought I would come undone." He smiled softly. "That happiness consumed me instead, replacing all doubt and fear with impenetrable bliss." His eyes were soft as they searched her face. "It was then that it hit me, knocked all breath and thought from my body, the knowledge that I was going to be a father, that it was my child, encased inside the body of my deepest love." His face broke then into a wide grin. "After you were born, after Bella's transformation was complete, and only after all danger was past did I really stop to think of the blessings that had been bestowed upon me."

Slowly his gaze rose to find mine, and it made me catch my breath. His topaz gaze was once again liquid gold, searching my face, his brows furrowing slightly as one hand reached out for me. I was close enough that his cool palm could slide across one burning cheek, his thumb sweeping gently across the wet track of tears that I hadn't even noticed were there.

"My two miracles," he murmured. "More happiness than I ever dreamed of deserving." He seemed to exert great effort to pull his eyes away from my face as he turned back to Renesmee. "If it weren't for your mothers…obstinacy, you wouldn't be here right now." He smiled softly.

"See." I managed to choke out attempting a grin as both of their eyes flashed to me. "No stubbornness, no spectacularly talented daughter—no spectacularly talented daughter, no reason for power hungry vampires to try to kill me." He seemed perplexed. "See, my fault." I grinned wryly then and he rolled his eyes, shifting Renesmee under one arm so that he could pull me to him, burying his face in my hair. I met Renesmee's eyes next to me and her smile was filled with astounding joy. Something flashed then, reflecting the light and my eyes fell to where her locket—the one that I had given her—hung from her slender neck. My eyes welled with tears as I reached out to slip it beneath my fingers tenderly before raising my eyes back to meet hers. "I love you," I murmured. "More than my own life."

Something strange began creeping through me suddenly, making me feel cold, slowly siphoning away the happiness that had been flooding through me. With alarm I pulled back to searched Edward's face and with horror I recognized the agony that was once again in his eyes, pain etching his perfect features.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I whispered touching his cheek worriedly and Renesmee looked up then startled.

He swallowed hard. "After you were…taken, when we had gone to find you, we had left Bella at the inn alone, as Jacob and I went to retrieve the others that were aiding us in our rescue of you. When we arrived back at the inn I knew that something was horribly wrong. Bella was gone." His lips pressed into a hard line and I felt guilt wash through me. "Alice wasn't with me to warn me then," he croaked, his voice sounding strained. "Although, due to their first encounter with us…_the Volturi's…_power over many had dwindled greatly." It seemed to take great effort for him to say their name. "They still had acquired a few more individuals with special abilities. One of them, a woman named Belinda, had the power to appear or sound to others as anyone she wanted, she was a lure—she was their bait…" He trailed off then clenching his eyes shut as he held us tighter. My eyes widened in horror as I recalled hearing Renesmee's voice crying out for me that day, realizing then that it had been a trap all along, before I'd even stepped one foot within their walls and realized my mistake.

"Edward," I murmured anxiously, "you don't have to talk about this." I stared up at him, watching as he slowly opened his eyes to look down at me his eyes blazing with pain.

"Yes," he whispered fiercely, "I do." He took a long breath before he blinked looking up to stare straight ahead. "We weren't far behind her, when I caught Bella's scent—it was fresh—and when I realized where it headed I knew immediately where she had gone." He swallowed hard again and looked down at Renesmee with tortured eyes. "She'd gone to save you…alone. I shouldn't have left her alone—I should have been there with her," he moaned.

"There was no way you could have known, Edward…" I began but immediately stopped when his hard gaze slammed into mine.

"No way I could have known that _you_—the danger magnet—would inevitably go looking for trouble and find it, wherever you went?" His mouth was set in a hard line.

"Well, now you're just proving my point about it being my fault," I teased but there was no humor in his eyes.

He was silent for a long moment as he stared into my eyes before he continued, looking to Renesmee again. "Belinda's gift can work over small distances, and we hadn't been far from where you were being held. As the others and I began our pursuit of Bella, I heard it. Heard the voice—what sounded like your voice—calling out for her. I knew then that I had to get to her quickly, but part of me knew that it would be too late," he whispered solemnly. "Benjamin and Tia had crossed paths with another type of shield, similar to Bella's weeks before, a Sanskrit Indian woman named Ballari, who had the ability to cloak herself in silence and expand that cloak to others, enabling us to enter without being detected." It suddenly made sense why none of the Volturi had heard them coming. "What I saw when I entered that chamber…" Edward's voice broke off and died away as his face once again filled with agony. I was tempted to focus on him and peek inside his mind to see what he was remembering and immediately forced myself not to. I wasn't going to enter his mind against his will, it was wrong to do so. Edward would share this with me when he was ready.

"I could see in their minds what had happened—saw their plan had been to lure Bella to them all along, to use you to get to her. They'd thought that only a handful of us were searching for you, unaware that we'd amassed dozens of others to aid us, several with their own talents, and they hadn't counted on us being the ones to initiate an attack, but it made no difference," he whispered hoarsely. "I saw into Zachary's mind, how strongly he was focusing on Bella and it was then that I realized what he was doing, drawing out her thirst and targeting it towards you." His teeth snapped together suddenly. He'd seen though my memories what I had shown the others, knew that they understood the implication of his words. "I knew how tight his hold was on her and to my amazement I watched her beat it back to kill Jane in order to save Jacob," Immediately all eyes turned to my best friend who was now sitting on one of the couches with his head in his hands, he looked up at the sound of his name, tears trickling from his large brown eyes.

I looked to Renesmee then and then to Edward, he released her and she flitted to Jacob's side, her arms going around him as he pulled her to his lap, holding her tightly. Tears choked me as I watched his gaze slide to mine.

"Thank you Jacob," I whispered, clinging tighter to Edward, "for stopping me—for saving her from me." He didn't respond, instead turning to hide his face in Renesmee's shoulder as she looked back to us with tears in her own brown eyes.

"Yes," Edward murmured with a nod, "Thank you Jacob, for saving her when I couldn't." My eyes slid to Edward's, the hysterical look was back in his eyes making me raise a hand to press my palm to his chest making him look at me. His eyes held mine for a long moment before they slid away as if unable to hold my gaze, his jaw tightening, his hands gripping a fistful of my sleeve. "The fury I felt when I watched Alec attack you, all-out rage," he growled. "I had been about to intercede but a horde of more Volturi guard members had arrived at our backs, blocking me from getting to you," he whispered gravely. "But you hadn't needed my help at all, you shoved him away and then he disappeared into the fire. When I locked eyes with you, I saw you focus and knew that you had tightened your shield then. I was about to turn away when I saw him coming for you, I tried to warn you to get to you…" He sucked in a sharp breath. "But then the thirst burst wide open inside of me, nearly paralyzing me, and I realized that with all of our thirsts being magnified that some of our weaker comrades would turn on the only two living things in the room…Jacob and Renesmee." My eyes narrowed slightly at that, making me swing out to punch him sharply in his arm, which hurt me more than it even tickled him probably. His eyes fell to mine and his lips actually twitched in amusement before he sighed rolling his eyes. "Fine, the only two things with blood in their veins, is that acceptable?"

"Marginally," I muttered.

A smile tugged at his lips but it fell a moment later as his face twisted into a look of pain. "I was about to go to Jacob, thinking that you were in control of yourself enough to protect Nessie but then I heard Zachary's words as he screamed at you and saw inside his mind as he focused everything he had on you. You greatly wounded his ego with your ability to withstand him, and he was determined to control you. He had never exerted so much effort to control anyone before—never been forced to push his gift so far." He suddenly jerked me to his chest burrowing his face beside mine, holding me as tight as he could without hurting me. "I saw what he had done to you, in his mind I heard when he felt his gift fully consume you—it was like a loud explosion. It disoriented me—there was actually ringing in my ears from the percussion in my head," He mumbled into my hair before pulling away, sucking in a shaky breath. "When I regained control enough for me to see you, you were holding her suspended in the air and your eyes were crazed, your entire gaze glowing vivid red." I shuddered at his words and turned my face away, ashamed. His cool fingers were at my chin then, tilting my face to meet his. "Don't hide your eyes from me, please, I can't bear it." The agony was in his gaze then as he studied my face desperately.

"I couldn't stop myself, Edward," I cried, tears falling from my eyes.

"I know, love," he murmured.

"I was going to kill her!" I railed angrily. "I would have if I hadn't heard your voice just then," I whispered brokenly.

"She's part of you," he breathed. "She's part of me too."

I nodded squeezing my eyes shut for a moment before opening them again to stare at the perfection of his face. "I couldn't hurt something that was part of you," I whispered.

His eyes were drowning then as he leaned to press his lips lightly to mine. "I saw it on your face when you heard me, watched the red as it was sucked away, leaving them perfect and beautiful and gold again as you looked at me and let her go. And then, when he was there shaking you, the horror that slowly spread across your face as you realized in the same moment as I did that what he had done to you, couldn't be undone—that horror filled me as well, all-consuming terror and staggering grief. I knew what you were going to do without even having to read your mind…" This time he was the one to close his eyes painfully, his brows knotting together. "Your eyes found mine…across the fire and I heard your voice in my head screaming 'Edward, I love you. Edward, I'm sorry.', just as you said the words 'It's love.' out loud. I knew in that moment that I had already lost you."

My arms were suddenly empty, he'd ripped himself from my embrace so fast that it had almost been painful and I blinked in confusion, my eyes searching for him. He was staring out one of the large glass walls that faced out into the forest overlooking the river, I saw his reflection, the searing agony in his eyes, the same haunted expression he had worn as he had stared at me from across the fire that day. His mouth parted as he forced himself to speak.

"I watched you disappear into the flames, taking him with you…" His voice trailed off as his hands slid to cover his eyes, before they raked through his hair, gripping it tightly for a long moment before they fell back to his sides limply. He was silent for a long moment. "The agony that filled me was so intense, so acute that I actually lost all rational thought in that moment as I tried to follow you." I shuddered, recalling Renesmee's memory. "Part of me actually believed that despite the impossibility of it, that you would actually survive, that I could save you. That we would somehow make it through even that…just as we always somehow did." His voice barely sounded like his own, it was a ghost of itself. "But then they had put out the fire, and the piles of ash had risen from the depths of the pit, and you weren't there. When Nessie had called for them to wait as they were about to lower it, her voice ignited a spark of hope inside of me, wondering what she had seen, was it you?" He shook his head bitterly. "And then I saw it—your…ring, and I knew that you were gone, that I had lost you forever." He squeezed his eyes shut, his entire body shaking as his hands fisted at his sides. "I wanted to die then, I wanted it all to end."

I stumbled to his side hurriedly, and he caught me in his arms as I tripped, pulling me roughly to him. He was breathing harshly, squeezing me securely against him as he sucked in a shuddering breath before his head lifted and I watched him turn to bestow his haunted golden eyes upon Renesmee. "Every time I looked at you, I saw her eyes, I saw her. The way she had looked at me before she'd dove into the fire replayed behind my eyes every time I even thought of you. It was all I could see. For weeks there was nothing but her scream in my head and her eyes locking on mine. That's all I that I could see. That's all that there was. It drove me literally insane." He shuddered then. "I couldn't think past it. She had given up her life to save you. In my crazed mind I had convinced myself that I had lost her because she loved you more than herself—more than she loved me. I wanted to…_hate you._" He spat the words darkly and a sound made me turn to see that she was standing before us as we held each other. He reached out to pull her to him then. "But I couldn't, and I hated that, because my words were echoing in my head. You were part of her, something she loved so fiercely that she'd sacrificed everything for you and I couldn't hate anything…ever…that she loved…except myself." I looked up at him then, his words startling me but his eyes were closed, his face crumpled in grief.

"Edward, when are you going to realize that these terrible things only happen around me?" I swallowed hard as fear and guilt washed through me. "They have absolutely nothing to do with you at all." I frowned. "I almost got eaten by a bear a few weeks ago and the only reason I'm here right now is because Nessie saved me," I murmured and his eyes flew open wide in shock as he remembered me showing it to him. "And that was before I even knew who I was," I sighed. "Maybe you should take into consideration that perhaps it's dangerous for _you _to be around _me_," I whispered seriously.

His gaze tightened then angrily but there was a smile tugging at the edge of his lips. "Certainly dangerous," he agreed lightly, "I'm in constant danger of falling even more desperately in love with you every moment that I'm near you." There was that crooked grin again that sent my heart flying.

"Or getting you and our entire family massacred in the process," I mumbled sourly.

"Enough of that," he demanded, his breath cool on my scalp. "We're a family again, that's all that matters anymore." He whispered. I met Renesmee's eyes and grimaced, reaching out to touch her bare arm, explaining my distress and her gaze flashed with understanding.

"Daddy," She murmured, rolling her eyes up to his face, and I felt him straighten to look at her. "That's going to be a little difficult." She winced and confusion crossed his face before his eyes tightened as if he were trying to remember something. "Technically…" Her lips twitched. "She's the new girl in town, so jumping right into being a happy family is going to be a tad…difficult." She explained and his eyes widened slightly before he looked at me.

"My apologies, I forgot." He frowned.

"We'll figure it out," I muttered with a shrug.

He was still staring at me with a penetrating look that almost made me uncomfortable.

"What are you thinking?" I whispered touching his cheek and his face shifted slightly.

"I'm processing all the information," he sighed. "As accurately as I can."

"This is going to be interesting," I mumbled sliding away from him slowly. "Good thing Carlisle is good at improvising, otherwise we'd be dealing with the details sooner than I'd like." Carlisle smiled softly.

"Ah," Edward sighed. "Andrea." It was then that I realized that he was reading Carlisle's thoughts. My shield had obviously broken at some point. Or maybe he knew about the phone call from my memories, either way, I couldn't detect the others anymore.

I slid into the chair behind me and rested my cheek in one palm as I braced my elbow on one of the arms. "I'm not looking forward to lying to her," I grumbled. Edward stepped gingerly away out of Renesmee's arms and came to kneel before me, placing his palms on my knees as she walked to Jacob where he waited for her with open arms.

"Maybe you don't have to." He offered meeting my eyes.

"Yes, I do," I sighed placing my hands atop his. "I can handle all of this—my brain is obviously wired as abnormally as it was before." He smiled at that. "But it was still hard to digest everything that was happening to me, and I had months to think about it all. Andrea's a lot like Renee in the sense that she has to be protected from things she wouldn't understand." I frowned. "We got lucky with Charlie." My eyes flickered to Renesmee. She grinned and I'm sure her thoughts had slid to Jacob just as mine had. "But even he'll need time to slowly let it all sink in. I'm not looking forward to giving any of them a heart attack." I grimaced.

"Whatever you want." He assured me.

"I already have everything I want," I whispered. His face lit up.

"As do I." He leaned forward pressing his lips to mine, after a moment a thought struck him and he froze before pulling away to stare at me.

"What?"

"Your abilities."

"Oh, yeah, they're a trip," I muttered drolly.

"I saw how you explained some of them, but I must admit—a few aspects baffle me." He sure looked confused.

"Such as?"

"Your connection with me." I blinked at him for a second.

"By connection you mean, because you can hear my thoughts or—"

He shook his head. "No, no, your vision, besides…I can't hear your thoughts."

"It wasn't really a vision," I sighed and then what he'd said hit me. "And what do you mean you can't hear my thoughts? You heard them in the woods—"

"When you thought them loudly enough, but I can't just read your mind the way I can with the others," he sighed. "It's almost like you temporarily drop your shield."

"But I don't." I argued.

"Yes, I know, because you still were able to shield the others from me at the same time, and attempt to calm me, and…connect with me. It's a strange combination—I don't see how you can manage them all at once." He made a face then.

"It's easier than it seems actually." He was quiet. I sat back with a huff and sighed. "Esme is going with my soul mate theory, and I agree—it makes the most sense."

He was still staring at me curiously. "But I can't see you," he murmured.

I shrugged. "Edward, I don't know how it works. I showed up here today and bam! I had my memories back, and realized that I had been reincarnated, and that I've been living in Illinois for almost 17 years. Then I could suddenly control emotions, see the future, hear thoughts, then my own thoughts could be heard and I could mentally be where you were." Renesmee made a small noise from Jacob's lap. "Oh, and I could project images and thoughts through touch." I bit my lip. "I've had a lot on my plate today." His face softened as he reached out cup my face in his cool palm.

"I know," he grinned. "You did all the work."

"I'm sure your trip down memory lane wasn't exactly a cakewalk either." I offered.

His eyes tightened slightly. "It was…interesting."

"If it weren't for my new abilities, I wouldn't have been able to get you back," I whispered, and that thought made something cold run through me. "You wouldn't have understood, we'd still be arguing right now about your dream theory." I rolled my eyes. "Because you're obstinate," I frowned at him.

"So are you." He smirked playfully.

"It made you understand." I reminded him.

"That it did love, but why do you have so many abilities?" I blinked at him.

"Technically I only have one. Well, and my shield, but my real ability is to absorb abilities." I explained but I sounded unsure, then a flash of Kevin's face filled my vision and Edward went still.

"Who have you been in contact with that has the ability to erase memories?" He raised a dubious brow. I should have been used to them hearing me by now.

"Oh. I didn't think about that." He furrowed his brows, seemingly upset then. I reached up to pull his palm from my cheek. "Maybe it's a…defense mechanism?" I scrunched my face up hesitantly.

"A defense mechanism?" He repeated.

"Maybe it's for self-preservation." I offered in a small unsure voice. He raised a brow.

"Self-preservation?"

I narrowed my eyes playfully at him. "Are you a parrot now?" His lips pulled into a wide grin suddenly and I smiled in return, meeting his golden eyes.

"My apologies, I'm just trying to understand." He grinned crookedly and I felt my pulse leap.

"A psychological defense mechanism is brought into play to help someone cope with reality." I took a breath explaining. "Considering how I died, perhaps that is why I was gifted with an advanced version of my original ability." I offered as he settled onto both knees before me. "Or maybe out of the necessity to cope with my re-emerging memories, I subconsciously adapted my abilities."

"Or, as Carlisle agrees with your previous theory, maybe everything just happens for a reason." I saw Carlisle smiling as Edward said it.

"So quit trying to dissect it." I laughed touching his cheek softly. There was a long pause of silence as I felt the core of my being melt as I stared into his eyes. My eyes slid past him to the others my eyes meeting each of them slowly. "I missed you all so much," I whispered.

Edward followed my gaze, turning to face them and I felt guilt suddenly choke me making me cough. He was facing me instantly again, his eyes going wide as his hands reached out for me as I continued to sputter and gasp for air, realizing that it was his guilt that was overwhelming me.

"Bella?" His voice was panicked suddenly—his hands flying over my face, patting my back, rubbing my shoulders anxiously as I finally sucked in a long gulp of air my eyes watering from the effort, feeling his guilt slowly fade, replaced with a nervous edge. "Are you alright?" His voice was anxious but I didn't look at him, my eyes instead flew to Jasper, going wide.

"How in the hell can you stand being around people sometimes?" My breathing was ragged. "That's just awful." I shook my head.

Jasper grimaced. "I know."

I eyed Edward momentarily before my eyes slid back to Jasper's. "It's a good thing that Edward left, for you at least, being around him constantly would have probably made you suicidal." I frowned.

Jasper actually half-smiled at that. "Probably?" He quirked a brow at me and I saw Alice avert her eyes.

"Oh," I whispered, realizing what he meant. "It did."

Edward wasn't looking at me anymore, he was staring at his older brother with sadness in his eyes, listening to something in Jasper's thoughts that I couldn't hear.

"You're still learning—this is all still new for you. It gets easier to control after a while." Jasper offered with a soft smile that didn't touch his eyes. "Of course, the more intense the feelings are, the harder they become to cut off." He added.

His words made compassion for him course through me. It explained why Jasper was always so distant compared to others, more introverted. I imagined that constantly being in a state of flux, never knowing what you would be feeling from one moment to the next would be startling, juggling not only his emotions but the feelings of those around him. It must have taken immense control for him to function sometimes.

My whole body went rigid as a sudden thought came to me. Alice's face was suddenly alight with happiness, turning to face Jasper with her eyes shining with so much love that I could feel the waves of emanating out from her.

"Bella, what is it?" It was Jasper's voice, although I had expected Edward to be the one to ask it, as I stared curiously at him.

"Oh, Jazz, wait until you hear it!" Alice beamed at him excitedly her eyes all for him.

"Jasper, this thing that you do—how you feel what others feel," I began and Jasper was suddenly staring at me with wary eyes.

"Yes, what about it?" He was searching my face trying to figure out what I was thinking.

"It's not just emotions—its physical too isn't it?"

"In a sense, yes." He nodded.

"When I was a newborn, it bothered you how much control you thought I had, remember?"

"Thought you had?" He seemed bemused then.

"Compared to you I mean." I explained. "It always distressed you, how hard conforming to this lifestyle seemed to be for you, harder than it was for the others."

"Bella, other than you, I was the most recent to attempt such a way of life, of course it's harder." He answered but I was already shaking my head.

"What if that's not what it is?"

Jasper moved so quick it made me jump back in surprise when he was suddenly standing before me, Alice still by his side. I heard Edward growl softly, but I reached out to touch his cheek without looking, telling him that everything was okay.

"Bella, what are you trying to say?" Jasper whispered anxiously.

I stared up at him carefully. "What if it's always been harder for you, especially when you're around the others, because it's not just your own thirst that you have been constantly fighting, but all of their thirsts combined as well?" I whispered. "Instead of fighting against one thirst, you've been fighting against seven at once. Then when you added me as newborn into the mix…" I trailed off when I saw his expression.

Utter and complete shock had bled across Jasper's face, his eyes going wide.

"How have I never thought of this before?" His voice was hoarse.

"How could you have noticed the difference?" I asked with a sad frown. "If you were close enough to one of the others to feel their thirst—then odds are that you were in a situation when your own would have been burning as well—and therefore you probably had no reason to suspect that it was anything other than yours alone." I reasoned. "It's not like emotions. I could be sad and you could feel it and know that you yourself have no reason to feel that way and in turn determine that you were feeling my emotions and not your own. But usually blood pretty much effects each of you the same way, because it's not an emotion, it's a physical response. That's probably why you lost it so badly when I got that paper cut on my 18th birthday." I mused feeling Edward stiffen. "I'm sure that if you were to walk through a hospital full of people in pain, what you would feel would probably be excruciating, having that many people feeling the same thing at once, because it would be completely magnified." I shuddered then. "I can't imagine what you felt when Zachary brought the thirst out in everyone at once the night that I died." I saw Jasper and felt Edward flinch at the reminder and reached out for Edward's hand.

"Yes, you're right." Jasper nodded as he turned soft eyes suddenly to Alice. "You saw that I was about to attack Jacob, that's why you stopped fighting and grabbed a hold of me, isn't it?" He whispered.

"I didn't know why you lost control but I had to stop you," She murmured rising on her toes to press a soft kiss to his lips.

Jasper turned to me after a long moment, staring down at me with an unfathomable expression and then I felt Edward stiffen beside me.

"He's not going to hurt her," Alice assured him with a glare, and after a slight hesitation Edward pulled away from me, standing and backing away a few feet, his eyes trained on Jasper distrustfully.

To my shock, Jasper kneeled down then, his arms winding around me slowly to embrace me in a tight hug. "Thank you," He whispered with an utterly sincere voice into my ear. My arms rose to hug him back, my hands rubbing his back soothingly out of reflex.

"Don't mention it," I murmured as a blush crept along my cheeks.

He pulled back then taking my hands in his. "No, really, Bella, thank you." He dipped making sure he had my attention. "For the longest time I thought I was the weakest of us all, I feel overwhelmingly at peace now with this new revelation."

I touched his cheek tenderly. "You're my family. Nothing makes me happier than to see all of you happy, so really, there is no need to thank me."

"You amaze me." Jasper grinned shaking his head before he turned to meet Edward's eyes.

Edward dipped his head in a slight nod. "I know," he said responding to something that Jasper had thought.

Jasper turned back to me. "I'm so glad that you're back, I truly missed you and the brief happiness you brought to my brother and the rest of our family and of course, how happy it makes my wife to have her other sister and friend back." He stood then and turned to Alice but she was looking at me.

I sprang to my feet suddenly, throwing my arms around her tiny frame. "I missed you too, Alice," I whispered as she hugged me. "I owe you so much, all of the times that you've been there for me. You never once gave up on me." I told her.

"Yeah, well," She scolded me playfully, "Don't you dare die on me again and we'll call it even, mmkay?"

I laughed and pulled away. "Deal." I grinned at her.

"And speaking of _dying_…let me know the next time you decide to color your hair." She winked tugging on a strand of my newly blond locks lightly.

"You don't like it?" I asked anxiously.

"I like it fine." She shrugged. "I'm just saying…if you're not opposed to playing dress up _now_…" Her eyes sparkled mischievously.

"Lord only knows what would happen to my hair if I let you get your hands on it." I teased making her stick her tongue out at me. "I'm not sure that I'll keep it this way for long, it was more for the purpose of attempting to make my appearance less startling to people who recognized me." I explained.

"Well, whenever you want to be a brunette again, don't you dare go to anyone else." She warned playfully.

"You'll be the first person I call, and maybe I'll let you have some fun with my appearance every now and then." I grimaced as I said it. "To make up for the lost time." She beamed at me then making Jasper chuckle. I felt heavy exhaustion beginning to settle over me then as I attempted to stifle a deep yawn, covering my mouth. "Sorry," I apologized. It made me frown. I didn't want to sleep. "What time is it anyway?"

"It's just after three in the morning." Carlisle answered.

I yawned again.

"You're exhausted," Edward murmured gently, his arms going around my waist, so that my head was cradled against his shoulder.

I shook my head stubbornly. "I don't want to sleep," I mumbled. My lids felt very heavy suddenly, making me fight to keep them up. "There's so much I still want to talk about, I want to spend more time with everyone."

Edward chuckled softly, "No one is going anywhere." He assured me as my eyes began to droop again.

"But, Nessie—" I began to argue.

"I think she's exhausted too, love," Edward chuckled softly turning me so that I could see where Jacob was cradling her in his arms, her head on his shoulder as she fought to stay awake as well.

I felt anxious suddenly. "Are you two leaving?"

"I should probably get her home, but we'll be back as soon as she's had some rest." He yawned then. "I could probably use a little shut-eye myself—it's been an emotional day." He grinned. I nodded in agreement my eyes going to Nessie in his arms.

"Thank you for taking care of my daughter, Jacob," I whispered meeting his eyes again.

"What are best friends for?" He grinned, pushing up to stand with her in his arms. "I'll bring her back, promise. I'm sure when she wakes up the first thing she is going to want to do is be back with the two of you again." His eyes slid to Edward's. "You two probably want some time alone." They were both silent for a long moment and then Edward gave him a slight nod. "I'll see ya, Bells. Besides, we have some best friend bonding to do too you know?" He grinned.

"Sure, sure." I mumbled fighting sleep and Jacob's grin widened. "Love you, Jake."

"Love you too, Bells." He smiled. "See you guys tomorrow then." He nodded to the rest of the Cullen's before turning to leave. I watched him go until I could no longer see him.

"They'll be fine," Edward murmured against my forehead, pressing a kiss to it.

"I know," I whispered. "I've just lost so much time."

"We both have, at least your absence is excusable."

I pulled my head away to look up at him. "Don't start that," I warned him. "No more guilt, at least not tonight, for either of us." I demanded snuggling back into his chest. "Let's just be happy for the moment. We can deal with the consequences later."

"You're right, you need sleep." He agreed.

"That's not what I meant," I mumbled sleepily and he chuckled. "Besides, where am I going to sleep?" I whispered as I finally lost the war with my eyes and they slid shut too heavy for me to hold them open anymore.

"If you give us a moment, we can have the cottage ready for you both." Esme offered.

I could feel Edward shaking his head then. "I'll do it while she's asleep."

"You will do no such thing." I argued but my words were thick in my mouth. "You're staying right beside me all night," I mumbled sleepily, the last word sounding garbled.

I was lifted suddenly in his arms, my head rolling limply to the dip between his cool neck and shoulder.

"As you wish," he murmured just before I lost consciousness.

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So, what are we thinking? More? Okay...next chapter. lol


	16. Old Scars

**ANNOUNCEMENT**

**Okay, here's the thing guys: Writing this story has taken a lot of time and effort not only by me but the amazing people who have taken the time to look over each chapter before it is published to make sure that there aren't any mistakes. These people have worked really hard and deserve a lot of credit. Also, the phenomenal people who take the time to leave me feedback about this story: They took five seconds to say a few words about it, which shouldn't be a Herculean task, but evidently, it is for some of you. **

**I write for fun, I don't get paid to do this, the only thing I ask for in return is that people leave reviews. I've watched week after week as new chapters garner hundreds of views and _maybe_ three or four reviews. My 3 chapter V for Vendetta story has almost as many reviews as this one and it was written back in 2006!**

**That's total _bullshit_. **

**If you can't take the time to write what you thought about a story that you obviously didn't stop reading after the first chapter because it captured your attention then maybe you shouldn't read it, because it takes hours sometimes days and weeks to write each chapter and that's that's not fair to the people who do review. **

**As of right now, the next chapter after this one will be the last chapter I will be posting on this site. To keep from punishing the people who have reviewed, anyone that leaves a review for this chapter or the next will receive PM's with the new chapters as they are updated or links to an other site where it can be read. I'm sorry but there is nothing productive or constructive about being a lurker and enjoying many people's hard work and refusing to contribute in any way. No reviews. No story. **

A/N: There's not much to say about this chapter, I sort of flew through it because the basic premise of the story and the crux of it has been in my head for five years and this is a very crucial point in it. I'm cringing because I know that some parts of this may irritate some people but *shrug* you'll get over it once you read the rest...because seriously who doesn't love the hilarious mental images that I'm about to give you?

Enjoy!

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**Old Scars**

It was dark when I woke, my eyes blinking as they attempted to adjust to the lack of light. At first I wasn't sure where I was, unable to make out the shapes on the walls in the dimly lit room, for a second fear shot through me when the layout of the room started to seem strangely similar to the one I'd had in Chicago. As my mind pushed farther away from the sticky webs of sleep, I became aware that my legs were entwined with something cool and hard that pressed along the line of my body and wrapped around my shoulders holding me firmly in place.

Then a low beautiful voice murmured softly in the dark. "Did I wake you?"

I twisted in his arms to stare up at him. His eyes seemed to dispel the darkness, their topaz depths searching my face as cool fingers brushed my hair from my cheek, tucking it behind my ear before his hand covered mine where it was pressed against his chest over his heart.

"No," I whispered my voice still thick with slumber. "How long was I asleep?" I murmured.

"Barely three hours," he whispered. "I'm surprised it wasn't longer, you were utterly exhausted."

The memory of the panic I'd felt when I'd awoken hit me and I swallowed painfully. "Edward." Saying his name sent a thrill shooting through me. He was really here. He didn't respond but continued to study my expression carefully. "For a moment, when I opened my eyes and I didn't see you, I was afraid that I wasn't really me again after all—that I was still only Adora."

I saw the faint glimmer of a smile that touched his eyes then. "You most certainly are yourself again," he murmured his cool thumb tracing circles against my knuckles. "You even talk in your sleep still. I forgot how much I missed that." His eyes seemed to melt while I felt a blush creep furiously into my cheeks making them feel hot. I ducked my face into the dip of his neck. "I missed that too," he chuckled and there was a grin in his voice.

I peeked up at him carefully in embarrassment. "What did I say?" I asked warily.

"You said that you loved me," he murmured softly and my rigid body sighed against his.

"I do love you, Edward Cullen," I whispered and his eyes softened then, melting to liquid gold before my eyes, swirling like rings of molten rock.

"Do you remember the Brian Andreas book that you gave me for Christmas during our last year together?" That was a strange response, but I searched my memories anyway before slowly nodding. "My favorite page contained these words, 'I read once that the ancient Egyptians had fifty words for sand and the Eskimos had a hundred words for snow.'." He began quoting in his elegant musical voice. "'I wish I had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move against me when you sleep, and there are no words for that.'," he whispered his eyes burning into mine. "There are no words, Bella."

Tears burned in my eyes then and he reached to wipe them away as soon as they spilled free. "I can't believe this is real, that you're really here," I whispered shakily. "At first the time between my death and now seemed to pass in the blink of an eye to me, it was so instantaneous," I murmured. "But experiencing what you went through during my absence made the full weight of those nearly seventeen years apart seem as if they would crush me if I couldn't really be with you after living without you for so long. Like my life was a nightmare. I was so afraid that I was waking up in my room in Chicago alone, and that everything that happened wasn't real," I whispered fearfully.

"I assure you, I'm quite real. Do you need me to help convince you?" He murmured his voice taking on strange new warmth as one perfect brow rose in question.

"No, but I'm not opposed to whatever it is that you have in mind."

His arms tightened then, pulling me up his chest until his cool lips were on mine, his fingers braiding in my hair, securing my face to his. The leg that I had somehow slid up over one of his in my sleep tightened down into the space between his thighs making him moan into my mouth as his lips continued to work hungrily against mine. My fingers snaked their way up to his smooth neck, raking through his hair, twisting the strands between my fingers as his arm that wasn't pinned beneath me swept across my ribs and over my hip, settling behind the bend of my knee. My head swam as sparks of desire ignited inside of me suddenly, something that this body had never experienced before, but that my mind recognized immediately.

I gasped for air when his mouth broke away from mine, his lips making a cool trail along the line of my jaw and down the curve of my neck and then back up until they were brushing lightly over the sensitive skin below my right ear. I felt his fingers flex against the bottom of my thigh and suddenly his hand was lifting my leg away from his body and hitching it up higher until he settled it back down across the hard line of his hips, holding it there with a firm grasp. I gasped and my heart stuttered in my chest, before it took off pounding against my ribcage, my fingers tightening in his hair and I felt him moan against my neck. The sensations were shocking—shocking because I was human and Edward had never allowed either of us to get this carried away before I'd been changed.

I turned my face to press my heated cheek to his—the icy temperature of his skin seemed to sooth the burning sensation as I strained my neck until I was able to capture the coolness of his ear lobe between my lips, letting my tongue trace the edge of it. His whole body twitched beneath me, the fingers that had pinned my thigh in place spasmed losing their grip just as I was about to use his hand as leverage to push my body up higher. As a result, my thigh slipped, sending it brushing against much lower parts of his body, making both of us freeze instantly. I heard his teeth come together with an audible snap as he sucked in a sharp breath and my eyes flew wide open in fear. It wasn't that I hadn't become achingly familiar with the obvious physical responses of his body to mine during the brief two years that we'd had together as husband and wife, nor was this evidence of his desire for me something that I didn't whole-heartedly delight in. Still, since the instant he had started kissing me I had been dreading the moment when something would cause him to inevitably stop and pull away, an extremely unpleasant—yet predictable—habit of his from before we'd been married. I was sure that, that had been it.

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, waiting as my heart pounded thunderously in my chest, silently hoping with all my might that he would relinquish his maddeningly well-controlled restraint, especially on this night of all nights. We'd been apart for seventeen years, how could he deny us both what we so desperately desired after having suffered that? Why would he?

"Because, I love you, that's why." His voice was stiff as he spoke between his teeth, his lips still against my skin.

My eyes popped open in humiliation realizing that unbeknownst to me he'd heard my silent question. My embarrassment didn't last long, as the sudden comprehension of his answer confirmed what I had feared, still filling me with shock—he wasn't going to allow us to continue.

I pulled my head back sharply to stare down at him incredulously. "You're kidding me, right?"

He grimaced and rolled his eyes to meet mine. "Unfortunately, no, I'm not."

Disappointment flooded through me, the sharp swift pain of rejection stinging me to my core just as it had once before. I turned my face away from him then as my eyes welled with tears. My breath hitched in my throat making his head jerk up, his cool fingers reaching out to force my face back to his as his gaze scanned my expression frantically, filling with horror when he saw the tears streaming down my cheeks.

"No, Bella, please don't cry," he begged with anguish in his voice as he shifted me in his arms so that he could take my face in both of his cool hands. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry," he whispered anxiously as his thumbs swept beneath my eyes tenderly. "I don't ever mean to make you cry."

"I don't…understand, Edward," I whimpered, my lower lip trembling. "Everything was _fine_. It was so…so…_perfect_. _Why_—" My voice broke off suddenly as more tears began to flow.

There was impenetrable misery in his eyes then as he pulled me close, tucking me against his side, laying a cool cheek against my forehead as his hands smoothed over my hair. I felt him swallow hard. "That's exactly the reason why I had to stop," he whispered miserably, "because it _was_ perfect. It was unbearably exquisite!" I felt as a slight tremor ran through him, his words immediately halting the flow of tears making me pull away to search his face.

"I still don't understand."

His lips pulled into a bleak grimace before he tore his gaze away, shame washing over his features. "It amazes me how weak my control still is when I'm around you," he sighed. I blinked in confusion at him opening my mouth to ask him what he meant when he suddenly turned his impenetrable golden gaze upon me again, his eyes searching my face for something that I didn't understand, his eyes full of wonder.

"You're doing it again." I groaned hiding my face in his chest.

"What?" His voice was soft with confusion.

"Staring at me, like you've never seen me before," I mumbled into his chest.

"I haven't." That made me look at him. "You're still my Bella, but something's different. _You're _different."

"Is that bad?" I swallowed hard.

"No. Not bad." He smiled. "There are just so many things I have to learn about you again," he sighed.

"But you've seen all my memories." I protested.

"Most of them," he conceded. "But I still have questions. I may know what you have experienced, but I don't know the feelings you felt, what motivations were behind those experiences." I furrowed my brows.

"I'm not sure I understand."

He sighed and shifted me in his arms. "While you were…gone." He swallowed painfully as he said the last word. "I reflected upon our life together, my obvious frustration with the fact I had never been able hear your thoughts—realizing, that I would never wish to change that particular fact about you, because it made you all the more fascinating to me." Cold fingers trailed up my spine making me shiver. "It had put us on a level of equality that I had never shared with anyone, it made me feel…human. I relished that part of being with you—I still do…" He amended quickly, "Among other things. Still, I'm surprised how maddening it continues to be for me." He tilted his face to meet my eyes. "Not knowing the reason behind the things you say and do, not understanding exactly why you think the way you do. I want to know, because I want to know you."

"But you _can _hear my thoughts now, in fact, everyone can." I offered with a frown but he shook his head.

"Only if you think them loudly enough, only if you consciously or subconsciously want them to be known. It's still not the same way I hear everyone else, you're mind is still an utter mystery to me." He was staring intently at me. "It's more beautiful than ever."

I stretched up to press my lips to his softly. "I love you," I murmured against him.

"And oh, how I adore you," he whispered making desire ripple through me again. Frustration tore at me and I quickly I shoved his hands away before reaching out to pull his face back to mine. I crushed my lips to his before he could stop me, and to my surprise he responded. His mouth worked hungrily against mine, making me tremble slightly before he abruptly wrenched his lips away, squeezing his eyes shut tightly, and groaning as he let his head drop back to the pillow.

"Edward," I gasped breathing harshly. "You already know that you won't hurt me." I argued touching his cheek. "So why so careful?"

He took a deep breath before opening his eyes to stare at the ceiling. "_That, _for once, has nothing to do with it."

"That's my point," I railed irritably. "If you're not worried that you'll hurt me then what—"

"I still _want _you." He growled through clenched teeth and I blinked stupidly at him as heat flooded through me.

"I don't see how that's a bad thing." I frowned.

He sighed and shoved his body so that he was sitting up against the headboard, his arm wrapping around my waist to pull me with him. "When your thigh…brushed against me," he hesitated as his body trembled at the memory. "I realized that if I let it go on much longer—allowed us to explore any further, that if you…touched me there again, then I wouldn't be able to stop," he murmured huskily.

"I'm still confused." I whispered.

His brows furrowed in concentration as he tried to decide how best to explain. "After so long without your touch—feeling the heat of your body against mine, the softness of your hands on me, the sweet taste of your mouth and skin, the scent of you swirling through my senses intoxicating me—until I'm sure of my control over my own body," he chuckled bitterly, "I can't let myself get carried away with you—otherwise…I may not be able to stop myself." His hand thrust outward indicating where my thigh had touched him moments before. His meaning clicked into place then.

"_Oh_."

"Yes, _oh,_" he chuckled with a sigh pulling me tighter against him, turning to press his lips against my ear. "I already know what an undeniable pleasure it is to be with you in that way, and it makes me want you even more." He told me huskily. "_My _memories of _those _moments have not faded with time, but burned brighter to torment me with my desire," he whispered and his cold breath washed over my skin, making the trembling begin anew.

"I have those memories too you know?" I whispered shakily as I looked up at his face timidly. "Our…physical relationship was just as powerful as everything else we shared," I murmured. "I haven't forgotten."

"Good," he chuckled kissing behind my ear. "I'm not the only one being tortured then," he murmured looking back at the ceiling. My eyes traced his profile slowly until a thought suddenly struck me and I felt my lips pull into an evil grin as my hand inched down and slipped beneath the hem of his shirt, my fingers hot against the icy ripple of muscles at his stomach.

"How weak is your control exactly?" I murmured in a soft seductive tone, straining towards him dipping down to press my lips to the smooth exposed skin of his collar bone. I felt him stiffen and suck in a sharp breath between his teeth. In an instant, I was on my back and he was above me pressing me into the mattress, his fingers locked around my wrists where he held them in one of his above my head, as he held his body carefully away from mine with the other.

"No, Bella." His voice was serious as he stared down at me.

"Why not?" I protested loudly lifting my head up off the pillow.

He sucked in a deep breath and sighed, closing his eyes again as he attempted to control himself. "Did you not hear anything that I just said to you?"

"Yes, I didn't in fact." I glowered at him. "So what if I can still get you all hot and bothered?"

"You're really going to make me fight against you to protect your virtue again?" He grimaced sadly as he opened his eyes to meet mine.

"Is that what this is about again?" I railed at him but before he could answer I barreled onward. "You know, just in case you don't remember, I cashed in my v-card a whole lifetime time ago, Edward, with you! And_ technically_, we _are_ still married." I reminded him raising my brows sharply. That seemed to halt his argument, but only temporarily.

"Not this body," he said shifting his weight to the fingers that held my wrists before sweeping his free hand down the length of me, resting a cool palm on my hip. I groaned and dropped my head back, my entire body going limp beneath his, squeezing my eyes tightly shut.

"_But I WANT you!" _I moaned in my head as I felt my desire for him leak out from my skin, and pour into his.

I felt him go rigid above me. I was afraid to open my eyes, afraid of what I would see on his face, but when I finally did—his eyes were blazing with desire. My eyes flickered down the line of his body, lingering momentarily on the perceptible difference in him just below his hips before they rose back to his, raising my brows to make my point. "And by the way, the end result of _that _is what is supposed to happen when I do that to you."

His face dipped slowly to see what I was referring to and I felt him stiffen when he saw it. "Oh, for the love of all that is holy!" He growled as his eyes snapped back to mine, embarrassment flooding his face. "Dammit!"

I couldn't help it—I giggled at his words and at the sight of the horrified expression on his face.

"I'm glad you're finding this amusing, because I see nothing remotely humorous about killing you…_again_." He glared angrily at me before pain filtered through his gaze. "I've already lost you once—I won't survive losing you again."

That made me freeze suddenly as I blinked up at him with wide eyes, feeling the color drain from my face. "But you said that hurting me had nothing to do with it!" I gasped.

He closed his eyes again and pressed his lips tightly together, he almost looked as if he were counting to ten in his head. When his eyes opened he looked like I had lit him on fire—like he was burning alive. It made my chest tighten painfully and I knew then that I would do anything to erase that look on his face forever. "Bella," He said my name very slowly and very carefully. "I'm not talking about making love to you." His voice was low and dark. "I'm talking about the _consequences_ of making love to you—consequences that result in you being ripped apart from the inside out…_like the last time_."

I hadn't understood before—I hadn't realized what was making him so afraid. The full weight of what he was saying slammed home to me.

"Edward," My voice trembled as I stared up into his tortured face. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I didn't understand that you were referring to getting me pregnant. Of course, you're right about that being dangerous. Forgive me," I whispered looking away feeling utterly ashamed of myself for pressing him so hard.

I felt the weight of his hand on my wrists disappear and he was suddenly rolling us until I was straddling his waist making me dizzy. He sighed in the dark. "You shouldn't have to apologize, Bella. I have a difficult time conveying what I'm trying to say to you sometimes." I bit my lip as I stared down at him, feeling my cheeks pulsing with heat from my embarrassment. "What are you thinking?" He pleaded. "Please, tell me before I go insane…_again_." His lips pulled into a slightly amused smile but his eyes were intense.

"It will make you angry," I whispered fidgeting with a button on his shirt as I avoided meeting his gaze.

His hands rose to capture my face between them. "It doesn't matter—I still want to hear it." I still couldn't look at him. "Everything you think is precious to me, despite whether I like what you're thinking or not. I've told you this countless times before." His voice was so soft. I slowly slid my eyes to meet his.

"It's just that…" I hesitated nervously.

"What?"

"Well…there are…precautions that we can take," I began cautiously. "And still be able to be…together…in that way." He stared at me with wide eyes for a moment before my meaning clicked into place, and then his eyes hardened.

"Yes, _human_ precautions. Precautions that aren't guaranteed to be fully effective, even for them," he muttered, "Which means that they are more than likely even less effective for me." He frowned.

"You can't know that!" I argued.

"No, Bella."

"But Edward—"

"It's too dangerous, Bella. No, means no. I'm not budging on this," he said firmly.

"What if—"

"No!" He bellowed angrily. "No 'what ifs'!"

"Just hear me out!" I pleaded loudly and his teeth snapped together. He was seething but he didn't try to stop me. "What if you could control yourself better and you knew when…_it_ was going to…happen," I murmured shyly. "You would be able to stop in time wouldn't you?" I whispered.

He went completely still beneath me, until realization dawned on him, his eyes going wide. "You are not honestly suggesting what I think you're suggesting are you?" He asked with horror in his voice.

"We could try." I shrugged impishly with a smile. "Practice makes perfect remember?" I grinned.

He was silent for a long moment as he studied me in the dark, but I knew this silence. He wasn't going to give in. "You truly are the most dangerous creature I have ever known," he whispered. "I'm fairly certain that you're trying to kill me right now," he groaned as his hands went to my waist, lifting me to lay me beside him.

I propped myself up on one elbow resting my chin in my palm as I stared at him. "I know, I'm awful, why did you marry such a monster?" I teased and he rolled on his side to face me, mirroring my posture.

"That's what I ask myself every single day," he responded and though I knew he meant it to sound sarcastic there was an underlying current of pain in his voice. A flash of clips of images burst suddenly behind my eyes. He was remembering when he'd questioned his hallucination of me in the meadow.

"_Of all the girls in all of the world, in all of time and age, it just had to be you who had the misfortune of having _me_—of all creatures—fall in love with you."_

"_Why did it have to be me, Bella? You were supposed to live and die like a normal human. That's how it was supposed to happen. How it should have happened. How it would have happened if I hadn't existed—and I_ shouldn't exist_._"

"_How can I ever tell you how sorry I am?"_

"_Sorry for all the stupid mistakes I made. Sorry for my never-ending selfishness. Sorry that a monster like me fell in love with you. Sorry that it was always going to be me that would end your life in one way or another."_

"_I took your soul, Bella. I damned you to be like me. I'm so sorry for that, more than anything else."_

"_Your number was up from the moment that I laid eyes on you." _

"_Why—out of all the boys you could have made fall in love with you—why did it have to be me, Bella?"_

"_Why did you have to fall in love with me?"_

The images cut off and a low growl rumbled in the dark when he realized that I'd seen what he'd been thinking, too. "Oh, yes, _you_ are the monster in all of this. _Right_," he muttered icily between his teeth.

"You know," I sighed. "I really wish you hadn't had those hallucinations about me," I whispered. My eyes fell to the bed. "All they ever did was upset you more and feed into your annoyingly pessimistic tendencies." I frowned.

One cool finger reached out to lift my chin until my eyes were level with his. "They also kept me from giving up," he whispered his voice suddenly soft as he searched my face.

I swallowed nervously and nodded. "Remember when I told you about the voices I'd heard while you were gone—that night after we returned from Volterra?" I asked carefully but his jaw tightened anyway.

"Yes." His voice was hard.

"Your hallucinations are pretty much like what mine were like, except mine was only your voice," I explained. "It tried to keep me safe whenever I was about to do something reckless."

"Then I suppose my real voice will have to suffice for now," he stated firmly with a sigh, bringing my mind back to our current argument. "And I'm saying 'no', Bella." His tone brooked no refusal. I moved to push his hand away but he caught mine in his, holding it tightly. I glared angrily down at the space between us.

A sudden thought occurred to me then. "Edward?" I asked timidly. My voice was so soft that if it weren't for his sensitive hearing I'm sure he would have missed it.

"Yes?" I could hear the curiosity burning in his voice.

"Why would the result of getting me pregnant…be such a bad thing anyway?" I blinked up at him shyly from beneath my lashes as heat flooded my cheeks.

He went completely still, his eyes frozen wide in shock and then his voice came out in a ghastly roar. "You want to have another child!" He gasped. His voice was full of horror and panic and his face looked as if the thought had made him physically ill.

"No!" I cried frantically. "I just meant about becoming a vampire again." He did not seem to relax—instead his skin seemed to grow drastically colder, like ice around my fingers. "Do _you _want to have another child?" I whispered in astonishment, my brows shooting upwards in surprise.

My question surprised him. "Certain people brought the thought to mind earlier, that's all." I knew he meant Rosalie. "But it's a risk I'm not willing to take, it was dangerous last time, and even though we know more about the process, I'm not sure that there's a way to do it and successfully keep you human," he whispered with a strange edge to his voice. I glared at that but just as I opened my mouth to argue—he suddenly took my face in his hands and leaned close to study it frantically. "Are you sure that isn't what you want? You _must_ tell me Bella." He was suddenly very serious, pain and desperation lacing his voice. "If you want something that I cannot give you…" His voice trailed off bleakly as he closed his eyes in pain.

I covered his hands with mine. "I have one daughter to fulfill all my maternal needs for an eternity," I whispered softly. "But if that's the only way we can be…_together_…" I let my voice trail off and his eyes flew wide.

"Do you even remember what you went through the last time?" His eyes were blazing in anger.

"Yeah, I do." I ground out narrowing my eyes at him. "And unless I dreamed it all up—I remember my conversion into being a vampire afterwards going perfectly well!" I shouted and winced slightly at the reminder of the painful transition. It was hard to understand how his skin could get any colder than it already was, but it did, and my fingers were starting to actually feel numb.

A frown filtered across his features until he pulled his face into a smooth unreadable mask, his golden eyes hardening. "Other than the fact that you're barely almost seventeen-years-old—younger than you were when we met the first time—and that we have the complication of your new family to contend with, I just got you back and I don't want to spend these first few months with you again, watching you writhe in agony all through a pregnancy." A strange foreboding was starting to creep across my skin, weeding its way through my stomach as I realized that he had purposefully avoided responding to my comment about being a vampire. "I have a chance to start over Bella, for me to do things the right way this time." He said with a strange urgency in his voice that made fear prickle along my scalp and down my spine. There was a long pause of silence as I stared into his eyes. The memory of when my own eyes had mirrored their color perfectly came to me and something must have shown on my face.

"What is it?" His voice was frighteningly void of emotion.

"You're…" My heart was thumping loudly in my chest. "You're going to change me like you did last time aren't you?" I whispered frantically. "Without the whole…you know…fighting with me about it part?"

He was a perfect statue beside me, his face blank and unreadable in the dark.

Terror seized me as the truth hit me with so much force that my stomach actually rolled with nausea. I recoiled in horror, ripping my hand free from his icy fingers. "Wait…_no_…" I rolled away reaching to click on the lamp on the bedside table, squinting when light flooded the room, and my eyes painfully attempted to adjust to the brightness before I turned back to stare at Edward's face, hoping that in the light I would see a contradiction to his silence.

He hadn't moved one inch, his face still smooth and emotionless as he stared unseeing at some point beyond me as if bracing himself.

I gaped wordlessly at him. "The pregnancy part isn't the issue is it?" I whispered, horrified. "You…don't…want me…to be a vampire again." I blinked numbly at him—the words tasted bitter and wrong.

Slowly his eyes rose to meet mine.

"Bella…" he murmured carefully, sitting up very slowly as my eyes followed him, locked on his. "You have another chance at a happy, healthy human life, with a whole new family." His voice was diplomatic, very calm and controlled but his eyes were strained and full of pain. "You have the chance again to have all of the human experiences that I could never show you before, and with the Volturi gone, there is no danger—nothing to force you to have to give up your soul again."

I blinked at him, struck numb with disbelief.

"This…is not happening right now." I shook my head in denial. "Edward, you can't honestly mean that you're refusing to change me…_again_." He didn't answer. "But you saw my memories!" I shouted angrily.

His face finally changed, hardening as he pinned me with a resolute stare. "I'm not as convinced as the others are, that what you told them proves that we have souls, and I am not going to risk taking yours from you…_again_."

"But I'm _here_, Edward," I whispered but my voice didn't sound like mine. It was full of despair. "How can I be here if I lost my soul when I became a vampire?"

He shook his head sadly his voice sounding far away suddenly. "The fact that you are alive again doesn't prove anything, Bella."

His words were the final nail in the coffin that contained the last shreds of my hope.

"I wish I hadn't come back," I said as I slowly pushed away to slide numbly from the bed.

"Bella_?_" He sounded confused.

"I wish I was still dead." My voice was barely a whisper, haunted and strained.

"_Bella_!" There was alarm in his voice suddenly.

"Since obviously, you would prefer that I grow old and die anyway than have me with you forever." The panic was starting to set in as I backed away from the bed one slow aching step at a time. I could feel an ache in my chest starting to build slowly and with horror I suddenly recognized the sensation. The tear in my chest that had been created the night that Edward had left me in the woods was back. I could feel it simmering beneath the surface waiting to be ripped wide open again and suddenly _I _was the one losing my grip on my sanity. "You…don't…want me…anymore." I gasped hysterically, wrapping my arms around myself, afraid that I was literally coming undone as I backed towards the door. My eyes widened with panic and I suddenly couldn't see anything anymore beyond the blinding pain. "You're going to…leave me again."

He was standing in front of me then, his hands reaching out to grasp my forearms. "No I'm not!" he hissed his voice full of panic. "Of course I want you!" He railed. "I love you, I could never leave you."

I felt like I was gasping for air—like I suddenly couldn't breathe. "You did before," I whispered and he flinched. I shoved his hands away. "You're going to do it again—you're going to leave me or let me grow old and die. It's the same thing!" I whimpered brokenly.

"Bella, calm down!" He pleaded as he reached for me again but I was already shaking my head and backing away again, tightening my arms around myself.

Before he could reach out to stop me again a loud, deep snarl ripped from behind me. "_What in the hell did you do to her_?"

I whirled, suddenly coming face to face with Jacob's enormous frame filling the doorway—his entire body was vibrating with fury, his hands fisted at his side as he glared viciously at Edward his eyes blazing.

"Jake, what—" I began to ask but Edward's voice lashed out cutting me off.

"This doesn't concern you, Jacob." Edward's voice was like ice.

"The hell it doesn't!" Jacob growled. "You've been with her for less than half a day and now look at her!" He bellowed. "She looks just like she did after you left her! I would know! I was there! I saw that look on her face every single day for months!" He shouted so loud that it almost hurt my ears. Something small and pale shoved past him then and I met Alice's furious face. She paused to ascertain my condition before her eyes slid slowly to Edward's, hardening instantly.

"You are such an idiot sometimes, Edward!" she hissed.

"Alice…" It was hard to even speak her name through the pain as tears welled in my eyes. "Alice, he won't change me. He—" My voice broke then and I was suddenly in her arms.

"I know. I saw," she murmured softly as she scooped me up in her arms before handing me off to Jacob. I could feel the startling contrast between the temperatures of their skin. I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting against the tears and the fissure cracking open in my chest.

"Where are you taking her?" Edward's panicked voice choked and suddenly there was an edge of fear to it.

"I'm getting her away from _you_." Jacob growled turning to leave but another snarl shattered the air making him pause.

"Don't, Edward." Alice's voice was harsh. "You're obviously not in your right mind enough to be around her and if you keep this up then you may ruin things with her beyond repair." There was utter silence suddenly making me lift my head to peer over Jacob's shoulder. Alice was blocking Edward from following us as he stared unfocused at her with an intense look of concentration as if whatever he was seeing inside her mind held a weight of importance. After a long moment Edward's eyes focused back on her face, his whole body sagging dejectedly before he raised agonized eyes to meet mine.

"I'm sorry," his voice was barely a whisper, haunted and horrified. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I love you, please know that."

Jacob turned away then, storming angrily from the cottage. I could feel a strange pull suddenly, like an elastic band stretching, becoming more painful the further away he took me from Edward. There was a long silence as I rocked in his arms slowly, my damp cheek pressed against the heat of his shoulder through his shirt. I could see the light through the trees hinting that the sun was beginning to rise.

"Jake," I murmured softly. I felt when his eyes were on me but he didn't say anything. "Why are you here?" I realized that it sounded sort of rude. "So early, I mean."

"Ness couldn't sleep very long either." There was a grin in his voice. "She was too excited about seeing you." He was silent then making me lift my head to look at him. He was frowning.

"What?"

"We only got here a few minutes ago, but we knew something was wrong when we walked in. Everyone was staring at Alice." There was something in his voice.

"What did she see?"

His brown eyes slid to mine then and they were pained. "She had a vision of you…"

"A vision of me what?"

"Dying." The word hung there heavily.

"How?"

"I don't know." He shook his head. "She just started shouting, 'What is he thinking? Doesn't he know that this will kill her?'. And then she startled muttering something to Emmett and Rosalie about getting spare tires." He looked confused and then his face darkened. "So I went with her to stop whatever was happening." He gave me a questioning look then. I sighed and laid my head back on his shoulder.

"Edward wants to leave me human…permanently." The words made a lump rise in my throat.

"Why?"

I shrugged. "He thinks that vampires don't have souls."

"So?"

"So…he doesn't want to take mine from me…again." I rolled my eyes.

"Why would him not wanting to change you, kill you?" He sounded confused again.

"Probably because it brings back all of my insecurities. He left me before, in a pointless attempt to keep me human. He'll try to leave me again, and I won't survive that. I don't want to," I whispered. "And even if I don't die because of that, I'll die if he leaves me human, because we all grow old and die eventually."

"He's an idiot," he muttered.

"No. Not an idiot. But yeah, it's a really stupid thing to think." I agreed.

"He really has some issues with himself doesn't he?" He grumbled.

"Yeah, he does, but wouldn't you if you were him? If you were raised like he was to believe in heaven and hell and souls and all of that, and you had lived for over one hundred years as a vampire believing everyday that you were going to hell, would you be okay with yourself?"

"I'd get over it." He shrugged. "That's the thing about life, even if you're a monster, it's still too short. When you are as happy with someone as I am with Nessie, you never want it to end, it will never seem long enough."

"That's my point." I nodded. "He loves me, and because he loves me he doesn't want to condemn me to that fate. He'd rather sacrifice time with me than have me be like him."

"But none of that matters to you does it?"

"It's not that it doesn't matter." I shrugged. "It's not that I don't believe in what he believes, it's just that being with him is more important to me—it matters more."

"I get that." He nodded. "I just don't get why being with you doesn't matter more to him too."

I frowned at that. "Carlisle once explained it to me—to help me understand. So let me try it the same way with you. If you believed as Edward does, could you take away Nessie's soul just so you could be with her longer?"

He blinked in surprise. "Okay, yeah. I see what you mean." I laughed weakly at that. "But you're alive again. If you lost your soul when you became a vampire, then how could you be alive again, just like you said?"

"He told me that me being alive again doesn't prove anything." I frowned. Jacob frowned too.

"Definitely an idiot…or just delusional," he muttered. "You're explanation made perfect sense to me."

I raised my brow at that. "And there I was, thinking that you were being a total skeptic."

He chuckled. "I was just teasing you, Bells." He grinned.

I felt sad suddenly. "I miss him already."

"Yeah, well, you two need some space. This morning was a little intense." I nodded numbly. "He'll come around, Bells. He did last time." He reminded me.

"He didn't have a choice last time." I frowned. "I had deranged vampires trying to kill me constantly and the Volturi was coming to kill me…or the others, if he didn't change me." I reminded him. "They're all dead now so there's nothing to force him to change me this time."

"That's not why he changed you last time."

"I know," I whispered. "Until I got pregnant he was still hell-bent on trying to find a way to avoid it."

"Well, you know, Nessie probably wouldn't mind having a sister…or a brother." He chuckled.

I was already shaking my head. "He's already got all of his bases covered. He refuses to do anything that will end with me becoming a vampire."

Jacob's eyes bulged suddenly. "You mean…he won't…have…"

I rushed to stop his words as my face burst into flames. "No. He won't. He refused me. That's what started this argument in the first place."

He suddenly threw his head back and uttered a booming laugh. "So, what's his plan then? Be with you for 80 years until you die and avoid having sex with you the whole time?" He teased.

"Pretty much," I frowned, sure that my face was scarlet.

"Wait…you're serious?" He sounded shocked but there was too much amusement on his face.

"Yep. One hundred percent."

"Okay, I take it back. He's not an idiot. He's insane," he laughed. "Why kind of man refuses to have sex with his wife? Especially when he hasn't seen her in almost seventeen years? Doesn't he have a sex drive at all?" He chuckled.

"Yes, he does." I said gritting my teeth.

"But you two…you know…did that before, that's how Ness happened."

"He didn't know that I could get pregnant before, remember? None of us did. And it's pretty much certain that I'll die in the process, which means that he'd either have to change me or let me die."

"There _are_ ways to avoid getting pregnant, Bells," he chided.

"I tried that argument," I muttered blushing again. "It didn't work."

He looked shocked. "Well, damn. He must be the freaking saint of self-control."

"Unfortunately," I muttered. A thought struck me and I peered up at Jacob curiously then.

"What?" He asked warily.

"You and Nessie…" I didn't want to know so I don't know why I even said anything but Jacob didn't answer. Instead, a hint of pink began to creep into the tan skin of his cheeks and he looked forward immediately. "Oh…my…God." I did _not_ want to know that.

"No, no, it's not like that." He rushed to explain quickly. "Ness and I are waiting until we're married." He swallowed eyeing me nervously and I relaxed slowly. "She wants our life together to mimic your relationship with Edward as closely as possible," he mumbled. "And I respect her wishes."

"Not like you have a choice." I snorted.

"I have a choice." He argued defensively. "Imprinting doesn't mean that I don't have free will, but I love her and I'll do anything that makes her happy. I want you to know that. You're her mother and my best friend and I need you to understand that I really do love her, and I would love her regardless of if I had imprinted on her or not. She's my world. She's the most amazing woman I've ever known, you're a close second." He winked.

"So, if you hadn't imprinted on her, then you wouldn't have killed her the night she was born like you'd originally planned?" I narrowed my eyes playfully at him.

"Something would have stopped me." He shrugged. "I would have eventually seen that she wasn't dangerous and realized that you were going to be okay."

I smiled knowingly. "So, if you had your way, you two wouldn't wait?"

He flashed me a bright grin. "Not all men have Edward's self-control."

I rolled my eyes. "It's not self-control. Irritating is what it is."

He chuckled. "I guess you're just going to have to pull out the big guns if you're going to seduce him into compliance then."

"I'll spontaneously combust in the process," I grumbled.

"Then just keep a bucket of ice handy." He grinned.

"Right, I'll just do that. I'm sure that will make everything better," I mumbled. "What I really need is a vampire proof baseball bat to knock him upside his obstinate head."

His body shook with laughter then. "You know, I'm pretty vampire proof." He offered with a sly grin.

"Thanks, Jake. I'll keep that in mind." I grinned back. "That reminds me of something," I murmured eyeing him.

"What?" He looked at me curiously.

"When Nessie showed me her memory, of the night Edward decided to have a funeral for himself. He said something to you that confused me." Jacob's brows furrowed. "Something about an agreement you two made when I was still human." He stiffened then.

"Oh, _that_."

"What was he talking about?" I murmured suddenly wildly curious.

He winced and looked down at me. "Are you really going to make me say it?"

"You could just think about it and I could pick it out of your head," I reminded him.

"I'd prefer it that way, rather than explaining it to you wrong," he muttered.

I nodded and focused on his face, feeling an odd current of force like I was sucking something invisible from him and then the memory popped into focus.

_I was staring at Edward's burning face again, remembering how I'd felt before when he'd looked at me like that. I'd felt like for a second like I was just a kid—a kid who had lived all of his life in the same tiny town. Just a child. Because I knew I would have to live a lot more, suffer a lot more, to understand the searing agony in Edward's eyes. It was the face a man would have if he were burning at the stake._

_I couldn't believe I was even thinking about this. Bella would punch me—not that I cared about that, but it would probably break her hand again. I shouldn't let him talk to me, mess with my head. I should just kill him now._

"_Not now," he whispered. "Not yet. Right or wrong, it would destroy her, and you know it. No need to be hasty. If she won't listen to you, you'll get your chance. The moment Bella's heart stops beating, I will be begging for you to kill me."_

"_You won't have to beg long."_

_The hint of a worn smile tugged at the corner of his mouth._

"_I'm very much counting on that."_

"_Then we have a deal."_

_He nodded and held out his cold stone hand._

_Swallowing my disgust, I reached out to take his hand. My fingers closed around the rock, and I shook it once._

"_We have a deal," he agreed._

I gasped when I focused back on Jacob's face. He cringed preparing himself. I rolled my eyes. "Morons," I muttered. "And thank you very much for not killing my husband." I glared at him.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"That was a sincere thank you, Jacob."

"Oh, well, you're welcome then." He shrugged.

"You were right though, if I had known all of that then I probably would have broken my hand again," I muttered sourly. "It just wouldn't have been you that I would have punched."

He chuckled suddenly. "That makes me feel less guilty then," he snickered.

I could see the clearing of the house come into view slowly then to my surprise.

"I don't remember crossing the river," I said furrowing my brows.

"They built a bridge across it years ago, so that we don't always have to jump it." He explained.

"Is she alright?" It was Esme's worried voice coming from behind me suddenly.

"I'm fine," I sighed as Jacob set me to my feet.

Esme's arms were suddenly around me. "I don't know what my foolish son has done this time but you mustn't do anything rash Bella, we just got you back." She was squeezing me tightly.

As embarrassing as it was, I sighed and focused to share my earlier conversation with Edward with the others because I didn't have the energy to explain it all over again.

"Oh, my," Esme whispered pulling away to stare into my eyes sadly. I frowned as my eyes slid over her shoulder to meet Jasper's who was waiting by the glass door of the house. I read his silent question on his face.

"Alice is still with him…I think."

He nodded.

Just then my stomach rumbled.

"You must both be starving," she smiled sweetly. "We've prepared breakfast for you all."

"Oh, you didn't have to do that." I smiled as we walked across the small lawn.

"Really, it was no trouble at all. It was mine and Rosalie's idea. We thought we could all sit together, like a family." She explained as we made our way up the back steps, Jasper held the door for us and I smiled brightly at him. He grinned in response. "We used to do that all the time with Renesmee and Jacob when they were younger," She continued as we made our way inside. I could smell the sweet scent of icing and hear the sizzling of bacon in a frying pan.

"Thank you, that's very thoughtful," I murmured.

I froze when Emmet suddenly rounded the corner sporting a small, frilly, pink apron that read 'Kiss the cook' on it, holding a large baking dish. His eyes brightened when he saw me.

I burst into laughter, doubling over.

"What?" He muttered in confusion as I continued to laugh and point before his eyes fell to the apron and he grinned. "I don't do anything half-way. If I'm playing human then I'm going all out." He chuckled when I was finally able to straighten before giving me a wink.

I gasped for air between spasms of laughter. "I am never going to get this image out of my head."

Jacob chuckled beside me and raised an eyebrow at Emmett before an evil smile slowly curved his face.

"Kiss the cook, huh?" He grinned leaning forward slowly. "I guess you should pucker up then, sweetums."

Emmett's eyes widened in surprise then and he began backing up slowly. "Oh, hell no! Don't you even think about it, dude!"

"I'm just following the instructions," Jacob grinned taking off suddenly towards him and they both disappeared back around the corner.

"Rose, help!" Emmett's voice cried out playfully. "He's going to defile me!"

I lost it, suddenly howling with laughter along with Jasper and Esme.

There was a loud, sharp clanging of metal, followed by a harsh growl and then Jacob and Emmett's loud curses of surprise. "Ow! Shit! Jesus Rosalie, I was just kidding!"

"Rose! Sorry! Crap," Emmett muttered. "We were just playing around! Sheesh, calm down!"

"You two, out of the kitchen, now!" I heard Rosalie order sternly. "We worked very hard on all of this. I swear if you all had knocked one thing over I would have bitten your heads off, now scram!"

Tears were rolling down my cheeks, and I felt a strange feeling wash over me as I realized that this is what I had missed so badly—this family atmosphere that made me feel like I was home.

Jacob and Emmett reappeared then, Jacob's hair was sticking up at odd angle, a red welt that was quickly fading was across his upper arm and the frilly apron was now twisted awkwardly around Emmett's waist. They wore matching impish grins.

"She's no fun," Jacob pouted.

"I know."

A soft snarl came from the kitchen and they both scowled suddenly. I had to stifle a giggle. Jasper smirked in amusement as Esme sighed shaking her head with a rueful smile.

"See what chaos you've missed?"

"I'm sure it's nothing compared to the trouble I would have gotten us into if I'd been here. You know—with my bad luck and all." I grinned.

Rosalie appeared then, smiling brightly, balancing several dishes easily on both arms including the one the Emmett had previously been holding. "Everything's ready." She beamed before turning to disappear down the hallway into the dining room that we had only used before on rare occasions.

We all turned to follow her, Emmett ripped the apron away with a sharp tearing noise before tossing it onto a nearby countertop, lingering slower than the others to wait for me, before slinging an arm carelessly around my shoulder.

"So you struck out with Eddie, huh?" He grinned. I glared up at him reaching up to smack the back of his head but his grin only widened. "Jake's right, he'll come around." He shrugged. I rolled my eyes realizing that it shouldn't surprise me that he'd be the one that would eavesdrop on a conversation like that.

"I hope so," I mumbled my eyes falling to the floor as we walked.

"Hey," his voice was soft making me raise my eyes to meet his and he was smiling softly down at me. "It's going to be okay." He assured me. "He'll change his mind and we'll make sure you survive until he does."

"Thanks, Em." I smiled wrapping my arm around his waist.

"What are big brothers for?" He murmured, squeezing me gently. "Besides, if he doesn't pull his head out of his ass eventually, then one of us will change you, problem solved," he grinned.

I burst out laughing then.

* * *

So, don't hate Edward yet, he's still redeemable but just like I said before...Edward isn't as 'fixed' as he seems.

Don't know when the next chapter will be up but seeing as how I wrote the last two at blinding speeds I'm sure it won't be too long.

I'll take a look at how the response is coming and if nothing has changed then it will be the last chapter. Sorry guys.


	17. Tough Love

**A/N:** This Chapter is appropriately titled 'Tough Love', fitting, not only because of what occurs in this chapter but because due to my announcement at the beginning of the last chapter, I both gave and received some 'Tough Love'. I was actually surprised by the response I received. I didn't realize how many people actually cared if I updated or not. I've never received so many PM's and reviews so quickly with people asking me not to stop posting Eternal Horizon. I appreciate the heartfelt and even the pissed off responses that I received because either way, it lets me know how people feel about this story, good or bad. I suppose I was a bit rash, but the frustration I was feeling over writing and writing for hours and not receiving many responses was becoming disheartening.

I need to apologize to those who have reviewed, because honestly, now that I look at them and now that I've re-read them all over again, I realize that the reviewers I have already should give me faith enough. To those who PM'd me or reviewed for the first time to save this story, thank you. It means a lot that you _did_ take the time to say something, to say anything at all. I value my reviewers that I get to communicate with. Some have even moved me beyond words with their words of encouragement.

To those who I upset, but still stayed to read this, thank you, and I'm sorry it took me reaching a low point to appreciate your support.

I try to respond to all reviews, it's a huge effort I'm trying to make because reviewing on here is sort of hard to keep track of, and I'm not sure how to respond to reviews when people are not logged in when they leave them, but I will try.

I want to thank:

LisaAJane, Gikkas, DestinyAlessia, Michelle Reed, NCCullenGirl, BJ, Miss Brite, and the many people who PM'd me in response to my rant. Good or Bad, I needed to know where I stand, and I now I do.

Goldseadragon: For her awesome help with the last few chapters, editing them and giving me precious insight.

Dlajmc: For your honesty and encouragement.

Spockdatabones: For hanging in there, as always, with the coolest name and awesome reviews. Your wonderful comment of my writing outside of Fan Fiction was a huge honor! By the way, I'm having that talk with Edward, right now.

Reinbeau: For taking the time to review pretty much every chapter even though I'm sure the 'Edward Zombie Monologues' got tedious to read, and for taking the time to let me know how you felt about this situation. Thank you so much, for everything.

And Milinpink: For giving me such wonderful encouragement and advice both with this story and my own personal struggles. You're awesome Chica! But you knew that already. ;)

Also, if you get the chance and haven't read it yet, check out Deadly Games by Goldseadragon. Not only is it hysterical and slightly twisted (In a good way) but she is a talented writer and she's exploring a different side of Bella that just blows me away.

So here's the chapter, everyone. There are a few very shocking things, but I suppose you'll let me know if they're messed up or not. By the way, while I am on Team Edward 100%, I have a soft spot for Jacob as the best friend. I've read stories that make him the villain and I just can't see Jake that way. I hope you let me know what you think, and if not, then I am very grateful for what you have all said so far. As much as I look forward to many reviews, I realize how special my regular reviewers and readers truly are, and my first priority is to keep you all happy. My need for gratification can come later. Sorry for the buzz kill last chapter. Hope this helps.

**Chapter Note: Yiruma's _River Flows In You_ is the piece I always imagined for Bella's Lullaby after I heard it described in Midnight Sun. I broke down the timing of the 2:46 version after the jump just for the sake of being thorough.**

* * *

**Tough Love**

I stood frozen in shock at the threshold of the dining room as my eyes scanned the huge oval table in the center…at least what I could see of it anyway.

It was covered with a long, lacy, white table runner down the middle beneath a row of crystal carafes filled with milk and orange juice—and a bowl containing what looked to be some sort of pink punch with slices of kiwis floating in it. On one side, three large black plates had been placed one each in front of a chair, framed by polished silver utensils, and sitting upon matching napkins. The other side was a different story. There were platters upon platters of food—stacks of fluffy, yellow, perfectly griddle pancakes and Belgian waffles on one. A smaller dish layered with glistening strips of bacon and plump sausage links. A bowl filled with colorful berries, beside it was a row of melons arranged by size and cut open to reveal the perfectly carved balls of fruit that filled them. Then a square baking pan filled to the brim with square rolls oozing with icing, and lastly a plate that held a steaming pile of scrambled eggs.

Once I recovered, my eyes slowly slid to the four pale faces that were staring at me expectantly.

"I don't even know what to say right now," I murmured.

Esme and Rosalie exchanged a look as they both broke into ecstatic smiles.

"Told you she'd like it," Emmett nudged Rosalie with a grin.

"I love it," I corrected him. "This is…a wonderful surprise, thank you." I laughed suddenly. "And that's a lot of food. I see the plates, so I know you realize that only three of us are actually going to be eating," I teased.

"We wanted to make sure that there was enough for second helpings. We also took into consideration Jacob's appetite," Esme smiled her eyes flickering away from mine. I looked at Jacob where he leaned against the wall beside me grinning.

"It is impossible for me to starve whenever you cook, Esme." He smiled warmly at her.

"Alice also saw that you would be…heading home early," Jasper said carefully making me look at him. "So she suggested that any leftovers could be delivered to your mother as a neighborly welcome to Forks, and thanks for letting you spend the night."

My smile suddenly fell then. The mention of Andrea only had me thinking of having to hide the truth which in turn recalled the dilemma I faced with balancing both of my lives—vampire and human. That brought me to Alice, and then…to Edward. How could I leave when things were so terribly broken between us? I shook away the melancholy that was pressing upon me and tried to focus, not wanting to ruin Esme and Rosalie's gift by showing a lack of gratitude.

"You're quite the Betty Crocker. Has raising my daughter domesticated you, Rose?" I teased.

"Maybe a bit," She smiled shyly.

"Well, you seemed to have done a perfect job, on both accounts." I complimented her and she seemed to understand my double meaning, bestowing a genuinely elated smile upon me. "Speaking of my daughter…where is Renesmee?" I was looking at Jacob then but Esme was the one to answer.

"With Carlisle in his study," she said softly before her face changed as if she were listening to something far away. "I think that's her coming now."

A few seconds later Renesmee appeared at the bottom of the stairs, her eyes brightened when she spied me.

"Mom!" Her high tinkling voice rang out.

I couldn't help my grin when she skipped to me making me laugh. I opened my arms enveloping her in a tight hug when she reached me.

"Good morning, to you too," I giggled pressing a kiss to her cheek.

I felt her hot fingers press to my cheek, showing me images of my face. "It's a wonderful morning!" She exclaimed pulling away to smile brightly at me, but then her face fell. "Where's dad?"

I winced. "Your father and I had a tiny disagreement," I explained carefully. Jacob snorted but I ignored him. "He's with Alice right now," I told her before muttering, "Where she is hopefully beating some of her omniscient common sense into him."

She made a face at that before she rolled her eyes and turned to Jacob. "He still wants her to stay human, doesn't he?"

My mouth popped open in surprise.

"Pretty much," Jacob answered with a shrug.

I was confused. "How did you—"

"It's sort of obvious," She sighed turning back to look at me. "If you paid attention to what he said last night, his guilt over changing you in the first place was practically part of everything he said. It wasn't hard to figure out. I'm pretty smart you know," She teased. "Considering that Dad can be a little…"

"Stupid," Jacob muttered.

She shot him a playful glare. "I was going to say dense, but yeah, I figured this would come up sooner or later. I just figured it'd be later."

"You never cease to amaze me," I whispered.

She grinned at that showing her perfect dimples. "I get it from my mom." She winked.

My stomach grumbled and I blushed in embarrassment.

"Breakfast time," she laughed whirling away to dance over to the others. "It smells wonderful, Aunt Rose." She and Rosalie exchanged a tight hug before she turned to Esme. "You outdid yourself this time, Gran." I felt something tug at my chest when I heard that and Renesmee turned to look at me. "You used to refer to your grandmother that way all the time. I hope you don't mind."

"Of course not." I shook my head. "It's perfect."

"Can we eat now?" Jacob muttered impatiently.

"No one is stopping you, Jake," I retorted.

"I was being polite," he grinned walking to pull two chairs out. "Ladies first," he offered.

"Jacob Black, did you develop manners?" I teased walking to take the middle seat as Renesmee skipped over to the one to my right.

"He'd better have some manners," Rosalie commented dryly as she and the others slid into the chairs on the opposite side of the table. I could tell by her face that she was teasing.

"I don't think Edward would be too happy with me if I didn't act like a gentleman with his only daughter," Jacob laughed scooting our chairs forward before taking the empty seat on my right.

"Probably not," I muttered, "But he could use a few lessons in manners at this moment—like how to treat your wife when she comes back from the dead." Emmet chuckled.

Jacob snickered reaching for the stack of pancakes, dropping two each on mine and Renesmee's plates before helping himself to four and a few waffles. "I'm leaving that one alone."

I elbowed him.

"Remember when Dad used to take me on Father, Daughter Dates?" Renesmee laughed suddenly. "He was always mumbling stuff about how Jake had better hold my door for me or he'd break his hands." She smiled wistfully and that made me giggle. I watched Jacob reach for the next plate, again serving Renesmee and I first.

"He was raised in the early 1900's, I think those habits are pretty much permanent," I snorted.

"Ancient," Jacob muttered rising up to reach for the platter of meat.

"You do realize that Esme and Jasper are older than Edward, right?" I laughed at him.

Jacob froze, his eyes flying across the table to the others. "Sorry, I forgot," he mumbled, but Jasper was smirking at him.

"It's okay, kid." Emmett winked as Jacob continued to pile all of our plates with food. "We can't all read minds."

Jacob narrowed his eyes at him before his face changed as if a thought had occurred to him. "Hey, Emmett? Jasper?"

They both looked at him as I reached out to pop a strawberry in my mouth chewing slowly as I eyed them all curiously.

"So, since Bella's back…and she can use her shield to block Edward from hearing your thoughts…" Jacob grinned mischievously.

"Jacob!" Renesmee gasped.

"What?" I tried to ask with my mouth full but it sounded more like '_woh'_.

Their eyes suddenly brightened.

"Hell, yes!" Emmett cheered.

I gulped, swallowing the berry almost whole when I caught on.

"Oh, no," I muttered.

"Aww, c'mon, Bella! Edward hasn't had to fight fair his whole ancient life," Emmett whined his eyes flickering to Jacob.

"Absolutely not!" Esme frowned.

"Emmett, no!" Rosalie scolded.

"Why not?" Emmet pouted. "It sounds like he deserves to get his ass kicked a little."

"More than a little," Jasper muttered making my eyes widen.

"While that may be true," Esme chided, "He just got his wife back, and I'm sure he hasn't had time to absorb it all, so there will be no fighting with him during her first twenty-four hours with us." I gasped as my eyes flew to hers. "No matter how much he deserves it." She was smiling slyly at me. "Unless, Bella decides otherwise."

"Yes!" Emmett cheered, his fist pounding Jacob and Jasper's.

I rolled my eyes.

"Boys will be boys," Esme shrugged with a grin.

"What are we talking about?"

My eyes flew to the right to see where Carlisle was closing a book in his hand as he smiled warmly at all of us.

"About Mom, giving Uncle Jasper and Uncle Emmett an advantage over Dad," Renesmee laughed. "They want her to shield them so he'll have to fight fair."

Carlisle gave me a sympathetic look. "They've been itching to do that for decades." He turned to stare at the others. "Though, you might be surprised how well Edward can fight even without his ability." He shot them a meaningful look. "He's still very fast."

"Yeah, well, we're stronger," Emmett grinned.

"And more experienced." Jasper flashed his teeth.

"Wolves have a little bit more mass to work with and it's harder to get a hold on fur," Jacob smiled.

"Not you, too," I groaned. "Why does everyone want to beat up my husband?"

"You don't?" Emmet eyed me pointedly.

"I recall a certain undead girl wishing for a vampire proof baseball bat a few minutes ago…" Jacob reminded me making me glare at him. Everyone turned to blink at me then and my face burst into flames.

"Yeah, well, at the time it seemed like a brilliant idea," I muttered. "What I wouldn't give to be a vampire right now."

"See?" Jacob looked at Esme as he pointed to me. "She's game." The others chuckled softly.

"Jake, if anyone is going to knock him upside his obstinate head, it's going to be me—his wife." I actually growled the words. "I get first dibs." I grinned ruefully.

"Well, since we probably won't be finding a vampire proof baseball bat anytime soon, and until you're less likely to break your fist punching him—why don't you let me do the honors?" Jacob grinned.

"All of you quit plotting ways to annihilate my reason for existing again, please? I've lived without him long enough already." I railed irritably.

"Edward will come to his senses, Bella." Carlisle assured me. "I warned you that healing him would be difficult, this is just part of it." He frowned.

"If this is part of it, then I'm pretty sure he was broken before he ever lost me," I grumbled.

"Edward is very firm in the things he feels and believes, and since we are frozen the way that we are, it will take something very powerful to change that." Carlisle reminded me.

"What is more powerful than me coming back from the dead?" I blinked up at him.

"I don't know," he sighed.

Everyone was silent for a long moment before Renesmee steered the conversation in a new direction, chatting excitedly with Rosalie about the prospect of shopping sprees and girls nights with me and the rest of the female household. Telling me about books that she had read over the years, wanting to share all the details of what I had missed. We were half-way through with breakfast when I brought up a new topic that startled everyone.

"So, you mentioned that you two were getting married," I commented trying not to sound too eager.

Jacob stiffened beside me—freezing with a fork still between his lips.

"Did you set a date already?" I asked curiously pulling my eyes away from his hardened expression to look at Renesmee.

"Uh, well, it was supposed to be the same date as yours was," she murmured softly.

"August 13th?" I whispered. She nodded shyly. I counted backwards in my head. "But that was a week and a half ago." She nodded again avoiding my gaze. My eyes went wide. "That was the day I arrived back here in Forks." The others gasped in shock. Her eyes fell guiltily to her fingers in her lap. I suddenly felt the tension on either side of me.

"That's when it was supposed to be," she whispered.

My eyes flew to the others.

"Why do you think we were already in town?" Rosalie asked. I turned back to Renesmee.

"Supposed to be?" I raised a brow at her.

When she didn't answer I turned to Jacob.

"She called it off," Jacob coughed, reaching up to wipe his mouth with a napkin.

"Called it off?" My eyes widened.

"God awful fight, remember?" He grimaced.

"You called it off because of _me_?" My eyes flew back to Renesmee.

"Sort of," she cringed. "I went to the High School to see Dad when he came into town to register for classes a few weeks earlier. I was hoping that I could try to convince him one last time to come to the wedding. I was a little late—I didn't get there until he was already leaving and—"

"Wait, wait, wait!" I held up a hand to stop her as anger boiled in me. "He…_refused_…to come to your wedding?" I was sure that I was turning purple.

"Mom, do you honestly think he could have handled watching _me_ get married on the same day as _his _wedding anniversary to _you_?" She explained.

"I don't care!" I was shouting suddenly. "God, I could just strangle him right now!" I seethed. "If he could sit through another boring year of high school then he could handle a wedding." I was grinding my teeth.

"Cut him some slack, Mom," she pleaded with wide eyes. "I don't know if _I _could watch my kids get married if anything ever happened to Jacob," she reasoned. "Seeing his face in their eyes and reminding me of what I lost."

"People do it all the time," I reminded her. "It's called 'surviving'."

"Could you have done it?"

Her question startled me. I thought about it for a long moment. Could I have watched her marry Jacob all the while sitting beside an empty seat where Edward should have been? I didn't even know if I would survive losing him in the first place.

"I would have tried," I said hesitantly.

"Well, that's my point." She nodded. "As much as I wanted him there, he would have been miserable the whole time. I knew that, and part of me didn't really want him there if it was only going to be a point of suffering for him. I was just trying to make sure he knew that his presence would be missed." She explained. I huffed and crossed my arms childishly.

"Okay, so back to the story," I muttered.

"Er, oh yeah. Well, he looked really upset when I saw him. When he ran into your friend, what's her name? Izzy?" I nodded. "He was startled when she seemed to recognize him. After he left, I followed her to see if she would say anything. You know, clue me in to what had happened?" I must have made a face. "What? I'm nosey." She shrugged with an impish grin.

"_So is your father," _I commented to her. "_Look where that got him."_

She rolled her eyes. "_Anyway_, she did say something. She went straight to her Mom's classroom to tell her who she'd seen. Her mom had already seen him when he was there, but she'd been too startled to say anything. I think Dad was too upset so he wasn't paying attention to her thoughts. I could tell from their conversation that they both knew who Dad was. It made me worried that coming back here might not be safe for any of them." She motioned to the others. "But then her mom told her that it was probably best if she didn't mention it to anyone." That made me smile when I thought of Angela. "After I was sure that there wasn't any danger I was about to leave…but then I heard your name." _That_ startled me.

"My name?" I gasped.

She nodded. "I have good hearing remember?"

"I don't…understand," I whispered.

"The phone of the front office rang just as I was passing by, I could hear the school secretary answer it. She said the name 'Swan'." She blinked at me. I blinked back. "I got nosey again and crept by the office window to listen. She was talking to a woman who had called earlier—said she had a daughter named Isadora Swan, and that they were both moving to Forks. She wanted to know if mid-August was too late to register her for school."

Something, some strange awareness began creeping through me.

I remembered that phone call.

"Wait…this was July 21st?" I asked in a hoarse whisper.

She seemed perplexed. "Yeah, actually, it was. Wait, how did you know—"

"Because," I whispered. "I remember looking at the calendar the day Andrea told me about her job offer here in Forks, the day we decided to move here. She called the school a few minutes after we talked." My hands were trembling suddenly.

"Mom?" Renesmee's voice was edgy. "What is it?"

"How is this even possible?" I whispered.

"How is what possible?" She asked.

I looked up to glance around the room as I swallowed, trying to find my voice. "The same day that Edward came to the school he went to our meadow." They didn't understand because they hadn't seen what I had seen. "Hold on, I'm going to show you," I warned them. I focused very hard then, trying to isolate the thoughts that I had heard Edward think when I had called out to him in the woods—concentrating on his memories of his hallucinations of me over the past three years. I felt the invisible barrier that almost resembled my shield expand and then the images were rushing from me and flowing through their minds. I abruptly pulled it back once I knew they had seen it all. It seemed to take less time for them to absorb it.

When my vision cleared they all looked horrified.

Renesmee spoke first. "Dad had…hallucinations of you?"

"Yes." I nodded.

"That's what Alice was talking about," I turned to look at Jasper. "When she'd said that she'd seen him talking to himself. That's why he didn't come back to Denali that day."

"Yes," I whispered. "And all of his hallucinations before then were on the same nights that I had dreams about him, until after that night." My hands were shaking. "The night that his hallucination of me told him that it wasn't coming back was the day that my Mom and I decided to move to Forks," I whispered. "Like it knew I was coming."

"How is that possible?" Carlisle whispered and I looked up to him just as a faint memory began to tug at the edge of my consciousness. A dream that I'd had before…years ago, that I'd almost forgotten about. The same dream I'd had a few nights ago. It exploded through me again.

_I was running._

_The trees were a blur of green beside me. Something was chasing me. I imagined it to be the bear from the woods, but I knew that wasn't what it was. I could feel the heat behind me, pressing against my back. It was becoming uncomfortably stifling, as the air felt too warm in my lungs. I could taste the smoke on my tongue. I looked over my shoulder, a wall of flames consumed everything behind me as is raced forward, devouring trees and fallen trunks in its path. I screamed. It was coming for me. My legs pushed harder, I could feel the burn in my thighs as I choked, trying to breathe through the smoldering heat._

_I pushed against the branches in my way. There was a break in the trees up ahead. I could see the light breaking through the entwining arms of leafs and twigs. The fire was gaining; I could feel the burn against my skin. I cried out as I broke into the clearing, but my relief was short. The entire edge of the clearing was in flames, I skidded to a halt to look behind me where the wall of fire had stalled at the edge of the forest. I blinked in confusion and turned back to the clearing. _

_I gasped. He was there, standing barely ten feet from me, watching me curiously._

_Edward Cullen._

_His perfect features wore an expression of shock before they fell into painful lines. His eyebrows knotted together as a pale hand suddenly fisted a handful of his t-shirt over his heart as if he were in severe pain._

"_Edward?" I could hear the panic in my own voice as my eyes darted to the flames quickly before coming back to meet his eyes._

_Slowly, step by careful step, he closed the distance between us, stopping when he was close enough that I could have reached out and touched him if I wanted to. I trembled slightly._

"_Bella." His voice quivered slightly as if he were about to begin sobbing. The hand at his side slowly came up, until two fingers could press gently against my cheek. I shivered, his touch was cool and smooth, his fingers like satin against my skin. "Forgive me, Bella."_

_My heart skipped a beat and then doubled its pace. "Edward…" I breathed his name._

"_Forgive me," He begged tenderly, his face tilting until it was an inch from mine, his cool breath washing over my face, chasing away the heat. His golden gaze filled my vision, taking my breath away. His palm twisted against my cheek, sliding to cup my neck, his thumb tracing my jaw making me shiver. He leaned closer, and I could feel my heat clinging to his coolness like a magnet, his lips a breath away from touching mine._

_It was so soft I wasn't sure I felt it at first, as his lips whispered, the slightest touch, and then I could feel the delicious pressure. His arm encircled my waist, pressing me flush against him, and he moaned into my mouth. He began to move, his lips teasing mine, alternating between my upper and lower lip. I could feel my head spinning, my world dissolving around me._

_I reached out to touch him, but he pulled away abruptly, leaving me breathing harshly as I stared at him bewildered. _

_His face pinched suddenly, reverting back to a look of agony. "I'm sorry." _

"_I don't understand." I took a step forward and he in turn took a step back._

"_It's all my fault," He whispered._

"_Edward—"I said trying once more but he mirrored my movement._

"_I could have saved you…" His words broke off as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly, his face contorting into a grimace of pain. He continued to step farther away. I felt my legs aching to move, my entire body aching to be closer to him but I couldn't make myself budge. Slowly his eyes opened to stare at me, a feral look in his eyes. "Please, forgive me."_

_The ground beneath us began to shift, tremors shaking us until a fissure appeared between us and the earth opened up. My eyes darted up to meet his and the torture on his beautiful face made my chest feel as if it would collapse. Steam hissed from the crevice, until flames erupted ten feet high, they licked and popped spreading like a barrier between us._

_Edward disappeared. "No!"I cried out, running forward, the heat stopping me instantly. The edges of the fire reached out to join the blazing wall encircling the clearing. I darted along the edge of the fractured soil, my eyes frantically scanning the other side of the flames for Edward. The fire calmed by slow degrees and I waited my heart hammering with terror._

_I saw him, staring straight ahead, his fearful eyes searching for me. _

"_Edward!" I whimpered hysterically. When he found my face, I watched his entire being sag in relief. A sad smile suddenly pulled tight across his lips as he began walking towards the flames. I felt sudden dread rip through me when he didn't stop a few yards from them. I watched him grow closer and closer, fear seizing me when the entire clearing went silent. _

"_I love you," He whispered. "Forever, Bella."_

"_No Edward, don't!" I screamed, but it was too late, he disappeared into the fiery depths and I fell to my knees._

I gasped when my vision cleared.

"What…in tarnation was that?" It was Jasper who spoke, his face was horrified. I almost snickered at his slip of country verbage.

"A reoccurring nightmare."

"But it was so real."

"I dream in High Definition." I shrugged. "I had that dream a few nights ago and again before." I looked at Carlisle then. "You said that you found Edward again two years ago?" I whispered.

"We brought him to Denali a little over two years ago." Carlisle corrected. "The time between when Alice had seen him in a vision and when we actually were able to locate him was much longer than that. We searched all over Canada for almost a year before we found him."

"The night he almost…ended it all," I whispered. "That was the first time I ever dreamed of him. It had been Edward there in my dream before, but I hadn't known before a few nights ago who the boy in my dream was. He set things in motion."

"I don't understand." Esme whispered.

"Maybe my dreams were trying to warn me—trying to wake me up. That was the beginning of everything—the night he tried to end himself and a vision of me appeared to him. Everything in my life started to change after that night. It started a chain of events that led me here." The truth rocked me to my core. "Maybe Edward's hallucinations weren't hallucinations after all, maybe…I made them appear," I breathed my words coming in a rush. "They only came to him whenever he was about to give up, and I dreamed of him or something would happen to remind me of him on those nights. What if somehow…our souls are so connected, that mine knew that it was losing him, and it reached out to warn me…to stop him?"

There was utter silence for a long moment.

"Holy…_shit_." Jacob's voice startled me. I turned to look at him where he was leaning away from me with wide eyes like he'd seen a ghost.

"You two really _are _soul mates." His eyes were wide. "_Why_ doesn't he _believe_ you?"

"I don't know Jake," I whispered as despair flooded me.

"Maybe losing you really did make him go insane and we just aren't seeing it fully yet." Renesmee whispered. "Because how else could he deny all of _that _to himself? Maybe he needs to wake up still."

"You might be right." I nodded solemnly and then something Jacob had said earlier came to me. "Maybe the only way to do that, is to show him a little tough love," I said firmly.

"Tough love?"

"Yeah, no more making excuses for him, and letting him continue to wallow." My eyes slid to Jacob and I grinned. "Time to bring out the big guns."

He chuckled. "I'm almost afraid for him."

"That includes all of you," I said sternly looking at the others, my eyes softening when my gaze rested on Esme. "I know it's going to be hard, but none of you can give him even an inch of sympathy." She nodded slowly. "For some reason I'm alive, and miraculously he's still alive too. We're going to get our forever that we've been searching for and he's just going to have to accept that." I nodded. "I'm going to show him that he has a soul even if it kills me all over again."

"I'd hope that we don't actually have to go to those extremes, Mom." Renesmee winced.

"Speaking of tough love," I glared playfully at her. "Spill the beans, sweetheart. Why would you call off your wedding?" I asked her softening my voice.

She grimaced and actually blushed. "I told you," She sighed. "I heard your name and I just _felt_…like something was coming. Maybe I knew it was you." She shrugged. "So I waited until the woman left the office, and I snuck inside to find any information on you that she had taken down. Then I saw the date marked on a calendar next to your name and the word 'Junior Class'—it was the date of the wedding, August 13th. I knew that with this new information that I had to postpone the wedding until you arrived. I knew that I couldn't marry Jacob without you there. Something about it just didn't feel right. I knew I had to wait. It was hard to explain that to Jacob."

Jake made a small noise that sounded like an indignant huff. "That's because you didn't explain it, Ness." He frowned.

"How could I?" She leaned to look at him. "I had to see her Jake."

"I know that _now_," he muttered.

Her eyes slid back to me. "And when I did finally see you, I couldn't explain what I had seen—I couldn't even make sense of it myself. I didn't know who you really were, or why you looked like you. I didn't know how to tell the others, least of all Dad."

I nodded in understanding as I picked up a fork and began shuffling the food on my plate around to avoid meeting everyone's gaze before my eyes flickered to the doorway, scanning the glass walls at the back of the house, all of my thoughts on Edward.

"Tough love," Jacob reminded me.

"I know," I grumbled, stabbing a fluffy yellow egg with more force than necessary. "So, is the wedding back on?"

I felt Jacob lean around me to stare at Renesmee expectantly.

"We have forever to get married Jake," she murmured carefully as her gaze softened. "I think that if it's at all possible, I'd like to wait until Dad's a bit more stable." She cringed, waiting for his response.

I looked at him then.

Slowly he pushed away from the table, and came around to kneel before her, taking her hands in his as his eyes softened, shining with love as he stared at her. "Renesmee Carlie Cullen, I've waited almost nineteen years to marry you," he whispered. "I'll wait as long as I have to, as long as I do get to marry you one day." She threw her arms around him, her eyes wet with tears.

He rolled his eyes to meet mine then. "I'm a huge fan of your tough love plan right now, by the way," he muttered and Renesmee giggled in his arms. "If it's the only way to speed up getting your idiot husband to come to his senses, then you can count me in."

After breakfast, I tried to offer to help clean up but Esme wasn't hearing any of it. Instead she shooed us all out of the dining room insisting that she would take care of it all. As we made our way into the living room immediately my eyes slid to the back windows again and the invisible ache of something missing inside of me was back again.

"Going through withdrawals?" Emmet chuckled.

I raised a brow at him. "Something like that."

"Well, I think he deserves a little separation anxiety," Rosalie commented haughtily. "Especially, after how he has behaved."

"Rosalie," Carlisle scolded.

"What?" she asked innocently. "_I _want Bella to be one of us again, and his stubbornness isn't going to make that happen." That made me smile as I met her eyes.

"I missed you too, Rose." I grinned at her.

"School will be much more enjoyable this time around with you back again, Bella," she nodded. "I just know it."

"Sure," I snorted, "If you all can remember to call me Adora and not Bella in front of everyone."

"I forgot about that," she frowned but then her expression brightened moments later. "It will take some getting used to, but I'm sure we'll manage."

"Ness, will be attending Forks this year too." Jacob commented making my eyes fly to hers.

"You will?"

"I never went to school before, remember? After you and Dad were gone, Aunt Rose and the others continued to tutor me at home. No one in Forks has ever seen me before, I've only been around people on the reservation." She explained. "So I figured, if my whole family is going, then I want to too."

"What about you, Jake?" I turned to look at him then.

"Oh, no. I am _not_ going back to school," he laughed. "You guys got me to go back and get my diploma after things calmed down around here, but I'm not doing it again. Not now at least. Maybe in a few years after Ness and I have been married, and I figure out what to do about the rest of the pack, we'll figure something out. Until then, I have a few responsibilities that require my attention down at the rez."

"I can't believe school starts in two days," I groaned leaning against the wall as I washed my hands over my face. "Why couldn't this have happened at the end of the summer, you know, when we would have a few months before we'd have to face people?" I sighed. "I feel like I need more time to get this story straight."

"What do you mean?" Carlisle murmured.

"Edward and I," I whispered. "I think a lot of people know who we are, or they'll see how much we resemble ourselves." I groaned. "This is so messed up." I eyed him carefully. "Are you sure that this won't be a problem for any of you?"

"Alice is fairly certain that there will be no danger." Jasper assured me. "And I trust her judgment."

I sighed and looked away, startled when I caught sight of Edward's grand piano in the foyer. I leaned away from the wall and made my way to it.

"It's still here," I whispered my fingers touching the sleek black finish before they dropped to the ivory and onyx keys.

"You play now?" Esme voice asked softly from behind me.

I turned to find everyone staring at me.

"Surprisingly," I grinned and my fingers dipped to press a few of the keys, playing the beginning notes of Beethoven's _Moonlight Sonata_. I paused with a sigh. "I know Edward tried to teach me dozens of times, unsuccessfully however. Jared and I were given a choice when we were younger—swimming or piano lessons. Jared chose swimming—I chose piano. It always seemed to sooth me. Andrea said that I had terrible nightmares when I was younger, but they stopped once they sat me down in front of a piano for the first time. I wonder…" I whispered sliding onto the matching black bench as my fingers glided across the keys again, testing them.

I felt the others move behind me, coming closer as they listened to the erratic tinkling sound of the keys as I struck them. They didn't make any sense at first. Then slowly the sound morphed into something haunting and familiar, a piece that was humming at the edge of my consciousness.

The melody was already in my head—I'd heard it so many times before—the dream from my first night back in Forks suddenly enveloped me. My fingers—knowing my heart's desire—began to move, making the memory of that dream suddenly come to life. I heard gasps of surprise behind me then.

I breathed a soft sigh just as I had that night as the sound carried me away, gently sweeping upward, like I was floating outside of my own body again. It was beautiful. The melody continued its rising spiral, feeling as if all my soul was filled with its delicious sounds. My eyes fluttered shut—not needing to see as I played because I knew this piece as well as I knew my own heart, because it was Edward's lullaby that he'd written for me.

The image of that startling topaz gaze from my dreams warmed me again suddenly. The gaze was smiling, coursing through me, enraptured by my mood once more. It was staring—silently awed—as if it too realized the tenderness, rich and seductive, alive in me, breathing into me. I was whole again. I played for those eyes—Edward's eyes. My touch was soft, flawless, caressing the keys and behind my closed lids his heated gaze became curious, twinkling with amusement, watching as my soul danced to the symphony, they were delighted by my pleasure. Then there was a silent question, a flash of perplexity as if he were trying to understand what I was feeling. I smiled, but it wasn't the same unusual smile as before—not just the way you would smile secretively at a lover, beckoning them to follow, because it was for more than a lover now—it was for Edward. He was my one true love.

The melody slowed, in silent yearning, to answer the questions drowning in his amber depths. I took him on my journey with me, from the beginning, telling him through my musical soul, what had pleased me. I showed him what had brought my heart immeasurable joy.

He had.

My memory of his gaze widened slightly, as if feeling awed, as if he were experiencing my flight into the gentle arms of understanding. I was smiling softly, as I remembered how the melody had whispered secrets unknown to me then—secrets I understood now. There wasn't a bright flash of color this time, instead his eyes brightened into a vivid color of some potent emotion, only for a moment, but a moment was all it took to take my breath away again. I hummed a lower harmony that I knew by heart, adding it effortlessly, and the notes suddenly took flight. They were joyous, ringing, crying out in exuberant ecstasy, and his eyes mirrored them. They were so impossibly warm, tender, yearning, reaching out to caress me in some divine fashion of adoration. They were singing to me now, causing a strange aching in every fiber of my being, taking me higher with every note. I could have floated away at the very moment and I would never have noticed. I would have followed his topaz gaze anywhere. I wanted to, as long as we were together…forever.

In that instant, I felt the fragile bubble of glass surrounding us shatter once more, as the knowledge washed over us both. We didn't have forever…not yet at least. The music softened, lowering, bowing its head sadly, and his eyes were suddenly breaking my heart, filling with that same terrible longing from moments before, only now they were tainted by sorrow. We were drifting away from one another, slowly, painfully, whispering inconsolable, desolate good-byes as the melody hushed, crying now, sobbing its last notes to its broken, lifeless, devastating end.

The room was silent.

Before I slowly let my eyes flutter open, I could feel Edward there.

Our eyes met, holding, locked inside mirroring gazes of longing and love. I knew that by allowing myself to become lost in the melody I had in turn lost my focus and allowed my emotions and memories to leak through the room baring my soul for all to see—including Edward.

He stood off to the left side, away from the others who had crowded around the piano to the right to watch me play, his arms crossed as he leaned against the large glass wall that faced to the east. He was still wearing the same pale blue button down shirt and dark jeans from earlier. Just then, the sun broke over the horizon, and a burst of light was shining around his frame where his body blocked the glaring orb of the sun from blinding me. He looked like he was glowing, his eyes shining as he watched the sparkling reflections of his skin throw rainbows of light across mine.

My husband. For one shining moment I forgot how angry I was with him…

Then the moment was shattered.

_Tough love_, I reminded myself.

"I thought you were going to tell him to stay away," Jake's voice growled close behind me.

"I did," Alice sighed through gritted teeth, her voice surprising me. "But I saw that that idea was going to end almost as badly, so I told him he could come if he promised to keep his idiotic opinions to himself."

I wasn't really paying attention as they continued to argue, my eyes were still held under the mesmerizing glow of Edward's gaze.

"Hi," he murmured softly.

I took a deep breath. _Tough love_.

"Hi." I fought to keep my voice even.

"You play beautifully." His voice was spellbound. I flushed unable to take my eyes off of him. He pushed away from the window, keeping his body in line with the sun so that I could see him as he made his way to me.

"You wrote it," I whispered when he stopped to lean a hip against the side of the piano to my left. His lips pulled into the crooked grin that I loved so very much, his eyes sparkling.

"Yes, but when I did, I never imagined it with the perfection of your voice with it," he murmured. "It's a great improvement, as with all things you are a part of."

I was in deep trouble. I could feel my insides liquefying under his gaze.

"You had dreams about your lullaby?" he whisper. I shook my head slowly as I attempted to swallow so that I could speak.

"No, not exactly," I whispered shakily, my voice still thick with emotion as I stared at him. "I did hear it in one of my dreams, and I had dreams about your eyes too." I swallowed when his eyes softened, my mouth suddenly going dry. "But mostly I just dreamed about you, and about being with you forever." I suddenly found the nerve I was looking for as I stared into his golden eyes, and I squared my shoulders, letting the words fly out of my mouth before I lost it again. "I'll always dream of that, even if you don't want me that long."

"Edward, don't!" Alice hissed from behind me just as his lips parted to respond, pain flashing in his eyes. "I'll change her myself. I swear I will, Edward," she warned menacingly. "We're not going through that again."

"There wasn't a choice last time, Alice," he growled through clenched teeth as his angry eyes flashed to hers over my head. "She was dying!" I winced, closing my eyes, blowing out a huff of air in a resigned sigh.

"And refusing to change her will kill her anyway."

"It doesn't have to be that way!" he hissed, his fists clenching at his sides as he straightened.

I'd had enough.

_Tough love. Tough love. Tough love._ The words repeated over and over in my head.

I shoved away from the piano then, rushing to escape the room as my eyes began welling with angry tears. I jerked to a halt when I caught sight of my hoodie dangling from a hook in the entryway and stumbled towards it, rummaging through the front pocket until I found my keys before sliding it over my head.

"Where are you going?" Edward's voice whispered worriedly directly behind me. I stiffened.

"I'm going _home_," I muttered angrily. "I'm not listening to this anymore." I turned to reach for the front door but he was suddenly blocking me.

"Bella, stop," he murmured beseechingly.

"No, you stop!" I shouted shoving past him to fling to door wide open before storming through it.

I came to an abrupt stop on the steps of the wide porch. I could barely make out the blue paint of my car a few meters in front of me. A dense fog was hovering eerily above the ground, thick, and white, and impossible to see through.

"Please, Bella, don't go. Not like this." Edward was at my side, pulling my face to his as he bent to press his cool lips to mine.

My knees almost buckled.

No! Tough love!

I ripped my face away. "Don't touch me!" I hissed pulling away to put some space between us before I gave into him.

His eyes widened in shock, filling with agony. "Don't leave, please, don't leave," he begged desperately. "I just got you back."

"All of this was for nothing! Seventeen years, Edward! Seventeen years apart! And here we are, back at square one again!" I railed angrily. I felt eyes on us then, turning to find Renesmee standing in the doorway, Jacob hovering behind her protectively as the rest of the Cullen's stood glaring at Edward from right outside the door. "I'll come by and see you both later," I assured her before my eyes slid back to Edward, narrowing. "Maybe you should be less worried about me leaving, since you intend for me to grow old and die anyway, and more concerned about repairing what your absence did to _our daughter,_ along with the rest of our family!" I pointed towards the doorway and his eyes flickered there briefly. "_They're_ the ones who'll have to put up with you for the next one hundred years! Not me!" I glared at him.

His mouth fell open in shock, his wide eyes flying to look at the others again.

"No!" Alice hissed just as I used the distraction to run, flying down the steps of the porch towards my car.

Just as I slid the key in the lock there was a loud ripping sound and air hissed loudly from all around me as I watched in horror as my car sagged lower to the ground. My mouth popped open in surprise when I recognized where the noise was coming from. I took a step back, my eyes squinting through the fog to examine the deflated tires on each side of me before my gaze slowly slid to Edward where he stood frozen in fury beside my car, fuming, his palms curled into fists as he stared at me half-crazed. I blinked at him, struck numb with shock.

"I…can't…believe…you slashed…_my_ _tires!_" I hissed between my teeth, my voice low and dangerous. "Are you _crazy?_" I shrieked storming towards him until my face was inches from his. "That was absolutely _childish_ Edward! What in the _hell_ is _wrong with you?_" I screamed up into his face but he didn't flinch. "You're over a hundred-years-old and you're acting like you really are an _idiotic seventeen-year-old boy_!" I seethed. "How _dare_ you!" I screeched. "You _really have_ lost your _damn mind!_" I was so angry that I lost all control, my fist swung furiously towards his face.

Before it could connect, hot fingers caught my wrist in a tight grasp and my eyes flew to meet Jacob's warm brown gaze.

"Vampire proof, remember?" He grinned.

So fast that I almost missed it, his fist collided with Edward's jaw, sending Edward's body flying through the air until it disappeared completely into the mist.

"You have _no idea_ how long I've been waiting to do that," Jacob chuckled beside me.

I frowned at him, suddenly feeling guilty. I was about to turn to search the fog for Edward but Jacob suddenly stiffened beside me before stepping a few feet away.

"Bella, get back!" he ordered as his body began to shake uncontrollably.

My eyes went wide. "Jake, no! Don't—"

There was a harsh ripping noise just as small arms encircled me, jerking me backwards and swinging me around so that I was facing away.

Renesmee's voice was in my ear. "You'll get hurt, Mom."

A loud snarl sliced through the air in the distance.

I turned to look over her shoulder just as a pale streak shot from the fog, barreling into the large russet wolf that was suddenly behind us and they both tumbled away from us, rolling and twisting into a pile of fur and diamond skin.

"Edward, stop!" I screamed, struggling against her embrace as they wrestled too fast for my eyes to follow, their bodies fading deeper into the fog. "Please, don't hurt him!"

"Don't get in the way," she warned.

I could hear the snapping of teeth, growls and snarls, feeling the ground shake beneath my feet from the impact.

"Edward can read his mind!" I hissed. "Jacob's no match for him!"

Her arms went slack with shock and I darted forward out of her arms, towards the sound of the fight beyond us.

"Both of you stop this right now!" I shrieked stopping a few feet ahead when the ground shook followed by another round of growls and snarls. "I'm serious! Jake! Edward! You both had better come back in one piece!" I screamed.

I tried to see but the fog was too thick, I could only make out shadows moving in the whiteness. No one had moved to stop them. Why wasn't anyone stopping them? The snarls continued as a few more tremors shook the earth. I began to dart forward again but then a sharp cracking noise split the air followed by the slice of tearing fabric and then a howl of pain. Terror flooded my veins like ice, rooting me to the spot. My whole body was suddenly vibrating with fear, leaking slowly out of me, building stronger until it reached a crescendo.

"I said _stop_!" I screamed and something burst out of me.

There were identical shrieks of pain followed by two soft thuds. Then the clearing went silent.

I was still shaking, my whole body trembling, until a cool hand on my shoulder, sending a wave of calm through me, caught me off guard. I looked up to see the rest of the Cullen's along with Renesmee beside me suddenly, staring in horror out into the fog where Jacob and Edward had disappeared.

Jasper's eyes slid to my face. "What did you do to them?" His voice was quiet with shock.

"I don't know," I whispered fearfully with a shake of my head.

"Jacob?" Renesmee called in a frightened voice.

There was no answer.

I took a step forward but Jasper tightened his grip on my shoulder making me look at him. His eyes were tight as he stared straight ahead before he nodded forward once and my eyes flew back to peer out into the whiteness.

Something was moving towards us through the fog, slowly a figure began to emerge. I could barely make out the silhouette at first, but then the outline began to take form, and my heart began to thunder furiously in my chest. Then it paused.

"Ness!" Jacob's voice called calmly, breathing heavily, making my heart squeeze in my chest in partial relief. "Pants, please."

I saw her disappear out of the corner of my eye but I kept my eyes focused on the fog.

"Edward?" My voice shook.

I was met with silence. Why hadn't he answered?

Renesmee reappeared moments later and tossed a pile of dark fabric into the abyss of whiteness. I heard a muttered curse, another strange thud and then the shadow in the fog was moving again. I was about to breathe a sigh of relief when I recognized Jacob's hulking frame and then the paleness of Edward beside him, but then…they slowly came into focus. Jacob was limping and slung across his shoulders was Edward's arm, as they hobbled along awkwardly beside each other. Jacob's tan arm was around his waist and there was something horribly wrong with the image that didn't make sense as my eyes scanned Edward's body. One side of Edward's pants dangled emptily, ripped to shreds at the knee, and in his free hand…he held his pale missing limb by the ankle.

I felt the invisible hole inside my chest rip wide open but this time it seemed to extend all the way down through my stomach. Images of Edward's skin flashed in my mind, of when I had jerked the sleeve of his shirt up, and pulled his collar to the side revealing the fine hairline cracks, running the length of his collar bone, and at his elbows from where the Volturi had torn him apart when they'd taken Renesmee.

My legs gave out and I crumpled to my knees.

"Bella!" Edward dropped the limb and scrambled out of Jacob's grasp, falling forward, crawling at blinding speed to my side even with only one leg. His cool hands were washing across my skin as his eyes searched my face worriedly. "Are you all right?" he whispered frantically. "Are you hurt?"

My eyes widened in alarm.

"Am _I_ hurt?" I gasped. "He ripped your leg off, Edward!" I cried pointing to the marble stump beneath him.

Over his shoulder I watched as Jacob bent to pick up the part Edward had dropped with a grimace before he continued to limp forward. Renesmee flew to his side then, her hands cradling his face before she snaked one pale arm around his naked waist. Jacob's eyes slid to me as they got closer, his lips pulling into a smug smile and I heard Edward's teeth snap together.

"You shouldn't underestimate me, Bells." He winked. "_I _did what you said at least and came back in one piece. Your husband on the other hand…" He suddenly chucked the leg at the back of Edward's head with a chuckle. Edward's hand flew out to catch it before he glared over one shoulder.

"That's only because she asked me not to hurt you, _dog_." He hissed.

"You call this not hurting me, _leech_?" Jacob twisted his leg to reveal a perfect set of teeth marks on his right calve that were oozing with blood. I gasped. "You can be put back together like humpty freaking dumpty, but you're venom is going to make me sick for days."

"Serves you right for interfering—if you had let go of my leg instead of breaking it off then I wouldn't have bitten you," Edward growled.

"Yeah, well, I was trying to keep _you_ from getting too close to _her_." Jacob pointed a finger sharply at me.

Edward suddenly hissed and whirled crouching low as if he were going to lunge at Jacob again. "I would _never_ hurt her!"

"You sure 'bout that?" Jacob raised a dubious brow, as he paused, straightening away from Renesmee, before eyeing Edward meaningfully as he crossed his arms with a smug smirk. Edward flinched suddenly. "I guess you were too far gone to notice, but every time she said a word or started coming closer towards us you would start turning in her direction," Jacob spat.

"I was keeping an eye on her—making sure that she was safe," Edward hissed darkly.

"So was I," Jacob muttered but there was a challenge in his voice.

Edward leaned forward slowly as a low growl rumbled through him.

"Don't!" I cried, throwing my arms around his hard shoulders to press my cheek to his back. "Please don't fight anymore!" Tears spilled down my cheeks then. "I can't stand it."

Edward whirled suddenly, and I was in his arms, held against his stone chest as his cool hands rubbed up and down my back. "Shh, don't be anxious, Bella," he murmured. "Of course we won't fight, whatever you want," he whispered into my ear.

I swallowed as I watched Jacob wince as he took a step forward making me cringe. Renesmee slid her arm around his waist again then, pressing a kiss to his knuckles tenderly before her eyes slid to his pain filled face. He grimaced down at her trying to smile and it made me push away from Edward's embrace angrily.

"He'll be fine," Edward sighed rolling his eyes.

"Ditto," Jacob muttered eyeing the discarded limb as Renesmee helped him limp towards the house, their eyes shooting identical angry glares at Edward's back. I saw Edward's face pinch momentarily before it became smooth and unreadable. "Bells?" My eyes slid back to Jacob's where he had paused to look at me curiously. "How did you do that? When we were fighting I mean?" His eyes looked slightly wary as he said it. "I haven't felt something that painful since…" His voice trailed off and I noticed that Edward was staring at me with a strange mix of fear and wonder on his face.

"_Jane_."

I leaned backwards in surprise. "Jane?"

"It was her ability that you used on us just a moment ago." Edward was nodding slowly.

"That's impossible!" I gasped jerking free of his arms then, pushing completely away from him to stand. "She's dead. I killed her myself."

"I'd recognize that type of pain anywhere, and it was indeed Jane's ability." He was staring up at me sadly.

"That makes no sense," I whispered shaking my head. "I didn't mean to do that, I wasn't trying to. I don't even know how I did it."

"Regardless, you did," he murmured but there was something in his voice then…fear.

"I'm sorry!" I cried. "I didn't mean to hurt you—either of you!"

Edward's face was anxious then. "Jacob and I will be just fine, love. No harm done. Don't upset yourself, please."

"No harm done?" I narrowed my eyes and he nodded. "You're missing a leg and he has a poisonous bite." I reminded him. I shook my head angrily my eyes swinging to Jacob's face. "I shouldn't have let you punch him. That was dumb."

"Let me?" Jacob raised one brow. "I don't think there was anything you could have done to stop me." I felt guilt wash through me. "Oh, c'mon, Bells. Don't pretend like he didn't deserve that." His eyes flickered to the ground beside me.

My eyes slid to the discarded limb beside us and then to the remaining stump of Edward's leg. It was a dumb thing to do. There was something about seeing it so close, and really looking at it. The stone ligaments, muscles and bones had been broken off like a shard of rock. It made me shuddered as a roll of nausea swam through my stomach. I felt the color drain from my face, and my heart was suddenly pounding in my ears as I swayed dizzily.

"Well, catch _her, _idiot_,_" Alice mumbled irritably sounding somewhere far away.

Edward's stone arms went around me just everything faded from view.

* * *

Well, there we go. I'm very interested in hearing what some of you are looking forward to seeing. I've had some suggestions that were actually already in the works beforehand, we'll be seeing them soon.

Here's the Lullaby breakdown:

00:05 The melody was already in my head, I'd heard it so many times before, that the dream from my first night back in Forks suddenly enveloped me, and my fingers knowing my heart's desire began to move—the memory suddenly becoming real.

00:14 I breathed a soft sigh as the sound carried me away, gently sweeping upward, like I was floating outside my own body again. It was beautiful.

00:30 The melody continued its rising spiral, feeling as if all my soul was filled with its delicious sounds. My eyes fluttered shut—not needing to see as I played because I knew this piece as well as I knew my own heart, because it was Edward's lullaby that he'd written for me.

00:44 The image of that startling topaz gaze warmed me again suddenly, it was smiling, coursing through me, enraptured by my mood, staring, silently awed as if it too realized the tenderness, rich and seductive, alive in me, breathing into me.

00:55 I played for those eyes—Edward's eyes. My touch was soft, flawless, caressing the keys and behind my closed lids his heated gaze became curious, twinkling with amusement, watching as my soul danced to the symphony, they were delighted by my pleasure.

01:01 Then there was a silent question, a flash of perplexity as if he was trying to understand what I was feeling. I smiled, but it wasn't the same unusual smile as before—not just the way you would smile secretively at a lover, beckoning them to follow, because it was for more than a lover now…

01:08 …it was for Edward. He was my one true love. The melody slowed, in silent yearning, to answer the questions drowning in his amber depths. I took him on my journey with me, from the beginning, telling him through my musical soul, what had pleased me. I showed him what had brought my heart immeasurable joy. He had.

01:18 My memory of his gaze widened slightly, as if feeling awed, as if he was experiencing my flight into the gentle arms of understanding. I was smiling softly, as I remembered how the melody had whispered secrets unknown to me then, as finally that bright flash of color flared surrounding his gaze, only for a moment, but a moment was all it took to take my breath away again.

01:37 Brightening his eyes into a flash of some potent emotion, I hummed a low harmony that I knew by heart, adding it effortlessly, and the notes suddenly took flight.

01:41 They were joyous, ringing, crying out in exuberant ecstasy, and his eyes mirrored them. They were so impossibly warm, tender, yearning, reaching out to caress me in some divine fashion of adoration. They were singing to me now, causing a strange aching in every fiber of my being, taking me higher with every note. I could have floated away at the very moment and I would never have noticed. I would have followed his topaz gaze anywhere. I wanted to, as long as we were together.

02:07 In that instant, I felt the fragile bubble of glass surrounding us shatter, as the knowledge washed over us both. We couldn't be together…not forever at least.

02:26 The music softened, lowering, bowing its head sadly, and his eyes were suddenly breaking my heart, filling with that same terrible longing from moments before, only now they were tainted by sorrow.

02:33 We were drifting away from one another, slowly, painfully, whispering inconsolable, desolate good-byes…

02:42 …as the melody hushed, crying now, sobbing its last notes to its broken, lifeless, devastating end.

Thank you, everyone, again!


	18. Backfire

**A/N:** I know that I haven't updated in what...like two months? I'm so sorry but it wasn't because I didn't want to. I just haven't had the time to write.

Last year my Dad was diagnosed with Stage 3 inoperable Lung Cancer, he went in the remission last December but we just found out that his cancer is back, and it's worse. His right lung where the mass is, is collapsed and he has pneumonia in that lung, so Chemotherapy is out of the question because it will lower his immune system and it will kill him. We've been struggling with this for the past two months, my sister, mother an I alternating between days of taking him to radiation appointments and looking after him because he can't breathe so he can't perform ordinary day to day activities. I'm helping with medical bills because no insurance companies will cover him and my mom makes too much for him to qualify for any financial assistance. So I'm putting in 60+ hours a week at work.

I'm so sorry for the delay but hopefully another update is coming soon.

* * *

**Backfire**

Something didn't feel right, my whole body ached, my joints feeling stiff and unwilling to move as I pushed the low hanging branches of the forest out of my way. I could see a light up ahead, breaking through the entwining limbs covered in green. I tried to walk faster but my body couldn't muster the strength as I slowly broke through the tree line and blinked against the bright sun.

I was in the meadow, but something was different about it. There was a small pond before me and waiting for me on the other side, stood the others, all of them. They glittered in the bright sun, Carlisle and Esme, Jasper and Alice, Emmett and Rosalie, and finally Renesmee her small hand held tightly in Jacob's. They all wore sad smiles. I furrowed my brows searching the clearing.

"Where's Edward?" My voice startled me, it didn't sound right—it was gravelly and weak.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement, and I tuned to watch as Edward stepped out from the trees, slowly coming to my side to take my hand, escorting me forward to the edge of our side of the small pond as if I couldn't walk without his help.

"Edward, what's going on?" I asked blinking up at him. My vision seemed cloudy, I couldn't make out the fine details of his beautiful golden eyes the way I normally could.

"I know we don't have much longer now, Bella, so I wanted to say good-bye to everyone before we go," he murmured gently with a tight smile.

"Before we go?" I gasped ripping my hand from his. "I'm not going anywhere!"

"Bella," Edward sighed sadly. "We're running out of time, Alice has seen it." I looked at Alice then and her face was filled with grief. "It's best that we say our final good-byes now, before it's too late."

"Before what's too late—" I started to ask as I began turning back to him but something in the water made me freeze, the words dying on my lips.

I could see my reflection, only it didn't look like me, not the way I should have looked. My hair was white and pulled into a tight ponytail, my frame was small and frail and my skin was ashen and withered with age and beside me was Edward, still frozen in perfection, at the inalterable age of seventeen.

"No!" I gasped in horror, whirling to face him.

"As soon as you go, I will follow after as soon as I am able," he whispered with a sad smile as he leaned to press his cold lips to mine. "I promise."

"No!" I screamed as the image evaporated. "No!"

"Bella!" I could hear Edward's anxious voice in my ear. "It's all right, it was just a dream," he murmured softly.

My eyes flew open then. I was laying on the couch in the Cullen's living room, with my head on a pillow resting on Edward's legs, a blanket covering me. He was staring down at me anxiously as my eyes flew around the room to meet eight other worried pairs of eyes. I raised my hand so that I could examine it and sighed with relief when I saw that my skin was still smooth and youthful.

Then the memory of the dream washed over me.

"No!" I shouted, tossing the blanket aside as I scrambled up and away from him quickly, stumbling backwards from the couch. "It wasn't just a dream! It was real! It's going to happen someday! You're going to let me grow old and _die_!" I shrieked and he flinched, going still suddenly as his face hardened. "You're not going to do this to me again, Edward!"

"He doesn't have a choice anymore." Carlisle's angry voice startled me making me turn to look at him. "When you're ready, I'll change you if I have to, if you're willing to wait until we've figured out this situation first." He waited until I nodded and then his eyes slid to Edward's. "I've looked the other way and I've been patient with you for the past seventeen years because you deserved to grieve however you needed to, son, but Bella is here now and enough is enough. We have her back, and she is as much a daughter to me as you are my son. She is one of us, Edward. She is a daughter, sister, mother and wife to this family." He sighed sadly then. "Son, you need to come to terms with this belief that you have about yourself, and you need to realize that this is no longer your decision to make, it's Bella's."

I was stunned. I had never heard Carlisle use that tone with Edward. Edward's expression was hard as stone as he glared up at his father's face. My eyes fell to his legs where they were both perfect and whole again, remembering the temper tantrum he'd thrown outside earlier and it strengthened my resolve.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm leaving," I muttered turning away and Edward made a sound. I ignored it at first but then I froze. "My car?" I asked warily turning back to glare briefly at him before my eyes slid to the others.

"I told them to go to town to get some spare tires before I went to the cottage, but I don't think they heard me." Alice frowned.

"Oh, that's what that was all about," Jacob chuckled before he groaned and pushed to stand up. "I'll take you home, Bells." He offered but Renesmee stopped him with a hand on his shoulder making my eyes fall to see where his leg had been bandaged over the bite wound. "They'll have your car back to you by the end of the day." He glared at Edward then. "And if you try slashing _my _tires I'm going to rip off more than just your leg," he growled. Edward growled right back in response.

"I should probably take her, Jacob." Alice interjected flitting to my side. "After all, she did tell Andrea that she was staying with me. She's going to get suspicious if she shows up there with you, and I'd like for her to be able to come back without any difficulty." She added.

I looked at Jacob then. "She's right, you know." I nodded. "I just need to go home and make an appearance—start setting up the explanation for why I won't be spending a lot of time at home."

"I'm coming with you," Edward demanded finally standing.

I was about to argue but suddenly Alice turned on him. "No! You're staying right where the hell you are!" she hissed stalking forward to poke a tiny finger into his chest and Edward actually looked afraid for one second. "I've had just about enough out of you today, Edward. You're my brother, and I love you dearly—always have, always will—but your pessimistic ways are out of control, and I can still see you pushing her over the edge if you don't _stop_ and listen to me right now." His eyes were wide as he stared down at her. "_Capisce?_" There was silence for a long moment but before Edward ever tried to respond, Alice once again whirled on her heel and stormed past me and out the door.

"I guess I'll see you all later on tonight then," I muttered, walking to hug Renesmee tightly. "I love you," I murmured pulling away before leaning to ruffle Jacob's hair playfully. "Later, Jake."

"Sure, sure, Bells." He grinned, his eyes sliding to something behind me.

I turned to look to where Edward stood watching me with pain filled eyes. My chest heaved silently, as I slowly went to stop before him. I wasn't immune to him, no matter how angry I was. I loved him with everything that I had in me, but I knew that I had to remain firm, the way he had tried to do when he had left me, for my own good.

"I love you," I whispered, pushing up on my toes to press my lips to his in a soft kiss. I felt his cool palms slide up my arms, but before he could deepen the kiss I wrenched myself free. I knew I had to leave before my will caved to my need for him, as painful as it was, I knew that the time apart was needed. I was afraid of my desperation to be with him. As I walked away I felt the ache in my chest begin to bloom again. It went against everything in me to leave him standing there, staring after me. I wanted to be in his arms—to tell him that I loved him in a million different ways, but Edward's fear for my soul and not his own was excruciatingly painful to see. Did he not understand that his soul was just as precious to me? I had more faith in him than he did, and somehow I had to make him see it too.

Alice was waiting for me outside in a sleek black car that I didn't recognize. The fog was still swirling eerily over the ground as I made my way through it to slide into the passenger seat.

"This is a very modest car for you, Alice." I teased as she pulled away from the house. I hoped that her vampire vision could see through the fog because I could barely see the hood of the car through it, it even blocked out any sunlight overhead.

"It's Jazz's," she grinned. "Well, we share. He said it was a more believable car for a teenager to have than my Porsche." Her face brightened then. "Speaking of my favorite sports car—they came out with a 60th anniversary edition of the 911 Turbo two years ago that is _really _similar to the one that Edward bought me—Jazz ordered a custom one that he's going to give me for Christmas."

"You're shameless," I laughed. "Does he ever get you a gift that you don't know about?"

"He manages to surprise me sometimes," she sighed wistfully.

I was silent then as I stared out through the swirling whiteness, my thoughts becoming a snarl as I remembered the look on Edward's face when I had let go of his hand in the entryway the night before, then the image of his face right before Jacob had carried me from the cottage and finally the look he'd given me before I had kissed him good-bye.

"Alice?"

She sighed then, her tiny mouth pressing into a hard line. "I don't know if he's going to be okay or not, Bella. I know that's what you were going to ask me. His future was constantly changing before last night, flickering in and out of focus, I think because he was starting to really give up. I can see that he won't do anything to hurt himself now, as long as you're alive, but as far as his reactions to things when you're away from him, I can't tell you how that will go yet."

"Is he ever going to get over his refusal to change me?" I murmured as my eyes fell to my lap.

She frowned, narrowing her eyes as she stared out the windshield. "You know him better than I do, even without knowing his future, so you and I both understand that Edward doesn't just get over things right away. You know he's still broken from losing you."

"Yes, I do," I whispered.

"His sanity is fragile right now, I don't know if you two being apart will make that worse or not, but compared to what I saw you doing after your fight in the cottage, anything else is a better option." Her voice was stiff as she spoke.

"What did you see?" I asked timidly.

"You, being idiotic, and trying to put yourself in danger so that he would be forced to change you," she muttered sourly. "Which honestly doesn't surprise me, but I think that it really caught Edward off guard when I showed it to him. Watching you almost die in my visions over and over again honestly scared any argument he had right out of him, I think." She smirked at that. "He can try and fool the others and you into thinking that he will do anything possible to keep you human, but I've seen what he'll do. Not once in any of my visions did he use changing you as a last resort to save you—it was always the first thing he did." She turned her golden eyes on me then. "So yes—to answer your _real_ question—you are going to end up just like us again one day. I just can't tell if Edward _will_ be the one to do it or not." She frowned and that made me frown too.

"I don't want it to be anyone but him," I whispered.

"Dammit!" She hissed suddenly slamming on the breaks and I threw out my hands to brace myself against the dashboard as the car's tires slid on the gravel before we came to a full stop and pale hands were suddenly gripping the front of the car. "Get out of my way, Edward," she growled, glaring menacingly out the windshield.

The sound of his name made my heart begin the pound harder than it had been already. I squinted trying to make out his shape, my eyes always hungry to see him.

"Just let me talk to her." His musical voice pleaded. "She's _my_ wife, Alice." I could almost make him out with the bright headlights shining on him. Behind him I could see where the fog brightened indicating that we were close to the mouth of the Cullen's driveway.

I sighed. "Forget it," I muttered. "I'll walk." I unbuckled my seat belt and opened the door before she could protest, stepping out to slam it shut again before I stormed past him where he watched me.

"Bella, wait!" He called catching up to my brisk stride with ease to fall into step beside me. I ignored him and continued stomping angrily across the gravel, stumbling once. His cool hand was immediately at my elbow, keeping me upright, but I jerked my arm out of his grasp angrily, refusing to acknowledge him. "Please, Bella, don't leave me," he pleaded in a low voice.

"Why?" I lashed out sharply throwing him a sidelong glare. "So _you_ can leave _me_? I don't think so," I spat.

I was almost to the road when he stopped walking, startling me. I paused to look at him where he was staring after me with a look of anguish washing over his face. He needed to know that I was serious. I waited for a few seconds as I stared into his eyes as they filled with so much pain that it finally made me bite my lip and turn away, walking until I could feel smooth pavement beneath my feet.

And then he spoke very softly, his words nearly making my heart rip itself from my chest. "Do you not want to be with me anymore? Is that why you're leaving me?"

I sighed and turned slowly to peer at him through the fog. "Of course, I want to be with you. Haven't you been paying attention to anything that we've been arguing about all morning?" I whispered. "I want to be with you forever, and that's the problem, Edward, you don't want to be with me that long. One lifetime is evidently enough for you." I held up a hand to keep him from coming any closer when I saw him begin to move towards me, as I suddenly heard a strange humming noise in the distance. "Edward, I just need some space okay? I need some…time. I'm hurt and confused and this has all been a little too much…even for me, okay? I'm not _leaving _you, I'm leaving _here_." The weird humming noise was getting closer, becoming a sharp buzzing. "I do love you, but you're going to have to accept the fact that I am going to be like you—whether you like it or not," I sighed taking a slow step backwards to put some more space between us. "So please," I sighed taking another step away from him. "Let me go, for now."

"Bella, watch out!" Alice's cry of alarm came barely a few seconds before the volume of the loud buzzing sound increased exponentially and it was suddenly a harsh roar coming from directly to the right of me. I blinked in fear into Edward's now horror filled face before I turned to look towards the sound. I was frozen as a green car appeared through the fog coming around the bend in the road with blinding speed, heading straight towards me. I knew immediately that I wouldn't be able to get out of the way in time.

I clenched my eyes shut, bracing for the impact when I felt something hard slam into me from another direction, knocking me sideways. I hit the ground with a harsh smack before the momentum tumbled and rolled my body a few feet away. I listened for the sound of a wreck, but it never came as my head hit the wet pavement with a resounding thud. I clenched my teeth against the pain and winced as I skidded to a halt, scraping the palms of my hands in my attempt to stop. I stayed pressed to the ground, breathing heavily as I listened as the sound of the car faded in the distance.

A few seconds later Edward's voice was in my ear, murmuring frantically. "Bella? Are you hurt?"

"No," I mumbled when I felt him at my side as I attempted to push up and away from where I'd landed in the other lane of the road.

"Slowly," he whispered anxiously as he helped me sit up.

I hissed in pain when the wet pavement stung my scraped palms. "I'm okay," I groaned sharply sucking in a gulp of air. "I just hit my head." I pressed a palm to the throbbing at my forehead as I got to my knees, keeping one palm to the ground to steady myself. Edward was kneeling before me then, his anxious eyes searching my face as his cool palms cradled it between them. "Did the driver even see us?" I gasped breathing harshly.

"No," his voice was low as his wide golden eyes washed over my face, "They were going too fast for them to see anything, and they weren't even looking at the road." His eyes were frantic still. "I thought I was going to lose you," he whispered making my chest tighten. "I don't know how I didn't hear the car coming." His brows puckered in confusion. I was still trying to grasp for air. Slowly, something on his face changed, an odd look of suspicion crossing his expression. "Bella, were you trying to get hit by that car?"

"Honestly, Edward," I muttered irritably. "Do I look suicidal to you?" He studied my expression for a long moment. "Besides," I began muttering under my breath, "It's not suicide if I end up as a vampire."

He shot me a sharp look at he continued to study me. "No," he finally answered, "You don't look suicidal…but you did earlier."

The reminder made me stiffen. "Yeah, well, I wonder why?" I bit back sarcastically. His face darkened before a look of guilt washed over it, and he lowered his eyes to the ground. Relief made me suddenly hysterical as laughter bubbled up out of me and his eyes shot back to my face. "What is it with you and I, and near death experiences with cars within the first week of being around each other?" I giggled.

His eyes were still tight but I saw his lips twitch at the corners. "I don't know, perhaps it's just your astoundingly bad luck."

Back luck that would eventually get me killed.

I raised a brow at him slowly. "You know," I murmured, giving him a hard look. "Car accidents wouldn't be a problem, if you changed me."

"No," he growled angrily. "Car accidents won't ever be a problem, period, because I won't let anything hurt you." No, he wouldn't let anything hurt me, not physically anyway, but emotionally…

I narrowed my eyes at him. "And how will you protect me when you're not with me? What if something happens then?" I raised a brow at him.

"I'm not leaving your side no matter what you say. I've been without you for longer than I can stand already. I can't do it anymore, so please don't make me," he begged.

"If you're so convinced that you don't have a soul, what do you think will happen when I die Edward? We won't be together then either." I reminded him. "Why can't we both just never die, and be together forever? Why don't you want that?"

"You think I don't wish for that every second of my existence? To be with you forever?" he whispered, his beautiful eyes staring at me with desperation. "We had that Bella, remember? And you still died. I've spent a century repenting for my sins," he murmured. "If I take your soul again, and you are taken from me once more, there's no guarantee that you'll come back to me and I don't know if I can survive without you again. I don't know how I'll live without you. I don't know how I managed it as long as I already did."

"I'll always find a way to come back to you," I vowed in a soft voice.

"You can't know that," he sighed shaking his head. "And if I can't be with you afterwards, I still have to know that you'll go somewhere better. I _have_ to know that, Bella."

"Edward, you still don't understand," I whispered. "There is no better place for me without you."

"Yes, there is. You'll see."

I wanted to scream at him but I reined it in as Alice's words came back to me. "_He can try and fool the others and you into thinking that he will do anything possible to keep you human, but I've seen what he'll do. Not once in any of my visions did he use changing you as a last resort to save you—it was always the first thing he did._"

With those words looping through my mind my voice came out in a deathly whisper. "No. Maybe the next time a car almost hits me, I'll make sure that it _doesn't_ miss." I threatened. "And then _you'll see_."

His eyes looked wide and horrified for a short moment before he reigned in his fear. He sighed, pressing his lips together. "Bella, don't be ridiculous. I really don't want to argue about this right now. I need to get you back to Carlisle and make sure that I didn't—"

His voice evaporated suddenly and I gasped as a blaze of images flashed in my mind. At first it looked like I was watching us from outside my body, seeing where we were huddled together on the ground still, just as a another car swerved into view from the opposite direction of the first one. I watched as Edward tried to move us out of the way but then something strange happened, I managed to twist out of his grasp at the last second, holding still and bracing myself as the car sped forward about to crush me.

I could hear Edward's frantic voice come back into focus as my vision finally cleared just before I actually witnessed the impact of the car. "Bella? What is it? What's wrong?"

"Edward!" Alice screamed from far away just as over Edward's shoulder, the first part of my vision came true. "Stop her!" A black car came streaking through the wisps of fog—too close for Edward to pull us out of the way this time due to the delay of my vision, which gave me no time whatsoever to even try to decide to put myself in its path. My decision had been made for me.

Edward's eyes went wide in horror. "No!" He snarled, and is arms were suddenly curling around me, pulling me protectively close to his chest, and I felt his whole body harden seconds before I felt the impact and there was an eruption of noise. Edward's body rocked slightly forward with me in his arms before there was a sharp squeal of tires, an explosion of metal, groaning as it crunched and twisted all around us. I felt something slice my arm through the fabric of my hoodie, glass shattering, tinkling as it hit Edward's skin, when the car finally shuddered to a stop.

There were soft hisses of air, I could hear the dripping of fluid followed by a sizzling sound, and I could smell the scent of gas as it leaked onto the pavement. I couldn't move, locked against Edward's chest, my face pressed into the space above his heart.

I could hear him murmuring softly, over and over again something low that I couldn't make out. There was a groan of metal and more glass, followed by the sputtering cough of the driver as they crawled from the car and then the smack of their body hitting the ground. There was a soft moan of pain and then another cough.

"Bella!" I could hear Alice's voice hissing softly, somewhere near us frantically, but I couldn't turn my body to see her.

"I'm here, Alice." I tried to call softly against the fabric of Edward's shirt so that only she could hear but it was muffled. I concentrated on her. "_I can't move_."

"Sir, are you injured?" I could hear Alice's voice as she spoke calmly to the driver.

"N-no, I'm okay…I think." It was a younger man, his voice trembling as he answered.

"Momma!" Renesmee's shriek of terror made my eyes fly wide open in surprise making me groan inwardly. _So much for not drawing the driver's attention to us_.

"Bells!" came Jacob's booming voice seconds later. "We heard the crash! Are you all right?" I tried to push against Edward's chest but he wasn't budging.

"Edward!" I could hear Esme in the distance.

"Edward, where's Bella?" Carlisle's voice called.

I groaned and put all of my weight into twisting in Edward's arms until I could press my cheek against his cool neck, freeing my face enough to speak unhindered. "Stay back!" I hissed in warning them all keeping my voice low. "I sliced my arm on something." I heard several sharp intakes of breath then.

"Bells, I can't see you through the smoke, where are you?" I blinked then and tried to twist my head, I managed to blink through a space between Edward's arms to see the mangled metal of the car surrounding us, and there were wires and pipes and all sorts of strange engine parts sticking out around us.

"Uh…I think we're where the engine is supposed to be," I muttered.

"Emmett, help me pry them loose," Jacob whispered urgently.

I heard the groaning of metal, and slowly the space around us opened up as the steam from the engine cleared.

I blinked up into Emmett and Jacob's startled eyes through the cage of Edward's arms. "He won't let me go," I muttered.

They reached for me but a low growl rumbled from Edward's chest making them jump back before he began muttering something that was once again too soft for my human ears to make out. Emmett and Jacob exchanged a strange look before they turned to look at something beyond us.

"What is he talking about?" I heard Rosalie then, and the soft click of heels on the pavement before she appeared next to them. When her eyes slid to mine and Edward's entwined bodies her eyes widened. "What in the hell happened to him?" I blinked in confusion at that.

"Uh, he had a car wrapped around him, that's what happened," I muttered.

"No," she gasped, shaking her head, her long blond hair swaying around her face. "The look on his face…" She trailed off then. That made panic start to bloom in my stomach.

"_I'll_ tell you what happened," Alice snarled, and I could hear her storming towards us. "I warned him, but he was bound and determined to be a stubborn pain in the ass and continue insisting that she remain human. So Bella tried to force his hand, just like I knew she would!" she hissed angrily.

"I didn't—" I started to protest.

"I _saw you_ _try_ in my vision," she accused me with a growl. "Edward may have stopped you before you had a chance to actually go through with it, but you were going to." Her eyes tightened. "And now that he's seen how far you'll go, its damn well made him snap!"

"What?" I gasped trying to push away to see his face but Edward tightened his arms with every movement like a boa constrictor. I felt a sharp pain when his marble arms tightened against the slice above my elbow. "Edward, let me go! You're hurting me!" I cried out in pain.

His arms began to loosen slowly, before he stood, lifting me in his arms. When there was enough space I sucked in a deep gulp of air to breathe, before twisting my arm to inspect the damage. Through the tear in the sleeve of my hoodie I could see a large gash slicing upwards from my elbow towards my shoulder, blood trickled slowly down my arm, beginning to bloom across the fabric. I eyed the others warily, and everyone but Jacob took a step backwards but they weren't looking at my arm, they were looking at Edward's face.

Jacob snorted derisively at him. "Don't look at me like that—there is nothing appealing about her blood to me."

I followed his line of sight, pulling back carefully until I could see Edward's face, and my heart thudded to an immediate halt in my chest. He looked like he was being burned alive again, the bruises beneath his eyes suddenly more prominent—his golden gaze blazed, half crazed and hysterical, as he glared at the others, daring them to come closer.

"Edward…" I whispered softly but another voice pulled my attention away.

"Sir, please calm down. I'm a doctor, and I need to examine you for injuries," Carlisle's voice was patient and smooth but there was an underlying current of anxiety beneath it. I leaned forward until I could see Carlisle as he rested his palms slowly on the stranger's arms. He was kneeling before the man who was sitting on the ground off to the side of the road. Jasper had one hand on his shoulder as Esme and Renesmee stood close by watching the exchange. The fog had lifted enough for me to make out the man's features, and of course it did. Right when we needed everything to be concealed the most, it became visible. Sounded like my crappy luck. He looked to be in his early twenties, shortly cropped light brown hair, and light eyes, a slight shadow of stubble along his jaw.

He shook Carlisle's hands away before he pointed a finger at Edward, his eyes wide with shock. "He doesn't even have a scratch on him…and my car!" His eyes swung to the side making me follow his gaze to look over Edward's shoulder and my eyes went wide. Behind us, I could see the remains of the Acura, the hood was bunched and folded like an accordion up against the shattered windshield, and all of its internal parts had been mashed together and shoved back into the passenger side of the cab. The front wheel wells were bent outward awkwardly from where Jacob and Emmet had pried Edward and I loose from their trappings.

Horror flooded through me.

He'd seen everything.

I tried to twist out of Edward's arms then—thinking that I had to do something to help—but they tightened around me making my eyes fly to his. "Edward," I said in a low serious voice. "Let me down so that I can talk to him."

He shook his head, panic flaring in his eyes. "No."

"Let me go, _now_," I demanded piercing him with a hard stare.

"No, you're going to try to leave me." He made a strangled noise in his throat and fear prickled along my scalp.

He really had snapped. I was going to have to handle this delicately.

"No, I'm not." I assured him softly. "I'm just walking to the side of the road. It's probably safer for me anyway, that I get away from oncoming traffic," I reasoned. He didn't let me go, but he moved then, walking with me in his arms to the side of the road by where the others stood. I rolled my eyes. "Down, Edward," I murmured touching his cheek, focusing as I thought of comfort and calm to ease his anxiety. When he still didn't let me go, I focused on how much I loved him, how I would do anything to make him happy. Slowly, his arms lowered and he allowed me to slip to my feet. I remained touching his cheek. "I'm not going far, you'll be able to see me the whole time," I whispered.

He finally nodded, but there was still a panicked edge to his eyes as I turned away, his hand following me desperately, almost unable to let me go as I went to walk to where Carlisle was kneeling, squatting beside him. The stranger was watching me warily.

"_Let me talk to him_," I thought to them as I gave Carlisle a soft nod before my eyes went to Jasper's and they both backed away carefully.

"I'm Bella," I said softly turning my eyes to the stranger, as I reached out to offer the man my hand. "What's your name?"

"Matthew. Matthew Griggs," he answered taking it and as soon as his hand touched mine I focused the same calm on him as I had Edward.

"Matthew," I murmured softly. "Your car caught me on my arm. See?" I raised my left arm to show him the gash before I motioned to Edward who was watching me as if he were waiting for the first chance to snatch me back up. "He pulled me out of the way."

Matthew was already shaking his head wildly, shaking off the calm. "No! I hit him, I saw it!" His eyes flickered to the mangled car before he looked at Edward again with fear in his eyes. "He was holding you when I hit him!" Okay, so maybe I still wasn't any better at lying anymore than I was the first lifetime around.

I looked back at Emmet, Alice, Jacob and Rosalie then. "_Move his car off the road now, before anyone else sees it_," I thought urgently and they suddenly looked startled.

"Bella, what are you—" Emmett began to protest.

"Do it!" I hissed. "_Alice, I know how much you love to fabricate evidence. Make it look like he hit a tree or something._" I thought turning my eyes to her.

They hesitated for a second but then nodded. Alice and Rosalie began darting around to gather the debris of the car as Emmet and Jacob walked to lift the car by what remained of the front end.

I looked at Carlisle, Jasper, Esme and Renesmee then. "_Step back, now_," I warned them. "_I don't know how this works but I don't want you to be affected too_."

"What are you going to do?" Carlisle whispered.

"I'm going to try to fix this," I whispered. They looked confused but then their eyes went wide as they complied. There was a sharp groan of metal as Emmett and Jacob twisted the car around behind me, rolling it forward towards the woods.

"NO!" Matthew's voice shrieked making me look at him. "What are you all doing?! What is going on? How are they doing that? Get away from me!" He tried to crawl backwards then.

"Matthew!" I said his name sharply reaching out to capture his face between my hands frantically before he could get away. I heard Edward issue a low warning growl letting me know that he didn't like what was happening just as Matthew's eyes snapped back to mine, and he suddenly froze. "You didn't _see_ anything." There was a strange current in my voice as I spoke and I watched as his eyes slowly became unfocused, feeling my skin tingle. "The fog was too thick," I murmured. "You didn't see what happened." I felt a strange electricity hum along my skin, and I suddenly felt a numbness seeping into my fingertips where I touched him. "You don't…remember…_anything_," I whispered as the numbness continued to spread up my arms slowly, until it suddenly started to fade from my fingertips. His eyes remained out of focus as I heard a sharp crack followed by the crash of a falling tree. There were small scrapes of sound, the twist and clatter of metal and then out of the corner of my eye I saw the others making their way back towards us. "Is it done?"

Alice nodded with a grimace as she flitted beside us. "It's not my best work but it's passable with the limited time I had." Her eyes fell to Matthew's blank expression. "Did you just…erase his memory?" I let my hands drop from Matthew's face then.

"I don't know," I whispered, glancing at Edward briefly. His eyes were trained on my face, still wearing the same look of torture as before. I looked back at Carlisle. "You and I should be here when he comes out of it, but the others should leave. There's no reason for this many people to be out here." Carlisle nodded but I heard Edward make a strangled moaning noise. "Emmett!" I said sharply. "Make him go." Emmett made a move to grasp Edward's arm but he escaped him easily, slipping away each time he tried to reach for him his eyes never leaving mine.

"Edward, please," I pleaded urgently.

"Let me stay with you," he begged, his eyes haunted as Emmett tried to grab the back of his shirt. Emmett was suddenly grasping empty space as Edward once again evaded him

I rolled my eyes and looked at the others. "The rest of you help him." With Alice able to see his moves as he decided them, and Jasper calming him, Renesmee, Esme, Rosalie, Jacob and Emmett were finally able to surround him.

"Bella, please!" Edward pleaded, slipping between a small break in their circle, falling to his knees beside me, burying his face in my lap. I was frozen in shock as I stared down at where he trembled against my thighs. The others froze too, unsure of what to do. Watching my husband falling apart at the seams in front of me, unhinged every part of me. It was so unlike Edward. Everything about him was unlike him. For the few short moments when I had woken in his arms earlier in the cottage, he had seemed to be back to his old self, but that had been the calm before the storm. I realized that now. I let my fingers trail through his smooth strands of bronze hair, smoothing the hair back at his forehead to the nape of his neck as my other palm softly trailed down his back and he moaned. I bent to press a kiss to the back of his neck.

"Edward," I whispered. "Let me handle this right now." He made a noise of pain. "A few more minutes apart." I pleaded. "I'll be at the house soon. Carlisle will be with me, nothing is going to happen. I won't leave, I promise." I sighed. "And when I get back, I won't leave again, not without you." He slowly lifted his head to meet my eyes, his gaze filled with the pain of a thousand deaths all out once.

"Please, please, Bella, don't leave me. Don't leave me again. I can't live without you. Not again." I could hear invisible tears in his voice then.

I leaned to press my lips to his then. "I'm sorry I tried to force you, Edward. That was wrong," I whispered against his lips. "Will you please just wait for me at the house? At least so he won't see you? Wait with the others. I'll be there in a minute. Please?" His eyes began to grow even more tortured. "I'm not going anywhere," I whispered reaching up to stroke his smooth cheek. "Not…without…you."

He must have seen the truth in my eyes because his body sagged in defeat allowing the others to reach out to tug him with them back towards the unmarked drive. I watched them drag him away, his expression knotting my insides as he stared at me as if he were watching me die all over again, until they were out of sight. When I looked back, Carlisle was staring at me. "What?"

"Bella, I love you, I do. I meant what I said about you being like a daughter to me." There was a firmness in his voice that hinted to his oncoming rebuke. "But, I think I should tell you that I fear for Edward's sanity when he's away from you. I've never seen him like this before. When he lost you, he was cold—detached and without any feeling. Every time he thinks he's losing you now…" He couldn't even finish the words.

"I know," I whispered guiltily. "It's not easy being away from him for me either, Carlisle, but I don't know what else to do."

"He's not in his right mind at all."

"I can see that."

"Please, for me, keep yourself safe from now on. It would hurt us all to lose you, you do realize that?" His face was full of sorrow. "And to lose Edward, as well…"

"That won't happen," I shook my head. "I'll be safe. I promise."

"Thank you," he whispered before his eyes slid back to Matthew where he still stared blankly ahead. "Did you know that you could do this, Bella?"

"I had an idea, but I wasn't sure," I answered. "There have been times in the past when I would wish that someone would forget something and it would happen. I didn't know I could control it."

"How many abilities is that now?"

"I've lost count," I muttered.

"Did you really use Jane's ability earlier, to stop the fight?" His face slid into the smooth unreadable mask that told me that he was hiding something.

"Edward seems to think so," I whispered.

"So, let's assume that he is correct." He crossed his arms as he studied me going into his inquisitive scientific mode. "You're able to display abilities that are not currently present now, but that you were touched by at one point or another in your past life." I blinked at that. "Perhaps that is why you were able to see so much of Edward's memories, because it was something that Aro was able to do, and your powers seem to be stronger when you're near Edward." I thought about that.

"That's what it seems like." I nodded.

"Does that mean that you can use anyone's ability? Like Kate's electricity or Alec's paralyzing powers?"

"I honestly don't know," I said with blunt surprise. "I never thought about it before now, and I don't think I've ever used them before."

His eyes slid back to Matthew. "How long does this usually take?"

"There isn't a 'usual' time frame," I laughed nervously. "It's always happened by accident." I waved my hand in front of Matthew's face, but there was no reaction. "Hey!" I said loudly snapping my fingers.

It startled me when he suddenly blinked, his features suddenly reanimating. He groaned and reached up to grip his head. "What the—" He pulled away to look up at us. "Where am I?"

Carlisle kneeled beside him then. "I'm Dr. Cullen, this is Bella." He indicated me. "You've been in a car accident." He pointed towards where the others had convincingly wrapped the car around a large tree that was now snapped in two. The fog had dissipated enough that a mile down the long stretch of roads was visible. Matthew gasped. "I live close by and heard the accident. You must have crawled out. You were sitting here when we found you. Do you remember what happened?" Carlisle's eyes slid to mine nervously.

Matthew's face scrunched in concentration before he shook his head dizzily. "No, I just remember driving through the fog and then…nothing."

"You probably swerved to miss a deer." I commented trying to sound convincing.

"What's your name?" Carlisle asked carefully. I felt fear flooded me. I hoped I hadn't erased all of his memory.

"Matthew, my name's Matthew," he muttered and I tried to squelch my sigh of relief.

"Are you hurt, Matthew?"

"I don't think so." His eyes swung to his car then. "I can't believe I survived that."

"Seatbelts are nifty like that." I smiled at him. He rubbed his chest then.

"I'm sort of sore," Matthew commented.

"I'll call for an ambulance for you." Carlisle nodded pulling out his phone. "We should probably notify the Forks Police that there's been a wreck," he murmured, his eyes sliding to me then.

I sucked in a soft breath.

_Charlie_.

"Bella, why don't you go back to the house?" Carlisle's voice pulled me back. "I'll wait here and explain everything to them." I nodded, and numbly got to my feet. They felt like spaghetti.

"I hope you'll be okay," I mumbled. Matthew nodded, before looking back at his car. Carlisle's gaze caught mine one last time before I headed back towards the mouth of the drive in a daze.

As soon as I was out of Matthew's line of sight and I was safe within the cover of the surrounding trees I felt someone beside me. Alice matched my steps evenly, her small frame stiff as she stared straight ahead, her arms crossed.

I sighed. "You're mad."

"Yep." That one word made guilt wash through me.

"Alice—" I started to apologize but she suddenly wheeled around to face me pinning me with a hard look and I instantly shut my mouth.

"I haven't even had you back for one full day and you're already trying to off yourself. You think Edward is the only one affected by watching you die over and over again in my visions?" The tightness around her eyes told me enough.

"I wasn't trying to _off myself_." I ground out.

"Oh, really?" She raised a challenging brow at me. "Getting flattened by a car isn't going to leave your heart beating long enough for any of us to change you, you know?" she pointed out in a stern voice.

"Okay," I admitted sheepishly. "The thought crossed my mind, but I changed it the second I thought it through." She continued to stare at me with no change in her expression.

"Your powers are getting dangerous, Bella." She said suddenly with a strange anxious edge to her voice. "I don't even think you realize what you did back there."

That confused me. "What do you mean? Erasing his memory?" I glanced back towards where I could still see part of the road.

"No. I mean all of it." The weight her words held made me look back at her. She sighed and shook her head. "There are too many things that we don't know about your abilities, and obviously you don't know them either. You're using your abilities and you don't even realize it."

"I knew what I was doing!"

"No, you didn't!" She hissed angrily but immediately fought to reign in her anger and calm down. I saw it in the way that she settled her body down, forcing herself to relax and took a slow breath. "Do you remember Edward mentioning a woman named Bellari last night?" She asked very carefully. "The one who shielded us from being heard when we attacked Volterra?" I nodded. "I didn't make the connection at first until I heard you talking to Carlisle a minute ago." I felt confusion fill me.

"What connection?"

"That you're using other powers without even realizing it—powers that you don't even realize that you have." She fought to remain calm as she said it.

"What powers?" I asked in confusion.

She gave me a reproachful look. "You remember what vampire hearing is like. Do you honestly think that Edward and I normally would miss the sound of an oncoming vehicle, Bella?"

Her meaning clicked into place then.

"I kept you both from being able to hear them," I whispered horrified.

"Yes, and what's worse is that you did it subconsciously." Her eyes held mine firmly. "You have to consider from now on that you may have the ability of every single vampire that you've ever met."

I felt suddenly overwhelmed. "What if I've met vampires with abilities that they never used around me? How can I even recognize them?"

"You probably won't," she said bluntly. "You've probably even used some of them already." I felt my jaw drop at that. "And that's my point!" she railed. "It's why from now on you are going to have to be mindful of everything you think and feel. Next time you get angry at someone if you aren't careful you might accidentally tap into Benjamin's powers and cause an earthquake or zap them with Jane's pain or something worse. If you aren't more careful you may even unconsciously erase someone's memory and completely wipe their entire life away. I know what it's like to not remember anything that happened to me, Bella, and I don't wish that on anyone."

I felt suddenly numb. "What if I _can't_ control it?"

"That's my other point." She sighed reaching up to rub her temples.

"Other point?"

"Because of your shield from your previous life, I think it's blocking me from searching your future." She seemed pained then. "I can only see drastic events involving you that will affect me. Jazz even said that he's tried to influence your emotions several times since last night and it only seems to work when he's touching you. I think you may have gotten that part right, about our abilities not working on you anymore. You're immune." She glanced up at me worriedly. "Which means I can't watch out for you the way I used to be able to, and so I hope that Carlisle isn't right." I had no idea what she was referring to and I guess she saw the silent question on my face. "About your abilities being stronger the closer you are to Edward."

Horror filled me then. "So…are you saying that when I'm around Edward…that I'm…more dangerous?"

"Yes and no," she sighed sadly. "I just know that when it comes to him your abilities are magnified. They work best on him."

I had to reach up to grip my head suddenly because I felt like my brain was going to explode. "I can't even process this right now."

"When the others were taking Edward back to the house and Jazz and I were returning the car he told me about the hallucinations that Edward had about you. He sort of filled me in on what I missed." She started walking again and I followed numbly. "It reminded me of Belinda's ability and how she used it to lure you to the Volturi."

"But Edward said that her abilities only worked over small distances," I reminded her. "And I was in Chicago and Edward was over two thousand miles away. That's not a small distance, Alice."

"But its Edward that you're connected to and Edward that you were using it on, Bella!" she hissed anxiously flashing me a sharp look. "You made him see what he needed to see. I don't think there is a limit to how far you two can connect to one another Bella, after all, he reached out to you, too."

I remembered the dreams I'd had. "So when we're together I have to focus harder on controlling everything?"

"It seems that way doesn't it?" She gave me a sad smile. "Especially now."

"What does that mean?" I asked defensively.

"You'll see when we get to the house," she whispered nodding up the drive. "I don't think that you're more out of control when you're around him, I actually think you're more focused, and that's why you're abilities are so much stronger. You don't seem to have to focus as hard to mentally speak to us when he's around. You're mental voice is clearer when he's close to you. Before it sounded more like bad radio reception when you talked, but when you're with him it's perfectly clear."

"Why didn't you mention it before?" I muttered.

"You um, had more important things to focus on last night when I noticed it. You know, like making my brother realize that you were actually alive." She reminded me pointedly. "And I don't think he's really grasped that fact fully yet, just overnight." She eyed me nervously suddenly. "It's why he's been muttering incoherently and pacing non-stop since we got him back to the house."

I stopped walking then. "Alice," I said with a warning in my voice. "What aren't you telling me?"

She stopped too then but she paused for a long moment before turning to face me. "When we left you in Forks that September," she began grimacing when she saw the way that I flinched at the reminded. It was unnerving the way that memory still haunted me. "I promised Edward that I wouldn't look for you, but I was so in tune with you, Bella, that it was nearly impossible not to. I would get flashes of you in my head all the time. I saw what us leaving did to you." She frowned at that. "That's what this is like for Edward now. It's like it sucks the life right out of him every time you aren't with him, because he remembers what he did to you."

"But I never blamed him for how I reacted to losing you all. It wasn't his fault that I barely coped with it. Yeah, it was a stupid plan on his part, but he meant well, he was trying to protect me. I understand that. I don't blame him still for it!" I pleaded with her.

"I know, Bella, I know," she sighed softly. "But he still blames himself. When you let go of his hand last night and he asked you if you were punishing him—that's what he thinks every single time you leave him. He thinks he deserves for you to do to him what he did to you. That's how he sees it. He still feels the pain of being without you for the past seventeen years and he somehow thinks that he deserved it."

"No one deserves that," I said between my teeth.

"No kidding," she spat sarcastically. "But when you left the cottage earlier and I stayed with him, he was the same way." She rolled her eyes in irritation suddenly. "Whatever Jake was purposefully remembering right before he carried you off probably didn't help," she muttered darkly. "Edward doesn't think that his time with you is going to last, he keeps waiting for it to be ripped away from him again. I think he thinks that turning you will cause him to lose you faster. He somehow equates you being one of us to you dying because he's watched you die twice because of it. He said as much."

I glared at her although my anger wasn't directed at her. "That's because he's a masochist."

"You think?" she muttered smartly.

"Hey," I grumbled. "I'm supposed to be the sarcastic one here."

"Yeah, well, between you, Jake and Nessie it's rubbing off on me." She laughed shaking her head.

We were silent then as we continued towards the house, I felt less on edge the closer we got. I chewed on my lip as I turned our conversation over in my head. "So, what do you think I should do Alice?"

"Honestly, as much as I pride myself on usually having all of the answers, I'm drawing a blank at this point, Bella. I thought your tough love strategy that Jazz told me about was a good idea, but now I'm not so sure. I thought you two getting some space would be a good thing because this has all been a lot to take in, especially for you, but now I'm wondering if you two being apart isn't more harmful than helpful. I think Nessie is the only one handling this better than she should be."

That made me look at her. "She was born into a very strange world, she's been processing the abnormal and unexplainable since birth, and since her emotional state hasn't been frozen so she's able to adapt." I shrugged. "It's still so hard to wrap my head around the fact that I have a daughter," I whispered shaking my head. "I missed so much of her life."

"She'll share it with you once all of this has calmed down," Alice assured me gently. "I think she's just content with having you and Edward back at this point. You would think that she would have turned out to be a spoiled brat from growing up being the center of attention," Alice grinned wryly. "But I think you shaped her character during her formative years that she had with you. She has your humility without your insecurity, and your need to be self-sacrificing without all of the rash decision making that causes you to go to extremes," she teased. "She's the perfect balance of the best parts of you and Edward. She's perceptive and intelligent, like you both, protective the same way that Edward is and cautious. Her capacity for love is just as powerful as the both of yours. She appreciates the small things the way Edward always has and she has a wit that rivals you both." I could hear the affection in Alice's voice as she spoke. "After losing both you and Edward, she's one of the only things that made us feel like a family anymore, as sad as that sounds. We lost so much in losing you both and sometimes she was the only thing that kept us coming back together," she was frowning as she stared at the ground but her expression shifted to a soft smile as she turned to look at me. "Thank you for giving me the chance to be an Aunt, and Jazz the chance to be an Uncle, and blessing us both with such a wonderful niece."

I smiled warmly at her about to respond but I heard police sirens in the distance making panic flood through me.

"Charlie!" I hissed freezing in place.

"Charlie's retired, Bella," she reminded me drolly.

"Oh," I gasped. "I forgot. It's so hard to remember things like that." I admitted sheepishly, embarrassed for getting so worked up about it. "I'm going to have to tell him eventually…and Renee."

"Let's worry about one thing at a time," she sighed as we entered the clearing to the house, and she was glaring suddenly.

"What are you hearing?" I asked worriedly.

"Oh, nothing, Edward's just been trying to piss everyone off so that they'll let their guard down and he can escape to come find you," she muttered darkly. "He's using desperate measures. He threatened to smash Rosalie's car if she didn't get out of his way evidently and she's seriously contemplating ripping his head off if he even tries. Emmett and Renesmee have been playing peacekeepers for the most part but eventually Jazz had to finally emotionally sedate him." She grimaced then as we neared the front porch. "He almost practically tore the whole place apart and then he and Jacob almost went for another round right there in the living room. Esme is not happy with him right now."

The door swung open then and Emmett appeared grinning. "Yeah, but that fight didn't last long," he said with a low chuckle as he leaned against the wall by the door, his arms crossed. "All Nessie had to do was mention how upset it would make you and they backed off. I'll have to keep her on speed dial for next time Rose gets mad at me." I ignored him as he held the door open for us.

"What was that Emmett?" I heard Rosalie call out.

"I was just teasing, babe," he chuckled following in behind us.

"My mood swings are nothing compared to Edwards," she muttered. "He's worse than a girl."

Jacob's derisive snort echoed from the living room. "They really should make Prozac for vampires," he chuckled before groaning loudly. "I was just kidding, Ness," he mumbled. "It's not my fault that your Mom makes your Dad batshit crazy sometimes," he grumbled as we neared them. "Ow! Kidding!"

"It's not funny, Jacob," she muttered.

Rosalie was the first one I saw, leaning against a wall with her arms crossed as she turned to look at us. "Please do something with him, _before _I have to kill him!"

"Calm down Rose," I sighed, "He's just—" I was about to finish as I rounded the corner but when everyone saw me I was assaulted with dozens of images and thoughts at once just as my eyes landed on Edward before taking in the state of the room and my words became lodged in my throat.

There were several clips of Edward pacing frantically, his face gaunt and vacant, the bruises beneath his eyes even more pronounced that before.

"_The kid's losing it_." I heard Emmett mutter.

I saw flashes of Edward's many attempts to escape, as the others fought to control him. Rosalie blocking him from leaving. Emmett jerking Rosalie away from Edward and hauling her over his shoulder to keep her from attacking him.

"_He'd better not touch my car_," she though sourly.

I saw Renesmee attempting to calm him down several times, assuring him over and over again that I loved him and that I would come back. Then the images came from different angles—Edward tossing a vase across the room causing it to shatter into a thousand pieces, him punching his fist straight through a wall, going berserk like an angry whirlwind of devastation as he shredded couch cushions and broke chairs.

"_Thank the lord, Bella's back! He would have destroyed my living room._" I heard Esme's relief.

"_Asshole_," Jake muttered glaring at Edward.

I saw an image of Edward and Jacob toe to toe glaring at each other viciously.

"Enough!" I shouted gripping my head squeezing my eyes shut and the images stopped. "I don't need an instant replay so stop thinking about it so loudly." I pleaded desperately. "I can't handle so many memories at once. Let me get a handle on my control before you start the barrage of insults okay?"

"Sorry," Rosalie murmured.

I opened my eyes slowly, carefully dropping my hands as my gaze raked across the debris of furniture, porcelain and cushion stuffing that littered the floor and then my eyes found Edward again. He was sitting on one of the white couches leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, visibly shaking. Jasper had a firm grasp on his shoulder and his eyes slid to meet mine, giving me a painful grimace.

"It's taking everything I have right now to keep him like this, Bella," he muttered through gritted teeth. "I don't know what will happen when I let him go." My eyes flickered once to Edward's shaking form before I met Jasper's gaze again and nodded.

As soon as he lifted his hand Edward's head snapped up and his expression froze me in place. His face was still as brittle as it had been in their memories but when his eyes found me some form of animation returned to his skin, the harshness of his hallowed expression lessened, but once again an explosion of grief went off behind his eyes. He reached up to grip his hair and began rocking back and forth.

"I can't do this!" He screamed suddenly and I felt the tension in the room snap to attention. "Not again! I can't," he gasped, "I can't stop it! I see it! She was going to die again!"

My wide eyes slid to the others and they all looked equally horrified as he reached to shred the fabric around him before gripping his head again.

"Make him forget what he saw, please Bella, like you did with the boy." Esme begged desperately. "I don't care if he has to tear the whole house down but his mind can't handle this!"

I looked to Alice then. "It might be the only way," she said sadly.

I walked quickly to pull his hands away taking his face in my palms as he continued muttering incoherently. His eyes met mine but he wasn't seeing me, his eyes were unfocused and agonized and all of their color consumed with black.

I focused hard. "Edward," I felt the same tremor in my voice as before and felt the numbness immediately seeping into my palms again. "Edward, you have to forget what you saw." I pleaded but the numbness was only growing stronger in my palms and not spreading up my arms the way it had before. "I'm sorry I put you through that." I focused on pulling the memories away, trying to will the numbness to spread. "Please, forget what happened just now." The strange tone of my voice vibrated louder but he was still staring blankly ahead his eyes still pitch black, murmuring in a low voice to himself and the numbness stayed in place. "It's not working!" I cried frantically looking at Alice. "I thought you said you thought that my powers worked best on him."

"It was just a theory!" Alice hissed. "I don't even know if erasing memories is an ability you absorbed or not so it may not work the same way!"

My eyes slid back to him then as he continued to rock slowly, almost pulling out of my grasp. I let my focus drop and the numbness evaporated. I had to think quickly and the only idea that popped into my head was something dangerous. I knew of only one thing that called to Edward more than anything else. I looked at the others as I let him go to pull my hoodie quickly over my head. "Hold your breath." I warned them before my eyes flashed to Jasper. "Get back." His eyes went wide and in the blink of an eye he darted from the room. I reached for the cut on my arm and winced as I twisted my skin and squeezed until blood trickled from the wound.

"Bella, no!" Alice cried but before she could stop me and before I had time to change my mind I smeared it across my fingers in one quick movement before my eyes slide back to his vacant expression.

"Come back to me," I whispered and pressed them flat against his lips causing my blood to trickle into his mouth.

He froze then, his hands whipping out to grasp my upper arms in vice like grip that was almost painful and his eyes bled back to gold instantly, going wide. He blinked, his nostrils flaring as he inhaled deeply and very slowly he leaned away from me, his eyes focusing on my face. The room had gone deathly silent as we all watched and waited as he fought to keep his lips pressed tightly together. His eyes dropped slowly to the sight of my blood across my fingers and very carefully he released one of my arms and reached out pull my hand away from his face. He opened his mouth to speak but instantly clamped it shut again, his face filling with determination as he fought whatever war was waging inside of him.

"Have you lost your mind?" He spoke very carefully through clenched teeth suddenly.

"Have you?" I threw back at him. "Are you in any way tempted to kill me right now?" I asked him bluntly.

"Absolutely not." His voice was a low growl as he glared at me.

"Well, good, I haven't lost you completely then." I told him pointedly. "This wasn't an attempt to make you bite me, Edward, it was to snap you out of your breakdown." I explained carefully and his face changed slowly to skepticism. "If there's anything that can override all of your other fears, it's your fear of hurting me yourself." His brows rose then in surprise. "Which I know you are incapable of doing. You need to trust yourself, trust what you see and feel, and know that I'm here and that you won't hurt me. That's part of the problem, so go ahead." I nodded towards him giving him my permission and his eyes went wide before he began shaking his head frantically.

"No."

"Bells, this isn't a good idea," Jacob's warning growl came from close behind me.

"No, he can do this. I know he can," I whispered confidently as I stared into Edward's eyes. "He's had hundreds of opportunities to kill me. He needs to understand that there is nothing wrong or dangerous from us loving each other." Edward's wide horrified gaze stared at me in fear—fear built up from nearly two decades of reliving my death. "If I'm bleeding then I'm alive, do you not get that?"

His face changed, his brows knotting and the agonized expression lessened before finally I watched as his tongue slowly slid out to wash across his lips and he swallowed. His whole body seemed to convulse before he began shaking his head, reaching up to wipe his lips with his sleeve.

"I can't," he gasped, scrubbing harder against his lips. "You're my wife—not food, Bella."

"Are you going to have a temper tantrum every time you don't get your way?" I raised my brow at him. His brows furrowed sharply and his face fell harshly into a look of anguish as he dropped his face into his hands making my chest tighten. "Edward," I murmured reaching out to pull his hands away, the strange electricity from touching him hummed long my skin as his eyes met mine. "You can't keep doing this to yourself." I reached up to press one palm to his icy cheek and I felt suddenly whole. "Can't you see that?" I whispered brushing my thumb over one of the bruises beneath his eyes. "Maybe you understand it better than I did, but I get it now, okay?" His brows furrowed as he eyed me warily. "I see that it's dangerous for us to be away from each other, for the both of us, and I don't want to go through that anymore." I smiled sadly up at him. "So from now on we'll do it your way. You go wherever I go, and vice versa, or we'll at least stay as close together as possible." He nodded eagerly but it was more of a desperate gesture. "Okay then." I nodded once just as the clock on the wall behind him caught my eye. It was nearly ten in the morning. "We'll have to go soon," I sighed.

Edward was already shaking his head the panic back in his eyes. "No!" His voice came out as a whimper.

"I have to go back home, Edward," I sighed. "Andrea—"

"_This_ is your home. Your place is with _me_," he pleaded as his hands reached out to take my head between them. "Don't leave me again," he begged.

"You're coming with me, remember?" I reminded him gently.

"You promise?" he pleaded anxiously.

"I don't see why not," I murmured pulling his hands away from my face to take them in mine. "I mean, can't you sneak in through my window later like you used to?"

"Later?" he asked with a wary edge to his voiced as his eyes widened in fear.

"You might have to give me just a little time," I explain carefully. "I think I should just see how Andrea handles Alice first." I could tell just from looking at his face that he didn't like that idea. "Please, Edward, I'm really trying here but you have to meet me half way." I watched him swallow before he finally nodded. I looked to Alice then.

"The coast is clear now," she answered my unspoken question just as the sound of the front door opening was heard. I turned to see Carlisle.

"Everything is taken care of," he assured me.

"Good," I nodded pushing up to stand and Edward rose with me keeping one hand in mine.

"When will you be back?" Esme asked anxiously.

"As soon as possible, but that probably won't be until tomorrow, if that's all right with you?"

"Of course it's all right." Her face lit up then as she came to hug me, her eyes turning to Edward when she pulled away. "You be on your best behavior and look after her," she murmured touching his cheek and he nodded. "And please take care of yourself—you already look like you need to hunt again. This unnecessary stress isn't good for him." Her eyes fell to me then.

"I'll do what I can," I assured her.

* * *

Again, sorry for the gap between updates. I'm working on the next one, it's half way finished and then hopefully I'll be getting into some pre-written chapters that will enable me to update faster.


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